Tales from the Crypt (1989) s05e08 Episode Script
Well Cooked Hams
QUELLE HEURE EST-IL? QUELLE HEURE EST-IL.
OUVRE LE FENETRE.
BOO-VRE LE FENETRE.
BON SOIR, KIDDIES.
I WAS JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FRENCH LESSON.
YOUR PAL, THE CRYPT KEEPER HAS DECIDED TO SEE LE MANS.
IMAGINE ME IN GAY SCAREE, SITTING IN A NICE LITTLE CAFE ON THE ROT BANK, SIPPING A GLASS OF CHABLEED, WHILE I WRITE GHOSTCARDS HOME TO ALL MY FIENDS.
OR I COULD STAY HOME AND TELL YOU TONIGHT'S TALE.
IT CONCERNS AN AMBITIOUS YOUNG MAGICIAN WHO WANTS TO EXPAND HIS GORE-IZONS, TOO, IN A TASTELESS TRICK CALLED WELL COOKED HAMS.
WELL COOKED HAMS RISE UP, RISE UP, GLORIOUS FIRE, FLICKERING FRIEND, RISE UP.
RISE UP! RISE UP! YES! RISE, OH, MAGIC FLAME.
RISE HIGHER AND HIGHER AND HIGHER AND HIGHER.
RISE! RISE, I SAID.
BACK! BACK, FLAME, BACK.
BACK.
BACK, I SAY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY BEAUTIFUL ASSISTANT, THE LOVELY GRETA.
SAP! AND NOW, FROM DEADLY FIRE, COMES VIBRANT, BOUNTIFUL LIFE.
WHAT?! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WALKED OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ACT! MY HANDS WERE ON FIRE, YOU IDIOT! WHAT, THAT'S MY FAULT? "YOU'RE GOING TO BE HUGE," YOU SAID! "ZORBIN TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING.
WE CARRY ON THE ACT AND BE EVEN BIGGER THAN HE WAS!" YOU SAID.
IMPROVE MY ARRANGEMENT WITH ZORBIN.
ALL OF THIS FOR 20% OF NOTHING! MAYBE IF YOU DID YOUR JOB RIGHT FOR A CHANGE! I DO MY JOB FINE, BUT YOU'RE INCOMPETENT! IF ZORBIN WERE HERE TO SEE WHAT YOU DID TONIGHT, IN HIS NAME! HE'D SLIT HIS OWN THROAT! IN THE 3 MONTHS SINCE ZORBIN DISAPPEARED, YOU HAVE TAKEN HIS GREAT MAGIC ACT AND TURNED IT INTO A JOKE.
WE USED TO PLAY PARIS.
NOW LOOK AT US! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS ACT THAT A LITTLE CHANGE OF PERSONNEL WOULDN'T FIX.
YOU'RE FIRING ME? YES.
YES, I'M FIRING YOU.
WELL, IN THAT CASE, YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, BECAUSE I QUIT! NO, NO, SEE, I FIRED YOU FIRST.
SO EITHER WAY, YOU'RE GONE! YOU WILL REGRET THIS.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? ZORBIN GAVE IT TO ME.
DON'T LIE TO ME.
THAT MEDALLION WAS IN ZORBIN'S FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS.
HE TREASURED IT.
HE DIDN'T LET ANYBODY SO MUCH AS TOUCH IT.
WHERE DID YOU GET IT? IT APPEARED.
OUT OF THIN AIR.
YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS.
WHERE IS HE? LAST ZORBIN WALKED OFF STAGE, HE NEVER CAME BACK.
YOU KILLED HIM.
YES.
YES, I KILLED HIM.
I PUT A BULLET IN HIS BRAIN.
I PUT POISON IN HIS BRANDY AND HAD AN ELEPHANT STEP ON HIS HEAD! I'M GOING TO THE POLICE! WHERE IS THE BODY? WHERE'S YOUR PROOF? ZORBIN WAS SO GOOD AT DISAPPEARING, WASN'T HE? WHERE'S THE MAGIC? WHERE'S THE MAGIC? I'LLGIVE ANYTHING.
ANYTHING.
HELLO FRAULEIN GRETA KREUTZEL.
WATCH CLOSELY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS FROM DEADLY FIRE COMES VIBRANT VIBRANT, VIBRANT VIBRANT, VIBRANT BOUNTIFUL LIFE.
GET SOME WATER.
YOU TWO BEHAVED LIKE A COUPLE OF MONKEYS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GESTURE MORE GRANDLY.
WE'LL BE BETTER TOMORROW NIGHT.
