Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) s03e13 Episode Script
9059-012 - The Ninja Sword of Nowhere
Teenage mutant ninja turtles teenage mutant ninja turtles teenage mutant ninja turtles heroes in a half shell turtle power they're the world's most fearsome fighting team We're really hip.
They're heroes in the half shell and they're green Hey, get a grip.
When the evil shredder attacks these turtle boys don't cut him no slack teenage mutant ninja turtles teenage mutant ninja turtles splinter taught them to be ninja teens He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but rude Give me a break! Michelangelo is a party dude teenage mutant ninja turtles teenage mutant ninja turtles teenage mutant ninja turtles heroes in a half shell turtle power lions gate home entertainment KRANG: Feed in the parameters for the negative magnetic flux.
It's barely dawn.
Must we get up so early just to program a computer? Yes, shredder.
While our enemies sleep, we are wakies, alert, and-- [SNORING.]
Wake up, you slime buckets! Ohh, mommy Do I have to go to school? And get off my buttons! BOTH: Oof! What is happening? My instruments have detected the existence of an alien metal on the surface, one that will help me conquer the earth.
Here.
Take this alien metal detector to the surface, and find it.
Oh, jeez! Another trip to the surface? And to think, I didn't become a professional person 'cause I hate commuting.
[BEEPS.]
Yeah.
Y'know, mornings would be a lot better if they happened at noon.
Oh, for sure, dude.
Ahh.
It's a beautiful, gorgeous new day, guys.
Rise and shine.
Yeow! Make that "rise with a shiner.
" All right, amigos.
Breakfast is ready.
Deep-dish oatmeal pizza with grapefruit topping! That's the trouble with breakfast.
Always the same old thing.
Hey, Donatello, chow time.
How can you guys think about food? Don't you know what day it is? Uh, not-thinking- about-food day? It's national sensei appreciation day.
Wow, they sure do sneak up on you.
We gotta get master splinter a present.
Uhh, like what? That depends on how much we've got in the bank.
Ok.
Who put the sun-dried tomatoes in the turtle bank? Hey, dudes, just saving for a rainy day.
You know, I admire a man who's big enough to admit he's made a mistake.
Maybe we could talk about it over dinner.
[CLICKS.]
H-hello? Hello? New boyfriend? No, wrong number.
What can I do, burne? There's just nothing happening today.
Vernon, you know what they say-- "dog bites man" is nothing.
But "man bites dog" is news.
So? So, go bite a dog! Hmmph! Sure, go bite a dog.
What do I look like, a flea? No, Irma.
Don't say it.
LEONARDO: I guess people only pawn things nobody wants.
Every accordion in the city must be here.
As a music lover, I'm grateful.
Hey, how about this, dudes? Splinter could use it to tell time.
No, fellas, we need something-- oh--special.
Yeah.
What we need is professional help.
Ahem.
We looking for a special present for a special friend.
Maybe something Japanese.
Japanese, huh? I have just the thing.
Fellow who hocked this told me it was an authentic ninja sword.
And that's nothing to be sneezed at.
[COUGHING.]
[SNEEZING.]
This is perfect.
How much? How much you got? Well, that all depends.
How do you feel about sun-dried tomatoes? [CRASHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Yecchh! That's the last time I let you sit on my lap and steer.
[BEEPING.]
OhWait.
I'm already getting a reading.
The alien metal is across the street in that pawn shop.
Let's go.
What? Ooh, we're looking for something.
How about a nice accordion? [SOUR NOTES PLAY.]
Gee, that's pretty.
What we want is far more valuable.
The alien metal is gone! Those four men who just left-- what did they buy? Just an old sword.
It wasn't even sharp.
Swords are made of metal.
This is an excellent gift, dudes.
I want that sword.
Let me have it! You heard him, guys.
Let him have it! It's those blasted turtles! Attack! Whoa! You're like a bull in a garbage shop, dude.
Yeow! Ooh.
Ooh! Ahh! Hyah! Hey.
Not funny.
Definitely not funny.
I like it, shredder.
You look quite distinguished with a pipe.
Whoa! I've waited a long time for this--turtle Sushi.
[LAUGHS.]
Say your reptilian prayers, turtle.
Catch this, melon-head.
Oh, yuck! Now, feel the wrath of shredder.
What's this? Yo, shredder.
Whoa! Uh, where'd the boss go? I don't know.
But I'm disappearing, too! There's something really weird going on here.
Shredder disappeared, you say? Gone from the face of the earth.
Uh, yeah.
