The A-Team (1983) s04e13 Episode Script
Wheel Of Fortune
1 Where is the crazy fool? [audience applauding.]
$700.
They'll do anything to keep me from getting back on the Wheel of Fortune.
You guys are in big trouble with the government.
Yeah, yeah, we know.
Relax and enjoy your last hours.
Do you mind if I drive? No, as long as you're careful.
I'm looking for a Mr.
Murdock.
What have you been doing with yourself the past few days? Actually, it's been very quiet, uneventful, really.
Probably nothing as exciting as around here.
(male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing.]
[audience applauding.]
[people whistling.]
$700.
Can I have an "L", please? (Pat) There are three L's.
Yeah.
[audience cheering.]
(Pat) $2,100.
All right, H.
M.
, this is a phrase.
You want to try to solve it or spin again? Spin, baby, spin.
(Murdock) I'll spin.
(Pat) All right.
[audience cheering.]
$700 again.
Come on.
Ask for an Come on, Murdock.
The frequency of "R" is 58 out of 100.
Can I have an âR,â please? (Pat) Yes.
There are two R's.
You're up to $3,500.
You wanna take a wild guess, or you wanna spin that wheel? (Murdock) One more time.
Good decision.
Okay.
Go ahead.
No, no, no! You know it! You know what it is.
Tell him what it is, Murdock! Don't Don't And look at this.
$1,500.
[audience cheering.]
Can I have an âN,â please? You've done it again.
Two N's.
Yes.
(Pat) $6,500.
What do you want to do now? I'm gonna solve the puzzle, Pat.
You won the first two games.
So, if you solve this puzzle, you are our champion.
If you guess wrong, we move to the next player.
I'm gonna solve it, Pat.
All right.
"All's fair in love and war.
" (Pat) That's absolutely right! Yes! Wow! [audience cheering.]
Thank you.
Terrific.
(Pat) "All's fair in love and war.
" What an amazing victory.
We've never had anyone quite like you on this show, Mr.
Murdock.
I tell you, folks, this helicopter pilot from Westwood.
Westwood has $28,000 in prizes for his three days with us.
[audience cheering.]
How do you account for all the success you've had out here? Clean living, plenty of exercise and a complete familiarity with the frequency tables of the alphabet.
Well, anyway, you have $6,500 to spend and we'll do that right now.
What would you like? For $150, I would like the humidor and the cigars.
(Pat) All right, you have $6,350 left.
For $250, I would like the auto buffer and the year's supply of Reptile Car Wax.
Mmm.
$6,100 to go.
For $1,800, I would like the four-buoy waterbed.
Okay.
Now you're down to $4,300.
And for $4,250, I would like the trip for two to Hawaii.
I was wondering when you'd get around to that.
And you still have $50 to go.
How do you want that? Gift certificate, Pat.
All right.
Gift certificate it is.
Jack Clark, he really wiped us out.
Tell him about all the great things he's gonna be carrying home with him.
(Jack) I sure will, Pat.
Well, H.
M first, it's the President's Humidor from Humidors-R-Us.
It holds up to 50 cigars, guarantees to keep them fresh for over a year.
And to fill that box to the brim 50 El Capitans from Carlos y Carlos the finest in smooth tobaccos retail value $150.
And then, it's a year's supply of Reptile Wax along with the new Sol Buff the solar-powered buffer of the '80s to keep that reflection on your car year after year.
Total value of car-care products: $250.
And, for the ultimate in sleeping comfort it's the four-buoy waterbed from Bed Shed.
Ride the waves or float in comfort on queen-size adventure in sleeping.
Retail value: $1,800.
And finally we'll fly you and a guest to the beautiful Kona Lua Hotel in Waikiki.
There, you'll stay for 14 days in the King Kamehameha Suite overlooking the deep Hawaiian sea a casual yet elegant atmosphere in the paradise capital of the world, Hawaii.
Airfare, hotel, meals, and $500 in spending money are all there to make your fun in the sun a vacation to remember.
Retail value of your trip: $4,250.
[audience cheering.]
That's terrific! Not bad for a couple of days' work, huh? No, sir.
Of course, we're going to see you in two weeks for our Super Challenge Match.
You'll be playing for prizes valued at from $12,000 up.
I want a shot at that Mazda.
All right.
Listen, we'll see you back here.
We'll be back with more Wheel of Fortune.
Nice going.
Thanks.
[audience cheering.]
N'[music playing.]
Mmm? Mmm.
You did it.
You did it.
(both) We did it.
We did it.
[both whooping.]
We did it! Holy [both laughing.]
Was I right about those frequency tables or what? Absolutely! And it is amazing.
I just have this ability to flash right on a word with only one or two letters exposed, and the entire phrase it just comes right into my mind.
You know, I told you, as soon as you know the puzzle solve it, because, one bad spin of that wheel and [exclaims.]
But that's what we were watching the show for all those weeks.
I mean, I knew exactly how to spin that wheel You did, yeah! to miss the bad spots.
And I'm telling you, when I got in here this morning and I spun that wheel it felt exactly as I imagined it.
Hawaii, Murdock.
Hawaii.
How are you gonna get me out of the Vet? I don't think it'll be a problem.
I mean, we've run out of diseases, pal, you know? I got two weeks to come up with something good.
Believe me, when that day comes we are going to be on that plane.
We? What do you mean, "we"? We.
Yeah.
You and me, pal.
Faceman you know how I'm kind of smitten on Jeni Beth and I kind of In my mind's eye, I kind of saw the two of us floating in the waters of the deep blue Hawaiian sea.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute here.
What about the old Faceman? I'm your constant companion! Coach of the Year? Jeni Beth is the most productive dental hygienist I've ever met.
Sorry, Murdock, but [chuckles.]
No ticket, no scam.
Hi.
May I help you? Yes, I think you can, Miss Pearlson.
I'm looking for a Mr.
Murdock.
Why aren't you looking for me? Well, see, I'm in kind of a rush.
