Teen Titans Go! (2013) s03e16 Episode Script

Black Friday

"Black Friday" [OPENING THEME PLAYING.]
[ROBIN SIGHS.]
Today I am reminded I have much to be thankful for.
But most of all for my friends.
- Happy Thanksgiving, Titans.
- Hear, hear.
[CHEWING LOUDLY.]
Friends, should we not take our time and enjoy the giving thanks feasts.
[GOBBLING UP.]
Ah.
No time.
We have to get ready for [ROBIN YELLS.]
Black Friday! Lines are already forming.
[CHEWING LOUDLY.]
Oh, the Black Friday.
[CHEWING LOUDLY.]
C'mon, Star.
Shove that can-shaped cranberry log down your gullet.
We gotta get out there before all the good stuff's gone.
[CONTINUES TO CHEW LOUDLY.]
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah, cranberry.
I cannot participate in the Black Friday this year.
[TITANS GASPS.]
But Black Friday is the most important holiday of the year.
[CHEWING LOUDLY.]
I do not care for it.
The waiting in line, the elbows, the buying of the unnecessary items.
Black Friday is the one holiday everyone can agree on.
- Because everyone loves a bargain.
- Standing in long lines, so you can buy things for 70% off is the ultimate act of love.
Starfire, are you forgetting that it is written.
"Half off, 70-inch flat-screens.
A picture you'll love, at a price she'll love.
" That is just the advertisement for an inexpensive television.
So beautiful.
I am sorry.
But I must Uncle Scrooge McDuck you all and say the "Bah! Junebug!" Yeah, cranberry.
[SIGHS.]
I shall retire to the land of dreams to escape the nasty Black Friday.
[GASPS.]
Who is making such a light? It is I, the ghost of Black Friday past.
That is a lovely dress.
No, these are ghost robes.
You look like the belle of the ball.
Oh-ho! Beautiful! These are old-timey pajamas, not a gown! Now, I have something to show you.
Come with me.
- I feel so under the dressed.
- It's just a robe! [GASPS.]
It is the me! It was the you.
That is your past self.
I recall this day.
The Black Friday of last year.
Yes.
You wanted to buy a surround sound system for a low-low price.
I wished for my friend Titans to enjoy - the sound waves from all angles.
- But, look.
[GASPS.]
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
Ah.
Excuse me.
[GROANING.]
Pardon [GROANS.]
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
[GROANS.]
- ROBIN: Oh, so polite and courteous.
- Ah.
If you had thrown an elbow, you could have purchased that item.
- The item was unimportant.
- Was it? Come and see.
Ooh, are we going to your princess' castle? There is no castle! And I am not a princess! Because this is not a dress! You came home and went to bed.
But your friends stayed up to enjoy their new flat screen TV.
Okay, Beastie, light her up! [SIREN BLARING.]
[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO.]
STARFIRE: Why are they so unhappy? [over PA.]
Because of the poor sound quality! - Man, this sounds terrible.
- [SOBBING.]
It's making me hate TV.
- Oh, no.
- They are not immersed in a world of [ECHOING.]
Directional sounds.
Stop this.
[SCREAMING.]
You could have saved them from this lackluster viewing experience.
Show me no more.
[SCREAMING.]
Oh.
It was only the mares of the night time.
But did my actions truly cause my friends such sadness? I should join them.
Even though I will not participate in the barbaric bargain hunting.
[SHUDDERING.]
[TEETH CHATTERING.]
- Hello, friends! - Starfire.
Have you come to celebrate Black Friday with us? No.
But I thought we should spend the time - together, regardless.
- Aw, that's sweet, Star.
- Back of the line! - What? Well, he was just saying, "Back of the line!" The front of the line is for people who know the true meaning of Black Friday.
You need to think about the reason for the season, Star.
Can we not just share in the camaraderie? - No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.
- But [STAMMERING.]
I said, "No, buts.
" ALL: Back of the line! [WIND BLOWING.]
[SHUDDERING.]
