Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s01e01 Episode Script

001 - Turtle Tracks

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell Turtle power They're the world's most fearsome fighting team We're really hip.
They're heroes in the half shell and they're green Hey, get a grip.
When the evil Shredder attacks these turtle boys don't cut him no slack Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Splinter taught them to be ninja teens He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but rude Gimme a break ! Michelangelo is a party dude Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles heroes in a half shell Turtle power April O'Neil: crime-- it's something we take for granted.
it's simply a day-to-day fact of life in the big city.
but occasionally, a crime occurs so baffling that even we city dwellers sit up and take notice.
3 scientific equipment companies, 3 robberies, and what was stolen ? polarity indicators, and, uh, one parabolic sine wave generator.
and what does all that equipment do ? i have absolutely no idea.
but, although the missing goods are high-tech, the method by which they were stolen is not.
these incisions could only have been made with a samurai sword.
and look at this rope.
this can only be the work of ninjas.
the ancient band of japanese warriors.
and how can you tell that from the rope, professor ? well, look for yourself.
it's made in japan.
ninjas--a thousand-year-old clan of assassins.
is it possible they are here in the city ? we're at technology central to answer that question.
for it may be the next target of these mysterious burglars.
i'll report as soon as anything develops.
April O'Neil, happy hour news.
back to you, Jeff.
come on, April, let's beat it.
nothing's gonna happen here.
What are you, a bunch of sissies ? this is gonna be fun.
April, we've got a million bucks in state-of-the-art equipment here.
i'm not gonna let it sit around in the street in the dead of the night.
ha ha ha ha ! we're the news media, for cryin' out loud.
who'd want to hurt us ? uh, them maybe ? the camera ! get to the camera ! i--i think i left the iron on in my apartment.
yeah, i just remembered roller derby's on tv tonight.
oh, and i got an appointment with my, uh, dentist.
we got a message for you from the big boss man.
he warns you should stick to reportin' fashion shows.
ok, sure.
no problem.
he don't believe you.
rip it out ! over there ! this is great ! i must really be on to something hot if they're trying to kill me.
sign-off time, April O'Neil.
chill out, homeboy.
hey, watch it with that thing, pal ! oh, whoever you are, you are dead ! uhh ! uhh ! whoa, weird-looking dudes.
yeah, and they dress funny, too.
i don't know who you are, but thanks.
you're not human ! bingo.
we're dealing with a real mind here.
you're--you're turtles ! yep, so we are.
oh, i can't handle this.
aw, she's no fun.
she fainted.
what the devil ? w-where am i ? some hot tea ? i don't believe this.
ohh i wish she'd stop doing that.
come on, lady.
wake up.
aah ! hey, it's tough trying to carry on a conversation with you, you know ? perhaps some food would aid the young lady's powers of speech.
pizza time ! who had the pepperoni and ice cream ? i want some of the jellybeans and mushrooms.
yeah, give me a slice of anchovies and peanut butter.
this is seriously grossing me out.
she talks, she walks.
how can you eat that junk ? how can you eat raw fish ? blecchh ! hold it, guys.
now, April, would you like to tell us why those men were chasing you around the sewers ? yeah, we don't get many humans down here.
i was doing a story about a bunch of thefts at scientific equipment companies.
hey, i'm sitting here, talking to a bunch of turtles ! and their pet rat ? who the heck are you guys ? perhaps i can best explain.
the story of my young friends and i is really the story of a man named Hamato Yoshi.
in Japan, there is a ninja clan known as the foot.
Hamato Yoshi was their shidoshi-- teacher of the warrior ways of enlightenment.
