State of the Union (2019) s02e06 Episode Script

Intimacy Kit

You don't have to wait.
I'll bring it over.
I'll save you the trouble.
- This is delicious.
- Good.
- Would you like some? - No.
You don't even want to know what it is? No.
- Why not? - Because it'll be some trick.
A trick? What sort of trick? Like, um, it's not that gender detector gum, is it? Oh, for God's sakes, there's no such thing.
Oh, okay.
I thought you'd be interested in that kind of shit.
- Gender detector gum? - Mm-hm.
Why would anyone feel the need to invent that? Well, it obviously comes in handy for sports.
That's why it was invented.
But apparently, people like you carry it around now.
People like me? Who are people like me? People driven demented by ambiguity.
So what's the deal? How does it work? It reacts with your hormones and changes colors.
Pink for a girl, blue for boy? Well, it was that.
But people thought it was too gender stereotypical.
Now, it's green and purple.
And there's someone trying to make you chew it? What's going on? Scott was trying to get me to eat a gender determining chewing gum.
- Come on.
- I wasn't.
I had never heard of it until just now.
Jay's jerking your chain.
- Were you? - Of course I was.
- Why would you do that? - Because you were trying to get me to eat something you thought was gonna tell you something about me.
- What? - You were putting me on.
How could you believe any of that? The pink and the blue, the green and the purple? Couple of weeks ago, you were telling me of the evils of big mustard.
Why wouldn't I believe this? And how would you know what color my imaginary chewing gum is anyway? - Why would I show you? - You have to spit it out sometime.
Yeah, in private.
Or swallow it.
Okay, I get it.
I was being somewhat naive.
Got to understand, all this is new to me.
Which part? Human nature, biology, chemistry, psychology? Let's just sit down.
You are an unexpectedly cunning opponent, Jay.
Yeah, I thought you'd enjoy it.
You know, I kind of did.
Was he really trying to get you to eat something? Yes.
I'll bring your tea over.
You were trying to get them to eat licorice, weren't you? Jesus Christ.
For 30 years, I've listened to you say women don't like licorice is one of your pet theories.
Favorite film, Great Expectations.
- The David Lean version.
- Yes, of course.
The fucking David Lean version.
I know.
I've heard that interjection 15 million times.
Favorite theory, Women don't like licorice.
Yeah, you're right.
I'm boring and predictable.
We've been here before.
Can you just leave Jay alone? What is the problem with not knowing something? That's why I hate counseling.
The not knowing.
I thought at the beginning we were going to put something right.
Straightforward job, a goal.
But it's not like that.
We may have no marriage at the end of it.
We'll deal with it.
You've spent your whole life knowing things, and been wrong about most of them.
At least, we know what we're going to talk about this week.
Yes, and I'm looking forward to it.
Cabdi's a big deal.
And I think I should have been introduced to him a long time ago.
Scott, last weekend you were thrown out of an intimacy workshop.
I think Cindy might want to have a look at that.
For God's sakes, I wasn't thrown out.
I was asked to leave.
This isn't the wild West.
Nobody picked you up by your breeches and hurls you out the door.
They say, "Maybe this workshop isn't for you.
" "Maybe you should go home.
" You were thrown out.
Nobody wanted you there.
They didn't think they were in a safe space.
Ugh, we had the places, now we're on to the spaces.
People were talking about incredibly private things.
If they were that private, why say them in a room full of people? You'd never catch me doing that.
And we all noticed you wouldn't talk about yourself.
But you had plenty of suggestions for other people.
So easy to see what other people are doing wrong.
Did you not think you'd be expected to open up a little? I didn't know what a workshop was.
I really didn't know what an intimacy workshop was.
What did you think was going to happen? I thought it'd be something about sex and I thought I'd be writing things down.
You thought was going to be just about sex? When you go into one of those smart hotels, and they try to sell you intimacy kits for like $100.
It's condoms and lubricants.
Those kits are the least intimate things in existence.
Every single person who goes into those hotels checks out the intimacy kit.
I've never opened the tin.
I just read the stuff in the back.
So to you, intimacy meant condoms and lube.
When people say they got intimate with someone Sex.
Well, sex is a part of intimacy.
I thought it was the whole thing.
Wow, I've been married for 30 years to a man I thought sex and intimacy were the same thing.
Maybe it's just a confusion of terminology.
Maybe what you call intimacy, I might call something else.
What might you call it? I'd need to know what it is first.
Of course, there's a physical side, but there's a mental thing, too, where you trust someone enough to tell them everything that's going on, even though it might be scary and exposing.
They're different.
I've never really known what's going on with you.
Oh, there really isn't much in there.
There used to be a lot of secrets.
Yeah, but not interesting secrets.
Well, I would have found them interesting.
- Did you talk about them to other people? - No.
But honestly, there was nothing to say about them, not to you, not to anyone.
They were just facts, really boring facts.
I can actually see that.
From your point of view.
Anyway Turns out people have thoughts about everything.
Ideas about things I thought just sat there.
Friendship, marriage, sex.
You seriously thought sex and marriage just sat there? Until every now and again, you'd say, "Let's go and see a marriage counselor.
" I thought you were making an honest attempt to come to grips with things I found frustrating.
I just stopped doing them.
Yeah, you kind of did.
It was something deeply unsatisfying about that.
See, I always thought that I never had access to the hidden chambers of your mind.
No, no hidden chambers.
But you're a smart guy, you know stuff.
You tell me what politicians are doing wrong.
But I'm not complicated.
I don't even know what complicated means.
Particularly not when it comes to a person.
I mean, you're complicated, right? I'd like to think so.
You'd like to think so? It's a good thing? You know, layers, unpredictability Oh.
Well, can one be uncomplicated in a good way? I mean, I guess.
But your doubt suggests I'm uncomplicated in the bad way.
Why did you marry me in the first place? You were funny and handsome.
I don't know.
- I fell in love with you.
- Even though I was uncomplicated? I liked it.
I'd been with Mark for four years, and he was complicated.
Mark's father stole a quarter of a million dollars from his employer and ran away with a guy.
Yeah, that really fucked with Mark's head that made him complicated.
So sometimes, complication can mean interesting personal history involving deviant behavior.
Being gay isn't deviant behavior, Scott.
Oh, my God.
You think I don't know that? Stealing.
Mark's father stole a lot of money.
That's deviant behavior.
Jesus Christ.
What do you think of me? I'm sorry.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
You know, maybe my views are more complicated than you think.
Or at least, not as straight forwardly stupid.
Point taken.
If you went to therapy, what would you talk about? I have literally no idea.
Parents? Meh, I just kept out of their way.
But I didn't want to kill them, mostly.
Not even wanted to fuck them.
And I didn't like them much.
I was a normal son.
I wonder if that's all I've managed to do.
String together a whole load of facts.
I always presumed there were millions like me.
It's time to go.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode