Stella (2012) s02e05 Episode Script

Series 2, Episode 5

What you doing?! Come for dinner with me.
I won't be going on a date with you, alright? Return home where your wife will be waiting for you.
If it is meant to be.
I need some time.
On my own.
Oi, bum face, why d'you never answer? You and me gotta sort our costumes out for this reunion thing Friday.
You know we gotta go '80s, don't you? Am I too fat for Tina Turner? Anyway - where are you?! If you're dead I know a good undertakers.
Rob? Stella! So this is your new empire! Bit of a comedown, isn't it? Oh, y'know, acorns and oak trees and all that.
Could do with a spring clean.
You offering? Nah, you're alright.
Look, I saw your car and I thought I should come and apologise.
For going off on one.
About? When you asked me out for dinner, like.
Oh that.
Cos I know you were just being friendly I know, sorry, bit stupid of me, really.
Can we forget I mentioned it? Yeah, if you like.
Mr Morgan? Harry Lloyd from Longton's.
Oh hi.
You found it alright, then? Yeah, no problem.
Look, I've got to get on.
Was there anything else? Oh yeah.
I just, er I'll leave you to it, then.
See ya.
I'd offer you a cup of tea, but I haven't even got a kettle yet.
It's alright.
Hiya, gloomy chops! I been thinking about you, kid.
How's tricks? Fine.
Ey, don't you go fobbing me off with your nonsense and what you call.
You were full of the joys at the end of Peschman's doo-dah, and now you're looking rough as ten.
What's happening with that wife of yours? I'm hardly gonna talk about it in front of Bopa, am I? Don't worry about her.
No, she've got her hearing aid stuck on loop.
She can't hear nothing unless she's in the NatWest.
Can you, Bopa? See? Look, I'm fine, alright? Everything's fine.
Couldn't be better.
She've left him, she have, Bren.
Course she have, the silly bugger.
Oh well, look who it is.
Pontyberry's most wanted.
Alright? I'm not being funny, but last time I saw you running we was in Mrs Wild's class and you had egg and spoon in your hand.
I got a pedometer, look.
Got it down the Poundshop.
I've done 783 Paula, I been ringing you all morning.
I just seen Rob.
Oh my God.
I think he's finally got the bloody message! Has he? Yeah, so hopefully now he won't be Hang on, you went the Poundshop? Without me? Needed a kettle.
You had a new kettle Christmas.
For my flat.
What?! Alright, it's more of a bedsit, really, above The Bap Factory.
Am I in some kind of dream here? Are you telling me you've left my brother?! I knew I should've kept running.
Paula! And 20 Bensons, please.
Sorry? you got a problem with that? No, no of course.
I think Tanisha is confused because she didn't know you smoked.
And nor did I, Dai.
That's because I don't.
I don't smoke.
I've never smoked.
I wouldn't even know how to smoke.
Oh God! Lock the door before another customer comes in! OK.
I'm a professional.
Dai! Dai! Look at me.
Can you look at me, please? That's it.
Everything's gonna be alright.
You said that at your stupid workshop.
Come and see me with your wife.
And together we shall heal these pains.
Paula! Oh my God! Aunty Brenda told me about you and Dai! Well that was kind of her.
I mean, I know you was having problems cos Dai said so in Peschman's thingy, but splitting up?! Yeah, well.
And it seems a bit pointless at your age - you may as well stick together till one of you pegs it or starts wetting you pants.
Anyway, I gotta get on.
Sometimes I think me and Karl are the only people in this town who know how to keep a damn relationship together.
Take care, yeah? Thanks, Nadine.
Ooh! Knight in shining armour, you are.
Can I stick this in the back? I'm afraid the back seat seems to be occupied at the moment.
Oh yeah.
What's going on? OK.
Here's the thing.
I want to take some time off to sort my head out.
What you going on about?! You can't just dump us in it like that! Alright.
Hold your hearses! Look, I'll give you a little promotion to temporary manager.
Do it come with a pay rise? And I'll need an assistant.
Well now you're being an arse.
Those are my terms.
Meet them or this mother walks.
You been watching The Wire again, haven't you? OK.
OK! I'll advertise immediately.
Good day.
Hey! Yanto! Give us a hand, presh.
Don't touch the dog, he's been rolling.
