Supernatural s05e12 Episode Script

Swap Meat

Evening, barkeep.
I would like to purchase some alcohol, please.
Uh-huh.
What can I get you? Well, I'm 26, as you can see from my license.
Congratulations.
What can I get you? A banana daiquiri, my good man.
I'm Crystal.
What's your name? Hi, Crystal.
I'm Gary.
Gary, I don't wanna embarrass you, but you are just You are just a stunning-looking man.
Oh.
I know, right? Ooh.
Thanks.
So, Gary, you having a good time tonight? Mm.
Thank you for asking, Crystal.
This is like the best night ever.
Do you think we could make it any better? Probably, I don't know.
I mean, do you wanna get out of here? Well, I kind of like this bar, and I just ordered this daiquiri.
I mean, do you wanna get out of here with me? Are we talking about sex? Well, I Yeah.
I suppose we are.
Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.
Great.
Then let's go.
- Love that jacket on you, by the way.
Thanks.
Actually, the whole outfit is new.
Dean and Sammy Winchester.
So how long has it been? - Summer before sixth grade.
Mm.
I remember.
You assigned yourself your own reading list.
That's right.
I forgot about that.
Your mom happens to be the best babysitter we ever had.
Well, when I was a maid at the Mayflower, out on the interstate.
Long before you were even an idea.
Their daddy used to pass through town and leave the boys with me while he went off to work.
One time, he was gone for two weeks.
Two weeks? Mm-hm.
Oh, he always came limping back.
He loved you boys.
Do you know what he did all that time? Little Sammy kept trying to tell me.
Of course I didn't believe him.
Not at first, anyway.
Katie, our dad, uh, happened to be an expert at getting rid of ghosts and now so are we.
That's why I called them, sweetie.
They can help us.
Sounds like you guys got a poltergeist.
Started a month or two after we moved in.
Yeah, at first it was, uh, just bumps and knocks and scratches on the walls and then it started breaking things.
And then it attacked Katie? That was two nights ago.
Can you show them, honey? "Murdered child.
" Katie.
Everything's gonna be fine, I promise.
Why don't you guys take yourselves a vacation and, uh, we'll take care of it? - Ah.
Thank you.
Bacon Burger Turbo, large chili-cheese fry uh, and a HealthQuake Salad Shake.
I know, I know.
It's, uh Ahem.
It's not mine.
Oh, you shake it up, baby.
You know, poltergeist aside, Donna looked pretty good.
Dude, don't tell me you still got the hots for our babysitter.
What? No.
That's weird.
I'm just saying that she You know, she's She's doing good.
You know, with her husband and her kid this whole Amityville thing.
They're hanging tough.
Yeah.
You ever think that you'd want something like that? Wife, rug rats, the whole nine? No.
Not really my thing anymore.
Yeah.
What have you got? Uh, well, that house of theirs.
It's old, really old, um, hundreds of years, and I found a legend.
- It's unconfirmed, but still - Saying? Supposedly, in the 1720s house was owned by a guy named Isaiah Pickett.
Legend has it, he hung a woman in his backyard for witchcraft.
Woman named Maggie Briggs.
- Okay, so an angry ghost witch? - If it's true.
- Still doesn't explain "murdered child.
" - No.
Or where the bitch is buried.
You know, I mean, it's a long way back but I can see if I can find something in the town records.
That's worth a shot.
Gary.
The curly fries are up.
So any luck? - Bupkis.
Can't even find proof a woman named Maggie Briggs existed much less where she was planted.
All right.
Well, we got a minute to breathe here, so, uh, let's pick it up first thing.
All right, you bet.
See you in a few.
What? No.
Yeah, this is Collins out on Route 30.
I think we got him.
- Mr.
Frankel? Mr.
Gary Frankel? - Who? - Your family's worried sick about you.
- My My family? My brother called you? Come on, get in before you freeze solid.
Thanks.
Uh - But, uh, where are we? - You're home, son.
- No, no, officer.
I'm not staying here.
Gary.
Oh, my God.
Gary.
- Oh, God.
Gary.
- Oh, hey, hey.
- Are you all right? - Hey, okay, okay, okay.
Oh, my baby.
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- What's going on here? - What do you mean? - Lady, who are you? Young man, are you drunk? - And who are you? Gary? Are you drunk? Answer your father.
My father? Look, I Who is that? Who the hell is that? He's out of his gourd.
Young man, I'm very surprised at you.
Yeah.
Tell me about it.
Oh, yeah.
Bring it.
Holy crap.
Sam.
Where have you been? I've been trying to call you for hours.
