Supernatural s06e04 Episode Script

Weekend at Bobby's

Name's Crowley.
You're Crowley? I see you have heard of me.
I can give you anything you want, mate.
All I need is My soul.
You sold your soul? Oh, more like pawned it.
I fully intend to give it back.
Well, then give it back! I can't.
Can't or won't? I won't, all right? It's insurance.
Bobby: Rufus Turner.
He's a hunter.
One of your old friends? Friend? He's not the christmas-card type.
Gentlemen.
I'm Sheriff Jody Mills.
I don't believe we've had the pleasure.
Agent Willis speaking.
Bobby? Oh So you know Bobby Singer? Dean: Bobby, I thought the Sheriff hated you? She did till five days ago.
What happened five days ago? The dead started rising all over town.
Bobby, you just gonna sit there? No, I'm gonna Riverdance.
Really wasted that crossroads deal.
Son of a bitch.
Hello -- king of the crossroads.
Are you okay? [ Chuckling .]
Yeah, I'm great.
'Cause there's been a few times that you got me wondering.
Something's different with you.
I'm okay.
You went to hell, Sam.
Phil: Yesterday, this Galveston shoreline was being pounded by 10-foot swells and winds up to 150 miles per hour.
But today, well, there's not a cloud in sight.
Hurricane Tiffany has broken up over the Gulf, and our 5-day forecast calls for nothing [ Bobby groaning .]
But sun and clear skies.
I guess somebody up there likes us.
Female reporter: Thank you, Phil Et ad congregandum Eos coram me.
[ Sizzling .]
[ Television continues indistinctly .]
Been making merry, have we? Bite me.
If that's your thing.
[ Television shuts off .]
That swan dive of Sam's was a thing of beauty.
Tens all the way 'round, standing "o" from the Romanian judge.
You should be proud, Bobby.
As deaths go, it wasn't too shabby.
Cheer up, mate! We just saved the sodding world together.
Me? I've been celebrating.
I hate to see what you call "celebrating.
" Yes, you would.
Drink? No.
Let me get this straight.
We just [As Crowley.]
"Saved the sodding world together," [normal voice.]
And you're too good to drink with me? Obviously.
And I doubt that you have my brand.
What's your poison, your highness? Craig, aged 30 years, at least.
Been drinking it since grade school.
Well I got old rotgut Aged six days.
Swill like that is gonna burn a hole in your soul.
Oh, sorry -- my soul.
But that's why you called -- our littleDeal? Yeah, well It's about time you hold up your end and give it back.
Give it back? Our deal was We ice Lucifer, you rip up the lease.
Oh.
You didn't read your contract.
The hell you talking about, contract? [ Inhales sharply .]
Paragraph 18, subsection "b," which is on your naughty bits -- I only have to make "best efforts" to give you back your soul.
Meaning what? Meaning I'd like to [ Exhales sharply .]
But I can't.
You lying sack of -- You come to daddy.
Till then, I suggest you start drinking the good stuff.
I figured you'd say that.
So you can rot here until you change your mind.
Why? 'Cause you asked nicely? No.
'Cause I'm going "Dateline" on your ass.
I hope that's paint.
Really? What am I going to do? [ Whistles .]
[ Hellhound growls .]
Doggy breath.
Bracing, isn't it? [ Growling continues .]
Ball's in your court, Robert.
Or 10 years as Alpo.
[ Growling continues .]
[ Breathing heavily .]
This ain't over.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Happy hunting.
No emf.
Find anything in there? Dean: Yeah, I got something.
What in the hell has a claw like that? That is a good question.
[ Telephone ringing .]
Maybe he's in the can.
[ Ringing continues .]
Yeah? What happened, you fall and can't get up? Hilarious.
What's up? We're in Wisconsin.
Six bodies, chests cracked wide open.
No emf, no sulfur, no hex bags.
We did find this, though.
Hang on.
[ Beep .]
All right, check your wang.
That's a new one.
