Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020) s03e02 Episode Script

The Least Dangerous Game

The blood of my enemies,
is forever immortalized on my d'k tahg.
I can still taste their
final panicked screams.
My death will be ecstasy.
A glorious end that will
take me straight to Sto'Vo'Kor.
I have honored my house, but will you?
How many soldiers in the Klingon empire
will be proving their toDuj?
- Four!
- I heard four.
And so begins the greatest
adventure of your lives.
You will all die on this quest,
but will you do it with honor?
- Yeah!
- Honor!
Come on, natural 20.
You've rolled an 18,
which means the petaQ is frozen in fear,
by your battle cry.
Okay, while he's cowering,
I strike him down with my mek'leth.
- Your blow landed.
- Whoo!
But, his brother swears revenge.
Reinforcements are on their way.
I can't believe Martok
recorded all this.
You'd think he'd be too busy
being a chancellor and stuff.
No, no, he didn't.
It's a Ferengi knockoff.
They do it for all the famous Klingons.
I've been trying to get
the Gowron expansion for months.
Ah, it's so nice to
all be back together.
I needed a break from all
the battles and court-martials.
It hasn't been a break for me.
Ransom's made it his mission,
to catch me messing up.
He's been riding my ass,
just waiting for me to break protocol.
Ah, I would love to be
a number one's number one.
Ensign Mariner, where are you?
In the repair bay, repairing stuff.
When we have a mission briefing,
I expect you to be early.
It doesn't start for an hour!
I know, you're almost late,
for being early.
- Move it!
- Are you coming, Rutherford?
Nah, I want to finish playing.
I'll just be regular early.
I punch my own chest, excited
for more foes to vanquish.
Your battle chest punches fail
to boost your stamina.
- Dang it.
- You know, I think
this whole Ransom thing
might be good for Mariner.
She hasn't been in the brig in forever.
making the best of a bad situation
worked for Vendome.
That's how he got to
be captain so fast.
Yeah, right.
Captain Vendome.
- Oh, can you imagine?
- What do you mean?
- He's a captain.
- You didn't hear?
Ha! Captain of what,
the USS Gullible?
Guys, I'm not falling for this.
No, of the Inglewood.
Yeah. He transferred there
months ago.
Dude, are you messing with us?
The Inglewood?
Tha-That's Chapman's ship.
Well it was, until a temporal rift
turned him into a baby.
Vendome got a field promotion,
and it stuck.
But-but he's a goofball.
Vendome's the guy who gets
hit with a spear
on away missions.
Well, that goofball
breezed up the ranks.
"completing a meteoric rise
to captain."
I can't believe this.
Every single thing I do is calculated
to help me make captain one day,
and this guy just lucks into it.
I wouldn't say it was luck.
Vendome was always saying yes
to new opportunities.
He volunteered for any mission
he could, good or bad.
- Now look at him.
- Tendi, it's not that easy.
I can't just go jumping into things
without knowing the risks.
Warrior, you discover a shortcut,
through the caves of T'rachmor.
Do you enter the darkness?
No way. I'm not trying
to get cave killed.
I'll stay on the path.
Ambush by House Dormat!
You beg for your life like ablHnuch
and live out the rest
of your days not as a warrior
but, as a dentist.
- Ouch.
- Aw, man.
Dulaine has a thermosphere
that's messy with charged ions,
so, transporters are out of the picture.
Instead, they've built
a system of orbital lifts,
one of which is malfunctioning.
So, it's a broken-down space elevator?
They're not elevators.
They're orbital lifts.
The Cerritos is hosting
all the passengers who got stuck here,
while we repair and coordinate
with Dulainians on the ground.
All right. Ooh,
coordinating is my specialty.
These guys
are one of those sexy cultures
that run everywhere
and kiss hello, right?
Their society is wellness-based, yes.
Well-yes, let's get down there
and get the party started.
We aren't going anywhere.
Mr. Billups, you and your man
are heading planetside,
- to liaise with the Dulainians.
- What?!
I mean,
usually engineers
are the ones who do the repairs,
but, if that's what you want, then
But, they'd be better
and faster at this than us.
Don't question my orders, Ensign.
We're perfectly capable
of repairing an elev
uh, an orbital lift.
Mr. Billups, just give
the Dulainians our greetings,
keep them apprised
of the repairs and, uh
Try not to have
too much fun down there.
- Yes, sir.
- Yeah!
Did you know that Vendome
staffed his whole bridge crew
with Bolians?
Ooh, I didn't.
But, that's really cool.
I know, right?
