SuperMansion (2015) s01e06 Episode Script
Lex
1 I've got a half-caff 2% for Titanium Rex.
Excuse me.
I believe that's mine! Ugh! Still using my name, are you? I have more right to the name "Titanium Rex" than you.
That's not what the court said, is it? - I am a T-Rex with titanium arms! - Unhand my beverage.
Decaf skinny vanilla latte for Titanium Rex? Oh.
Never mind.
That one's actually mine.
Tell it to the judge, Robodino! Ah! 1x06 - "Lex" You want some Cooch? Don't get mad, get Brad.
Saturn, please get your feet off the stove.
I just cleaned it.
Oy, my friend, I haven't seen you in synagogue for weeks! Oh, shit.
The Jew thing.
- Cinnamon-raisin? Yuck! - I'll take it.
No, no, no! Come on, now, Jewbot.
Time for your Hebrew lesson.
Yeah, I'm not coming.
I've decided to become a Reform Jew.
That is the easy one, right? Reform? Oh, my heart breaks for you, Jewbot! Moses weeps, Abraham Ooh, is that string cheese? I'm staying for lunch! Ah, the Sunday funnies.
30 pages of artfully rendered American adventure, hilarity, and They're still doing "Prince Valiant"? Jeepers! This sucked in 1937! Got a free skinny vanilla latte if any of you hate yourselves.
No, thanks.
I'm all about this smoothie right now.
Well, I'm glad to see you're taking care of yourself, Brad.
Yeah, I'm trying to stay centered, reconnect with my body, and get a little taste of tranquility.
Mega! Aw, no way! Is this [bleep.]
decaf?! Hragh! - Get a haircut, Valiant! - I did a bad thing, Marjorie! Suck my dick, Winkerbean! - Well, so much for a quiet day at home.
- Excuse me, Rex.
There's a highly attractive young woman at the door for you.
You say that like you're surprised.
I still get groupies, you know.
Some of them are pretty ish.
I rest my case.
I may not even need my boner pills for this one.
What can I do for you, young lady? Oh, uh, sorry to just show up unannounced like this.
I'm Lex.
Lex Lightning! I'm, uh, your daughter.
I'm your daughter.
- But wha - Where'd we land on that boner pill? Get bup, bup, bup, bup.
Get that away! My daughter, you say? Oh, my God! We've even got the same hands! Rex: Organic matter, just like mine.
I can't believe my mom tried to hide you from me all these years.
- She's such a weirdo, right? - Uh, and your mother is who, exactly? Oh, I doubt you remember her.
She said you guys had a one-night bangadoo.
Yep, that's the term she used.
Christina Jones? From Des Moines? Christina Jones! Ye No, I don't remember.
Oh, no.
Doesn't matter.
We're not really on good terms.
I'm just so happy to finally meet you in the flesh.
My real live dad! Oh, I've always wondered about you You idiot! Now you've done it.
Couldn't keep it in your pants, and now you're on the hook for 18 years of back child support.
You're just a genius, aren't you? Well, nowhere to hide now.
Just keep smiling, nodding your head while your life falls apart before your Rex, aren't you gonna introduce us to your smokin'-hot daughter? Who you callin' hot? That hottie? I ain't threatened.
Oh! I'm Lex.
It's so nice to meet you all.
I'm geekin' out.
I'm sorry.
I'm a huge fan! So, which one of us is your favorite? It's me, right? - Well - Sorry, honey, I'm off the market as long as this ring's on my finger.
Yep, off the market.
Well, you're all awesome, okay? Can I just put that out there for the record? Uh, but if I had to pick one, I'd have to go with Cooch.
She's such a total all-around inspiration.
Something smells like bullshit.
Cooch, manners.
That's Rex's bastard child.
My nose is a finely tuned instrument.
This dude ain't cool.
So, Lex, you staying in town? Well, I still need a place to crash.
All: She can stay in my room! No, no, no.
She's not going to stay in any of your rooms.
- She'll bunk with Cooch.
- Yay! - I'd rather lick my own butthole! - You do lick your own butthole.
Well, then, I'd rather lick your butthole.
- That is not happening.
- You can't stay awake forever.
- Cooch, please don't lick my butthole.
- No promises.
Pull up a rug.
What's mine is yours.
You have such great style.
I mean, did you decorate this place yourself or hire a pro? Hire a pro? What a waste of money.