IF YOU WILL.
OH.
GET OUT.
I'M RUNNING OUT OF TOMORROW NIGHTS.
AHH! FRAULEINS.
HERR FEDERMAN, I HOPE I'M NOT DISTURBING YOU.
MY NAME IS KRAYGEN.
FRANZ KRAYGEN.
YES? AND? I SAW YOUR SHOW TONIGHT, MY DARLING BOY.
I WANTED YOU TO KNOW I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY INTERESTING.
OH.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHERE WERE YOU SITTING? 'CAUSE I DIDN'T SEE YOU.
I WAS IN THE SHADOWS, OF COURSE.
BUT I ASSURE YOU, MY DARLING, I DIDN'T MISS A MOMENT OF IT.
WELL, BEING AN ILLUSIONIST ALSO, I THOUGHT I MIGHT INVITE YOU TO COME AND SEE MY SHOW, YEAH? YOU'RE AN ILLUSIONIST? I AM THE GREATEST ILLUSIONIST, YEAH.
THEN HOW COME IS IT I'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU? PROBABLY BECAUSE I DON'T PLAY THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY VERY OFTEN.
I LIKE TO MOVE AROUND.
WELL, I'M EXTREMELY BUSY.
I KNOW THAT YOU ARE.
BUT I WILL LEAVE YOUR NAME AT THE BOX OFFICE ALL THE SAME.
YOU SEE, MY DARLING BOY, YOU CAN'T GET IN OTHERWISE.
I'M ALL SOLD OUT.
COME AND SEE.
COME AND SEE, MY BOY.
COME AND SEE THE MAGIC.
NOW APPEARING AT THE ELLINGHAM THEATRE 1 WEEK ONLY "KRAYGEN" FEATURING THE BOX OF DEAD BRAVO! THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.
AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE GRAND FINALE.
WE SHALL PROVE THAT DEATH ITSELF IS BUT AN ILLUSION.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I PRESENT TO YOU THE INFAMOUS BOX OF DEATH.
ENJOY, AS THE BOX ORIGINATED, IT WAS LONG CONSIDERED THE MOST DANGEROUS ILLUSION OF ALL.
BUT TONIGHT, MY FRIENDS, ESPECIALLY FOR YOU, I WILL ENTER THE BOX OF DEATH.
AS YOU CAN SEE, EACH OF THESE VERY SHARP SWORDS IS POISED TO SLASH INTO THE BOXES.
WHEN THEY ARE HELD TOGETHER BY A SERIES OF WIRES AND ROPES, AND EACH ONE OF THEM IS CONNECTED TO ONE SAFETY ROPE HERE.
OBSERVE.
NOW, WHEN THE SECRET OF THE BOX CROSSES THE ASIAN CONTINENT AND COMES INTO TURKEY, THERE WAS ADDED AN EVEN MORE DANGEROUS WRINKLE.
THE DEADLY SULFURIC ACID.
WOW! AH! THOSE TURKS! I WOULD HATE TO THINK WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ALL THESE DEADLY SWORDS WERE TO FALL ON TOP OF THE BOX WHEN SOMEONE IS INSIDE.
BUT THEN, MY FRIENDS, THAT IS WHY IT IS CALLED THE BOX OF DEATH.
REMOVING THE SHOES.
TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING, WE WILL HAVE THE HANDCUFFS.
JA, JA! AND THIS IS CALLED THE SHROUD OF THE BOX OF DEATH.
ONE MINUTE, HERE.
I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
YA, YA, THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG HERE! PLEASE, CAN YOU HEAR ME? OPEN THE DOOR! PLEASE! I PRAY YOU, OPEN THE DOOR! THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG HERE! OPEN THE DOOR! OH, MY GOD! OPEN THE DOOR! AAAAAH! OH, FOR GOD SAKES! REMAIN IN YOUR SEATS, EVERYONE! I IMPLORE YOU! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE PRESENTED TO YOU AN ILLUSION OF DEATH! BRAVO! I'M GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW, MY DARLING BOY.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING QUITE LIKE IT.
I MEAN, IT WAS MORE THAN JUST A MAGIC ACT.
IT WAS AN EVENT.
AH, YOU FLATTER ME SO.
NO, I MEAN IT.
THE AUDIENCE WAS YOU HAD THEM IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND.
THAT IS GOOD OF YOU TO SAY.
HMM.
I SUPPOSE WHAT'S MOST ENTHRALLING ABOUT THE BOX OF DEATH IS HOW REALISTIC IT SEEMS.
