Supernatural s08e02 Episode Script

What's Up, Tiger Mommy?

Where's the road? You're freakin' alive.
What the hell happened? Standing too close to exploding Dick sends your ass straight to Purgatory.
You were in Purgatory? Well, how'd you get out? What, no thanks for saving your hide? I got something you need.
- Yeah, what's that? - A way out.
What's in it for you? I'm hopping a ride.
We made it, brother.
I can't believe it.
You and me both.
What about Cass? Was he there? Yeah, Cass didn't make it.
Cass, I think we better g-- Cass? So Cass is dead? You saw him die? I saw enough.
I don't want to be a prophet.
He was our responsibility.
And you didn't answer the damn phone.
Let's find him.
The King of Hell just snapped my girlfriend's neck.
Crowley kidnapped you.
I saw that.
Then you escaped.
How? It was a tablet.
There's another tablet? Did this tablet have a name? "Demons.
" What about demons? Banish all demons off the face of the Earth, lock them away forever.
So sorry to have kept you waiting, Mr.
Vili.
It's justit's been so long since you checked in with us.
We had to dig through our archives.
Don't worry about me, dear.
I've got plenty of time.
Which box is it again? One.
I'msorry.
Did you say one, as in box number one? If memory serves.
During our last renovation, we had to replace the safe boxes, and we put yours inside a new one.
Ah I'msorry, sir, butis that a bone? Not just any bone, my dear.
An extremely valuable one.
Well, I'm happy we were able to keep it safe for you all these years.
Hmm.
Is there anything else I can help you with today? Why, yes, now that I think about it.
I'd like to make a withdrawal.
Are you kidding me? You're kidding me.
What? Is it too much to ask if we can swing by and check on my mom? "Swing by"? It's a day's drive in the opposite direction.
You know that, right? Yes.
I understand we're in a hurry.
Okay, well, then, what's the problem? Channing's broken neck is my problem! As in I'd rather not see my mom twisted into a corkscrew.
- Kid's got a point, Dean.
- Stay out of this.
Kevin, your mom is fine.
How can you possibly know that? Because Crowley needs her to be, okay? In fact, he's probably got the place stacked with bodyguards right now, protecting her so that when you do show up, they'll pounce on you both.
Is that supposed to make me feel better? She's bait, man, plain and simple.
And you want to swim right up and bite the hook? Look, we have got Crowley by the short and curlies, okay? All we need to do is find the tablet, whip up the spell, and -- boom! -- Sunshine and Sandy beaches.
Dean, my mom's all alone.
She's surrounded by demons.
Can you really not understand why I want to make sure she's okay? Son of a bitch.
Fine.
Let's go.
Tiger mom, 9:00.
Where? Left window.
She seems okay.
Sadbut okay.
Check out the mailman.
Yeah, that's Carl.
So what? Yeah, well, Carl's filled your mom's mailbox three times since we've been sitting here.
He's a demon? And see the gardener? Think that plant needs any more water? He'll be back.
You just have to believe.
Thanks, Eunis.
And I do believe.
I just wish I could do more.
Linda, you're doing all you should by staying here.
He needs to know he has a home to come back to.
Hi, Mom.
Oh! Kev-- Kevin! Ah -- oh! Oh! What She's clean.
Do you smell that? Et secta diabolica, omnis congregatio, omnis legio, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis spiritus exorcizamus! Aah! Eunis! That's not Eunis.
Mrs.
Tran, your friend was possessed by a demon.
Have you ever seen "The Exorcist"? Is that what you've been doing all year -- watching television? Did you really have to kill her? The demon would have warned Crowley where Kevin was if we didn't.
And Crowley is the one who kidnapped you? Yeah.
He needs me to translate his stupid tablet so he can take over the universe or something.
Which is why we need to get it so that we can slam the gates of Hell forever with Crowley inside.
So that things like that don't ever happen again.
Prophet of the Lord, huh? It does have a nice ring to it.
I'll get packed.
We're gonna need a safe house since Crowley's been to the cabin, so -- Safe house? I thought we were going to get the tablet.
Uh, we are.
You're taking a trip to a demon-free zone.
And risk letting Kevin fall into the hands of this Crowley again? I don't think so.
Ms.
Tran, all due respect, Dean's right.
Crowley -- he's not just a killer.
He trades in torment.
And if he can find a way to separate your soul from you, he'll take that soul to hell and -- and roast it till there's nothing left but black smoke.
Look, it's best if you let us handle this.
I understand.
But it's not my soul I'm worried about.
It's my son's.
Kevin, you want to back us up here? Came all the way down here to pull her out of the fire.
Now she wants to jump right back in.
Like I can tell her what to do? All right.
Coming with us has conditions -- uh, hex bags to stay off the bad guys' radar and, uh, you're gonna have to get inked up.
