TaleSpin (1990) s01e05 Episode Script

I Only Have Ice for You

[male voice]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Spin it!
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Let's begin it.
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Friends for life through
thick and thin with another tale to spin
All the trouble we get in
with another tale to spin
Spin it!
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
oh-oh oh-oh oh
Spin it, my friend.
Oh-ee-yeah, oh-ee-yeah
Oh-ee-yo, oh-ee-yo
Oh-ee-yeah, oh-ee-yeah
Oh-ee-yo, oh-ee-yo
Spin it, let's begin it,
bear and grin it when you're in it
You can win it in a minute
when you spin it, spin it, spin it
Ha ha!
So spin it
TaleSpin! ♪
Pirates to the left,
pirates to the right
Guns ablazing! [mimics machine gun]
Four air pirates at once
and they never touched me.
Us freelance pilots are the best, eh?
Look, citizen.
Shere Khan hires only the best pilots.
We fly for Khan,
therefore we are the best.
Hey, man. Easy on the haberdashery.
Pardon me. But which are the best?
The freelancers or Khan's pilots?
[airplane zooms]
Ha ha! There's your answer
right there, man.
The world's primo pilot, Baloo.
Snow or warm, pirates or storm,
that guy can handle anything.
Wanna meet him?
Hey, Louie. Trimmed your hedges
for you on the way in.
Thanks, cousin.
Maybe he should get a job as a gardener.
How about a Mango Fandango
for the top dog
on the Air Ace Wall of Fame?
Coming up, spud.
But first I want to introduce a new fan
to my main man.
Allow me to present Oh.
He was here a second ago.
[engines start up]
The Sea Duck!
- The Sea Duck?!
- Somebody's taking her off.
Plane-nappers! Becky, call the cops!
Joyride's over, you dirty Huh?
- [bleeping]
- What do you want?
What do I want?
Who do you think you?! Aah!
Uh, can we talk?
That is Professor Martin Torque.
He's rented the Sea Duck
for a large amount of money
to test his new invention,
the Auto-Aviator.
That overgrown blender's
going to fly my airplane?
No. That overgrown blender's
going to fly my airplane.
Now get back in there and apologize
and try to be nice.
Nice is my middle name.
Hey, sorry about busting in
on you like that. Baloo's the name.
So quite a gadget you've got there.
This "gadget" represents
the future of aviation.
Yeah. And I'm the propeller fairy.
Unlike ordinary pilots, the Auto-Aviator
never deviates from its flight plan.
- It is the ultimate pilot.
- [electronic voice] Ultimate.
- Efficient.
- Efficient.
- Obedient.
- Obedient.
- Stupid.
- Stupid.
Hey, I'm starting to like this boy.
The Auto-Aviator's
designed to repulse interference.
It must have sensed hostile intent.
Ooh I'll show him hostile intent.
Ha ha! Now, no hard feelings.
Say, did Becky tell you about
the alterations I've made in this plane?
Such as?
Oh, for instance,
like that blue button there.
That button's OK,
but never ever touch that red button.
Blue button, OK. Red button, bad.
Oh. Or is it the red button's good
and the blue button's bad?
After this test is over,
we'll see who's clever.
[Baloo] They've been gone for hours.
My poor baby's probably just
a mile-long pile of parts by now.
- [plane roars]
- Not necessarily. Here she comes.
With or without wings?
Wow! That robot can fly!
I mean flies OK for a machine.
Baloo? Wait up.
- Gangway!
- Reporters? Who called them?
One guess.
[reporter] A mechanical pilot?
What's it called?
All right, all right.
I will answer all your questions.
But first I'd like to introduce
that ace of the skies, Baloo.
- Come on up here.
- What?
Take a good look, boys.
Before you
is the best pilot there ever was.
Well, now, since you put it that way
- This way, ace.
- Over here.
Yes. Here they are,
together for the last time,
the pilot of the past
with the pilot of the future.
The Auto-Aviator!
Now, wait a minute!
That overgrown waffle iron's no pilot.
A real pilot can handle storms
and air pirates and stuff like that.
My pilot can fly day and night.
It never eats, never sleeps.
Never deviates from its flight path.
You and your kind
are like the dinosaurs.
Decaying, defective and defunct.
Oh, yeah? Well, defunct this!