Yoshi was a quiet man who loved art, but one student sought to usurp his leadership of the foot clan-- Oroku Saki.
then one day, a master sensei-- a teacher-- visited the foot school, and Oroku Saki made his move.
aah ! uhh ! uhh ! impudent dog ! bow before our beloved master ! so, you plot to kill our honorable sensei ! disgraceful.
hmm ! for this misdeed, you should be banished from the foot clan altogether.
what say you, all-wise sensei ? i say throw the bum out ! in disgrace, Yoshi fled to America.
penniless, he was forced to live in the sewers, in these underground tunnels.
his only friends were the rats until one day, some new friends came down the drain.
back in japan, under Oroku Saki's evil leadership hyah ! the foot clan turned into an army of crime.
all: stick 'em up ! back in new york, Yoshi lived happily with his turtles and rats, but then one day so hamato Yoshi found found the turtles covered with goo ? bingo.
you get the feeling all this is starting to lead somewhere ? it was a powerful mutagen.
it caused whoever touched it to take on the form of whatever animal they had most recently been in contact with.
the turtles started becoming human.
they had most recently been with Yoshi, but Yoshi had most recently been with the rats.
then Hamato Yoshi is you ! you got a mind like a steel trap, lady.
my 4 young wards nicknamed me Splinter for obvious reasons.
i, in turn, named them after my favorite renaissance painters.
i knew the outside world would consider them freaks, so i trained them in the art of ninjitsu.
Donatello, whose simple wooden bo can disarm any adversary.
Raphael-- no sword on earth can withstand his sai.
Leonardo-- his swordsmanship is unmatched.
Michelangelo, master of the whirling nunchakus.
and master of the whirling pizzas.
and that is how they became the teenage mutant ninja turtles.
so, do you know who dropped that mutagen on you ? no, but one day we're gonna find him and force him to make our master human once more.
so, what do you think ? i think you committed those robberies.
wait a minute.
did i miss something here ? ain't you up on current events, lady ? we just saved your life ! the thieves were ninjas, pal.
yeah, but were they turtles ? it doesn't matter.
you're still news.
no way.
you put us on tv, and scientists will be after us.
we spent half our lives crawlin' around the bottom of a glass bowl, and we ain't going back.
which means you're staying here until we work this out.
where the devil's April ? she's been gone almost a day.
well, it's not like she was irreplaceable or anything.
look at that-- another high-tech warehouse hit last night.
this story's heating up, and i have to lose my second best reporter.
April wasn't your second best reporter.
well, third best maybe.
hey, i got it ! she stays here with us for the rest of her life.
try again, mr.
look, why don't we just find these ninja thieves for her ? and perhaps she could help us find a cure for Splinter's condition.
if you get me my story.
we'll get your story.
just make sure you leave us out of it.
now, wait a minute.
she's gonna help us ? yeah.
so ? well, uh, no offense, lady, but, uh, you're a human.
she can get into places we can't.
i guess anything's worth a try, no matter how weird.
those 4 weirdos beat the pants off us, mr.
i know that, you idiots.
did you get a good look at them ? did they look like reptiles ? i didn't get such a good look, you know ? get out, you cretins ! they could have been turtles.
i must know.
all right, let's check out the spot where we fought those punks.
maybe they left a clue behind.
are you out of your shell, Donatello ? come on, you think those punks would just leave evidence lying around ? we're not gonna find anything here.
ninja pizza.
what do you know ? dudes, do you realize what this is ? the crucial piece of evidence we were looking for ? the clue which will lead us to the heart of the evil ninja empire ? no, even better ! it's a place where we can get some pizza ! right on ! ok, i'll head up there and check it out.
no, April.
it's too dangerous.
you wouldn't last 5 minutes in a ninja pizza parlor.
i love saying lines like that.
we'd better go with you, April.
that's right.
and besides, we're hungry.
look, guys, if you draw a lot of attention, we'll be in big trouble.
we know all about humans.
we watch a lot of tv.
we're in big trouble.
old lady: aah ! monsters ! aah ! relax, lady.
we-- one twitch, and you're history, scum.
now back off ! nice and easy.
we're gonna get nowhere unless we do something about your looks.
wait here.
here's lookin' at you, kid.
well, it's a slight improvement.
now, just keep quiet.
and don't draw attention to yourselves.
psst ! yo, my man.
three-card monte ? cut the cards, slim.
nice going, Raphael.
only half the people on the street saw that.
i'm Leonardo.
oh, sorry.
fake teeth, goofy noses, get 'em here ! hey, April, why do humans want to make themselves dumber-lookin' than they already are.
i really don't know, Michelangelo.
i'm Raphael.
oh, sorry.