I MEAN, FOR AN INSTANT THE AUDIENCE ACTUALLY BELIEVES THAT-- HA! NO, THEY DO.
AND I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER HOW YOU DID IT.
IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE, MY DARLING.
THERE IS A DOUBLE DOOR, OF COURSE, RIGHT? AND THIS FALSE PANEL PUSHES BACK 1O INCHES.
WHEN MY ASSISTANT CLOSES THE DOOR, I PUSH MYSELF BACK, AND I AM OUT OF HARM'S WAY.
SO WHEN THE BLADES COME IN, YOU'RE I'M QUITE SAFE, MY DARLING.
JA, JA.
I JUST STEP BETWEEN THEM.
THIS FALSE PANEL IS ON SPRINGS, JA? NO! AND IT RETURNS TO ITS FORMER POSITION, JA.
AND THE MAKE-UP? HA! YEAH, WHAT ABOUT THE-- THAT IS ALL INSIDE THE POCKETS OF THE BURLAP SACK.
AMAZING! IT'S AMAZING, RIGHT? I MEAN, RIGHT DOWN TO THE HOLES IN THE COSTUME! NEIN, MY BOY.
THAT IS REAL, FROM THE SPLATTERING OF THE ACID.
THE ACID IS REAL? JA! THAT IS QUITE REAL, MY BOY.
I'M IN AWE.
THAT'S I HOW DID YOU DO IT? DON'T ASK.
NO.
PLEASE.
PLEASE! ALL RIGHT, MY BOY.
I WILL TELL YOU ONLY.
BUT JUST THIS ONCE.
JA, JA.
A COMMAND PERFORMANCE, JA? YOU MUST STEP INSIDE OF THE BURLAP BAG AND PULL IT UP, JA.
THEN WHEN YOUR HANDS ARE FREE, YOU BEGIN TO APPLY THE MAKE-UP.
AND THEN, WHEN THE FLAME IS ABOUT TO EAT THROUGH THE ROPE WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MY DARLING? I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.
PUT DOWN THE KNIFE, MY BOY.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE FLAME BURNS THROUGH? SO YOU WANT TO STEAL MY MAGIC TRICK.
I'M GONNA DO A LOT MORE THAN THAT IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS.
I WILL NEVER TELL! THE BOX OF DEATH HAS BEEN IN MY FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS.
DO YOU THINK THAT THE BOX OF DEATH IS WORTH DYING FOR, OLD MAN? NO, NO.
NO! PLEASE, I BEG YOU! NO! NO, PLEASE! NO! OLD MAN, YOU ARE GOING FOR A SWIM! WE HAVE A FULL HOUSE! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S GOING TO BE WONDERFUL! IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT? WHEN I WAS DYING ON STAGE, NO ONE WAS INTERESTED.
BUT NOW THAT I'M DYING ON STAGE MR.
FEDERMAN, LADIES, I HOPE I'M NOT DISTURBING YOU.
MY NAME IS THOMAS MILLER.
I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT AN HONOR IT IS TO MEET YOU, SIR.
YES, SIR.
AND I BELIEVE I HAVE SOMETHING HERE THAT YOU WILL FIND MIGHTY INTERESTING.
NOTHING PERSONAL, FRIEND, BUT I'VE GOT A PERFORMANCE IN A FEW MINUTES.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I AM HERE, SIR.
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A WEALTHY MAN.
MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME.
I SAID I'VE GOT A SHOW.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS, SIR? THIS IS A MOVING PICTURE CAMERA.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN TOYS.
A TOY? NO, SIR, THIS IS NO TOY.
SIR, THIS IS THE FUTURE OF ENTERTAINMENT AS WE KNOW IT.
THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.
MAYBE ANOTHER TIME.
YOU CANNOT BE IN TWO PLACES AT THE SAME TIME, SIR.
I DO NOT CARE HOW GOOD A MAGICIAN YOU ARE.
BUT IF YOU WERE TO ALLOW ME TO PHOTOGRAPH JUST ONE OF YOUR PERFORMANCES AND THEN MAKE DOZENS OF COPIES OF IT, WHY, SIR, YOU COULD PLAY IN DOZENS OF THEATERS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY, INDEED, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, MAKING FAR MORE THAN YOU ARE MAKING NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND MY SAYING, SIR.
WITH THAT THING? YES, SIR.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
SOMETIMES MODERN TECHNOLOGY OUTPACES OUR ABILITY TO SEE ITS POTENTIAL.
