Terrahawks (1983) s02e03 Episode Script

Play it Again, Sram

1 Terrahawks, stay on this channel.
This is an emergency.
And so, here from the famous studio in the sky at World Network's fabulous TV city we come to the final moments in the World's Song Contest.
So let's hear it for our four fab finalists.
Winner of the North Sector heats "Long Nights with You" performed by the talented Miss Hevor Olsen.
For the South, "Outback Blues" sung by the Aussie answer to the energy gap Rod Stalwart.
Let's hear it for Rod.
And representing the East "Katrina" by that terrific trio, Kay, Gee and Bee.
And finally for the West, the beautiful Miss Kate Kestrel with "SOS Mr Tracy".
You're gonna make it, Kate.
The audience thinks you're great! And now, a word from our sponsors.
Flaming thunderbolts! Get on with the vote, you clowns.
Why iz there no French song? Because, Dix Huet, it was no good.
He, he, he, hum! Mind you, Wales should have swept the board.
Keep it down, you two.
They're gonna start the vote.
All right, juries, now start hitting those buttons.
They're off and they're running here at the World Song Contest coming to you live from fabulous TV City.
ANNOUNCER: The scores are: North, thirty one.
South, ten.
East, twenty-five and West, twenty-four.
HOST: And it's North taking a early lead - HOST: but there's a long way to go yet! - I can't take much more of this kind of tension.
- ANNOUNCER: North now--- - For space' sake, another vote for North! Who in space fire picked these juries?! It's rigged.
RIGGED! Calm down, Tiger.
Come on, Kate.
COME ON, KATE!! And as we come up to the midpoint, there's absolutely nothing in it.
ANNOUNCER: The scores are now North, forty-nine, South, fifty-two - East, fifty, West, fifty-one.
- Go, go go! Come on, Kate! ANNOUNCER: The scores are now North, eighty-seven - South, one three one - MARY: COME ON, KATE! - East, seventy-six, and West, one three one.
- Str-oll on, "SOS Mr Tracy"! This is incredible, I can't believe it.
It is a tie, with South one three one and West one three one.
Ladies and gentlemen, the deciding vote is coming through right now.
And there it is.
The World Song Contest has a winner! Miss Kate Kestrel and "SOS Mr Tracy".
"Calling International Rescue.
" "International Rescue, do you read me?" "International Rescue, come in, please.
We need help.
"I turn my face into the wind.
" "I feel a restless kind of motion in the way she blows.
" "And as the final day begins" - make a fist of whitened fingers" - Oh, Oh! - "'Til the feeling goes.
" - What're you doing? - She won.
I knew she would.
- "I never felt this much alone" - Who won? - Kate Kestrel.
She won the World Song Contest! - So what? - Sheushh! It means she will represent the Solar System in the interstellar contest.
That sounds most interesting! - Oh, huh, huh, huh! Mother.
- Tell me all about it.
Come, sit upon my knee sonny boy.
Yes, Mother.
HUDSON: Where to, madam? Anderburr Records.
I've got a quite a surprise for a certain Stuart Dapples.
Huh, man! I mean, Oh, no, it can't be true - you're kidding! Huh, I mean, you know unpretentious little moi? Hur, hur, huh, hur! You're winding me up, Miss Kestrel.
I'm telling you the truth.
Really? Ah-hur--- I mean, oh-ho, well, I mean, that's utterly amazing, like, um, fantastic.
PRODUCER: What's happening, Stu? What's happening? Yah, right, okay, well, what's happening is right, now, there's a urm, uh, wai-wai-wait.
Right, what's happening is Stuart Dapples, right, okay that's me, Mr Producer, yah, okay? That's me.
Erm--- I have been chosen, like, in person, that is, like there's me.
I've been chosen, to--- Now, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it to compere the Interstellar Song Contest, hur-hur-huh-hurr!! [MARTIAN MUSIC.]
We are the sole inhabitants of Mars.
One of the nine great planets.
So, I have challenged this, this, Kate Kestrel.
She has no right to represent the Solar System.
