Starlings (2012) s01e08 Episode Script

Episode 8

1 Were having trials for Derby County tomorrow.
That's why I'm talking to Charlie here.
I wish I could forgive him, but I can't.
Your dad and I feel we might have been a bit rash asking you to find a place of your own.
Might give it another go in a couple of years.
Mind if I sit here? Unless you're waiting for your girlfriend? I haven't got a girlfriend.
Huh? Finally.
Quigley Hall.
Have a look at that, Charlie.
Can you imagine this place back in the day? The butler would have opened that door.
The lady of the house would have swept down the grand stairs there to greet us.
Good afternoon, Mr Starling.
So glad you could come.
Will you be staying for supper? We shall be having blackbirds on toast.
Then old Fothergill, the butler, he'd usher us over to the billiard room, that's over here.
There'd be a big fug of smoke from all the cigars and the old general would totter over with a snifter of brandy and say Shut the door, mate! Eh? You're letting a draught in.
Didn't know anyone was here.
You Terry, the other spark? Yeah, er, Terry.
Terry Starling.
I'm Barry.
This is Gary.
We're doing the west wing, you're doing the east, apparently.
Well, its nice to meet you.
This is my daughter, Charlie.
You had a chance to look around yet? Gonna stop you there, Terry.
It's 8:15 in the morning.
I don't even think about work until I've caught up on world events.
See this girl? Stacey.
She's 19, from Tewkesbury.
She's got more nous than any of those politicians.
Listen to this.
"I think we should just ban the burkha.
" "If a woman wants to show off her curvy figure for her fella, From the mouths of babes, eh, Terry? No offence, love.
Well, we're just gonna set up on the other side and maybe see you later.
Not if we see you first.
Listen to that.
I bet you don't get birdsong like that in Australia, Alf.
Right enough, Bilbo.
It's all screeches and squawks back home.
Then again, you don't have to wear a cardi when you're sunbathing.
You know, from my place in the Blue Mountains, you can gaze right across the valley and watch the cockatoos nesting in the gum trees.
Sounds beautiful.
It's a paradise on earth.
But you don't get roses like that.
I'll do you nice bunch before you pop off.
Do you miss England, then? Yes and no.
It'd be nice to see you a bit more, of course, but I've got it made over there.
Oh, yeah, I've got the two houses, I've got the boat and a beautiful young filly.
Have a guess how old the wife is.
Go on.
I know! Tell me about it.
That's why I've gotta keep myself in shape.
It don't seem decent.
I'll drink to that.
Cheers! Reuben! I'll get straight to the point, Reuben.
I'm sitting in your chair.
Pardon? I'm off.
To the Dundee branch.
Me wife's from up there.
I like it up there.
There's more money up there.
So there's a job going here.
If you want it.
Really? Absolutely.
Why me? One, you seem like you've got your head screwed on, and two can't be bothered advertising.
Wow! Er, OK.
Thanks Mr Charon.
That's great.
I'll tell head office you've accepted.
Thanks very much.
Oh, er What are the hours? You tell me, son.
You're the boss.
Don't look at me.
That's 50 for me and 50 for you.
I still don't feel comfortable with all this.
I feel like your pimp.
You're the one who suggested me.
I can't help it if they keep asking me back.
Speaking of which, what did you think of my Thinker? It's called a penis.
Grow up! What is wrong with you? I just feel weird.
Just getting a bit sick of rendering your shapes.
It's just mother nature, Lawrence.
A collection of muscles, joints and organs hung on a skeletal frame.
Yeah, and that thing.
I wish I'd kept my mouth shut now.
You needn't bear it much longer.
I'll soon have enough for a flight.
What flight? Oh, er yeah.
I was going to tell everyone about that later.
Tell everyone what? Well, it's been great spending time with the family and getting to know you, but its probably time I made a move.
I've not been anywhere this long since I left school.
I'm getting itchy feet.
Where you gonna go? Dunno yet.
Gonna play departure board bingo.
What's that? Think of a number on the way to the airport, find it on the departures board and off you go.
So where's that leave me? Why don't you come with me? I can't come with you, can I.
I've got my dad here and everything.
Well, Don't mention it to anyone else yet.
I'll tell them later.
