Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020) s05e07 Episode Script

1
FREEMAN: Captain's
Log, stardate 59499.6.
The Cerritos has been sent to repair
yet another dimensional fissure
picked up by a Starfleet
observation buoy.
Apparently, a purple
alternate universe version
of the Enterprise
crossed into our reality
while battling some
evil clones of Tasha Yar,
or something.
I can't keep track.
All right, let's get started
sealing up that fizsh.
Third one this week.
We're getting pretty good at this.
Ah, sucks we missed
the purple Enterprise.
I wonder if the
carpets match the hull.
You two seem pretty at home
here at the science station.
My home was in an
outcropping of jagged rocks
in the Viltan Flats.
Huh.
Well, maybe it's finally time
I fill the senior
science officer position.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
[STEADYING BREATH]
Captain, I put together a report
on the similarities
between all these rifts.
Could I maybe brief the bridge crew?
Eh, let's hold off
until after I select a
senior science officer.
Oh, uh, right, of course.
I didn't mean to overstep.
Lieutenant T'Lyn has
also expressed interest.
I just need to make a decision.
- How'd it go?
- She said T'Lyn applied, too.
Hmm.
That makes sense.
She's pretty into science.
You don't think T'Lyn's
competing with me, do you?
Nah, Vulcans probably
just forget about feelings.
- Just talk to her.
- It doesn't matter.
The position should go to
the most qualified candidate.
Not just the one who's dreamt about it
since they were old enough
to carry a dagger.
- [CHUCKLES]
- [COMPUTER CHIMING]
Captain, I'm detecting a
Starfleet power signature
on Dilmer III.
FREEMAN: Belay closing that rift.
Looks like our friends on the purple D
left us a little present.
We have to retrieve whatever it is
before it disrupts their
technological evolution.
Oh, but it's taquito night!
Which is why our
lieutenants will handle it.
All right, undercover mission.
We're gonna
Wait, taquito night?
No, I want taquitos.
You can just replicate
some when you get back.
I know, it's just more fun to be there
for all the dancing and singing.
But I'm sure an undercover mission
will be fun, too.
♪
♪
♪
Eh, stupid undercover
plastic surgery jobs.
I didn't go to Starfleet
Medical for a costume party.
I'm sure we look great.
I'm a doctor, not
whatever the [BLEEP] this is.
Dilmer III is a
pre-industrial civilization.
So we can't let them see
us or any of our technology.
Yeah, have fun with all the livestock.
It's gonna smell like dog [BLEEP].
I am particularly sensitive to odor.
Well, you could stay
on the ship, if you want.
I'm sure I can handle any science
that comes up down there.
No, this is gonna be a fun,
alternate dimension
technology recovery girls' trip.
You're my two science officers.
I am ordering you to both come with.
I will ignore the
inconvenience of the stench
to fulfill my duty.
Yeah, that's the spirit!
Want me to cauterize
your scent receptors?
That would be appreciated.
BOIMLER: Man, your stubble's
coming in so clean and even.
Thanks. I've been getting
a lot of compliments.
I'm sure you have, too.
It's weird, I haven't.
Eh, don't worry, roomie.
Yours will grow in.
BOIMLER: Whoa, looking good.
- Ready to churn some butter?
- Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.
At the risk of throwing
up on my sweet disguise,
what are you drinking?
Micheladas, with all the fixin's.
It is uncharacteristic
for either of you
to drink something that features
such an ostentatious skewer.
This is something the
other Boimler drank, isn't it?
Did you get this from that PADD?
Ah, I mean, come on
It's just a good drink.
You're plagiarizing someone's
vibe and I won't stand for it.
Yeah, okay, can we focus?
Look, when you're down on Dilmer III,
you'll experience time dilation.
The planet's core has
created a spacetime differential.
For every second on the Cerritos,
one week is gonna pass
for you on the surface.
TENDI: Oh! It's like that
planet Voyager went to.