If you let the turtles get their hands on that alien metal, you'll rue the day you met me! We already do rue.
I have returned, krang.
Shredder! Nifty entrance, boss.
But I fail to see how a sword can cut through reality.
The metal in it was used to make alien spacecraft that traveled between dimensions in a mere microsecond.
A visiting spaceship left a fragment of this metal on earth thousands of years ago.
Apparently, a ninja craftsman found the alien metal and forged this sword.
Hmm! That ancient sword maker has helped seal the fate of splinter and the turtles.
Yes! I just love it when a plan comes together.
It seemed to cut a hole through thin air into something else.
Yeah.
Talk about sharp! There is a legend of a mysterious ninja sword that allowed its owner to appear and disappear at will.
The sword was supposed to be a present for you, master.
Never mind, Leonardo.
It's the thought that counts.
More importantly, we must retrieve it before shredder and krang can use it for their evil plans.
But how, master? There is one possibility.
Splinter calling April.
Come in, April.
"He pressed her to his manly chest, and whispered her name.
" Irma! Ahh.
Irma.
Irma! Quick, tell April to bring her camera.
I'm about to make news.
[GROWLING.]
April, Vernon wants you to-- April? She's gone.
Ohh! Forget April.
And call a veterinarian! This microwave transmitter should penetrate all the way to the technodrome.
When krang picks up the signal, he'll think he's watching a real news broadcast.
Radical concept, dude.
I'll bet it cooks a mean pizza, too.
Ready, April? Ready! We can never marry, John.
You see, I'm your twin sister.
We were separated at birth during a hospital blackout.
Yes, we can, my darling.
When I was born, an insane nurse switched me with another baby.
Oh, John! Oh, Marsha! It's so [SNIFFLES.]
True to life.
We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin.
No, no! I want John and Marsha! Channel 6 has just learned the location of the secret lair of those mysterious mutant turtles.
Who cares? What? Where? In an abandoned section of the sewer beneath the intersection of center street and 3rd Avenue.
I found the turtles! Who needs John and Marsha? Thank you for your help, but now you must go.
It is dangerous for you to remain here.
I just hope shredder was watching.
I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Shredder! Splinter, you have been a Thorn in my side too long.
It is time to remove you.
ALL: Whoa! [GARGLING.]
Your trap will not work, turtles.
You have forgotten one thing-- I hold the sword! Dude, when he cuts out, he really cuts out! Please.
No pictures.
Aah! Ha ha ha.
Unh! [SCREAM.]
Get me down from here! Huh? Nighty-night, wimp.
Let's see you try that on me! Hey! Ow! Now it's your turn, old one.
Are you afraid to face me without the sword? Only a fool would throw away his advantage.
They've gone! Oh! And I had it all on tape.
Welcome to the back of beyond.
I have defeated you everywhere, shredder.
I can defeat you nowhere as well.
Hyah! And there are still lessons the student can learn from his master.
And a few the master will never learn.
Aah! Where is master splinter? Trapped in limbo, in the void behind reality where he shall remain forever unless you surrender to me.
Surrender, turtles, or you will never see your sensei again.
You have one hour to decide your master's fate.
Rocksteady, bebop, wipe your feet, and follow me.
Do you think you can trust shredder to set splinter free? That creep has never kept his word yet.
I've got a plan.
But we've got to get shredder to meet us at the old auto junkyard.
How? By sending him an engraved invitation? I know.
We'll use channel 6's transmitter to get the message through.
BEBOP: What's in this limbo place, boss? Can't you see? There's nothing.
A void.
Emptiness.
Like the inside of your skulls.
Shredder! Let us finish our duel.
Perhaps in another lifetime.
Unh! Too late, ancient one.
I must be patient.
My time will come.
April! What happened? You look like you were in a sewer fight.
Why, whatever makes you say that? When she comes in reeking of the sewers, I smell a news story.
I knew it! She's onto a big story.
She's not going to beat me out of this one.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
All set, fellas.
Ok, guys.
It's show time.
April, what kind of news story could you find in a junkyard? Vernon! What are you doing here? [SCOFFS.]
Scooping you on your own story.
Yes, we can, my darling.
Oh, John.
John, John.
Oh, Marsha.
Marsha, Marsha.
Oh, no.
Not again.
This is April O'Neill with a special news bulletin.
The teenage mutant ninja turtles have just announced that they will surrender to their archenemy shredder at the crash 'em and stash 'em auto salvage yard.
Oh, at last.
Victory is ours.
Better take along a few foot soldiers in case those turtles have something up their shells.
