Superwog (2017) s01e06 Episode Script

You really want to see some evil shit? - Yeah.
- Go to the abandoned railyard.
- The one near the cemetery? - Yeah.
That's not scary, that's nothing! Bro, the government blocked it because people were going in there, right? And they were talking to the dead.
Who could they talk to? - Anyone.
- What, even Tupac? Bro, my mate spoke to Biggie three months ago.
So I can ask him anything and he will answer? - Yeah! - Alright.
Let's go! I'm nervous, I don't even know what I'm gonna say to him.
Who are you going to talk to? I want to talk to Colonel Sanders.
Why? I reckon if I'm polite he'll tell me his 11 secret herbs and spices.
Who's that? I don't know, man.
Let's go the other way around.
(SPOOKY MUSIC) Tupac! Tupac, are you there? This is bullshit, it's not working! Maybe because we are in Australia and because of the exchange rate, Tupac is only one pack.
(CREAKING) (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) What the? This place is fucking weird, bro.
Let's get out of here! Which way was it back? I've got no idea.
We'll ask that homeless dude.
Hey, bro! Hey, I'm talking to you! Oh Uh sorry to disturb you, but how do we get back to the main road? (GROWLS) - What the fuck? - He's on ice.
Yeah, no worries, bro, we'll figure it out.
(GROWLS) Stay there! Don't move! We don't have any change, alright? (GRUNTS) (GUNSHOT) - (THUD!) - (PANTS) He's dead He's fucking dead! MAN: Guys, over here! Quick! Over here! Bro, we just saw an ice-head get murdered.
- It was a fucking headshot.
- Shh! I'm serious, bro.
His fucking dead body's right there! Guys, shut up! Shut the hell up! I did it.
What? Why? He wasn't homeless, he was infected! Infected? How do you know? What, you just assume because he's homeless he's infected? Yeah, how do we know you're not infected? Yeah! You probably have gonorrhoea! Where the hell did you guys come from? The tunnels over there.
I'm going to report you.
I just witnessed your admission.
Johnny, call the cops! There are no cops.
There is no law.
I'm not a murderer.
That was a zombie! What? A flesh-eating virus has spread, turning people into zombies.
That was a zombie.
A virus formed in an American lab spread across the globe within days.
Most of the country's been wiped out.
When did this happen? Six months ago! Six months.
(LAUGHS) You're an idiot.
What the hell? Man, stuff you, bro! I'm going home.
Wait! You can't go out there.
You'll been eaten in a second.
We have got to stick together in order to survive.
I need to see my parents! Your parents are probably dead.
Almost everyone has died of starvation.
There's no way my dad did, he collects canned food.
He's got like five years' worth of creamed corn.
I know they're alive! You know why all this happened? Because of North Korea and Donald Trump! They both come together and they put a virus in the computer and it made the email put it in your pocket.
The Queen rooted a man from Albania in her palace and refused to get an abortion.
Will someone shut him up? You know what caused all this zombie bull crap? - What? - Bottled water! They put chemical in the water and they poisoned everybody.
OK.
And you know the plane that come above in the sky and put white powder? This is cancer.
The government gives you cancer.
The moon landing was bullshit.
Bill Gates is a lizard! - Shut the hell up! - Shut up! What is your problem? You finished five years' worth of canned food in six months.
What the hell are we supposed to do now? This was my food.
You are lucky I'm not charging you rent, you fucking thief! God will judge you all! Honey, stop! You are annoying everyone.
God will be on my side.
Because I do not have foreskin on my penis! You will all burn in hell! OK.
You see the 4-wheel-drive? It's open.
This will work if we're quick.
I'm going to cover you! You're going to cover me? Yes, while you run! OK, cover me or what? No, you will run to the car, I'll make sure no zombies get to you! OK, we run, you get in! Right.
After three, you go.
- Three what? - Three seconds! Three seconds, you cover me, then Johnny runs and you meet me here! No, you both run, I cover you, then you run.
We wait three seconds, you run, I lock the door, you cover me, then after three seconds we meet back here.
Goddammit! You run to the car.
Once you get in, I'll meet you there.
I don't have many bullets left so get in the car as quickly as possible.