Or like how time seems to slow down
when I'm forced to go to a play.
We disguised a return beacon.
When this starts to flash, you
need to get where the locals
can't see you beam out, okay?
Ah, I love a mission with rules.
Are you jealous you
aren't coming with?
Eh, from our
perspective, you'll be gone
for, like, a second, so no.
Yeah, right.
Yes, you are.
- I am not.
- [CONSOLE BEEPS]
[SCREAMS] Got shrimp in my eye!
[SCREAMING]
Scans say that purple
Enterprise's technology
is two kilometers north of here.
I suggest we make haste
before any locals discover it.
Technically, whatever it is
crashed down here years
ago in planetary time.
If they haven't found it by
now, they probably won't.
Yeah, but T'Lyn's right.
No taking chances
with the Prime Directive.
Let's hurry.
[GROANS] T'Lyn's always right.
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Aw.
This place is adorable.
Oh, my gosh, look!
- Bricks!
- MARINER: Lock it down.
We don't want anyone
getting suspicious.
- Aha!
- [BOTH SCREAM]
Name's Snell.
Can I interest you in
tickets for tonight's bonfire?
[SINGSONGY]: Two for a globber.
Damn, uh, fresh out of globbers.
Sorry.
Out of globbers?
[TRICORDER WHIRRING]
[TRICORDER BEEPING STEADILY]
Whoa, I didn't expect
a big-ass crater.
Readings suggest a
shuttlecraft crashed here.
Most of it must've been
destroyed by the impact.
Better zap whatever we can't carry.
Wouldn't want a local to stumble
across some awesome [BLEEP].
The power signature is over here.
- Good, these horns are starting to itch.
- [GASPS]
Is that a nose?
Impossible.
Nothing could have survived the crash.
[GASPS]
How about a silicon-based life-form?
Oh, no way. That's
Commander Data's head.
And he's purple, too.
It must be a slightly
more purple dimension.
- SNELL: Hmm.
- [ALL GASP]
- What are you three up to?
Oh, Snell
Uh, we're just
down here looking for globbers.
In a pit?
Yeah, and we didn't find any,
so that was dumb, I guess.
Why haven't I seen you in town before?
We are from the northern region.
Let me guess.
Slarno?
Yep, that's us, Slarno
strong. [AWKWARD CHUCKLE]
What's behind your back?
Rocks.
We are a traveling
troupe of performers.
That's amazing!
Yeah, normally a show
like that would cost you
some big-time globbers.
Now get out of here
before we charge you.
[GRUMBLING]
- I didn't know you could juggle.
- Neither did I.
- Whoa, that was your first time?
- Correct.
- How do you do it?
- It was simply algorithmic tossing.
You sure that necklace
hasn't blinked yet?
It has not.
Boimler said he would
bring us back in a second.
That was hours ago.
Is it possible that Mr. Boimler
has been distracted from his duty?
Probably with that stupid PADD.
[SIGHS] I guess we better
crash in that abandoned
shack for the night.
Well, what could've happened
in an empty transporter room?
With the time dilation,
we just saw him.
[SCREAMING]
Beam them back!
Beam them back!
[ZAPPING]
Controls won't work
under all the Michelada.
In the time it took
for you to tell me that,
it's been a month for them.
[SCREAMS] Oh, no!
And me saying that,
it was another month!
Stop talking months and help me wipe!
♪
Ugh! I'd kill for a holodeck.
Ah.
Another fruitful day
of scanning indigenous plants. [BLOWS]
My away mission résumé
is going to be more padded
than a Romulan's shoulder.
- [DOOR CLOSES] - Can't wait to
find out how the guys botched
standing at a transporter. [SCOFFS]
Guess it's safe to assume
that we'll be here for a while.
Glad you're having fun.
I'm actually trying to
bolster my chances
at the senior science
officer position.
Cramming some science
in at the last minute? Nice.
This is, uh, starting to feel like
when Picard got duped into thinking
he was a family man by that probe.