Hey! Get your hands off my pogs! I'm still paying those off! O-M-God.
The Stankk Bros? I lo Oh m Oh, my gosh.
We're the same person! I love musicians! Uh, they're the only guys I'll date.
I'll date anyone that'll bang a humanoid cat.
So, pretty much musicians.
And Brad.
That's what I'm all about a musicians and unicorns.
I can't believe you just got that out of me.
Who are you? You guys hear that? Lex digs musicians.
We've got our in.
I don't know.
The unicorn thing makes me think she's retarded.
Dude, you can't say that anymore.
- What's the currently acceptable term? - "Adorkable.
" Contemplating fatherhood, Rex? I can barely deal with my own crap! I am not cut out to be a dad.
Right? I think that's a fair assumption.
But I-I didn't know Lex existed until today.
At which point you ran away and started drinking.
Oh, you're right.
I'll never know what kind of father I can be until I face my responsibility like a man.
That's big of you, Rex.
Why don't you run her DNA just to make sure? Yeah, I was kind of waiting for that.
Wait.
Are you guys musicians?! Hey, Lex! I didn't see you there! Yeah, we totally have a band.
What, uh What kind of music? - It's good old American ragtime.
- Electronica.
- Death metal.
We're called Razr Dik.
- I did not slaughter 8,000 Krauts so I could wind up in a band called Razr Dik! - I like it.
- Razr Dik it is! Let's all get tattoos.
You like tattoos, Lex? Brad, what the shit?! You flirtin' with that trash? Uh, last I checked, you just wanted to be friends.
So, yeah, I'd like to bang Rex's daughter.
And if not her, someone else's daughter - or son, grandpa.
Dealer's choice.
- Suit yourself.
What are you even talking to me for? See ya! I guess I like music that's raw, savage, dangerous.
- Dangerous like a unicorn? - Ooh, is that one of your songs? Uh-huh.
Yeah.
We were just about to, you know, lay it down.
- What the hell? - Aw, crap! It's her old man! - Oh shit! Jesus! - Run! Lex, may I talk to you a moment? Sure, Daddy.
Wow, that feels weird to say.
Is it weird to you or totally normal? I I don't know exactly how to do this.
I I've never had a kid before.
And I've never had a dad before.
I guess that makes us both newbies.
- So, where do we start? - Well, um, I don't know how to fly.
- Think you could show me how? - Sure! Let's go fly! Oh, wait, yay! Sho Yeah! I'm sorry.
Couldn't pick a word.
Let's just hug a little bit longer.
Still hugging.
And we're done.
O-M-God! This is amazing! Do you think I can learn to do this on my own someday? I don't see why not.
Maybe after this, we can go get pizza, and then later, you can teach me how to hone my superpowers.
We could go to the mall and shop Calm down.
You want this, Rex someone to look after, someone to worry about every time you hear a siren.
You pounded your way across this great nation, and now you have to deal with the consequences.
And you can kiss your weekends goodbye, 'cause that's family time! Dad? Dad! One, two, three, quatro! I'm a wild one, baby I'm a naughty unicorn My hooves are made of kisses And this song is my horn Yeah! Come on, Rex! We're trying to find our sound! - What are you guys doing in here? - What does it look like? - Hey, where's Lex? - Who? Oh, yes.
Lex, of course.
She, well, uh she decided, you know, to to do her own thing, and What did you do, Rex? What did you do? Nothing! Her mom came back, and she was adopted by a rich uncle and she got a job on a fishing boat in Alaska, so no need for me to turn my life upside down and learn to love! Rex, you okay? Ah, pop a squat.
Let's rap for a bit.
Oh, sure.
Let's have an intense talk about my feelings while you're noodling a keytar.
That seems like a great use of my time.
Rex, come quick.
Lex is on the television.
Shocking news today as once-beloved superhero Titanium Rex abandons his illegitimate daughter on a treacherous mountaintop.
What kind of monster abandons his baby? She's what? Oh, she's a grown woman? Well, that's not so bad.
But while some are willing to forgive others are not.
No doubt it's a black eye for the beleaguered League of Freedom, and once again calls Titanium Rex's leadership into question.
I am absolutely gobsmacked! These allegations are sickening and, if true, I'm coming for that deadbeat daddy's ass! You hear me, Rex? I'mma shut your whole operation down! A man doesn't leave his kids, no matter what.
