Tangled: The Series (2017) s02e02 Episode Script

The Return of Quaid

1 (theme song playing) I got the wind in my hair and a fire within 'Cause there's something beginning I got a mystery to solve and excitement to spare That beautiful breeze blowing through I'm ready to follow it who knows where I'll get there, I swear With the wind in my hair EUGENE: Alright, Cass, here's the last of the water.
Just a few more supplies, and we are ready to roll.
Looking good, Max! You know, Blondie, this might not be the glamorous city it used to be Don't step there.
Or there.
You should really put shoes on.
But part of me is actually going to miss my old stomping grounds.
Huh? Hello? Rapunzel? - (violin playing) - (sheep bleating) (squeaky cart wheels) And what are you starin' at!? I dunno, but it ain't much, ya clod! (mule braying) Huh? Oh! (laughing) Stop, thief! This place is it's so sad.
Yeah, but, maybe now that we've run the Baron out of town, this old city will turn itself around.
(creaking pulleys) MAN: Ladies and gentlemen of Vardaros! (crowd gasps) Or, this could happen.
You may have noticed that the sudden departure of our beloved Baron has left a conspicuous vacancy in this city's management.
Well, good news The position has been filled! - Is that Weasel? - Weasel.
The Baron's right hand man.
With that sadistic egomaniac in charge, you can bet things are about to get a lot uglier around here.
I got plans for my city.
- In a word: Expansion.
- (crowd gasps) Any neighboring field, forest, or fjord now belongs to me.
And, people, growth like that requires capital.
So, I've come to collect.
(gasp) Hey! (dramatic music) Alright, Raps, I know you see people in trouble, but this isn't our fight.
Don't do anything Ugh.
Hey! Weasel! Leave the people of Vardaros alone! Ah.
Princess, still in town? Let me see you out.
(snaps fingers) Oh! Ugh! C'mon You don't mind if we stick around for a little bit, do you? (angry grunt) (strained groaning) Hoo! Yah! (panicked cries) (Pascal squeaks) You fancy you're helping these people, don't you, princess? They know I'll be back.
Only now, I'll bring extra muscle.
In four days' time, we'll be taking it all, thanks to you! (crowd grumbling) - Thanks a lot, Princess! - Yeah, beat it, ya clod! You're not wanted here! Pfft! Vardaros is no place for heroes.
Look, I'm all for helping the little guy, but say we fight Weasel when he gets back, we can't stay here, and beat him up forever.
Though, pummeling that guy is kind of satisfying, Eugene is right.
Yeah, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
Take it from a guy who is a pro at helping himself.
Don't mind if I do.
(Maximus huffs) You know, I keep hearing how great this city used to be.
Well, greatness does not go away.
It may get beaten down, or hide itself from fear or doubt, but it does not go away.
You, of all people, should know that sometimes, all that's needed to get the best of what's inside of you, is a little help.
So, I say, we go out there, go door to door, if we have to, and rally these people to take a stand.
Because if we can inspire one person, just one person, - then the battle is half won! - Yeah! (sigh) I can't believe we couldn't inspire one person.
Oh, I don't know.
That lovely young lady handing out fish seemed inspired.
That was a seagull.
No, I'm pretty sure that was a rainbow trout.
RAPUNZEL: I don't get it! Why won't these people let me help them? (sigh) VEX: Because you're an outsider.
Also, you're a naive princess who insists the glass is half full, even when it's obviously bone dry.
That's a really annoying trait.
Especially here.
You're basically everything people in this city despise.
(quiet growling) You could've stopped at outsider, but OK, get it.
(chuckles) The people need someone they trust.
- Someone who can offer - (nickering) a long-term solution.
Someone they look up to (Pascal squeaks) - (music stops) - (squawks) Captain Quaid.
He was sheriff of Vardaros back in the day.
And he was the first guy to ever arrest us.
And the second.
And the third.
(sniffle) In a way, he was family.
LANCE: Captain Quaid the Blade, we called him.
He was known for his cunning, strength, and bravery! But, above all else, he was proud of his city.
His pride was infectious.
People loved Quaid, and they loved Vardaros.
RAPUNZEL: What happened to him? VEX: He quit.
Or, at least, that's what I was told.
It was before my time, but the few people who are still here from the glory days, say he met his match.
No one hears much from him anymore.