- I'm sorry. What?
- You know, in 20, 25 minutes,
he lived out a full
lifetime had a family,
learned how to play the flute.
- That would be better than this.
- Okay, so, do it.
I can't just
Wait. You're right!
This could be my probe life!
Well, we might not have
as much time as he did.
Which is why I got to hurry
up and make a best friend!
I got to find a flute!
[PANTS, GROANS]
I harvested grain and ground
it into flour with our windmill.
You built a windmill?!
I have been conducting a study
on indigenous agriculture.
- Well, that sounds rigorous.
- [MARINER GRUNTING]
Catch you later. I got
to do some speed dating.
[YELPS] Snell, come on!
What are you doing here?
I thought this house was abandoned.
We like the town so we
moved in. It's not a big deal.
I'll be keeping an eye on you.
- Get out of here, Snell.
- [GRUNTING]
- Go get a life.
- Gah!
Why is there always
a suspicious lurker
when you're in a
Carbon Creek situation?
For real, T'Lyn, this
windmill is crazy impressive.
Wow, look at that thing.
It's just wind. I love it.
- [THUNDER CRASHING]
- [ELECTRICAL CRACKLING]
TENDI: [GRUNTING] Stupid windmill.
[GRUNTS] She thinks she's
so capable and Vulcan.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
- [HAND CRANK SQUEAKING]
- Come on!
[WHOOSHING]
Hmm.
Curious.
I am Lieutenant Commander Data.
- Who are you?
- Oh. Hi.
I'm Lieutenant Junior Grade Tendi.
It is so nice to meet you.
You have no uniform.
- Are you a member of Starfleet?
- Yes!
Uh, I serve on the USS Cerritos,
but right now, we're
stuck on Dilmer III
waiting to be transported out.
My shuttled crashed.
Is that why I do not have a body?
Uh, yeah. Sorry. We-we looked around,
but I think it got burned up.
Do not be concerned.
I have been just a head before.
Lieutenant Commander Data,
can I ask you some
questions about science?
As long as it does not
require hands, feet or torso,
I believe you can.
[WIND WHISTLING]
Huh
And you trust that
Mr. Boimler will eventually
transport you back to the ship?
Oh, yeah, for sure.
He probably just fell
over or something.
And in the interim, you are concerned
that Lieutenant T'Lyn is a
more capable science officer?
- Well, we're both capable.
- Of course.
Then it does not matter
who receives the promotion.
I know.
I'd just be so proud to do it.
Orions aren't usually
science officers.
I will help you with your studies.
But, you don't even know me.
That is true, but I
am the only android
who has served on a Starfleet bridge,
so I know how difficult
it is to be the first.
Ah! That's so nice!
You have also devised a way
to power my positronic matrix
using a hand crank.
That is quite impressive.
Let us get to work.
Oh!
[RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[CROWD CHATTER]
Okay, got to find someone
dopey and trustworthy
who becomes a lifelong friend.
Hi.
Can I get another one?
Hey, there. You got a
best friend in the picture?
Aah!
She horned my eye!
- [ALL GASPING] - Uh, sorry.
I'm still getting used to the
uh, the nothing.
This lady assaulted me!
This is just the funny way we meet.
Ha, ha. Ha. We're
gonna be chum buddies.
You're not really mad.
Come on.
- [DOOR SLAMS LOUDLY]
- Not cool, man.
I need to live a rich
and meaningful life.
Who knows when Boimler's
gonna get his [BLEEP] together.
[WHIMPERING] Come on, come on!
There's nothing in here to clean with!
Yeah, 'cause food's not
allowed in the transporter bay.
[WHIMPERS] The fabric's only
absorbing the absorbent stuff!
It's leaving behind a horrible goo!
We'll have to lick it off!
- [ELECTRICAL CRACKLING]
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Aah!
I'm experiencing a power fluctuation.
Have you adjusted
the voltage stabilizer?
Oh, I haven't.