Yeah, we need an I.
D.
asap.
This thing's on a rampage.
Call as soon as you dig something up.
Dean, I'm a little busy.
Well, then kick Bo Derek out of your bathtub.
We got a case here.
I'll call you back.
[ Intro to Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler" plays .]
On a warm summer's evening [ Sighs .]
On a train bound for nowhere balls.
I met up with a gambler we were both too tired to sleep so we took turns a-starin' out the window at the darkness till boredom overtook us and he began to speak he said, "son, I've made a life "out of readin' people's faces "and knowin' what the cards were" [ Grunts .]
"By the way they held their eyes" balls! "So if you don't mind my sayin'" [ Engine sputtering .]
"I can see you're out of aces" come on! "For a taste of your whiskey" come on! "I'll give you some advice" [ Sighs .]
Balls! "you got to know when to hold 'em "know when to fold 'em "know when to walk away "and know when to run "you never count your money "when you're sittin' at the table "there'll be time enough for countin' "when the dealing's done you got to know when to hold 'em" when to hold 'em "know when to fold 'em" when to fold 'em "know when to walk away "and know when to run "you never count your money when you're sittin' at the table" You're hunting a Lamia.
Come again? It's a monster.
Juices hearts, chugs the blood.
[ sighs .]
Never heard of one popping up outside of Greece, though.
Yeah, well, looks like this freak has immigrated.
It's snacking on cheese-heads.
How do we gank it? [ Yawns .]
There's a couple of ways.
Easiest is a silver knife blessed by a padre.
Gotcha.
[ beep .]
[ Dial tone .]
You're welcome.
[ Beep .]
Woman: Hey! I'm still here! [ sighs .]
Hey, there, cran.
You were gone so long, I just assumed alcoholic coma.
Where were we? Your soul.
Right.
Talk.
Look at you -- all in a rush.
Foreplay Gets you more play.
I want Crowley's name -- his real name, back when he was flesh and blood.
Does tying demons up in your basement make you feel better about that time you killed your wife? What's that? You don't recognize them? They're yours.
[ Thudding .]
It won't work.
It's a myth.
Then you got nothing to worry about.
[ Gasps .]
I can't! [ gasping .]
[ Breathing heavily .]
You don't know what he'll do to me.
- Right now, you better worry about me.
- You don't get it.
He's the king.
[ Groans .]
King of the crossroads -- I've heard the speech.
No.
King of hell.
[ Doorbell rings .]
[ Inhales deeply .]
[ Blows .]
[ Doorbell rings .]
You gonna get that or what? [ Doorbell rings .]
Marcy.
Bobby Singer, how long have we been neighbors? Six months.
Well, don't you think it's time you welcomed me to the neighborhood? My famous ginger-peach cobbler.
Take a whiff.
Seriously, I'm a genius.
[ Sniffs .]
Demon: Help me! Somebody help me! It's, um Stupid horror flicks.
Guilty pleasure.
I love scary movies.
Hey, have you seen "Drag Me to Hell"? Trying to avoid it.
But it's fantastic.
Saturday, 7:00, my house.
I'll fix you dinner, and I'll whip up a batch of my famous white-chocolate popcorn, and we'll watch it.
Deal? That sounds super, Marcy, but, uh Okay, no worries.
Um, hey, one other thing -- uh, my wood chipper -- it's a piece of crap.
You know, it just broke down on me, and -- and I hear that you're quite handy.
Maybe you could come over andTake a look -- you know, just whenever.
Yeah, I'll see what I can do.
Okay.
[ Inhales deeply .]
[ Chuckles .]
Okay.
[ Chuckles .]
Okay, see you soon.
Demon: Aw! She sounds sweet.
Are you gonna make sweet love to her before you stab her to death, Bobby? That is your usual thing, right? [ Groaning .]
I want Crowley's name now! [ Groaning .]
Crowley's name! Okay! Okay.
Macleod.
Fergus Macleod.
I swear.
We call him lucky the leprechaun behind his back.
