Superstore (2015) s05e01 Episode Script

Cloud 9.0

1 Last season on "Superstore.
" Hey, so, random I was going through some old security footage.
Well, I came across the time you let all my birds escape.
I will never forgive you.
- Do you want to get married? - Okay.
We've authorized ICE to do a worksite enforcement.
- Hey, guys.
- Oh, my God.
Okay, you guys need to keep going straight through Bath and Beauty, then we're gonna try to make it all the way to the end - of the garden section.
- Hey! Guys, it's over.
[dramatic music.]
Wow, this is so awesome.
So many people came out to support Mateo.
Yeah, yeah, and on such short notice, too.
Only three hours to put it together.
I think we even beat his family here.
Are you seriously bragging about how well you organized a vigil for your friend who was just detained by ICE today? No.
All right, I got burgers.
Does anyone have buns, matches, or charcoal? Yeah, no, because this isn't a tailgate party.
It's a candlelight vigil.
Oh, then what are we supposed to be doing? Um, you know, we're we're doing the We're the vigil.
The Jonah, you wanna I don't want to step on your toes.
Oh, I was primarily focused on the group E-mail.
Why don't we ask those people? They said that they've been vigil-ing for their uncle for five months.
- Five months? - Yeah.
Um, I know this might be a weird time, but since we're all together, I have some exciting news.
You know, when my church does a vigil, we always sing songs.
Yes! Let's do that.
Okay, well, we start with "O Living Bread from Heaven," and then go straight into "Alas did my Savior Bleed.
" Ah, so mostly just Top 40 stuff? I think we can find a song that's a little bit more Mateo-y.
Yeah, I think he likes, uh, Taylor Swift.
No, he's back to hating her again.
Do people know "Yalla Tnam Rima?" No, but I wish I did.
It sounds gorgeous.
Guys, let's pick a song that we all know in a language we all know.
Got it.
Pizza in the morning all: Pizza in the evening All: Pizza at supper time - Guys, are you guys all: When pizza's on a bagel You can eat pizza anytime [cheers and applause.]
Never had any training.
[upbeat music.]
I know we got other things on our mind with, uh, Mateo and everything, but why does MC Cool Cloud have a jetpack? He's a cloud.
They're already in the sky.
Also, Cloud 9.
0? Does corporate think ".
0" just means high tech? No, it means cool, like "Tosh.
" Great, guys, we could tear this apart all day.
The point is Cloud 9 just wants to communicate that it's modern and forward-thinking.
Anyway, we'll be rolling out Cloud 9.
0 technology like a digital map of the store a Smartphone app.
Guess they finally heard about those.
Oh, are we gonna get paid in Bitcoin? Um, no.
Aww, man, I really want to find out what Bitcoin is.
So this is what they think will save them from online retailers? A confusing ad and a free app? Oh, it's not free.
It's 2.
Well, I think all this is great.
I mean, come on.
Let people know that the brick-and-mortar stores are keeping up with the times.
The future is now! And also in the future.
Good attitude, Glenn.
Also as part of Cloud 9.
0, they've sent us a new high-tech floor cleaner.
Check it out, people.
We got a robot.
[all oohing.]
It was nice of corporate to wait an entire week before they reminded us we're just as replaceable as Mateo.
Hey, nobody can replace Mateo.
Aren't you living in his apartment? Yes, I'm keeping an eye on his stuff.
Look, this robot is not here to replace anybody.
Why does this high-tech robot have tape on it? - Oh, this is the best part.
- Um, that's just the design No, we decided we were gonna keep the tape on Hey, he asked, okay? So, um, I just wanna say that I think corporate wanted to make the robot seem not so intimidating to customers, so they gave it a name tag.
- It's a perfectly random name.
- Okay.
It's just a random name.
Look at that, Glenn.
Same name.
It's not the same at all.
I mean, look, it's spelled with one N.
Like a serial killer.
So corporate's not replacing us, but they sent us a robot to do our jobs and its name is Glen? Meeting adjourned! Actually, I have an announcement.
I haven't been able to find the right moment, but Damn it, Sandra.
Meeting adjourned! Okay? We can't re-journ! [upbeat music.]
So they're still debugging the app, but just tell Android users it'll be available soon.
Switching gears, any union chatter over there? 'Cause we can always send someone in.
Nope, no need.
You know, it's funny.
All the talk about unionizing just sort of went away after the ICE raid last week.
Weird, almost like that had something to do with it.
Oh, gosh, wasn't that so tragic? Just a shame.
Okay, bye.
- [chuckles.]
- Dick.
Pretending like corporate didn't send ICE in here.