Why couldn't you be that clear from the start? Go! Move! No, no, I want to sit in the front! You always sit in the front! Hey! Get in the car! What the hell are you doing? (GUNSHOTS) Both of you, in the car now! We haven't eaten in two days.
The food's just not going to magically appear, we have to do something about it! Yes, we have to, now! We need to form a party and go.
No! There is no need to talk about all this.
What do you mean go outside and get food? You are all fools! We are all starving to death here! There is nothing left! All that is left here is us.
This is no point.
We are all about to leave existence! I took it all for granted, all the food I used to eat.
I used to eat three large racks of lamb ribs and clean them right down to the bone without even thinking about it.
All this is basically lamb fat.
Stop that! Let me hold your gun, bro! No! - Why not? - Because.
Because what? 'Cause you're scared, eh? It's empty.
Why would I be scared? You're scared I'll bop bop your ugly head! (LAUGHS) Where are you taking us? Supermarket.
Why? We need water.
The tap was working back there.
I don't trust the main water system.
I don't trust you, bro! First, you headshot a homeless junkie.
Then you pull us into a public toilet and then you tell us you have gonorrhoea! I don't have gonorrhoea, I never said I have gonorrhoea.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't! You did, I heard you.
Bro, how do I know you're not some paedo? I'm not a paedo! I'm not a fucking paedo! You! Get in the back, now! Hello, my friend, how are you? I'm OK.
How are you feeling? I'm alright.
Why? You look very dirty.
I bet you would like a nice, hot bath.
Oh, I'd love one, actually, but I couldn't waste any more of my water.
No, do not worry, I will give you some of my water.
Jeez, thanks.
Now, that is better, isn't it? Yes, thank you.
You're very kind.
Would you like more water? No, that is enough.
It is a bit hot, though.
Don't worry, it is good.
It is cold outside, you will get used to it.
What's that? That is cumin, it is very good for your skin.
What is this one? It is just chilli powder, to open your pores.
What are you doing, mate? Nothing, nothing.
Just stay in the bath.
I want you to relax.
The water's a little too hot.
Can we cool it down a little? Don't worry, just stay still.
What the hell are you doing? What? Arggh! Somebody get me out of here! (GROANS) A5.
A5.
This doesn't make any sense! Whoa.
What the? (GROWLS) Whoa.
Do not move! Don't fucking move! Put the car back in park right now! (GROWLS) Dear Heavenly Lord Those are the biggest things I have ever seen in my life.
- Guys! - No, don't move 1cm! (SQUELCH!) What the? No, I want it! I want it! Oi, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Give me that! (CLUNK!) What the hell?! That was our tit, not yours.
Is that another survivor? Get in! Get in! Can't believe my luck.
Far out, bro, well done for making it this far with all these zombies around.
What did you just call them? Zombies.
Do not refer to them as zombies! That's offensive.
They prefer to be called the living deceased.
What? You know, you three ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
Objectifying a female member of the living deceased like that, like I saw you did! It is very problematic.
What the fuck are you talking about? Now, I'm happy you saved me, but do not, under any circumstances, refer to them as zombies again! Do I make myself clear? - (ZOMBIE SNARLS) - (MAN SCREAMS) I think he is going to need stitches.
Where is the medical kit? Untie me! I will eat all of you.
I will eat every one of you.
Untie me.
No, honey, they are all scared of you, I can't.
You are a fucking traitor! (SPITS) OK, OK.
Sorry.
Please! No.
'Bye.
Please! I love you.
What did you say? I I love you.
Honey, you have never said that to me! Honey, I'm shocked.
OK, now untie me.
I've always wanted you to say it to me.
- Untie me.
- Did you really mean it? Yes! Untie me.
I love you too, honey.
(GROANS) Say it again and I'll untie you.
I love .
.
you.
Now, untie me! Now tell me why you love me.
Get away from me! OK, I'll keep them away, you two run over, get the bottles, and run back.
BOTH: OK.
Really? You guys understood that? Yes, that was easy! Alright.
Water, water.
So much to choose from.
You know, not all of them are Australian made.
- Really? - Yeah.
Some water comes from the mountains while others are bottled tap water.
- See, that's an important difference.
- Yeah, yeah.
For sure.
Mmm.