Right, quick sandwich and a ball check and I am back in.
'Ooh, this is a tricky one.
' "What is the name of France's most famous pastry?" "(A) Croissant?" "(B) Bath Bun?" "(C) Eccles Cake?" Honestly.
Do they think anyone's gonna get that wrong? Bath bun, in't it? Got to be in it to win it.
Weekend for two in Paris.
You can have it if I get it.
Yeah, Zac would love that.
Mummy buy you a little beret and a stripey T-shirt? You know who I was talking about.
Mum, it's over.
Can I grab a couple of beers, Jan? Sure.
Do you want me to make some nibbles for you and Alf? No, we're fine, thanks.
You're like a couple of kids giggling away out there.
It's been 35 years and we've just picked up where we left off.
Might go down the Rialto later, try and pull a couple of dolly birds.
Don't call women dolly birds.
He looks well, doesn't he? Aye, yeah.
He's six months older than me an' all.
The swine.
That is croissant, the French pastry.
That's what it is.
Thanks, Granddad.
Give me a shout if you and Alf want anything.
Will do.
Charlie? See that little track down there? I used to ride my bike along there when we came here as kids.
Always wondered what it would be like to look out of these windows.
It's beautiful, Dad.
You can feel it, can't you.
It's in every brick.
The grandeur, sense of history, a certain air of sophistication.
I challenge any man not to be moved by this place.
What a dump! There's not even a working bog.
I went in the sink in the end.
Some nice fireplaces, though.
Yeah, they're all made from local stone, I believe.
In fact this one was designed by Lord Rees himself.
Story goes he was having lunch at The Savoy with Isambard Kingdom Brunel and he drew this design on a table napkin.
Get away! That is fascinating.
Shall we nick it? Pardon? I've got a mate who deals in reclaimed stuff.
He'll take this off our hands, no questions.
We'll split the profit.
You can't do that.
It belongs to the National Trust.
It's part of our nation's heritage.
Yeah, yeah.
'Course it is.
I was only joking.
Right, Gary, back to work.
That's what we're here for, isn't it? Nothing else.
Must be nice for you, though, Bill, being here with Terry and having your grandkids and your great grandkids around.
Better than being in an old folk's home, I'd imagine.
It wasn't all bad.
There was this woman on my wing, blonde hair, blue eyes, rheumatoid arthritis.
But I know where I'd rather be.
You can't whack a loving family.
Oh, that's nice.
Bit of the old afternoon sun.
Remember that hammock we rigged up in Malaya round the back of the mess hall? Every time the Staff Sergeant sent one of us off to dump the potato peelings, we'd come back an hour later with sunburn.
Ah, Malaya happy days.
Happy days.
Have you seen Tucker? Which one's he? Its a green Tree Frog about yay big.
Try the laundry basket, he's usually there.
Jan? Don't tell me you two are hungry now.
Er, no, it's not that.
Can you call the doctor for me? Why, what's up? Are you alright? I'm fine.
But Alf's gone and died.
Did he have any next of kin? He's got a wife in Australia.
Are you in contact? I only found out about her an hour ago.
I don't even know her name.
We'll sort all that out.
What was it, Doctor? What killed him? It's too early to tell, but probably just old age, Mr Starling.
He wasn't that old.
He was the same age as Right.
Well, thank you, Doctor.
Everything alright, Brother Loz? Yeah.
Just had bad news, actually.
My Dad's best mate just passed away.
Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that.
No, it's not your fault.
Look, I don't know if this will help, but as Buddhists, we try and see the journey from birth, through life to death and beyond as a series of small steps towards enlightenment.
Like Strike It Lucky? In a way, yes.
What I'm trying to say is that death isn't necessarily the end.
It's very possibly the beginning.
And I hope you and your family can take some solace in that.
Thank you, Arthur.
Hey! You're not going to believe this, Loz.
I left me pants at the art college, been free-balling all afternoon! What? Who died? Someone's really died, haven't they? What do you think of this place? Yeah, it's lovely.
I've been here before, actually with I've been here before.
My friends are dying to meet you, Roobles.
Are they? That'll be nice.
What about Friday night? Do you like Retronica? My best friend Leon's band are playing in Buxton.