BUT, SIR, TO STAY AHEAD IN THIS WORLD, YOU MUST KEEP AN OPEN MIND, SO I ASK YOU ONE FINAL QUESTION.
MR.
FEDERMAN, DO YOU HAVE AN OPEN MIND? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? JUST DO YOUR NORMAL PERFORMANCE.
ALLOW ME TO PHOTOGRAPH IT, THEN SIT BACK AND WATCH THE MONEY AND THE FAME ROLL IN.
WELL, I CAN DO THAT.
VERY WELL.
OF COURSE.
A GENTLEMEN'S AGREEMENT.
AND 70 FOR ME.
A REAL GENTLEMAN.
HOW DO I LOOK? GREAT, MR.
FEDERMAN.
DO YOU HEAR THAT? NOW, THAT'S WHAT AN AUDIENCE SOUNDS LIKE.
CHECK THE MAKE-UP AND THE BLOOD.
IT'S IN THE SACK.
THE PANEL MECHANISM? YOU'VE CHECKED THAT, TOO? IT'S PERFECT.
WONDERFUL.
THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.
I HAVE A FEW TOUCHES OF MY OWN.
ELLINGHAM THEATRE Artist's entrance LET'S NOT KEEP OUR AUDIENCE WAITING.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MY LOVELY ASSISTANTS, RACHEL AND CASSANDRA.
I AM MILES FEDERMAN, MASTER MAGICIAN.
TONIGHT WE'LL PROVE THAT DEATH IS BUT AN ILLUSION.
IN THE ORIENT, WHERE IT ORIGINATED, THE BOX OF DEATH HAS LONG BEEN CONSIDERED THE MOST DANGEROUS MAGIC TRICK OF THEM ALL.
I ENCOURAGE YOU, IF YOU'RE FAINT OF HEART, PLEASE, COVER YOUR EYES FOR I CANNOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES.
BUT TONIGHT, I WILL TEMPT THE FATES AND ENTER THE BOX.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE BOX OF DEATH! AS YOU CAN SEE, EACH OF THESE DEADLY SHARP INSTRUMENTS ARE POISED TO SLICE INTO THE BOX.
AND JUST TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING, WE'VE ADDED A CONTAINER OF SULFURIC ACID.
I WOULD HATE TO THINK WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THAT PERSON IN THE BOX IF THE ROPE WERE TO BURN AND THE KNIVES WERE TO FALL.
FALL! THE ONLY THING HOLDING THEM BACK ARE A SERIES OF WIRES CONNECTED TO THIS SINGLE LINE.
AND NOW TO ADD TO THE MIX, WE HAVE A PAIR OF HANDCUFFS AND A PADLOCKED BURLAP SACK.
HELP! LET ME OUT OF THIS THING! LET ME OUT OF HERE! COME ON! GET ME OUT! LET ME OUT OF THE GODDAMN BOX! SOMEBODY OPEN THIS THING! SOMEBODY OPEN THIS THING! COME ON! PLEASE! OH, GIRLS! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR! SOMETHING WENT WRONG! PULL OUT THE KNIVES! GOD! SOMEBODY GET A DOCTOR! GIRLS, I'M DYING HERE! THANK YOU, GRETA.
SOMEBODY HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME! I OWE YOU ONE, MILES.
YOUR VERSION OF THE BOX OF DEATH IS GONNA MAKE US VERY RICH-- THAT IS, GRETA AND ME, AND ANOTHER FRIEND OF YOURS.
K--KRAYGEN! YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE I WAS DEAD BEFORE YOU GOT RID OF THE BODY, MY DARLING BOY.
THAT IS TWICE NOW YOU HAVE MADE THE SAME MISTAKE.
DUMM KOPH! * TA DA! * ZORBIN? OH, MILES.
ONCE A STUDENT, ALWAYS A STUDENT.
YOU'RE DISMISSED.
ZORBIN! BRAVO! NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT IS WHAT WE CALL A FINISH! MY LOVELY ASSISTANT, GRETA.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ZORBIN THE MAGNIFICENT! BRAVO, BRAVO! POOR MILES! JUST WHEN HE WAS READY TO TAKE THE HACKED ON THE ROAD, HE ENDS UP ON THE SILVER SCREAM! STILL, I THINK HE DESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE TO GET IT RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY-- IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, DIE, DIE AGAIN! AS FOR ME, KIDDIES, I'M JUST ABOUT READY TO GO.
GOT MY PASSPORT, MY DIE-TENERARY, AND MY TICKET FOR THE CON-GOURD.