Wait, do I have kids? Uh, this might be a glasshouse situation, guys.
Yep.
Can't leave your kids and can't leave your antique wife.
- Because family comes first.
- Have you no soul, Rex? - So what if he doesn't? - Fine! I'll fix it! It's fine.
Don't worry.
Just a little hypothermia.
And a broken heart.
Man: What would you say to your piece-of-shit father if he was here? Uh, first thought, "You suck as a father.
You're horrible.
" Uh, I don't know.
These are just all first thoughts.
She might say that her dad was just trying to teach his little girl how to fly and made a terrible mistake.
Man: By leaving her on a mountaintop? Like, what kind of parenting is that? The kind before people used words like "parenting.
" That's how I learned.
Oh, then you then you weren't abandoning me? Never! You're my daughter, my baby girl, my heart.
She's my heart, everyone, in case that wasn't clear.
Crowd: Aww! That's the stuff, Rexy.
You got 'em eating out of your hand.
- Why are you so happy? - What? Oh! Now, that's just the look of a proud papa.
And Lex is going to be moving into the mansion permanently.
- Ooh! I am? - I'd like another shot at being your father, Lex.
- If you'll have me.
- Oh, Daddy! - # Dangerous! # - # Hey! Hey! # Like a unicorn! Might accidentally spear you with my giant horn! No! No! Stop playing, guys! This song sucks! Brad, are you coming in on the "der, der, der" part or not? - I was naked out there! - Hey, when do we start doing drugs? Hey, guys.
I'm back.
Great sound.
Would've been better if Brad hadn't muffed the "der, der, der.
" - Did you notice I'm the singer? - Uhp-bup-bup-bup! What are you doing in here? This is a closed rehearsal.
- Who's he? - Shmuley? Uh, he's our new manager.
And you must be the harpy who's got them on this - godforsaken unicorn kick! - Well, I I liked it.
This is how great bands break up! Y You want to make it? It's her or me.
This is going to require a gentle touch.
Let me handle this.
Hey! Sweetheart, hey! Take your band-destroying witchcraft and get out of here! Go back to China, Yoko! Sorry, Lex.
You'll have to leave.
Oh, I No, I I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I was interrupting your creative process.
Ooh, that was rough.
But we can't let some girl get between us and our music.
- Right, guys? - Razr Dik before chicks! Dudes can pleasure each other, and it's fine! Uh, one, two, three, four! You catch the news, Agony? You may have played the media, but you can't play a player.
Sorry, Agony, I couldn't hear you over the sounds of the public eating voraciously out of the palm of my hand.
I'm gon' be watching you! Hey! Lex, how would you like to get out of the house? Wow, that that'd be great.
- I just got blown off by Razr Dik.
- Don't ever tell me what that means.
I was thinking we could do some superheroing together, in public.
Really? Like, now? - Yep.
Just you and me.
- Come here! You can do it, Lex! Just set your mind free.
And when you're ready, let go of my hand.
Okay, I'll try.
And look! A news helicopter.
Might as well smile for the cameras.
Oh! Open your eyes! I'll never be able to fly! I'm such an idiot.
Sure you will.
You've just got to, uh - Believe in myself? - Oh, God, no.
Just keep your eyes open so your impending death kick-starts your ability to fly.
I love hanging out with you, Dad.
Me too, sweetie.
I really do.
We're making some real memories.
You know what would cap this father/daughter day off just right? Defeating a super-villain together.
And I have a pretty good idea where we might find one.
Ooh, ya! That's it! Work it! Ooh, this is total boner food.
Ya! What is the meaning of this?! Well, you can't move units without a kick-ass album cover.
You can't move units without units! You haven't written a single song! We've still got that unicorn ditty in the chamber.
# Der, der, der # You are never recording that unicorn song! It's terrible! Ugh.
We're just not inspired.
We only formed the band to get into Lex's pants.
Well, according to the contract you signed, you owe me a hit single.
Maybe a lawsuit would inspire you.
Lawsuit, you've been warned Lawsuit, like a unicor Oh, God dammit! What doesn't rhyme with "unicorn"? Get me that song, or I'll see you in court! I have taken this bank by force! No one can stop me! Rah, ah! I'm the great Robodi No, can't say it.
God, I hate that stupid name.
Unhand that bank, Robodino! The jig is up.
Oh, no! It's that old superhero and his daughter.