We should go! Oh, I think I'm working on Friday night.
But you said you can choose your own hours now, you silly.
You da boss now.
I'm really sorry, Lou Lou, I'm going to have to take this.
He was visiting today and he just died in the garden.
That's terrible, Bell.
I know, so I wondered if you wanted to come round and you know, see everyone.
I can't really.
I'm sort of busy.
It's just there's been a death and Bell, we ended it and you said you never wanted to speak to me again.
Forget I ever called.
There you are.
Leon rang, apparently there's a flash rave going on tonight.
They've seized the venue, it sounds wicked.
Let's get a cab! You got a sec, Bell? Uh, yeah.
I've got to tell someone.
I haven't been able to talk to Dad because of the Quigley Hall stuff.
I can't talk to Mum or Granddad cos Alf died in our garden and obviously I can't talk to Gravy cos he's Gravy.
What is it? Come on.
I'm your big sister.
You can tell me anything.
You know the trial I had at Matlock? I got a call yesterday from one of the coaches.
Yeah? He's offered me a place at the football academy.
Well done! That's fantastic news.
I'm not sure if it is, though, Bell.
Why not? It's a two-year course.
It starts in six weeks and I'd have to move to Bristol.
First weekend back on Civvy Street.
We went the Manchester Hippodrome to see Gene Vincent and Eddie Cochran.
About halfway through the evening, we're dancing with these two lovely girls when this gang of meat heads bowls over.
Turns out the girl I'm dancing with is engaged to one of them.
So I tried my usual charm offensive, cos I never was much of a fighter But they were having none of it.
So I switched to Plan B, I threw a bar stool at 'em.
And bolted for the fire exit.
Next thing I know, I'm in this blind alley surrounded by six of them.
And then I saw the flick knife.
I've never been so scared in my life, son I tried to jump over the wall, but before I knew where I was, they'd dragged me back down to the ground.
They were kicking three kinds of Wednesday out of me.
And then I heard the bang of a door and Alf comes barrelling out swinging this dustbin lid over his head and screaming like a flaming banshee.
He belts the biggest one and the rest run off.
I woke up the next morning in the hospital and Alf was sat beside me in an armchair fast asleep.
He'd spent the whole night there.
Sorry, Dad.
He always looked out for me.
Jan's going to ring Australia later, try and talk to the wife.
Don't worry, we'll sort everything out.
Thanks, son.
Do you want a pill? Not unless it's a paracetamol.
Alright? Eh? You want a cup of tea or something? Er yeah.
I was just thinking about Granddad's friend.
It's mad, innit? One minute he's sat there chatting away and the next, he's gone.
That's nature, Charlie.
When your time's up your time's up.
Take the mouse I bought last week.
Got him home from the pet shop, made him a little bed out of cotton wool, gave him all the sesame seeds he could stuff in his little gob.
He was happy as Larry.
He had no idea what was coming.
What was coming? Python.
Swallowed him whole.
The point is you never know when you're going.
You're saying it's not about when you die, it's more about what you do with your life.
It's about filling each day and never wasting a moment of your precious time on this planet.
Taking every opportunity that comes your way.
All that.
Thanks, Gravy.
Oh, yeah.
'Night, Charlie.
OK, thanks for your help anyway.
Well, having spoken to the British Consulate in Canberra, the New South Wales Police and Births, Marriages and Deaths, it appears that Alf was never married.
He said he was married with a big house in The Blue Mountains.
That's the other thing.
The address he gave Granddad isn't a house.
What is it? It's a Rubber Dave's.
What's a Rubber Dave's? Can you drop us off in town, Dad? What's going on? Just going down the Job Centre.
Eh? What for? Get a job.
No, I don't get it.
What's bought this on? You've only got one life, haven't you? You've got to get out there, chase your dreams before it's too late.
Yeah, suppose that's true.
What do you wanna do? I'm gonna open a bar on a boat in the Florida Keys.
It's gonna stock only real ales, all the foods gonna be free-range, organic, kind of guff, and all the waitresses will be topless.
There it is! Gonna call it Udders.
Oh, God.
So first I need to get a bar job here, get a bit of experience under my belt.
Then after a year, 18 months, I'll approach the banks, get a massive loan and apply for my green card.