Yeah, but well played with the anti-union stuff.
You're like a double agent.
My own Elizabeth Jennings.
Is that from "The Americans?" Yeah, it's so good.
You should just - I'm not gonna watch it.
- Just But I do think we need to cool it a little with the union stuff.
Corporate's is checking in every day.
They are super paranoid.
We need them to calm down.
We can impress them with the Cloud 9.
0 rollout and then when they least expect it, hit them with the union.
Yeah, okay, makes sense.
Which is why I need you to watch the robot today.
Just program its route.
Wait, what? You want me to you want me to train the thing that's here to replace us? Jonah, come on.
You're the only one I trust.
Fine, I'll babysit the robot for one day.
It's nice to hear that you trust me so much.
Don't make such a big deal out of it.
Okay, it just feels good.
Man, come on, Dina.
Did you throw away my lunch again? Did you really think writing Elias on it would work? I know your handwriting.
Okay, well when are you gonna stop punishing me? Mm, maybe when my birds stop being dead.
How's then sound? Now, pipe down.
We're busy.
Oh, yeah, I can see that.
You guys are two busy little builders over here.
This is the detention center.
We're hatching a plan to bust out Mateo.
Now, the key is to go at night when the guards are fast asleep.
Wow, that's a great plan.
You know what you could do? You could hang a poster of the moon up outside the window That way they'll think it's night time.
You can go in whenever you want.
- I'm writing this down.
- He's mocking us, Marcus.
He only likes letting birds out of cages, not people.
Mm, okay, so you're seriously gonna do this plan? Well, I have to try something.
I mean, I'm the one that let Mateo get detained.
What? No, you didn't I was on the monitors.
I should have been able to find him an escape route.
But don't worry.
No one expects you to help.
Okay, some people are helpers.
Some are destroyers.
Some people donate blood.
Some steal blood and sell it for video game money.
I don't nobody does that.
My cousin Rick does.
So, wait, are you saying if I don't help you break Mateo out of a heavily-guarded detention facility, I'm a bad person? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
- Okay, I'll help.
- Awesome.
Welcome aboard.
Now, some of this is from an old west set, so the doors at the detention center might not swing open as easy as the saloon's.
Uh, no, we don't actually sell jetpacks.
Uh, hey, Chey, can I talk to you for a second? Sorry I was late this morning.
Harmonica was being so difficult.
I couldn't get her to finish her breakfast soda.
Um, no, not that.
Actually, uh, I went to visit Mateo again yesterday, and he mentioned that you hadn't been yet, and he told me he'd love to see you.
It's just been hard to find a time.
Bo's doing motocross now, and he needs me to be at all the races in case he dies.
Okay, uh, well, you know, if you ever want to go during work, - I could find someone to cover - Oh, thanks, but no, don't worry.
It's not like I've forgotten about him.
I'm keeping notes on all the gossip and I've been taking photos of all the bad outfits for him for when he gets back.
Okay, well, uh, I just I told him - I'd relay the message so - [camera shutter clicks.]
Was that did you just Okay, I should get back to work.
[The Doobie Brothers' "Listen to the Music" playing.]
Oh, oh, listen to the music Oh, oh So we're totally out of jetpacks? No, there were never jetpacks.
Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask you to put that back.
Wait, does the Fenton store have jetpacks? Hey, Cheyenne, uh, how's it going? Looks like this lovely lady here would like to get some hair regrowth treatment.
It's for me.
I'm not embarrassed.
Yeah, no, you you shouldn't be.
- So why don't w - Wait, no leave it! Okay, you're ruining the display! Cheyenne God, no one cares about anything around here! Female pattern baldness runs in my family.
- I'm not embarrassed.
- Mm.
I'm sorry for freaking out at the bald lady.
- I had low blood sugar.
- Yeah.
You know, actually, I went back and checked the schedule, and it turns out that Mateo set up that endcap on the day that he got taken away by ICE.
You know what? Actually, um, the other day, I got so mad at Emma for wearing my pearl earrings, and I was like, "Amy, what's going on?" "They're just earrings.
" But then I realized that those earrings had been given to me by somebody I loved dearly.
My grandma, who died.
Uh, she fell off of an escalator, and and cancer It doesn't really matter how she died.
That's not the point of the story.
Got it.
Emma's dressing like an old lady, And you want me to give her a makeover.
I think it's time.
No, I'm saying you miss Mateo and that it might not just be good for him if you went and visited him.
It might be good for you, too.
Oh, wow, Amy.
That's really smart, and so wise.
Thanks for being such a good friend.
Thank you.
Thanks for always looking out for me.