See, I really need Mr.
Murdock.
He's due to show up at a two-week research project at Point Dume on delayed stress.
It happens twice a year.
Okay, let me check the transfer forms.
Okay.
Ah, yes, here it is.
Can you believe it? The paperwork is actually in sync.
Okay.
Just a minute, please.
A gentleman is here to pick up Mr.
Murdock.
I'll take care of it.
So This is Nurse Dodd at the VA.
You asked me to call if anyone inquired about Mr.
Murdock.
Yes, yes.
Thank you for following up.
Another gentleman is here trying to check Mr.
Murdock out of the facility.
Thanks again for calling us.
You've done your country a great service.
Can't you people get coordinated? An officer came by and picked him up this morning.
This morning? Of course.
They took him up to Harristown where that general needs a kidney.
The general who needs a kidney, huh? Did the officer say how long it would take to put Mr.
Murdock's kidney into the general? Two weeks.
He went without me! (Lazarus) That's him.
Let's see where the rabbit runs.
(B.
A.
) Come on, come on, Walter.
Man, run! Come on, Walter, run! (commentator) going the other way.
He changed directions to the right side Keep moving, Walter.
Run! Run! Step on her! Move! Dodge! turning back towards the middle, and he's finally brought down for 85 yards.
Whoa, whoa.
It's just me.
Okay? What're you doing sneaking up on me, man, without knocking? I live here, remember? Where did Hannibal go? He's gone.
He told me to watch the place while you were in Hawaii.
Great, I loan the apartment to him, he loans it to you.
[TV stops blaring.]
There.
I love your TV, Faceman.
[TV resumes blaring.]
Uh-huh.
You also love my refrigerator.
You owe me $400 for the groceries you ate last time you were here.
That reminds me, man.
You're out of milk.
You never have enough milk.
Who drinks milk? Where exactly did Hannibal go? I don't know, man.
He left with these two chicks.
[hesitatingly.]
Margie, Maggie, Linda Maggie and Lori? Yeah, that's them.
The twins from 12? The stewardesses? So that's why they was in uniform.
Oh, no.
Well, when will they be back? Not for two weeks.
He went to Rio, man.
Rio? They went to Oh, great.
That's just Well, did he leave a telephone number? I don't know.
Check by the telephone, man.
Oh, boy, I tell you, if it's [dial tone humming.]
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
He used my Double Breath Gum stationary! And I just had it made up.
Yeah, well, you see, I met the twins in the elevator and I told them I was head of an advertising company and we were looking for twins for our commercials.
That means you be working for Hannibal, 'cause he already told them that he was the president of the company.
Yes, Hannibal Smith, please.
(female operator) Please wait.
[stammering.]
Yeah, yeah, I'll hold.
Boy, this is just peachy! Murdock's missing Hannibal's 7,000 miles away in Rio auditioning twins for a gum commercial Hey, man, why ain't you in Hawaii? This supposed to be your vacation week.
Hello? (Face) Hannibal? Face! How's Hawaii? I have no idea.
I'm standing right here in my very own apartment.
What's the matter? See, I was supposed to check Murdock out of the VA Hospital this morning so that we could go to Hawaii.
When I got there, he'd already gone.
Maybe he double-crossed you and went to Hawaii without you.
Well, nice talking to you.
I'll talk to you in a couple of weeks, Face.
No, wait, wait, wait, wait! Don't hang up! See, I'm a little confused here, Hannibal.
You see, I thought it was you that had sprung him out.
And, well, then I called this girl Jeni Beth, and Well, she's Murdock's first choice for the trip.
The point is, Jeni Beth was still at work.
Okay? Hannibal, I think something is very wrong here.
Perfect.
What'? Not you, Face, the twins.
The twins are perfect.
Oh.
Yeah, they'll be great in the commercial.
Where does the hospital say Murdock's gone? Well, this battle-ax nurse told me that Murdock was donating a kidney to a general in Harristown.
Only, I called Harristown, and they haven't even located a donor yet.
Well, maybe he redug the tunnel and went under the wall.
No, I don't think so.
I Look, I'm gonna run down all the airlines and I'll call over at the game show.
Yeah, well, have B.
A.
call the hotel that comps the Wheel of Fortune and see if he's checked in.
Yeah, good idea.
But if he doesn't show up, call me.
Sure.
You can always hurry back for that big board meeting.
I'm Chairman of the board, remember? I don't have to hurry back.
Who could possibly forget? Hannibal, you are going to pay for this one.
Oh, cheer up, Lieutenant.
[commentator continues chattering.]
B.
A.
, do you think you could possibly get the pigskins out of your head long enough to help me try and locate Murdock? If he didn't get on a plane for Hawaii then where is the crazy fool? I think he's coming to.
[sighing.]
Welcome to Baraq, my friend.
Who are you? What's going on? Call me Joshua.
Joshua what? Just Joshua.
That's all you need to know.
This is Jeremy Woods.
Just out of chopper school.
You two share a common interest.
Did you kidnap him, too? Hardly.
Glad to meet you, Captain Murdock.
We've been admiring your flight record for some time.
Particularly your escape flight from Hanoi in '69.
Who's been admiring my flight records? We have.
The guys who pulled you out of bed at 6:00 this morning and put you on a plane to South America before the hospital staff could blink.
What are you gonna do? Shoot me? You know the CIA doesn't shoot anyone officially.
Listen, friend I know how the CIA works.
They have a more formal calling card and introduction than "drug and run.
" I used to work for those dudes.
Once in December of 1967 and again in the spring of '72.
Agent Chaney sends his regards.
Yeah? Well, how is old Tim? You know he isn't named Tim.
Your country needs your help, Mr.
Murdock for a special assault team.
All-civilian operation.
So in case we're caught or killed, the United States won't be accused of intervening in the internal affairs of Baraq.
What do you know about the Hind A-10? You mean that cast-iron Russian bag of bolts that has, or has reported to have the most sophisticated radar in the world? I told you he kept up on these things.