Ah. Such a crude individual.
A mindless menial, Mr. Khan.
The tests are complete.
My machine is perfect.
Shall I put you down
for, say, a dozen Auto-Aviators?
I haven't said I'd buy anything.
Baloo may be correct. Perhaps
your robot can't handle all situations.
Are you going
to believe that barnstormer?
Calm yourself, Professor.
If there were a test against
a real pilot and the Auto-Aviator won,
I might consider buying,
say, a thousand of your mechanical men.
- A thousand?!
- Think about it.
- But-but
- Good evening.
All right, Mr. Khan.
I'll prove I've built the perfect pilot.
And in the process I'll destroy Baloo.
Destroy Baloo.
Great, Baloo. Your little outburst
played right into Torque's plan.
You mean he wanted a black eye?
He wanted to get on the front page
and you got him there!
You can't let
every little insult upset you.
You've got to stay calm, cool. Like me.
So why are you running around like
a chicken with your feathers in a knot?
Because I'm expecting a visit
from a very important client.
- Short guy, glasses, bad toupee?
- Yes.
- Somebody beat you to it.
- What?!
- Stop touching my client!
- He's my client now.
That's ridiculous! Isn't it?
Actually, Professor Torque convinced me
that I need an Auto-Aviator.
It's cheaper than
your old-fashioned cargo service.
But we've phone calls,
meetings, lunches!
I've listened to your frozen okra
stories for a solid week!
Easy, Miss Calm and Composed.
Look, Doc, I'm tired of hearing
about that tinplated doohickey.
Are you challenging my Auto-Aviator?
Well, uh Yeah!
Ah! A contest.
For the future of aviation.
Baloo versus the Auto-Aviator.
The winner
will be the world's best pilot.
And may the best pilot win.
Here are the rules.
You fly to Tundra City, pick up
the cargo and return to Cape Suzette.
Round trip about 40 hours.
Any questions?
Yeah. Why don't you start
sewing my name on the winner's sash.
That's Baloo with two "oohs".
Pilots to the starting line.
- This is gonna be too easy.
- On your marks
Don't blow this race, Baloo,
or Khan's pilots will be out of jobs.
Don't blow it, Baloo, or us
freelance pilots will be out of jobs.
- Get set
- Lose this and we're out of business.
- Good luck, Baloo!
- Don't worry, Lil' Britches.
With Papa Bear at the controls,
this contest is no contest.
[engines start up]
I sure hope so.
Should have got me
some more shuteye last night.
Oh, man.
This race is getting to be a drag.
Where's the cargo?
I suppose a couple of winks
couldn't hurt.
[airplane approaches]
No! No gadget's gonna beat this bear.
One side. Outta my way!
Oh! Think awake! Alert!
Time for Plan A.
[loud music plays]
Come on. Wake up.
Better try Plan B.
Gotta beat the machine.
Gotta beat the machine.
Gotta Gotta
This is just a dream. You're not real.
Oh, we're real.
You're the one
who's been living in a dream.
[evil laugh]
[electronic beeping]
No! Oh, man.
I really thought I was in trouble!
- [bleeping]
- Missed the last refueling stop.
Come on, baby. Tell Papa Bear
you got a little gas left.
No, huh?
Oh. Not bad.
One bent pontoon strut.
One dent in the fuselage.
[airplane zooms]
And one busted career.
No, no. Don't say anything.
Extra! Extra! Robot wins race.
New age dawns for aviation.
[newsreel] The world
of aviation is in a tailspin
as Shere Khan buys exclusive rights
from Professor Martin Torque
for his new invention, the Auto-Aviator.
Khan Industries
are working around the clock.
Cheap and efficient, these amazing
robots have taken over the skies.
The city's other shipping companies
are grounded
and their pilots are out of work,
left without a wing or a prayer.
Amazing. I love this doodad.
A mechanical pilot.
It flies here, it flies there
and always in the straight line.
They call it "the modern-day miracle."
Well, my plundering protegés,
I call it "the sitting duck"! Ha ha!
Well, guess that does it.
Yes. I know what I owe you.
I just can't pay.
Business is slow for everyone.
What?! Same to you, buddy!
- Uh, wrong number.
- Mommy!
Wildcat's telling fibs.
He said we're gonna close.
He said Baloo's going away.
Wildcat's not fibbing, doll.
