The A-Team (1983) s02e13 Episode Script
The Maltese Cow
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a miIitary court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptIy escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los AngeIes underground.
Today, stiII wanted by the government, they survive as soIdiers of fortune.
If you have a probIem, if no one eIse can heIp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Theme music.]
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Suspenseful instrumental music intensifies.]
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
[Diners chattering.]
You have everything you need? Enjoy your lunch.
THUG: You were given time.
l told them.
l will not pay.
THUG: This is only a start.
THUG: The Lung Chin says you pay like everybody else.
Tomorrow at 2.
:00, we'II be back.
THUG: Every Tuesday after, the Lung Chin says you pay $1,000.
THUG: Unless you can afford a bodyguard [Sam groaning in pain.]
[People murmuring.]
[Tense instrumental music.]
-Dad, are you okay? -Yes.
But our partners, they're not going to like this at all.
Now, brace yourselves, guys.
This could be in the thousands.
lf the damage is that bad, heads are gonna roll.
l can't believe they did this.
They wrecked our restaurant.
Or what's left of it.
Let's take a look.
Somebody sat on our hat, fellows, and they made a big mistake.
Face, run a tab on all this.
We'll get every penny back.
Sam.
lt's Hannibal.
Oh, no.
Look at this.
All that Waterford Crystal l borrowed from Universal premiere at the Sheraton Hotel.
You didn't borrow nothing.
You stole it about three or four years ago.
Poor folks was having a party to celebrate their movie.
Now they gotta wind up drinking champagne out of paper cups.
l just wanted to do something nice for Sam.
What, did you want him to open this place with plastic cups and paper plates? Mack Murdock was tired of plastic cups and paper plates and bleary-eyed broads with yellow teeth.
This trip to Chinatown was like a ride on a neon horse.
The hot sounds, the smell of grease crashing in on him.
He remembered Sam Yeng and that night in Saigon when he and the A-Team huddled in the basement of Sam's house and rocket fire blew holes in the walls and it was scorched into his memory.
What is this fool talking about now? You don't recognize that? That's a bad Philip Marlowe.
l think Murdock's been watching too many Humphrey Bogart movies.
Yeah, you tell them, Face guy.
You tell them.
You come.
The A-Team has come.
Thank you.
We owe you so much, old man.
That's why we're here.
Sun, are you all right? Why don't you sit down? Thank you.
We will lose the restaurant, l think.
We won't pay protection money to the Lung Chin so they came and shot up our restaurant.
l called because l have no one else l can trust.
lf l call the police, they will kill us.
You did the right thing, Sam.
Yes, they even shot Faceman's scammed crystal.
Nothing left.
Well, we set you up in this place because we owed you a great deal.
The debt is paid.
l should not have called.
Not even the A-Team can fight the Lung Chin.
Now don't make book on that, Sam.
l mean, if they walk on two legs and they breathe air they eat dirt and they do the chicken just like everybody else.
The Lung Chin is a Chinese tong.
They control everything in Chinatown.
A tong? l thought tongs were social clubs these days.
Not the Lung Chin.
They came from China about a year ago and they are like the old tongs.
lf one defies them, they will not stop until they have extracted the full penalty.
Well, the Lung Chin has just taken on the A-Team.
Now, where do these guys hang out, Sam? You must not go, Hannibal.
There are too many of them, all around.
-All armed and all killers.
-Father-- Tommy Chen, her boyfriend, is in the Lung Chin now.
He has become one of them.
He was with the ones who ruined this place today.
They forced him to join.
lf he didn't, they would have killed his parents.
Okay, Sam.
Now, where do these guys hang out? Two blocks over, in an office above the laundry.
But you'll never get in, because they have men guarding everywhere.
Never say never, old friend.
Come on, guys, let's go pull this cat's tail.
HANNlBAL: Sam said the Lung Chin headquarters is just a few blocks down here.
Oh, yeah? Terrific.
Assuming we can get there without running into one of Lung Chin's roadblocks.
ln case you hadn't noticed we have more eyes on us than a truckload of ldaho spuds.
He's right.
Something big is about to go down here.
Don't worry.
We're just taking a nice, slow, innocent little drive down the street.
Sure we were.
But somewhere around this pagoda factory something is closing in on me right now.
Something bigger.
Something maybe we wouIdn't find.
Something that was ringing a lot of gongs from one end of my gut to the other.
lf you don't shut up, l'm gonna ring your gong for good! No matter how much cologne l splashed on it, you couldn't get away from one fact: this whole crazy caper set Mack Murdock on the track of the Maltese Cow.
[Murdock mooing.]
l said shut up, fool.
You ain't Mack Murdock.
You're just crazy.
And from now on you don't say a word, you got it? Save it, guys.
The Lung Chin headquarters should be just down the block here.
[Military instrumental music.]
-Second story on your right.
-l got it.
[Camera clicking.]
Doorway on the left.
[Camera clicking.]
HANNlBAL: Pretty good little magic act, huh? Well, look at this.
A car on each corner.
FACE: Probably carrying lots of steel, too.
Yeah, you can bet on it.
Still wanna go in and demand our money back? Let's go around the corner.
See what our buddies do if we change direction.
No.
Wait a minute.
Look at this, guys.
[Camera clicking.]
LlNG: You like to take pictures, buddy? Hey, that old guy in the limo must be a pretty big cheese, huh? -You cops? -Hey, Jack, you got a big mouth -and you're asking a lot of questions.
-You're clumsy with the answers.
You forgot to tell me who the old guy in the cemetery car is.
Push off, Jack.
Hey, the wood grips match the plastic belt.
Nice, huh, Face? A very fashionable ensemble.
lf you're through with the jokes, you ought to pull out of here.
