Sue Perkins: Perfectly Legal (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Shit. Fuck.
- Shit!
- That way!
Go!
Yeah! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
That was insane.
I didn't know what to do.
Because it's fire, this primal part of you
wants to run and dance in it
like the world's ending.
There's this incredible energy,
this incredible power that's so beyond
anything you could generate
on your own in your living room.
And God only knows I've tried to do that.
Fucking hell, man. That was insane.
I'm still, like, buzzed.
Unbelievable.
There's something weird that happens
after a truly exhilarating experience.
Half of you wants more,
to feel that adrenalin
coursing through your veins forever.
To run, fly, escape.
The other half wonders,
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
Do you really need
to risk life and limb to feel alive?"
What exactly is it about normal life
you're trying to escape?"
Alex, for his part, had escaped already.
He claimed he had
a gig back in Mexico City
and abandoned me on the side of the road,
promising me that some friends of his
would be along to pick me up.
And he promptly disappeared
from my life forever.
Hi, guys.
I'm Sue and I'm from London in England,
a little place called Croydon.
Um
Does anybody here speak English?
- I'm speak.
- Thank you, hello.
Tell me about these guys. Who are you?
- I'm Fight Panther.
- Fight Panther.
Yes. That boy is Caillou.
And Joe Líder, Crazy Boy
Crazy Boy is a great name.
Paranoiko and Polux.
- Bollocks?
- Yes.
Polux is totally gonna die soon.
He might work on that name.
- Yes.
- How did he get that name?
- I don't know.
- I'll find out.
There's a story behind that name.
- Polux is Polux.
- Yes.
- And he is the son of the Polux.
- He comes from a long line of Bollocks.
- Yes.
- Oh, okay. That answers that.
Extreme Wrestling,
it's a different style of wrestling.
Okay.
And in this fight,
you can
using lamps, using sticks,
using the tables and chairs.
So you will hurt each other.
You don't pretend. It's real.
It's real. So in Mexico, it's different.
Mexico don't have rules.
Mexico
- It doesn't have rules.
- Don't have rules for anything.
And what do you do in the week?
Do you have a job?
Yes, I have a job,
and I am study university for marketing.
So you study marketing in the week,
and then at the weekend, Fight Panther.
Yes.
I'm an amateur wrestler.
But you make some money?
Yes. You needed the money
because you need it to go to the hospital.
You need it to buy medicines for the body.
You need it to pay.
But if you don't wrestle,
then you don't need to go to the hospital.
So it seems like all you're doing
is wrestling to pay your hospital bills.
- Yes.
- Okay. All right.
Fight Panther wasn't exaggerating.
He and his colleagues are exponents
of something called "Extreme Lucha Libre,"
which takes the normal
everyday violence of Mexican wrestling
and adds in a lot, lot more violence.
Tonight, though, is going to be special.
The final fight of a legend of the sport
Halloween.
When I was a kid in Tulancingo
I would go very quickly to take
the wrestlers from behind.
With my mask, I am very different.
We are all crazy.
They think you are crazy, because to them,
you are doing a crazy thing.
Fight Panther.
Sue,
what was that all about?
I didn't expect to be part of the match.
One nearly landed on me at one point.
But what was great is that was
I can't say his real name.
But that was my mate on the bus.
And tomorrow, of course,
back to marketing.
Yes!
Come on, sir. Come on!
Halloween!
Halloween!
Halloween! Halloween!
Go!
After three hours
of bloodshed,
Halloween took to the ring
in readiness for his last ever fight.
For Halloween,
having a friend force his forehead
into a pile of broken glass
was his happy place.
For him, being smashed around the face
with a metal chair,
a sort of nirvana.
Lying here in a puddle of his own blood,
he was truly content.
I loved it.
The drama, the spectacle,
the bit where they got out
a pack of drawing pins
and rubbed them into each other's eyes.
But I'm pretty sure
it wouldn't make me content.
Now more than ever,
I wanted to find out what would.
Well, another relaxing night in Mexico.
