State of Georgia (2011) s01e12 Episode Script

Locked Up, a Broad

Oh, that was a memorable party, Jules.
Oh, Honey, you know I never remember the memorable ones.
Hello, Aunt Honey.
Hey, Jules.
What are you two doing? Looking at my new digital picture frame.
Next.
That's not a digital picture frame.
That's an actual picture frame.
He's just swapping out the pictures.
With his digits! Isn't technology wonderful? Oh, slide show, please, with music.
( Humming ) ( Clears throat ) Aren't you a financial advisor? Don't you have a problem with this? For what she pays me, I would tattoo these pictures on my body.
Ooh, can you zoom into that one? Oh my goodness.
What are you wearing? That is stunning.
Oh, that dress.
It was sewn onto my body by Pucchese himself in 1969.
Pachuchu who? He was the designer.
Diana Ross begged for that dress.
She got so upset she fired all the Supremes.
I don't know much about fashion-- Quelle surprise! --but that dress is amazing.
Aunt Honey, do you still have it? Of course I do.
It's downstairs in my storage room.
It'll be perfect for this audition that I'm trying to get.
Can I borrow it? You most certainly cannot.
And don't start crying.
Didn't work for Diana either.
Aunt Honey, please.
It's for this heist movie set in the late '60s and they're looking for unknowns.
Which is so you.
No one knows you.
I mean, like outside of this apartment, it's like you don't exist.
You're like Okay, Jo, thanks.
They are letting anybody submit their videos online.
You just have to make sure it's in by midnight.
Tonight? - Yeah.
- But I have to shoot and edit it.
Why did you leave it till last minute? Well, because, Jo, I was working on my character.
And I decided that my character likes to hold things off until the last minute.
Listen, I am an actress.
I have to watch TV 24 hours a day.
Aunt Honey: Oh.
Yeah, exactly.
So about that dress? Sweetie, no one is wearing that dress.
I plan to be buried in it with my jewels.
You do mean your jewelry, right? - Of course I do.
- Jules: Okay.
Aunt Honey, please.
No! No one is borrowing that dress.
Come on, Jules.
We're outie.
So should I call down to the garage and have them bring up the Audi? Did I say, "come on, Jules, let's rolls"? Jo, what do you think? I'm supposed to be playing a jewel thief who escapes through the canals of Venice.
- It's a boat.
- Yeah, I see that.
Venice? I cou I could use so much more with this green screen.
You could literally escape from anywhere in the late '60s.
Like Woodstock, East Berlin, "Gilligan's Island.
" Let's not go crazy, Jo, okay? No one escapes from "Gilligan's Island.
" What about the dress though? That's nice.
Nice? You called Aunt Honey's dress amazing.
Well, it was amazing, but you know, given that our deadline's at midnight, we've gotta work with what we've got.
Or what we can get.
Georgia, no.
- Huh? - No.
- What? What? - No.
When are you going to realize that you saying no is not gonna stop me? And when are you gonna realize that we're not supposed to be here? Come on, Jo.
It's just a storage room in a basement.
It's not like it's the chamber of secrets.
If it's not the chamber of secrets then why there's a box marked "Harry Potter book eight"? Why is there a folder that says "Future Kentucky Derby winners"? Aunt Honey is connected.
So am I.
Now if I was the most incredible dress in the world, I would be here.
Or I would be a cape, some tights and a jetpack.
I think Aunt Honey-- I think she's a superhero.
Either that or she kills superheroes and then keeps their outfits as trophies.
Look, the dress! Okay, I'm gonna see if it fits and then we can shoot my scene.
Okay.
Why does Aunt Honey have two coolers marked "kidneys"? And why are our names on the back of them? ( Laughing ) Driving around the city is nice, but sometimes I just wanna stay in and watch TV.
Especially when you may or may not have clipped a hot dog cart.
Oh, I'd better had clipped it.
Who runs out of relish? Sorry we're cooped up here in the small screening room.
How are the renovations going on the big one? It's beautiful.
But I had to downsize the petting zoo.
So now let's see how my new digital remote is working.
Lights off.
Mmm.
Television on.
- ( Clicks ) - ( Television playing ) Technology-- what will I think of next? Georgia: Are you ready to see something incredible? I already am.
There's a note stuck to this "Harry Potter" book that says, "Honey, you're right.
This sucks.
I'll stop at book seven.
"See you at the derby.
J.
K.
" So what do you think? I think she's right.
The sex scenes are just gratuitous.
Hey! ( Gasps ) Wow! - Will you go to prom with me? - No.
- We made that mistake already.
- What? You and your date and I had fun.
It was so cool that we rented a hotel room.
Well, this dress is totally late-'60s Vixen.
Check this out.
