Stone Quackers (2015) s01e01 Episode Script
One Last Bad Prank
[Theme music playing.]
[Crickets chirping.]
[Running footsteps.]
Oh my god, man! We are screwed, dude.
- There's no going back.
- Oh [bleep.]
.
We're [bleep.]
.
We're [bleep.]
.
We're [bleep.]
.
Okay, I need to pack my bag.
We need to go to Mexico, But we need to learn how we need to build a boat, we need to learn how to build a boat - and take that boat straight to Mexico - Oh my god, I'm so scared.
Get it together, man! We gotta learn how to make that boat.
What is wrong with you guys? A prank got out of hand and now we are on the run, Dottie.
Someone's for sure trying to track us down for this one, Dottie.
- [Sighs.]
Again? - Yeah, Dottie, again.
- We just can't help ourselves.
- We love pranks.
Guys, I love you, [angelic music.]
but it's time to stop pranking.
You're good apples, not bad apples.
So peace and love.
Peace and love.
Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yup, we should stop pranking - by doing one last bad prank.
- [Gasps.]
One last bad prank? That's right.
We should throw bad apples at cars from the condo rooftop! Absolutely.
All that stuff that Dottie said, I get it.
All right? We all get it.
But you can't just say "bad apples" and not expect us to throw bad apples at stuff.
This is gonna be awesome.
Last bad prank on three? One, two, three! All: Last bad prank! Dang, where's Barf with those rotten apples? [music.]
Just relax, Clay.
Try to enjoy our last moments as goofers, man.
This is our last day of being bad apples, dude.
From here on out, good apples all the way.
I hope I like being a good apple.
- Clay? - Yeah.
- Remember that goof that you did? - What goof? [Clicks.]
Remember when we bought all those bananas.
- Uh-huh.
- And gave everybody bananas.
Ohh, remember when I dipped the bananas in trash? - Yeah.
- And then we we gave the bananas out - to people while they're eating.
- Classic trash banana goof.
I've told people about this prank and they don't really get it from the from the start.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I go "well, there's nothing to get, man.
It's just a good goof.
" That's a goof from the goof gods if you ask me.
[Sighs.]
Oh man, seriously though, dude, where is Barf? I mean, the dumpster of the fruit store is only one block away.
[Groans.]
Guys, sorry I'm late.
[Whispers.]
Oh, you got the apples? - Oh yeah, I got some real rotten apples.
- All right, let's do this.
Hey, guys, here comes a car.
Go go go go! [Grunts.]
[Glass shatters.]
[Brakes squeal.]
Driver: Oh my god! Oh my god! - What is this? - Wow, nailed him! - Hole in one! - Classic prank.
Look how pissed that guy is over some rotten fruit.
[Laughs.]
Hmm.
We really taught him and society a lesson.
Why me? [Wails.]
Aww.
Man, that guy is really taking this seriously.
He's screaming.
[Sirens approaching.]
Huh, the cops didn't take their time.
Wow, two police?! Woah, they're acting like throwing fruit is a crime.
What the heck is going on? Okay, what's going on here?! What's go Oh dear god, ugh.
- This is awesome! - Barf, what kind of apples were those? Organic.
The normal fruit store was closed so I went to that new frozen fruit place.
- Oh cool! - Oh yeah, totally.
Heard about that place.
Nice.
[Mutters, sniffles.]
Sir, stop crying.
We're in the ambulance now.
- I'm gonna need you to calm down.
- Why'd they do it to me? - Sir, eyes, please.
Sir, eyes.
- I just washed my [bleep.]
in' car.
Look at my mouth.
[Sobs.]
- Calm down.
- [gasps.]
I need my pills.
- I need my pills! I need my pills! - Sir.
Sir.
- I need my pills! [panicking.]
- Calm down.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Down.
Now, the police department sketch artist who would normally take the description of what happened is out with the flu.
She's real sick.