You know what's - Hey, what's going on?! - We're coming! - You know what's a fucking scam? - What? That Voss water.
People only like it because it comes in glass.
But you can't leave it anywhere.
It rolls around all over the place.
- It's a scam, eh? - Mmm.
We'll just get the 24-pack, then.
Arggh! What are you doing?! What are you doing?! Arggh! Fuck! I just want to say, I think you are handling all this really well.
- You reckon? - Yeah! I think you're really brave.
Thanks, bro, that means a lot.
I'm telling you, I reckon this ranger bloke is overdoing it.
I realised that zombies are like pit-bulls.
If you avoid making eye contact, they ignore you.
- Really? - Yeah.
Watch.
Hey, bro, are you sure? Yeah, watch.
(SCREAMS) Hey! Get off! - Holy shit! - Help! Hey, Johnny! Johnny! He promised he's not going to try and eat anyone.
Do you promise? Yes.
It really hurts.
Oh, it's OK.
Lucky you've got a lot of soft tissue to help oil up the tendons.
He's looking at me weird again.
Stop it.
Stop it, honey! That zombie's taking a fucking shit.
But but, but, but that is my toilet! Not my cigarettes! - No! - No! (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAM) He's mine! Please! Please don't leave me with that man, he's insane! Go! Go! (SCREAMS) Where's the creamed corn? It's all gone.
He ate it all and then he ate one of the survivors.
Shit! Wait, where are you going? The situation's bad.
I'm going to have to go to the communications tower, it's our only hope of survival.
What the? What is wrong? I miss my family.
And I miss my dog.
I want you to calm down.
Your family is dead.
I want you to know that we are your new family.
That's really sweet of you to say.
You are like my daughter now.
Thanks.
Call me Daddy.
Dad, stop! Call me Daddy! Daddy.
That is good.
Now go outside and hang the washing! What happened? There's no-one left.
What? Everyone's gone.
It's just us.
We're the last humans alive.
This means it's up to us to save the entire human race.
What? What do you mean? There are no more survivors.
It's just us left.
We have to repopulate the human race.
But there is only one woman.
Only one woman to reproduce with.
Only the man with the most powerful seed shall plant it in her.
God has chosen one of us to be the father of human civilisation.
And this will be me.
I can do it instead, I don't mind if I have to.
What? No, I'm not having sex with either of you.
You and I will repopulate Earth! - I can't.
- Why not?! I'm impotent and I have gonorrhoea.
You are going to have to sleep with one of them.
I am the one who will be responsible for continuing the entire human race.
No, no, no way, I'm not doing it.
All the children of the earth will come from me! (BANG!) What the fuck?! (GROANS) You insulted me, you shoot me .
.
except kill me.
(BANG! BANG!) (GROANS) (BANG!) You killed my dad! I knew you wanted to do me instead.
(BANG!) Wake up.
Wake up! What the? Come on, we need to get you guys out of here.
What happened? Mate, there was a serious gas leak in there.
You guys were passed out for two hours.
You could have suffered severe brain damage.
Nah, I'm fine.
But what about the zombies? There were zombies Zombies? Mate, you must have been dreaming.
BOTH: But, but, but But that's the zombie that you shot! Mate, that's not a zombie, that's homeless Joe.
And I'm pretty sure he tea-bagged you both while you were passed out.
(LAUGHS) BOTH: Eugh! Eugh! Eugh! What is wrong with you, boy? Dad, I had the craziest dream.
- What happened? - There were zombies.
We were the only humans alive and, Holly, the neighbour, was the last woman and you wanted to What? Nothing, don't worry about it.
It is OK, boy, you have nothing to worry about.
(SCREAMS) No, do not worry.
I will give you (LAUGHS) - It's OK.
- No, no, don't burn my toilet.
(LAUGHS) That is good! (LAUGHTER) (LAUGHTER) Where is the creamed corn? (LAUGHS) I fucking kill you, you fucking idiot.
- You ruin my fucking toilet.
- (LAUGHS) Do I make myself clear? (LAUGHS) Stop it! Stop it, honey! (LAUGHTER) (LAUGHTER) Now go outside and hang the washing! - (LAUGHTER) - Sorry.
God has chosen one of us .
.
to be the father of (LAUGHS) That is so good.