Paula's left me.
She's moved into a flat.
Actually, it's a bedsit.
Well, how do you know? Fancy a cuppa? What am I gonna do, little sis? Oh come on, it's not that bad.
She's just going through a funny phase, that's all.
But why's she gone off me like that? What's wrong with me? Nothing, presh.
You're lovely.
No! But you gotta let go of me now, love.
I gotta pour the tea.
Alright, mmm? I tell you what'll cheer you up, have a look at them photos.
I been trying to get inspired for this reunion.
I might go as Kate Bush.
D'you reckon she's gone a bit mental? Who? Kate Bush? No, Paula y'know, like Uncle Billy did? Maybe.
I need you to talk to her for me, Stell.
Persuade her to come to counselling.
Peschman said, "Communication is key.
" If we can just sit down together in a room with him and talk Alright.
I'll have a word.
School leaver's Dance 1988.
Christ, the state of us! Doesn't seem that long ago, really.
You looked after me all night, remember? Cos no-one wanted to dance with the pregnant girl.
Except Alan.
I only came cos I wanted to get off with your mate.
Which one? I bet it was Shelley Evans? Everybody wanted to get off with Shelley Evans! No it was Paula.
Where d'you want it? Stick it by there.
I gotta say, I was wondering when I saw you here the other day if the fella in number six had snuffed it.
Obviously not.
No, I'm not here in a professional capacity, Yanto.
It's personal.
Loud and clear, Paula.
I'll make us a drink.
I like it.
It's got the unmistakable touch of woman.
Well, I just wanted to make it feel mine, make it warm and inviting.
Oh you've done that alright, but then you would.
There's an old Mexican proverb that says, "The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon the woman "who do live in the house that do rest upon the ground.
" Well, you're my first guest, so I guess this makes it my house-warming.
I guess it do.
Up a bit, up a bit, up a bit - stop! That's it, you got it, kid! Aye, aye.
Expanding the workforce, is it? Hiya, love! Word's spread like wildfire, Luke.
I already got three interviews lined up for tomorrow.
I reckon you'd be very good with the grief stricken, y'know.
Nah, I'm allergic to death, me.
Yeah, that's what they all say, Daddy! And I don't believe a word of it.
Bless him.
He tries his best, but we all know he'll always be a social outcast in the eyes of this town.
What's that mean? I'm very well, thank you.
But I asked you where you were going.
Oh it's proper hard this is.
Why couldn't you have been Scottish or something? I reckon I could learn Scottish easy.
Keep going, you're doing really well.
D'you think I'll learn in time for the Namkaran? Of course! Look I'll see you tonight.
Sun? Yeah? You never really mentioned it, but that Leah did she say anything to you? About what? About me and her at the ball.
Y'know, when I slapped her in the chops? Cos I'll say sorry if you want.
D'you want me to say sorry to her? What? No.
Don't be mental.
You got nothing to apologise for.
You're so lovely.
Oh give me a break, will you? No, it's not like that Great! D'you need a hand? What? No, I'm alright.
Well obviously you're not.
Come 'ere.
It's OK.
Do I know you from somewhere? Your face is erm I dunno.
I think I just got one of them faces.
You don't wanna lose this, do you, mate? How old? Oh God.
Sorry, what a muppet.
Erm, he's he's five months.
Well, thanks anyway.
It's no worries.
Where you heading? The Community Centre.
I can get to it down this way, can't I? Yeah.
Is it for the baby thing? My sister goes to that, I think.
It's just down there on the right and you can't miss it.
Full of screaming babies.
So, today we're going to take a closer look at the fascinating bloody subject of blood.
Any vampires please leave the room now.
Sorry! Er, quick as you can.
Later we'll be having Excuse me.
A discussion of how the structure of the individual cells are adapted to their function in the body.
You'll be covering the functions of the red blood cells Here I am, here I am How do you do? Now, it's time to meet Toby Tall.
Everyone get out their Toby Tall - he's the tallest of them all! Toby Tall, Toby Tall Where are you? Here I am, here I am How do you do? What you laughing at? Nothing.
It's not funny, OK? It's educational.
Oh for God's sake! You are pathetic.
It's open! Two secs Done it.
Hello, gorgeous! Leah, we really need to talk.
Oh I don't like the sound of that.
Sit down! No, you're alright.