What? No! 'Tis I, Titanium Rex! And his beloved offspring, Lex Lightning! It's showtime, Lex.
Cheat out to the cameras and remember, smile! - Yah! - Stop it! Agh! - Nice form, Lex! - Thanks! Hyah! Hey, not so hard! Take it easy! Sorry, Robodino, my daughter and I never take it easy on evil.
- We had a deal! - Not now! But B But you promised if I made you look good for the cameras, you'd sign over the Titanium Rex name to me! And I will, just not now! Why do you need to look good for the cameras? We Uh, uh, we Ooh, someone inherited my magno-hearing.
Honey, I, uh Holy "S.
" You staged this as a photo op? Lex, honey, i-i-it's complicated.
All I ever wanted was to get to know my dad.
I guess I did.
- Lex - No, you know what? We're done, Rex.
Screw you.
Enjoy that name while you can! Because mark my words, it will be mine.
Lex, uh, please don't go.
I I I think I speak for everyone when I say we want you to stay.
You forgot your toothbrush! Now get the fuck out of here! Lex, I have no excuse for my behavior except my advancing age.
So, wait.
Um, so, you weren't pretending to be a good father just for the cameras? No, I I was pretending, but now that the cameras are off, maybe I can keep pretending.
- That came out wrong.
- I was better off without a father.
Oh, who wants to fly, anyway? Only big dude rude dude, fatty jerks fly.
That's you! I meant every word! Rex really let her down.
Yeah, nothing but crack pipe from here.
Rex's little girl is all grown up.
Unicorns and rainbows fade to black.
All that's left are not unicorns and black rainbows.
Black rainbows You let that sweet girl down Then you left her in the rain You thought he'd bring you presents But all you got was pain You said she was your baby She thought you had her back But some rain jacked up your rainbows And the colors swirled to Black rainbows, black rainbows No sunshine in view You're up there on a precipice There's a, a dinosaur behind you Huh? Now, that's a club banger I can sell! Robodino, this is not a good time.
When is a good time to call back and tell you I've kidnapped your daughter?! If you want to see her alive again, you need to get your ass down to the trademark office and sign over the name Titanium Rex once and for all! Peace! Took you long enough.
I suppose you think my mechanical arm doesn't cramp.
News flash It does.
Now sign over that name! It's all yours.
Haven't you been reading the papers? The only thing Titanium Rex means now is "shitty dad whose daughter hates him.
" I never thought about that.
Shit! You screwed up the name for both of us! Forget it! Deal's off! Nooo! - Huh? - Lex! Open your eyes! Fly, Lex! Fly! That's my daughter right there! I'm flying! I'm really flying! - Hey, Dad, check this out! - Just fly, sweetie! Whoo! I'm a bird! I'm a plane! - I'm a guided missile of hate! - That's my girl! Eat my fist, you prehistoric bitch! So, which one of us gets to kill him? Wait a Whoa, what? Ahh, I'm just kiddin'.
Proud of me, Daddy? Aw, honey, you bet I am.
- Oh, great.
Another selfie.
- No, no, no.
What I want is a picture of my daughter nabbing her first supervillain.
Aw Okay.
- Smile! - Cheese! Wait, can I see it? No, that's a good shot.
Superhero supergroup Razr Dik was resoundingly rejected this week by music fans with their limp power ballad "Black Rainbows.
" Critics called the release a sonic horror show, offensive on every level, especially to rainbows.
Well, guys, the dream is dead.
Razr Dik is no more.
And topping this week's charts, the Orthodox Men's Choir, with their hit "Dangerous Like a Unicorn.
" Son of a bitch.
Well, it looks like you do have a new name, Robodino.
- Prisoner 982.
- I like it.
I'll take it.
Lex, you really made me proud today.
I never would've learned to fly without you, Dad.
No, no, no, no.
That was all you, sweetie.
Well, I should probably be taking off.
- I I don't want to impose.
- Oh, about that.
We talked, and we all decided you should stay a while.
- No one asked me! - Holy "S"! And be a member of the League of Freedom? Well, it's not that easy, honey.
There's a lot of hoops to jump through.
But I can make you an intern.
Unpaid, of course.
Oooh! Rex, I have the results of the paternity test.
No, no, no.
Not necessary, Jewbot.
It doesn't matter what a piece of paper says.
This girl is my daughter.