What's it doing in Baraq? Apparently, the Russians have brought two into the Western Hemisphere.
Our boys captured one in Curaguay about a month ago and this is the other one.
This is all very educational but what do you want me for? You're gonna teach Jeremy here how to fly it.
Welcome back to the service, Captain Murdock.
Sorry we couldn't be more formal, give you time to pack and all that.
You're gonna have a little bit more trouble than finding me new clothes.
Oh, don't worry about the hospital.
That's all taken care of.
Well, it's not the hospital people you're gonna have to worry about.
Listen, B.
A.
, the airline has no record of Murdock getting on a flight to Hawaii.
Yeah, so I'm heading your way.
Right.
[tires screeching.]
You want directions to the freeway, right? (B.
A.
) Excuse me.
Do you have a patient here by the name of H.
M.
Murdock? Yes.
What do you want? I'm from the Wheel of Fortune.
Oh, yes.
We heard about his little television appearance.
What do you want with him now? I'm one of his prizes.
Excuse me? I'm part of his fantasy weekend.
Just what exactly do you do? It's my hands.
lam Mr.
Masseuse and this guy Murdock, he won a deluxe massage for himself and six of his best friends.
He's not here and he won't be back for two weeks.
How about you, mama? Your neck looks a little stiff.
No, thank you.
Now, good day.
[clattering.]
(Lazarus) Bach's Stereo.
This is Nurse Dodd again.
Another man came in looking for Mr.
Murdock.
He was from that game show.
Thanks again for calling us, Nurse Dodd.
Glad to do my duty.
Bach's Stereo.
Henderson.
[horn blaring.]
I had a feeling that was you at the door.
(B.
A.
) Hey, Face, where's Murdock? I have no idea.
You guys are in big trouble with the government.
Yeah, yeah, we know.
Now, where's our other friend? Just beyond that gate, behind those rocks, is the target.
Camouflaged facility for the Hind Mil A-10.
Let me make this as clear as possible.
Once we get in there, the only way out alive is to fly out.
[chuckling.]
And to think I could be in Hawaii.
We go as soon as I change.
How good's his Russian? He's a man of many talents.
[grunts.]
[in English.]
Matches? [guns firing.]
[grunts.]
Come on.
Totally awesome.
Look at this radio.
Wonder which one of these switches turns on the windshield wipers, huh? Let's move it.
[engine whirring.]
I'm telling you something, man this baby's got about a 5,000-foot-per-minute climb on it.
Amazing.
And this stick! She feels like she's stuck in jelly, she's so smooth.
Can I give it a try? Soon, soon.
You know, he's a quick study here.
I think about an hour of instruction this boy here is going to be able to fly this sucker.
Very good, Captain.
You know, if we were aboveground, I'd put you in for a medal.
Yeah, well, I'll settle for a lift to Waikiki.
How's that? How about the firepower? Go for it.
All right.
All right.
I've got a target in sight.
Heat sensors, audio indicators tell me that it's unoccupied.
Give it a shot.
Off course, sir, headed toward restricted area.
Veer back to course, Captain.
We don't want to stray over the border.
Back to course, Captain.
(Joshua) Back to course.
Now! Baraq, huh? Looks like Las Vegas to me.
(Murdock) So you think you're gonna knock over a casino with that thing? The world's going to think that you knocked over a casino with that thing.
They meet at 10:00.
Are we ready to roll? All set.
You think you can control that thing? Hey, I can get us to the Silver Horse Hotel and back.
I'm already as good as this guy.
In your dreams, rookie.
We don't need this clown.
Let's just waste him right here.
You better be looking after that tail rotor, boy.
You remember what the Russian label is for "crosswind indicator" boy? Easy, kid, he's just trying to psyche you out.
It's a lot of car, boy.
Yeah, but I know what I'm doing.
[laughing.]
My best student.
Too bad his teacher's gonna die.
You see, after we get the cash, you crash and burn.
That's why I don't want to shoot you.
The scenario works better without any bullets in your body.
"Crazed Vet Cops Commie Chopper, Conks Casino.
" [chuckling.]
That's gonna look great in the tabloids.
That's too much alliteration.
You know, you begin to give me a headache.
It'll play great in print.
See the government captures this chopper down in Curaguay and they bring it here to the Nevada desert and you come along and steal it from the Americans and use it for a casino heist.
You know, I was actually assigned to guard the thing.
That's how I gained computer access to your previous adventures with the CIA.
You got all your bases covered, right, Josh? You know it.
We'll be back to get you for the big party.
Relax and enjoy your last hours.
[gasping.]
[inhaling.]
[grunts.]
[helicopter engine starting.]
Burn, you sucker! Burn.
[grunting.]
[exclaims.]
Mr.
Stein, good morning, Sir.
Here are the figures for the drop.
(Avery) Up 12% from the same week last year.
(Stein) You would never think that a man who makes lions disappear could fill a showroom like that night after night.
This is great, really great.
I think that the new sports book is raising the average, too.
Yeah.
Now, if they could only play football year round.
Security's got another rumbling about a heist.
Do you know when that transfer's due today? (Stein) At 4:40.
Floating a rumor about a heist was brilliant.
and the Air Express is ready to go on, then? It's gonna take off right on schedule with a dummy load.
Okay.
Oh, the armored car.
Armored car and two sedans will form a convoy.
(Avery) They'll take the money straight from our cages to the Federal Reserve in Los Angeles without stopping.
How much is the drop? $2.
2 million.
That's not bad.
Not bad at all for a kid from Fairfax Avenue.
Thank you, Howard.
Yes, sir.
I knew they'd change their plans.
This thing against an armored car? [laughing.]
I think it's about three miles from here.
We gotta pray that Murdock finds a way to contact us.
Yeah.
Boy, I should be sitting on a beach in Hawaii sucking on a Mai Tai.
[exclaiming.]
Thank you so much.
I can't tell you what this means to me.