Just when we were starting to get along.
Well, you got a real nice block here.
Friendly guy.
Hannibal, it's gonna take an army to get in that place.
Or a plan.
Come on.
We got an appointment at 2:00.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
THUG: Where's the guy who runs this place? He's out.
May l help you? We came to collect what's due.
Collections are in the rear.
Go around the back.
[Gun clicking.]
Don't get smart with me, mister.
Now, if you'd taken the trouble to look you'd find that l've got an eight-round 9 mm pointed at you under the table.
Now, the question is which one of us is gonna get hurt the worst if we open fire? Go ahead.
Try it, sucker.
Hey, B.
A.
THUG: What is this? HANNlBAL: Where l come from, we call it locking the doors on the sleaze balls and turning the tables.
Catchy, huh? Where's Sam Yeng? He owes me money.
He's on his hang-glider.
He took the family with him.
Face, pay this meathead what we owe him, will you? Oh, yeah, right.
[Cash register rings.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
[Grunting.]
[Groaning in pain.]
BOTH: One, two, three! [Thug exclaiming.]
MURDOCK: The Lung Chin boys were spilled over the linoleum like a six-pack of broken promises.
B.
A.
: Will you tell this fool to shut up? MURDOCK: Tell him.
[Speaking in Chinese.]
-Face, you forgot to put the powder in it.
-Yeah, l know.
So what do we do next, Colonel? B.
A.
, see if those fit a Pontiac outside.
lf they do, it's our passport to Lung Chin headquarters.
Hannibal, you really believe they're gonna buy us as tongs? They don't have to buy us.
All they have to do is rent.
[Crashing.]
[Lightly suspenseful instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: You Tommy Chen? TOMMY: Who are you? Tommy, they're my friends.
You have to help us.
TOMMY: lt's not possible.
HANNlBAL: lt is possible.
Face, get the front door.
Murdock, get the back.
That intersection by the Lung Chin headquarters is an armed camp.
HANNlBAL: l know it's not always like that, so l figure something bigger is going on.
-Will you tell us what it is? -l don't talk to cops.
-How can you bring them here? -No, they are not cops.
You must trust me, Tommy.
HANNlBAL: We know you didn't want to join the Lung Chin, Tommy.
Let us help you.
Maybe we can even work it so you two could get together.
What about my folks? They'll be in a lot of danger.
lf you're worried, close this place.
Take a vacation with them.
By the time you get back we'll have the whole neighbourhood holding its chin up.
HANNlBAL: That's all we can do, but you gotta meet us halfway.
Look, l know it's not much but it's a whole lot better than letting that club you're in walk all over your life.
Please, Tommy.
There's a man named Chris Thomas coming in at 4:00 on an oil tanker.
Pier 54, down at the docks.
He's a mobster that got deported Sounds Iike he's getting homesick, and wants to get back in to the business.
l don't know anything about him.
All l know is the Lung Chin's giving him a new identity, new papers, everything.
TOMMY: They sneak him back in the country, he lets them run his LA drug operation.
That's what Wan Chu told us.
That's the deal.
That's a big help, Tommy.
Now, listen, be smart, vanish.
HANNlBAL: After this is all over, you and Sun have a lot to talk about and we owe you one.
TOMMY: Maybe l'll owe you.
Call it a fixation, but the Maltese Cow was haunting me its cryptic moo beckoning me like the scent of a cheap dancehall hostess.
Take it easy, Murdock.
We're almost there.
Did you get it? B.
A.
: No.
You got it, sucker.
FACE: Hey, Hannibal.
[Military drumbeat.]
l want to speak to the men you are sending out today.
They will be here for instructions in 20 minutes, Wan Chu.
lf this succeeds, Ling, the future of your sons will be secured.
HANNlBAL: No one move! FACE: Back off.
HANNlBAL: Hands on the table.
LlNG: How'd you get in? l know a guy who had some tickets he wasn't using.
How dare you violate the stronghold of the Lung Chin? You left your garage door open, pal.
Now let's see you come up with your money box.
Money box? What? Who are you? HANNlBAL: Friends of the Golden Pagoda Restaurant here to collect what you owe for damages.
Plus repair costs, general abuse this comes to about $1 1,000.
l suggest you cough up the money, because when we get mad we're just like bulls in a china shop.
[Ling speaking in Chinese.]
Tell them to drop their guns and back up against the bush.
Let's see the money.
[Continues speaking in Chinese.]
$1,000 notes.
Must be $200,000 in here.
We'll just take it all, for now.
lf there is anything left after we repair the Golden Pagoda and pay back all the people you've been stealing from around here then we'll get it back to you.
Minus, of course, a modest fee for our services.
l mean, it's not like we're robbers.
Now, here's the new law, sucker.
We're closing you down.
By what authority? You've got no choice, pal.
We'll vanish, we'll reappear.
You'll never know when we're gonna hit next.
We want you and your whole pond of Peking ducks out of this neighbourhood by 2:00 tomorrow.
And, pal, l don't mean 2:05.
[Grave instrumental music.]
[Screaming in Chinese.]
[Military drumbeat.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
We have two objectives tonight: Number one is to ensure the safe arrival of Mr.
Thomas into this country.
You have all been instructed upon this task.
lt will proceed smoothly.
Objective number two is revenge for the insult brought upon the Lung Chin today.
The Golden Pagoda Restaurant must be destroyed as well as all the people who own it.
lf such a threat to us goes unanswered, we will lose face and Mr.
Thomas will not let us handle his drug business in this city.
And he would be a fool to do so.
You have your work.
Bring back success.
[Oriental instrumental music.]
MURDOCK: The fog was as thick as a linebacker's neck and the moon wasn't saying much, just watching.