I picked up some food.
Bacon Burger Turbo, large chili-cheese fry, right? I'm sorry, man.
Really, I just I lost track of time.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
Thanks.
Don't know why it took you two hours, but thanks.
Oh, you're gonna wanna eat that on the road.
Why? The maid came in, saw that, and now they're all kind of freaking out.
- Why did you let the maid in? - It just happened.
Whatever.
I gotta hit the head, and then we'll take off.
All right.
I'll be outside.
Hey.
You ready? Absolutely.
Hey.
Can I drive? Oh.
This is so sweet.
You wanna get the lead out, Andretti? Come on.
Reverse, reverse.
You It's in reverse.
I am really, really sorry.
Shut up.
This is Dean's other other cell so you must know what to do.
Dean, I've called every phone we got.
Where are you, man? So this is gonna sound crazy, really crazy but, um, I think I'm in the wrong body.
Ha, ha.
Could use a little help here.
I think I got asthma.
Call me back.
Lucky Star Motel.
Hello? Uh, could you please connect me to Room 102? 102? Ah, no, those guys checked out.
Middle of the night.
Wait.
Guys, plural? Yeah.
Uh, one leather jacket, one sasquatch.
They left.
Who are you? Smart kid.
Virgin.
Frustrated virgin.
Witchcraft, huh, Gary? You little satanic bastard.
Gary.
Breakfast.
Leave me alone.
Gary! All right, I'm coming! So, Gary, I'd like to know what happened last night.
Heh.
So would I, believe me.
I mean, what happened with the plan, buddy? - The plan? - SAT's, MIT, the plan.
You wanna be an engineer, you need a full ride.
So tell me, how does getting drunk fit with the plan? Right, yeah, uh, listen, buddy.
No offense, but at the moment, I could give a rat's ass about your plan.
Excuse me? Uh Huh.
Listen, have I seemed, uh, moody lately? Withdrawn? Wow.
Any occult fixations? - What? Let me guess.
I'm amazing at Latin.
- You have an ear for languages.
- Mm.
Uh, any of the neighborhood pets go missing recently? - Are you smoking drugs? - Leonard, he is not smoking drugs.
Have any of you seen me with a book? It'd be big and old, leather-bound.
Maybe some strange writing on it.
Or frankly, I'm probably hiding it.
Gary, no.
- What? - You're allergic to wheat gluten.
Gluten.
- You've seriously sprung a leak.
- What? If Mom and Dad found that creepy old book of yours you'd be grounded for a decade, and you're bringing it up at breakfast? So there is a book.
Sydney, where do I keep it? So, uh, where we going anyway? To work.
The case? Oh, right.
Yeah.
The case.
Of course.
Where, uh, do you wanna start? Well, since you couldn't find where Maggie Briggs was buried now we have to do a tombstone roll, see if we can dig her up.
Wait.
Maggie Briggs.
You mean, like the witch, Maggie Briggs? - Yeah, Sherlock.
- Yeah, she's in the basement.
Come again? What? - What basement? - Isaiah Pickett's house.
Okay, there's this legend that he hung her, but he didn't.
The real truth is, is that she was carrying his illegitimate child and he killed her, and then buried her in the basement.
The murdered child.
That explains the scratches.
How do you know this? Oh, I've done all kinds of research on it.
I mean, you know, last night.
Yeah.
Nice work, I guess.
Oh, man, turn it up.
- Seriously? - Hell, yeah.
You can come back, baby Rock 'n' roll never forgets Dean.
Someone has stolen my body.
The guy right next to you is not me.
Check your frigging voicemail.
Damn it.
Gary? - Are you okay? Yeah, I'm Gary.
Uh Gary is okay.
So we're referring to ourselves in the third person now? We heard about last night.
What happened? Got drunk.
No big thing.
- Look, uh, what's my locker number? - Heh.
What? Are you still drunk? Yeah, yeah.
I see, like, three of you right now.
Um, so, what's my locker number? Oh, no, Gary.
This is a very, very bad book.
Boo-yah.
Master Chief is in the house, biz-atches.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, fine.
Well, I'll be damned.
Willow moss.
Yeah.
Right.
It's, uh, supposed to grow over witches' graves, right? Yeah.
- Hey, man, I'm really sorry about this.
- Sorry about what? Sam! - Are you okay? - Let's get the hell out of here.
Whoa.
We still gotta burn the body, you idiot.
Come on.
Dude, that was sweet.
- Hey, Gary, wait up.
- Where are you going? I got something to do.
You're skipping class.