ALL I NEED NOW ARE MY SHOTS.
AIN'T TRAVEL A BLAST?
OUVRE LE FENETRE.
BOO-VRE LE FENETRE.
BON SOIR, KIDDIES.
I WAS JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FRENCH LESSON.
YOUR PAL, THE CRYPT KEEPER HAS DECIDED TO SEE LE MANS.
IMAGINE ME IN GAY SCAREE, SITTING IN A NICE LITTLE CAFE ON THE ROT BANK, SIPPING A GLASS OF CHABLEED, WHILE I WRITE GHOSTCARDS HOME TO ALL MY FIENDS.
OR I COULD STAY HOME AND TELL YOU TONIGHT'S TALE.
IT CONCERNS AN AMBITIOUS YOUNG MAGICIAN WHO WANTS TO EXPAND HIS GORE-IZONS, TOO, IN A TASTELESS TRICK CALLED WELL COOKED HAMS.
WELL COOKED HAMS RISE UP, RISE UP, GLORIOUS FIRE, FLICKERING FRIEND, RISE UP.
RISE UP! RISE UP! YES! RISE, OH, MAGIC FLAME.
RISE HIGHER AND HIGHER AND HIGHER AND HIGHER.
RISE! RISE, I SAID.
BACK! BACK, FLAME, BACK.
BACK.
BACK, I SAY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY BEAUTIFUL ASSISTANT, THE LOVELY GRETA.
SAP! AND NOW, FROM DEADLY FIRE, COMES VIBRANT, BOUNTIFUL LIFE.
WHAT?! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WALKED OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ACT! MY HANDS WERE ON FIRE, YOU IDIOT! WHAT, THAT'S MY FAULT? "YOU'RE GOING TO BE HUGE," YOU SAID! "ZORBIN TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING.
WE CARRY ON THE ACT AND BE EVEN BIGGER THAN HE WAS!" YOU SAID.
IMPROVE MY ARRANGEMENT WITH ZORBIN.
ALL OF THIS FOR 20% OF NOTHING! MAYBE IF YOU DID YOUR JOB RIGHT FOR A CHANGE! I DO MY JOB FINE, BUT YOU'RE INCOMPETENT! IF ZORBIN WERE HERE TO SEE WHAT YOU DID TONIGHT, IN HIS NAME! HE'D SLIT HIS OWN THROAT! IN THE 3 MONTHS SINCE ZORBIN DISAPPEARED, YOU HAVE TAKEN HIS GREAT MAGIC ACT AND TURNED IT INTO A JOKE.
WE USED TO PLAY PARIS.
NOW LOOK AT US! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS ACT THAT A LITTLE CHANGE OF PERSONNEL WOULDN'T FIX.
YOU'RE FIRING ME? YES.
YES, I'M FIRING YOU.
WELL, IN THAT CASE, YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, BECAUSE I QUIT! NO, NO, SEE, I FIRED YOU FIRST.
SO EITHER WAY, YOU'RE GONE! YOU WILL REGRET THIS.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? ZORBIN GAVE IT TO ME.
DON'T LIE TO ME.
THAT MEDALLION WAS IN ZORBIN'S FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS.
HE TREASURED IT.
HE DIDN'T LET ANYBODY SO MUCH AS TOUCH IT.
WHERE DID YOU GET IT? IT APPEARED.
OUT OF THIN AIR.
YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS.
WHERE IS HE? LAST ZORBIN WALKED OFF STAGE, HE NEVER CAME BACK.
YOU KILLED HIM.
YES.
YES, I KILLED HIM.
I PUT A BULLET IN HIS BRAIN.
I PUT POISON IN HIS BRANDY AND HAD AN ELEPHANT STEP ON HIS HEAD! I'M GOING TO THE POLICE! WHERE IS THE BODY? WHERE'S YOUR PROOF? ZORBIN WAS SO GOOD AT DISAPPEARING, WASN'T HE? WHERE'S THE MAGIC? WHERE'S THE MAGIC? I'LLGIVE ANYTHING.
ANYTHING.
HELLO FRAULEIN GRETA KREUTZEL.
WATCH CLOSELY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS FROM DEADLY FIRE COMES VIBRANT VIBRANT, VIBRANT VIBRANT, VIBRANT BOUNTIFUL LIFE.
GET SOME WATER.
YOU TWO BEHAVED LIKE A COUPLE OF MONKEYS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GESTURE MORE GRANDLY.
WE'LL BE BETTER TOMORROW NIGHT.
IF YOU WILL.
OH.
GET OUT.