So, I've gone from
a town of exploding donkeys
to another town full of men in tights
who fight by smashing
a half of a lighting shop
over each other's faces.
Lucha Extrema!
That's in Poza Rica.
Now Yucatan, baby.
BAKERY
Before we start,
can you please tell me where I am?
I don't know. No, I know.
It always feels like a kidnap,
that I'm just being handed over.
Yeah, that's how it feels to be in Mexico.
Being kidnapped.
I'm sorry. No, that's not true.
No, it is.
We're in a little town called Pomuch.
- Pomuch.
- Which means something.
Something probably deep and spiritual.
- Yes, that I know nothing about.
- Yeah. That's fine.
You know what is
really interesting in this town?
How do you feel about death?
Well, I'm trying to avoid it
for as long as possible
- is my main feeling about it.
- Yes.
But if you someday decide
to go right into death
- Yeah.
- you should come here.
Because they treat
their dead very special.
They bury their dead
for like two or three years
so that the skin and everything falls off,
and then when they are pure bone,
they dig out the bone
and they clean the bones
and they put them in these little boxes.
- No.
- Yes.
Here specifically,
the Mayans are like the
They're like the weird uncle
of the Mexican traditions.
Okay.
Like, "That's my weird drunk uncle.
Don't pay attention to him."
Your version of death is now everywhere.
- All the kids can embrace it.
- Exactly.
What do you do in England
when somebody dies?
We do the sensible thing.
Put them in a box,
never see them again.
Don't talk of them. Just pop them in,
there's' a conveyor belt.
We'll play "Land of Hope and Glory"
or something.
And then the box moves in,
and that's all, folks.
And then you wonder why ten years later,
you've had this pain in your chest
that hasn't gone away.
Mexicans also don't like to think
that death is all there is.
What have I just drunk?
That's my grandmother, actually.
So you said they arrange the bones. How?
I mean, in a circle or a pattern or
I mean, it's
Why don't you come and see it?
- We'll go and see it?
- Yeah.
Is that gonna creep you out?
- Yes, totally.
- Me too.
Run on for a long time ♪
You can run on for a long time ♪
Sooner or later
God'll cut you down ♪
Señor, can I ask
who these bones belong to?
We have this body.
It belongs to my dead grandpa.
Domenance Tuseguán
who has passed away.
Here we have all his bones
that we'll need.
Forgive me
for being direct.
Is it you that then digs up the body
or takes the body out?
When the person dies,
I put them to rest here,
in the big vaults.
So that person
We then wait three years.
Not everybody can handle this.
Sometimes the staff standing next to us
Sometimes people can't stand the smell
They need to throw up.
That translates.
Because of the smell. It's still fresh
But we are used to it.
- We don't.
- I don't feel it.
And what is
the significance of cleaning the bones?
It is as if you
are giving a party for your birthday,
and you ask your mates,
your friends to come,
to come to party with you.
With this cleaning, the dead feel happy.
We have our visitors
and they feel satisfied.
So he's sort of getting
dressed up for the fiesta.
Exactly.
My grandfathers and great-grandfathers
taught us to do this,
so we don't want to forget it.
And I wish our children
or our friends follow this tradition,
the cleaning of the bones
of the deceased faithful.
I didn't know
how legal it is.
I mean, in the UK,
you can't exhume a body.
- There's a whole
- Process.
Yeah, you certainly
wouldn't just be able to go,
"I want to see my grandma again."
That's illegal.
You know, it's grave robbing.
Even if you're a family member.
This is my grandfather,
he was a working man.
He died at the age of 35.
He died young. He was a chiclero.
He was cutting the resin
of the zapote.
The resin comes out every six years.
Can I ask, sir, how you feel
about death, about your own mortality?
I feel happy, because in this country
in our town,
it is a natural tradition,
we have to die,
we have to leave this place
because we are living on borrowed time,
we have to leave from here,
and only the body stays here.
Listening to Venancio
and watching him dutifully
polish up his granddad's skeleton,
it suddenly struck me that
despite all my running around,
blowing myself up
and having near-death experiences,
the whole point of this trip
was to feel alive again.
