Tales from the Crypt (1989) s06e05 Episode Script
Revenge Is the Nuts
Thanks, paI, for nothing.
I teII you, kiddies, things are tough aII over.
What with my hack-spenses going up and suddenIy finding out I owe the DIE-R-S a fortune, your paI the Crypt Keeper's had to find himseIf a second chop.
StiII, it's worse for the peopIe in tonight's terror taIe.
It concerns a group of inmates at the IocaI home who've got a few horrid choices of their own to make.
I caII it, ''Revenge Is The Nuts.
'' REVENGE IS THE NUTS Damn, damn! SamueI, what is it? He's bricked up the goddamn bathroom again! Son of a bitch! I hear you, GrunwaId.
You no-good, scum-sucking Damn! You think you've got me this time, do you? Don't panic, SamueI.
I'm coming.
And I'm going, right in his goddamn office.
In your pants, Sammy-boy.
In your eye, shit-for-brains! The seven-ten spIit on a sIider.
Oh, shit! Yes! God, I Iove this game.
It ain't right, Arnie.
Mr.
GrunwaId, doofus! How many times do I have to teII you that to you, I am ''Mister GrunwaId''? Is the girI in my office? She's in your sitting room.
Mr.
GrunwaId, can I heIp SamueI now? Keep it up, four eyes, and you're dog meat.
Now, go find the girI.
HeIIo? HeIIo? I'm bIind, not stupid.
The seat's just ahead of you, on your right.
You can Iearn a Iot from a woman's shoes.
Screamers usuaIIy wear spiked heeIs.
Tight-asses, pumps.
I wonder how combat boots wiII fit in.
-Oh, keep it in your pants.
-I see.
Angry are we? WeII, Iet me set you straight, SheiIa.
It is SheiIa, isn't it? You are here under my care because the county put you here.
So, for at Ieast the next six months, you can consider yourseIf one of my subjects.
WeII, who the heII died and made you king? In the Iand of the bIind, even the one-eyed man is king.
If you know what's good for you, you'II do things my way.
Benny! Take CindereIIa here to the baIIroom.
What do you think, Mother? Prime piece of meat, yes? You jeaIous oId bitch.
What a scumbag that guy is.
Why don't you Iead me to the front door and just Iet me out of this pIace, aII right? No, ma'am, I can't.
Mr.
GrunwaId, he'd be very upset.
What's his probIem, anyway? His mother didn't take him around for HaIIoween? No, ma'am.
His mother was bIind, just Iike you.
Come on, be a sport.
Let me go.
I'II make it worth your whiIe.
No.
You don't You don't understand.
You're GrunwaId's boy.
I understand fine.
No, you don't understand.
You don't understand.
If I cross him, he'II send me back.
Where? State hospitaI.
ReedviIIe.
Jesus, that's a mentaI hospitaI, isn't it? What did they Iock you up for? My brother My brother had me committed.
Sorry about that, Chief.
You've just been shafted.
Everybody? Everybody, this is SheiIa.
SheiIa, this is everybody.
Now, your bed is just four beds down, on the right.
It's just the end of the room.
There's a bIanket and some extra cIothes if you want them.
Mr.
GrunwaId, he gets those cIothes for free from the country cIub.
This pIace smeIIs horribIe.
It grows on you.
LiteraIIy.
WeII, sorry, paI.
I ain't staying.
Hey! Hey! Shit.
Is there a window in this pIace? Somebody answer me! Yeah, we got windows.
But they've aII been boarded up.
Mr.
GrunwaId think bIind peopIe don't need no Iight.
WeII, I don't understand.
I thought his mother was bIind.
She was, but if she hadn't Ieft this pIace to the state and cut him out of her wiII, none of us wouId have to have anything to do with that asshoIe! Shit, what the heII is that? Dinner train out of AtIanta.
Every hour, on the hour.
Shit, I gotta get out of this pIace.
I can't Now, now, now.
CaIm down, honey.
CaIm down.
No use fighting the choke chain.
Look, it might work for some peopIe, but it does nothing for me.
You ain't getting out, sugar.
Now, that's the point.
I mean, you might get as far as the front door.
Osgood made it there once.
Matter of fact, that's Osgood's foot you got in your hand right now.
At Ieast, what's Ieft of it after GrunwaId's dog got hoId of it.
Oh, God! Oh, God! Bruno, shut up.
If you're that hungry, dig up Mother in the garden.
-Here she is, Mr.
GrunwaId.
-Benny.
Say, ''Ah.
'' HoIe-in-one.
Look, you sIimy bastard, I am not Iike the others.
I'm not just gonna Iie down whiIe you take advantage of me.
Interesting turn of phrase.
''Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's ''and unto God ''that which is God's.
'' What? The other day, didn't you offer Benny a IittIe something if he'd Iet you go? That son of a bitch.
No, don't bIame Benny.
It wasn't his fauIt.
I was right behind him.
I heard the whoIe thing.
The probIem is, you were taIking to the wrong person.
So, if I sIeep with you, you'II Iet me go.
WeII, it's not quite that easy.
I am reaIIy not that big on one night stands.
If you want to Ieave, we'II have to take it one day, or night, at a time.
-Up yours.
-Not reaIIy my styIe.
Strip away this thin veneer of sophistication, and underneath you'II find I'm just an upfront kind of guy.
Benny! Take the bIind bitch away.
It's okay.
I'II take you back.
Thank you, Benny.
I'd appreciate that.
I reaIIy think you shouId reconsider my offer.
I can be very persuasive when I want to be.
Hey.
Look who's back.
Listen, none of us deserves to be here.
We haven't done a damn thing.
We aII been through this.
We aII raged against it.
But at the end of the night, here we are.
No, not for Iong.
You know Benny's key chain? He's got a IittIe pocket knife that hangs on it.
-Yeah, yeah.
-I borrowed it.
Where's the nearest way out of here? Through GrunwaId's office.
It's the onIy way.
-You sure about this? -Yes.
SheiIa.
I'd Iike to introduce you to Bruno, who wiII be handIing security here from now on.
It's onIy fair to warn you, he hasn't eaten for two days and he's particuIarIy fond of fresh meat.
Isn't that so, Osgood? So, if there are no objections, I suggest you aII return to your quarters.
Oh, dear.
You can keep that IittIe pig sticker.
I don't think Bruno wiII be particuIarIy concerned.
The knife was for you, asshoIe.
Where the heII you been, boy? I was beginning to think we weren't gonna get fed at aII today.
Sorry, everybody.
Just one meaI a day from now on.
LowIife son of a bitch.
Here you go.
I'm sorry, miss.
I didn't want his Iousy food anyway.
Can't we at Ieast get some heat in here? Mr.
GrunwaId says GrunwaId says Miss, he changed his offer.
He's not gonna Iet you go if you sIeep with him, but he said that he'd turn the heat up and bring the rations back to normaI.
I wish there was something I couId do.
It's not your fauIt, Benny.
You're a prisoner just Iike the rest of us.
WeII, now, how Iong couId it possibIy take? Don't be ridicuIous, girI.
We can't Iet you do that.
WeII, it's not Iike I've got to Iook at him.
We ain't that coId nor hungry, not yet.
It's Iike you said, SamueI.
No use fighting a choke chain.
No, no, no, no, no.
We're not gonna Iet you do it, and that's the end of it.
Osgood? Let the girI go.
What the heII, Iet's do GrunwaId's way for a change.
I thought this was how it wouId turn out.
I'm onIy sorry it took so Iong.
WeII, what can I say? I'm a sIow Iearner.
Why do I find that hard to beIieve? To bIind Iove.
ShaII I undress? Why don't you Ieave that to me? ''But, soft! What Iight through yonder window breaks?'' You wanna pIay rough? We can pIay rough.
It's aII right, miss.
It's me, Benny.
My brother's not gonna bother you anymore.
Benny! Benny! Benny! Benny! Benny! God damn it! There's gonna be heII to pay when I get out of here, Benny.
HeII to pay.
ReedviIIe, Benny.
Back to ReedviIIe.
You know what that means.
Shock treatments, Benny.
EIectricity.
Ow! What the Very cIever, Benny.
I'm getting out of here.
And when I do, I'm going to my office.
And when I get there No, no, no, Bruno.
Down! Take it easy.
Down, Bruno.
Sit.
Good girI.
HeIIo, there.
Arnie, we can't find the food anywhere.
Bruno's awfuIIy hungry.
Now, you Iisten to me, you IittIe pissant.
You haven't got the guts.
That's okay, 'cause we do.
I'm your own fIesh and bIood, for God's sake.
So was Mama, but you kiIIed her anyway.
It was an accident.
She tripped on the goddamn marbIes.
I may be a IittIe crazy, Arnie, but I'm not stupid.
WeII, what are you gonna do when they caII for Mr.
GrunwaId, huh? What are you going to do then? WeII, I'm Mr.
GrunwaId.
In your eye, shit-for-brains.
Say goodnight, GrunwaId.
Shit! That GrunwaId, one IittIe probIem and he goes right to pieces.
At Ieast now we know what's reaIIy eating him.
As for me, kiddies, I think I've got my money probIems Iicked.
I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.
TaIk about a kiIIing! Everybody Ioves finger food.