This, all this, y'know, it's got to stop.
I'm married.
I love my wife.
I don't want anyone else.
What? You're right, I've been an idiot.
I just can't help myself sometimes.
I want us to be mates, y'know? But nothing more than that.
Will you forgive me? Of course, don't be daft Right, well turn around a minute.
I've got a surprise for you.
Leah, what you doing? Turn around! It's not nothing horrible.
It's nice.
If it's alcoholic I am strictly not drinking till the weekend, so don't even OK - you can turn back now.
Still want it to stop? Bloody hell.
You gonna come next time, d'you reckon? Yeah, probably.
Cos it's better than being stuck in the house, isn't it? Yeah.
I'm Emma by the way.
Excuse me, who's in charge here? I am.
Hello! Well, I really must insist that you vacate the premises now.
My rehearsal starts in ten minutes and we need to warm up.
Come along, chop chop.
I gotta go.
Yeah me too, I'll walk with you if you want.
No, sorry, I can't hang around.
Is everything alright? Yeah! Next Saturday we're having a Namkaran, like a baby naming for Abhra.
You can come if you want.
Oh I dunno Bring your fella.
If you got one.
Yeah I got one.
Y'know the newsagents on London Road? It's the flat above it.
Be really nice if you came.
I'll see.
I gotta go.
Stella! Hey, Al, you know about wigs, don't you? Er, yeah.
I need to get a big long black one for the reunion.
You decided then? Kate Bush, is it? Yeah.
Hey, you wait to see who I'm going as.
Ta-da! Boy George.
D'you know what I love most about you, Al? What? You're one of life's optimists.
Right, better get on with this lot.
Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love.
Is everything alright? No it's not.
This isn't going to make me popular but I have to follow my heart.
And my ears.
I'm sorry but I want Jagadeesh to be our lead singer.
Mrs Barclay, I can't! You most certainly can.
You have a gift.
Not to share it would be a crime against music.
Don't do this to me, Hilary.
Put a sock in it, Daddy, you're nothing but a trouble maker! This is my group and my word goes.
If anyone has a problem with it then I think you better leave right now! I should think so too.
Now back to business.
Jagadeesh, take your position, please.
Right, from the top.
Paul, is this you? God.
What you doing here? Aw, that's a nice way to greet your guests! Sorry, I well wasn't expecting you, that's all.
Oh, presh.
Look at the state of you.
You look completely shagged! This has all got out of hand, Paul.
You and Dai, you need to sit down and talk.
He wants you to go to counselling to see this fella, Peschman.
And he's made an appointment for the two of you for Friday night just say you'll go.
Please? Who's that? Yanto.
Be out in a minute.
How come? He lives downstairs.
Needed a shower so Haven't he got his own? Be nice.
I can't work that out.
You got better water pressure than me, and you're top floor.
Alright, Stell? Yanto.
So! Bedsit land, then? How does it feel to have this one on top of you? It was unexpected Stell, I'll say that much.
OK, maybe we'll catch you later, yeah? Right.
Don't judge us too harshly, Stell, sometimes the animal within just takes over.
You know how it is.
You have got to be joking me?! Bloody hell.
I mean, I thought it was a bit premature taking a trip to the Poundshop, but this? This! I'm a different person, Stell.
I can't explain it.
It's like something's come over me.
No, not just Yanto! I feel like a phoenix rising from the grave.
What? It's phoenix rising from the ashes.
Stell, I have been living with death all my life.
I even married a man called Dai! If I don't change things now I never will! Oh for God's sake.
Starting with my hair.
I'm thinking of going blonde.
You need help.
Yeah, you're right, cos ginger's a bugger to bleach.
No! Professional help, with all this! Dai is right.
You need to see this Peschman fella and sharpish! Who are you to tell me how to live my life? Look at the cock up you made of you and Sean! Me and Sean went out for five months.
You and Dai have been together for 24 years! You can't just walk away! What you doing?! You can bloody well come and stay with me if you won't go home to Dai.
But I've signed a lease.
Tough bananas.
Oh, here it is! No, no, no you hold it.
Mam'll go mental if she catches me with newsprint on my fingers again.
She'll think I've been at the chips.
I love Ashley Banjo.
Everybody loves Ashley Banjo.
Even Banjo loves Ashley Banjo.