Macleod's Scottish, Einstein.
You got what you want.
Now send me back -- no.
We had a deal! Gave it my best effort.
No! [ Groaning .]
[ Blows .]
Yeah, Garth, what do you got? I've never heard of a vamp doing that.
Doesn't sound like our kind of thing.
Better drop a dime to the FBI.
[ Telephone rings .]
Willis.
FBI.
No, Garth, not me, the FBI.
The real FBI.
How are you still alive? [ Telephone rings .]
You got Castle.
[ Telephone rings .]
Yeah.
Yeah.
Willis.
[ telephone rings .]
Uh-huh.
Of course she's one of ours.
And if she says she's got to dig that grave up, you better damn well let her.
[ Telephone rings .]
Mm.
[ telephone rings .]
[ Pounding on door .]
Oh, good, you're home.
Listen, you got to help me bury a body.
Bobby: Why'd you bring it here? The law is on my tail.
What was your guess? What? What? What? They got lucky.
Yeah, or you're getting slow.
I'm getting slow.
Yeah, says Mr.
"sits on his ass all day taking calls.
" [ Breathing heavily .]
Vamp? Shifter? What? None of the above.
Okami? Where'd you shiv it? Get this -- billings.
Only time I ever saw one of these was in Japan.
Duh -- no one's ever seen one of these except in Japan.
For what it's worth, Sam and Dean are tracking a Lamia in Wisconsin.
Get out.
I thought they never leave Greece.
Monsters lately -- is it me, or is it weird? Yeah, well, it's Definitely something.
So, you got a shovel? Man! I know what I want for Hanukkah.
So, the son of a bitch's name is Fergus Macleod? That's the son of a bitch's name.
Where you gonna look? Scotland.
Crowley let slip that he likes Craig.
It's, um It's scotch.
Only made and sold in a tiny area on the north tip of CaithnessCcounty.
It's peaty and sharp with a long finish of citrus and tobacco notes.
Hey, what? What am I, a heathen? I know what Craig is.
Well, I got a hunch that that's where Crowley lived and died, back when he was a human -- a few hundred years before he got the big squeeze in hell and came out a demon.
You know, I got contacts over there.
I can make a few calls.
I ain't asking for no help.
I'm not asking your your permission.
[ Telephone ringing .]
Yeah.
What's another way to kill a Lamia? Well, what happened to the silver knife blessed by a priest? That didn't pan out.
What's plan "b"? [ Grunts .]
[ Lamia growling .]
[ Knocking on door .]
Adams: Police! Balls! Come on, Bobby.
Get the lead out.
Where are you? The church -- in a rectory.
Is there a kitchen? Yeah.
Find salt and rosemary.
Open up, Singer! Mr.
Singer, I'm Agent Adams.
I believe you know Sheriff Mills.
[ Lamia growls .]
Come on.
My mom.
Just a second.
Rosemary! I got it! Great, great.
Now blend the herbs, sauté over a high heat.
Cook well.
[ Lamia growling .]
Sammy! Fire in the hole! [ Lamia groaning .]
Okay, great, great.
Enjoy the roast, mom.
Have you seen this man? Rufus Turner, aka Luther Vandross, aka Ruben Studdard? No.
Never seen that dick.
How you know he's a dick? Lucky guess.
Funny.
'Cause I got a couple guys working the highway, said they saw him pull in here, carrying a body.
Well, that's ridiculous.
Look, it's a work day.
I got to -- we just want to take a look around.
You got a warrant, Sonny? Well, do I need oneSir? Okay, fellas, put the rulers away.
Zip up.
Look, Bobby here's kind of a Crank.
And he ain't what you call a fan of Big Brother.
But me and him -- how long I been arresting you now, 10 years? Thereabouts.
Yeah, we got a history.
So, what do you say you just let me scope the place out? That okay? You can just wait outside.
Five minutes.
Great.
Why'd you send him outside? 'Cause I didn't think you'd want him in here.