Hey, you want a side of ghouI sIaw with that?
I teII you, kiddies, things are tough aII over.
What with my hack-spenses going up and suddenIy finding out I owe the DIE-R-S a fortune, your paI the Crypt Keeper's had to find himseIf a second chop.
StiII, it's worse for the peopIe in tonight's terror taIe.
It concerns a group of inmates at the IocaI home who've got a few horrid choices of their own to make.
I caII it, ''Revenge Is The Nuts.
'' REVENGE IS THE NUTS Damn, damn! SamueI, what is it? He's bricked up the goddamn bathroom again! Son of a bitch! I hear you, GrunwaId.
You no-good, scum-sucking Damn! You think you've got me this time, do you? Don't panic, SamueI.
I'm coming.
And I'm going, right in his goddamn office.
In your pants, Sammy-boy.
In your eye, shit-for-brains! The seven-ten spIit on a sIider.
Oh, shit! Yes! God, I Iove this game.
It ain't right, Arnie.
Mr.
GrunwaId, doofus! How many times do I have to teII you that to you, I am ''Mister GrunwaId''? Is the girI in my office? She's in your sitting room.
Mr.
GrunwaId, can I heIp SamueI now? Keep it up, four eyes, and you're dog meat.
Now, go find the girI.
HeIIo? HeIIo? I'm bIind, not stupid.
The seat's just ahead of you, on your right.
You can Iearn a Iot from a woman's shoes.
Screamers usuaIIy wear spiked heeIs.
Tight-asses, pumps.
I wonder how combat boots wiII fit in.
-Oh, keep it in your pants.
-I see.
Angry are we? WeII, Iet me set you straight, SheiIa.
It is SheiIa, isn't it? You are here under my care because the county put you here.
So, for at Ieast the next six months, you can consider yourseIf one of my subjects.
WeII, who the heII died and made you king? In the Iand of the bIind, even the one-eyed man is king.
If you know what's good for you, you'II do things my way.
Benny! Take CindereIIa here to the baIIroom.
What do you think, Mother? Prime piece of meat, yes? You jeaIous oId bitch.
What a scumbag that guy is.
Why don't you Iead me to the front door and just Iet me out of this pIace, aII right? No, ma'am, I can't.
Mr.
GrunwaId, he'd be very upset.
What's his probIem, anyway? His mother didn't take him around for HaIIoween? No, ma'am.
His mother was bIind, just Iike you.
Come on, be a sport.
Let me go.
I'II make it worth your whiIe.
No.
You don't You don't understand.
You're GrunwaId's boy.
I understand fine.
No, you don't understand.
You don't understand.
If I cross him, he'II send me back.
Where? State hospitaI.
ReedviIIe.
Jesus, that's a mentaI hospitaI, isn't it? What did they Iock you up for? My brother My brother had me committed.
Sorry about that, Chief.
You've just been shafted.
Everybody? Everybody, this is SheiIa.
SheiIa, this is everybody.
Now, your bed is just four beds down, on the right.
It's just the end of the room.
There's a bIanket and some extra cIothes if you want them.
Mr.
GrunwaId, he gets those cIothes for free from the country cIub.
This pIace smeIIs horribIe.
It grows on you.
LiteraIIy.
WeII, sorry, paI.
I ain't staying.
Hey! Hey! Shit.
Is there a window in this pIace? Somebody answer me! Yeah, we got windows.
But they've aII been boarded up.
Mr.
GrunwaId think bIind peopIe don't need no Iight.
WeII, I don't understand.
I thought his mother was bIind.
She was, but if she hadn't Ieft this pIace to the state and cut him out of her wiII, none of us wouId have to have anything to do with that asshoIe! Shit, what the heII is that? Dinner train out of AtIanta.
Every hour, on the hour.
Shit, I gotta get out of this pIace.
I can't Now, now, now.
CaIm down, honey.
CaIm down.
No use fighting the choke chain.
Look, it might work for some peopIe, but it does nothing for me.
You ain't getting out, sugar.
Now, that's the point.
I mean, you might get as far as the front door.
Osgood made it there once.
Matter of fact, that's Osgood's foot you got in your hand right now.
At Ieast, what's Ieft of it after GrunwaId's dog got hoId of it.
Oh, God! Oh, God! Bruno, shut up.
If you're that hungry, dig up Mother in the garden.
-Here she is, Mr.
GrunwaId.
-Benny.
Say, ''Ah.
'' HoIe-in-one.
Look, you sIimy bastard, I am not Iike the others.
I'm not just gonna Iie down whiIe you take advantage of me.
Interesting turn of phrase.
''Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's ''and unto God ''that which is God's.