Do what, now? Yeah, uh you, too, shortstop.
Keeps the demons out.
Fine.
Really? What, like it's my first tattoo? [ The Reverend Horton Heat's "The Devil's Chasing Me" plays ] black clouds in the east the devil's chasing me You smell it, Sammy? Burning flesh? Revenge.
So close.
Hey, how'd you do that reverse-exorcism thing? Just said the verse backwards.
The devil's chasing me So, place is clean, far as I can tell.
All right.
Positive thoughts.
You hid the word of God in a diaper bag? No.
Shut up.
Been nothing but trouble with these lockers.
Got broke into damn near every day for a while.
Could never figure out who it was till yesterday.
Oh, so you know who did it? Sure.
Was Clem Smedley, a guy who worked the desk before me.
Please tell me he's down at county right now.
Yep, waiting for arraignment.
Thanks.
Should have known they'd plant a LoJack in one of them bags.
Sharp guy, that Jerry.
He'll be a fine replacement for me.
Right.
Well, in one of those lockers, there was a tablet.
Do you know where it is? Can I even acknowledge that without my lawyer here? Uh, look, I'm sure we can work out a little, uh, something-something with the locals if you just cooperate.
What kind of something-something? I don't think he knows, man.
Leniency? Oh, he knows.
Where's the angel? So, here's what I'm thinking -- full immunity from all charges, both past, present, and future.
Hey.
Dean.
Come on.
You feel that? There's a stream.
Go on.
It runs through a clearing not far from here.
I'll show you.
How about you just tell me? Hey.
Dean! Pawn shop, First and Main.
Go on.
Three days' journey.
Follow the stream.
There's a clearing.
You'll find your angel there.
You know what, Mutt? I believe you.
Dean? Come on.
Whoa.
Hey.
Hello, sir.
Agents Neil and Sixx, FBI.
Uh, we're looking for a tablet.
About, uh, yea big, got some hieroglyphic crap on it.
Sold to you by a thief named Clem.
- Ring a bell? - Nope.
Hey, Lyle, I've had a really, really bad day today, so I'm not in the mood to dillydally.
If you want to do this the rough way, I am happy to oblige.
Sure.
We can do it that way, if you want to get famous.
That your car outside? What's it to you, mail-order? Hey, pal! I got it.
I notice you're driving with expired tags, maybe because you just acquired it in a trade, and I'm guessing that means you haven't registered it yet, which means you haven't paid the tax.
Is that correct? None of your business.
Kevin, average blue book on a 2010 Ferrari F430 Spider? $217,000.
And the 5% Wyoming tax? $10,850.
$10,000.
Something tells me you're the type who might balk at a tax bill that big.
W-what is this, an FBI audit? No.
But my brother, who happens to work for the Wyoming tax assessor's office could arrange that if he thought something untoward was happening here.
So what's it going to be -- the tablet or that piece of eurotrash crap you call a car? Sure this is the right place? It's what the pawn slip says.
Kevin? Who wants to know? Oh, relax, Dean.
I'm not going to steal your Prophet.
Ah.
And you must be Kevin's mother.
UmBeau.
And it is my absolute pleasure.
And, um, Kevin.
Imagine my luck.
Here I was, working so hard looking for you that I never stopped to think you might be looking for me.
I have something for you.
What is it? An invitation, dear man, to a very exclusive auction.
Let me guess -- where you'll be selling the tablet? Well, when we acquire an item as hot as the word of God, it's smart to unload it as fast as possible.
And we are in such desperate need of a headliner for tonight's gala.
Well, I hope you have three extra tickets to your little eBay party, 'cause the Prophet's with us.
Oh, if you're worried about the safety of the Prophet, rest assured that we have a strict "no casting, no cursing, "no supernaturally flicking the two of you against the wall just for the fun of it" policy.
Is that right? How'd you manage that? Well, I am the right hand of a God, after all -- Plutus, specifically.
Is that even a planet anymore? It's the God of greed.
And my liege has warded these premises against hell, heaven, and beyond -- quite necessary with some of the players we see.
And incidentally, quite possibly the safest place your precious Prophet could be.
Mm.
Well, since time is of the essence, perhaps I'll just go ahead and add a plus-three to the Prophet's invitation.
Copacetic? Well, thank you, Mr.
Peanut! All right.
What do we have to bid? What? We can't just show up there empty-handed.
Dean, all we have to our names is a few hacked gold cards.
All right.
Well, then, we're gonna have to get creative.
Huh.
Well No.
Mnh-mnh.
Say it and I will kill you, your children, and your grandchildren.
Okay, okay.
Uh Wait a second.
They -- these auctions -- they display the items to the bidders beforehand, right? Yeah, so? So all we got to do is get Kevin close enough to memorize the spell.
What do you think, brainiac? Think you can swing it? Of course he can swing it if the bumper stickers on my Previa mean anything.