I don't.
I've got a body in the basement.
My point.
Yeah, but I've got another body buried in the yard.
[ Sighs .]
Damn it.
He's not there.
Balls.
Mr.
Singer, come with me please.
You mind explaining this? What, you never had a septic tank explode on you? I got it pretty well cleaned up, but watch where you step.
Get back here.
Get back -- I'm two states over, Bobby.
I can't -- the okami ain't dead.
Of course it is.
Did you use a bamboo dagger? Yeah.
Blessed by a shinto priest? I'm not an imbecile, Bobby.
Did you stab it seven times? Five times.
It's seven.
No, I'm pretty sure it's five.
Well, clearly it's seven times.
The damn hole is empty.
What was it feeding on when you found it? Single, white females While they slept.
[ Dog barking in distance .]
Aah! Bobby? Where's your bedroom? Bobby, I am trying to keep my cool here.
What are you doing in my house with a shotgun? Have you see anything Weird? You mean besides you? [ Gasps .]
[ Gasps .]
[ Whimpers .]
[ Grunts .]
[ Grunts .]
[ Grunting .]
[ Both grunting .]
[ Wood chipper whirring .]
Bobby! No! Look out! [ Both grunting .]
[ Wood chipper shuts off .]
[ Panting .]
I, uh I thought your chipper was broke.
[ Breathing raggedly .]
I just said that to get you over here.
Oh.
Well I guess I could come over for dinner some night.
Might be fun.
I don't think so.
Story of my life.
Your still alive, huh? Don't act so surprised.
How about Godzilla? Put her down.
So, you just happened to have a bamboo dagger blessed by a Shinto priest laying around? Wood chipper.
Oh, okeydokey.
Wood chipper.
That -- that pretty much trumpsEverything.
Listen, uh, Bobby, um Thank you.
I screwed up.
Forget it.
I figure I still owe you more than you owe me.
All righty.
Then add one more thing to the list.
I got a lead on your boy Crowley -- aka Fergus Rodric Macleod, born in Canisbay, Scotland -- Great.
I don't know what that's gonna get me.
All right, well, then, behind door number two, Bob Crowley had a son.
Did he, now? Yeah, name of Gavin.
Moved across the pond after his parents bit it and captained a trading ship that went down in Massachusetts in 1723.
A couple of Cousteau wannabes found the wreck about 30 years ago.
They fish out his bones? No, no.
They did find his signet ring, though.
It's part of the "Treasures From the Deep" exhibit at the Maritime Museum in Andover.
I need that ring.
Ooh! Oh, are you, um -- you asking for my help, Bob? Bobby? I'm asking for a ring.
AndI'd appreciate your Help getting it.
[ Chuckles .]
I'm way ahead of you, brother.
I'm headed for Andover now.
I should be there around midnight.
You're, um You're thinking hostage exchange, aren't you? I mean, get the ring, you can summon junior's ghost.
Get the ghost, you can swap Crowley his son for your soul.
Something like that.
[ Inhales sharply .]
Let's hope that works out.
[ Sighs .]
[ Telephone rings .]
Dean, you all right? Yeah.
Yeah, the Lamia grilled up fine.
I sense a "but" coming on.
It's Sam, Bobby.
He's just -- he's different.
You know, and I get it.
You go through something like that, and -- and you change.
But Something's not right to me.
[ Beep .]
Dean -- I've got a few questions about that year -- when you saw him and I didn't.
Dean, I got another call.
You what? Just hang on.
I got to take this.
It's important.
More important than Sam? [ Beep .]
Bobby? Rufus? [ siren wailing .]
The good news is I snagged the ring, Bobby.
However -- tell me that ain't -- yeah, yeah, yeah.
Three guesses, and one of 'em -- it ain't the paramedics.
Listen, Bobby, I-I got to stash this ring.
But don't swallow it.
Right.
I'm swallowing it, Bobby.
Don't swallow it.
[ gulps .]
[ Slurps .]