Better get in the van then.
That's an interesting interpretation, Lawrence.
I'm just in a very dark place right now, Susan.
Well go on, guess how much they cost.
12 quid? 12 quid? Come on, Charlie.
These are felt-lined.
Ah, you're not even trying now.
I'll put you out your misery.
With trade discount these knee pads cost Ј22.
97! Oh, my God.
I know, a saving of almost 30%.
I don't believe it.
And I get 20% off power tools.
Dad, don't turn round.
Eh? Oh, my God.
I told you not to turn around.
What the hell are you lot playing at? It's a bust! Yeah, go on, clear off, the lot of ya! This is National Trust property, you bunch of heathens! And you, Sleeping Beauty, come on! Morning, Terry.
Reuben?! What the bloody hell are you doing here? Are you the Po-lice? Do I look like the po-lice? That's the po-lice.
Run, Roobles, run! Wanna tell us who that was? Roobles? Not really, no.
Police! Burgess, Tony.
Starling, Graham.
Yes? I want a job.
But preferably not one of them ones.
They not suitable for you? Not really.
Well, lets see what else we've got.
There's a job as new CEO of Lufthansa.
Does that tickle your fancy? Starting salary of a zillion pounds a year.
Oh, right, you're being sarcastic.
Yes, I am.
Let's ease ourselves in shall we, Mr Starling? What skills do you have? I can juggle.
Any non circus-based skills? Yeah, I can ride a, um a No.
No, none.
Um What kind of thing would you be interested in doing? Bar work.
Now we're getting somewhere.
They must have smashed a window in the ballroom, got in that way.
And what time did you arrive this morning? We got here, me and my crew er, what was it, about 8:30? Yeah, Dad.
About then.
Did you recognise any of these party-goers? We've never seen them before in our lives, have we, guys? Right.
We'll just take a quick look around, make sure nothing else has been damaged or stolen.
There's a fireplace missing.
You what? Beg your pardon, sir? Yeah.
Big one, from the ballroom.
Someone's ripped it clean out of the wall.
Shocking, really.
I mean, that was part of our heritage.
We were only discussing how ornate they were yesterday, weren't we, Terry? Were we? Yeah.
Me and you and this lad here.
Sorry, I've forgotten your name.
Reuben, that's it.
Silly me.
Reuben, who, er, works for Terry.
Oh, you've got a bit of There you go.
Gets everywhere, dunnit? Bloody ravers! Thanks.
Knock, knock.
Oh, hello, Jan.
Have you got time for a little chat? I hope so.
So, I, um I called Australia.
How did his wife take it? Well, that's just it.
D'you want to sit down, Dad? What did Alf tell you about his wife? He said she was a lot younger than him.
That she ran a riding school for underprivileged children and was somehow connected to Spanish royalty.
Oh! She sounds perfect.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
She doesn't exist, does she, Jan? No.
I thought not.
And what about the house in the Blue Mountains where he could watch the cockatoos nesting in the gumtrees? It's a tyre yard.
Good, good.
Ah, well, old Alf always did like to embroider.
First time I met him he told me he was Richard Burton's half brother.
He once told an American bird he was King of Cornwall.
Come on then, give us the rest then.
And the penthouse overlooking Sydney Harbour.
What's that, a fishmongers? Rose Bay Heights? No, that does exist.
That's sheltered housing for the elderly.
For those who can't afford to live anywhere else.
He'd been there for the last two years.
How did he end up in a place like this? He's got a son in Leicester.
Well, his son died a few years ago.
Alf didn't have anybody.
Except you.
Hello? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
What? I-I'm looking for Jeremy.
No Jeremy here.
They They said I should ask for Jeremy.
He's not here.
What you want? I'm here about the bar job.
Oh! I'm Jeremy.
Gravy? Like the meat custard? Yeah, if you like.
I'll show you around.
This is the bar area where we make drinks for punters.
Yeah, I guessed that.
You make cocktails? Uh, yeah, I do, actually.
Make me a Freddy Fudpucker.
Holy hell! This is good.
There are two angels.
One dances on my tongue, the other punches me in the cerebellum.
You are good mixer, Gravy! You start today? Uh, yeah.