That's probably cos they're related.
He's coming to Cardiff soon with Got to Dance.
And you know who really loves Ashley Banjo? Bethan.
Oh, you don't stand a chance with her.
She's twice as tall as you for starters.
So? Come on, let's do it.
Right, but I'm not doing any country dancing.
That ruined year two for me, that did.
No way! We'll do break dancing, poppin' and lockin'.
Totally old school.
Alright, boys? Alright.
Eh, I'm doing well with the collecting.
Already got Ј1,300.
Oh, well done.
I'd offer you both a lift home, but the petrol's monitored so I'd have to charge you.
See ya.
What d'you reckon then? I'm in.
But if we win I'm buying Dad the rugby pitch, right? Right.
Hiya! Didn't hear you come in.
We been having a little nap.
Haven't we, Abhra? Made your tea.
Aw thanks, babe! Aw we had a lush day today, didn't we? We sang Peter Pointer at playgroup and we made a new friend - Jack.
Aw, his mam's ever so nice, Zoe her name is.
I've invited her to the Namkaran.
That's alright, innit? And I been thinking you gonna invite any of your uni friends? Nah, don't think so.
See how you feel, is it? I don't mind if you do.
Aw, I proper missed you today, I have.
Mam! I hate sharing a bed with Luke.
He just kicks me all the time, It's like he's doing karate in his sleep.
Cheeky git.
Yeah, well, you'll have to put up with it for a bit till your Aunty Paula comes to her senses and goes home to her husband.
Yeah, when's that gonna be? Never.
It's over.
Oh bollocks it is.
She's seeing a therapist tonight, presh.
He's gonna sort her out.
Will he hypnotise you? He better bloody not do.
Alex Marvo's brother got hypnotised once and he spent an entire day thinking he was a packet of crisps.
I'm going back to bed, back to lilo, anyway Oh no you're not, good girl.
You are coming costume shopping with me - no way am I leaving you on your own.
You've got to help me.
You're my only hope.
I'm being kept here against my will.
Tell the authorities.
Mam, I might be a bit late tonight, me and Little Al are gonna see Bobby about Got to Dance.
Alright, but don't nag him if he don't wanna help, alright? He've got enough on his plate with this one bunking off.
Where the agency dug that one from I'll never know! I know.
Every single one of them have been dreadful.
Well, look, we'll just have to ask Stella to fill in for a bit.
At least she knows the ropes.
Well, she could certainly do with the cash.
Alright? Hiya, boys.
I hope you've come to top up on your pre-pay, cos at the moment you're getting nothing more than the basic.
No! What it is, I saw that sign in the window and I thought to myself, "Aunty Brenda, now is the time.
" Cease the moment! Hang on, good girl.
This job requires some heavy lifting.
I'm not after the job, Bob! I'm after Daddy.
To come bowling? Ten pin? Crown green.
Fours? Pairs.
Well, it's your call? Well, maybe it's time you started again then, isn't it?! Excellent.
Come on.
Billy Trigg'll lend you some whites.
You'd be better off coming for a run with me than drinking that crap! Alright? I hear you and Paula are having problems? I'm going for counselling.
That's good.
You've got the right answer, Rob.
Don't get too close to no-one, then you can't get hurt.
I dunno.
It's fucking lonely, sometimes.
You're getting on alright with Stella, aren't you? No.
Didn't quite work out as I'd planned.
Life never does.
What are you going as tonight, by the way? I'm not.
I think you'd look good as Adam Ant.
Right, see ya! Don't be fooled by Dorothy's chat about arthritis - she's on a heavy dose of Nabumatone and she gets a bit of weed from her grandson - so she's nimble as a whippet.
Me and Eric have history, so you leave him to me, alright? It's no honey trap, but I do know how to push his buttons, if you get what I'm saying? Let's do this.
Alright, Luke, you met Dai before? Dai, Ceps? Luke's Stella's boy.
Think of him as my boy as well, raised him up alongside my two as if he was one of my own.
Alright, Karl, you're making me sound like Mowgli now.
Don't let us keep you, Dai.
He's got a bit of a reputation that one.
No, he's a changed man.
That was just them milkshakes he was on.
Roid rage it was.
He's good as gold now.
Yeah, c'mon then! C'mon.