Ahh! Damn it.
Aw, hell! Police officer: Get on the ground! Out of the car! I know my rights, damn it! [ police shouting indistinctly .]
That is unnecessary force.
[ beep .]
[ Beep .]
You still there, Dean? Bobby, what the hell? I-I'm sorry.
You know, you are the one person that I can talk to about this stuff -- about -- about Sam, about leaving Lisa and Ben.
I mean, I don't -- I don't even know which way is up right now.
Bobby? Hello? I-I hear you, son.
I-it just ain't a good time.
Yeah, okay.
You know what? Forget it.
I mean, I'm baring my soul like a freaking girl here, and, uh -- and you've got stuff to do.
Well, that is -- that's fine.
That's fine, but seriously, though -- a little selfish.
Not all about you.
Where's your brother? Outside.
Get him.
You're on speaker, Bobby.
Sam? Dean? I love you like my own.
I do.
But sometimes Sometimes, you two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met.
I'm selfish? Me? I do everything for you -- everything! You need some lore scrounged up? You need your asses pulled out of the fire? You need someone to bitch to about each other? You call me, and I come through -- everyDamnTime.
And what do I get for it? Jack with a side of squat! Bobby -- do I sound like I'm done? Now, look, I know you've got issues.
God knows I know.
But I got a news flash for you.
You ain't the center of the universe.
Now, it may have slipped your mind that Crowley owns my soul and the meter is running! And I will be damned if I am gonna sit around and -- and be damned! So, how about you two sack up and help me for once?! Bobby, all -- all you got to do is ask.
Anything you need, we're there.
Hey! [ Engine shuts off .]
Got a call from Marcy Ward.
Seems she had a little home invasion.
Told her I'd look into it.
Didn't bother filing a report.
Thanks.
Need a favor.
Luther Vandross turn up? Tell him I'm a fan.
His real name's Rufus Turner.
He's being held in Andover, Mass.
, on a burglary charge.
Need you to get him extradited here.
Extradited for what? Murder.
[ Laughs .]
You're not joking.
Do you have any idea what it takes to extradite a prisoner? I'd need a court order, permission from the D.
A.
I-I would have to call in every marker I got and hand out a few to boot.
So, you're saying there's a chance.
And if by some miracle we can get him here, then what? Then your pal's here on a murder charge.
How you gonna to get him out from under that one? Let me handle the "b" side.
[ Laughs .]
I like you, Bobby.
But this could nuke my career.
[ Sighs .]
Look, I've done a lot for this town -- some you know about, some you don't.
And I'm not real good at this whole "asking for help" thing, but I'm sorry, Bobby.
I can't.
[ Sighs .]
[ Knock on door .]
Miss me? [ Chuckles .]
How did you -- don't ask.
You got one hour, and then I call the Feds and tell them he busted out.
Thanks.
I lose my job over this, I am taking it out of your ass.
Tell me the ring is still in your stomach.
[ Grunts .]
I'll go boil some water.
What? Bobby: Amate spiritus obscure Te quaerimus.
Oramus nobiscum colloquere Apud nos circita.
Gavin Macleod? [ Scottish accent .]
Is Is this hell? That's gonna depend on you.
Are you Fergus Macleod's boy? You and me Are gonna have a nice, long chat.
[ Grunts .]
Well, you look like hammered crap.
And you're a vision, as always.
Don't we both know how this game ends? Really, Bobby You got to know when to fold 'em.
Word on the street is that ever since Lucifer went to the pokey, you're the big kahuna downstairs.
I see you've been reading the trades.
Trouble in paradise? Mate, you have no idea.
I thought That when I got the corner office -- I thought it was all gonna be Rainbows and 2-headed puppies.
But if I'm being honest It's been hell.
Thought that was the point.
You know what the problem with demons is? They're demons? Exactly.
Evil, lying prats, the whole lot of them.
And stupid.