You? I'm just not feeling like myself, okay? Well, whatever it is, we can talk it out, bro.
- Come with us.
- I don't have time.
I gotta go, I'm sorry.
TREVOR Hey.
Trevor.
- What else was I supposed to do? - Unh.
- Here you go, guys.
- You know, do me a favor, sweetheart.
Would you bring me a cheeseburger with extra bacon? - Fry an egg on top, would you? - Absolutely.
Well, that sounds good.
Ditto.
Be right back with your order.
Okay, who are you and what have you done with Sam? What do you mean? Bacon cheeseburgers now? I don't know.
I eat them, don't I? Anyways, we are celebrating.
Yeah, I guess.
Another one bites the dust.
Nice work today.
You too.
Had a really awesome day, man.
Seriously.
Ooh.
Sweet.
- A really awesome day? - Yeah, why not? It was a random D-list ghost hunt.
That's? That's awesome to you? I can't be in a good mood? Yeah, I guess, just No, actually.
It's not really your style, Sam.
Well, then it's a new me.
I mean, come on, why shouldn't I be happy? I've got a gun, I'm getting drunk, and I look like this.
Ah, I don't know.
You ever feel like your whole future is being decided for you? Uh, yeah, Sam, I feel like that a lot.
No matter how much you fight it, you can't stop the plan.
Stupid, stupid plan.
So I don't know.
I guess it's, uh, just nice to do a little ass kicking for a change, that's all.
Uh, you know what? I I'm drunk.
Ha, ha.
Sorry, just forget it.
No, no, it's all right, it's, uh I'll drink to that.
Wow, you know, is it just me, or are we actually drinking together? We don't do it that often, huh? Yeah, you could say that.
Well, we should.
You're a good guy, Dean.
Oh, you are drunk.
- Here you go.
Mm.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
No, but I mean it.
You really are a good guy.
Mm! The bread alone Mm! - Love that jacket on you, by the way.
Thanks.
Actually, the whole outfit is new.
We're gonna do it.
Hey.
What the hell is going on? You can scream all you want.
No one can hear you.
My parents are out of town.
- Gary.
- T, what up? Where are you? Uh, I can't really tell you right now.
But, man, you wouldn't believe it.
Well, now, where's Dean? Uh, the Cloverleaf on Route 6.
Why? - You mean, you haven't killed him yet? What? Wait, wait, wait.
Uh, what do you mean, kill Dean? - Building up to it.
- Look, Gary, we got problems here.
For one, I'm looking at your body right now with this other dude in it.
- What? - Yeah, he's been in your house.
- He's hanging out with your parents.
- Okay, just calm down.
Whatever he says, no one is gonna believe him, right? I mean, we're still good.
Will you hurry up and kill the son of a bitch? - Don't rush me, I'll do it.
Yeah, you better.
Uh, gotta go.
Oh, man, I am in way over my head.
I don't think he's gonna do it.
Just relax.
This is Gary we're talking about.
What the hell is going on here? How do you know who Dean is? Everybody knows Dean.
He's hell's most wanted.
Oh, no, no.
Have you idiots been talking to demons? Oh, right, we're the idiots.
You're just kids.
You have no idea what you're messing with.
Well, we know that there's a price on Dean's head.
And we're the ones that are gonna collect.
What's that supposed to mean? About a month ago, we were down here - Nora.
- What? We're not allowed to talk about him? We were down here goofing around with that book.
Um, yeah, I wouldn't exactly call praying to our dark overlord goofing around.
- Don't be a loser, Trev.
- Yeah, Trev.
Anyway, all of a sudden, the lights flickered and Gary went into this weird trance.
He closed his eyes, picked up a pencil and drew this.
And you know what's really weird? Gary can't draw.
He said he heard a voice in his head.
The demons were putting out a bounty on this guy.
- A bounty? Yeah.
To, like, every witch or Satanist across the whole country.
But Gary Gary's the one who spotted you.
And the Freaky Friday crap? Another spell from the book.
Gary's idea.
Go in, Trojan-horse style.
He's really smart.
That is, if he has the beanbags to go through with it.
Listen to me.
You are making a terrible mistake.
We're talking about a demon deal, killing somebody.
This isn't a game.
You're crossing a line you won't come back from, believe me.
- What? - Nothing, I Nora, don't tell me you're actually listening to this jerk? I don't know.
- Maybe.
What if he has a point? - I don't believe this.
First, Gary.
Now you? I can't You know what? Fine.
You want something done right? What, you're gonna go kill Dean yourself, tough guy? Don't have to.
I can do this.
No, no, no, you can't be serious.