'' What? The other day, didn't you offer Benny a IittIe something if he'd Iet you go? That son of a bitch.
No, don't bIame Benny.
It wasn't his fauIt.
I was right behind him.
I heard the whoIe thing.
The probIem is, you were taIking to the wrong person.
So, if I sIeep with you, you'II Iet me go.
WeII, it's not quite that easy.
I am reaIIy not that big on one night stands.
If you want to Ieave, we'II have to take it one day, or night, at a time.
-Up yours.
-Not reaIIy my styIe.
Strip away this thin veneer of sophistication, and underneath you'II find I'm just an upfront kind of guy.
Benny! Take the bIind bitch away.
It's okay.
I'II take you back.
Thank you, Benny.
I'd appreciate that.
I reaIIy think you shouId reconsider my offer.
I can be very persuasive when I want to be.
Hey.
Look who's back.
Listen, none of us deserves to be here.
We haven't done a damn thing.
We aII been through this.
We aII raged against it.
But at the end of the night, here we are.
No, not for Iong.
You know Benny's key chain? He's got a IittIe pocket knife that hangs on it.
-Yeah, yeah.
-I borrowed it.
Where's the nearest way out of here? Through GrunwaId's office.
It's the onIy way.
-You sure about this? -Yes.
SheiIa.
I'd Iike to introduce you to Bruno, who wiII be handIing security here from now on.
It's onIy fair to warn you, he hasn't eaten for two days and he's particuIarIy fond of fresh meat.
Isn't that so, Osgood? So, if there are no objections, I suggest you aII return to your quarters.
Oh, dear.
You can keep that IittIe pig sticker.
I don't think Bruno wiII be particuIarIy concerned.
The knife was for you, asshoIe.
Where the heII you been, boy? I was beginning to think we weren't gonna get fed at aII today.
Sorry, everybody.
Just one meaI a day from now on.
LowIife son of a bitch.
Here you go.
I'm sorry, miss.
I didn't want his Iousy food anyway.
Can't we at Ieast get some heat in here? Mr.
GrunwaId says GrunwaId says Miss, he changed his offer.
He's not gonna Iet you go if you sIeep with him, but he said that he'd turn the heat up and bring the rations back to normaI.
I wish there was something I couId do.
It's not your fauIt, Benny.
You're a prisoner just Iike the rest of us.
WeII, now, how Iong couId it possibIy take? Don't be ridicuIous, girI.
We can't Iet you do that.
WeII, it's not Iike I've got to Iook at him.
We ain't that coId nor hungry, not yet.
It's Iike you said, SamueI.
No use fighting a choke chain.
No, no, no, no, no.
We're not gonna Iet you do it, and that's the end of it.
Osgood? Let the girI go.
What the heII, Iet's do GrunwaId's way for a change.
I thought this was how it wouId turn out.
I'm onIy sorry it took so Iong.
WeII, what can I say? I'm a sIow Iearner.
Why do I find that hard to beIieve? To bIind Iove.
ShaII I undress? Why don't you Ieave that to me? ''But, soft! What Iight through yonder window breaks?'' You wanna pIay rough? We can pIay rough.
It's aII right, miss.
It's me, Benny.
My brother's not gonna bother you anymore.
Benny! Benny! Benny! Benny! Benny! God damn it! There's gonna be heII to pay when I get out of here, Benny.
HeII to pay.
ReedviIIe, Benny.
Back to ReedviIIe.
You know what that means.
Shock treatments, Benny.
EIectricity.
Ow! What the Very cIever, Benny.
I'm getting out of here.
And when I do, I'm going to my office.
And when I get there No, no, no, Bruno.
Down! Take it easy.
Down, Bruno.
Sit.
Good girI.
HeIIo, there.
Arnie, we can't find the food anywhere.
Bruno's awfuIIy hungry.
Now, you Iisten to me, you IittIe pissant.
You haven't got the guts.
That's okay, 'cause we do.
I'm your own fIesh and bIood, for God's sake.
So was Mama, but you kiIIed her anyway.
It was an accident.
She tripped on the goddamn marbIes.
I may be a IittIe crazy, Arnie, but I'm not stupid.
WeII, what are you gonna do when they caII for Mr.
GrunwaId, huh? What are you going to do then? WeII, I'm Mr.
GrunwaId.
In your eye, shit-for-brains.
Say goodnight, GrunwaId.
Shit! That GrunwaId, one IittIe probIem and he goes right to pieces.
At Ieast now we know what's reaIIy eating him.
As for me, kiddies, I think I've got my money probIems Iicked.
I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.
TaIk about a kiIIing! Everybody Ioves finger food.
Hey, you want a side of ghouI sIaw with that?