Anything could happen on a night like this.
Or maybe nothing.
Tell this fool it's daytime, it ain't night.
Murdock, it's day.
Make a note.
HANNlBAL: They're all there.
lf we catch Thomas with the Lung Chin, we bust their bubble.
But it's gonna be difficuIt to get there especially since it's wide-open spaces.
lt would help if the guards were faced in the other direction.
-You know what l mean, Face? -The other direction? [Coughing and wheezing.]
Excuse me, fellows, l hate to bother you but l'm looking for the Felicity Cruises Tour Ship.
Bud Pillsbury is.
Yeah, Bud Pillsbury, he's my tour director.
This is a fishing boat.
There is no Bud Pillsbury around here.
A fishing boat? Are you sure? Come on, Face, do it.
[Wheezing violently.]
Let's go.
You okay? l've tried to take a cruise for over six years.
You know, kind of clean out my lungs.
Listen to me.
[Continues wheezing.]
And this is a good day.
At least for some of us.
There better not be any cops out there.
Because if there are l can maintain asylum by staying right where l am.
CHRlS: You know, Libyan registry covers me.
The Lung Chin will take you safely to the city.
And on to your headquarters.
Can we carry that for you? This? l'd like you never to touch this.
Okay? Drop it.
Up against the wall.
You, too, shorty.
Let's lose the rawhide, cowboy.
l said let's lose it.
Oh, my.
Face, it's the.
[Thug screaming.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
[Screaming.]
''Ai-ee'' that, sucker! [All screaming.]
LlNG: What is that thing? lt's a piece of junk.
But it makes a nice microfilm case.
LlNG: Microfilm of what? Let's go.
[Sirens wailing.]
Freeze! FACE: l'm telling you, it was a coincidence, Murdock.
lt was a cow.
lt could have been a dragon, a water buffalo, or maybe some kind of flying monster.
[Murdock moos.]
You guys won't get smart and give us your names? Oh, Mom said to keep my name, so l'll take Mom's advice, thanks.
But we appreciate the offer.
lt was a cow.
A definite moo.
Exactly as l saw it in my mind.
Don't try to make me feel better.
l'm supposed to have a zany fantasy life but l have never had anything jump out of the woodwork and give milk like that.
lt was scary.
l've encountered destiny.
Call Nichols in Psych.
Tell him we got a man seeing cows up in Sanders' office.
We may not have your names, yet, buddy but we've got your prints.
So in a few minutes, we'll tell you what your names are.
What's the matter, getting a little heat 'cause you missed Thomas? We won't miss you.
HANNlBAL: We could give you Chris Thomas.
Just give us the chance, we'll give you the goon.
-No.
-l hear clocks ticking, Hannibal.
There's the ''our fingerprints are gonna give us away'' clock the ''let's take Murdock to the bozo barn'' clock.
FACE: We have got to do something, and fast.
Give me the locker room.
This is Lt.
Sanders.
l just spilled some coffee and a bear claw all over my uniform and l can't get down there to grab the other one.
Yeah.
Everybody is nutso up here.
l mean they're going up in flames because they missed the Chris Thomas bust.
Listen, the Captain's coming in in a minute and l don't wanna seem like l got the shakes or anything.
So, have you got somebody that can run an extra uniform up here for me? Yeah? That's dynamite, man.
You're a pal.
Thanks.
HANNlBAL: l'd buy you some coffee, only l'd probably spill it all over you.
[Hannibal laughs.]
HANNlBAL: Right.
Bye.
Everybody likes a good story.
[Mooing.]
Where is Sanders? Well, don't ask me.
l mean we're supposed to be booked, right? l suppose he's coming back 'cause he's gonna book us.
We are being booked, right? Well, tell him this is his.
He asked for it.
You can remember that? Can ducks play the blues? Hey, Barney.
You know those four guys they grabbed down at the docks? B.
A.
: Hey man, l don't like doing this even in my dreams.
HANNlBAL: All right, follow me.
You, you, you.
HANNlBAL: Move it! What's your hurry, Officer? You look like you just got your first kiss.
Sorry.
lt's just that they don't know who they got upstairs.
-Yeah, and who's that? -The A-Team.
No kidding? You know, those mercenaries you always hear about on the news? -Yeah.
-l mean, these guys are hot.
And nobody upstairs knows they're there yet.
-l just got it off the wire.
-l love it when a plan comes together.
Nice, huh, guys? l don't wanna ever hear anything about me doing bizarro things again.
Now, that was crazy.
And l know what l'm talking about.
We're so lucky one of those cops didn't recognize us back there.
Hey Hannibal, you almost got us put away for good, man, being on the jazz.
Does get the heart going, doesn't it? Sun and Sam Yeng have the van at the motel we sent them to.
We'll go there first.
We get to the van, we got firepower and we'll talk to the Lung Chin in a language they can understand.
Hannibal, they got both my tyres, man! -l'd been a snoop-for-lease-- -Murdock! MURDOCK: Something told me to shut up.
Let's call it instinct.
Check Sam and Sun.
[Door creaking.]
lt's gotta be the Lung Chin.
[Murdock mumbling.]
''Death to the enemies of Lung Chin.
'' What can l say? One day l had this gonzo headache and before it went away, l could read and speak Chinese.
And it was a bad afternoon, too, let me tell you.
-What do you think, Hannibal? -l don't like it.
But it sure fits in with my plans for tonight.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
You have been extremely childish with us, Mr.
Yeng.
All we wanted was a little but your behaviour has forced us to take everything.
Tommy! Are you hurt? WAN CHU: Be cautious with your loyalty to him.
WAN CHU: He has already sold out the Lung Chin.