No matter how careful I am,
no matter how hard I try,
I feel like I'm gonna be an ensign,
for the rest of my life.
if planning and trying aren't working,
maybe don't do that.
- You sound like Mariner.
- Well, look at me.
It wasn't my plan to get into
senior science officer training.
It just happened.
And now I've got,
so much new stuff to study,
and I'm loving it!
That could be you,
if you tried something new.
Yo, Boimler.
We got an open spot
in the springball tournament.
We need a wiry dude who's hard to hit.
- You want in?
- Sweaty muscleheads
drilling balls at my face?
No, thanks.
Wow. Could've just said no, man.
Boimler. Vendome?
Uh, wait!
Sherwyns, I'm in.
Let's-let's do this. Let's, uh,
spring that ball.
Good game, Ensign.
I'm impressed.
By my athletic ab-b-bility?
What? No, no, no.
By that sustained scream,
when I bowled you over.
You were really wailing.
Thanks. I get a lot of practice.
Listen, I run a choir
when I'm off duty.
Bajoran dirges.
I've been looking for a soprano.
- You interested?
- A dirge choir? I
Will try that.
Sure, yeah.
- Let's, uh, let's get dirgey.
- All right!
That's the ticket.
You're gonna have a blast!
We've got the saddest
dirges in the quadrant.
You honor the Prophets
with that pitch, Bradward.
If you ever need a favor,
I'm a combadge tap away.
Really? Uh, wow.
Uh, thank you, sir.
Mr. Boimler.
Aah! Geez, Lundy, you're too
Oh, you're too scary, man.
You can't jump out at people like that.
Can I guess your weight?
I'd peg you
at a healthy 61.2 kilos.
Wow. Uh, yeah.
That's e-exactly right.
Mm. My figure drawing class
needs a skeletal boy
for our life drawing this afternoon.
Have you ever sat for oil?
Oil me up.
- What the hell even is this?
- 20.
I hope you're 21
being careful not to 22
misalign the dampeners. 23.
Are you really lifting right now?
I'd barely call this
lifting. Oh, yeah.
You know, two people working on this
would get it done
so much faster.
You know,
like two engineer-type people?
Can an engineer do that?
Uh, yeah. With a step stool.
to Commander Ransom. Come in.
How's it going down there, Billups?
I'll tell you, these Dulainians
are a friendly people.
You know they kiss
instead of shaking hands?
- With tongue!
- Yeah, with tongue.
Control yourself, Andy.
We wouldn't want you to accidentally
become a king down there.
I don't know if I'll have time.
Because we have a dance coming up,
then a feast,
and then, a drinking competition.
Are you for real?
I could get real
used to this kind of treatment.
Maybe I should transfer
divisions again.
We'll join you guys
when we're done up here.
The repairs seem simple enough.
Mmm. Did you remember
to decouple the flow inverters,
before reconnecting the conduit piping?
Of course I did.
- Who wouldn't?
- Great. Well, I got to go.
There's some sort
of wrestling display on,
- and they need a judge.
- Oh, yeah, baby! Let's go!
Did you decouple the flow inverters?
Of course I did.
Just focus on your own work.
You know, it's not a big deal
to admit that we should be down there
and they should be up here.
isn't all about being fed fruit
by erotic aliens with
slightly different nose ridges.
you got to get your hands dirty.
Engineers would've been done
with this hours ago.
Arguing with your commanding officer
isn't gonna get the job done
any sooner.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, hey.
What's with all the new faces?
We're hosting everyone that
got stranded on the orbital lift
- while it gets repaired.
- That's cool.
Listen, you were totally right earlier.
I've been saying yes
to everything today,
going way outside my comfort zone,
and so far,
Shaxs says he owes me a favor,
I'm not afraid
of Chief Lundy anymore
It's just been a really great day.
Oh, I love that for you, Boims.
When you get rid of the plan,
you leave room for good things.
From now on, the new plan
is say yes to everything.
But, that's uh, still a plan.
- How about just no plan?
- Nope.
Today, I am a new Boimler.
A bold Boimler.
And the next person
who asks me to do something,
I'm saying yes no matter what.
Excuse me.
I am K'Ranch.
I was supposed to be
on the planet by now,
but, the space elevator is broken.
Hi, K'Ranch.
Welcome to the Cerritos.
I'm Tendi, and this is Boimler.
My species has an
undeniable natural urge to hunt.
This delay to the planet
has been weighing on me.
Would either of you be willing to
be willing to be hunted?
Oh, no, thank you.
Maybe you should see if Dr. T'Ana
can help you out in sickbay.
Wait. Uh, Mr. K'Ranch,
I'm gonna say yes to the hunted.