Sorry, I don't pick up hitchhikers.
This is a matter of life and death.
I've got to get to a phone.
Really.
I don't think we're going anywhere.
What the Oh Where's your Right here.
[steam hissing.]
[woman exclaims.]
Look, I'll tell you what.
You give me a crack at this baby and if I get it rolling again, you just take me to a phone.
How about it? Well Please.
Well, okay.
Murdock.
H.
M.
Murdock.
Jody Joy.
Jody Jody Joy? You like it? I'm on my way to Vegas.
I got a job in the line at the Tropicana.
You're gonna be a chorus girl? Yes.
It's like the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, congratulations, baby.
Thanks.
You know, you look familiar.
I've seen you somewhere before.
No, I don't think so.
Did you ever work at the Magic Castle? Nope.
But I think I found our problem.
It's a broken fan belt.
I know.
If I could No, that's not going to work.
Give me your stockings.
Oh, the elasticity.
They have an elasticity to it.
I can Police do it all the time.
You tie Okay.
See, I I feel really silly.
I mean, I know I [stammering.]
You meet a strange man That sounds terrible.
You meet a strange man in the desert and the first thing he does is ask you to give him your stockings.
But I'm telling you, I wouldn't be asking you if this wasn't the only way to get this car moving again.
I mean when you're in situations like this, you have to come up with bizarre and creative-- Oh, thank you.
I know.
I know where I saw you.
You were on the Wheel of Fortune the other day! Did you see that? You won the trip to Hawaii.
You should be in Hawaii.
I know.
Tell me about it.
It was amazing.
I've never seen anybody solve the puzzles so quick.
It was nothing, really.
Meeting you is like the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
[laughs.]
All right.
He's gone! Keep the radio open.
(Jeremy) He'd have to cross all the way to the highway on foot.
If he caught a ride, where's the nearest phone? The only place for 30 miles is that dive at Cross Creek Road.
[helicopter engine whining.]
My real name is Jody Kleinman but I changed it when I went to work for Morty.
The magician? Yeah.
Morty the Magnificent.
Ah! Civilization.
Well, thanks for giving me a lift, honey.
Does this mean you're saying good bye? I'm afraid so.
Well, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I could give you a lift into Vegas.
Just let me go in and fix my face.
Listen thanks, honey, but I might be meeting some people here that you're not going to like.
Well, good luck.
Good luck to you, too.
And break a leg and all that.
Thanks.
But [phone ringing.]
Lou's Delivery.
Faceman, it's me.
Where's Hannibal? Never mind that.
Where are you? Are you all right? Not so good.
I need to see you real quick.
I'm at a roadside diner called Jeffrey's Jamboree on Cross Creek Road.
It's about 12 miles outside of Vegas on the California side.
Yeah, we just passed it.
We're about 10 minutes away.
We'll be there.
[people chattering.]
[door closing.]
[door creaking.]
I'm so glad you're back.
This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you mind if I drive? No, as long as you're careful.
[powerful engine revving.]
[Jody exclaiming.]
[tires screeching.]
[gun firing.]
Get down! What's going on? They'll do anything to keep me from getting back on the Wheel of Fortune.
Now watch out! That was great! I mean, that was amazing! The most exciting thing that ever happened to you, huh? Yeah! [helicopter whirring.]
He sure is a popular fellow.
They been people in here looking for him all day.
Last we seen him was back there in the ladies' room.
Thank you, Amelia.
Okay.
Mirror signal.
Mmm-hmm.
I haven't seen that since Saigon.
Well.
Shall we? Do we really have to make this trip? Of course.
After we get the cash, the chopper, the money, and the lunatic that's you, have to crash and burn.
Dead crime, dead criminal, right? That's the beauty of it.
Nobody will be looking for the money.
They'll think it all burned up.
Miss Joy, I'm sorry you had to be a part of this.
But you shouldn't pick up hitchhikers.
I want you to know one thing.
I don't blame you at all for this.
You're some kind of girl, Jody Joy.
Some kind of girl.
(Face) Jack Stein? What are you guys doing? What are you barging in here like this? Your drop's about to be hit.
You guys are making a big mistake here.
We telling you the truth, Jack.
Well, if they want to hit the plane, I say, you know, let them.
But you boys are the ones in real trouble here.
[cocking gun.]
Huh.
Right on schedule.
This is gonna be fun.
[machine gun firing.]
[machine gun firing.]
They say this thing can pull a tank out of a mud hole.
They should thank us for field-testing it.
Jack Stein sends his best.
Ta-da! How did you do that? We used to do it all the time when I worked for Morty the Magnificent.
The trick is in flexing your wrists while the guy from the audience is tying you up.
We used to practice it all the time.
Morty loved to tie me up.
I bet he did.
Murdock, are you all right? Oh.
I guess you are.
You know what? That's the most exciting thing that ever happened to me.
[audience applauding.]
(Pat) All right, H.
M.
, you're playing for the truck.
We need five consonants and one vowel.
T.
That's one.
S.
Two.
L.
Three.
C.
Four.
And D.
And a vowel, please? Give me an E, please.
All right.
Vanna White will turn the letters you have found now.
This is a place.
It's for the truck.
You have 15 seconds.
Good luck.
[timer beeping.]
"South America.
" That's it! Yes! [audience cheering.]
That's amazing! "South America.
" Congratulations.
Wow! That's wonderful.
You know, there was some talk that you might not even be able to make it back for our Championship playoffs.
No, no way, I wasn't going to miss this one.
Yeah.
What have you been doing with yourself the past few days? Actually, it's been very quiet, uneventful, really.
Probably nothing as exciting as around here, huh? No way.
You've been a super player.
How in the world did you get South America with just four letters up there? I always wanted to go there.
Well, congratulations again.
Let me get this mike off and we'll go look at your truck.
Nice going, H.
M.
Over you go.
[audience cheering.]
Oh, my God! Hawaii, Murdock! Hawaii! Yeah, Hawaii.