We should never have given you the opportunity to join the Lung Chin.
But we correct our mistakes.
WAN CHU: As soon as your other friends arrive to try and rescue you my soldiers will entrap them and shortly afterward, we will get rid of all of you at the same time.
Catch up on old times.
There will be no new ones.
[Wan Chu laughing.]
[lntense instrumental music.]
CHRlS: l'd like to know what l've been waiting for.
CHRlS: You should have had me in Chicago with my wife by now.
We were concerned with your safety, Mr.
Thomas.
Really? You should have thought of that a long time ago.
You've got a contract to fulfill if you want your piece of the action! Your change of identity is now complete.
Driver's license, charge cards, and everything.
We run a great risk as well, Mr.
Thomas.
And now it is unsafe for us to have you here any longer.
The men who were captured at the boat know where we are.
So they could tell the police? That's wonderful.
lf the police come, we, as good citizens, merely let them in.
To fight them would be suicidal.
You must leave while you can.
How do l know you're not setting me up? They know where you are.
They got plenty of witnesses.
-Maybe you made a deal with them.
-Mr.
Thomas, let's try it another way.
l will accompany you, with an escort, on the first leg of your journey out of this city.
l will risk my life as much as you are risking yours.
-Does that satisfy you? -No! But it will do.
CHRlS: So where's our escort? We'll pick him up at the corner, Mr.
Thomas.
[Lightly suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Tyres screeching.]
[Car horn honking.]
HANNlBAL: Get out of the car.
HANNlBAL: Follow him.
Move it! [Fast-paced instrumental music.]
CHRlS: Who are you guys, anyway? Never mind that.
Where's Sam and Sun Yeng? -Alive.
-You better hope so, sucker or l'll break you up like chopsticks.
Come on.
HANNlBAL: Murdock? MURDOCK: Yeah? Everything ready, Murdock? Artillery set to go boom-boom, Colonel.
-What's that thing? -These are our cannon.
Well, you're never gonna stop them.
We stopped you.
Never can tell.
We could be on a roll.
Gentlemen, we're gonna have a good old American Fourth of July.
[Adventurous instrumental music.]
That way! [Firecrackers whistling.]
[Tense instrumental music.]
B.
A.
: Over here, sucker.
Drop your guns.
You can fish for tuna on the other side of the concrete.
Now move it! [Chris coughing.]
That's it, pal.
Hit the deck! [Face exclaims.]
Well, so much for your Maltese Cow, Murdock.
Looks to me like Maltese microfilm.
Right, Thomas? Yeah, the guy's out of the country for about 10 years and he comes back to the good old U.
S.
A.
to start up his old action again.
Now what would he want with microfilm? A list of names.
l mean, some old phone numbers.
Some of those great guys out there stuffing people in pencil sharpeners for a living.
UnderworId contacts, huh, Thomas? Come on, Chris, don't be so depressing.
l mean, it's gonna be fun.
You'll get to meet a bunch of great guys in uniforms, get your picture taken get some new grey clothes.
Hey, the food is great.
All that starch is terrific for your system.
lncidentally, that little tape you had it'll be following you around.
l mean, we just wanted you to know that.
l mean, we wouldn't wanna do anything behind your back.
We care about your feelings.
We really do.
He was just one more hard-boiled set of psychopathic urges under a bad haircut.
MURDOCK: But even he knew he was going to a house where chess games lasted for 40 years.
Hey, man, we're here.
Let's dump the jerk.
FACE: Hey, we're right in front of the police station.
This isn't exactly safe.
What was, l wondered? Life? That's rich.
Set them up and tell me another one, buddy.
You wanna know what's safe in this life? Sitting in church and eating a lot of raw fiber.
The rest? Well, you take your chances.
B.
A.
: Grab him, Face.
[Amusing instrumental music.]
lt's Chris Thomas.
MURDOCK: Oh, come on, B.
A.
Everything turned out okay.
And look, see? l'm off that Mack Murdock kick for good.
l mean, at least l think l am.
lt was just another passing phase l was going through.
Like that time l thought l was a plaid jacket named Willy.
B.
A.
: Hannibal, you better tell this fool something before l hurt him.
MURDOCK: B.
A.
No.
[Murdock screaming.]
Murdock's right, though.
Everything is okay now.
-The restaurant's in one piece.
-l'm glad to see it.
Here, let me get that for you.
lt's nice, isn't it? And it's gonna be nice to see those profits come rolling in again? Yeah, that's okay.
And, incidentally didn't we clear a little bit for the Team this time? Yeah, well, after repairs to the restaurant here and the fireworks warehouse and the repayment of protection money to the shop owners in the area, yeah.
Well, we bagged $1,050 each.
lt's nice to see a little profit every now and then.
Gross.
Now, after FlCA security, group medical deductions-- Face, never mind.
l'd rather use my imagination.
Well, now that l've ruined your day l have a date.
Have a great time.
HANNlBAL: Well, have things improved for you two? Much.
Tommy and l are sort of getting back together.
l want her to be my wife but she's thinking it over.
I reaIIy appreciate what you did.
l'm not sure l would have handled it right without you.
Pretty please with sugar on top? No? Okay.
Pretty please with sugar on top and whipped cream and those little bitty oranges you cut up in flowers on top.
And meatballs.
-All right! -What? l said, all right.
lf you wanna talk we'll talk.
But first thing you do, you gotta promise me to shut up.
[Murdock mumbling.]
[Slow jazzy instrumental music.]
Now, that night there was a new private eye in town.
And his name was B.
A.
Baracus.
B.
A.
: Right now, he's looking down at the Maltese Fool thinking maybe he ought to break his arm and cause him serious pain.