I'M RUNNING OUT OF TOMORROW NIGHTS.
AHH! FRAULEINS.
HERR FEDERMAN, I HOPE I'M NOT DISTURBING YOU.
MY NAME IS KRAYGEN.
FRANZ KRAYGEN.
YES? AND? I SAW YOUR SHOW TONIGHT, MY DARLING BOY.
I WANTED YOU TO KNOW I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY INTERESTING.
OH.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHERE WERE YOU SITTING? 'CAUSE I DIDN'T SEE YOU.
I WAS IN THE SHADOWS, OF COURSE.
BUT I ASSURE YOU, MY DARLING, I DIDN'T MISS A MOMENT OF IT.
WELL, BEING AN ILLUSIONIST ALSO, I THOUGHT I MIGHT INVITE YOU TO COME AND SEE MY SHOW, YEAH? YOU'RE AN ILLUSIONIST? I AM THE GREATEST ILLUSIONIST, YEAH.
THEN HOW COME IS IT I'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU? PROBABLY BECAUSE I DON'T PLAY THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY VERY OFTEN.
I LIKE TO MOVE AROUND.
WELL, I'M EXTREMELY BUSY.
I KNOW THAT YOU ARE.
BUT I WILL LEAVE YOUR NAME AT THE BOX OFFICE ALL THE SAME.
YOU SEE, MY DARLING BOY, YOU CAN'T GET IN OTHERWISE.
I'M ALL SOLD OUT.
COME AND SEE.
COME AND SEE, MY BOY.
COME AND SEE THE MAGIC.
NOW APPEARING AT THE ELLINGHAM THEATRE 1 WEEK ONLY "KRAYGEN" FEATURING THE BOX OF DEAD BRAVO! THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.
AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE GRAND FINALE.
WE SHALL PROVE THAT DEATH ITSELF IS BUT AN ILLUSION.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I PRESENT TO YOU THE INFAMOUS BOX OF DEATH.
ENJOY, AS THE BOX ORIGINATED, IT WAS LONG CONSIDERED THE MOST DANGEROUS ILLUSION OF ALL.
BUT TONIGHT, MY FRIENDS, ESPECIALLY FOR YOU, I WILL ENTER THE BOX OF DEATH.
AS YOU CAN SEE, EACH OF THESE VERY SHARP SWORDS IS POISED TO SLASH INTO THE BOXES.
WHEN THEY ARE HELD TOGETHER BY A SERIES OF WIRES AND ROPES, AND EACH ONE OF THEM IS CONNECTED TO ONE SAFETY ROPE HERE.
OBSERVE.
NOW, WHEN THE SECRET OF THE BOX CROSSES THE ASIAN CONTINENT AND COMES INTO TURKEY, THERE WAS ADDED AN EVEN MORE DANGEROUS WRINKLE.
THE DEADLY SULFURIC ACID.
WOW! AH! THOSE TURKS! I WOULD HATE TO THINK WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ALL THESE DEADLY SWORDS WERE TO FALL ON TOP OF THE BOX WHEN SOMEONE IS INSIDE.
BUT THEN, MY FRIENDS, THAT IS WHY IT IS CALLED THE BOX OF DEATH.
REMOVING THE SHOES.
TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING, WE WILL HAVE THE HANDCUFFS.
JA, JA! AND THIS IS CALLED THE SHROUD OF THE BOX OF DEATH.
ONE MINUTE, HERE.
I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
YA, YA, THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG HERE! PLEASE, CAN YOU HEAR ME? OPEN THE DOOR! PLEASE! I PRAY YOU, OPEN THE DOOR! THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG HERE! OPEN THE DOOR! OH, MY GOD! OPEN THE DOOR! AAAAAH! OH, FOR GOD SAKES! REMAIN IN YOUR SEATS, EVERYONE! I IMPLORE YOU! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE PRESENTED TO YOU AN ILLUSION OF DEATH! BRAVO! I'M GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW, MY DARLING BOY.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING QUITE LIKE IT.
I MEAN, IT WAS MORE THAN JUST A MAGIC ACT.
IT WAS AN EVENT.
AH, YOU FLATTER ME SO.
NO, I MEAN IT.
THE AUDIENCE WAS YOU HAD THEM IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND.
THAT IS GOOD OF YOU TO SAY.
HMM.
I SUPPOSE WHAT'S MOST ENTHRALLING ABOUT THE BOX OF DEATH IS HOW REALISTIC IT SEEMS.