I wanted to talk to you about Hawaii.
You're not gonna start with that Jeni Beth stuff again, are you? No, no.
I'm not taking Jeni Beth.
I'm taking-- That was pretty exciting! What did you think? Nothing compared to you and me in Hawaii! Hawaii! I have never been to Hawaii.
I've dreamed about it.
Me, too! Scuba diving.
You're gonna teach me to scuba dive? Scuba diving, and Mai Tais.
Hula! Abalone? You gonna teach me to get abalone off the rocks? We can go helicopter riding.
[both chattering.]
$700.
They'll do anything to keep me from getting back on the Wheel of Fortune.
You guys are in big trouble with the government.
Yeah, yeah, we know.
Relax and enjoy your last hours.
Do you mind if I drive? No, as long as you're careful.
I'm looking for a Mr.
Murdock.
What have you been doing with yourself the past few days? Actually, it's been very quiet, uneventful, really.
Probably nothing as exciting as around here.
(male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing.]
[audience applauding.]
[people whistling.]
$700.
Can I have an "L", please? (Pat) There are three L's.
Yeah.
[audience cheering.]
(Pat) $2,100.
All right, H.
M.
, this is a phrase.
You want to try to solve it or spin again? Spin, baby, spin.
(Murdock) I'll spin.
(Pat) All right.
[audience cheering.]
$700 again.
Come on.
Ask for an Come on, Murdock.
The frequency of "R" is 58 out of 100.
Can I have an âR,â please? (Pat) Yes.
There are two R's.
You're up to $3,500.
You wanna take a wild guess, or you wanna spin that wheel? (Murdock) One more time.
Good decision.
Okay.
Go ahead.
No, no, no! You know it! You know what it is.
Tell him what it is, Murdock! Don't Don't And look at this.
$1,500.
[audience cheering.]
Can I have an âN,â please? You've done it again.
Two N's.
Yes.
(Pat) $6,500.
What do you want to do now? I'm gonna solve the puzzle, Pat.
You won the first two games.
So, if you solve this puzzle, you are our champion.
If you guess wrong, we move to the next player.
I'm gonna solve it, Pat.
All right.
"All's fair in love and war.
" (Pat) That's absolutely right! Yes! Wow! [audience cheering.]
Thank you.
Terrific.
(Pat) "All's fair in love and war.
" What an amazing victory.
We've never had anyone quite like you on this show, Mr.
Murdock.
I tell you, folks, this helicopter pilot from Westwood.
Westwood has $28,000 in prizes for his three days with us.
[audience cheering.]
How do you account for all the success you've had out here? Clean living, plenty of exercise and a complete familiarity with the frequency tables of the alphabet.
Well, anyway, you have $6,500 to spend and we'll do that right now.
What would you like? For $150, I would like the humidor and the cigars.
(Pat) All right, you have $6,350 left.
For $250, I would like the auto buffer and the year's supply of Reptile Car Wax.
Mmm.
$6,100 to go.
For $1,800, I would like the four-buoy waterbed.
Okay.
Now you're down to $4,300.
And for $4,250, I would like the trip for two to Hawaii.
I was wondering when you'd get around to that.
And you still have $50 to go.
How do you want that? Gift certificate, Pat.
All right.
Gift certificate it is.
Jack Clark, he really wiped us out.
Tell him about all the great things he's gonna be carrying home with him.
(Jack) I sure will, Pat.
Well, H.
M first, it's the President's Humidor from Humidors-R-Us.
It holds up to 50 cigars, guarantees to keep them fresh for over a year.
And to fill that box to the brim 50 El Capitans from Carlos y Carlos the finest in smooth tobaccos retail value $150.
And then, it's a year's supply of Reptile Wax along with the new Sol Buff the solar-powered buffer of the '80s to keep that reflection on your car year after year.
Total value of car-care products: $250.
And, for the ultimate in sleeping comfort it's the four-buoy waterbed from Bed Shed.
Ride the waves or float in comfort on queen-size adventure in sleeping.
Retail value: $1,800.
And finally we'll fly you and a guest to the beautiful Kona Lua Hotel in Waikiki.
There, you'll stay for 14 days in the King Kamehameha Suite overlooking the deep Hawaiian sea a casual yet elegant atmosphere in the paradise capital of the world, Hawaii.
Airfare, hotel, meals, and $500 in spending money are all there to make your fun in the sun a vacation to remember.
Retail value of your trip: $4,250.
[audience cheering.]
That's terrific! Not bad for a couple of days' work, huh? No, sir.
Of course, we're going to see you in two weeks for our Super Challenge Match.
You'll be playing for prizes valued at from $12,000 up.
I want a shot at that Mazda.
All right.
Listen, we'll see you back here.
We'll be back with more Wheel of Fortune.
Nice going.
Thanks.
[audience cheering.]
N'[music playing.]
Mmm? Mmm.
You did it.
You did it.
(both) We did it.
We did it.
[both whooping.]
We did it! Holy [both laughing.]
Was I right about those frequency tables or what? Absolutely! And it is amazing.
I just have this ability to flash right on a word with only one or two letters exposed, and the entire phrase it just comes right into my mind.
You know, I told you, as soon as you know the puzzle solve it, because, one bad spin of that wheel and [exclaims.]
But that's what we were watching the show for all those weeks.
I mean, I knew exactly how to spin that wheel You did, yeah! to miss the bad spots.
And I'm telling you, when I got in here this morning and I spun that wheel it felt exactly as I imagined it.
Hawaii, Murdock.
Hawaii.
How are you gonna get me out of the Vet? I don't think it'll be a problem.
I mean, we've run out of diseases, pal, you know? I got two weeks to come up with something good.
Believe me, when that day comes we are going to be on that plane.
We? What do you mean, "we"? We.
Yeah.
You and me, pal.
Faceman you know how I'm kind of smitten on Jeni Beth and I kind of In my mind's eye, I kind of saw the two of us floating in the waters of the deep blue Hawaiian sea.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute here.