Yeah, Lex is your child.
Aha! I knew it! I love you, honey.
Excuse me.
I believe that's mine! Ugh! Still using my name, are you? I have more right to the name "Titanium Rex" than you.
That's not what the court said, is it? - I am a T-Rex with titanium arms! - Unhand my beverage.
Decaf skinny vanilla latte for Titanium Rex? Oh.
Never mind.
That one's actually mine.
Tell it to the judge, Robodino! Ah! 1x06 - "Lex" You want some Cooch? Don't get mad, get Brad.
Saturn, please get your feet off the stove.
I just cleaned it.
Oy, my friend, I haven't seen you in synagogue for weeks! Oh, shit.
The Jew thing.
- Cinnamon-raisin? Yuck! - I'll take it.
No, no, no! Come on, now, Jewbot.
Time for your Hebrew lesson.
Yeah, I'm not coming.
I've decided to become a Reform Jew.
That is the easy one, right? Reform? Oh, my heart breaks for you, Jewbot! Moses weeps, Abraham Ooh, is that string cheese? I'm staying for lunch! Ah, the Sunday funnies.
30 pages of artfully rendered American adventure, hilarity, and They're still doing "Prince Valiant"? Jeepers! This sucked in 1937! Got a free skinny vanilla latte if any of you hate yourselves.
No, thanks.
I'm all about this smoothie right now.
Well, I'm glad to see you're taking care of yourself, Brad.
Yeah, I'm trying to stay centered, reconnect with my body, and get a little taste of tranquility.
Mega! Aw, no way! Is this [bleep.]
decaf?! Hragh! - Get a haircut, Valiant! - I did a bad thing, Marjorie! Suck my dick, Winkerbean! - Well, so much for a quiet day at home.
- Excuse me, Rex.
There's a highly attractive young woman at the door for you.
You say that like you're surprised.
I still get groupies, you know.
Some of them are pretty ish.
I rest my case.
I may not even need my boner pills for this one.
What can I do for you, young lady? Oh, uh, sorry to just show up unannounced like this.
I'm Lex.
Lex Lightning! I'm, uh, your daughter.
I'm your daughter.
- But wha - Where'd we land on that boner pill? Get bup, bup, bup, bup.
Get that away! My daughter, you say? Oh, my God! We've even got the same hands! Rex: Organic matter, just like mine.
I can't believe my mom tried to hide you from me all these years.
- She's such a weirdo, right? - Uh, and your mother is who, exactly? Oh, I doubt you remember her.
She said you guys had a one-night bangadoo.
Yep, that's the term she used.
Christina Jones? From Des Moines? Christina Jones! Ye No, I don't remember.
Oh, no.
Doesn't matter.
We're not really on good terms.
I'm just so happy to finally meet you in the flesh.
My real live dad! Oh, I've always wondered about you You idiot! Now you've done it.
Couldn't keep it in your pants, and now you're on the hook for 18 years of back child support.
You're just a genius, aren't you? Well, nowhere to hide now.
Just keep smiling, nodding your head while your life falls apart before your Rex, aren't you gonna introduce us to your smokin'-hot daughter? Who you callin' hot? That hottie? I ain't threatened.
Oh! I'm Lex.
It's so nice to meet you all.
I'm geekin' out.
I'm sorry.
I'm a huge fan! So, which one of us is your favorite? It's me, right? - Well - Sorry, honey, I'm off the market as long as this ring's on my finger.
Yep, off the market.
Well, you're all awesome, okay? Can I just put that out there for the record? Uh, but if I had to pick one, I'd have to go with Cooch.
She's such a total all-around inspiration.
Something smells like bullshit.
Cooch, manners.
That's Rex's bastard child.
My nose is a finely tuned instrument.
This dude ain't cool.
So, Lex, you staying in town? Well, I still need a place to crash.
All: She can stay in my room! No, no, no.
She's not going to stay in any of your rooms.
- She'll bunk with Cooch.
- Yay! - I'd rather lick my own butthole! - You do lick your own butthole.
Well, then, I'd rather lick your butthole.
- That is not happening.
- You can't stay awake forever.
- Cooch, please don't lick my butthole.
- No promises.
Pull up a rug.
What's mine is yours.
You have such great style.
I mean, did you decorate this place yourself or hire a pro? Hire a pro? What a waste of money.
Hey! Get your hands off my pogs! I'm still paying those off! O-M-God.
