That '90s Show (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

1
So what's the deal?
Are we doing this or not?
I don't know.
I'm literally wearing this.
Yeah, they're daring us to do it.
Yeah, they didn't think
that messaging through.
Bro, does this count as a lighter?
Uh, yeah.
I don't know if I can do this.
I'm from a famous family.
My cousin did Brett Favre's bathroom.
I'm sorry. I can't do
your Brett Favre bathroom story again.
Guys, we learned about this
in health class.
I think we should just say
Whoa.
- Babe, are you feeling it?
- I don't think so.
Why is Donkey Kong
a gorilla and not a donkey?
It's a lie.
They based their entire empire on a lie.
Yeah, I'm not feeling it either.
Interesting.
Dude, these old flannels are so dope.
Those are my grandpa's flannels.
He's married to what's-her-name.
Wait What's her name?!
Hey, who am I?
Your grandpa's body.
It was there. It was gone.
Just like love.
Leia, do you want to hear about
the Donkey Kong conspiracy?
He's a gorilla!
It's kinda like how Sheryl Crow
isn't actually a crow.
Totally.
Grandpa's body's hungry.
I'll get snacks. What do you guys want?
Raisin Bran.
Raisin Bran.
Raisin Bran!
On it.
Wait, what was I getting?
One, two, three, four!
Hangin' out down the street ♪
The same old thing we did last week ♪
Not a thing to do but talk to you ♪
We're all all right! ♪
We're all all right! ♪
Hello, Wisconsin!
Well, I just I don't know
what to do with my evenings anymore
with these summer reruns.
I would murder someone
for a fresh Party of Five.
If I have to sit through
another Grace Under Fire rerun,
I'm gonna root for the fire.
Kitty, I've got the first haul
from my vegetable garden.
Show us your harvest.
Wow!
I am gonna just slice this up
and put it on some burgers.
Doll burgers.
- What are you doing out of the basement?
- Calling it like I see it.
Oh, here's the kitchen. Wild.
Hi!
Clearly.
So you having fun downstairs
with your new friends?
It's everything I've ever wanted.
Besides Raisin Bran.
Oh, I think we're all out.
What?!
But I I promised Raisin Bran.
If I don't find some Raisin B,
I'm gonna be alone again!
Are you okay?
Well, now, who wouldn't want
to be your friend?
You are smart and charming.
In fact, you deserve a cookie.
If any of those kids give you guff,
I will grab them
by the back of their collar
and toss them into next week.
That's right. He can do it too,
now that his shoulder is healed.
Which reminds me,
are you gonna be able to drive me
to physical therapy tomorrow?
Oh. I'm getting my hair done.
But I'll make it work.
Now, dance with me, you big gorilla.
Okay. Good talk.
- I think this is Leia's room.
- Yeah. Where is she?
Huh.
Pretty sensible sleepwear.
Oh no. She's got high blood pressure.
It's her grandparents' room.
Holding this has become less exciting.
It's the mother lode!
I'm goin' in.
Oh, you'd look so good in this, babe.
Like a hot lumberjack.
Makes me wanna do stuff with you
in the woods.
I just pitched a tent.
Bro, this will make it go away.
This is mine now.
Oh, here you guys are.
In my grandparents' room.
The room I've never dared
set foot in my whole life.
- Is it cool that we're up here?
- Yeah, I'm cool.
It's the summer. Let's have fun.
We should do whatever we want. Right?
Wrong.
- Buh-bye now.
- Get out.
- See you soon.
- Get out.
- Don't be a stranger.
- Get out.
Extra icing.
That was mine.
- We never lock the sliding door.
- We do now.
I'm sorry, Grandpa.
Look, I lived through this once before.
And I'm not gonna do this again
without some ground rules.
So you tell your friends,
no eating my food, no drinking my drinks,
and if they go in my room,
my foot goes in their ass.
You know, people keep all kinds of
private things in their bedroom.
My father kept a whip hidden
in my parents' room in case of a burglar.
Also, he had a pair of furry handcuffs,
in case
Oh dear lord.
I think they think I'm cooler than I am.
Since I got here, it's been amazing.
We smoked
a ham,
and we tapped a
a ham.
I'm worried they're expecting
more ham, you know?
That's an awful lot of ham.
Honey, I think you're putting
too much pressure on yourself.
Why don't you invite them back
for a movie night?
Is nobody listening to me?
I don't know, Grandma.
A movie night? It's not boring?
No, it'll be fun.
We'll do it tomorrow.
We'll rent a movie and make a ham.
Since you kids are so obsessed with it.
I'll get it!
Hey, which one of you yelled at my kids?
Red, it's for you.
I don't know which ones are yours,
but they deserved it.
Oh, that's Gwen and Nate, and thanks.
I'm sick of yelling at them.
Yesterday, I caught Nate
on the roof trying on rollerblades.
I was pregnant with him for ten months.
The doctor said it was okay,
but I don't think it was.
You moved in next door, right?
I waved at you last week, but you were
washing your hair with the hose, so
I am Kitty and this is Red.