She only won the WORLD Song Contest.
Challenged her, Mother? Yes, indeed.
Her song against ours.
But we don't have a song.
Come forward, my Lord Wolfgang MOID.
Master Of Infinite Disguise, has assumed the role of the great musician, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
Play the tune you have composed.
It's utterly useless.
Perhaps it was a mistake.
Yes, MOID might have done better if he had been Liszt.
Zelda lives on Mars and is therefore a resident of the Solar System.
She invaded Mars by force.
A lot of people invade a lot of places.
She took her case to the United Planets where it was upheld.
So we don't have a choice.
Yes, we have a choice.
Take up Zelda's challenge or back down and let her song represent the Solar System.
All right.
We take Zelda on.
Where? We must try to avoid any kind of publicity.
There is a remote asteroid, Yazga.
It's been declared a neutral zone.
Zelda has agreed.
The competition will be held there.
Leaving Earth Orbit.
Setting course for Yazga.
Ten ten, Space Sergeant.
Where's that so-called compere? Stu Dapples? He's with Kate in the recreation area.
Ah, what's our cover story? He thinks he's aboard a military starship.
And that's the way we'll play it.
Is the escort assembled? They are already space-borne, Mother.
Then prepare for lift-off! [TENSE MUSIC.]
The song is very good, Mother.
It could win.
I need to be certain of victory.
That is why I have brought along some--- insurance.
Insurance? Yes, a demon of the drums.
Sram, a drummer?! Par excellence.
He has been known to bring the house down.
No, Sram.
Not yet.
Save your thunder for the accursed Terrahawks.
Hey, y'know, this all, like, urm--- Well, y'know, it's a bit weird, you know? I mean, I was supposed to be compering, like, okay, y'know, like the um compering the Interstellar Song Contest, yeah? I mean, like, um, well - what's going on? - Welcome to the Starship Centaurise.
- I'm Captain Burke.
- Oh, yeah, well, erm nice to meet you, Captain.
Er, where does this er, you know.
Erm where does the contest take place then? There's an abandoned mining complex on Yazga.
Oh, yeah, right, a mining complex like, er--- A mi--- Wha--?! A hole in the ground you mean? Don't worry, we've brought all the necessary equipment.
- Lights and things.
- Yeah, but Captain! We are overflying the complex now, Doctor--- I mean, Captain.
It looks like Zelda's already arrived.
We can't perform in here, it's a--- it's a cavern.
Even the best groups have to start somewhere.
You half-wit.
This cavern, as you call it, will witness our greatest triumph.
Zelda's so devious, this has to be a trap of some kind.
Of course it's a trap.
That's why we've planned for every contingency.
Are you and your men ready, Zero? [BLEEP.]
Oh, yes, sir.
We is straining like greyhounds in the slips.
He's getting worse.
Let's go.
All right, Zero, when you've set up all the equipment you know what to do.
Sah! [BLEEP.]
So, we meet once more, clone.
I wish I could say it was a pleasure.
- Are you ready, Android? - I am ready.
But where is your despicable songstress? She'll be here, go and do your worst.
The stage is ready.
My worst! I will! Ah-ha, ha, ha! I certainly will! [EVIL CACKLE.]
Stand by.
Stage lights.
Oh, yeah.
Are we running? I mean, urm.
Okay, hello, one two, one two, one two, okay.
Er, is there anyone out there? We're ready, Earth-scum.
"Earth-scum"? Ho, yeah, that's really charming.
I mean come on, I mean imagine if we'd been going out live, man, you know? Get on with it, you cretin.
Get on with it, yah, okay, right, okay, going - yep.
Right, starting.
Presenting: Zelda and the Musoids.
Introduce us.
Okay, yah, right okay, introduce you, right, here we go, urm - right.
On synthesizer we have, urm Cy-Star! WON-DER-FUL! [PLAYS SOME NOTES.]
Huh, okay, wonderful, yah.
And on bass we have Yung-Star! Ho, ho, huh, huh, ho, ho! That's me! [PLAYS SOME NOTES.]