What about the old Faceman? I'm your constant companion! Coach of the Year? Jeni Beth is the most productive dental hygienist I've ever met.
Sorry, Murdock, but [chuckles.]
No ticket, no scam.
Hi.
May I help you? Yes, I think you can, Miss Pearlson.
I'm looking for a Mr.
Murdock.
Why aren't you looking for me? Well, see, I'm in kind of a rush.
See, I really need Mr.
Murdock.
He's due to show up at a two-week research project at Point Dume on delayed stress.
It happens twice a year.
Okay, let me check the transfer forms.
Okay.
Ah, yes, here it is.
Can you believe it? The paperwork is actually in sync.
Okay.
Just a minute, please.
A gentleman is here to pick up Mr.
Murdock.
I'll take care of it.
So This is Nurse Dodd at the VA.
You asked me to call if anyone inquired about Mr.
Murdock.
Yes, yes.
Thank you for following up.
Another gentleman is here trying to check Mr.
Murdock out of the facility.
Thanks again for calling us.
You've done your country a great service.
Can't you people get coordinated? An officer came by and picked him up this morning.
This morning? Of course.
They took him up to Harristown where that general needs a kidney.
The general who needs a kidney, huh? Did the officer say how long it would take to put Mr.
Murdock's kidney into the general? Two weeks.
He went without me! (Lazarus) That's him.
Let's see where the rabbit runs.
(B.
A.
) Come on, come on, Walter.
Man, run! Come on, Walter, run! (commentator) going the other way.
He changed directions to the right side Keep moving, Walter.
Run! Run! Step on her! Move! Dodge! turning back towards the middle, and he's finally brought down for 85 yards.
Whoa, whoa.
It's just me.
Okay? What're you doing sneaking up on me, man, without knocking? I live here, remember? Where did Hannibal go? He's gone.
He told me to watch the place while you were in Hawaii.
Great, I loan the apartment to him, he loans it to you.
[TV stops blaring.]
There.
I love your TV, Faceman.
[TV resumes blaring.]
Uh-huh.
You also love my refrigerator.
You owe me $400 for the groceries you ate last time you were here.
That reminds me, man.
You're out of milk.
You never have enough milk.
Who drinks milk? Where exactly did Hannibal go? I don't know, man.
He left with these two chicks.
[hesitatingly.]
Margie, Maggie, Linda Maggie and Lori? Yeah, that's them.
The twins from 12? The stewardesses? So that's why they was in uniform.
Oh, no.
Well, when will they be back? Not for two weeks.
He went to Rio, man.
Rio? They went to Oh, great.
That's just Well, did he leave a telephone number? I don't know.
Check by the telephone, man.
Oh, boy, I tell you, if it's [dial tone humming.]
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
He used my Double Breath Gum stationary! And I just had it made up.
Yeah, well, you see, I met the twins in the elevator and I told them I was head of an advertising company and we were looking for twins for our commercials.
That means you be working for Hannibal, 'cause he already told them that he was the president of the company.
Yes, Hannibal Smith, please.
(female operator) Please wait.
[stammering.]
Yeah, yeah, I'll hold.
Boy, this is just peachy! Murdock's missing Hannibal's 7,000 miles away in Rio auditioning twins for a gum commercial Hey, man, why ain't you in Hawaii? This supposed to be your vacation week.
Hello? (Face) Hannibal? Face! How's Hawaii? I have no idea.
I'm standing right here in my very own apartment.
What's the matter? See, I was supposed to check Murdock out of the VA Hospital this morning so that we could go to Hawaii.
When I got there, he'd already gone.
Maybe he double-crossed you and went to Hawaii without you.
Well, nice talking to you.
I'll talk to you in a couple of weeks, Face.
No, wait, wait, wait, wait! Don't hang up! See, I'm a little confused here, Hannibal.
You see, I thought it was you that had sprung him out.
And, well, then I called this girl Jeni Beth, and Well, she's Murdock's first choice for the trip.
The point is, Jeni Beth was still at work.
Okay? Hannibal, I think something is very wrong here.
Perfect.
What'? Not you, Face, the twins.
The twins are perfect.
Oh.
Yeah, they'll be great in the commercial.
Where does the hospital say Murdock's gone? Well, this battle-ax nurse told me that Murdock was donating a kidney to a general in Harristown.
Only, I called Harristown, and they haven't even located a donor yet.
Well, maybe he redug the tunnel and went under the wall.
No, I don't think so.
I Look, I'm gonna run down all the airlines and I'll call over at the game show.
Yeah, well, have B.
A.
call the hotel that comps the Wheel of Fortune and see if he's checked in.
Yeah, good idea.
But if he doesn't show up, call me.
Sure.
You can always hurry back for that big board meeting.
I'm Chairman of the board, remember? I don't have to hurry back.
Who could possibly forget? Hannibal, you are going to pay for this one.
Oh, cheer up, Lieutenant.
[commentator continues chattering.]
B.
A.
, do you think you could possibly get the pigskins out of your head long enough to help me try and locate Murdock? If he didn't get on a plane for Hawaii then where is the crazy fool? I think he's coming to.
[sighing.]
Welcome to Baraq, my friend.
Who are you? What's going on? Call me Joshua.
Joshua what? Just Joshua.
That's all you need to know.
This is Jeremy Woods.
Just out of chopper school.
You two share a common interest.
Did you kidnap him, too? Hardly.
Glad to meet you, Captain Murdock.
We've been admiring your flight record for some time.
Particularly your escape flight from Hanoi in '69.
Who's been admiring my flight records? We have.
The guys who pulled you out of bed at 6:00 this morning and put you on a plane to South America before the hospital staff could blink.
What are you gonna do? Shoot me? You know the CIA doesn't shoot anyone officially.
Listen, friend I know how the CIA works.
They have a more formal calling card and introduction than "drug and run.
" I used to work for those dudes.
Once in December of 1967 and again in the spring of '72.