Wait, are you gonna go see Mateo? Curtains for my muumuu curtains for my ball of yarn Hey! Excuse me! - Someone is up here! - Sorry.
- Jonah, make it stop! - Sorry.
I thought he had the hang of it.
- Make it stop! - I know, I'm on it Where is it taking me? Jonah! Okay, none of us are in the FBI, so claiming jurisdiction is a no go.
Garrett, where are we with your connection inside the detention center's infirmary? Exactly where we were when we started.
- I don't have one.
- [Groans.]
Ooh, do these bridal magazines belong to anyone? 'Cause I might want to take a look.
Oh, my God, Sandra, do you ever stop talking? - I - Answer me! - I don't know how to - [groans.]
Just go.
Sorry about that, guys.
Oh, oh, okay.
Guys, this is kind of just a big Roomba, all right? Hey, I was gonna clean that spill.
- Oh, well, yeah.
- I need a spill.
Oh, no, Glenn, you don't need to prove yourself.
- Refills are 49 cents.
- No, Gle Okay, here we go.
If you think that robot is good at cleaning, you should see Glenn the man.
Okay, Glenn the man, there's no reason - to be threatened by this thing.
- Really? 'Cause first it took my name, and then it pushed me out of the way while I was working, and now it took my spill.
I mean, maybe it should be raising my child and sleeping with Jerusha.
Hey, get away from that! I said get away! Oh, my God! Cheyenne! Are you okay? Do you feel like Cheyenne's been acting weird lately? Get him, Cheyenne! He's after my wife! Probably asking the wrong person.
Just one look And I knew So, good news.
The robot is working fine, and there's no need to involve corporate, so I'm not gonna write you up.
Okay, thanks, but you should know that robot's a dumb-ass.
Everyone's been saying it.
Uh, Amy, there was a mix-up and our vendor dropped all of our frozen seafood at the Bel-Ridge store, but it's closed down now, so it's, like, 40 pounds of shrimp just sitting in the sun.
I mean, I'd go get a truck and pick it up myself, but I lost the feeling in the bottom of my right foot from a medically critical case of athlete's foot.
Oh, no.
Well, um, I mean, I can drive a truck, but I'm gonna need somebody to help me load it.
Um, Cheyenne, why why don't you come with me? Yeah, I guess, but I call dibs on any loose shrimp.
- Deal.
- I'll come, too.
Girl's trip! Um, this is more of a two-gal shrimp job, you know? Well, if Justine can go, I should probably stay and finish this endcap.
No, no, no.
The the endcap can wait.
I really need you, Cheyenne.
I need you with me 'cause you are Screw it! Sandra, plan B! [screams.]
Hey! - I'm taking you to see Mateo.
- Sandra! - Is this entirely necessary? - Yes.
They can't stop four Mateos from getting out of there.
- But they can stop some of us? - Ideally, no.
Best case scenario, Mateo gets out.
Second best scenario, we all get out but they keep Mateo.
Third best scenario, they keep one of us but Mateo gets out.
Fourth best scenario You can't have four best scenarios! Glenn, you have to drop this stupid vendetta against the robot.
I hate that thing too.
It stole from me.
I dropped my lotto scratcher and it sucked it right up.
I was rushing to the men's room 'cause I had to pee and it was blocking the way.
I made it, but a few drops came out.
Jonah, I'm just shocked.
I mean, you of all people, Mr.
Labor Union, taking that thing's side! There are no sides, guys, okay? Amy asked me as a favor to watch the robot, and I am.
Believe me, I I don't like this this automation stuff any more than you guys do.
I I get it, you know? How can we compete with a machine that doesn't get tired or ask for health care or or a raise? I mean, uh, we can't compete.
- No - It's the perfect employee.
That thing needs to go.
All: Yeah.
Well, it's still charging so it can't go anywhere.
Jonah, step away from the robot.
Wait, Glenn, what's the end game here? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, that smells horrible.
What is that? We're sneaking Mateo out to the sewer so we needed to get used to being in sewage.
And because the amount of actual sewage we could get our hands on was disappointing, we had to come up with a substitute.
Lucky for us, there was a dog food recall.
And the Manhattan Clam Chowder in the cafe didn't sell.
Probably because it smells like this.
All right, surf's up.
Oh, wow.
Oh, yeah.
It's chunkier than I thought.
Oh, oh! Dina, you are not seriously gonna get in there.
Mm-hmm, I am.
Yep, that's just what we need to do to free Mateo.
Come on in.
The water's fine.
- [laughs.]
- Oh oh, God.
Okay, you know what? That's it, I'm out.
Okay, here he goes.
He's gonna take a big dump on our sewer.