April ? yes ? why do human beings want to make themselves deaf ? i really have no idea, Leonardo.
i'm Donatello.
sorry ! uh, April ? what ?! we're here.
ninja dry cleaners ? ninja shoe repairs ? ninja video rentals ? ninja dentist ? ow ! i can't put my finger on it, but there's something suspicious about this neighborhood.
hyah ! hey, come on ! i'm starving, guys ! don't you guys think about anything but pizza ? not unless we have to.
welcome to ninja pizza, home of the nice slice.
don't you think there's something a little strange about this place ? boy, i'll say.
they don't have pepperoni.
no, i mean those ninjas.
it's just a gag.
come on, whoever heard of a bunch of ninjas hanging out in a pizzeria ? you're a bunch of ninjas, and you're in a pizzeria.
and for that matter, whoever heard of talking turtles ? this April O'Neil is getting closer to my operation.
i blame myself.
i should not have sent a punk to do a ninja's job.
uh, one sashimi pizza and 3 whipped cream pizzas.
eat in good health.
listen, uh, what happened to April ? i guess she wasn't hungry.
"manhattan security services.
" security services ? hmm.
why, of course we can help.
we offer protection to many scientific firms throughout the city.
security team "c, " report to reception.
i've got another scientific equipment company lined up, just waitin' to be cleaned out.
i found them.
send a camera crew to--mmph ! i'm concerned about April.
what is it, Raphael ? a threatening note ? worse than that.
it's the check ! ok, April, where are you hiding ? hey, it's April's wallet.
and over there ! April's press pass.
yeah, i'd know that wad of used chewing gum anywhere.
uh, you get the feeling April's in trouble ? well, either that, or she's got a big hole in her purse.
April's purse.
come on.
careful, Raphael.
it could be a trap.
yep, it's a trap.
there is something weird about this.
clang ? did you say clang ? check those dudes out.
dudes, nuts.
they're robots.
robots ? let's rock ! ha ha ! show 'em some moves, Donatello ! i know that fighting style.
it is the foot technique.
could it be Hamato Yoshi still lives ? hey ! what the heck ? eat this ! where are these guys gettin' their gear, mars ? let's show them that turtles know how to party.
they're getting away ! that's what they think.
come on ! how are we gonna get down there ? like this.
where is everybody ? well, it's late.
they probably went home.
Shredder: so, they are up above.
but who are they ? hey, look, an acme technologies digital video transceiver.
this is big-league gear.
whoa, who's the dude with the metal face ? they are the turtles-- Hamato Yoshi's turtles ! they must not discover my technodrome.
all foot return to the technodrome at once.
technodrome ? where's that ? it can only be one way--down.
April, wait here.
fine by me.
they must be heading for the technodrome.
Shredder: stop the turtles at any cost ! got to get to safety ! we'll drown ! hey, what are we worrying about ? we're turtles.
yeah, but she's not.
i owe you one.
i don't know if i can take much more of this ! hey, look on the bright side.
at least it's not raining.
cowabunga ! the roof ! come on ! we've got to get out of here ! well, i'd say the ninja crime wave is a washout.
this is what the ninja robots wore.
as i feared.
it is the uniform of the foot clan.
my old enemy Oroku Saki must be nearby.
everything about that place went straight down the drain.
the robots, perhaps.
but Saki is no easy adversary to beat.
master Splinter, if he lives, we'll find him.
we turtles don't know the meaning of the word defeat.
that's right.
we never bothered to look it up in the dictionary.
don't you guys take anything seriously ? of course we do.
like what ? i should have guessed.
oh, well.
give me a slice of the bananas and sausage, will ya ?