I MEAN, FOR AN INSTANT THE AUDIENCE ACTUALLY BELIEVES THAT-- HA! NO, THEY DO.
AND I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER HOW YOU DID IT.
IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE, MY DARLING.
THERE IS A DOUBLE DOOR, OF COURSE, RIGHT? AND THIS FALSE PANEL PUSHES BACK 1O INCHES.
WHEN MY ASSISTANT CLOSES THE DOOR, I PUSH MYSELF BACK, AND I AM OUT OF HARM'S WAY.
SO WHEN THE BLADES COME IN, YOU'RE I'M QUITE SAFE, MY DARLING.
JA, JA.
I JUST STEP BETWEEN THEM.
THIS FALSE PANEL IS ON SPRINGS, JA? NO! AND IT RETURNS TO ITS FORMER POSITION, JA.
AND THE MAKE-UP? HA! YEAH, WHAT ABOUT THE-- THAT IS ALL INSIDE THE POCKETS OF THE BURLAP SACK.
AMAZING! IT'S AMAZING, RIGHT? I MEAN, RIGHT DOWN TO THE HOLES IN THE COSTUME! NEIN, MY BOY.
THAT IS REAL, FROM THE SPLATTERING OF THE ACID.
THE ACID IS REAL? JA! THAT IS QUITE REAL, MY BOY.
I'M IN AWE.
THAT'S I HOW DID YOU DO IT? DON'T ASK.
NO.
PLEASE.
PLEASE! ALL RIGHT, MY BOY.
I WILL TELL YOU ONLY.
BUT JUST THIS ONCE.
JA, JA.
A COMMAND PERFORMANCE, JA? YOU MUST STEP INSIDE OF THE BURLAP BAG AND PULL IT UP, JA.
THEN WHEN YOUR HANDS ARE FREE, YOU BEGIN TO APPLY THE MAKE-UP.
AND THEN, WHEN THE FLAME IS ABOUT TO EAT THROUGH THE ROPE WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MY DARLING? I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.
PUT DOWN THE KNIFE, MY BOY.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE FLAME BURNS THROUGH? SO YOU WANT TO STEAL MY MAGIC TRICK.
I'M GONNA DO A LOT MORE THAN THAT IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS.
I WILL NEVER TELL! THE BOX OF DEATH HAS BEEN IN MY FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS.
DO YOU THINK THAT THE BOX OF DEATH IS WORTH DYING FOR, OLD MAN? NO, NO.
NO! PLEASE, I BEG YOU! NO! NO, PLEASE! NO! OLD MAN, YOU ARE GOING FOR A SWIM! WE HAVE A FULL HOUSE! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S GOING TO BE WONDERFUL! IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT? WHEN I WAS DYING ON STAGE, NO ONE WAS INTERESTED.
BUT NOW THAT I'M DYING ON STAGE MR.
FEDERMAN, LADIES, I HOPE I'M NOT DISTURBING YOU.
MY NAME IS THOMAS MILLER.
I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT AN HONOR IT IS TO MEET YOU, SIR.
YES, SIR.
AND I BELIEVE I HAVE SOMETHING HERE THAT YOU WILL FIND MIGHTY INTERESTING.
NOTHING PERSONAL, FRIEND, BUT I'VE GOT A PERFORMANCE IN A FEW MINUTES.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I AM HERE, SIR.
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A WEALTHY MAN.
MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME.
I SAID I'VE GOT A SHOW.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS, SIR? THIS IS A MOVING PICTURE CAMERA.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN TOYS.
A TOY? NO, SIR, THIS IS NO TOY.
SIR, THIS IS THE FUTURE OF ENTERTAINMENT AS WE KNOW IT.
THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.
MAYBE ANOTHER TIME.
YOU CANNOT BE IN TWO PLACES AT THE SAME TIME, SIR.
I DO NOT CARE HOW GOOD A MAGICIAN YOU ARE.
BUT IF YOU WERE TO ALLOW ME TO PHOTOGRAPH JUST ONE OF YOUR PERFORMANCES AND THEN MAKE DOZENS OF COPIES OF IT, WHY, SIR, YOU COULD PLAY IN DOZENS OF THEATERS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY, INDEED, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, MAKING FAR MORE THAN YOU ARE MAKING NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND MY SAYING, SIR.
WITH THAT THING? YES, SIR.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
SOMETIMES MODERN TECHNOLOGY OUTPACES OUR ABILITY TO SEE ITS POTENTIAL.
BUT, SIR, TO STAY AHEAD IN THIS WORLD, YOU MUST KEEP AN OPEN MIND, SO I ASK YOU ONE FINAL QUESTION.
