Stella (2012) s06e05 Episode Script
Series 6, Episode 5
1 I'm Will.
Rob's younger brother.
I was with a woman called Hannah for three years, then she left me and married Rob.
And we have 70.
Oh, my God, Will.
- The bracelet.
It's gone! - What? What's wrong? I'm doing chilli for tea if you fancy it.
No, I better not, uh get back start and swotting up for this interview.
I'm wasting my time a bit, really, aren't I, presh? [THEME MUSIC.]
And then she smiles And my heart starts beating - I go weak inside - La, la, la La, la, la Hey.
What's your brother up to these days? Little Will? Is he married? Erm I don't know.
He might be.
We fell out.
I haven't seen him for about ten years.
Bloody hell, Rob.
What happened? Oh, it's complicated.
I'd rather not - Come on, dish the dirt.
- No, I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind.
I didn't handle it very well at the time and, um Well, older brothers should know better, really.
More tea? Yeah, thanks.
BOBBY: Stel, Michael's here! [SHE SIGHS AND SNIFFS.]
[RADIO MUSIC IN BACKGROUND.]
- Mingle and Tingle? - Hm, yeah.
Nadine came up with the name.
I'm not 100%, to be honest, but Well, you get the gist.
It's a chance for our clients to come face-to-face - over a glass of Lambrini.
- So it's speed dating.
- No, it's not speed dating.
- Okay.
See, I knew that's what people would think.
Hey, careful you don't get no dog hair on your nice suit, he do moult to high Jemima, that one.
- Hiya.
What are you doing here? - Charming.
- Oh, no, I didn't mean that, just - Hello, gorgeous.
- Cup of tea? - Ah, no, I'm fine, thanks.
I brought those forms for you, to transfer Holly's inheritance.
- You need to get that done, Stella.
- I know.
I will.
'Cause it's not a good idea to have all that cash lying around in your account like that.
What, it's not lying around, is it? - Don't be ridiculous.
- Don't start, now, you two.
You'll upset Banjo.
Yeah, sorry.
I'll do it today, OK? [BABY COOS.]
You're looking very nice.
What's with the suit? - He's got his interview, haven't you, - Ah, interview.
- McIntosh and Vine.
- The one Jan set up.
Mmm, I said his date with Ponty Partners wasn't a total waste of time.
- Come here a sec.
- BOBBY: Mmm.
BEYONCE: Man, I am wrecked this morning.
- I'd better go.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
Hey, baby J, look, it's Daddy.
- Christ, I've died and gone to Utah.
- Morning.
Hey, Jackson.
I haven't had a wink of sleep.
Your son kept me up for hours.
You're looking hot, Mike.
What's with the threads? - Got a job interview.
- STELLA & BOBBY: Got an interview.
Nice.
Hey, while you're here, I've been thinking about changing Jackson's name by dean poll.
- What? - Deed poll.
Just the spelling, like.
So Jackson, only with an X.
J-A-X-O-N? Cool, right? My mate Cath suggested it.
- The answer is no.
- Oi, it only cost 30 quid.
- BRENDA: Morning! It's only me.
- Like, 33.
Good God, someone's made an effort.
What's with the suit? ALL: He got a job interview.
And how are you today, Aunty Brenda? Bearing up, Michael Jackson, bearing up.
Of course, you know better than anyone what it's like to go through a - crisis of identity.
Not been easy - Anyway, I've gotta finding out who my real father is, now, in my late 40s.
Still at least this little one will know from the start, eh? - BRENDA: [GASPING.]
Yah.
Yah.
- Right, then.
See ya.
Good luck, Daddy! Now, which one of you lovely people wants to help me in a spot of detecting work? That's called a Mercedes-Benz SL 1973 model.
It's one of Daddy's favourite cars.
Put the bins out, didn't you? I did.
I put the bins out round the back of our house, which we now officially own.
- Feels good, doesn't it? - Yeah, great.
Oh, don't, Luke.
I've got to get the kids off.
Hey, listen, your mam's going to pick 'em up later, OK? Why? So you and me can go and look at this little baby.
What? We're not buying a new car, Luke.
It's not a new car, actually, it's a classic.
- Certainly not a car that costs 19 grand.
- Oh, come on.
I know it's not the same kind of investment as the jewellery, - but it's still a collector's item.
- Right, let's get this straight.
Either I'm in charge of your dad's money, or I'm not, but you can't keep changing your mind, OK? - Hey! Zo! - Messing me around.
And wasting that much money is just irresponsible.
- That's wrong! - Daddy's getting a new car.
Great.
Come on, kids.
We'll be late for school.
- OK? Ready? - See you! [DOOR SLAMS.]
Jag I'm thinking of doing a stall at the footy trials tomorrow.
Sell my sausages, advertise the pub.
- What do you reckon? - Ah, Yanto, my friend, I like your dynamism.
Ah, perhaps you could do something with a football team? Yes! Like sausage in a football.
Any more coffee going, Jag? Coming right up.
Or football in a basket.
All the time, my team are trying to think of ways to make the Fox more frisky.
For example, tonight, we have mingle and tingle, a speed dating event, no less.
It's not technically speed dating, Jag.
Might you be tempted to join in? Oh, no, thanks.
Not really my scene.
You are a man of mystery, Will Morgan.
Like your late brother.
He would've been very proud of you, you know, - coming to see young Luke.
- Yeah, Luke's great, isn't he? Ah, his heart is bigger than that of a cow.
Did you know, for instance, he has given half of his inheritance to Stella, to look after for baby Holly until she grows up? Hm? Gave it away, just like this.
Just like just like this.
- That's very generous of him.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
Oh, er excuse me, Jag.
Zoe? Any news of the bracelet? Nothing.
I'm on edge all the time.
I haven't heard anything from the police.
Did you give them your statement? Yeah.
They they want to speak to those dickheads from the bar.
I really snapped at Luke this morning.
He wants to buy a bloody car, now.
Will you call and try and stop him? Yeah, of course.
But You've gotta explain to him what's happened, Zo.
I can't.
He's gonna kill me.
[HE SIGHS.]
Anything? Negative.
What's the point? I just want a glimpse of him, is all! Hang a sprout Oh, no, it's just a pigeon.
Oh [SHE SIGHS.]
Look, why don't we go and just ring the bell? Don't be ridiculous! I'm completely unprepared.
- I'm not even wearing a hat.
- That's true.
Werther's Original? May as well.
I helped my Nana Pat once when she was spying on my Bampa Pat.
Thought he was doing the dirty on her, 'cause she found a lipstick and earrings in his pocket.
So me and my cousin Dean followed him to this house, turns out he was a member of a poker group.
- [GASPING.]
Mm! Mm! - A cross-dressers poker group.
Right.
Pass us the binocs.
- [MESSAGE ALERT.]
- BOTH: Mm! Let me have a gander.
Oh, my bejazzle, be-Jessie J! - Go on.
- My mate Danni just text me.
She said Keckers have only gone and signed up to that Mingle and Tingle tonight.
- The speed dating? - Yeah! Manky rat.
I gotta go.
Hey! What about me and my father? Sorry, Aunty Bren.
I got my own undercover work to do now.
Mm! [BRENDA GASPS.]
[BRENDA GASPS.]
[MOBILE PHONE RINGS.]
I've just come out.
They offered it me.
Oh, Michael, that is brilliant news.
Congratulations! They're a great company, you know.
I really like them.
I wasn't sure whether to phone you or not.
I mean, am I even allowed to ask you about things like this? I don't know what the rules are any more.
- Don't be silly.
- So when do you start? Monday.
They've got more work than they can cope with, - so I'll really be in at the deep end.
You know, - Stel? - I prefer it like that.
- Hiya.
You got five minutes? - Stel? - Listen, I gotta go.
Will and Zoe just arrived.
- Well, hang on, I haven't told you about the - I'll talk to you later, yeah? And well done.
Really.
So long.
[TYRES SCREECH.]
Fuck's sake! Maniac! - Luke? - Ah, shit.
Test driving it.
Please don't tell Zoe.
Well? Go on, you better tell her.
Right, but don't go ballistic, OK? I went to that auction, didn't I? And I bid on a bracelet.
Yeah, I know.
But Luke said you didn't get it, got outbid, or something? That's what Zoe told him.
The truth is, she did get it then she lost it.
Or it's been nicked.