- To-to being hunted.
- Uh
Uh, just because you said
you were going to say yes
to the next person
who asked you to do something
doesn't mean you have to do this.
You can do the next one.
Eh, you're right
is what the old Boimler
would have said.
It would be an honor
if you hunted me, sir.
Let's do it.
You are now my prey.
The hunt begins in one hour.
It won't be as bad as it sounds.
What are you doing?!
You only have an hour!
Run! Run! Run!
At this point,
everything should be lining up.
All you need to do is align
the magnetic seal on the panel,
and the repair is complete.
Magnetic seal?
I don't even
What the hell is she talking about?
Billups, these space elevators
use Federation standard measurements,
Uh, we've run into a little bit of a
diplomacy problem down here.
You dare enter the sacred hall
without an exposed navel?!
Oh! I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
What's going on down there?
It sounds a little tense.
Uh, well, I don't know how well
you know Dulainian religion,
but, we weren't wearing the right
outfits in the right place,
and now the locals are getting
pretty testy, so maybe, sir,
you could, uh, come down
here and help smooth things out.
- That would be great.
- Ha!
I knew it.
All right, let's go.
- No can do, Billups.
- What?
We still have work to do up here.
Show them your belly buttons.
You'll be fine.
We tried that,
and it just made them angrier.
No, look. Our B-buttons
are out and about.
Just explain
that we respect all cultures,
and, you know, morality
and the Prime Directive
and all that stuff.
Okay, I'll try it.
Uh, sir.
Okay, you've made your point.
Can we please just go down there
and lend a diplomatic hand?
Billups can rebuild the
navigation computer blindfolded.
I think he can handle
some angry locals.
He clearly can't!
Is it really worth
endangering those guys,
just to get under my skin?
My command decisions have
nothing to do with your sensitivities.
You need to learn how to trust
your superiors, Ensign.
Fine. I'm gonna go work over there,
so I don't have to watch you
fumble around with that stupid pipe.
I'm not fumbling!
Uh, hello? Mr. K'Ranch, sir?
What do you want, prey?
I was just wondering, when you say
you're gonna hunt me,
you mean, like, metaphorically, right?
There are only three types of prey.
You are the first type:
immobilized by your fear.
The second type scurries away to hide,
delaying the inevitable.
Uh, what's the third kind?
The third is a winged
lizard-type creature,
that doesn't really apply to you.
Oh, okay.
No, I'm just gonna scurry
away while I think about it.
When does the hunt start?
It already has!
Oh, no!
No, no, no!
Someone's trying to kill me!
Captain, you got to help me.
I'm being hunted.
Not on my ship.
That's totally unacceptable.
Security, I need a team on Deck Three.
Oh, thank God.
It's this big guy called K'Ranch.
I told him he could hunt me in the bar,
- but that was a mistake, and
- K'Ranch?
Well, that's different.
- Security, belay that order.
- What?!
I shared a lovely brunch
earlier today with K'Ranch.
You know, he's quite the charmer.
I'm glad he found someone
to partake in his Venarix hunt.
But I don't want to be hit
with an arrow or a boomerang
or any of that. Please, Captain.
Ensign, we have to respect his culture.
And didn't you give him your word?
I want my word back.
Oh, he's good. You better run.
- Thanks again for the mimosas.
- My pleasure.
Happy hunting.
Sir, we could really use your help.
The Dulainians saw that
Lieutenant Billups had an outie,
and now he's being sacrificed to Morgo,
which, I think is a sentient volcano.
Just demand
to parley with their leader,
and explain they cannot
sacrifice Mr. Billups. Okay?
Straight spine.
Speak from the diaphragm.
Also, their leader is either an
ancient god or a telepathic baby.
They're kind of dancing around it.
Sounds like you're narrowing it down.
- You got this.
- Uh, right. Okay.
I'll speak from the diaphragm.
Help me!
- I demand parley!
- Help!
Hello? Someone?
Ugh! I'm gonna do it.
I'm just gonna do it.
I don't care.
I don't care.
All right.
I'm coming, Ruthy!
Ransom to Mariner. Come in.
What's up, sir?
Mariner, I was, uh
What's that sound?
- Is that wind?
- Uh, I, uh
I had to open up an exterior
pressure conduit. Oh!
Ah, right.
The old pressure conduit.
Well, I've been doing some
thinking, and you were right.
I was going out of
my way to try to prove
that you would disobey my orders
if you felt you knew better.
But, you stayed on task.
- You didn't go rogue.
- Oh, uh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Anyway, listen,
those engineers
are in way over their heads.