To recap, in case shredder-- uh, in case you might have tuned in late, the turtles are ready to surrender.
[RUMBLING.]
What was that? I guess shredder got the message.
Yeow! What? Hey, I see something.
Is it the turtles? No.
It's a '57 studebaker.
Ain't it beautiful? Hey! You're exhausting my patience.
Shredder! We surrender.
Now, release master splinter.
What is this, the old shell game? I only see 3 of you.
Get the other one, or you will never see your sensei again.
With luck, this electromagnet will pluck that sword right out of shredder's hand.
Hit the dirt! Fools! You're wasting your time.
The sword is made of alien metal.
Magnets only pick up-- iron--ahh! We have liftoff! Don't just stand there! Turn off that blasted magnet! Right, boss.
Yiii! Let go of our boss! Yeah.
Put him down.
Whoa! Ow! Ow! Ow! MICHELANGELO: Foots up, hand soldiers! How's that again? UhYou know what I mean.
Hey, stop! You're going to break something.
ALL: Whoa! DONATELLO: I warned you guys.
Way to go, Donatello.
You sure trashed shredder's plans.
Come on.
Let's get that ninja sword.
What the heck is that? Wow! An alien spaceship.
This planet is a dump.
These earthlings sure know how to foul up their environment.
But look at this simply fabulous ninja sword.
If you find any more of these, would you set it aside for us? We'll be back on June 3, 2728.
Is that morning or afternoon? Hey, wait! We need that sword to rescue our sensei.
Tough tortillas! We can't let that sword get away! This ought to hold it.
My news van! Oh! My camera! Donatello, this is all your fault.
Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sense the work of the turtles here.
I believe the expression is-- cowabunga! Aah! Master! You're back! So, what's it like on the flip side of reality? It is a void filled with nothing.
Except my news van and my camera.
Splinter! You will not escape me next time.
Master, are you all right? I'm fine, Donatello.
Limbo is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Oh, how am I going to explain the missing news van to burne? Just tell him the truth.
The intergalactic antique collectors grabbed it.
Right.
Vernon will back up your story.
DONATELLO: That reminds me-- where is Vernon, anyway? [MUFFLED.]
April! Somebody! Let me out! Oh, my gosh! I forgot all about him! He's still in that car trunk! Come on, now, the joke's over.
Let me out! lions gate home entertainment
They're heroes in the half shell and they're green Hey, get a grip.
When the evil shredder attacks these turtle boys don't cut him no slack teenage mutant ninja turtles teenage mutant ninja turtles splinter taught them to be ninja teens He's a radical rat.
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines That's a fact, Jack.
Raphael is cool but rude Give me a break! Michelangelo is a party dude teenage mutant ninja turtles teenage mutant ninja turtles teenage mutant ninja turtles heroes in a half shell turtle power lions gate home entertainment KRANG: Feed in the parameters for the negative magnetic flux.
It's barely dawn.
Must we get up so early just to program a computer? Yes, shredder.
While our enemies sleep, we are wakies, alert, and-- [SNORING.]
Wake up, you slime buckets! Ohh, mommy Do I have to go to school? And get off my buttons! BOTH: Oof! What is happening? My instruments have detected the existence of an alien metal on the surface, one that will help me conquer the earth.
Here.
Take this alien metal detector to the surface, and find it.
Oh, jeez! Another trip to the surface? And to think, I didn't become a professional person 'cause I hate commuting.
[BEEPS.]
Yeah.
Y'know, mornings would be a lot better if they happened at noon.
Oh, for sure, dude.
Ahh.
It's a beautiful, gorgeous new day, guys.
Rise and shine.
Yeow! Make that "rise with a shiner.
" All right, amigos.
Breakfast is ready.
Deep-dish oatmeal pizza with grapefruit topping! That's the trouble with breakfast.
Always the same old thing.
Hey, Donatello, chow time.
How can you guys think about food? Don't you know what day it is? Uh, not-thinking- about-food day? It's national sensei appreciation day.
Wow, they sure do sneak up on you.
We gotta get master splinter a present.
Uhh, like what? That depends on how much we've got in the bank.
Ok.
Who put the sun-dried tomatoes in the turtle bank? Hey, dudes, just saving for a rainy day.
You know, I admire a man who's big enough to admit he's made a mistake.
Maybe we could talk about it over dinner.
[CLICKS.]
H-hello? Hello? New boyfriend? No, wrong number.
What can I do, burne? There's just nothing happening today.