You are kidding me.
I wish I was.
Oh, Stel, what am I gonna do? I take it you haven't told Luke? - How can I? He put me in charge - No, she hasn't.
of all the money.
Right, well, you're just gonna have to bite the bullet, my girl.
You can't seriously think you can carry on without him finding out.
- Bloody idiot.
- Hey, come on.
You'll feel better once you've told him.
Yeah.
Will's right.
The longer you put it off, the worse it's gonna get.
I should know.
Why don't you go and call him now, get it over with? Yeah [MUSIC: The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy.]
The boys are back in town, boys are back in town I said, boys are back in town Oh, this is beautiful.
And the steering on it is so BOTH: Shit.
I know.
Who cares? - Oh, Luke, you really put me in a dilemma now.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
Hey, I was here first, mate.
You're not buying it.
I just mean I should be taking the sensible stepfather line, telling you to be careful with your money and not go spending it all, - but this is really nice.
- Oh, Christ, you're as bad as Will.
Will? What's it got to do with him? Zoe got him to call me earlier and advise me not to buy a car.
None of his bloody business.
He's only looking out for me, mun.
Yeah, well, you're a big boy, Luke.
You can make your own decisions.
Yeah, you're quite right, Michael.
And I've just made the decision it's my turn to get behind that wheel, - so pull over and shift it but.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
What time's Billy get back from school? Um about six, after he's finished training.
Why? Well, I thought I could treat you both to dinner.
We could try one of Yanto's bangers in a basket and drown our sorrows in a lemonade.
What sorrows have you got, Will Morgan? Well, nothing compared with Zoe but I told you about this charity I'm starting, didn't I? Oh.
I thought it was up and running.
Almost, yeah.
It's a bit one step forward and two steps back, to be honest.
I'd found these amazing premises in the East End, room enough for a hostel and a day centre.
The deal was we had to sign by this Wednesday and pay one year's rent up front, but this morning, I found out that my investors pulled out.
Oh, what? I thought it was all a bit too good to be true.
Right, well it just wasn't meant to be.
But something else'll turn up, you watch.
It keeps ringing and goings to voicemail.
OK, so you're just gonna have to go home and wait for him and tell him face-to-face.
Yeah.
MICHAEL: [SLURRED.]
To the new car! And the new job.
Hey, Michael, you know, I'm sorry about everything.
You know? With Holly and that and What you're trying to say is you're sorry that your mother had sex with your dad and had another child 30-odd years after their first one was born, which incidentally is you.
Yeah, that.
That's the way life goes, young Lucas.
Jesus, is your name actually Lucas? Is Luke short for Lucas? I have no idea.
[THEY LAUGH.]
Lucas! [THEY WHEEZE AND LAUGH.]
Between you and me, I'm just hoping I'll wake up one morning and everything'll be back to normal, isn't it? 'Cause we're good together, aren't we, me and your mam? Mum? Your mam? Whatever.
I love her so much, Luke.
I know you do, mate.
And you know, I think, if I'd had the chance, I'd have really liked your dad, too.
Yeah.
Even though he had sex with my wife, the bastard.
- Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm just - [PHONE RINGS.]
Er, that's all right.
Ah.
Bollocks, I can't hold this off any longer.
[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT.]
Hi, babes.
Uh - Yeah, I'm just on my way back now.
Have you? - [MICHAEL SLURPS LOUDLY.]
Have you? See you in a bit.
- Oh, she wants to talk.
- Ah.
Aw! I hate it when women wanna talk.
But what they really mean is they wanna bollock you.
- Right, I'll call a cab.
- No, don't go yet, let's go clubbing.
I'll show you my moves.
You can come and give me moral support, if you like, 'cause you're like, you're a grown-up.
Oh, I hate being grown-up.
18, 19, 20.
Here we go.
Wow.
Oh, thanks, Jag.
Just put 'em by there.
Bobs'll sort 'em now, in a minute.
You're looking very commanding this evening, Nadine.
Just making sure I look my best for the clients and that.
Talking of which, whereto is Will Morgan? Oh, is he one of your clients? Don't be disgusting.
He's one of yours, isn't he? Ah, Nadine Bevan, are you gonna help me with these bloody chairs, or are you gonna spend all night mooning over a fish - you've got no chance of hooking? - All right, then.
Oh, Jag whereto's the speed dating? Is it in by here? BOTH: It's not speed dating! It's mingle and tingle.
Yeah, and it'll cost you £10 to sign up.
Well, what about people who just want to watch? - Don't be disgusting.
- Not like that, mun.
Being a what's a name, aren't I? Chaperone for my Nana Pat and my Aunty Rhian.
Uh? Cock-a-doodle cocking-doo.
Two vulnerable women.
Easy target for some nutter.
[HUSHED.]
Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick.
Zo! I got Michael with me.
Oh, yeah! Hiya, babes.
Sorry I'm late.
Zooey! [HE LAUGHS.]
Little Zoe.
- Oh, my God, you're both pissed.
- Ah, yes, guilty as charged.
Well, yeah, what it is was we have both been celebrating.
Yep, 'cause I got a new job.
- Congratulations.
- Yeah, and I Hey, no, now, don't be cross, OK? No, please don't be cross.
- I bought a car! - He's bought a car! - What? - I mean, to be fair - he's only put a deposit down, - But I thought we discussed it this morning? - What is wrong with you? - but it is a beautiful car.
And, you know, you both deserve a bit of luxury.
Yeah, I mean and I only put the deposit down, but it's an absolute - stunner, babe.
- Luke, just shut up a minute about the bloody car.
I got something to tell you.
Well, thanks, Will.
That was absolutely lush.
- Yeah, cheers, Will.
- Oh, I nearly forgot.
Got a little surprise for you.
What's this? Oh, man, these are wicked.
Will, that is really kind of you.
To wish you luck for tomorrow.
- Oh, cheers, man.
- No worries, mate.
Now, do you wanna go and check if the pool table's free? - OK.
I'm gonna slaughter you.
- Yeah! You are so good with him.
So are you.
Wish I'd had someone like you to help me when I went off the rails.
Billy hasn't gone off the rails.
He's been unlucky, but none of it was his fault.
Hello, sleepy.
- Stella, I've got a confession to make.
- What? What? - No, it's embarrassing.
- Go on.
OK, well when you were going out with Rob, that second year, oh, he was 18, I was 13.
Yeah? I sent you a Valentine's card.
- You never?! - I did.
Oh, actually, I do remember getting another card.
Your brother was really jealous.
I was just confused.
Couldn't understand who'd want to send me one.
And all along, it was little Willy Morgan.
- Shut up.
- Bless.
D'you have a crush on your big brother's girlfriend? Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
I can't believe you've known for this long and you didn't tell me.
- Jesus, you think I'm some - I was in the shock, OK? - kid that can't be trusted.
- I had to think for a minute, work out - What'd you think I was gonna do? - what to do next.
Go mad! Exactly like you're doing right now.
Shouting like this is not gonna get anyone anywhere.
But 22 grand, Zo! 22 grand! Fuck! - And you were telling me this morning - Keep your voice down, will you, - I can't have a car 'cause - The kids'll hear you.
you're in charge of the money.
Well, that went well, didn't it? I didn't ask for someone to steal it, you know.
- Yeah, well, you may as well have.
- Thanks a lot.
Right, shut up, both of you! Zoe, I take it you told the police? Course.
I gave a statement, and Will did.
What's Will got to do with it? He was with me, wasn't he, after the auction? Oh, great, so you both been keeping it from me.
Oh, shut up, Luke, he's just protecting me, all right? OK, OK, let's not get worked up.
What'd the police say? They think they think Lenny's mates might have been involved 'cause they were in the bar where we were drinking.
Oh, great! So you get pissed up in some bar while a mate of Lenny Mack's can go rifling through your handbag - and nicks a bracelet worth 22 grand! - Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot.
- Yeah, yeah, all that money, don't worry - That's all my fault.
- it's safe with me, Luke.
Just gonna - I asked for this, didn't I?! - splash it out on a big 20 grand bracelet - It was an accident! I didn't do it.
Hello? Hello, everyone.
Hi Hello Hiya.
Ah, my name is Bobby Gittins, co-founder of Ponty Partners.
- Um - Looks like false bastard alarm, kid.
So far, no sign of cocking Keckers.
which I hasten to add is not a speed dating event.