[Murdock exclaiming in fear.]
[Theme music.]
These men promptIy escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los AngeIes underground.
Today, stiII wanted by the government, they survive as soIdiers of fortune.
If you have a probIem, if no one eIse can heIp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Theme music.]
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Suspenseful instrumental music intensifies.]
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
[Diners chattering.]
You have everything you need? Enjoy your lunch.
THUG: You were given time.
l told them.
l will not pay.
THUG: This is only a start.
THUG: The Lung Chin says you pay like everybody else.
Tomorrow at 2.
:00, we'II be back.
THUG: Every Tuesday after, the Lung Chin says you pay $1,000.
THUG: Unless you can afford a bodyguard [Sam groaning in pain.]
[People murmuring.]
[Tense instrumental music.]
-Dad, are you okay? -Yes.
But our partners, they're not going to like this at all.
Now, brace yourselves, guys.
This could be in the thousands.
lf the damage is that bad, heads are gonna roll.
l can't believe they did this.
They wrecked our restaurant.
Or what's left of it.
Let's take a look.
Somebody sat on our hat, fellows, and they made a big mistake.
Face, run a tab on all this.
We'll get every penny back.
Sam.
lt's Hannibal.
Oh, no.
Look at this.
All that Waterford Crystal l borrowed from Universal premiere at the Sheraton Hotel.
You didn't borrow nothing.
You stole it about three or four years ago.
Poor folks was having a party to celebrate their movie.
Now they gotta wind up drinking champagne out of paper cups.
l just wanted to do something nice for Sam.
What, did you want him to open this place with plastic cups and paper plates? Mack Murdock was tired of plastic cups and paper plates and bleary-eyed broads with yellow teeth.
This trip to Chinatown was like a ride on a neon horse.
The hot sounds, the smell of grease crashing in on him.
He remembered Sam Yeng and that night in Saigon when he and the A-Team huddled in the basement of Sam's house and rocket fire blew holes in the walls and it was scorched into his memory.
What is this fool talking about now? You don't recognize that? That's a bad Philip Marlowe.
l think Murdock's been watching too many Humphrey Bogart movies.
Yeah, you tell them, Face guy.
You tell them.
You come.
The A-Team has come.
Thank you.
We owe you so much, old man.
That's why we're here.
Sun, are you all right? Why don't you sit down? Thank you.
We will lose the restaurant, l think.
We won't pay protection money to the Lung Chin so they came and shot up our restaurant.
l called because l have no one else l can trust.
lf l call the police, they will kill us.
You did the right thing, Sam.
Yes, they even shot Faceman's scammed crystal.
Nothing left.
Well, we set you up in this place because we owed you a great deal.
The debt is paid.
l should not have called.
Not even the A-Team can fight the Lung Chin.
Now don't make book on that, Sam.
l mean, if they walk on two legs and they breathe air they eat dirt and they do the chicken just like everybody else.
The Lung Chin is a Chinese tong.
They control everything in Chinatown.
A tong? l thought tongs were social clubs these days.
Not the Lung Chin.
They came from China about a year ago and they are like the old tongs.
lf one defies them, they will not stop until they have extracted the full penalty.
Well, the Lung Chin has just taken on the A-Team.
Now, where do these guys hang out, Sam? You must not go, Hannibal.
There are too many of them, all around.
-All armed and all killers.
-Father-- Tommy Chen, her boyfriend, is in the Lung Chin now.
He has become one of them.
He was with the ones who ruined this place today.
They forced him to join.
lf he didn't, they would have killed his parents.
Okay, Sam.
Now, where do these guys hang out? Two blocks over, in an office above the laundry.
But you'll never get in, because they have men guarding everywhere.
Never say never, old friend.
Come on, guys, let's go pull this cat's tail.
HANNlBAL: Sam said the Lung Chin headquarters is just a few blocks down here.
Oh, yeah? Terrific.
Assuming we can get there without running into one of Lung Chin's roadblocks.
ln case you hadn't noticed we have more eyes on us than a truckload of ldaho spuds.
He's right.
Something big is about to go down here.
Don't worry.
We're just taking a nice, slow, innocent little drive down the street.
Sure we were.
But somewhere around this pagoda factory something is closing in on me right now.
Something bigger.
Something maybe we wouIdn't find.
Something that was ringing a lot of gongs from one end of my gut to the other.
lf you don't shut up, l'm gonna ring your gong for good! No matter how much cologne l splashed on it, you couldn't get away from one fact: this whole crazy caper set Mack Murdock on the track of the Maltese Cow.
[Murdock mooing.]
l said shut up, fool.
You ain't Mack Murdock.
You're just crazy.
And from now on you don't say a word, you got it? Save it, guys.
The Lung Chin headquarters should be just down the block here.
[Military instrumental music.]
-Second story on your right.
-l got it.
[Camera clicking.]
Doorway on the left.
[Camera clicking.]
HANNlBAL: Pretty good little magic act, huh? Well, look at this.
A car on each corner.
FACE: Probably carrying lots of steel, too.
Yeah, you can bet on it.
Still wanna go in and demand our money back? Let's go around the corner.
See what our buddies do if we change direction.
No.
Wait a minute.
Look at this, guys.
[Camera clicking.]
LlNG: You like to take pictures, buddy? Hey, that old guy in the limo must be a pretty big cheese, huh? -You cops? -Hey, Jack, you got a big mouth -and you're asking a lot of questions.
-You're clumsy with the answers.
You forgot to tell me who the old guy in the cemetery car is.
Push off, Jack.
Hey, the wood grips match the plastic belt.
Nice, huh, Face? A very fashionable ensemble.
lf you're through with the jokes, you ought to pull out of here.
Just when we were starting to get along.