The Stankk Bros? I lo Oh m Oh, my gosh.
We're the same person! I love musicians! Uh, they're the only guys I'll date.
I'll date anyone that'll bang a humanoid cat.
So, pretty much musicians.
And Brad.
That's what I'm all about a musicians and unicorns.
I can't believe you just got that out of me.
Who are you? You guys hear that? Lex digs musicians.
We've got our in.
I don't know.
The unicorn thing makes me think she's retarded.
Dude, you can't say that anymore.
- What's the currently acceptable term? - "Adorkable.
" Contemplating fatherhood, Rex? I can barely deal with my own crap! I am not cut out to be a dad.
Right? I think that's a fair assumption.
But I-I didn't know Lex existed until today.
At which point you ran away and started drinking.
Oh, you're right.
I'll never know what kind of father I can be until I face my responsibility like a man.
That's big of you, Rex.
Why don't you run her DNA just to make sure? Yeah, I was kind of waiting for that.
Wait.
Are you guys musicians?! Hey, Lex! I didn't see you there! Yeah, we totally have a band.
What, uh What kind of music? - It's good old American ragtime.
- Electronica.
- Death metal.
We're called Razr Dik.
- I did not slaughter 8,000 Krauts so I could wind up in a band called Razr Dik! - I like it.
- Razr Dik it is! Let's all get tattoos.
You like tattoos, Lex? Brad, what the shit?! You flirtin' with that trash? Uh, last I checked, you just wanted to be friends.
So, yeah, I'd like to bang Rex's daughter.
And if not her, someone else's daughter - or son, grandpa.
Dealer's choice.
- Suit yourself.
What are you even talking to me for? See ya! I guess I like music that's raw, savage, dangerous.
- Dangerous like a unicorn? - Ooh, is that one of your songs? Uh-huh.
Yeah.
We were just about to, you know, lay it down.
- What the hell? - Aw, crap! It's her old man! - Oh shit! Jesus! - Run! Lex, may I talk to you a moment? Sure, Daddy.
Wow, that feels weird to say.
Is it weird to you or totally normal? I I don't know exactly how to do this.
I I've never had a kid before.
And I've never had a dad before.
I guess that makes us both newbies.
- So, where do we start? - Well, um, I don't know how to fly.
- Think you could show me how? - Sure! Let's go fly! Oh, wait, yay! Sho Yeah! I'm sorry.
Couldn't pick a word.
Let's just hug a little bit longer.
Still hugging.
And we're done.
O-M-God! This is amazing! Do you think I can learn to do this on my own someday? I don't see why not.
Maybe after this, we can go get pizza, and then later, you can teach me how to hone my superpowers.
We could go to the mall and shop Calm down.
You want this, Rex someone to look after, someone to worry about every time you hear a siren.
You pounded your way across this great nation, and now you have to deal with the consequences.
And you can kiss your weekends goodbye, 'cause that's family time! Dad? Dad! One, two, three, quatro! I'm a wild one, baby I'm a naughty unicorn My hooves are made of kisses And this song is my horn Yeah! Come on, Rex! We're trying to find our sound! - What are you guys doing in here? - What does it look like? - Hey, where's Lex? - Who? Oh, yes.
Lex, of course.
She, well, uh she decided, you know, to to do her own thing, and What did you do, Rex? What did you do? Nothing! Her mom came back, and she was adopted by a rich uncle and she got a job on a fishing boat in Alaska, so no need for me to turn my life upside down and learn to love! Rex, you okay? Ah, pop a squat.
Let's rap for a bit.
Oh, sure.
Let's have an intense talk about my feelings while you're noodling a keytar.
That seems like a great use of my time.
Rex, come quick.
Lex is on the television.
Shocking news today as once-beloved superhero Titanium Rex abandons his illegitimate daughter on a treacherous mountaintop.
What kind of monster abandons his baby? She's what? Oh, she's a grown woman? Well, that's not so bad.
But while some are willing to forgive others are not.
No doubt it's a black eye for the beleaguered League of Freedom, and once again calls Titanium Rex's leadership into question.
I am absolutely gobsmacked! These allegations are sickening and, if true, I'm coming for that deadbeat daddy's ass! You hear me, Rex? I'mma shut your whole operation down! A man doesn't leave his kids, no matter what.
Wait, do I have kids? Uh, this might be a glasshouse situation, guys.