Um, now, as you will see, there are more women here than men.
So, just checking, do we have any lesbians among us? Lovely.
Well, if you'd like to come and stand by the boys, my loves.
Come on, then, through you come.
There we go.
Thank you.
And we'll sit you down on this side.
Of the table! Oh! We've got another man.
We've got another man! - [CHEERING.]
- Sorry I'm late, like.
No, not at all.
Please come in, take a seat.
The Eagle have landed and is about to sit down.
Christ, it's like musical chairs at a kids' party here.
Be back now in a minute.
Where the hell do you think you're going, Nadine Bevan? BOBBY: If I could just have your attention, please? Thank you very much for that.
Hi, guys.
- Nadine.
- All right? - What you doing? - Uh You can join us if you like, only I thought you were busy mingling and tingling.
Oh, they don't need me, they're fine.
Right rack 'em up.
Uh - BOBBY: Good luck everybody.
Here we go.
- Oh.
[CHATTER, BLOWS WHISTLE.]
- Well, it's lovely to meet you.
- Yeah, you too.
Yes, move down one.
Lovely.
- [SHE CLEARS HER THROAT.]
- B?! Going shopping are we, Kecks? - Nuh, it's not like that - I'm not even cold in my grave, and already you are sniffing around like a cat on cocaine.
My mam signed me up for it.
She said it'd help mend my broken heart.
I misses you, Bonce.
Don't no one don't go putting no Bonce in the corner.
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
[LONGER BLAST.]
- [REPEATED WHISTLES.]
- [CHEERING.]
- Oh, hiya.
- What are you two doing here? - Girls' night out? - Ha-ha, no.
God, have you been waiting for me? Sorry.
No! No, me and Billy came for our tea.
Will wanted to treat us.
They're playing pool at the moment.
Oh, right.
Hm.
Oh, and he bought him some snazzy football boots.
Look.
- Cool, eh? - Yeah.
Oh, and congratulations again on the job.
You look like you been celebrating.
Yeah, with Luke, actually.
- Really? - Listen, Stella, you're gonna find out about this sooner or later, but if I tell, you gotta promise not to go mad, OK? Oh, is this about Zoe losing a bracelet worth 22 bloody grand? Yes.
But how did you know about it? Will made her come and tell me earlier.
Did he? Right.
She didn't say.
Hm.
He's really helped her, bless him.
I like him.
He's a decent bloke.
Oh, yeah.
Top bloke is Will.
And he's, like, uh, becoming everyone's bezzie mate by the look of it.
- Bezzie mate? - Well, he's got Zoe confiding in him, he's buying boots for Billy, proper little hero, isn't he? What are you talking about? Our marriage is hanging on by a thread, and all you can do is go on and on and on and on and on about Rob bloody Morgan's perfect bloody brother.
Letting him buy you sausages and the like.
Michael! You're being really silly now.
Rob's gone, so you're making do with his brother, is that it? Well, do you know what? You're welcome to them both 'cause I'm going to bed.
[SHE SCOFFS.]
No, nothing yet, mun.
Police are checking the antiques shops and all the pawnshops, of course, and they're trying to track down them mates of Lenny's.
Listen, I I gotta go.
I'll, uh, see you later at the footy, yeah? So long.
I am so sorry about last night.
Oh, don't be nice to me, Luke, I'll cry.
Hey, come on.
I feel such an idiot.
Look, we're not gonna miss what we never had.
We've still got the house.
Who needs a new car, anyway? Oh, Luke Come here.
Michael, I hear we're going to be seeing you, ah, back in Ponty Magistrates again soon.
Blimey, news travels fast.
Yes, I start with McIntosh and Vine on Monday.
I look forward to working with you again.
Uh, Darren, I don't suppose there's any more news on my daughter-in-law's bracelet, is there? No, we checked the CCTV footage.
Nothing yet on those two blokes you mentioned.
Oh, well.
Thanks anyway.
Oh, but we need to catch up with the fella she was with.
He might've seen something useful, you never know.
Will Morgan? But I thought you'd already spoken to him.
No.
Oh, it's awful, mind.
They've terrible bad luck, them two, don't they? I know, but you gotta ask yourself, what was that Zoe Morgan doing buying a 22-grand necklace? - Bracelet.
- At an auction? Who the Dickens does she think she is? David Dickens son? I think it was meant to be an investment, Aunty Bren.
Ha, well, that'll learn her to get above her station.
Oh What's wrong, Stel? Oh, nothing it's just social services have e-mailed, looks like they've found you a new home.
With a couple called Keith and Sandra.
Been fostering for years, apparently.
- [GASPING.]
Yeah? - So, when am I moving out? Well, it says you can move in with them next week.
Right.
So are you gonna try contacting your dad again today, Aunty Bren? Already have, Bobs.
I decided to write.
That's how all them aristocrats do communicate, like in Downton and what's the name of them.
I sent him a letter this morning, I did, requesting an audience with His Lordship at the big house.
I'm going out.
Where to? Out.
I'll see you at the trials.
Yeah, well, don't be late now, mind.
- [SHE GROANS.]
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- Do you think he's all right? - Yes.
That, what you call, Ronaldo was moody at his age by all accounts.
Morning.
Hello, Michael.
- How's the head? - Oh, it's good.
It's clear.
It's level.
Right.
- Nice shorts, Yanto.
- Thank you.
I like to keep people wondering.
So, Will, what are your plans today? I'm going on a trip down Memory Lane, revisiting some of the old - haunts of Pontyberry.
- Nice.
And then I might go and watch the lad play football later.
Good, good.
Zoe said you'd been very helpful with the bracelet.
Yeah, well, you know Did you get any sense out of the police when you spoke to them? Nah, not really.
They're pretty good round here, the police.
Don't you think? Where are we going with this, Michael? Nowhere.
Just saying.
Right.
Better get going.
[SUCKS AIR THROUGH TEETH.]
Make the most of the day.
Jag I need you to help me with something that's not quite illegal, but would probably be considered slightly wrong.
We really shouldn't be doing this.
I know, Jag, you said that already.
- What are you actually looking for? - I won't know until I find it.
A-ha! Got ya! Ah! I've been looking for that everywhere.
I used to be able to solve it in just under 97 minutes.
Let's have a look, hmm.
Oh, God.
Argh.
Will, hi, hi.
- All right, guys - Hi.
Ha-ha.
- Forgot my jacket.
- [JAG LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Ah, Jag's getting a new fire escape put in and I am advising Actually, Jag, I think it'd be better - coming from the left-hand side.
Yeah.
- Ah, the left, hmm.
Anyway, we'll, uh, leave you in peace.
Right [CLEARS THROAT.]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Hey, hey, hey, now What's going on? Do you like it? It's my new pop-up burger business using only the finest Welsh ingredients.
But you're on my turf, Little Al.
This just isn't cricket.
No, it's not.
It's football.
And in the spirit of free enterprise, I'm here to offer the punters a choice.
Not everyone wants to eat your manky bangers.
I'll have you know, young sir, there's nothing manky about my bangers.
We'll let the customers be the judge of that, shall we? Aye, either of you two seen young Billy? All I've seen is deceit and treachery.
- No answer.
- Right, well, keep trying.
Oh, I tell you what, my nerves are as raw as a rare burger.
Sausage Burg Saus Oh! She got a good grip on her, mind.
Yeah, takes after her Great Aunt Brenda.
Hey, thanks for having her today, presh.
That's OK.
Going down the allotment, aren't we, Molly, hmm? Mmm, no, it it's Holly, it is, Glen.
Morning.
Hiya.
What are you doing here? I'm looking for a Pontyberry tour guide.
I smoked my first cigarette up here.
Me too.
And your brother did.
[WILL CHUCKLES WRYLY.]
Do you miss him? Rob? That's a loaded question.
Well, Luke filled me in on everything.
I know that Holly Well She's my niece, isn't she? Yeah.
She is.
It's complicated.
Stella tell me to shut up if I'm being out of order, but well, I reckon if you don't ask, you don't get.
Sounds ominous.
No, it's just Well, this lease for the premises I was telling you about.
- For The Robert Morgan Foundation.
- Yeah.
Your brother'd be mortified if he knew you'd named something after him.
Flattered, but mortified.
Probably.
Anyway, I was wondering would you consider lending me the deposit? Well, there are definitely other backers who'll come through for me, just not before Wednesday.