Maybe you only need to
remind yourself to feel alive again
if you're somehow worried about death.
Venancio wasn't scared of death.
Venancio embraced death,
actually physically embraced it
twice weekly.
And for a brief moment, floating there
in that ancient Mexican cave,
I wasn't scared either.
This is just
so perfectly peaceful.
And cut.
Thanks for your patience, guys.
Thank you. Thanks, everyone.
I was about to fly to Brazil,
one of the most amazing,
carefree, fuck-it-all
and have fun places
on the face of the earth.
But then, all of a sudden,
everything ground to a sickening halt.
For the next two years,
I was unable to do anything.
Unable to see friends, family,
unable to travel anywhere.
It was the opposite of cutting loose,
of living without rules.
All we had was rules.
It wasn't perfectly legal
to do anything much at all.
Except watch the endless cycle
of apocalyptic news reports.
Constant washing,
endless testing, virtual quizzes.
Brazil won
the 1970 World Cup.
More testing, more news,
locked down.
You're muted. Just click unmute.
Unmute your
Stuck without distractions,
just me and my thoughts and my baggage.
Until finally, 768 days later
Just look ahead and run.
Yes!
- You have a kip now. I've got this.
- Mmm-hmm.
I'll land on the motorway, right?
I wanted to say that
we did practise the take-off,
but not the landing.
Two more, please.
- Hey, Sue.
- Hey, you.
- How are you?
- What's up?
So nice to see you.
- How's it going?
- Good to see you too.
Hey there.
Chin-chin.
- I love Rio already.
- Yes.
So tonight we'll party.
I'm going to show you samba,
live samba in Lapa.
We'll dance on the street.
Drink on the streets. Gonna be amazing.
What happened about getting in,
jet lag and having a night just to chill?
Not in Brazil.
- Okay.
- Maybe that's France.
Okay.
By the fifth caipirinha,
your hips are gonna shake.
You're not gonna understand
what is happening.
- No.
- Yeah.
Okay.
- Teach me some moves?
- Sure.
- Okay. Yeah.
- But there's a trick.
- Mmm-hmm?
- If you literally can't shake your hips,
you can shake your shoulders really hard,
and then your hips will shake
because your whole body is shaking.
But if I do that, then my belly's
gonna go like Newton's cradle.
It's perpetual motion.
It'll literally be doing that all night.
Won't stop. I mean
So I've got certain expectations.
Yeah. What?
Just crazy,
every-day's-a-fiesta, limitless fun.
Am I right?
If you're unemployed, yes.
All right.
Technically, I am most of the time, yeah.
But, I mean, Brazil,
the best thing we do is parties.
And also we have this hangover pill,
which is the Brazilian
best contribution to science.
Okay.
'Cause you take one
before you start drinking, one after.
Tomorrow, you're new. You're fine.
You can party again.
Has anybody ever asked you
what's in that pill?
I have no idea.
And I'm afraid to find out.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
I'm prepared to accept
Brazil's major contribution to science.
Take one now because we're going to start.
Very strong Matrix vibes.
Only in The Matrix, it was a choice.
Here, not so much.
Chin-chin.
It's going to be great, Sue.
For some reason, Carol had lined up
a mototaxi to take us into town.
Mototaxis, by the way, great.
No idea why we don't have them.
But if they do catch on, though,
my advice is
just let adults do the steering.
Oh, God, not downhill.
Whoo!
In my country, to dance,
we need to be virtually in a coma
through alcohol poisoning.
- How do you like it?
- Perfect.
They basically repurposed
the hand sanitiser into a drink.
How do you do that?
- It's the tippy toes.
- Yeah.
If you do like this,
one foot in the front
Keep doing it.
Yeah!
I need to move my feet quicker.
You don't really know your tribe
until you hit a gaff like this.
And it seems that my babe magnet is
very much drawing in the over-seventies.
The grey love coming my way.
It's like a tsunami of pensioner.
I'm letting 'em all in.
I'm loving it. Yeah.
Two years I've not had fun.
Two years, the fun gland
has been sort of squeezed.