It's time for us
to go save their butts.
I'll come meet you in Section Eight.
What? You okay?
I-I-I was just saying, "Yah!"
"Sounds good," sir.
Where are you, prey?
am a proud soldier
of the Klingon Empire!
Shut it.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Stupid Ferengi program.
Warrior, fight to the last breath.
Easy for you to say.
I'm not a Klingon.
I-I-I tried to be bold today,
but, I just ended up as prey.
The only way you can lose now
is by letting
your foe define who you are.
Never back down!
Never cower!
The hunt is on.
I am not your prey.
I am Bold Boimler!
I haven't backed down all day,
and I'm not starting now.
You better run,
because now the hunted
has become
Oh, my God!
No, no, no!
The hunted always tries
to become the hunter.
Tale old as time.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
I didn't say you could kill me.
Stop! Please!
And with that, my hunt has ended.
Y-You're not gonna kill me?
Kromsapiods practice catch and release.
We respect life above all else.
That's why we hunt.
Oh, thank God.
You were excellent prey,
but, I do have notes.
Can you maybe give them to me
in sickbay?
When you decide to switch it up
and become the hunter,
you can't just announce it
and stand there.
Stick and move, you know?
Uh-huh, yeah.
I'll keep that in mind.
You have earned my respect,
Bradward Boimler.
I will be passing along
high praise to your captain.
Really? Thank you.
Maybe just one more
for the boys back home.
Climbing wall? For real?
This stupid society,
built on exercise and wellness.
Sorry I'm late.
Had to make a quick
trip to the little commanders' room.
No biggie.
I've just been waiting here
the whole time.
This is gonna sound crazy, Mariner,
but, since we don't have a shuttle,
and the elevator still won't descend,
we're gonna have to skydive down.
Oh, wow. That's a wild plan, sir.
- It's wild.
- I know.
But if we hurry,
we can make it in time.
Maybe we take a quick break?
Good one.
Let's roll.
We come to you, Volcanic Lord Morgo!
Navel of the Planet!
We sacrifice these sinners in the name
of Mendrick, our psychic baby leader,
and his coleader, 355,
the sentient computer!
Ooh, they weren't lying.
This did get complicated.
Wow. Psychic baby,
evil computer and a volcano?
You guys ever heard of overkill?
It provides a system
of checks and balances.
How dare you question
our method of governance.
Throw them in the volcano.
For what it's worth, sir,
it was an honor serving with you.
Oh, Samanthan, the honor is mine.
I demand parley!
You live a health-based way of life,
- correct?
- Yes.
It is our highest calling.
Then behold.
Your lava tubes are perfect.
You are wise, Starfleet.
We will hear you out.
Although we all come
from different worlds,
we are only, slightly different.
Yo, yo.
You, uh, you wanted to see me, sir?
I owe you an apology.
I assumed you'd be looking
for ways to piss me off,
and flame out.
I was wrong to push it.
Thanks. I-I really want to stay
on the Cerritos.
I-It was good work today,
but, this was just one day.
Don't think it erased
all the insubordination
I've gotten from you in the past.
Yep. Yes, sir. Message received.
Sir, you were really impressive
down there,
the way you navigated that volcano,
and the baby and all that.
Save it for your personal log, Mariner.
Buttering me up is not gonna make
your life any easier.
All right.
Yeah, I was pretty impressive.
So, Ransom's a dick, and I hate him.
Oh, sounds like today went well.
I mean, he did keep me
from getting dumped into lava.
No, he was the whole reason
you were dangling over
the lava to start with.
Nah. That was on me.
I really should have had
my belly button out.
You eat breakfast
and gain plus-three stamina!
Damn, they really
programmed Martok with, like,
full intensity at all times.
Hey, there he is.
How's the shoulder?
Dr. T'Ana says it'll probably
always feel a little off,
- but it's fine.
- Uh, sorry.
I kind of feel responsible
since I was the one
who told you to go against your plans.
All those years of trying too hard
never got me half the
recognition that I got today.
Plus nerve damage.
Plans are officially out the air lock.
I'm Bold Boimler from here on out.
I'm not sure that was the lesson
to learn today.
You know?
Uh, how about moderation?
Old Boimler was into moderation.
Bold Boimler is into boldness.
I confidently enter the bar
and demand bloodwine.
The bartender rips your arm off
and kills you with it.
It is not an honorable death
since, technically,
you have died by your own hand.
Ah, whatever.
I'm still gonna be bold.
If you'd like to continue,
download the expansion pack,
Dinner with Lady Lindor.
- Aw, come on!
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