So I reckon I'd pay you back within the month.
Six weeks Max.
How much are we talking? 30.
Grand, obviously.
Obviously.
And what makes you think I've got 30 grand kicking about? Well, a little bird told me that Luke gave you half his inheritance for Holly.
I mean, I would I would've asked Luke, but - He haven't got no money left.
- [CHUCKLES WRYLY.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
Luke.
Just talking about you.
Oh, for God's sake.
Billy haven't turned up to the football trials.
[SHE SIGHS.]
You're meant to be practising your football, not your pool.
What's the point? Be living with a different family, won't I? And Luke won't wanna take me training, nor Bobby, 'cause you'll all have forgotten who I am.
Look, sunshine, you may have a poor opinion of most people, but leave my family out of it 'cause once you are in Stella Jackson's tribe, you're in it for good.
Whether you live in Timbuk-bloody-tu or Pontyberry West.
You're never gonna get rid of me, presh.
So don't even try.
Now, are you over your hissy fit? 'Cause I reckon if we leave straight away, we might just about make it.
[CHUCKLES.]
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
Off you go.
Luke?! Are you trying to give me a seizure or what? - Sorry, Bobs.
- Go and get them, Beckham! Come on! Luke.
Oh, mate, Zoe's told me all about the bracelet.
Oh, I am glad.
'Cause it was awkward for me, that.
She didn't want to tell you straight away and I Yeah, but I don't like secrets, Will.
You should have told me, really.
Yeah, I should.
I'm sorry, Luke.
No worries.
- All right? Sorry I'm late.
- Hiya.
Had to drop Jen off at my Aunty Anne's.
Mm-hm.
Ha.
Ooh.
I do love football, me.
Everton I support.
'Cause I do like those stripy mints.
Yeah, go on, my son! Fucking show 'em what you're fucking made of! - Hey, now, language! - Sorry.
That's it, Billy kid! Frighten the living shit out of the little bastards.
[MUSIC: One Way Or Another by Blondie.]
One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya One way or another I'm gonna win ya I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya One way or another I'm gonna see ya I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya One day, maybe next week I'm gonna meet ya, I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya - Stella.
- Hope you are in a better mood today.
Yeah, sorry about last night.
The beer.
Did you find what you were looking for, Mike? What's this? Oh, nothing.
Oh, when I went back for my jacket this morning, Michael was, uh, searching my room.
I wasn't searching your room! Michael's not my biggest fan, are you, Michael? OK, then explain this.
I saw Darren Jenkins this morning, from Pontyberry Police, he wants to see you to get a statement about Zoe's bracelet.
Right.
And? Well, you told Zoe you'd already spoken to the police.
Look, eight years ago I was convicted for possession and served six months in Pentonville.
Ever since then, I tend to stay away from the police.
- BRENDA: [GASPING.]
Yup.
- Well, I don't blame you.
- Luke was the same, weren't you, presh? - I still am.
Satisfied now? - [CLICKS TONGUE.]
- [SCOFFS.]
I've got nothing to hide, Michael.
Sorry to disappoint.
Excuse me, but while you've been jabbering away, our protégé has been talking to the most famous Welsh football player ever to exist.
Who's that, then? Craig Bellamy.
Is he more famous than Christian Bale? You mean Gareth.
It's Gareth Bale.
All right, the second most famous.
- What about Ryan Giggs? - Fair enough.
The third.
- Robbie Savage.
- Oh, right, one of the most famous footballers Wales have ever produced.
- Do he play for Everton? - Oh - But, well played, mate.
- Cheers.
And by the way, I'm much more famous than Robbie Savage, OK? - Well? - He asked me if I had a club and I said no and he said he'd recommend me for his academy.
- Oh, nice one! - Never! - Good one, Billy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Cardiff City? Yeah.
- [BRENDA GASPS.]
- Oh! Billy, well done.
That's brilliant, mun.
- Congratulations.
- Yay! Well, ooh-ah, here's to Billy Matthews, football international.
- Cheers! - Cheers! - Even though it is Cardiff.
- Oh, shut up.
[WHISPERED.]
Oh, gawd! I should imagine, once I get to know my real father a bit, he'll have a few connections in the football world.
He'll help you out, kid.
I'm sorry about Michael.
I'm Rob Morgan's brother.
He's bound to distrust me.
I know, but it's not like him, that's all.
He's normally pretty level-headed.
I hope it hasn't put you off coming to see us again.
- Of course not.
- And I know About what we were oh.
Sorry.
I've been thinking about what we discussed earlier.
Yeah, me too, and I I shouldn't have asked you, I'm I'm sorry.
Thing is it was so big of you forgiving Rob for what he done, and I reckon if he'd been alive and you'd come making peace, he'd have wanted to help.
So I've decided I'm gonna lend you 30 grand of Rob's money.
Stella If I transfer it today, it'll clear in time for you to put the deposit down on them premises.
Have you discussed this wi-with Luke or Michael? No.
I'm just doing what I think Robert would have wanted.
Thank you.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Paul? Yeah.
How's the weather in Vancouver today? Listen, sorry to disturb you, but you did say I could contact you if I had any queries about Rob Morgan's estate.
Well, I just wondered why there was no mention of his brother, Will.
- GENEVIEVE: Mamma Mamma - Really? Did you see anyone buying a sausage in a basket? Huh? Er, no, uh I think he was giving 'em away by the end.
Do you reckon Will Morgan do fancy Stella Morris or what? Maybe he've got a thing for old women.
No, that's great.
Thanks very much.
Be back in a Jif.
It's ridiculous what you can do these days on a phone.
Control your central heating.
- Cook pizza.
- Serious? - Ha-ha.
You're so gullible.
- Ah-ha.
- Right, we're in.
- [MUSIC: Paranoid by Black Sabbath.]
Finished with my woman 'Cause she couldn't help me with my mind People think I'm insane Because I am frowning all the time Oh, bloody signal! - Give it here a second.
- [SIGHS.]
Works better outside sometimes.
Well, it's going through.
Shit.
It's asking for your password again.
Oh.
Can you help me Occupy my brain? Whoa, yeah Jesus.
What's going on, Mike? I need someone to show me the things in life Hiya, Will.
Have you got a minute? - Only I was wondering It's just - Not now, Nadine.
- I would love to cook you dinner.
Oh! - Not now, Nadine! Fuck's sake.
Oh.
Will.
We found this in your room.
You can report me for burglary if you like, but I doubt you'll want to.
Eh? Never give up, do you, Mike? Well, he's obviously planted it, hasn't he? You said yourself that he had it in for me.
Well, I didn't put it quite like that.
I spoke to your brother's solicitor, in Canada earlier, deems the real reason you and Rob fell out was because you took a large sum of money - from your parents back in 1998.
- What? I borrowed it.
I didn't take it.
You never paid them back.
Nor did you ever go out with Hannah.
That was a lie too, wasn't it? You're genius! - Keep your fucking hands off it! - Argh! Argh! [POLICE RADIO CHATTER.]
- I always knew he was a wrong'un.
- Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I can't believe he lied about so much! - The charity, being an addict.
- Yeah and all that stuff about my dad.
I mean, how can anyone in all conscience nick their parents' life savings? I don't think Will had a conscience, that's the point.
[CHUCKLES WRYLY.]
- Ow.
- Sorry.
God, no wonder Rob wanted nothing to do with him.
And to think, I was going to lend him 30 grand.
He was very convincing, Stella.
Everyone was taken in.
Oh, you saw right through him.
Well, only because I'm a callous, cynical man of the law - who doesn't trust anyone.
- [SHE CHUCKLES.]
Right, well, tomorrow I'm onto the auction house.
Wanna get rid of this thing as soon as possible.
been feeling sick ever since I bloody bought it, truth be told.
You know what's hurt the most? Getting to know him was I don't know.
It was it was like having Rob back again.
[SIGHS.]
Better get the kids home, babe.
Yeah.
- See ya.
- So long.
See you.
So, you still coming to my graduation, Mr Cynical Man Of The Law? Am I still invited? Of course.
I want you and Holly to shout really loudly and embarrass me.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Come home, Michael, please.
- Stella, it's just - Oh, sorry, no, forget it.
I shouldn't have said nothing.
The police are ready for your statement now, my friend.
Right.