And now suddenly I'm let loose
in an atmosphere where there are people,
there's booze
and there's great dancing, and
This is what it's all about.
Music, life, fun.
All the things we'd forgotten how to do.
Really?
Sue. Fuck off.
Whoo!
Can we do the map scene?
This is what happens
when you don't take the second pill.
Okay, uh, this feels like a quiz question,
but I think I know the answer.
I'm in Brazil,
in the home of football, sexy times,
and the nut.
First thing I like to do off a flight
is fly some more.
But this time,
just essentially holding on
to a bar next to a guy called Beto.
I mean, I'm not great with bodies.
I'm not great.
Let's do some legs sticking out there.
It looks more like a cheese sandwich, but
work with that.
Straight after that
high-adrenalin experience,
I want to calm down.
So I get up on the back of a motorbike
driven by a 14-year-old with a death wish.
Never got his name,
was too busy screaming into his back.
There. Those are my kidneys.
They just sort of flew around
back into my body.
And then after that,
all-night bender with the lovely Carol.
And a little bit of
sexy samba.
So there we go. I've drawn her
with unfeasibly large boobs.
I don't know why I've done that.
I mean, she's basically She's 50% jug.
Apologies.
Look, I know this might be stating
the obvious, but I'm really white.
And I don't just mean in the obvious,
fantastically privileged
life on a plate kind of way.
I'm white in a "Shit, that's shiny.
Has she ever been outside?" way.
By the time I got to Brazil,
two years of lockdown
had given my already fair skin
a strange, dazzling iridescent glow.
Luckily, Carol had a solution in hand,
dragging me halfway across the city
to meet a woman who could supposedly
cure my Nosferatu complexion.
So, Sue, do you know that
here in Brazil, and especially in Rio,
the beauty standards are very high, right?
- Take care.
- No.
No, I am allowed to be here.
So come, it's fine.
Yeah, but you're beautiful.
We both are.
And here, especially in Rio,
you've got to have a tan line.
A tan line?
You've got to have a tan
and then a tan line.
But why the tan line?
Surely, you want it all to be golden.
- Because it's sexy.
- Is it?
It's sexy.
It looks like you've been at the beach.
Oh, okay.
But the solariums were illegal, like,
ten years ago because there's
Of all the things to be illegal in Brazil.
A solarium?
Yes, because the cancer
is worse than
smoking cigarettes, apparently.
Oh, okay, that makes sense.
So here in Brazil, we have this
natural kind of tanning salon.
Rooftop tanning.
So this place where I'm taking you,
they have a special technique.
Welcome to Realengo!
Here we are.
Wow.
These are the girls getting a tan
on the rooftop.
I haven't seen so much nudity
since my grandma's 90th.
Hello.
Let's glue some tape?
Oh, so you're using
electrical tape to create a tan line.
Do you want to try it yourself?
Oh, there.
Just nice to have a bit of contact
after the pandemic.
Thanks for popping them
slightly higher than they are as well.
Lovely.
So can I see? Is that okay?
All of them with a tan line.
This is the community culture.
That's nice. Nice thong mark.
I feel I should know your name
because I've just seen your crevice.
Yeah, it's good.
It's good.
Unfortunately, I didn't get the memo.
I didn't bring my beach-ready body.
This body is designed
for comfort rather than display.
Um, so although I'm body-positive,
I think it's more in the sense
that I'm positive I shouldn't show it.
Give me your intimacy ♪
What's intimacy ♪
I'll give you activity ♪
Hmm, hmm ♪
I know, I know.
The whole point of this trip
is to experience things
that I could never do at home.
But I genuinely didn't want to strip naked
and let a stranger gaffer up my privates.
I certainly didn't want you
to have to see it.
Erika was insistent, though,
so I eventually agreed
to let her tape me up.
So what have you gone for here?
Just gone for something very simple.
This is all very jazzy around me.
So I've just gone for something
to accentuate the myopia
and your classic truckers tan, really.
You want to get that really nice
van driver white line.
I will cool you down.
No idea what that means.
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Erika.