Great call!
[SOFT, RHYTHMIC CLICKING]
Done.
No more cranking.
Now your battery will get charged
with hydroelectric power.
Congratulations.
I believe your captain
will be quite impressed.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Uh, just a sec!
We are in need of currency.
I will sell my Dilmerian
produce at the market.
- Do you care to join me?
- Uh, I'm kind of busy.
But, good luck with your melons.
These are grapes.
- What?!
- The melons do not fit in the door.
They're all huge!
How did you get so
good at agriculture?
I simply isolated certain traits
and accelerated growth
with local fertilizers.
Ah. Well, I'm so glad for you.
Have fun in town.
You have spent 20 consecutive days
isolated with your water wheel.
Perhaps companionship
would serve you well.
You know, I'm fine. Go
enjoy your science fruits.
[GROANS]
T'Lyn appears to be
concerned with your well-being.
Yeah, well, she can afford
to with her giant melons.
I can't compete with that.
Perhaps she has simply had more hours
to work on her horticulture.
Wait. What do you mean?
We've both been here
the same amount of time.
Yes, but Vulcans rarely require sleep.
Ah, you're right!
[GASPS] I need to stop sleeping!
I only highlighted the
physiological difference
to counter your
negative self-assessment.
No, no, no. I'm glad you
did. I'm just gonna chew
some stimulant leaf and
work nights. No biggie!
I disagree. This plan
could prove to be a biggie.
Ah, I'm fine.
I'll catch up on sleep
when I get back to the Cerritos.
[GASPS] Oh.
Yes
- Ah
- MARINER: Bye, everyone.
- See you on the outside.
- [GRUNTS]
Two months for an eye poke?
That is some Edo-level
- bull[BLEEP] right there.
- [GRUMBLES]
- Oh, go sneer at someone else, Snell.
- [GASPS, GRUNTS]
Would you care to assist
me in the produce market?
Can't.
I'm running out of time.
I need to become a valuable
member of the community, stat.
Ah. Ooh, yeah, a fire.
Okay, everybody stand back.
Someone needs to protect the town.
[HISSING]
You guys see that? I'm a hero!
MALE: She extinguished
our eternal flame.
Oh, no! How are we supposed
to ward off dark spirits now?
I mean, I'm just
saying, if that's all it took,
it couldn't have really
been that eternal.
And who even believes
in demons, right?
[DOOR SLAMS]
Hey, everybody.
Miss any good rats while I was gone?
- [GASPS] Ugh. Ugh.
- [GROANING]
[ELECTRICAL HISSING]
It's working! Lick faster!
Oh, this thing tastes
like Lundy smells. Aah!
I don't think he washes his hands
- before he uses it.
- [GROANS]
[SNORING]
Lieutenant?
- [MURMURING GIBBERISH SOFTLY]
- Officer, please wake up.
[SNORTS] Huh?
Aah.
Was I drooling?
Aah!
I told you not to let me nod off!
You required rest to
function at peak performance.
Yeah, I got to work around the clock
if I'm gonna finish this transporter.
Do not be so hard on yourself.
I struggled to build an
electromagnetic field core
when I was trapped in
19th-century San Francisco.
Really? Well, how'd you
get back to your own time?
I waited in a cave until
Captain Picard, myself
and some guy in a silver
jumpsuit dug me out.
We'll call that Plan B.
Uh, I need something that can
boost the power
conduits on this thing.
Perhaps, instead, you
could get a little more sleep.
No time.
We got to go shopping.
Ah, there have to be some minerals
in this market I can use.
It seems cavalier to bring
me along in this satchel.
I couldn't leave you alone,
not with Snell poking around.
Aah! T'Lyn has a kiosk?
[CROWD CHATTER]
What? You can't give these
people advanced medicine.
It breaks the Prime Directive.
Which is why it is not advanced.
You're selling beauty products?
By boiling the skin
of the shnoop fruit,
I have discovered a natural
protein filament enhancer.