"No, inspector, I don't know where any of those diamonds are," but you can ask me any question you want, "but you can't keep me here.
" ( Grunts ) Oh, that is not good.
No no no, it's so good.
Like the crooked cop won't let you leave.
No, this stupid chair won't let me leave, Jo.
I'm stuck.
Oh, yeah, it's the scarf thingies.
- Really? - Yeah.
Really? Jo, how am I gonna get out? I think it got stuck when you turned around, so just turn back around.
Back around the other way-- I don't know which way that I turned.
- I'll just go this way.
- I was gonna say the other way.
Oh no.
When, Jo? When were you gonna say the other way? All right, well, maybe I'll just-- I can rip 'em out.
No, Jo, you can't rip it out! This is a vintage pachuchu, one of a kind.
Are you crazy? Okay, well, maybe it would be easier to work on it if you weren't wearing it.
That is a very good idea.
Let me try to get out of this.
Okay, so, okay, that's not gonna happen.
So I guess I should go here, right? Maybe a little.
No.
- I can't.
Jo.
- Uh-huh.
- This is not good.
- Huh-uh.
So you're stuck in a dress that's stuck in a chair.
( Chuckles ) That's kind of funny.
Help me.
Thank you.
Actually, I'm gonna need you to get underneath and see if you can untangle it from underneath, okay? - Okay.
- Okay.
- Like under here-- wait-- - Can you see? - No.
- Okay, let me try to get this up so you can get there.
Ow! Now you got my hair.
- I got your hair? - Yeah.
So you're telling me that I'm stuck in a dress that's stuck in a chair that's stuck on your hair? Heh heh heh.
Now that's funny.
- Next channel.
- ( Clicks ) I know that actor-- biblically.
He was in my Bible class.
Shame on you, Jules.
You're a guest.
- ( Clicking ) - How can there be nothing to watch? You have every channel in the world, except, weirdly, HBO.
I didn't like "The Soprano" finale.
Agree to disagree.
Next channel.
Go back one.
( Clicks ) Wait.
What is that? - Jo: No no no, just stop moving.
- All right.
That's the feed to my security camera and that's my Pucchese on my soon-to-be-dead niece.
So popcorn? Oh, definitely.
We are gonna be here awhile.
( Moans ) I'm so uncomfortable in this chair.
Really? You're uncomfortable sitting on the $1200 chair? Try being stuck underneath it.
( Winces ) Ooh! ah! my fingers, ooh! You know that I pace when I've gotta think.
Can't we just, like, roll outside and see if we can find some help? Who's gonna help us? I don't know.
The doorman, the super.
What? Do you know how much Aunt Honey tips those people? Seriously, the super just bought a yacht that he docks on the doorman's private island.
Those are some pretty big tips.
I know, and they'll rat us out in a New York heartbeat.
Speaking of, "New York heartbeat" wins the derby next year.
There has to be someone in this city that we can call.
We need a hero.
Louis Pasteur.
No, Carl Sagan.
I like his eyes.
And I would kill Niels Bohr and marry Einstein.
You know there are female scientists, right? You have your list, Seth, and I have mine.
( Cell phone rings ) Oh, it's Jo, the old ball and chain.
What up, babycakes? Louis, we talked about that.
Hi, Jo, what's up? This is a little embarrassing, but Georgia and I are stuck in a chair in a basement and we need some muscle.
Well, I'm your guy.
Actually, could you tell Seth to come down, please? Sure, no problem.
She needs me.
Seth built a hovercraft out of a kickboard and blender parts.
So he should be able to fix this.
Great, so I still have time to shoot my audition scene.
So you shave above the knee? I'm bored.
Sounds like a new captor's coming.
Let's see if it picks up.
There you go, baby.
There you go.
Golly, I've never scalped anyone before.
Scalped? This isn't a precision instrument.
Where did your aunt even get this? Knowing her, some samurai prince or sultan must have given it to her after their crazy adventure changing world history.
I got it from the Skymall catalog.
They have the most interesting crap.
I know.
I got a fancy backscratcher from there.
I got an even fancier one.
Scratch, please.
Seriously, how do I look? You look like you're not stuck in a chair, Jo.
Please, help me get out of here.
As a man of science, I'm confident in stating that this dress is really stuck in that chair.
So are you, like, book smart, but life stupid? Yeah, well said.
Okay, guys, please listen up.
I need you to figure out a way to roll me upstairs so I can do my audition tape.
Okay, I think that we should take the chair apart.
Let's go upstairs and get an Allen wrench.
- I concur.
- Oh, you concur, Louis? You concur, really? What is an Allen wrench? It's something that I can go get that you can't.
It is on.
Come here! An Allen wrench? Is that how it ends? An Allen wrench? It's so abrupt and unsatisfying.