[SIGHS.]
Rob's younger brother.
I was with a woman called Hannah for three years, then she left me and married Rob.
And we have 70.
Oh, my God, Will.
- The bracelet.
It's gone! - What? What's wrong? I'm doing chilli for tea if you fancy it.
No, I better not, uh get back start and swotting up for this interview.
I'm wasting my time a bit, really, aren't I, presh? [THEME MUSIC.]
And then she smiles And my heart starts beating - I go weak inside - La, la, la La, la, la Hey.
What's your brother up to these days? Little Will? Is he married? Erm I don't know.
He might be.
We fell out.
I haven't seen him for about ten years.
Bloody hell, Rob.
What happened? Oh, it's complicated.
I'd rather not - Come on, dish the dirt.
- No, I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind.
I didn't handle it very well at the time and, um Well, older brothers should know better, really.
More tea? Yeah, thanks.
BOBBY: Stel, Michael's here! [SHE SIGHS AND SNIFFS.]
[RADIO MUSIC IN BACKGROUND.]
- Mingle and Tingle? - Hm, yeah.
Nadine came up with the name.
I'm not 100%, to be honest, but Well, you get the gist.
It's a chance for our clients to come face-to-face - over a glass of Lambrini.
- So it's speed dating.
- No, it's not speed dating.
- Okay.
See, I knew that's what people would think.
Hey, careful you don't get no dog hair on your nice suit, he do moult to high Jemima, that one.
- Hiya.
What are you doing here? - Charming.
- Oh, no, I didn't mean that, just - Hello, gorgeous.
- Cup of tea? - Ah, no, I'm fine, thanks.
I brought those forms for you, to transfer Holly's inheritance.
- You need to get that done, Stella.
- I know.
I will.
'Cause it's not a good idea to have all that cash lying around in your account like that.
What, it's not lying around, is it? - Don't be ridiculous.
- Don't start, now, you two.
You'll upset Banjo.
Yeah, sorry.
I'll do it today, OK? [BABY COOS.]
You're looking very nice.
What's with the suit? - He's got his interview, haven't you, - Ah, interview.
- McIntosh and Vine.
- The one Jan set up.
Mmm, I said his date with Ponty Partners wasn't a total waste of time.
- Come here a sec.
- BOBBY: Mmm.
BEYONCE: Man, I am wrecked this morning.
- I'd better go.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
Hey, baby J, look, it's Daddy.
- Christ, I've died and gone to Utah.
- Morning.
Hey, Jackson.
I haven't had a wink of sleep.
Your son kept me up for hours.
You're looking hot, Mike.
What's with the threads? - Got a job interview.
- STELLA & BOBBY: Got an interview.
Nice.
Hey, while you're here, I've been thinking about changing Jackson's name by dean poll.
- What? - Deed poll.
Just the spelling, like.
So Jackson, only with an X.
J-A-X-O-N? Cool, right? My mate Cath suggested it.
- The answer is no.
- Oi, it only cost 30 quid.
- BRENDA: Morning! It's only me.
- Like, 33.
Good God, someone's made an effort.
What's with the suit? ALL: He got a job interview.
And how are you today, Aunty Brenda? Bearing up, Michael Jackson, bearing up.
Of course, you know better than anyone what it's like to go through a - crisis of identity.
Not been easy - Anyway, I've gotta finding out who my real father is, now, in my late 40s.
Still at least this little one will know from the start, eh? - BRENDA: [GASPING.]
Yah.
Yah.
- Right, then.
See ya.
Good luck, Daddy! Now, which one of you lovely people wants to help me in a spot of detecting work? That's called a Mercedes-Benz SL 1973 model.
It's one of Daddy's favourite cars.
Put the bins out, didn't you? I did.
I put the bins out round the back of our house, which we now officially own.
- Feels good, doesn't it? - Yeah, great.
Oh, don't, Luke.
I've got to get the kids off.
Hey, listen, your mam's going to pick 'em up later, OK? Why? So you and me can go and look at this little baby.
What? We're not buying a new car, Luke.
It's not a new car, actually, it's a classic.
- Certainly not a car that costs 19 grand.
- Oh, come on.
I know it's not the same kind of investment as the jewellery, - but it's still a collector's item.
- Right, let's get this straight.
Either I'm in charge of your dad's money, or I'm not, but you can't keep changing your mind, OK? - Hey! Zo! - Messing me around.
And wasting that much money is just irresponsible.
- That's wrong! - Daddy's getting a new car.
Great.
Come on, kids.
We'll be late for school.
- OK? Ready? - See you! [DOOR SLAMS.]
Jag I'm thinking of doing a stall at the footy trials tomorrow.
Sell my sausages, advertise the pub.
- What do you reckon? - Ah, Yanto, my friend, I like your dynamism.
Ah, perhaps you could do something with a football team? Yes! Like sausage in a football.
Any more coffee going, Jag? Coming right up.
Or football in a basket.
All the time, my team are trying to think of ways to make the Fox more frisky.
For example, tonight, we have mingle and tingle, a speed dating event, no less.
It's not technically speed dating, Jag.
Might you be tempted to join in? Oh, no, thanks.
Not really my scene.
You are a man of mystery, Will Morgan.
Like your late brother.
He would've been very proud of you, you know, - coming to see young Luke.
- Yeah, Luke's great, isn't he? Ah, his heart is bigger than that of a cow.
Did you know, for instance, he has given half of his inheritance to Stella, to look after for baby Holly until she grows up? Hm? Gave it away, just like this.
Just like just like this.
- That's very generous of him.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
Oh, er excuse me, Jag.
Zoe? Any news of the bracelet? Nothing.
I'm on edge all the time.
I haven't heard anything from the police.
Did you give them your statement? Yeah.
They they want to speak to those dickheads from the bar.
I really snapped at Luke this morning.
He wants to buy a bloody car, now.
Will you call and try and stop him? Yeah, of course.
But You've gotta explain to him what's happened, Zo.
I can't.
He's gonna kill me.
[HE SIGHS.]
Anything? Negative.
What's the point? I just want a glimpse of him, is all! Hang a sprout Oh, no, it's just a pigeon.
Oh [SHE SIGHS.]
Look, why don't we go and just ring the bell? Don't be ridiculous! I'm completely unprepared.
- I'm not even wearing a hat.
- That's true.
Werther's Original? May as well.
I helped my Nana Pat once when she was spying on my Bampa Pat.
Thought he was doing the dirty on her, 'cause she found a lipstick and earrings in his pocket.
So me and my cousin Dean followed him to this house, turns out he was a member of a poker group.
- [GASPING.]
Mm! Mm! - A cross-dressers poker group.
Right.
Pass us the binocs.
- [MESSAGE ALERT.]
- BOTH: Mm! Let me have a gander.
Oh, my bejazzle, be-Jessie J! - Go on.
- My mate Danni just text me.
She said Keckers have only gone and signed up to that Mingle and Tingle tonight.
- The speed dating? - Yeah! Manky rat.
I gotta go.
Hey! What about me and my father? Sorry, Aunty Bren.
I got my own undercover work to do now.
Mm! [BRENDA GASPS.]
[BRENDA GASPS.]
[MOBILE PHONE RINGS.]
I've just come out.
They offered it me.
Oh, Michael, that is brilliant news.
Congratulations! They're a great company, you know.
I really like them.
I wasn't sure whether to phone you or not.
I mean, am I even allowed to ask you about things like this? I don't know what the rules are any more.
- Don't be silly.
- So when do you start? Monday.
They've got more work than they can cope with, - so I'll really be in at the deep end.
You know, - Stel? - I prefer it like that.
- Hiya.
You got five minutes? - Stel? - Listen, I gotta go.
Will and Zoe just arrived.
- Well, hang on, I haven't told you about the - I'll talk to you later, yeah? And well done.
Really.
So long.
[TYRES SCREECH.]
Fuck's sake! Maniac! - Luke? - Ah, shit.
Test driving it.
Please don't tell Zoe.
Well? Go on, you better tell her.
Right, but don't go ballistic, OK? I went to that auction, didn't I? And I bid on a bracelet.
Yeah, I know.
But Luke said you didn't get it, got outbid, or something? That's what Zoe told him.
The truth is, she did get it then she lost it.
Or it's been nicked.
You are kidding me.
I wish I was.