They didn't mean it, baby.
Now, now, Dean.
The system only works when everyone participates.
I'll be back for this.
How the hell are we supposed to know who's who? It's pretty simple, Dean.
They're all monsters.
Hey, hey.
Great.
I guess we're not as original as we thought.
It's okay.
It's okay.
We just got to come up with a plan "B.
" And what, pray tell, could possibly have been plan "A"? Bring the Prophet to the most dangerous place on Earth, memorize the tablet, and then va-moose? Hello, boys.
Crowley.
Kevin.
What a pleasure to see you.
Sorry about your little playdate.
Her name? Ah.
Well, if you're gonna make an omelet, sometimes you have to break some spines.
And who is this lovely young thing? Must be your sister.
Aah! Stay away from my son.
Charming.
Defiling her corpse has just made number one on my to-do list.
Unh, unh, unh, unh.
Don't mind a little love tap, but anything more, and our mookie pals here may just throw you out, and that would be a shame.
He's right, Dean.
It's not worth it.
Listen to moose, squirrel.
Ah.
Here comes our host.
Honored guests, please take your seats.
That's Plutus? What is he, God of the candy aisle? Gentlemen, the auction is starting.
Good luck with the bidding.
Nice right hook.
Dean Winchester? Do I know you? Uh, no, but, uh, I knew Castiel.
You're an angel? This -- this was the nearest vessel on short notice.
We don't usually come to things like this, but, uh You're chasing the magic rock? We protect the word of God.
Well, awesome job so far, uhAlfie.
Actually, my name is Samandriel.
Let's just stick with Alfie.
I wanted to ask you about Castiel.
What happened to him? Well, me and Cass -- we, uh -- we iced Dick Roman and got a one-way rocket ride to Purgatory for our trouble.
But you escaped.
Did -- did Castiel? You know, there are some in heaven who still believe, despite his mistakes, that Castiel's heart was always in the right place.
Are you one of them? I think too much heart was always Castiel's problem.
Cass! Dean.
Cass? Damn, it's good to see you.
Nice peach fuzz.
Thank you.
You should meet somebody.
This is Benny.
Benny, this is Cass.
Hola.
How did you find me? The bloody way.
You feeling okay? You mean am I still Yeah, if you want to be on the nose about it, sure.
No.
I'm perfectly sane.
But, then, 94% of psychotics think they're perfectly sane, so I guess we'd have to ask ourselves, "what is sane?" That's a good question.
- Why'd you bail on Dean? Dude -- the way I hear it, you two hit monster land, and hot wings here took off.
I figure he owes you some backstory.
Look, we were surrounded, okay? Some freak jumped Cass.
Obviously, he kicked its ass, right? No.
What? I ran away.
You ran away? I had to.
That's your excuse for leaving me with those gorilla-wolves? Dean -- you bailed out and, what, went camping? I prayed to you, Cass, every night.
I know.
You know and you didn't What the hell's wrong with you? I am an angel in a land of abominations.
There have been things hunting me from the moment we arrived.
Join the club! These are not just monsters, Dean.
They're Leviathan.
I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to -- to keep them away from you.
That's why I ran.
Just leave me, please.
Sounds like a plan.
Let's roll.
Hold on, hold on.
Cass, we're getting out of here.
We're going home.
Dean, I can't.
You can.
Benny, tell him.
Purgatory has an escape hatch, but I got no idea if it's angel-friendly.
We'll figure it out.
Cass, buddy, I need you.
Dean And if Leviathan want to take a shot at us, let them.
We ganked those bitches once before.
We can do it again.
It's too dangerous.
Let me bottom-line it for you.
I'm not leaving here without you.
Understand? I understand.
Ladies, gentlemen, andother, welcome to this once-in-a-lifetime event.
Samandriel.
Slumming it, are we? The first name in magical and alchemical esoterica.
Our prices may be high, but our quality is unmatched, and we stand by our products.
Don't know why you're so keen on that hunk of dirt.
So it tells you how to blast back a few demons? I'll just make more.
Can't get rid of all of my black-eyed boys, Samantha.
Yeah, we'll see.
And across the plane All right.
So, how much we got for plan "B"? Uh, well, we got our hacked credit cards, $2,000, and a, uh, Costco membership.
Our first item, the amulet of Hesperus.
Let's start the bidding with, um, three tons of dwarven gold? Ah.
This lady.
I have three.
Do I have, uh, four? Ah.
Four, gentlemen here.
Four.
Going for five.
Five? Five to this lady.
Plan "C"? Big time.
Any other bids? Any other bids? I'm gonna use the restroom.
Sold.
Oh, sorry.
This isn't the men's room.
Okay.
Our next item up for bid, the hammer of Thor, Mjoelnir.
A finger bone from the frost giant Ymir.