Vernon, you know what they say-- "dog bites man" is nothing.
But "man bites dog" is news.
So? So, go bite a dog! Hmmph! Sure, go bite a dog.
What do I look like, a flea? No, Irma.
Don't say it.
LEONARDO: I guess people only pawn things nobody wants.
Every accordion in the city must be here.
As a music lover, I'm grateful.
Hey, how about this, dudes? Splinter could use it to tell time.
No, fellas, we need something-- oh--special.
Yeah.
What we need is professional help.
Ahem.
We looking for a special present for a special friend.
Maybe something Japanese.
Japanese, huh? I have just the thing.
Fellow who hocked this told me it was an authentic ninja sword.
And that's nothing to be sneezed at.
[COUGHING.]
[SNEEZING.]
This is perfect.
How much? How much you got? Well, that all depends.
How do you feel about sun-dried tomatoes? [CRASHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Yecchh! That's the last time I let you sit on my lap and steer.
[BEEPING.]
OhWait.
I'm already getting a reading.
The alien metal is across the street in that pawn shop.
Let's go.
What? Ooh, we're looking for something.
How about a nice accordion? [SOUR NOTES PLAY.]
Gee, that's pretty.
What we want is far more valuable.
The alien metal is gone! Those four men who just left-- what did they buy? Just an old sword.
It wasn't even sharp.
Swords are made of metal.
This is an excellent gift, dudes.
I want that sword.
Let me have it! You heard him, guys.
Let him have it! It's those blasted turtles! Attack! Whoa! You're like a bull in a garbage shop, dude.
Yeow! Ooh.
Ooh! Ahh! Hyah! Hey.
Not funny.
Definitely not funny.
I like it, shredder.
You look quite distinguished with a pipe.
Whoa! I've waited a long time for this--turtle Sushi.
[LAUGHS.]
Say your reptilian prayers, turtle.
Catch this, melon-head.
Oh, yuck! Now, feel the wrath of shredder.
What's this? Yo, shredder.
Whoa! Uh, where'd the boss go? I don't know.
But I'm disappearing, too! There's something really weird going on here.
Shredder disappeared, you say? Gone from the face of the earth.
Uh, yeah.
If you let the turtles get their hands on that alien metal, you'll rue the day you met me! We already do rue.
I have returned, krang.
Shredder! Nifty entrance, boss.
But I fail to see how a sword can cut through reality.
The metal in it was used to make alien spacecraft that traveled between dimensions in a mere microsecond.
A visiting spaceship left a fragment of this metal on earth thousands of years ago.
Apparently, a ninja craftsman found the alien metal and forged this sword.
Hmm! That ancient sword maker has helped seal the fate of splinter and the turtles.
Yes! I just love it when a plan comes together.
It seemed to cut a hole through thin air into something else.
Yeah.
Talk about sharp! There is a legend of a mysterious ninja sword that allowed its owner to appear and disappear at will.
The sword was supposed to be a present for you, master.
Never mind, Leonardo.
It's the thought that counts.
More importantly, we must retrieve it before shredder and krang can use it for their evil plans.
But how, master? There is one possibility.
Splinter calling April.
Come in, April.
"He pressed her to his manly chest, and whispered her name.
" Irma! Ahh.
Irma.
Irma! Quick, tell April to bring her camera.
I'm about to make news.
[GROWLING.]
April, Vernon wants you to-- April? She's gone.
Ohh! Forget April.
And call a veterinarian! This microwave transmitter should penetrate all the way to the technodrome.
When krang picks up the signal, he'll think he's watching a real news broadcast.
Radical concept, dude.
I'll bet it cooks a mean pizza, too.
Ready, April? Ready! We can never marry, John.
You see, I'm your twin sister.
We were separated at birth during a hospital blackout.
Yes, we can, my darling.
When I was born, an insane nurse switched me with another baby.
Oh, John! Oh, Marsha! It's so [SNIFFLES.]
True to life.
We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin.
No, no! I want John and Marsha! Channel 6 has just learned the location of the secret lair of those mysterious mutant turtles.
Who cares? What? Where? In an abandoned section of the sewer beneath the intersection of center street and 3rd Avenue.
I found the turtles! Who needs John and Marsha? Thank you for your help, but now you must go.
It is dangerous for you to remain here.
I just hope shredder was watching.
I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Shredder! Splinter, you have been a Thorn in my side too long.
It is time to remove you.
ALL: Whoa! [GARGLING.]
Your trap will not work, turtles.
You have forgotten one thing-- I hold the sword! Dude, when he cuts out, he really cuts out! Please.