Oh, Stel, what am I gonna do? I take it you haven't told Luke? - How can I? He put me in charge - No, she hasn't.
of all the money.
Right, well, you're just gonna have to bite the bullet, my girl.
You can't seriously think you can carry on without him finding out.
- Bloody idiot.
- Hey, come on.
You'll feel better once you've told him.
Yeah.
Will's right.
The longer you put it off, the worse it's gonna get.
I should know.
Why don't you go and call him now, get it over with? Yeah [MUSIC: The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy.]
The boys are back in town, boys are back in town I said, boys are back in town Oh, this is beautiful.
And the steering on it is so BOTH: Shit.
I know.
Who cares? - Oh, Luke, you really put me in a dilemma now.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
Hey, I was here first, mate.
You're not buying it.
I just mean I should be taking the sensible stepfather line, telling you to be careful with your money and not go spending it all, - but this is really nice.
- Oh, Christ, you're as bad as Will.
Will? What's it got to do with him? Zoe got him to call me earlier and advise me not to buy a car.
None of his bloody business.
He's only looking out for me, mun.
Yeah, well, you're a big boy, Luke.
You can make your own decisions.
Yeah, you're quite right, Michael.
And I've just made the decision it's my turn to get behind that wheel, - so pull over and shift it but.
- [PHONE RINGS.]
What time's Billy get back from school? Um about six, after he's finished training.
Why? Well, I thought I could treat you both to dinner.
We could try one of Yanto's bangers in a basket and drown our sorrows in a lemonade.
What sorrows have you got, Will Morgan? Well, nothing compared with Zoe but I told you about this charity I'm starting, didn't I? Oh.
I thought it was up and running.
Almost, yeah.
It's a bit one step forward and two steps back, to be honest.
I'd found these amazing premises in the East End, room enough for a hostel and a day centre.
The deal was we had to sign by this Wednesday and pay one year's rent up front, but this morning, I found out that my investors pulled out.
Oh, what? I thought it was all a bit too good to be true.
Right, well it just wasn't meant to be.
But something else'll turn up, you watch.
It keeps ringing and goings to voicemail.
OK, so you're just gonna have to go home and wait for him and tell him face-to-face.
Yeah.
MICHAEL: [SLURRED.]
To the new car! And the new job.
Hey, Michael, you know, I'm sorry about everything.
You know? With Holly and that and What you're trying to say is you're sorry that your mother had sex with your dad and had another child 30-odd years after their first one was born, which incidentally is you.
Yeah, that.
That's the way life goes, young Lucas.
Jesus, is your name actually Lucas? Is Luke short for Lucas? I have no idea.
[THEY LAUGH.]
Lucas! [THEY WHEEZE AND LAUGH.]
Between you and me, I'm just hoping I'll wake up one morning and everything'll be back to normal, isn't it? 'Cause we're good together, aren't we, me and your mam? Mum? Your mam? Whatever.
I love her so much, Luke.
I know you do, mate.
And you know, I think, if I'd had the chance, I'd have really liked your dad, too.
Yeah.
Even though he had sex with my wife, the bastard.
- Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm just - [PHONE RINGS.]
Er, that's all right.
Ah.
Bollocks, I can't hold this off any longer.
[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT.]
Hi, babes.
Uh - Yeah, I'm just on my way back now.
Have you? - [MICHAEL SLURPS LOUDLY.]
Have you? See you in a bit.
- Oh, she wants to talk.
- Ah.
Aw! I hate it when women wanna talk.
But what they really mean is they wanna bollock you.
- Right, I'll call a cab.
- No, don't go yet, let's go clubbing.
I'll show you my moves.
You can come and give me moral support, if you like, 'cause you're like, you're a grown-up.
Oh, I hate being grown-up.
18, 19, 20.
Here we go.
Wow.
Oh, thanks, Jag.
Just put 'em by there.
Bobs'll sort 'em now, in a minute.
You're looking very commanding this evening, Nadine.
Just making sure I look my best for the clients and that.
Talking of which, whereto is Will Morgan? Oh, is he one of your clients? Don't be disgusting.
He's one of yours, isn't he? Ah, Nadine Bevan, are you gonna help me with these bloody chairs, or are you gonna spend all night mooning over a fish - you've got no chance of hooking? - All right, then.
Oh, Jag whereto's the speed dating? Is it in by here? BOTH: It's not speed dating! It's mingle and tingle.
Yeah, and it'll cost you £10 to sign up.
Well, what about people who just want to watch? - Don't be disgusting.
- Not like that, mun.
Being a what's a name, aren't I? Chaperone for my Nana Pat and my Aunty Rhian.
Uh? Cock-a-doodle cocking-doo.
Two vulnerable women.
Easy target for some nutter.
[HUSHED.]
Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick.
Zo! I got Michael with me.
Oh, yeah! Hiya, babes.
Sorry I'm late.
Zooey! [HE LAUGHS.]
Little Zoe.
- Oh, my God, you're both pissed.
- Ah, yes, guilty as charged.
Well, yeah, what it is was we have both been celebrating.
Yep, 'cause I got a new job.
- Congratulations.
- Yeah, and I Hey, no, now, don't be cross, OK? No, please don't be cross.
- I bought a car! - He's bought a car! - What? - I mean, to be fair - he's only put a deposit down, - But I thought we discussed it this morning? - What is wrong with you? - but it is a beautiful car.
And, you know, you both deserve a bit of luxury.
Yeah, I mean and I only put the deposit down, but it's an absolute - stunner, babe.
- Luke, just shut up a minute about the bloody car.
I got something to tell you.
Well, thanks, Will.
That was absolutely lush.
- Yeah, cheers, Will.
- Oh, I nearly forgot.
Got a little surprise for you.
What's this? Oh, man, these are wicked.
Will, that is really kind of you.
To wish you luck for tomorrow.
- Oh, cheers, man.
- No worries, mate.
Now, do you wanna go and check if the pool table's free? - OK.
I'm gonna slaughter you.
- Yeah! You are so good with him.
So are you.
Wish I'd had someone like you to help me when I went off the rails.
Billy hasn't gone off the rails.
He's been unlucky, but none of it was his fault.
Hello, sleepy.
- Stella, I've got a confession to make.
- What? What? - No, it's embarrassing.
- Go on.
OK, well when you were going out with Rob, that second year, oh, he was 18, I was 13.
Yeah? I sent you a Valentine's card.
- You never?! - I did.
Oh, actually, I do remember getting another card.
Your brother was really jealous.
I was just confused.
Couldn't understand who'd want to send me one.
And all along, it was little Willy Morgan.
- Shut up.
- Bless.
D'you have a crush on your big brother's girlfriend? Yeah.
Yeah, I did.
I can't believe you've known for this long and you didn't tell me.
- Jesus, you think I'm some - I was in the shock, OK? - kid that can't be trusted.
- I had to think for a minute, work out - What'd you think I was gonna do? - what to do next.
Go mad! Exactly like you're doing right now.
Shouting like this is not gonna get anyone anywhere.
But 22 grand, Zo! 22 grand! Fuck! - And you were telling me this morning - Keep your voice down, will you, - I can't have a car 'cause - The kids'll hear you.
you're in charge of the money.
Well, that went well, didn't it? I didn't ask for someone to steal it, you know.
- Yeah, well, you may as well have.
- Thanks a lot.
Right, shut up, both of you! Zoe, I take it you told the police? Course.
I gave a statement, and Will did.
What's Will got to do with it? He was with me, wasn't he, after the auction? Oh, great, so you both been keeping it from me.
Oh, shut up, Luke, he's just protecting me, all right? OK, OK, let's not get worked up.
What'd the police say? They think they think Lenny's mates might have been involved 'cause they were in the bar where we were drinking.
Oh, great! So you get pissed up in some bar while a mate of Lenny Mack's can go rifling through your handbag - and nicks a bracelet worth 22 grand! - Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot.
- Yeah, yeah, all that money, don't worry - That's all my fault.
- it's safe with me, Luke.
Just gonna - I asked for this, didn't I?! - splash it out on a big 20 grand bracelet - It was an accident! I didn't do it.
Hello? Hello, everyone.
Hi Hello Hiya.
Ah, my name is Bobby Gittins, co-founder of Ponty Partners.
- Um - Looks like false bastard alarm, kid.
So far, no sign of cocking Keckers.
which I hasten to add is not a speed dating event.