Well, you got a real nice block here.
Friendly guy.
Hannibal, it's gonna take an army to get in that place.
Or a plan.
Come on.
We got an appointment at 2:00.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
THUG: Where's the guy who runs this place? He's out.
May l help you? We came to collect what's due.
Collections are in the rear.
Go around the back.
[Gun clicking.]
Don't get smart with me, mister.
Now, if you'd taken the trouble to look you'd find that l've got an eight-round 9 mm pointed at you under the table.
Now, the question is which one of us is gonna get hurt the worst if we open fire? Go ahead.
Try it, sucker.
Hey, B.
A.
THUG: What is this? HANNlBAL: Where l come from, we call it locking the doors on the sleaze balls and turning the tables.
Catchy, huh? Where's Sam Yeng? He owes me money.
He's on his hang-glider.
He took the family with him.
Face, pay this meathead what we owe him, will you? Oh, yeah, right.
[Cash register rings.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
[Grunting.]
[Groaning in pain.]
BOTH: One, two, three! [Thug exclaiming.]
MURDOCK: The Lung Chin boys were spilled over the linoleum like a six-pack of broken promises.
B.
A.
: Will you tell this fool to shut up? MURDOCK: Tell him.
[Speaking in Chinese.]
-Face, you forgot to put the powder in it.
-Yeah, l know.
So what do we do next, Colonel? B.
A.
, see if those fit a Pontiac outside.
lf they do, it's our passport to Lung Chin headquarters.
Hannibal, you really believe they're gonna buy us as tongs? They don't have to buy us.
All they have to do is rent.
[Crashing.]
[Lightly suspenseful instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: You Tommy Chen? TOMMY: Who are you? Tommy, they're my friends.
You have to help us.
TOMMY: lt's not possible.
HANNlBAL: lt is possible.
Face, get the front door.
Murdock, get the back.
That intersection by the Lung Chin headquarters is an armed camp.
HANNlBAL: l know it's not always like that, so l figure something bigger is going on.
-Will you tell us what it is? -l don't talk to cops.
-How can you bring them here? -No, they are not cops.
You must trust me, Tommy.
HANNlBAL: We know you didn't want to join the Lung Chin, Tommy.
Let us help you.
Maybe we can even work it so you two could get together.
What about my folks? They'll be in a lot of danger.
lf you're worried, close this place.
Take a vacation with them.
By the time you get back we'll have the whole neighbourhood holding its chin up.
HANNlBAL: That's all we can do, but you gotta meet us halfway.
Look, l know it's not much but it's a whole lot better than letting that club you're in walk all over your life.
Please, Tommy.
There's a man named Chris Thomas coming in at 4:00 on an oil tanker.
Pier 54, down at the docks.
He's a mobster that got deported Sounds Iike he's getting homesick, and wants to get back in to the business.
l don't know anything about him.
All l know is the Lung Chin's giving him a new identity, new papers, everything.
TOMMY: They sneak him back in the country, he lets them run his LA drug operation.
That's what Wan Chu told us.
That's the deal.
That's a big help, Tommy.
Now, listen, be smart, vanish.
HANNlBAL: After this is all over, you and Sun have a lot to talk about and we owe you one.
TOMMY: Maybe l'll owe you.
Call it a fixation, but the Maltese Cow was haunting me its cryptic moo beckoning me like the scent of a cheap dancehall hostess.
Take it easy, Murdock.
We're almost there.
Did you get it? B.
A.
: No.
You got it, sucker.
FACE: Hey, Hannibal.
[Military drumbeat.]
l want to speak to the men you are sending out today.
They will be here for instructions in 20 minutes, Wan Chu.
lf this succeeds, Ling, the future of your sons will be secured.
HANNlBAL: No one move! FACE: Back off.
HANNlBAL: Hands on the table.
LlNG: How'd you get in? l know a guy who had some tickets he wasn't using.
How dare you violate the stronghold of the Lung Chin? You left your garage door open, pal.
Now let's see you come up with your money box.
Money box? What? Who are you? HANNlBAL: Friends of the Golden Pagoda Restaurant here to collect what you owe for damages.
Plus repair costs, general abuse this comes to about $1 1,000.
l suggest you cough up the money, because when we get mad we're just like bulls in a china shop.
[Ling speaking in Chinese.]
Tell them to drop their guns and back up against the bush.
Let's see the money.
[Continues speaking in Chinese.]
$1,000 notes.
Must be $200,000 in here.
We'll just take it all, for now.
lf there is anything left after we repair the Golden Pagoda and pay back all the people you've been stealing from around here then we'll get it back to you.
Minus, of course, a modest fee for our services.
l mean, it's not like we're robbers.
Now, here's the new law, sucker.
We're closing you down.
By what authority? You've got no choice, pal.
We'll vanish, we'll reappear.
You'll never know when we're gonna hit next.
We want you and your whole pond of Peking ducks out of this neighbourhood by 2:00 tomorrow.
And, pal, l don't mean 2:05.
[Grave instrumental music.]
[Screaming in Chinese.]
[Military drumbeat.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
We have two objectives tonight: Number one is to ensure the safe arrival of Mr.
Thomas into this country.
You have all been instructed upon this task.
lt will proceed smoothly.
Objective number two is revenge for the insult brought upon the Lung Chin today.
The Golden Pagoda Restaurant must be destroyed as well as all the people who own it.
lf such a threat to us goes unanswered, we will lose face and Mr.
Thomas will not let us handle his drug business in this city.
And he would be a fool to do so.
You have your work.
Bring back success.
[Oriental instrumental music.]
MURDOCK: The fog was as thick as a linebacker's neck and the moon wasn't saying much, just watching.