No pictures.
Aah! Ha ha ha.
Unh! [SCREAM.]
Get me down from here! Huh? Nighty-night, wimp.
Let's see you try that on me! Hey! Ow! Now it's your turn, old one.
Are you afraid to face me without the sword? Only a fool would throw away his advantage.
They've gone! Oh! And I had it all on tape.
Welcome to the back of beyond.
I have defeated you everywhere, shredder.
I can defeat you nowhere as well.
Hyah! And there are still lessons the student can learn from his master.
And a few the master will never learn.
Aah! Where is master splinter? Trapped in limbo, in the void behind reality where he shall remain forever unless you surrender to me.
Surrender, turtles, or you will never see your sensei again.
You have one hour to decide your master's fate.
Rocksteady, bebop, wipe your feet, and follow me.
Do you think you can trust shredder to set splinter free? That creep has never kept his word yet.
I've got a plan.
But we've got to get shredder to meet us at the old auto junkyard.
How? By sending him an engraved invitation? I know.
We'll use channel 6's transmitter to get the message through.
BEBOP: What's in this limbo place, boss? Can't you see? There's nothing.
A void.
Emptiness.
Like the inside of your skulls.
Shredder! Let us finish our duel.
Perhaps in another lifetime.
Unh! Too late, ancient one.
I must be patient.
My time will come.
April! What happened? You look like you were in a sewer fight.
Why, whatever makes you say that? When she comes in reeking of the sewers, I smell a news story.
I knew it! She's onto a big story.
She's not going to beat me out of this one.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
All set, fellas.
Ok, guys.
It's show time.
April, what kind of news story could you find in a junkyard? Vernon! What are you doing here? [SCOFFS.]
Scooping you on your own story.
Yes, we can, my darling.
Oh, John.
John, John.
Oh, Marsha.
Marsha, Marsha.
Oh, no.
Not again.
This is April O'Neill with a special news bulletin.
The teenage mutant ninja turtles have just announced that they will surrender to their archenemy shredder at the crash 'em and stash 'em auto salvage yard.
Oh, at last.
Victory is ours.
Better take along a few foot soldiers in case those turtles have something up their shells.
To recap, in case shredder-- uh, in case you might have tuned in late, the turtles are ready to surrender.
[RUMBLING.]
What was that? I guess shredder got the message.
Yeow! What? Hey, I see something.
Is it the turtles? No.
It's a '57 studebaker.
Ain't it beautiful? Hey! You're exhausting my patience.
Shredder! We surrender.
Now, release master splinter.
What is this, the old shell game? I only see 3 of you.
Get the other one, or you will never see your sensei again.
With luck, this electromagnet will pluck that sword right out of shredder's hand.
Hit the dirt! Fools! You're wasting your time.
The sword is made of alien metal.
Magnets only pick up-- iron--ahh! We have liftoff! Don't just stand there! Turn off that blasted magnet! Right, boss.
Yiii! Let go of our boss! Yeah.
Put him down.
Whoa! Ow! Ow! Ow! MICHELANGELO: Foots up, hand soldiers! How's that again? UhYou know what I mean.
Hey, stop! You're going to break something.
ALL: Whoa! DONATELLO: I warned you guys.
Way to go, Donatello.
You sure trashed shredder's plans.
Come on.
Let's get that ninja sword.
What the heck is that? Wow! An alien spaceship.
This planet is a dump.
These earthlings sure know how to foul up their environment.
But look at this simply fabulous ninja sword.
If you find any more of these, would you set it aside for us? We'll be back on June 3, 2728.
Is that morning or afternoon? Hey, wait! We need that sword to rescue our sensei.
Tough tortillas! We can't let that sword get away! This ought to hold it.
My news van! Oh! My camera! Donatello, this is all your fault.
Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sense the work of the turtles here.
I believe the expression is-- cowabunga! Aah! Master! You're back! So, what's it like on the flip side of reality? It is a void filled with nothing.
Except my news van and my camera.
Splinter! You will not escape me next time.
Master, are you all right? I'm fine, Donatello.
Limbo is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Oh, how am I going to explain the missing news van to burne? Just tell him the truth.
The intergalactic antique collectors grabbed it.
Right.
Vernon will back up your story.
DONATELLO: That reminds me-- where is Vernon, anyway? [MUFFLED.]
April! Somebody! Let me out! Oh, my gosh! I forgot all about him! He's still in that car trunk! Come on, now, the joke's over.
Let me out! lions gate home entertainment