Uhthe bone and, uh, 5/8 of a virgin.
Ah.
Sold.
Plan "C" tanked.
Maybe you should try plan "D" for dumbass.
Our next lot, the word of God, capital "G" -- very old, very rare.
$3 billion.
Whoa.
Whoa.
The "Mona Lisa.
" The real "Mona Lisa," where she's topless.
Vatican City.
Alaska.
Palin and a bridge to nowhere? No, thanks.
All right.
The moon.
You're bidding the moon? Yeah.
Claimed it for hell.
Think a man named Buzz gets to go into space without making a deal? Ah.
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
It seems that our reserve price has not been met.
So in order to stimulate the bidding, we're going to add an item to this lot -- Kevin Tran, Prophet of the Lord.
No! Mr.
Tran is the only person on Earth who can read this tablet, which makes them a perfect matching set.
So out of your league.
So, do I hear a bid of -- No, stop! I'll give you whatever you want.
I have a 401, my house.
Good effort, Ms.
Tran, but I'm afraid this is a little out of your price range.
My soul.
Mom, don't! I bid my soul! Are you sure? That's a big move.
Interesting.
If it's souls that you're after, I can give you a million souls.
Hey, flyboy, are you gonna get in on this? We guard the souls in heaven.
We don't horse-trade them.
So we have a deal.
It's not about the quantity, chief.
It's about the sacrifice.
This little lady's soul is the most valuable thing she has.
It's everything.
Are you willing to offer everything, Mr.
Crowley? Tick-tock.
Fine.
You win.
I bid My own soul! Mr.
Crowley, you don't have a soul.
Congrats, sweetheart.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Losing my soul -- is it going to hurt? Probably.
Will I die? No.
You'll just wish you were dead.
Okay.
It's time.
You all right? Yeah.
Can I -- can I just have a minute? Dean, this sucks.
Are you kidding me? We're about to close the gates of Hell forever.
If you ask me, we got off cheap.
Excuse me, miss.
Hi.
My name is Sam-- Alfie.
I'm an angel.
Who works at Wiener Hut? No.
This is, uh -- it doesn't matter.
Uh, what you did in here was amazing, and I want you to know that my friends and I can protect your son.
The Winchesters are exceptional men, butthey're just men.
If Kevin comes with us -- Oh, no, no.
The last time that angels tried to help my son, I watched them die, and Kevin went missing for a year.
So, no offense, but I'm gonna take my chances with them.
Mjoelnir, I've missed you.
Where's the kid? What are you gonna do with her soul? Whatever I want.
I might sell it, or maybe I'll just tuck it away with my other precious objects, let them keep me warm at night.
Mm.
Whenever you're ready, dear.
Wait! Hello, boys.
Crowley.
No.
You can't.
My warding spells.
Your girl Friday showed me a few loopholes.
No offense, but I'm going to take my chances with them.
Now, that was very, very stupid! And all it cost me was an island in the South Pacific.
I love a bargain.
Can't do all my tricks, but I can do enough.
Get out of her! If I had a nickel for every time someone screamed that at me Getting in touch with your feminine side, huh, Crowley? Something like that.
Well, come and get him.
One out of two ain't bad.
Watch the kid! Kevin, don't! Let Dean take care of it.
Sam, move! Don't! You know what's better than one private island? Two private islands.
Okay.
Give it back.
Give it back.
Where'd you get the 5/8 of a virgin? Oh, no.
Mom! Well, that was exciting.
Good luck closing the gates to Hell without this.
Surprising what mommy dearest has rattling around in her head.
Want to know who your real father is? Scandalous.
Crowley! I know we're not mates, Kevin, but one word of advice -- run.
Run far and run fast.
'Cause the Winchesters -- well, they have a habit of using people up and watching them die bloody.
Toodles.
Has she said anything? Listen, Kev, what your mom went through -- it's hell.
Trust me, I know.
But she seems tough.
She'll pull it together.
You tried to kill her.
Kid, in this life -- Shut up! I don't want to hear any more of your crappy speeches.
I just want to talk to my mom alone.
Sure.
Five minutes.
Mom Dean, were you really going to, uh What? Slit soccer mom's throat? Yeah, I was.
I wish I had.
Dean -- It was Crowley, Sam.
No matter what meat suit he's in, I should have knifed him.
I mean, yeah, it would have sucked, and I would have hated myself, but what's one more nightmare, right? It seem a little quiet in there to you? Kevin? Kevin! You've got to be kidding me! Hey.
What? What's it say? Uh, that they bolted, that we shouldn't come looking, and since we lost the tablet, Kevin figures we don't need him.
Yeah, but Crowley still does.
What's that kid thinking?! He thinks people I don't need anymore -- they end up dead.
Dean, that -- that -- that's not true.
You know that.
Dean! Dean! Aah! Dean!