That's me! Huh, huh, ho, ho! Okay, yah, incredible, I mean like, over the top, you know - OTT.
Okay, right.
And on drums we have--- Sram, Lord of Felony? [HEAVY BREATHING.]
Flaming thunderbolts.
And finally, the group's lead singer, uh-huh--- Zelda.
Vocal backing by the Musoids.
Oh, right, yah.
Okay, Okay.
Right, and--- Zelda and the Musoids! [HISSING.]
You were right, Mary, Zelda's full of tricks.
We'll be ready, Tiger.
A-one, two, one two three four.
ZELDA: Greetings, Earth-things.
I am Zelda, ruler of the Universe! - CUBES: "Who's that bad?" - "I'm that bad.
" "Well, everybody know that she's that bad.
" "Wicked, cruel, vicious, mean, coolest cat you ever seen.
" - "Who's the worst?" - "I'm the worst.
" "Everybody knows that I'M the worst.
" "I'm the meanest queen that's ever been, but"--- "If I try - I could be worse!" [CACKLING DURING INSTRUMENTAL BREAK.]
Be quiet, you drooling half-wit.
"Who's the hag with the evil team?" "Ugly, man, and very mean.
" "I'm the hag I think you mean, I'm lovely, bad and really mean.
" "She'll trick and cheat and tell you lies.
" "My evil eye will hypnotise.
" "She's the killer queen with a mean machine.
" "I’ll blow you all to smith-EREENS!" "Bad bad, do the math.
Everybody move to the Zelda rap.
" "Bad, bad, do the math.
Everybody move!" "Zap that, do the rap, everybody move to the Zelda rap.
" "Zap that, do the rap, everybody, GROOVE!" [SONG ENDS WITH CYMBAL SMASH.]
They're not bad.
I've heard worse.
And now the fabulous Miss Kate Kestrel! Kate's about to sing.
Are you in position, Zero? [BLEEP.]
We is ready, sah.
"Calling International Rescue.
"International Rescue, do you read me?" "International Rescue come in, please.
We need help.
"I turn my face into the wind.
" "I feel a restless kind of motion in the way she blows.
" "And as the final day begins.
" "I make a fist of whitened fingers 'til the feeling goes.
We have a contact.
Intruders are alien.
Two ZEAFs.
What is Zelda up to? "SOS, Mr Tracy, the western world is falling.
" "SOS, International Rescue hear us calling.
" "SOS, I turn my face up to the sky.
" - It's no contest, Zelda.
"I feel a wall of pressure" "building either side of me.
" - We shall see.
- "As if the answer to my cry" - The clone is right, Mother.
This song is much better than ours.
Then we will have to do something about it.
I have prepared myself.
We use my power; we will be safe.
"SOS, Mr Tracy, the western world is falling.
" "SOS, International Rescue hear us calling.
" "SOS.
" - "Calling International Rescue.
Ho-ho-k-ay, huh, what was--- er, what was that, Captain Burke? We'll take care of it.
- Locked on to targets.
- Fire.
We've destroyed your ZEAFs, Zelda.
You've lost.
The song contest and the fight.
Not yet, clone.
Play it, Sram.
Burke, hey, hey, you know, I mean that whole roof, you know I mean, it could cave in, man.
Get down here, Zero.
Get the container ready.
Oof! All right, lads.
Attach yourselves.
Move it, move it.
Let's be 'aving you, then.
I suggest you get inside the container, ma'am.
Right, Zero.
Let's get outta here.
Okay, right, yah.
I mean--- Yes.
Let's move it.
Let's go.
The Terrahawks are getting away.
What has happened to Sram? Humm, humm.
Arrgh! [ROARING.]
OH! The roof's caving in.
Arhh, use your power.
Don't touch.
- How is it, Yung-Star? - Busted.
It's broken.
Yung-Star could lose his nose, Zelda.
Serves him right.
But how would he smell? The same way he does now.
Utterly disgusting.
Ha, ha, ha! I've always said old jokes are the best.
April 2017
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