- Wait, what? - But I've got my watercolor set here with me.
And I'm gonna do my best.
- I think you're gonna like it.
- Have you done this before? Now we're just gonna do kinda a plein air description - of what happened.
- Okay.
There were three on the roof.
One was 5'4", the other was 5'8".
the third was maybe 6'1", yellow, 175 So without getting into too much specific detail, like a pencil drawing or something, can you describe their faces in sort of a general wash? Um, there was this blue guy.
He was small and he had a hat.
No, see, I've already started with red, so I hope one of 'em is red.
Can you just check the roof? I mean, just check the roof! I'm sure they're still up there! You said you saw three people on the roof? Yeah! There's three of em.
You You're gonna get 'em, right? Now what were the clouds like, behind the roof? Uh, I don't know.
It was nighttime.
Well, we can retire as proud pranksters now.
Feels good.
Best goof ever.
Wait, is that Dottie down there? What the heck is she doing here? Ohh! [Sobbing.]
Who in the world would do such a thing? Dottie? Dottie, over here.
It's okay, come through the tape.
Let her through the tape! - Barry.
- Thank god you got my text.
I have got some bad news.
I wanted you to hear it from me.
Dottie-Girl, the victim here described the three culprits.
It's obviously Whit, Clay and Barf.
[music.]
Oh no! I knew things were at a tipping point, Barry! I thought I could talk some sense into them.
I guess it was too late.
Oh, Dottie, it's okay.
It's all right.
It's gonna be okay.
- No, that's definitely Dottie.
- Why is she crying? This town is going nuts over this prank.
Well, I guess mission accomplished.
- We did it, boys.
- All right! - Feels Feels pretty good, right? - Guys, she's really crying.
Shh-hhh.
It's okay.
You just hold onto me.
Shh.
[Dottie moans.]
Just stay away from the weapon.
I don't even know what's real anymore, Barry.
Dottie, open up your ears now and listen to this.
In this time of extreme chaos and tragedy, people lose their way.
And I'm seeing things I love with a clarity I could have never imagined.
But after this crime, the world the entire world has lost its innocence, and so have I.
I'm not quite sure if I can go on without you.
You don't have to.
You don't have to go on without me.
'Cause I love you.
Hmm.
Okay, this makes no sense and is gross.
Come on, let's go have our traditional post-prank pie and coffee, come on.
Whit: Hmm.
How is, uh How is your pie? Oh, good.
It's, uh It's apple.
[Sirens approaching.]
Hmm, nice.
Woo, yikes, they just don't stop coming.
[Chuckles.]
Well, good prank, boys.
Yeah, that's a that's a lot of police.
Looks like the state police are involved now.
Yeah.
[Chuckles.]
Hey, Barf, what was that new fruit store called again? Uh, mmm, Cran-organic jamberr-ies.
- I think.
- Yeah, that's right.
[Whit reading.]
Interesting.
Looks like they got goofed on too tonight.
Coincidence, yep.
[Whit reading.]
Huh.
How long does it take to grab some rotten fruit from the dumpster and - I've got some real rotten apples.
- These are big.
[Glass shatters.]
Driver: Oh my god, what is this?! - Barf, what kind of apples where those? - Cran-organic jamberries.
- These are big.
- I went to that new frozen fruit place.
Who would do that? - They're acting like throwing fruit is a crime.
- Cran-organic jamberry.
Cran-Organic jamberry.
Cran-organic jamberr-ies? I think? Whit: Cryogenic chamber [Screaming.]
[Screams.]
No, guys, that's the fruit store I broke into and stole three really big frozen apples that were slimy and head-shaped.
Whoops.
[Screaming.]
- Barf, paddle faster! - [Grunts.]
I'm trying! You know what, guys? I'm actually pretty excited about Mexico.
Yeah, man, it's gonna be great.
As long we got each other, we're gonna be fine.
We're slowing down already.