Hey, no, I'm not gonna go bathing in your rotten food.
I understand that you feel guilty, but breaking Mateo out of detention is insane.
Call me a bad guy.
I don't care.
I'm done.
So what? Now we'd only have three Mateos? Two Mateos.
I'm out, too.
Huh, two Mateos.
Now, that could work.
You know, I feel bad showing up empty handed.
Oh, Mateo loves the baked ziti from Tony Rotundo's.
Oh, but they're closed right now for renovation, - so I might have to - Cheyenne - Wait until next month.
- Let's just go see Mateo.
Amy, I can't go in there, okay? I'm just gonna make things worse.
It's gonna be exactly like when I would visit my mom in jail.
I would always just break down crying.
I'm sure you didn't make things worse for her.
No, I did.
She would say, "Stop crying.
You're making things worse.
" Oh, Cheyenne, your mom wow.
Look, this is different.
Mateo wants to see you.
He's he doesn't care if you're happy or sad or whatever.
This is gonna be different.
I promise.
But what if it's not? - It will be.
- Yeah, okay.
Thanks, Amy.
- But what if it's not? - We're going inside now! [dramatic music.]
How are you? Good.
I'm good.
Okay, cool.
Well, bye.
No, Cheyenne.
So, um, do you wanna hear about all the bad outfits from the last week? I was taking photos on my phone for you, but they wouldn't let me bring my phone in.
Oh, my God.
Yes, please.
Well, um, Justine wore her Rosé All Day T-shirt - twice in a row.
- Jesus.
And I'm the one who's locked up? Oh, God.
[both laughing.]
So, um How are things, like, really? Girl, it's bad in here.
It's cold and there aren't enough blankets.
I mean, it is flat out disgusting.
And apparently this is one of the nicer places.
The guards think all undocumented people are Latinos so they just keep yelling at me in Spanish and I don't understand what they're saying.
I just I just want to go home.
I know.
I'm so sorry.
Hey, Dina, I know I kinda went off on you a little bit back there, but before that, I was helping you and Marcus out a lot, so I was thinking maybe I could get off the hook and maybe eat my lunch again.
Get back into my sandals? Uh-huh.
Is that Mateo? Are you watching footage from the ICE raid? Yeah.
I was just thinking maybe if I'd had him cut left he could have doubled back through appliances - and hid in a dryer.
- Oh, stop.
Dina, listen to me.
There's nothing you could have done about that.
Maybe you're right.
Oh, I just hadn't felt like myself in a long time.
Ever since you assassinated my birds.
Well, now, hold on a second.
Come to think of it, I was way off my game that day.
There's no way I could have found him an escape route.
It wasn't my fault.
It was your fault.
There we go.
Yeah, this is completely on you.
Oh, I feel so much better having discovered this.
- I got it.
- [laughing.]
Better turn my cameras live again in case there's a missing kid or something.
Oh, but this one has a timer.
That's useful.
Do you think that's more important than the self-cleaning feature? Yeah, I don't know, but I'm engaged to Jerry, and we're getting married, and I'm gonna wear a gorgeous white gown, because I'm Jerry's bride and I'm so happy, and I just needed to tell someone.
Oh, this one makes it right in a travel mug? Uh, yes, please.
O okay.
Um, Carol, I didn't know that you were working today.
I just came to pick up my check.
You know, now that I think about it, Jerry's proposal was probably a joke.
You know his sick sense of humor.
Even when Jerry was with me, his heart was with you.
- I'm happy for you.
- Really? Yep.
The best woman won.
No, no, no, no.
Guys, come on.
Guy no, absolutely not.
No robot is accidentally going in the compactor.
- It's not happening.
- Jonah's right.
The robot is not going in the compactor.
Okay, so nobody saw this happen.
Somehow the robot got onto the service elevator and made it to the roof.
I don't normally condone the destruction of company property, but I'd like to keep the singularity from happening for as long as possible, so have at it.
So this whole thing about you not wanting to make any waves Yeah, I don't really care what corporate thinks right now.
Works for me.
Let's kill this thing.
[all cheering.]
About time.
Kill Glen.
[all chanting.]
Kill Glen! Kill Glen! The robot, not the man! The robot, not the man! Cheyenne, want to do the honors? - Hell yeah.
- Yeah! Yeah! Bye-bye, "Westworld.
" Yeah.
- Ooh.
- Bye-bye.
[electronic whirring.]
[all cheering.]
Take that, you hunk of junk! [cheers and applause.]
Hey, hey, guys, guys, guys.
Huh? [electronic whirring.]
[tense percussive music.]
Holy [bleep.]
Sorry, Glen! It was an accident!
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