So when I think of Brazil,
I think of beautiful people like you guys.
Is beauty important here?
Beauty is extremely important here.
To be well and appreciated.
In my country,
people hide the fact
that they've had Botox, fillers,
plastic surgery.
Here it's out in the open.
We really like to show what we do,
we don't hide it.
We like to record things, create content,
really show what we have added,
procedures we have made, here and there.
We like to be beautiful, and to show it.
How many people here
have had a boob job?
She has, I have, she also has
I have.
When I had my boob job, when I woke up,
I only cried,
because it is really nice now
to wear a low-cut top,
it draws a lot of attention.
If you eat as many carbs
as I do, you'd have tits like this. Easy.
You don't need surgery.
You just need pasta.
Having the money to buy a car,
if I have to choose between a car
and a boob job, I choose the boob job.
I can take a bus, but having my big boobs.
- And you don't ever leave the bus.
- A thousand times
Who's had a butt job?
Me. I took it from here
and added it to my butt.
Oh, look at that butt.
Erika, why did you
have plastic surgery? Why?
Because fat in my belly bothered me,
and taking it from the front
to add it behind, I thought it was good.
I'm in.
I've got a couple of kilos
I could just really do with
placing around the back.
And be beautiful today in Brazil
is something cultural.
You are born ready for that.
Your mum adorns your hair
You become a Barbie.
We tend to get better, more beautiful.
That is why we are not ashamed to say what
we have done, and what we have not.
The right to be beautiful here
is demanding.
If you are beautiful,
if you have a beautiful body,
you are invited to parties.
If you are not at all like that,
you are not invited.
Tell me about it.
Not a right,
but an obligation to be beautiful.
How was that
for you, Sue?
I mean, I certainly think
I achieved peak beauty in there.
Really showed them a thing or two.
Girls like that have always
been intimidating to me.
They're just perfect,
perfect and beautiful.
But I come from a culture where,
I'd see them as artificial,
they've made too much of an effort,
and they're a bit up themselves
'cause they got fake boobs
and a big booty.
And actually it's completely different.
Here it's accepted that
you want to make the best out of yourself.
The girls felt an obligation,
and I guess when I think of obligation,
I think of
a heavy weight of responsibility,
but it doesn't feel like that.
It feels more like
when they say "obligation,"
it means like a cultural responsibility
to look good, fly the flag.
"We're not just good
at football, you know."
"We're just so goddamn beautiful."
And there's a joy
about that that you can't
There's no point of being snarky about it.
I don't know what
we've been doing in the UK all this time.
Just deliberately looking crap.
With my tanning problem cured,
Carol announced it was now okay for me
to be reintroduced into Brazilian society.
The plan was to go to one of the city's
infamous neighbourhoods
and attend something
called a carioca funk ball.
Headlining would be
an artist called MC Carol,
a pioneer of a type of music
so notorious and shocking,
it was at one point
banned outside the favelas.
We headed to her recording studio
to see her doing her thang.
I'm so sorry for saying "thang."
Now you look at my ass
Going up and down ♪
- Sue, Philip.
- Nice to meet you.
peeking out of the corner of the eye
and she has laid a hand ♪
And this is MC Carol.
This rhyme aims
to shatter, the myth that size do matter ♪
My ass is going up and down,
up and down.
Okay, sorry,
was that the song or was that you?
- No, no
- Okay.
Up and down.
You're gonna look at me and appreciate.
I wanna fuck you hard.
I want to fuck you on the street.
Okay.
Whoo!
I want it hard.
I want it big, I want it
- Okay. Yes.
- You know, hard.
"Wait. Soon I'm going
to come again," she says. Yeah.
- I want a big dick at the ball.
- A big dick.
And my pussy wants to fuck you.
But it it hurts because,
you know, the dick is big.
Okay. But it could be chlamydia.
- Whoo!
- Call me a whore. I'm a whore.
- I'm not gonna call her a whore.
- Fuck my pussy.
- Okay.
- Whore. Whore. Whore.
Talk dirty in my ear
- What's up, everybody?