Yep.
Can't leave your kids and can't leave your antique wife.
- Because family comes first.
- Have you no soul, Rex? - So what if he doesn't? - Fine! I'll fix it! It's fine.
Don't worry.
Just a little hypothermia.
And a broken heart.
Man: What would you say to your piece-of-shit father if he was here? Uh, first thought, "You suck as a father.
You're horrible.
" Uh, I don't know.
These are just all first thoughts.
She might say that her dad was just trying to teach his little girl how to fly and made a terrible mistake.
Man: By leaving her on a mountaintop? Like, what kind of parenting is that? The kind before people used words like "parenting.
" That's how I learned.
Oh, then you then you weren't abandoning me? Never! You're my daughter, my baby girl, my heart.
She's my heart, everyone, in case that wasn't clear.
Crowd: Aww! That's the stuff, Rexy.
You got 'em eating out of your hand.
- Why are you so happy? - What? Oh! Now, that's just the look of a proud papa.
And Lex is going to be moving into the mansion permanently.
- Ooh! I am? - I'd like another shot at being your father, Lex.
- If you'll have me.
- Oh, Daddy! - # Dangerous! # - # Hey! Hey! # Like a unicorn! Might accidentally spear you with my giant horn! No! No! Stop playing, guys! This song sucks! Brad, are you coming in on the "der, der, der" part or not? - I was naked out there! - Hey, when do we start doing drugs? Hey, guys.
I'm back.
Great sound.
Would've been better if Brad hadn't muffed the "der, der, der.
" - Did you notice I'm the singer? - Uhp-bup-bup-bup! What are you doing in here? This is a closed rehearsal.
- Who's he? - Shmuley? Uh, he's our new manager.
And you must be the harpy who's got them on this - godforsaken unicorn kick! - Well, I I liked it.
This is how great bands break up! Y You want to make it? It's her or me.
This is going to require a gentle touch.
Let me handle this.
Hey! Sweetheart, hey! Take your band-destroying witchcraft and get out of here! Go back to China, Yoko! Sorry, Lex.
You'll have to leave.
Oh, I No, I I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I was interrupting your creative process.
Ooh, that was rough.
But we can't let some girl get between us and our music.
- Right, guys? - Razr Dik before chicks! Dudes can pleasure each other, and it's fine! Uh, one, two, three, four! You catch the news, Agony? You may have played the media, but you can't play a player.
Sorry, Agony, I couldn't hear you over the sounds of the public eating voraciously out of the palm of my hand.
I'm gon' be watching you! Hey! Lex, how would you like to get out of the house? Wow, that that'd be great.
- I just got blown off by Razr Dik.
- Don't ever tell me what that means.
I was thinking we could do some superheroing together, in public.
Really? Like, now? - Yep.
Just you and me.
- Come here! You can do it, Lex! Just set your mind free.
And when you're ready, let go of my hand.
Okay, I'll try.
And look! A news helicopter.
Might as well smile for the cameras.
Oh! Open your eyes! I'll never be able to fly! I'm such an idiot.
Sure you will.
You've just got to, uh - Believe in myself? - Oh, God, no.
Just keep your eyes open so your impending death kick-starts your ability to fly.
I love hanging out with you, Dad.
Me too, sweetie.
I really do.
We're making some real memories.
You know what would cap this father/daughter day off just right? Defeating a super-villain together.
And I have a pretty good idea where we might find one.
Ooh, ya! That's it! Work it! Ooh, this is total boner food.
Ya! What is the meaning of this?! Well, you can't move units without a kick-ass album cover.
You can't move units without units! You haven't written a single song! We've still got that unicorn ditty in the chamber.
# Der, der, der # You are never recording that unicorn song! It's terrible! Ugh.
We're just not inspired.
We only formed the band to get into Lex's pants.
Well, according to the contract you signed, you owe me a hit single.
Maybe a lawsuit would inspire you.
Lawsuit, you've been warned Lawsuit, like a unicor Oh, God dammit! What doesn't rhyme with "unicorn"? Get me that song, or I'll see you in court! I have taken this bank by force! No one can stop me! Rah, ah! I'm the great Robodi No, can't say it.
God, I hate that stupid name.
Unhand that bank, Robodino! The jig is up.
Oh, no! It's that old superhero and his daughter.