Of course you did.
Their improved appearance has
imbued our neighbors with confidence.
I have improved their lives
without breaking any protocol.
We are also now rich.
I'm so happy for you.
- [GROANS]
- There!
- We got it!
- Yes!
[GASPS] Get them back! Hurry!
We have to signal the
thingy, the-the necklace.
Right, and that'll give 'em
time to get away from any locals.
- [BEEP]
- [CHIMING]
[GROANING]
Ah, sh Giving
those people fancy hair
has to be breaking
some sort of rule, right?
I fail to see how
adding bounce to curls
could alter the
course of civilization.
Oh, that's because you want
T'Lyn to get the SSO job, too!
Don't you?
Admit it!
Surely your captain
will select the officer
best suited for the position.
I'm getting real tired
of your sass, Data.
If you are tired, then
you should sleep.
Oh, how about you get some sleep?
I knew it.
I don't need sleep.
I need science.
I'll show you.
I'll show everyone.
- [SNORING]
- [DOOR OPENS]
We have received the return signal.
We must prepare for transport.
Tendi, please wake up.
Or maybe you should join her!
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
[GASPS, WHIMPERS]
Did you have a nice nap, witches?
[SCOFFS] Looks like ol' Snell's
creepy lurking finally paid off.
We are not witches.
Tell it to your talking,
hornless demon head!
Oh, you saw that, huh?
Finally, everyone is going to see
that my lurking protects the town.
Could I interest you in
another juggling display?
Yes.
I-I mean no.
I-I Y-You'll put on
a show soon enough,
when I'm back with the angry mob.
[SNEERS]
The return beacon has been activated.
We must make haste or
someone may witness our beaming.
Ugh, it's all my fault.
I was so focused on
trying to out-science you
that I let my guard down.
Why were you trying
to "out-science" me?
The agriculture, the hair tonic.
We were trying to
out-science each other.
I was unaware of a competition.
But I did notice your withdrawal.
My projects were an attempt
to rebuild our comradery.
What?
They were?
Oh
I hope the captain
chooses you for the bridge.
I couldn't keep up, and you
didn't even know it was a race.
I intend to revoke my application
upon our return to the Cerritos.
What?
Why?
Serving at the captain's side
requires skills I do not possess.
A science officer must
be able to communicate.
- Which I clearly cannot.
- Yes, you can.
I didn't let you because
I was being competitive.
All that time on Orion
must've gotten in my head.
You chose to serve in Starfleet.
I was banished here.
You confronted your
past, while I have not.
I must improve myself
before I can lead.
T'Lyn, that's not true.
You're amazing and
I've been a real jerk.
But that ends now.
[GRUNTS]
[STRAINS]
[ELECTRICITY WHIRS]
Please, do not shut me
down mid-conversation.
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
Curious. You have
activated the android's head.
That is correct.
Data, can you chew off my bindings?
That is outside of my knowledge base,
but I have seen
Lieutenant Worf do this.
I can try.
Wow, you really are fully functional.
[DATA GRUNTS]
[MARINER BLOWS FLUTE]
[GROWLS]
Stupid soap flute.
- This sucks.
- Hey.
What's the matter, Big Mare?
I had months to try and find
a friend, a husband, a wife,
a job, or learn a flute, and I failed.
You made friends in here.
- Really?
- Yeah, we love you, Big Mare.
You're one of us.
I found my alien family.
They were here all along.
- I did it.
- You did.
And two of us are murderers.
Shh, I-I don't want to know that.
GUARD: Hey, you. You're free to go.
Wh Really?
Why?
Eh, you got friends with
powerful hair remedies.
All right, go Team Science!
- Hey, can my prison pals come, too?
- Hell no.
[ALL BOOING]
- Oh, come on.
Uh, sorry, guys, I tried.
Oh, it's been long
enough. We got to do it.
All right, let's move it.
We got to get to the rendezvous point.
There's one more thing we got to do.