Anything could happen on a night like this.
Or maybe nothing.
Tell this fool it's daytime, it ain't night.
Murdock, it's day.
Make a note.
HANNlBAL: They're all there.
lf we catch Thomas with the Lung Chin, we bust their bubble.
But it's gonna be difficuIt to get there especially since it's wide-open spaces.
lt would help if the guards were faced in the other direction.
-You know what l mean, Face? -The other direction? [Coughing and wheezing.]
Excuse me, fellows, l hate to bother you but l'm looking for the Felicity Cruises Tour Ship.
Bud Pillsbury is.
Yeah, Bud Pillsbury, he's my tour director.
This is a fishing boat.
There is no Bud Pillsbury around here.
A fishing boat? Are you sure? Come on, Face, do it.
[Wheezing violently.]
Let's go.
You okay? l've tried to take a cruise for over six years.
You know, kind of clean out my lungs.
Listen to me.
[Continues wheezing.]
And this is a good day.
At least for some of us.
There better not be any cops out there.
Because if there are l can maintain asylum by staying right where l am.
CHRlS: You know, Libyan registry covers me.
The Lung Chin will take you safely to the city.
And on to your headquarters.
Can we carry that for you? This? l'd like you never to touch this.
Okay? Drop it.
Up against the wall.
You, too, shorty.
Let's lose the rawhide, cowboy.
l said let's lose it.
Oh, my.
Face, it's the.
[Thug screaming.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
[Screaming.]
''Ai-ee'' that, sucker! [All screaming.]
LlNG: What is that thing? lt's a piece of junk.
But it makes a nice microfilm case.
LlNG: Microfilm of what? Let's go.
[Sirens wailing.]
Freeze! FACE: l'm telling you, it was a coincidence, Murdock.
lt was a cow.
lt could have been a dragon, a water buffalo, or maybe some kind of flying monster.
[Murdock moos.]
You guys won't get smart and give us your names? Oh, Mom said to keep my name, so l'll take Mom's advice, thanks.
But we appreciate the offer.
lt was a cow.
A definite moo.
Exactly as l saw it in my mind.
Don't try to make me feel better.
l'm supposed to have a zany fantasy life but l have never had anything jump out of the woodwork and give milk like that.
lt was scary.
l've encountered destiny.
Call Nichols in Psych.
Tell him we got a man seeing cows up in Sanders' office.
We may not have your names, yet, buddy but we've got your prints.
So in a few minutes, we'll tell you what your names are.
What's the matter, getting a little heat 'cause you missed Thomas? We won't miss you.
HANNlBAL: We could give you Chris Thomas.
Just give us the chance, we'll give you the goon.
-No.
-l hear clocks ticking, Hannibal.
There's the ''our fingerprints are gonna give us away'' clock the ''let's take Murdock to the bozo barn'' clock.
FACE: We have got to do something, and fast.
Give me the locker room.
This is Lt.
Sanders.
l just spilled some coffee and a bear claw all over my uniform and l can't get down there to grab the other one.
Yeah.
Everybody is nutso up here.
l mean they're going up in flames because they missed the Chris Thomas bust.
Listen, the Captain's coming in in a minute and l don't wanna seem like l got the shakes or anything.
So, have you got somebody that can run an extra uniform up here for me? Yeah? That's dynamite, man.
You're a pal.
Thanks.
HANNlBAL: l'd buy you some coffee, only l'd probably spill it all over you.
[Hannibal laughs.]
HANNlBAL: Right.
Bye.
Everybody likes a good story.
[Mooing.]
Where is Sanders? Well, don't ask me.
l mean we're supposed to be booked, right? l suppose he's coming back 'cause he's gonna book us.
We are being booked, right? Well, tell him this is his.
He asked for it.
You can remember that? Can ducks play the blues? Hey, Barney.
You know those four guys they grabbed down at the docks? B.
A.
: Hey man, l don't like doing this even in my dreams.
HANNlBAL: All right, follow me.
You, you, you.
HANNlBAL: Move it! What's your hurry, Officer? You look like you just got your first kiss.
Sorry.
lt's just that they don't know who they got upstairs.
-Yeah, and who's that? -The A-Team.
No kidding? You know, those mercenaries you always hear about on the news? -Yeah.
-l mean, these guys are hot.
And nobody upstairs knows they're there yet.
-l just got it off the wire.
-l love it when a plan comes together.
Nice, huh, guys? l don't wanna ever hear anything about me doing bizarro things again.
Now, that was crazy.
And l know what l'm talking about.
We're so lucky one of those cops didn't recognize us back there.
Hey Hannibal, you almost got us put away for good, man, being on the jazz.
Does get the heart going, doesn't it? Sun and Sam Yeng have the van at the motel we sent them to.
We'll go there first.
We get to the van, we got firepower and we'll talk to the Lung Chin in a language they can understand.
Hannibal, they got both my tyres, man! -l'd been a snoop-for-lease-- -Murdock! MURDOCK: Something told me to shut up.
Let's call it instinct.
Check Sam and Sun.
[Door creaking.]
lt's gotta be the Lung Chin.
[Murdock mumbling.]
''Death to the enemies of Lung Chin.
'' What can l say? One day l had this gonzo headache and before it went away, l could read and speak Chinese.
And it was a bad afternoon, too, let me tell you.
-What do you think, Hannibal? -l don't like it.
But it sure fits in with my plans for tonight.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
You have been extremely childish with us, Mr.
Yeng.
All we wanted was a little but your behaviour has forced us to take everything.
Tommy! Are you hurt? WAN CHU: Be cautious with your loyalty to him.
WAN CHU: He has already sold out the Lung Chin.
We should never have given you the opportunity to join the Lung Chin.