No! You can't go! I won't let you!
[sobs] I won't let you.
Molly, try to understand.
I can't compete with Khan's robots.
Are we gonna be poor?
No, we're not.
A broker's coming over to help us.
He's going to buy the Sea Duck.
- What?!
- Let it go, Lil' Britches. Let it go.
You could have warned him.
Given him a chance to say goodbye.
I wanted to. It's just
I wish I'd never rented the Sea Duck
to that lousy inventor.
[car approaches]
Oh, great. The broker. Catch!
The keys to the Sea Duck?
What are these for?
For Baloo. Tell him to take the plane
for a spin. Just tell him to hurry.
Why, hello. I meant to call.
We had to give the Sea Duck one last
A toast to the Auto-Aviator.
The greatest invention in history.
[radio] 'Allo, robot person.
It is I, the spectaculous Don Karnage.
My bloodthirsty horde and I
are on an intercept course with you.
We will be shooting you
and looting you
in precisely ten minutes.
Boy, I am one scary guy.
Professor, you may instruct your robot
to change course
and evade the pirates.
Turn right. Come to course 140.
Deviation from flight plan
is unacceptable.
This is your inventor speaking.
Turn right.
Deviation from flight plan
is unacceptable.
- Problems, Professor?
- Yeah.
Well, actually, I wasn't
expecting to deal with pirates.
A perfect pilot
must handle any situation.
You told me your tin men were perfect.
But what do you want me to do?
I suggest you call for help.
Why do you guys even hang out
with a loser like me?
Come on. We like being with you.
You're our buddy. You're the best.
Besides, we got nothing else to do
Oh, sorry.
[radio] Mayday! Mayday!
This is Shere Khan's plane calling.
Oh, sit down.
Whoever's listening, your assistance
will be handsomely rewarded.
In a few moments we will be attacked
by pirates near Mount Rozika.
That's just north of here.
Baloo, shouldn't we do something?
No, thank you.
Let Torque's wonder widget
save their hides.
Oh, pity.
Those pirates will cut 'em to ribbons,
slice them to smithereens.
Yeah. Blast 'em into itty-bitty,
teeny-weeny, tiny-winey
Of course, a real pilot could save them.
Now, where could we find a pilot
who could?
All right. I get the message.
Come on. We're flying.
This is your inventor speaking.
Take evasive
- [electronic buzzing]
- Aagh!
Deviation from flight plan
is unacceptable.
I am losing patience, Professor.
As soon as I'm aboard,
get her out of here. Got it?
Got it.
- [pounding]
- Pirates! We're doomed!
Hiya, boys? How's it going?
Ah, Baloo.
We've hit a bit of a snag
with the professor's contraption.
- Any suggestions?
- [gunfire]
Got a bottle of soda pop?
This is like taking candy
from a sitting baby duck off a log.
Oh, Auto, I think
you've been working too hard.
Time to cool off.
Quiet, Professor.
Let a real pilot handle this.
[Karnage] Oh. That ugly
pilot machine looks like Baloo.
That's funny. It also flies like Baloo.
No, no, no. Shoot the bear.
- Not your own disgusting selves.
- [clanking]
My wonderfully brilliant mind tells me
it may be time
for a strategic withdrawal.
- Say what?
- Run away!
That was more than adequate.
Thanks, Khaney. You ought to see me
when I'm really adequate.
Yes. I could imagine.
- [buzzing]
- If you'll excuse me a moment.
You've disappointed me, Professor.
Worse, you have deceived me.
- But I have a solution.
- You You do?
You give me back all my money
and I'll give you back
all your cretinous contraptions.
Tell me the truth now.
How does that sound to you?
Sounds fair! Sounds fair!
[radio] Dateline: Cape Suzette.
Khan Industries today announced
that it has junked all its robots.
Pilots are to report back to work.
But first
Baloo, would you do the honors?
Don't mind if I do.
I just remembered. You never said
where Professor Torque ended up.
Gone back to the drawing board, I guess.
[bell rings]
Yes, ladies.
It's the amazing new Mechana-Maid.
The answer to your every household need.
They'll sweep, they'll clean
Thaw your oven. Step right up.
Another tale to spin
Another tale to spin
Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh oh-oh oh
[Baloo] Ha ha ha!
TaleSpin ♪
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