We don't have time.
Snell saw Commander Data's head
powered up and talking.
Crap, really? Oh, that is bad.
Uh-huh. We have to make it right.
Witches!
There they are!
[SHOUTING, CLAMORING]
Come on, Snell, could you
stop being yourself for once?
They have an undead head that speaks!
- [VILLAGERS GASP]
- No, we don't.
Yes, you do. I saw it.
This is the plan?
[GRUNTS] Open the bag!
[CROWD GASPS]
Aha! See?
It's just a giant grape.
I bought one of those in the market.
- [LAUGHTER]
- It's just a grape.
No, no, this is a trick.
The head was talking!
The lighting was pretty bad.
You were probably just confused.
You spend too much
time lurking, Snell.
We all know it.
[CHUCKLES]
Wait! No! [STAMMERS]
That one can toss rocks
in the air and catch them!
Who cares? Get a job, Snell.
[GROWLS]
Hello, I am Data.
I know.
You're very famous.
[GRUNTS]
I think we're in the clear.
[BOTH GRUNT]
Ooh, can I hold Data, please?
Huh. It's, like, warmer
than I expected.
Why did you have a preconceived
notion about my temperature?
Because I think
about you all the time.
You are really cool.
I am cool? Then why does
my warmth surprise you?
[LAUGHS]
Such a Data thing to say.
Oh, man, this is great.
This is really everything
I wanted it to be.
Snell is still lurking this way.
Come on, Boimler, hurry.
So, it breaks the Prime Directive
if someone sees your head,
but it's okay if everyone
thinks Snell's a loser?
He appeared to be exhibiting traits
of what you would call a loser
well before he saw my head.
Ha.
Get burnt, Snell.
He will be here momentarily.
Are you sure you don't want
to stick in our dimension?
I need to get home to Geordi.
He is my best friend.
Aw, respect.
I'd go back for Geordi, too.
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS] Huh.
[GROANS]
Boimler, what the hell happened?
Uh, the controls had a glitch?
Yeah, totally random,
uh, LCARS issues.
Apologies for the
delay, Commander Data.
While the rift to your
dimension is still open,
we'll be sending you back soon
for the purple Enterprise to pick up.
What color is your Enterprise?
No color, just neutral gray.
That seems like a missed opportunity
when purple is an option.
And Captain, permission
to speak freely?
Of course.
While down on the planet's surface,
there was some discussion
as to whom would be
receiving a promotion
to senior science officer.
Yes, I'm actually having a hard time
deciding between two candidates.
Having spent a year
in the field with them,
I would like to make a recommendation.
[DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN]
Guys, guess who's the
new senior science officer.
You got the job?
No, we both did!
Congrats.
Aw, that's a great call.
Good on Carol.
Apparently, purple Data told her
we were too good
of a team to split up.
And he's best science
friends with Geordi,
so he would know.
- You okay with this?
- I share in the opinion
that we complement
each other's strengths.
Damn, T'Lyn popping off.
Honestly, part of me is jealous
you all got to be on
a mission for so long.
Don't act like you gave us some gift.
You both owe us big time.
It was an honest mistake.
It could happen to anyone.
Food isn't allowed
in the transporter bay.
You do indeed owe us big time.
[LAUGHTER]
You had to get something
out of that mission.
Yeah, I have an emptiness
that used to be filled
by the love of my jail family.
The only way I can
handle the pain is by playing
my beloved soap flute.
[ALL GROANING]
- Oh, come on. No, no, no, stop.
- You do not know how to play that.
Yes, I do.
- [FLUTE SCREECHES]
- MARINER: No, no, wait.
Ah, I was holding it backwards.
All right, listen to this.
- [FLUTE SCREECHES]
- [ALL GROANING]
MARINER: Yeah, that sounded good.
RUTHERFORD: Ah,
it's so loud and screechy.
- Yeah, it's not a subtle instrument.
- [FLUTE SQUEALS]