[WIND BLOWING CONTINUES.]
[EAGLE CALLING.]
Where is everyone? [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
Hello! [SCREAMING.]
What up, y'all? We are [CYBORG AND BEAST BOY READS.]
_ Come in and know us better, young mortal.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
Can I offer you a burger? - Or would you like a delicious burrito? - [GASPS.]
So many.
- It was buy one - Gets infinity free! But how can this be? If Black Friday lives in your heart, any deal is possible.
That's what's up! But we're here for another reason.
To show you, what you're missing tonight.
Behold! [SHUDDERING.]
- They appear to be the miserable.
- Look closer, young mortal.
[SHUDDERING.]
- Here you go, mama.
- Thanks.
[SLURPING.]
[SHUDDERING.]
- [SHUDDERING.]
It's so cold tonight.
- I got you.
Mmm.
RAVEN AND BEAST BOY: Mmm.
They are not screaming at one another.
And Robin has not struck anyone with his stick! That's the spirit of Black Friday, young mortal.
Don't you wanna share all this with your friends? It would be nice to spend the time of bonding with them.
But, the Black Friday is not the way.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, you sure? [GASPS.]
- Are you sure, you sure? - Stop it.
- You sure, really sure, sure? - Please.
You sure, sure, sure? Really, really sure? Stop it! [CROWD CHEERING.]
Stop! Stop it.
[WHISPERING.]
Stop it.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[SIGHS.]
Only the dream.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[GROANING.]
Friends! Friends! Where are you? [CHEERING.]
Fellow consumers, you do not need to behave like the savages.
[GROANS.]
There are plenty of television sets.
[GROANS.]
What good is it to gain an inexpensive computer only to lose your souls? [GROANS.]
[CRACKLE.]
Another ghost.
Yup.
I'm the ghost of Black Friday future and blah, blah, blah.
Come on.
Are you here to extoll the virtues of the Black Friday? Nah, I'm just gonna show you all the horrible things that will happen if you don't change your ways.
[GASPS.]
My friends.
Are they doing the criminal investigation in this filthy alley? RAVEN: Without you they paid too much for their electronics.
Now, they live here with the rats in filth.
No.
Where is friend Cyborg? Trampled to death, trying to buy a laptop, 90% off.
Super amazing deal.
[GASPS.]
No! Oh, no, no, no.
I will change my ways.
I will honor the Black Friday in my heart.
Oh, please, spirit, please.
What? You there.
The boy.
- What day is it? - Why, Black Friday, miss.
Then it is not too late to make the changes.
Out of my way! [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[GROANING.]
[GROANING.]
Looks like this is it.
[GROANING.]
So much for my reward points.
[GROANING.]
We were so close.
Those low-low prices.
[STARFIRE GRUNTING.]
Starfire.
[CUSTOMERS CHATTERING.]
We have the bargain sale hunt! Move, move, move! [ENGINE REVVING.]
[MUSIC.]
[ENGINE ROARING.]
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
[ENGINE ROARING.]
[ENGINE ROARING.]
I shall have the equipment of sound for mine own! [ENGINE ROARING.]
[JINX GROANS.]
Ha-ha! I can't believe the savings on these consumer electronics, yo! We couldn't have cleaned up like this without you, Star.
I am just happy to spend the time with the friends.
And the new surrounding sounding system.
[RATTLING.]
Behold.
It is I, Buster, the spirit of Black Friday! [TRUMPETS BLOWING.]
[ALL GASPING.]
I wanna thank you, Titans, because of your belief in Black Friday! [TRUMPETS BLOWING.]
the people of Earth are saving like never before! And you Starfire, you radiate the true spirit of Black Friday! [TRUMPETS BLOWING.]
like no other.
Because of you, all of the Titans should be saved from paying full price.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
Whaaat! Not 70% off.
Not 80% off.
But 99% off! [ALL CHEER.]
Shop till you drop, young Titans.
May the spirit of Black Friday be with you.
Always! [TRUMPETS BLOWING.]
ALL: And also with you.