Barf, come on.
Barf? [Instrumental music.]
[Crickets chirping.]
[Running footsteps.]
Oh my god, man! We are screwed, dude.
- There's no going back.
- Oh [bleep.]
.
We're [bleep.]
.
We're [bleep.]
.
We're [bleep.]
.
Okay, I need to pack my bag.
We need to go to Mexico, But we need to learn how we need to build a boat, we need to learn how to build a boat - and take that boat straight to Mexico - Oh my god, I'm so scared.
Get it together, man! We gotta learn how to make that boat.
What is wrong with you guys? A prank got out of hand and now we are on the run, Dottie.
Someone's for sure trying to track us down for this one, Dottie.
- [Sighs.]
Again? - Yeah, Dottie, again.
- We just can't help ourselves.
- We love pranks.
Guys, I love you, [angelic music.]
but it's time to stop pranking.
You're good apples, not bad apples.
So peace and love.
Peace and love.
Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yup, we should stop pranking - by doing one last bad prank.
- [Gasps.]
One last bad prank? That's right.
We should throw bad apples at cars from the condo rooftop! Absolutely.
All that stuff that Dottie said, I get it.
All right? We all get it.
But you can't just say "bad apples" and not expect us to throw bad apples at stuff.
This is gonna be awesome.
Last bad prank on three? One, two, three! All: Last bad prank! Dang, where's Barf with those rotten apples? [music.]
Just relax, Clay.
Try to enjoy our last moments as goofers, man.
This is our last day of being bad apples, dude.
From here on out, good apples all the way.
I hope I like being a good apple.
- Clay? - Yeah.
- Remember that goof that you did? - What goof? [Clicks.]
Remember when we bought all those bananas.
- Uh-huh.
- And gave everybody bananas.
Ohh, remember when I dipped the bananas in trash? - Yeah.
- And then we we gave the bananas out - to people while they're eating.
- Classic trash banana goof.
I've told people about this prank and they don't really get it from the from the start.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I go "well, there's nothing to get, man.
It's just a good goof.
" That's a goof from the goof gods if you ask me.
[Sighs.]
Oh man, seriously though, dude, where is Barf? I mean, the dumpster of the fruit store is only one block away.
[Groans.]
Guys, sorry I'm late.
[Whispers.]
Oh, you got the apples? - Oh yeah, I got some real rotten apples.
- All right, let's do this.
Hey, guys, here comes a car.
Go go go go! [Grunts.]
[Glass shatters.]
[Brakes squeal.]
Driver: Oh my god! Oh my god! - What is this? - Wow, nailed him! - Hole in one! - Classic prank.
Look how pissed that guy is over some rotten fruit.
[Laughs.]
Hmm.
We really taught him and society a lesson.
Why me? [Wails.]
Aww.
Man, that guy is really taking this seriously.
He's screaming.
[Sirens approaching.]
Huh, the cops didn't take their time.
Wow, two police?! Woah, they're acting like throwing fruit is a crime.
What the heck is going on? Okay, what's going on here?! What's go Oh dear god, ugh.
- This is awesome! - Barf, what kind of apples were those? Organic.
The normal fruit store was closed so I went to that new frozen fruit place.
- Oh cool! - Oh yeah, totally.
Heard about that place.
Nice.
[Mutters, sniffles.]
Sir, stop crying.
We're in the ambulance now.
- I'm gonna need you to calm down.
- Why'd they do it to me? - Sir, eyes, please.
Sir, eyes.
- I just washed my [bleep.]
in' car.
Look at my mouth.
[Sobs.]
- Calm down.
- [gasps.]
I need my pills.
- I need my pills! I need my pills! - Sir.
Sir.
- I need my pills! [panicking.]
- Calm down.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Down.
Now, the police department sketch artist who would normally take the description of what happened is out with the flu.
She's real sick.
- Wait, what? - But I've got my watercolor set here with me.