- What's up, MC Carol?
Hey, sweetie,
you're gorgeous.
- That was amazing.
- Yeah.
I was trying to translate
your lyrics to her.
Jesus Christ!
And she was asking me
why lyrics is so dirty.
Can you explain that?
I started singing at 15.
She started at 15. Yeah.
And how did they first react when at 15
When this girl is doing this stuff?
I used to stop at some places
on the street, and hear some talks,
"I did this, I did that,
"I fucked one and stuff."
And I thought,
"Okay, I'll write about that
as if I had lived it.
And we will see what it will be like
coming from the mouth of a woman,
a girl saying that."
And then I started going to the parties,
and I said that I was doing this and that.
- You know?
- Mmm-hmm.
And people got shocked.
- Wow.
- Men didn't like it,
'cause I said they were going to
wash my underwear
for example
They didn't like it,
they threw beer cans on me.
Threw beer cans?
They threw beer cans, bottles, glasses
I thought about the money,
I needed the money
Got stuck in.
I understand that. Come on.
So, I want to invite you
for tonight's show.
At Favela of Santo Amaro.
But I also invite you to write with me
something in English.
I'm game.
So it's a deal.
We need to
write lyrics? Okay.
I will try and not let you down,
and I will be totally filthy.
- Yeah. It's going to be fun.
- Yeah.
What about "pussy"?
She'll never say "vagina."
"Pussy" is an unpleasant word
for an English person to say.
I'll say anything,
but "pussy" makes me feel
It just makes my mouth dry.
I don't mean pussy makes my mouth dry.
And now I'm stuck.
What a terrible opening lyric.
And yet I find myself writing it down.
"Vagina." "Butt."
I think we have to
say "butt" at some point.
There's three "butts" here.
- It's Brazil. We love butts.
- Okay.
Um Fud for the Scottish. Arse.
- "Cock."
- "Cock."
- Cock?
- Cock.
I'm not Dutch.
"Minge."
- Minge?
- Minge.
Hard to rhyme with minge?
- Orange.
- Cringe.
Right. "Cringe" and "minge."
We've got that.
What about "boobs"?
- Yeah.
- "Tits."
"Teats"?
Well, it's not a veterinary practice.
"Teats."
I've written the word "cunt,"
so that's good.
That was my contribution to the genre.
- Okay. All right.
- Mmm-hmm.
Should we go try
and knock something up?
Let's try it. Let's try.
Imagine going to
a recording artist and showing her that
as the fruit of your labour.
I've been working on this for two hours.
- Carol.
- Olá.
Hello.
Carol, what we've done here
is we've done a mood board
of English rude words.
"Tits." "Arse."
"Tits" means tits, "arse" means butt.
Uh-huh
Butt
Here is another one for butt.
"Cock."
This means cock.
Cock-a-Pinto?
Isn't that a Disney character?
It's the profanity
that I find interesting.
Um, usually I'm at a string quartet,
so it is a leap.
It is a leap. I won't lie.
Don't hear the word "cunt"
often at a string quartet.
Unless something goes very wrong
with the viola, and that can happen.
This rhyme aims to shatter
The myth that size do matter ♪
Your dong ain't the story
Your cock ain't the glory ♪
Get ready for my hairy twat ♪
All I could hear is hairy twat ♪
I think you're on.
Hairy twat ♪
Brace yourselves.
Here comes my clam.
What is clam?
What is clam?
I don't understand.
- Explain to me, Sue. What is clam?
- "What is clam?"
- It's this?
- Yeah.
- Butthole?
- No.
What's the prob
Whose butthole looks like that?
- It's a clam.
- I don't know.
People have haemorrhoids.
What I'm doing is
I'm piggybacking on an amazing artist
and then just going,
"Look at my vagina."
I mean, actually just It's awful.
Minge.
What is your word?
- Quim.
- Everybody.
Prepare for my quim.
Prepare for her quim.
Oh, dear.
We've got a lot of work to do.
The gig that night would be staged
in the heart of one of Rio's favelas,
the notorious shantytown areas
on the hills surrounding the city.