Oh, I'm Sherri.
And, yeah, my shower head's broke.
Turns out it can't support
the weight of two fully grown adults.
Oh, well, look at you and your hubby
keeping things saucy.
Oh. Actually, the hubby's
out of the picture,
but the guy I've been seeing
is talking about us moving in together.
How long have you been seeing each other?
Two weeks.
Two weeks and he already wants to move in?
Yeah, he's kinda clingy.
I should probably break things off.
It's too bad. He's got it all.
Good looks, good job, blue Miata.
Hey. You guys mind
if I pop this in your microwave?
It'll take a hour if I use mine.
Sure, sure. It's in the kitchen.
Oh. Kitty, you're a sweetheart. And Red
Yeah.
She has all sorts of things in that bag.
Yeah, she's like a trashy Mary Poppins.
Maybe you're overthinking this.
Could we fast-forward
to the part where you pick a movie?
Oh!
"Fast-forward"! That is clever!
I should send that in to Leno.
It's really important I don't pick
something everyone will think is dorky.
Well, you couldn't pick something dorky
if you tried.
- Come on. What's your favorite movie?
- Um, I guess Free Willy.
Whoa. Dork city!
I'm gonna go ask for some help.
- Stick 'em up!
- Aah! Take my money! Take everything!
My boss never locks her car!
Her license plate says MOVIESLUT!
I know. I don't want to say it.
I'm just letting you know.
Please
Jay, it's just me. I was joking.
Oh. Yeah.
Me too.
Good one.
- I, um, didn't know you worked here.
- Oh.
Well, I didn't want to brag about
being in show business.
Right. Um
So I'm trying to find
a cool movie for movie night,
and, not that I'm super worried about it
or anything,
but what's that one movie?
You know, with all the guys
and the place and the guys?
- Uh, Clerks?
- Clerks, yes!
Get out! I love Clerks.
Kevin Smith, right?
Oh yeah! He was so sexy in that.
Okay. Cool.
Uh, well, let's see if I have it.
Let's see
Ah, crud, it's out.
Some guy has had it for six weeks.
Yo, Jay. I need your help in the bathroom.
It's a Joe Versus the Volcano situation.
Later, girl.
- Come on, Grandma. We gotta go.
- Oh, just a sec.
Pastor Dave, it's Kitty!
I haven't seen you since the potluck.
That was very unholy.
Hey, Mr. Forman.
Look what I found
in your garden of tiny vegetables.
Baby cucumber.
Give me that.
That is normal-sized.
Don't be embarrassed.
Maybe it's a grower, not a shower.
Anyway, I came by
to talk to you about your flannels.
Can I have one?
Why?
My girlfriend said I looked good in it,
and she's kinda out of my league.
But I love her so much,
and I want to keep her happy.
That's sweet.
I had a similar thing
with my first girlfriend.
You know what her name was?
Get out.
Yes, sir.
Hey, neighbor.
Kitty said until I get
my shower situation fixed,
I can rinse my nooks and crannies
over here.
Well, this is my house too.
So you can just take your crannies home.
I'm gonna need to borrow a razor too.
Blue Miata is taking me
to dinner at Houlihan's.
When a guy springs for Houlihan's,
you gotta whack the weeds.
Are you sure it's okay
that we're just showing up
at somebody's house to get a movie?
I'm out of options here, Grandma.
What if we get murdered?
Who's gonna turn off the Crock-Pot?
Aw, man!
Halloween snuck up on me again.
Hey, listen. I don't have any candy, man,
but I do have some matches
and a parking ticket from 1975.
Leo. Hi.
Don't you recognize me?
I do.
Yeah. You're dressed like Kitty,
the lady with the house and the hair.
Killer costume, man.
Did you rent the movie Clerks
and not return it?
Are you guys cops?
Leo, focus.
Hey, if you cops are looking
for Leo Focus,
you got the wrong guy, man.
Please, Leo. This is important.
You know what I've been watching
a ton of lately?
The Real World.
Because think about it.
If that's the real world, what's all this?
This might be a dead end.
Wait. Leo, it is Halloween.
And you know what I really want
instead of candy?
The movie Clerks.
Crazy! I got a copy.
I'll get it for you.
- Wait. So how do you know this guy?
- Oh, he just He's
It's the usual.
You know, he's an older man
who used to hang out with your dad
and his friends when they were teenagers.
Nah.
They would have said something.
Okay, are you the cops
looking for a movie?
Yes, we are.
- Happy Halloween, man.
- Thank you. Thank you.
There you are.
Leia and I had such a fun afternoon.
Kitty, this house is under attack.
There are teenagers everywhere
and a half-naked lady
swinging her bits around my house.
Oh good. Sherri's using the shower.
Why did you open our house to chaos again?
We had it made.
All the dumbasses were gone!
Well, I miss them.
It's been too quiet
around here for me, Red.
Well, then, get a parrot!
And if that's not enough squawkin'
for you, invite your sister.
I like having Leia visit for the summer.
The house is alive again.