Do you know where we could find him? I do.
But it's gonna cost ya.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, lemme get ahead of this one here You wanna find a way-past-his-prime lawman, somehow convince him to come out of retirement, and inspire these poor people to fight back against Weasel, and/or any other lowlife who tries to claw their way into power in this flea-bitten city? And you wanna do this all in four days? Do you think it'll work? (sigh) If we say not in a million years, would it change your mind? - (Pascal squeaks) - Probably not.
EUGENE: Well, then.
Let's go find us a sheriff! (bird squawk) RAPUNZEL: I know it's crazy, Pascal, but if Quaid is even half the inspiration Lance and Eugene say he is, Vardaros could be on its way back to greatness.
VEX: Alright! We're here! (knocking on door) Captain Quaid? Who's asking? It's Rapunzel.
Told you everyone hates you.
Uh, Captain Quaid? If you don't open this door, I will, uh I'm just gonna keep knocking.
And knocking! Ow! And when my knuckles start to hurt, I'm just gonna knock with my other hand! You do not want to test the commitment of these knuckles, Mister.
Hi! Three minutes.
Not a grain more.
Hey-ya! Quaid! Remember us? The "not guilty twins?" You degenerates stay out here.
Touch, look at, or breathe on anything, I'll get you where you sleep.
That clear? - Ah, family.
- There's nothing like it.
RAPUNZEL: Okay, so here's my idea.
The people of Vardaros need Quaid the Blade to stand up against Weasel.
Ha! Believe me, the people of Vardaros need a lot more than that.
What's this? Funny you should ask.
Best honey in Vardaros.
My friends here work like a single, well-oiled machine.
Together, they gather all sorts of varietals.
We make buckwheat honey, orange blossom honey, kudzu honey Oops! Looks like he just got a face full of pheromones.
What are those? It's like a love potion for bees.
They think they got themselves a new queen.
(Maximus whinnying) Listen, Vardaros' heyday is long gone.
And now, so's your sand.
(Pascal squeaks) (birds cawing) Weasel's gonna expand, you know.
Every nearby forest, field, and fjord will belong to him.
Do you know what that means? It means, I'm gonna have to get myself a dictionary to look up what a fjord is.
It means you can say goodbye to the fields of buckwheat, kudzu, and orange blossom.
If I was gonna stand up to this Weasel, I'm awful rusty.
Don't worry.
We'll help you.
(whinnying) (badge clatters) Alright.
Let's start easy.
Ooh, so close! Alright, Quaid the Blade, let's go.
SHORTY: My yam! Yeesh! (sigh) This was a mistake.
(bees buzzing) Captain? You're not leaving, are you? Weasel can have this place.
We'll find another field.
So, you're a little out of practice A little? Vardaros doesn't need a warrior, they need a symbol, Captain.
The people are Stop with the people, already! The people are the reason I gave up on this city in the first place! It all began with - the Collector.
- (whistling) He was a sword-for-hire.
The Baron employed him when he first started to take over Vardaros.
Real bad guy.
I tried to take him in, and, well, let's just say, that didn't work out.
So, he's how you met your match.
QUAID: The Collector? Nah.
At the end of the day, he's just another bad guy.
I met my match when I tried to get the people to fight back against the Baron and his men, but they just gave up.
If we'd stuck together, like my friends here, we woulda stood a chance against the Collector, against the Baron, against anyone.
But they lost faith in Vardaros.
(sigh) The look on little Vex's face reminded me that it would take a lot more than training to bring that back.
- (sad music) - (Pascal grumbles) VEX: So, Princess, just so we're all clear here, the guy you chose to re-inspire the people, needs to be re-inspired himself.
We just need to get the ball rolling.
And, how do you plan to do that? I'm not.
You are.
(Pascal grumbling) So, what's the plan, Blondie? Uh, Lance, how is your acting? My acting!? (laughs) You are looking at the star of Vardaros' own, "A Walk in the Bushes!" (ballet music) I was the bush.
(fanfare) Please tell me you have a backup plan.
(ominous music) What we doing here? Upholding my promise to the people of Vardaros.
I said I'd be back with extra muscle, And he will more than suffice.
You knock.
(unlocking) (growling) I have a job for you (townsfolk chatter) SHORTY: Help! I'm in Mortimer peril! Someone do something! Stand and deliver! I am standing.