Agent Chaney sends his regards.
Yeah? Well, how is old Tim? You know he isn't named Tim.
Your country needs your help, Mr.
Murdock for a special assault team.
All-civilian operation.
So in case we're caught or killed, the United States won't be accused of intervening in the internal affairs of Baraq.
What do you know about the Hind A-10? You mean that cast-iron Russian bag of bolts that has, or has reported to have the most sophisticated radar in the world? I told you he kept up on these things.
What's it doing in Baraq? Apparently, the Russians have brought two into the Western Hemisphere.
Our boys captured one in Curaguay about a month ago and this is the other one.
This is all very educational but what do you want me for? You're gonna teach Jeremy here how to fly it.
Welcome back to the service, Captain Murdock.
Sorry we couldn't be more formal, give you time to pack and all that.
You're gonna have a little bit more trouble than finding me new clothes.
Oh, don't worry about the hospital.
That's all taken care of.
Well, it's not the hospital people you're gonna have to worry about.
Listen, B.
A.
, the airline has no record of Murdock getting on a flight to Hawaii.
Yeah, so I'm heading your way.
Right.
[tires screeching.]
You want directions to the freeway, right? (B.
A.
) Excuse me.
Do you have a patient here by the name of H.
M.
Murdock? Yes.
What do you want? I'm from the Wheel of Fortune.
Oh, yes.
We heard about his little television appearance.
What do you want with him now? I'm one of his prizes.
Excuse me? I'm part of his fantasy weekend.
Just what exactly do you do? It's my hands.
lam Mr.
Masseuse and this guy Murdock, he won a deluxe massage for himself and six of his best friends.
He's not here and he won't be back for two weeks.
How about you, mama? Your neck looks a little stiff.
No, thank you.
Now, good day.
[clattering.]
(Lazarus) Bach's Stereo.
This is Nurse Dodd again.
Another man came in looking for Mr.
Murdock.
He was from that game show.
Thanks again for calling us, Nurse Dodd.
Glad to do my duty.
Bach's Stereo.
Henderson.
[horn blaring.]
I had a feeling that was you at the door.
(B.
A.
) Hey, Face, where's Murdock? I have no idea.
You guys are in big trouble with the government.
Yeah, yeah, we know.
Now, where's our other friend? Just beyond that gate, behind those rocks, is the target.
Camouflaged facility for the Hind Mil A-10.
Let me make this as clear as possible.
Once we get in there, the only way out alive is to fly out.
[chuckling.]
And to think I could be in Hawaii.
We go as soon as I change.
How good's his Russian? He's a man of many talents.
[grunts.]
[in English.]
Matches? [guns firing.]
[grunts.]
Come on.
Totally awesome.
Look at this radio.
Wonder which one of these switches turns on the windshield wipers, huh? Let's move it.
[engine whirring.]
I'm telling you something, man this baby's got about a 5,000-foot-per-minute climb on it.
Amazing.
And this stick! She feels like she's stuck in jelly, she's so smooth.
Can I give it a try? Soon, soon.
You know, he's a quick study here.
I think about an hour of instruction this boy here is going to be able to fly this sucker.
Very good, Captain.
You know, if we were aboveground, I'd put you in for a medal.
Yeah, well, I'll settle for a lift to Waikiki.
How's that? How about the firepower? Go for it.
All right.
All right.
I've got a target in sight.
Heat sensors, audio indicators tell me that it's unoccupied.
Give it a shot.
Off course, sir, headed toward restricted area.
Veer back to course, Captain.
We don't want to stray over the border.
Back to course, Captain.
(Joshua) Back to course.
Now! Baraq, huh? Looks like Las Vegas to me.
(Murdock) So you think you're gonna knock over a casino with that thing? The world's going to think that you knocked over a casino with that thing.
They meet at 10:00.
Are we ready to roll? All set.
You think you can control that thing? Hey, I can get us to the Silver Horse Hotel and back.
I'm already as good as this guy.
In your dreams, rookie.
We don't need this clown.
Let's just waste him right here.
You better be looking after that tail rotor, boy.
You remember what the Russian label is for "crosswind indicator" boy? Easy, kid, he's just trying to psyche you out.
It's a lot of car, boy.
Yeah, but I know what I'm doing.
[laughing.]
My best student.
Too bad his teacher's gonna die.
You see, after we get the cash, you crash and burn.
That's why I don't want to shoot you.
The scenario works better without any bullets in your body.
"Crazed Vet Cops Commie Chopper, Conks Casino.
" [chuckling.]
That's gonna look great in the tabloids.
That's too much alliteration.
You know, you begin to give me a headache.
It'll play great in print.
See the government captures this chopper down in Curaguay and they bring it here to the Nevada desert and you come along and steal it from the Americans and use it for a casino heist.
You know, I was actually assigned to guard the thing.
That's how I gained computer access to your previous adventures with the CIA.
You got all your bases covered, right, Josh? You know it.
We'll be back to get you for the big party.
Relax and enjoy your last hours.
[gasping.]
[inhaling.]
[grunts.]
[helicopter engine starting.]
Burn, you sucker! Burn.
[grunting.]
[exclaims.]
Mr.
Stein, good morning, Sir.
Here are the figures for the drop.
(Avery) Up 12% from the same week last year.
(Stein) You would never think that a man who makes lions disappear could fill a showroom like that night after night.
This is great, really great.
I think that the new sports book is raising the average, too.
Yeah.
Now, if they could only play football year round.
Security's got another rumbling about a heist.
Do you know when that transfer's due today? (Stein) At 4:40.
Floating a rumor about a heist was brilliant.
and the Air Express is ready to go on, then? It's gonna take off right on schedule with a dummy load.
Okay.
Oh, the armored car.
Armored car and two sedans will form a convoy.
(Avery) They'll take the money straight from our cages to the Federal Reserve in Los Angeles without stopping.
How much is the drop? $2.
2 million.
That's not bad.
Not bad at all for a kid from Fairfax Avenue.