What? No! 'Tis I, Titanium Rex! And his beloved offspring, Lex Lightning! It's showtime, Lex.
Cheat out to the cameras and remember, smile! - Yah! - Stop it! Agh! - Nice form, Lex! - Thanks! Hyah! Hey, not so hard! Take it easy! Sorry, Robodino, my daughter and I never take it easy on evil.
- We had a deal! - Not now! But B But you promised if I made you look good for the cameras, you'd sign over the Titanium Rex name to me! And I will, just not now! Why do you need to look good for the cameras? We Uh, uh, we Ooh, someone inherited my magno-hearing.
Honey, I, uh Holy "S.
" You staged this as a photo op? Lex, honey, i-i-it's complicated.
All I ever wanted was to get to know my dad.
I guess I did.
- Lex - No, you know what? We're done, Rex.
Screw you.
Enjoy that name while you can! Because mark my words, it will be mine.
Lex, uh, please don't go.
I I I think I speak for everyone when I say we want you to stay.
You forgot your toothbrush! Now get the fuck out of here! Lex, I have no excuse for my behavior except my advancing age.
So, wait.
Um, so, you weren't pretending to be a good father just for the cameras? No, I I was pretending, but now that the cameras are off, maybe I can keep pretending.
- That came out wrong.
- I was better off without a father.
Oh, who wants to fly, anyway? Only big dude rude dude, fatty jerks fly.
That's you! I meant every word! Rex really let her down.
Yeah, nothing but crack pipe from here.
Rex's little girl is all grown up.
Unicorns and rainbows fade to black.
All that's left are not unicorns and black rainbows.
Black rainbows You let that sweet girl down Then you left her in the rain You thought he'd bring you presents But all you got was pain You said she was your baby She thought you had her back But some rain jacked up your rainbows And the colors swirled to Black rainbows, black rainbows No sunshine in view You're up there on a precipice There's a, a dinosaur behind you Huh? Now, that's a club banger I can sell! Robodino, this is not a good time.
When is a good time to call back and tell you I've kidnapped your daughter?! If you want to see her alive again, you need to get your ass down to the trademark office and sign over the name Titanium Rex once and for all! Peace! Took you long enough.
I suppose you think my mechanical arm doesn't cramp.
News flash It does.
Now sign over that name! It's all yours.
Haven't you been reading the papers? The only thing Titanium Rex means now is "shitty dad whose daughter hates him.
" I never thought about that.
Shit! You screwed up the name for both of us! Forget it! Deal's off! Nooo! - Huh? - Lex! Open your eyes! Fly, Lex! Fly! That's my daughter right there! I'm flying! I'm really flying! - Hey, Dad, check this out! - Just fly, sweetie! Whoo! I'm a bird! I'm a plane! - I'm a guided missile of hate! - That's my girl! Eat my fist, you prehistoric bitch! So, which one of us gets to kill him? Wait a Whoa, what? Ahh, I'm just kiddin'.
Proud of me, Daddy? Aw, honey, you bet I am.
- Oh, great.
Another selfie.
- No, no, no.
What I want is a picture of my daughter nabbing her first supervillain.
Aw Okay.
- Smile! - Cheese! Wait, can I see it? No, that's a good shot.
Superhero supergroup Razr Dik was resoundingly rejected this week by music fans with their limp power ballad "Black Rainbows.
" Critics called the release a sonic horror show, offensive on every level, especially to rainbows.
Well, guys, the dream is dead.
Razr Dik is no more.
And topping this week's charts, the Orthodox Men's Choir, with their hit "Dangerous Like a Unicorn.
" Son of a bitch.
Well, it looks like you do have a new name, Robodino.
- Prisoner 982.
- I like it.
I'll take it.
Lex, you really made me proud today.
I never would've learned to fly without you, Dad.
No, no, no, no.
That was all you, sweetie.
Well, I should probably be taking off.
- I I don't want to impose.
- Oh, about that.
We talked, and we all decided you should stay a while.
- No one asked me! - Holy "S"! And be a member of the League of Freedom? Well, it's not that easy, honey.
There's a lot of hoops to jump through.
But I can make you an intern.
Unpaid, of course.
Oooh! Rex, I have the results of the paternity test.
No, no, no.
Not necessary, Jewbot.
It doesn't matter what a piece of paper says.
This girl is my daughter.
Yeah, Lex is your child.
Aha! I knew it! I love you, honey.