Okay, Vex, you're up.
Give me thine coin purse! Oh, bearded homunculus! Oh no! A holdup! In broad daylight? What can we do? - Oh, look! Captain Quaid! - (crowd gasps) Thank goodness you just happen to be here! (laughing) Oh! Ha ha.
Thou thinkest thou can defeat me? 'Tis to laugh! (exaggerated laughter) I mean, honestly, he wasn't any better as the bush.
(laughter continues) (wild shouting) - Hey everyone! Look at this! - (crowd murmuring) (indistinct) Oh, disarmed! - Oh, the ignominy! - (violin playing) Quaid hath returned like a tempest of justice that rain upon the parched earth of crime! (weeping) VEX: Let's make some noise for Quaid! CROWD: Quaid! Quaid! Quaid! You saved me! My life flashed before my eyes.
Did you know I used to be a doctor? (cheering continues) Ha! Told you, Quaid just needed a little push.
Now watch: hope is contagious.
Huh? Hey, give that back! Oof! (music continues) (Pascal squeaking) (crowd murmurs) (gasp) Kitty! (meowing) - (meow) - Yay! (box smashing down) (music ends) Ah, to Quaid! - ALL: To Quaid! - (cheering, laughter) Oh! I almost forgot.
I made you something.
I couldn't help but notice your old one had seen better days.
Suppose you're gonna throw this thing out? Well, it occurs to me, that every respectable sheriff needs a deputy.
Oh! Yeah, uh huh.
To a new Vardaros! - Vardaros! - (cheering, whinnies) I'm pretty sure that was bee pheromones.
Why is this just sitting here in a drinking glass!? (loud buzzing) (neighing) (whimper) That cloak It's the same one that blasted crook in the town wore.
No, no, this isn't a cloak! It's a towel.
I I was going swimming later.
Vex, did you You never believed, did you? Captain, it's not what it looks like! You staged the whole thing.
I guess it is what it looks like.
I think you all best leave.
Sorry, Captain.
I just thought that you Now! You said that you gave up on this city because no one wanted to fight for Vardaros.
Well, you just made a deputy.
And she's ready to fight! Are you gonna let her fight alone? Sorry, Blondie.
I don't think he's coming out.
(crows cawing) (church bell tolls) I can't believe I'm doing this.
I feel like an idiot.
Yeah, kid, becoming one of the good guys will do that.
Hmm? (woman gasps) Well, well! The princess and her playgroup are still here.
And it looks like there's a new sheriff in town.
I'm a deputy, jerk! Alright then, Deputy.
Allow me to introduce you to a special guest.
He is the most deadly, the most fearsome, and, quite possibly, the nastiest bounty hunter money can buy The Collector! (dramatic music) (squeaking) - (crowd screaming) - Come on, people! Don't be scared! I've heard the stories about this guy too, but how bad can he really be? (growling) There I go, speaking too soon again! (Eugene whimpers) Seeing as how I went through the trouble of hiring him, I'd hate to lose my deposit.
If you think I'm backing down, - you are - (growls) Rapunzel! (grunting) Oh! Collect this! (neighing) (nickering) Ah! Oh! (music stops) So much for Vardaros's new sheriff.
Weren't you listening, you filthy crook? QUAID: She said she was a deputy.
And I'm the sheriff.
Quaid the Blade! How perfect is this? The Collector crushed you in your prime.
What makes you think you can defeat him now? (creaking metal) (neighs) I can't But, we can! (angry buzzing) (Collector growling) (screaming) Come on, people! Enough hiding! - This is our city! - Huh? Together, we can take back our home! You heard her.
Let's show 'em Vardaros doesn't belong to them anymore! (crowd roars) Oof! (pained cries) Ah! (grunt) (panicked gasping) (gasping continues) (crowd cheers) Well, what do you know? These people can smile after all.
It's kinda nice.
Those are smiles, right? (bird squawking) RAPUNZEL: I have a feeling that beneath all the grime, and dirt, and gunk, is a beautiful city just waiting to shine.
(theme music playing) Now I got my eyes open and wide My heart burnin' like fire Feels like I'm so alive I'm never goin' back Whatever I want now, I'm gonna chase Who I am, I can't contain it I'm not gonna hold it in 'Cause there's more of me to give Oh yeah There's more of me to give