The other day, I walked into the bathroom,
someone had tinkled, left the seat up,
and it made me so happy.
I could do that for you!
Complain all you want,
but these past few weeks
I have seen glimpses of the old Red.
The fire, the passion. I miss him.
He's retired.
But he's still alive.
You can't spend all day
scraping around in your garden,
playing with your tomatoes.
- You love my tomatoes!
- Your tomatoes are small!
Your head is sweaty.
Your chest is heaving.
Tell me something good ♪
Well, so much for a quiet retirement.
There's no more lint in my dryer filter.
Is it safe to come out?
Sherri.
I was taking a shower. When I got done,
you guys were dirty doggin' it,
so I just hunkered down
and rode out the storm.
I told you I heard the toilet flush.
Sorry, I was only up here 'cause I was
getting ready for this mistake of a date.
A date?
Blue Miata, Houliha Keep up.
But it did give me time to think,
which I never get to do.
I mean, what do I want from my life?
Because I'm pretty sure
hiding in my neighbor's bathroom
listening to old people bang isn't it.
Sounded like somebody was eating
corn on the cob.
What's wrong with me?
Why do I keep making the same mistake
over and over?
Oh, honey. Go easy on yourself.
You have a steady job.
You are raising two wonderful kids
all on your own.
You are amazing.
- Kitty, why are you lying to her?
- Red
But he's not wrong.
Okay, maybe it's time
to take a break from the fellas
and see what it's like on your own.
Being alone sounds scary.
Well, you're not alone. You've got us.
Us?
You'd think you'd be
in a better mood right now.
Welcome to movie night.
It's gonna be pretty major,
so to kick things off right
I got everyone
their own box of Raisin Bran.
Raisin Bran! Raisin Bran!
Raisin Bran!
Everybody loves it. Remember?
No? Did that not happen?
Oh, you know who loves Raisin Bran?
My cousin who did Brett Favre's
Do not.
- So what are we watching?
- Uh, my favorite movie.
Clerks, starring Kevin Smith.
I'll take a slice of that.
Okay
Hey, MTV. I'm Leo, man.
I'm 74 years young,
and I'd be perfect
for The Real World, man.
What's this?
I don't know.
It was supposed to be Clerks.
Fun facts about me.
I've fallen off of
three roller coasters, man.
Well, four, if you count the fourth one.
Uh forget movies.
Does anyone have
any funny stories to share?
Oh good, Nate.
No. He's choking on the Raisin Bran.
It's too dry.
Give him something to drink.
Forget the straw!
Okay. Drink, baby, drink.
I'm good. It went down.
No, you gotta clear it out like this.
Like
Leia, you should be an event planner.
This is so fun.
Gah! I'm sorry!
I really wanted this
to be a perfect night.
Forget it.
Leia
Hey, stop eating that.
I'm hungry!
Yo, drama queen. What was up with that?
I'm a fraud.
I've never even seen Clerks.
My favorite movie is Free Willy.
It's about a boy.
And his whale.
So?
So he tries to get Willy
back in the ocean.
No. I mean,
why did you melt down in there?
It's just
I feel like an imposter in this group.
You guys are all so close and so cool,
and I'm just me.
If you're ever doubting yourself,
just remember,
you have a killer basement.
I thought you were gonna say
something way nicer.
You know how boring it is around here?
Last week, we threw a stick in the creek
and tried to hit it with other sticks.
Nate called it Stick Stick.
It's not just about your basement, dummy.
If you're stressing about me, we're good.
And if you're worried about
fitting in with everyone else,
you found the people who don't fit in.
And I am their queen.
Never had a friend like you.
I know.
Guys!
We just found another bag inside this bag.
Bag bag!
I just came up with that.
The stuff in that bag bag was good good.
Not as good as Free Willy.  I love it.
Check yourself.
This is just E.T. with a whale.
I know it's not Clerks,
but it's kinda cute, right?
It's like I'm the boy
and Willy's the rubber band.
I get it now.
Leia, is Willy gonna make it?
Did E.T. make it?
- Come on, Willy.
- Come on.
You can do it.
- You got this. Come on.
- Yes, Willy.
Yeah!
He made it!
This never happened.
Hey, Mr. Forman.
I found this in my van.
Looks like I have a secret admirer.
It's you, isn't it?
It's just a shirt. Don't make it weird.
I'm not.
- Can I call you Uncle Red?
- Get out.
Bye, Uncle Red.
Kitty.
That's what you're wearing
to break up with a guy?
I can't imagine
what you would wear to a pool party.
What? This is my funeral outfit.
It's what I wear
to say goodbye to someone forever.
That's him. Oh God, I'm just so nervous.
I've eaten a ton of my hair.
This was so much higher.
Well, stop that.
- You are strong.
- Yeah.
- You're independent.
- Yeah.
You're still young
- Yeah.
- ish.
- He is just some guy with a fancy horn.
- Right.
Now, go.
Dump that chump!
That's what they say on Ricki Lake.
I thought it would be fun
for you to see me look this sexy.