And I'm gonna do my best.
- I think you're gonna like it.
- Have you done this before? Now we're just gonna do kinda a plein air description - of what happened.
- Okay.
There were three on the roof.
One was 5'4", the other was 5'8".
the third was maybe 6'1", yellow, 175 So without getting into too much specific detail, like a pencil drawing or something, can you describe their faces in sort of a general wash? Um, there was this blue guy.
He was small and he had a hat.
No, see, I've already started with red, so I hope one of 'em is red.
Can you just check the roof? I mean, just check the roof! I'm sure they're still up there! You said you saw three people on the roof? Yeah! There's three of em.
You You're gonna get 'em, right? Now what were the clouds like, behind the roof? Uh, I don't know.
It was nighttime.
Well, we can retire as proud pranksters now.
Feels good.
Best goof ever.
Wait, is that Dottie down there? What the heck is she doing here? Ohh! [Sobbing.]
Who in the world would do such a thing? Dottie? Dottie, over here.
It's okay, come through the tape.
Let her through the tape! - Barry.
- Thank god you got my text.
I have got some bad news.
I wanted you to hear it from me.
Dottie-Girl, the victim here described the three culprits.
It's obviously Whit, Clay and Barf.
[music.]
Oh no! I knew things were at a tipping point, Barry! I thought I could talk some sense into them.
I guess it was too late.
Oh, Dottie, it's okay.
It's all right.
It's gonna be okay.
- No, that's definitely Dottie.
- Why is she crying? This town is going nuts over this prank.
Well, I guess mission accomplished.
- We did it, boys.
- All right! - Feels Feels pretty good, right? - Guys, she's really crying.
Shh-hhh.
It's okay.
You just hold onto me.
Shh.
[Dottie moans.]
Just stay away from the weapon.
I don't even know what's real anymore, Barry.
Dottie, open up your ears now and listen to this.
In this time of extreme chaos and tragedy, people lose their way.
And I'm seeing things I love with a clarity I could have never imagined.
But after this crime, the world the entire world has lost its innocence, and so have I.
I'm not quite sure if I can go on without you.
You don't have to.
You don't have to go on without me.
'Cause I love you.
Hmm.
Okay, this makes no sense and is gross.
Come on, let's go have our traditional post-prank pie and coffee, come on.
Whit: Hmm.
How is, uh How is your pie? Oh, good.
It's, uh It's apple.
[Sirens approaching.]
Hmm, nice.
Woo, yikes, they just don't stop coming.
[Chuckles.]
Well, good prank, boys.
Yeah, that's a that's a lot of police.
Looks like the state police are involved now.
Yeah.
[Chuckles.]
Hey, Barf, what was that new fruit store called again? Uh, mmm, Cran-organic jamberr-ies.
- I think.
- Yeah, that's right.
[Whit reading.]
Interesting.
Looks like they got goofed on too tonight.
Coincidence, yep.
[Whit reading.]
Huh.
How long does it take to grab some rotten fruit from the dumpster and - I've got some real rotten apples.
- These are big.
[Glass shatters.]
Driver: Oh my god, what is this?! - Barf, what kind of apples where those? - Cran-organic jamberries.
- These are big.
- I went to that new frozen fruit place.
Who would do that? - They're acting like throwing fruit is a crime.
- Cran-organic jamberry.
Cran-Organic jamberry.
Cran-organic jamberr-ies? I think? Whit: Cryogenic chamber [Screaming.]
[Screams.]
No, guys, that's the fruit store I broke into and stole three really big frozen apples that were slimy and head-shaped.
Whoops.
[Screaming.]
- Barf, paddle faster! - [Grunts.]
I'm trying! You know what, guys? I'm actually pretty excited about Mexico.
Yeah, man, it's gonna be great.
As long we got each other, we're gonna be fine.
We're slowing down already.
Barf, come on.
Barf? [Instrumental music.]