We'd been welcomed in as guests,
but the activity would still require
an extensive safety briefing.
We're about 140 meters
from the entrance to the favela.
'Cause it's a gang-controlled area,
there's not much police presence.
We are going to be looked after
by some of the local boys.
In the unlikely event
there is any kind of firearms discharge,
like shooting or anything like that,
what I want you to do
first of all is hit the deck,
look around and try
and find some good cover,
like anything concrete, anything solid
that you can hide behind
that'll stop bullets coming through.
Any questions, any issues?
You worried about anything?
Yeah. I mean,
I'm ready to have fun now, Sam.
We arrived at the ball in good time
for my appearance on stage,
which was scheduled for 11:00 p.m.
I loitered inside the small cage,
waiting for MC Carol to show up,
as the place got busier.
By 1:00 a.m. it was beginning to fill up,
a flood of achingly cool Brazilians
filtering into the basketball court.
I ran through the lyrics of my ditty.
I know you don't call it a ditty.
Over and over, words about dicks and tits
and my vagina
swimming round and round in my head.
At 2:00 a.m., just to break the tedium,
a gang walks through the court
wielding submachine guns,
pointing them at the cameraman
as a warning not to film them
and possibly as a warning
to me not to sing.
Finally, at 3:00 a.m., MC Carol arrived,
consumed a carton
of chocolate milk, her rider,
and took to the stage.
She is showing me her gun ♪
She is showing me her gun ♪
She is showing me her gun ♪
Your wife is tough ♪
You can be sure I will do it again
I will rub against you in the dance ♪
Call me a whore
Call me a motherfucker ♪
Fuck me hard, ask for my ass
Tough guy, suck me ♪
My pussy is yours I am naked
on the street ♪
Whore, whore, whore ♪
Talk dirty in my ear ♪
Now you look
at my ass going up and down ♪
My ass going up and down ♪
My ass going up and down ♪
My ass going up and down ♪
Hey, Sue!
All right!
I will do it again ♪
- I will rub against you in the dance ♪
- Come on!
Call me a whore
Call me a motherfucker ♪
Fuck me hard
Ask for my ass ♪
Tough guy, suck me
My pussy is yours ♪
I am naked on the street ♪
Whore, whore, whore ♪
Sue!
Sue!
It's all about the guy's behind ♪
It's all about the ass crack ♪
I'm fucking, I'm bucking
Like a sweaty little mustang ♪
You think that you're a failure
Your tiny genitalia ♪
Get mad, get hard
And fucking go impale her ♪
This rhyme aims to shatter
The idea that y'all don't matter ♪
It ain't about your
It ain't about your ♪
Get ready for the hairy twat ♪
Can't believe I just said that
Did I really just say that? ♪
All I heard was hairy twat ♪
Whore! ♪
Get ready! ♪
Get ready! ♪
I'm 52, I'm 52 ♪
I'm 52 ♪
I was standing on a stage
in front of a crowd
of beautiful party-mad Brazilians,
chanting my age in a language
they didn't understand.
It had been
over two years since the last time
I'd done something this stupid,
sprinting around
like a lunatic at a fireworks festival
four-and-a-half thousand miles away
in Mexico.
Back then, I was obsessed with the idea
of cutting loose and breaking rules
and being free
without really understanding
what it meant to be
without freedom in the first place.
And now I was back
with two thoughts going around my head.
The first was an urgent voice
telling me that somehow
I had to cancel
my mother's Netflix subscription
before she watches this show.
And the second thought
was that this felt good.
Perhaps too good.
I want my pussy in flames ♪
Fucking you is painful ♪
If your wife catches us
She will beat me again ♪
I can only tease you
You are there ♪
You look dangerous
But your wife is tough ♪
She is peeking out
Of the corner of the eye ♪
And she has laid a hand
She is showing me her gun ♪
But your wife is tough ♪
She is peeking out
Of the corner of the eye ♪
And she has laid a hand
She is showing me her gun ♪
She is showing me her gun
She is showing me her gun ♪
But your wife is tough ♪