Now there's a nutter if ever I saw one! Lenny Mack.
I knew him when I was inside.
He's a twat.
Not that people say it to his face, because he's a crazy twat.
Yes! Stick with me, kid, I think we got a future together! If it's about the job, then I'm afraid you're too young.
We're doing Got to Dance and we need a choreographer.
We need you.
Got To Dance with Ashley Banjo? Why me? Because you're the only person in Pontyberry who owns a pair of ballet shoes.
That as may be.
But it'll take a lot of hard work and a lot of determination, nay grit.
Have you got the grit? Yes, Bobby.
I said, "Have you got the grit?!" Yes, Bobby! We can't pay you.
I wouldn't be in it for the money, Ben, God no.
I'd be in it for the glory.
When I walk into that reunion they'll all be like, "No way, Karl, you haven't aged a day, man.
" "Karl, Karl, I bet you can still do the monkey ropes in the hall.
" I bet I bloody can, too.
What are you doing? Hello again.
Oh, hiya.
I was just looking for someone.
Can I help? No.
I was looking for Oi! What you doing here? Sorry, babe I went out for milk and now I can't find my key.
D'you want something or what? What is wrong with you? You doing this to wind me up? No, course not.
Go and wait at your mam's.
I'll call you when I get home.
Can't you just give me your key? I said wait at your mam's - are you deaf or what? Well, go on then.
Piss off.
You OK? I'm fine.
Oh good God.
Cyndi? I'm going to this '80's thing.
I know.
Adam Ant is already here.
Have no fear.
Remember the first step is the deepest.
In this room there are no rules.
But there is one rule.
We must always hold the feather when we speak.
Yes? We may nod without the feather, it's just the speaking bit, OK? So! A marriage can seem broken, yes? But is it? Think! The flowers grow in the cracks of your pavements.
The violet leaves its fragrance upon the heavy jackboot that crushes it.
D'you understand? No.
It's very simple.
Everything is always all the time up to you.
And you.
And you Sorry.
And you.
To begin.
Dai, please speak to us from your place of pain.
Well, she's not been right for a bit, thinking about it.
And as you know things have been different in the bedroom department, too.
I can't.
Yes you can! Come.
Open your communication canals.
What has been so different of late in the bedroom department, store department? OK, you really want me to share, do you? Well, for a start I slept with someone else.
Hang on.
You should really have the feather.
Who? Who did you sleep with?! I slept with Yanto! OK? Whoa! This had better be a wind up.
With Yanto?! Yanto! And over to you.
I should've gone as Roland Rat.
More distinctive like.
This just looks like I got a blanket on my back.
It's nothing like Martin Kemp! Oh stop going on, Karl.
You don't hear me complaining and I don't even remember the '80s! Look at you two! Crystal Cocking Carrington! Thanks.
And Gary Bastard Numan! No! I am not Gary Numan! See, I told you.
Martin Kemp he is, Rhian! Course! From Spandau! No! From Eastenders! Christ.
Go on.
Go on.
Save the club! Any change? Go on, Mr T.
Thank you.
Save the club! Save the pitch! Who you come as, then? Michael Jackson.
God, fair play, this punch is alright.
Going down a dream! You started early by the looks! Well, it's gotta be done reunion, isn't it! You seen anyone yet? Not really.
Oh my God! Don't look! Where? Two o'clock.
No it's half past seven.
No! Just walked in! Shelley Evans! Have she gone yet? How do I know? You told me not to look.
Why you hiding from her anyway? Cos we're not speaking, are we?! Member?! When I was first going out with Rob? And he snogged her at Michael Cellan Jones's house in 1986? I didn't speak to him for nine days and I haven't spoken to her since! I think you'll find she snogged me.
Hi, Rob.
Who you supposed to be? Y'know, that fella from Top Gun? Ooh spooky! Tom Cruise is in the building.
These sunglasses won't last five minutes.
Don't wear 'em, say you're the Hof, or the Fonz - one size fits all, like.
Oh, Al, no-one's gonna care who he's come as, once they get a few of these down 'em.
You both look great anyway.
Nice this coincided with you still in the country.
When you going back now? Oh I'm not going anywhere till I find out what happened to Gethin Powell.
Merthyr Tydfil Industrial Estate.
Works for Carphone Emporium.
You're free to go.