I'm calling up one of these bad boys turning these punks over and getting paid.
Dollar, dollar bills, y'all.
I really don't think that that's a good idea.
It's not.
It's a very, very bad idea.
No one asked you.
You're not Sam.
Who the hell are you? Ow.
Don't do this.
I'm begging you.
Trevor, I think he's right.
Hey, you wanna get into Vassar, don't you? Please.
Stop.
You're gonna get us all killed.
Maybe I said it wrong.
- Nora? - No, no, no, don't touch her.
Nora, you okay? Oh, yeah.
I'm peachy.
So, what did you call me here for, skippy? Unless It's dinner time? What? Uh No.
We have Dean Winchester.
You do? Where? Trevor, keep your mouth shut.
The Cloverleaf Motel over on Route 6.
Sam? Is that you in there? Well, aren't you just 98 pounds of nothing.
The kid is a moron.
He doesn't have any idea where Dean is.
So if Sam's in this body, who's in Sam's? A dangerous warlock named Gary.
You mean to tell me you've got Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester's meat suit? An empty vessel just waiting to be filled.
And you're handing them both over to me? Uh, yeah, I guess.
Ha, ha.
Well, I gotta hand it to you.
I'm impressed.
Thanks.
Um so if you don't mind my asking there's a reward? Sure.
My undying gratitude.
- What, are you serious? - Be quiet, you idiot.
Consider yourself lucky, kid.
Uh, wait a minute.
We worked our asses off here, and, uh, I want my reward.
Please.
Heh.
Okay.
I'm sorry, you're right.
What can I get you? Well, how about a million bucks? Oh, for God's sake, Trevor, just shut up and run.
A million doesn't buy you much these days.
- Why not make it 10? - Okay, 10 mil.
And I want I want Mindy Schwartz to fall in love with me.
Love, money.
Sticking to the basics.
I can respect that.
But here's my counter.
Yum.
Tastes like moron.
You have 38 messages.
This is gonna sound crazy, really crazy but I think, uh, I'm in the wrong body.
Ha, ha.
Dean, the guy right next to you is not me.
Dean, check your frigging voicemail.
Damn it.
Start talking or I start waterboarding.
Oh, my God.
Please don't hurt me, please.
I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
Okay.
Hey, pull it together, champ.
I don't wanna die.
I don't wanna die.
Where's Sam? In my friend's basement.
His parents are out of town.
Parents? How old are you? - I'm 17.
- Seventeen? Huh.
Nora? Not at the moment.
Phew! Damn it.
Boy, you earned your dessert tonight, kiddo.
Tell me, what is it you want? - Anything.
- Anything? Lay it on me.
I wanna be a witch.
For real and really powerful.
Hmm.
Good choice.
I get it.
No daddy, no MIT, no plan.
You get to be big and strong and no one can tell you what to do anymore.
There's just one small formality first.
You gotta meet the boss.
The boss? You know, your satanic majesty or whatever the kids are calling it these days.
- The devil? - Mm.
Uh No, okay.
Um It's okay.
I don't really wanna bother him.
Oh, but he's gonna wanna meet you.
Relax, it'll be easy.
He's just gonna ask you one little question and all you gotta do is say yes.
And then you get your reward.
- What was that? - Uh, nothing.
Were you trying to exorcise me, you little piece of crap? Adios, bitch.
Uh, it's audi nos.
- So we good? - Yeah, we're good.
Oh, man, it's nice to be back.
Yeah, awesome.
- So, ahem, Gary - Yeah, I know.
My bad.
My bad? Kid, "my bad" ain't gonna cut it.
See, if you were of voting age you'd be dead, because we would kill you.
So either you straighten up and fly right, or we will kill you.
Are we clear? - Crystal.
- Good.
Crap.
Gary, take it from someone who knows.
Chin up, man.
Your life ain't that bad.
Uh, you met my parents.
Yeah, so what? It's your life.
You don't like their plan for you, tell them to cram it.
Rebel a little bit.
In a healthy non-satanic way, of course.
By the way, you know why Nora's into witchcraft? - What do you mean? - She doesn't like Satan, you moron.
She likes you.
Really? You think? Yeah, I know.
I'm telling you, kid, I wish I had your life.
You do? Thanks.
Get on out of here.
That was a nice thing to say.
Totally lied.
Kid's life sucked ass.
All that apple pie, family crap? It's stressful.
Trust me, we didn't miss a damn thing.
Or we don't know what we're missing.
Oh, come on, man.
Turn it down.
Welcome back, Kotter.
Come back, baby Rock 'n' roll never forgets