But we correct our mistakes.
WAN CHU: As soon as your other friends arrive to try and rescue you my soldiers will entrap them and shortly afterward, we will get rid of all of you at the same time.
Catch up on old times.
There will be no new ones.
[Wan Chu laughing.]
[lntense instrumental music.]
CHRlS: l'd like to know what l've been waiting for.
CHRlS: You should have had me in Chicago with my wife by now.
We were concerned with your safety, Mr.
Thomas.
Really? You should have thought of that a long time ago.
You've got a contract to fulfill if you want your piece of the action! Your change of identity is now complete.
Driver's license, charge cards, and everything.
We run a great risk as well, Mr.
Thomas.
And now it is unsafe for us to have you here any longer.
The men who were captured at the boat know where we are.
So they could tell the police? That's wonderful.
lf the police come, we, as good citizens, merely let them in.
To fight them would be suicidal.
You must leave while you can.
How do l know you're not setting me up? They know where you are.
They got plenty of witnesses.
-Maybe you made a deal with them.
-Mr.
Thomas, let's try it another way.
l will accompany you, with an escort, on the first leg of your journey out of this city.
l will risk my life as much as you are risking yours.
-Does that satisfy you? -No! But it will do.
CHRlS: So where's our escort? We'll pick him up at the corner, Mr.
Thomas.
[Lightly suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Tyres screeching.]
[Car horn honking.]
HANNlBAL: Get out of the car.
HANNlBAL: Follow him.
Move it! [Fast-paced instrumental music.]
CHRlS: Who are you guys, anyway? Never mind that.
Where's Sam and Sun Yeng? -Alive.
-You better hope so, sucker or l'll break you up like chopsticks.
Come on.
HANNlBAL: Murdock? MURDOCK: Yeah? Everything ready, Murdock? Artillery set to go boom-boom, Colonel.
-What's that thing? -These are our cannon.
Well, you're never gonna stop them.
We stopped you.
Never can tell.
We could be on a roll.
Gentlemen, we're gonna have a good old American Fourth of July.
[Adventurous instrumental music.]
That way! [Firecrackers whistling.]
[Tense instrumental music.]
B.
A.
: Over here, sucker.
Drop your guns.
You can fish for tuna on the other side of the concrete.
Now move it! [Chris coughing.]
That's it, pal.
Hit the deck! [Face exclaims.]
Well, so much for your Maltese Cow, Murdock.
Looks to me like Maltese microfilm.
Right, Thomas? Yeah, the guy's out of the country for about 10 years and he comes back to the good old U.
S.
A.
to start up his old action again.
Now what would he want with microfilm? A list of names.
l mean, some old phone numbers.
Some of those great guys out there stuffing people in pencil sharpeners for a living.
UnderworId contacts, huh, Thomas? Come on, Chris, don't be so depressing.
l mean, it's gonna be fun.
You'll get to meet a bunch of great guys in uniforms, get your picture taken get some new grey clothes.
Hey, the food is great.
All that starch is terrific for your system.
lncidentally, that little tape you had it'll be following you around.
l mean, we just wanted you to know that.
l mean, we wouldn't wanna do anything behind your back.
We care about your feelings.
We really do.
He was just one more hard-boiled set of psychopathic urges under a bad haircut.
MURDOCK: But even he knew he was going to a house where chess games lasted for 40 years.
Hey, man, we're here.
Let's dump the jerk.
FACE: Hey, we're right in front of the police station.
This isn't exactly safe.
What was, l wondered? Life? That's rich.
Set them up and tell me another one, buddy.
You wanna know what's safe in this life? Sitting in church and eating a lot of raw fiber.
The rest? Well, you take your chances.
B.
A.
: Grab him, Face.
[Amusing instrumental music.]
lt's Chris Thomas.
MURDOCK: Oh, come on, B.
A.
Everything turned out okay.
And look, see? l'm off that Mack Murdock kick for good.
l mean, at least l think l am.
lt was just another passing phase l was going through.
Like that time l thought l was a plaid jacket named Willy.
B.
A.
: Hannibal, you better tell this fool something before l hurt him.
MURDOCK: B.
A.
No.
[Murdock screaming.]
Murdock's right, though.
Everything is okay now.
-The restaurant's in one piece.
-l'm glad to see it.
Here, let me get that for you.
lt's nice, isn't it? And it's gonna be nice to see those profits come rolling in again? Yeah, that's okay.
And, incidentally didn't we clear a little bit for the Team this time? Yeah, well, after repairs to the restaurant here and the fireworks warehouse and the repayment of protection money to the shop owners in the area, yeah.
Well, we bagged $1,050 each.
lt's nice to see a little profit every now and then.
Gross.
Now, after FlCA security, group medical deductions-- Face, never mind.
l'd rather use my imagination.
Well, now that l've ruined your day l have a date.
Have a great time.
HANNlBAL: Well, have things improved for you two? Much.
Tommy and l are sort of getting back together.
l want her to be my wife but she's thinking it over.
I reaIIy appreciate what you did.
l'm not sure l would have handled it right without you.
Pretty please with sugar on top? No? Okay.
Pretty please with sugar on top and whipped cream and those little bitty oranges you cut up in flowers on top.
And meatballs.
-All right! -What? l said, all right.
lf you wanna talk we'll talk.
But first thing you do, you gotta promise me to shut up.
[Murdock mumbling.]
[Slow jazzy instrumental music.]
Now, that night there was a new private eye in town.
And his name was B.
A.
Baracus.
B.
A.
: Right now, he's looking down at the Maltese Fool thinking maybe he ought to break his arm and cause him serious pain.
[Murdock exclaiming in fear.]
[Theme music.]