MR.
FEDERMAN, DO YOU HAVE AN OPEN MIND? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? JUST DO YOUR NORMAL PERFORMANCE.
ALLOW ME TO PHOTOGRAPH IT, THEN SIT BACK AND WATCH THE MONEY AND THE FAME ROLL IN.
WELL, I CAN DO THAT.
VERY WELL.
OF COURSE.
A GENTLEMEN'S AGREEMENT.
AND 70 FOR ME.
A REAL GENTLEMAN.
HOW DO I LOOK? GREAT, MR.
FEDERMAN.
DO YOU HEAR THAT? NOW, THAT'S WHAT AN AUDIENCE SOUNDS LIKE.
CHECK THE MAKE-UP AND THE BLOOD.
IT'S IN THE SACK.
THE PANEL MECHANISM? YOU'VE CHECKED THAT, TOO? IT'S PERFECT.
WONDERFUL.
THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.
I HAVE A FEW TOUCHES OF MY OWN.
ELLINGHAM THEATRE Artist's entrance LET'S NOT KEEP OUR AUDIENCE WAITING.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MY LOVELY ASSISTANTS, RACHEL AND CASSANDRA.
I AM MILES FEDERMAN, MASTER MAGICIAN.
TONIGHT WE'LL PROVE THAT DEATH IS BUT AN ILLUSION.
IN THE ORIENT, WHERE IT ORIGINATED, THE BOX OF DEATH HAS LONG BEEN CONSIDERED THE MOST DANGEROUS MAGIC TRICK OF THEM ALL.
I ENCOURAGE YOU, IF YOU'RE FAINT OF HEART, PLEASE, COVER YOUR EYES FOR I CANNOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES.
BUT TONIGHT, I WILL TEMPT THE FATES AND ENTER THE BOX.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE BOX OF DEATH! AS YOU CAN SEE, EACH OF THESE DEADLY SHARP INSTRUMENTS ARE POISED TO SLICE INTO THE BOX.
AND JUST TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING, WE'VE ADDED A CONTAINER OF SULFURIC ACID.
I WOULD HATE TO THINK WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THAT PERSON IN THE BOX IF THE ROPE WERE TO BURN AND THE KNIVES WERE TO FALL.
FALL! THE ONLY THING HOLDING THEM BACK ARE A SERIES OF WIRES CONNECTED TO THIS SINGLE LINE.
AND NOW TO ADD TO THE MIX, WE HAVE A PAIR OF HANDCUFFS AND A PADLOCKED BURLAP SACK.
HELP! LET ME OUT OF THIS THING! LET ME OUT OF HERE! COME ON! GET ME OUT! LET ME OUT OF THE GODDAMN BOX! SOMEBODY OPEN THIS THING! SOMEBODY OPEN THIS THING! COME ON! PLEASE! OH, GIRLS! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR! SOMETHING WENT WRONG! PULL OUT THE KNIVES! GOD! SOMEBODY GET A DOCTOR! GIRLS, I'M DYING HERE! THANK YOU, GRETA.
SOMEBODY HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME! I OWE YOU ONE, MILES.
YOUR VERSION OF THE BOX OF DEATH IS GONNA MAKE US VERY RICH-- THAT IS, GRETA AND ME, AND ANOTHER FRIEND OF YOURS.
K--KRAYGEN! YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE I WAS DEAD BEFORE YOU GOT RID OF THE BODY, MY DARLING BOY.
THAT IS TWICE NOW YOU HAVE MADE THE SAME MISTAKE.
DUMM KOPH! * TA DA! * ZORBIN? OH, MILES.
ONCE A STUDENT, ALWAYS A STUDENT.
YOU'RE DISMISSED.
ZORBIN! BRAVO! NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT IS WHAT WE CALL A FINISH! MY LOVELY ASSISTANT, GRETA.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ZORBIN THE MAGNIFICENT! BRAVO, BRAVO! POOR MILES! JUST WHEN HE WAS READY TO TAKE THE HACKED ON THE ROAD, HE ENDS UP ON THE SILVER SCREAM! STILL, I THINK HE DESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE TO GET IT RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY-- IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, DIE, DIE AGAIN! AS FOR ME, KIDDIES, I'M JUST ABOUT READY TO GO.
GOT MY PASSPORT, MY DIE-TENERARY, AND MY TICKET FOR THE CON-GOURD.
ALL I NEED NOW ARE MY SHOTS.
AIN'T TRAVEL A BLAST?