Um, now, as you will see, there are more women here than men.
So, just checking, do we have any lesbians among us? Lovely.
Well, if you'd like to come and stand by the boys, my loves.
Come on, then, through you come.
There we go.
Thank you.
And we'll sit you down on this side.
Of the table! Oh! We've got another man.
We've got another man! - [CHEERING.]
- Sorry I'm late, like.
No, not at all.
Please come in, take a seat.
The Eagle have landed and is about to sit down.
Christ, it's like musical chairs at a kids' party here.
Be back now in a minute.
Where the hell do you think you're going, Nadine Bevan? BOBBY: If I could just have your attention, please? Thank you very much for that.
Hi, guys.
- Nadine.
- All right? - What you doing? - Uh You can join us if you like, only I thought you were busy mingling and tingling.
Oh, they don't need me, they're fine.
Right rack 'em up.
Uh - BOBBY: Good luck everybody.
Here we go.
- Oh.
[CHATTER, BLOWS WHISTLE.]
- Well, it's lovely to meet you.
- Yeah, you too.
Yes, move down one.
Lovely.
- [SHE CLEARS HER THROAT.]
- B?! Going shopping are we, Kecks? - Nuh, it's not like that - I'm not even cold in my grave, and already you are sniffing around like a cat on cocaine.
My mam signed me up for it.
She said it'd help mend my broken heart.
I misses you, Bonce.
Don't no one don't go putting no Bonce in the corner.
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
[LONGER BLAST.]
- [REPEATED WHISTLES.]
- [CHEERING.]
- Oh, hiya.
- What are you two doing here? - Girls' night out? - Ha-ha, no.
God, have you been waiting for me? Sorry.
No! No, me and Billy came for our tea.
Will wanted to treat us.
They're playing pool at the moment.
Oh, right.
Hm.
Oh, and he bought him some snazzy football boots.
Look.
- Cool, eh? - Yeah.
Oh, and congratulations again on the job.
You look like you been celebrating.
Yeah, with Luke, actually.
- Really? - Listen, Stella, you're gonna find out about this sooner or later, but if I tell, you gotta promise not to go mad, OK? Oh, is this about Zoe losing a bracelet worth 22 bloody grand? Yes.
But how did you know about it? Will made her come and tell me earlier.
Did he? Right.
She didn't say.
Hm.
He's really helped her, bless him.
I like him.
He's a decent bloke.
Oh, yeah.
Top bloke is Will.
And he's, like, uh, becoming everyone's bezzie mate by the look of it.
- Bezzie mate? - Well, he's got Zoe confiding in him, he's buying boots for Billy, proper little hero, isn't he? What are you talking about? Our marriage is hanging on by a thread, and all you can do is go on and on and on and on and on about Rob bloody Morgan's perfect bloody brother.
Letting him buy you sausages and the like.
Michael! You're being really silly now.
Rob's gone, so you're making do with his brother, is that it? Well, do you know what? You're welcome to them both 'cause I'm going to bed.
[SHE SCOFFS.]
No, nothing yet, mun.
Police are checking the antiques shops and all the pawnshops, of course, and they're trying to track down them mates of Lenny's.
Listen, I I gotta go.
I'll, uh, see you later at the footy, yeah? So long.
I am so sorry about last night.
Oh, don't be nice to me, Luke, I'll cry.
Hey, come on.
I feel such an idiot.
Look, we're not gonna miss what we never had.
We've still got the house.
Who needs a new car, anyway? Oh, Luke Come here.
Michael, I hear we're going to be seeing you, ah, back in Ponty Magistrates again soon.
Blimey, news travels fast.
Yes, I start with McIntosh and Vine on Monday.
I look forward to working with you again.
Uh, Darren, I don't suppose there's any more news on my daughter-in-law's bracelet, is there? No, we checked the CCTV footage.
Nothing yet on those two blokes you mentioned.
Oh, well.
Thanks anyway.
Oh, but we need to catch up with the fella she was with.
He might've seen something useful, you never know.
Will Morgan? But I thought you'd already spoken to him.
No.
Oh, it's awful, mind.
They've terrible bad luck, them two, don't they? I know, but you gotta ask yourself, what was that Zoe Morgan doing buying a 22-grand necklace? - Bracelet.
- At an auction? Who the Dickens does she think she is? David Dickens son? I think it was meant to be an investment, Aunty Bren.
Ha, well, that'll learn her to get above her station.
Oh What's wrong, Stel? Oh, nothing it's just social services have e-mailed, looks like they've found you a new home.
With a couple called Keith and Sandra.
Been fostering for years, apparently.
- [GASPING.]
Yeah? - So, when am I moving out? Well, it says you can move in with them next week.
Right.
So are you gonna try contacting your dad again today, Aunty Bren? Already have, Bobs.
I decided to write.
That's how all them aristocrats do communicate, like in Downton and what's the name of them.
I sent him a letter this morning, I did, requesting an audience with His Lordship at the big house.
I'm going out.
Where to? Out.
I'll see you at the trials.
Yeah, well, don't be late now, mind.
- [SHE GROANS.]
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- Do you think he's all right? - Yes.
That, what you call, Ronaldo was moody at his age by all accounts.
Morning.
Hello, Michael.
- How's the head? - Oh, it's good.
It's clear.
It's level.
Right.
- Nice shorts, Yanto.
- Thank you.
I like to keep people wondering.
So, Will, what are your plans today? I'm going on a trip down Memory Lane, revisiting some of the old - haunts of Pontyberry.
- Nice.
And then I might go and watch the lad play football later.
Good, good.
Zoe said you'd been very helpful with the bracelet.
Yeah, well, you know Did you get any sense out of the police when you spoke to them? Nah, not really.
They're pretty good round here, the police.
Don't you think? Where are we going with this, Michael? Nowhere.
Just saying.
Right.
Better get going.
[SUCKS AIR THROUGH TEETH.]
Make the most of the day.
Jag I need you to help me with something that's not quite illegal, but would probably be considered slightly wrong.
We really shouldn't be doing this.
I know, Jag, you said that already.
- What are you actually looking for? - I won't know until I find it.
A-ha! Got ya! Ah! I've been looking for that everywhere.
I used to be able to solve it in just under 97 minutes.
Let's have a look, hmm.
Oh, God.
Argh.
Will, hi, hi.
- All right, guys - Hi.
Ha-ha.
- Forgot my jacket.
- [JAG LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Ah, Jag's getting a new fire escape put in and I am advising Actually, Jag, I think it'd be better - coming from the left-hand side.
Yeah.
- Ah, the left, hmm.
Anyway, we'll, uh, leave you in peace.
Right [CLEARS THROAT.]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Hey, hey, hey, now What's going on? Do you like it? It's my new pop-up burger business using only the finest Welsh ingredients.
But you're on my turf, Little Al.
This just isn't cricket.
No, it's not.
It's football.
And in the spirit of free enterprise, I'm here to offer the punters a choice.
Not everyone wants to eat your manky bangers.
I'll have you know, young sir, there's nothing manky about my bangers.
We'll let the customers be the judge of that, shall we? Aye, either of you two seen young Billy? All I've seen is deceit and treachery.
- No answer.
- Right, well, keep trying.
Oh, I tell you what, my nerves are as raw as a rare burger.
Sausage Burg Saus Oh! She got a good grip on her, mind.
Yeah, takes after her Great Aunt Brenda.
Hey, thanks for having her today, presh.
That's OK.
Going down the allotment, aren't we, Molly, hmm? Mmm, no, it it's Holly, it is, Glen.
Morning.
Hiya.
What are you doing here? I'm looking for a Pontyberry tour guide.
I smoked my first cigarette up here.
Me too.
And your brother did.
[WILL CHUCKLES WRYLY.]
Do you miss him? Rob? That's a loaded question.
Well, Luke filled me in on everything.
I know that Holly Well She's my niece, isn't she? Yeah.
She is.
It's complicated.
Stella tell me to shut up if I'm being out of order, but well, I reckon if you don't ask, you don't get.
Sounds ominous.
No, it's just Well, this lease for the premises I was telling you about.
- For The Robert Morgan Foundation.
- Yeah.
Your brother'd be mortified if he knew you'd named something after him.
Flattered, but mortified.
Probably.
Anyway, I was wondering would you consider lending me the deposit? Well, there are definitely other backers who'll come through for me, just not before Wednesday.