It's "The Sopranos" finale all over again.
Well, can I at least be there when you confront Georgia for taking your dress? I think I'm gonna give her a pass on this one.
She's suffered enough tonight.
We'll be right back.
Wait wait wait.
If you run into Aunt Honey, this is one of those things she can never know about, kind of like the time her invitation to president Obama's birthday party "never showed up.
" That was such a good cake.
I was supposed to be your plus one.
And I said some things to Michelle that will be awfully hard to take back.
Change of plans, Jules.
Press that orange button.
That door just closed and locked by itself.
And if I hear they went to the royal wedding, break that glass, push the blue button and turn off the sound.
It's an electronic lock with a keypad outside the door and And the conduit's tied in to the building's main service panel.
We know now that it's sword-proof.
( Whispers ) Well, you should have asked me to come over in the first place.
I thought I did.
Don't worry.
We'll get you guys out of there.
Okay, they're on their way.
So theoretical question; If we were the last three people in the world, I could mate with the both of you, right? If we were the last three people in the world, trust we'd be the last three people in the world.
Until Georgia and I got hungry.
Then we'd be the last two people in the world.
This is not nearly as much fun as I thought it was going to be.
Jo, you have a video camera on that thing, right? Ooh, now we're turning the corner.
I was thinking that if the boys don't get here in time, maybe we could just film the audition on there just in case.
How are you gonna look like a 1960s diamond thief when you're stuck in an office chair? Girl, it's called acting.
Check it.
No one will catch me here on the canal.
I'm a diamond thief on the run-- on the roll.
In a storage room.
How am I gonna make this look real? They'll never catch me here on the canals of Venice, Italy.
Did you get that? - Jo.
- I'm sorry.
I was checking my email.
And action.
Can I please press the blue button? If they just moved those boxes, they could have used my old gondola.
That's good, right? They could work.
That kind of looks like venice.
What are you talking about? It looks horrible.
Hey, I don't need to be nice to people who are planning to eat me.
( Cell phone rings ) - Leo, where are you guys? - We're getting close.
- They're almost here.
- No, we're not.
We're still at school.
You're supposed to be here unlocking the door.
The door? Just hack the keypad.
We're working on the bigger problem.
What bigger problem? Getting Georgia's dress unstuck.
- Ask her if she's double jointed.
- Oh, yeah.
The dress? That's what you've been wasting your time on? Hey hey, we made excellent time considering I had to match the fabric and then sew it without a pattern.
Hello? Jo.
All right, Plan "D.
" I know this sounds drastic, but if I could get a match and use that scuba tank, I'm pretty sure that I could blast us out of here.
Jo, just forget it, okay? It's too late anyway, really.
And you know, it didn't have to go down like this.
I had everything I could possibly want.
Then I just saw something so shiny and pretty and I couldn't help myself.
I had to sneak in and get it, and look where it got me-- locked up, cut off.
Another dream just slips away.
But I deserve it, right? It's all my fault.
Aunt Honey: About time you learned your lesson.
God? I go by many names.
Hey! You look pretty.
And so young.
And forgiving.
Where's my dress? It's right where I found it-- unharmed.
What about my chair, my sword, my bottle of wine? We are really really sorry.
Then you may both sit.
Actually, I think I'm good on the sitting for tonight.
Thank you.
I'm sorry that we didn't get your audition tape in on time.
That's okay.
I'm sure there were thousands.
Mine wouldn't have stood out anyway.
No, trust me.
It looked great.
What are you talking about? I have four high-def security cameras.
Wide shots, close-ups, everything.
Wait, so you saw that whole part when I was rolling around on the chair? No, that was horrible.
I'm talking about the little speech you made at the end.
That was just me talking.
I wasn't trying to pretend I was some jewel thief going straight.
You were talking about how shiny things always get you in trouble, wishing you could stop yourself.
It was powerful stuff.
So I just saved it as a quicktime and just sent it on in.
- Thank you, Aunt Honey.
- Mm-hmm.
I would have put in some fades.
Did that.
Credits too.
Really? Those take forever to render.
Thank you, Aunt Honey.
I can't believe you did all that for me even though I disobeyed you.
Family's family, all right? When someone's really in trouble, we stick together.
We don't ask questions.
- We help each other out.
- Absolutely.
That's why you're going down to the police station and you're telling them you hit a hot dog cart.
What? Mr.
Hagobian has more friends than I thought.
Thanks for coming to brunch.
It helps to talk to other survivors.
All we did was hang out in a room for two hours.
The biggest threat was stepping in your pee.
The voice of God startled me.
- We did it! - I'm out! I'm finally out! Okay, we need to call Georgia and Jo-- Oooh, maybe we should have called you when we got out.
I did.
I called Leo last night.
Oh, like you didn't have fun.