Stella, be nice tonight, is it? What?! Alright, Rob? Who are you then - the Hof is it? Er well actually Oh my God! He just said Martin Tweed's coming! Which one was Martin Tweed? Just a coke, please.
You remember Tweedie! Tall lad.
His dad ran the garage on Llanphy Road before it was a Murco.
You know him! Had a thing with Shelley Evans.
Well that doesn't narrow it down very much.
Who didn't have a thing with Shelley Evans eh, Karl? Who was she then? This Shelley Evans girl? There he is! Oi, Tweedie.
Tweedie! Hey, Dai do you remember Martin Tweed cos I can't place him.
You seen Paula? Not yet, presh.
Try some of this it's lush, it's like pop! Breaks your heart, don't it? See a grown man fall apart like that.
Shut up, Nadine.
My God, is that Trevor Mackie?! Whoa - time has not been kind! Shelley Evans! Robbie Morgan! Cilla! Stella.
Bloody hell, you look amazing.
Oh, do I? I was going to go for Alexis Colby and then I thought, "No, Shelley you are way more Crystal Carrington.
" And I was right.
I am.
God it's good to see you.
I haven't forgotten New Year's Eve '86.
Michael Cellan Jones' house.
Stella and I were just talking about that.
Would you like a drink? He never said.
Oh! Rhian Evans? Trevor cocking Mackey! As I live and breathe! You still got that Kawasaki? No, I had to let it go.
Got a car now.
Four door.
Lovely she is.
I gotta say, beaut, you haven't changed one cockin' bit.
Eugh, Shelley Evans is here.
Exactly the same as ever.
You look fab.
Eugh, I don't feel it.
So how was it then, with Peshman? Are you pissed? Yeah.
I wish I was.
Come on! No, you look best.
No you do.
No, honestly, you do, really.
Crystal was way more curvy than I am.
Was she? I don't remember.
Not my generation.
I was in like, infants when you lot was 'ere.
Who's that for? Shelley, is it? Er yeah! There you are.
Thanking you! God, Blue Moons, this takes me back.
You not having one? No, I'm driving.
So you're living in Cardiff now? Yeah.
For my sins.
It's not as glamorous as Vancouver I know, but it has its moments! I'm sure.
It's great to come home once in a while, but Christ, look at this lot.
Doesn't it make you glad you got away, Rob? Ah, it's not that bad.
It's the people that make a place really, isn't it? Oh, Karl, man, just give in.
Well, it was really helpful getting it all out in the open.
But I thought Dai was gonna kill me at one point when I told him about You didn't tell him about Yanto? You idiot! You know they're both here, don't you? Yanto! I hear you been messing with my wife! Alright, Dai? Just got to go and do something.
I'll be with you in a minute, but.
Come here you little Scrap! Scrap! Scrap! Stop it! You're a bloody joke, Dai Kosh! Oh, you alright, presh? Yeah, I'm alright.
I'm alright.
Thank you! The show is over now! Kosh family entertainment has finished for tonight! Stella, come for a smoke.
Sorry, Shelley, what was that? Something you wanted to say? No, no, I was just commenting that it's funny how people don't change, do they? Not really.
Come on.
Come on.
I'm not being funny, but she has had it in for me How much of that stuff have you had? Oh, bloody hell.
I don't know what I'll do if Dai and Paula get divorced.
They're like a national institution.
Well, a Pontyberry institution, anyway.
By rights, we should be smoking them sobranie cocktails.
You remember them? You were allergic to the gold tips.
I'm sorry I'm not very nice to you, Rob.
That's OK.
It's cos I don't know how to handle you.
You're unhandleable-able.
D'you still fancy Shelley Evans? What do you think? You always did that.
Answer my questions with a question.
You wanna kiss me.
Don't you? Stella I know you do.
There's no point pretending you don't.
We always did good kissing you and me, didn't we? Yep.
Yep we did.
And I think I'd better get you home.
So you can shag me? Come on.
My car's just over there.
Rob! Rob! What you doing? Just in case.
Come on.
Get into bed and have sex with me.
I'm very, very good in sex in bed.
I am beyond mortified, embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed.
Everyone has their price, Alan! You've got to believe me.
This is nothing to do with me! You're the best thing that's happened to me since I got out of Helmand Province.