So I reckon I'd pay you back within the month.
Six weeks Max.
How much are we talking? 30.
Grand, obviously.
Obviously.
And what makes you think I've got 30 grand kicking about? Well, a little bird told me that Luke gave you half his inheritance for Holly.
I mean, I would I would've asked Luke, but - He haven't got no money left.
- [CHUCKLES WRYLY.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
Luke.
Just talking about you.
Oh, for God's sake.
Billy haven't turned up to the football trials.
[SHE SIGHS.]
You're meant to be practising your football, not your pool.
What's the point? Be living with a different family, won't I? And Luke won't wanna take me training, nor Bobby, 'cause you'll all have forgotten who I am.
Look, sunshine, you may have a poor opinion of most people, but leave my family out of it 'cause once you are in Stella Jackson's tribe, you're in it for good.
Whether you live in Timbuk-bloody-tu or Pontyberry West.
You're never gonna get rid of me, presh.
So don't even try.
Now, are you over your hissy fit? 'Cause I reckon if we leave straight away, we might just about make it.
[CHUCKLES.]
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
Off you go.
Luke?! Are you trying to give me a seizure or what? - Sorry, Bobs.
- Go and get them, Beckham! Come on! Luke.
Oh, mate, Zoe's told me all about the bracelet.
Oh, I am glad.
'Cause it was awkward for me, that.
She didn't want to tell you straight away and I Yeah, but I don't like secrets, Will.
You should have told me, really.
Yeah, I should.
I'm sorry, Luke.
No worries.
- All right? Sorry I'm late.
- Hiya.
Had to drop Jen off at my Aunty Anne's.
Mm-hm.
Ha.
Ooh.
I do love football, me.
Everton I support.
'Cause I do like those stripy mints.
Yeah, go on, my son! Fucking show 'em what you're fucking made of! - Hey, now, language! - Sorry.
That's it, Billy kid! Frighten the living shit out of the little bastards.
[MUSIC: One Way Or Another by Blondie.]
One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya One way or another I'm gonna win ya I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya One way or another I'm gonna see ya I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya One day, maybe next week I'm gonna meet ya, I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya - Stella.
- Hope you are in a better mood today.
Yeah, sorry about last night.
The beer.
Did you find what you were looking for, Mike? What's this? Oh, nothing.
Oh, when I went back for my jacket this morning, Michael was, uh, searching my room.
I wasn't searching your room! Michael's not my biggest fan, are you, Michael? OK, then explain this.
I saw Darren Jenkins this morning, from Pontyberry Police, he wants to see you to get a statement about Zoe's bracelet.
Right.
And? Well, you told Zoe you'd already spoken to the police.
Look, eight years ago I was convicted for possession and served six months in Pentonville.
Ever since then, I tend to stay away from the police.
- BRENDA: [GASPING.]
Yup.
- Well, I don't blame you.
- Luke was the same, weren't you, presh? - I still am.
Satisfied now? - [CLICKS TONGUE.]
- [SCOFFS.]
I've got nothing to hide, Michael.
Sorry to disappoint.
Excuse me, but while you've been jabbering away, our protégé has been talking to the most famous Welsh football player ever to exist.
Who's that, then? Craig Bellamy.
Is he more famous than Christian Bale? You mean Gareth.
It's Gareth Bale.
All right, the second most famous.
- What about Ryan Giggs? - Fair enough.
The third.
- Robbie Savage.
- Oh, right, one of the most famous footballers Wales have ever produced.
- Do he play for Everton? - Oh - But, well played, mate.
- Cheers.
And by the way, I'm much more famous than Robbie Savage, OK? - Well? - He asked me if I had a club and I said no and he said he'd recommend me for his academy.
- Oh, nice one! - Never! - Good one, Billy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Cardiff City? Yeah.
- [BRENDA GASPS.]
- Oh! Billy, well done.
That's brilliant, mun.
- Congratulations.
- Yay! Well, ooh-ah, here's to Billy Matthews, football international.
- Cheers! - Cheers! - Even though it is Cardiff.
- Oh, shut up.
[WHISPERED.]
Oh, gawd! I should imagine, once I get to know my real father a bit, he'll have a few connections in the football world.
He'll help you out, kid.
I'm sorry about Michael.
I'm Rob Morgan's brother.
He's bound to distrust me.
I know, but it's not like him, that's all.
He's normally pretty level-headed.
I hope it hasn't put you off coming to see us again.
- Of course not.
- And I know About what we were oh.
Sorry.
I've been thinking about what we discussed earlier.
Yeah, me too, and I I shouldn't have asked you, I'm I'm sorry.
Thing is it was so big of you forgiving Rob for what he done, and I reckon if he'd been alive and you'd come making peace, he'd have wanted to help.
So I've decided I'm gonna lend you 30 grand of Rob's money.
Stella If I transfer it today, it'll clear in time for you to put the deposit down on them premises.
Have you discussed this wi-with Luke or Michael? No.
I'm just doing what I think Robert would have wanted.
Thank you.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Paul? Yeah.
How's the weather in Vancouver today? Listen, sorry to disturb you, but you did say I could contact you if I had any queries about Rob Morgan's estate.
Well, I just wondered why there was no mention of his brother, Will.
- GENEVIEVE: Mamma Mamma - Really? Did you see anyone buying a sausage in a basket? Huh? Er, no, uh I think he was giving 'em away by the end.
Do you reckon Will Morgan do fancy Stella Morris or what? Maybe he've got a thing for old women.
No, that's great.
Thanks very much.
Be back in a Jif.
It's ridiculous what you can do these days on a phone.
Control your central heating.
- Cook pizza.
- Serious? - Ha-ha.
You're so gullible.
- Ah-ha.
- Right, we're in.
- [MUSIC: Paranoid by Black Sabbath.]
Finished with my woman 'Cause she couldn't help me with my mind People think I'm insane Because I am frowning all the time Oh, bloody signal! - Give it here a second.
- [SIGHS.]
Works better outside sometimes.
Well, it's going through.
Shit.
It's asking for your password again.
Oh.
Can you help me Occupy my brain? Whoa, yeah Jesus.
What's going on, Mike? I need someone to show me the things in life Hiya, Will.
Have you got a minute? - Only I was wondering It's just - Not now, Nadine.
- I would love to cook you dinner.
Oh! - Not now, Nadine! Fuck's sake.
Oh.
Will.
We found this in your room.
You can report me for burglary if you like, but I doubt you'll want to.
Eh? Never give up, do you, Mike? Well, he's obviously planted it, hasn't he? You said yourself that he had it in for me.
Well, I didn't put it quite like that.
I spoke to your brother's solicitor, in Canada earlier, deems the real reason you and Rob fell out was because you took a large sum of money - from your parents back in 1998.
- What? I borrowed it.
I didn't take it.
You never paid them back.
Nor did you ever go out with Hannah.
That was a lie too, wasn't it? You're genius! - Keep your fucking hands off it! - Argh! Argh! [POLICE RADIO CHATTER.]
- I always knew he was a wrong'un.
- Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I can't believe he lied about so much! - The charity, being an addict.
- Yeah and all that stuff about my dad.
I mean, how can anyone in all conscience nick their parents' life savings? I don't think Will had a conscience, that's the point.
[CHUCKLES WRYLY.]
- Ow.
- Sorry.
God, no wonder Rob wanted nothing to do with him.
And to think, I was going to lend him 30 grand.
He was very convincing, Stella.
Everyone was taken in.
Oh, you saw right through him.
Well, only because I'm a callous, cynical man of the law - who doesn't trust anyone.
- [SHE CHUCKLES.]
Right, well, tomorrow I'm onto the auction house.
Wanna get rid of this thing as soon as possible.
been feeling sick ever since I bloody bought it, truth be told.
You know what's hurt the most? Getting to know him was I don't know.
It was it was like having Rob back again.
[SIGHS.]
Better get the kids home, babe.
Yeah.
- See ya.
- So long.
See you.
So, you still coming to my graduation, Mr Cynical Man Of The Law? Am I still invited? Of course.
I want you and Holly to shout really loudly and embarrass me.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Come home, Michael, please.
- Stella, it's just - Oh, sorry, no, forget it.
I shouldn't have said nothing.
The police are ready for your statement now, my friend.
Right.
[SIGHS.]