Try to show them a-a new way -- a better way -- and what do you get? Bugger all! You know, there's days that I think Lucifer's whole "spike anything with black eyes" plan wasn't half bad.
[ Chuckles .]
Feels good to get that off my chest.
We should make this a thing.
Do I look like Dr.
Phil to you? A little.
Anyhoo Obviously not here for a social call, so on with it.
I want -- ah.
I'll save you the recap.
In fact, I'll do the shorthand for you.
[ Imitating Bobby .]
I want my soul back, idjit! [ Normal voice .]
Afraid not.
[ Imitating Bobby .]
But I'm surly, and I got a beard! Gimme! [ Normal voice .]
Blah, blah, blah, homespun cornpone insult, witty retort from yours truly.
The bottom line is You get bubkes.
Are we done? Just getting started.
[ Gasps .]
Gavin? Is that you? I-it's -- it's been so long.
I love you so -- [ laughs .]
Sorry.
Your soul for my boy -- that's it, right? I got to give you credit for thinking outside the box on that one, but problem is, I loathe the little bastard.
You want to torture him? Just let me pull up a chair, and I'll watch.
Hell, burn his bones, send him down to me.
We can have a family reunion.
That's right, son? You picked the wrong bargaining chip this time, my friend.
He ain't a chip.
I was just using him to dig up dirt on you.
And since Gavin hates you maybe even more than you hate him, he was more than happy to squawk.
What did you tell him, son? Everything.
I know it all now Fergus.
Now, you may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life, you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra Just trying to hit double digits.
So You got a glimpse behind the curtain.
And? And Now I know where you're planted.
Dean: Hiya, Crowley.
Dean.
It's been a long time.
We should get together.
Sure.
We'll have to do that when I get back.
Back? Yeah.
Me and Sam -- we've gone international.
In fact, we're in your neck of the woods.
Did you really used to wear a skirt? A kilt.
I had very athletic calves.
What's the game? Dominoes.
In fact, we just dug yours up.
This is ridiculous.
The whole burning-bones thing -- I-it's a myth.
I know an employee of yours who'd disagree.
What's that? You don't recognize 'em? They're yours.
[ Groaning .]
That's where she got to.
You demons.
You think you're something special, but you're just spirits -- twisted, perverted, evil spirits, but end of the day, you're nothing but ghosts with an ego.
We torch your bones, you go up in flames.
[ Lighter clicks .]
You hear that, Crowley? That's me flicking my bic for you.
Your bones for my soul.
Going once.
[ Lighter clicking .]
Going twice.
[ Telephone clatters .]
Bollocks! [ Inhales sharply .]
You can go ahead and leave in the part about my legs.
Pleasure doing business with you.
Now, if you don't mind I believe those are mine.
You know, now that I think about it, maybe I'll just [ lighter clicks .]
Napalm your ass anyhow.
Dean He's a Dick But a deal's a deal.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose.
Get bent.
Now, if you'll excuse me I have a little hell to raise.
I appreciate you boys lending a hand Hey, anytime we get to punk Crowley works for us.
Yeah.
Still, knowing how much you love flying the friendly skies, I guess a 9-hour plane trip was no picnic.
What'd you do, drink your way through it? I was fine.
No, he white-knuckled his way through four puke bags.
Well, at least I was sober.
Some nutjob decided to try something, I was ready.
I had a fork.
[ Chuckles .]
Listen, um About the things I said earlier I was in a tough spot, and I-I guess I was -- you were right, Bobby.
We take you for granted.
You've been cleaning up our messes for years, Bobby.
Without you, I don't even want to think about where me and Sam would have ended up.
Okay, then.
Let's roll credits on this chick flick.
You boys have a safe flight.
And, uh, try some of the local grub.
I hear it'sExotic.
Oh, yeah, no, definitely, we are.
I hear they have an olive garden.
[ Sighs .]
[ Horn honks .]
[ Sighs .]
[ Sighs .]
[ Telephone ringing .]
Willis.
Yeah, he is.
One of our best agents, in fact.