Can do.
Excellent! Just finish mopping, eh? I must go and kill a man who has betrayed my country.
Really? No, I've got to do a stock take.
Did we make a decision? I think we're going with the walnut coffin.
He did enjoy a walnut and he once had an old Triumph with a walnut dash.
And this might sound a bit morbid You're probably used to that! But, er, would there be some sort of discount if I were to pre-order mine at the same time? Dad! I'm just being practical, son.
I'm afraid we don't do that, sir.
Oh, well, if you don't ask I'll just go and prepare the paperwork.
I don't like you talking like that.
I'm gonna go one day, son.
We all are.
Yeah, one day.
But it's taken me all these years to find you and, you know, we've only just got to know each other.
So you'd better not be going any time soon.
Alright? You're the boss.
Mr Starling.
We're off.
Nice one, was it? Yeah.
It was.
Odd, a bunch of kids stealing a thing like that.
It must have weighed a ton.
Yeah, it's a mystery alright.
I grew up around here, you know.
See that little track over the back there? Yeah, I know that well.
Me and me mates used to come down here on our bikes, all the way down here.
Park up there and throw rocks up at these windows.
Did you? Ah, happy days.
But you never get 'em back, do you? We'll be in touch if we need a statement.
Unless there's anything else you can tell us? No.
Sarge? We just found a van parked up in the bushes on the edge of the estate.
There's a fireplace in the back of it.
What van? An electrician's van.
You sure there's nothing you'd like to add, Mr Starling? Nothing at all.
But you might wanna have a chat with the bright sparks you met earlier.
They're down the other end of the building.
Good party then, was it? Wasn't really my cup of tea.
Who was that girl? Nobody.
Is she your new girlfriend? No.
God, no.
She's just a friend.
Just a friend.
That calls you Roobles? Right.
Listen, Charlie.
Please don't mention any of this to Bell.
It was a moment of madness.
I was just trying to move on because I think that's what Bell wants but it's not what I want.
I'm not really enjoying any of this, to be honest.
I didn't ask for any of this.
Hey, come on.
You're just over-tired because you've been to an illegal jungle night and you haven't slept for 34 hours.
Oh, God.
You should go home and sleep, and by tonight you'll feel much better.
I won't.
I won't, Charlie, because your sister hates me and I love her so much.
Come on, son.
Let's get you home.
How How did it go? Alright? Yeah.
It's all sorted.
He's going out in style.
Nice coffin, weren't it, Dad? Yeah.
Just a shame no bugger'll see it.
We'll all be there.
Yeah, I know.
Thanks, lads.
You alright, Dad? Yeah.
No, yeah.
I'm fine.
I'll turn that off.
It's a bit depressing.
No, leave it on.
I like this one.
Spoken to you-know-who today? No, why? No reason.
Just thought I heard you call him last night.
I was just telling him to come and collect his stuff.
So you weren't ringing him because you miss him? I don't miss him, Mum.
I don't! If Reuben walked in right now I'd have nothing to say to him.
Hello, Bell.
Oh, hi, Reuben.
We were just talking about you.
No, we weren't.
What are you doing here? I don't know.
Ask your dad.
Before you two say anything else I want to show you something upstairs.
I'm about to feed him.
Your mum can do that.
Come on! Right.
Look out that window.
Dad! Go on! You see that water feature in next door's garden? Yeah.
Just have a look at the tip of Cupid's arrow.
Oh, no, he's not! Dad! Has he locked it? Has this got something to do with you? No, no! I need a wee.
What's he playing at? I dunno.
Dad, if you're doing what I think, you're wasting your time.
I don't even like this song anyway.
Yeah, me neither.
Very clever, Dad.
Do you wanna talk? Ready? Ready as I'll ever be, son.
Who are all this lot? We, er, invited a few friends, Dad.
They're from you and Alf's old regiment.
The Sherwood Foresters? It's the Mercian Regiment now.
We told them what had happened.
They were only too glad to come along.
To say goodbye to one of their own.
I didn't think anybody would be here today.
He had nobody.
Look at this lot.
Although this is a sad day for me, we're all together and that means everything.
Let's get up there and say goodbye.
Death is Nothing.
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort, without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.