Thank you, Howard.
Yes, sir.
I knew they'd change their plans.
This thing against an armored car? [laughing.]
I think it's about three miles from here.
We gotta pray that Murdock finds a way to contact us.
Yeah.
Boy, I should be sitting on a beach in Hawaii sucking on a Mai Tai.
[exclaiming.]
Thank you so much.
I can't tell you what this means to me.
Sorry, I don't pick up hitchhikers.
This is a matter of life and death.
I've got to get to a phone.
Really.
I don't think we're going anywhere.
What the Oh Where's your Right here.
[steam hissing.]
[woman exclaims.]
Look, I'll tell you what.
You give me a crack at this baby and if I get it rolling again, you just take me to a phone.
How about it? Well Please.
Well, okay.
Murdock.
H.
M.
Murdock.
Jody Joy.
Jody Jody Joy? You like it? I'm on my way to Vegas.
I got a job in the line at the Tropicana.
You're gonna be a chorus girl? Yes.
It's like the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, congratulations, baby.
Thanks.
You know, you look familiar.
I've seen you somewhere before.
No, I don't think so.
Did you ever work at the Magic Castle? Nope.
But I think I found our problem.
It's a broken fan belt.
I know.
If I could No, that's not going to work.
Give me your stockings.
Oh, the elasticity.
They have an elasticity to it.
I can Police do it all the time.
You tie Okay.
See, I I feel really silly.
I mean, I know I [stammering.]
You meet a strange man That sounds terrible.
You meet a strange man in the desert and the first thing he does is ask you to give him your stockings.
But I'm telling you, I wouldn't be asking you if this wasn't the only way to get this car moving again.
I mean when you're in situations like this, you have to come up with bizarre and creative-- Oh, thank you.
I know.
I know where I saw you.
You were on the Wheel of Fortune the other day! Did you see that? You won the trip to Hawaii.
You should be in Hawaii.
I know.
Tell me about it.
It was amazing.
I've never seen anybody solve the puzzles so quick.
It was nothing, really.
Meeting you is like the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
[laughs.]
All right.
He's gone! Keep the radio open.
(Jeremy) He'd have to cross all the way to the highway on foot.
If he caught a ride, where's the nearest phone? The only place for 30 miles is that dive at Cross Creek Road.
[helicopter engine whining.]
My real name is Jody Kleinman but I changed it when I went to work for Morty.
The magician? Yeah.
Morty the Magnificent.
Ah! Civilization.
Well, thanks for giving me a lift, honey.
Does this mean you're saying good bye? I'm afraid so.
Well, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I could give you a lift into Vegas.
Just let me go in and fix my face.
Listen thanks, honey, but I might be meeting some people here that you're not going to like.
Well, good luck.
Good luck to you, too.
And break a leg and all that.
Thanks.
But [phone ringing.]
Lou's Delivery.
Faceman, it's me.
Where's Hannibal? Never mind that.
Where are you? Are you all right? Not so good.
I need to see you real quick.
I'm at a roadside diner called Jeffrey's Jamboree on Cross Creek Road.
It's about 12 miles outside of Vegas on the California side.
Yeah, we just passed it.
We're about 10 minutes away.
We'll be there.
[people chattering.]
[door closing.]
[door creaking.]
I'm so glad you're back.
This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you mind if I drive? No, as long as you're careful.
[powerful engine revving.]
[Jody exclaiming.]
[tires screeching.]
[gun firing.]
Get down! What's going on? They'll do anything to keep me from getting back on the Wheel of Fortune.
Now watch out! That was great! I mean, that was amazing! The most exciting thing that ever happened to you, huh? Yeah! [helicopter whirring.]
He sure is a popular fellow.
They been people in here looking for him all day.
Last we seen him was back there in the ladies' room.
Thank you, Amelia.
Okay.
Mirror signal.
Mmm-hmm.
I haven't seen that since Saigon.
Well.
Shall we? Do we really have to make this trip? Of course.
After we get the cash, the chopper, the money, and the lunatic that's you, have to crash and burn.
Dead crime, dead criminal, right? That's the beauty of it.
Nobody will be looking for the money.
They'll think it all burned up.
Miss Joy, I'm sorry you had to be a part of this.
But you shouldn't pick up hitchhikers.
I want you to know one thing.
I don't blame you at all for this.
You're some kind of girl, Jody Joy.
Some kind of girl.
(Face) Jack Stein? What are you guys doing? What are you barging in here like this? Your drop's about to be hit.
You guys are making a big mistake here.
We telling you the truth, Jack.
Well, if they want to hit the plane, I say, you know, let them.
But you boys are the ones in real trouble here.
[cocking gun.]
Huh.
Right on schedule.
This is gonna be fun.
[machine gun firing.]
[machine gun firing.]
They say this thing can pull a tank out of a mud hole.
They should thank us for field-testing it.
Jack Stein sends his best.
Ta-da! How did you do that? We used to do it all the time when I worked for Morty the Magnificent.
The trick is in flexing your wrists while the guy from the audience is tying you up.
We used to practice it all the time.
Morty loved to tie me up.
I bet he did.
Murdock, are you all right? Oh.
I guess you are.
You know what? That's the most exciting thing that ever happened to me.
[audience applauding.]
(Pat) All right, H.
M.
, you're playing for the truck.
We need five consonants and one vowel.
T.
That's one.
S.
Two.
L.
Three.
C.
Four.
And D.
And a vowel, please? Give me an E, please.
All right.
Vanna White will turn the letters you have found now.
This is a place.
It's for the truck.
You have 15 seconds.
Good luck.
[timer beeping.]
"South America.
" That's it! Yes! [audience cheering.]
That's amazing! "South America.
" Congratulations.
Wow! That's wonderful.
You know, there was some talk that you might not even be able to make it back for our Championship playoffs.
No, no way, I wasn't going to miss this one.
Yeah.
What have you been doing with yourself the past few days? Actually, it's been very quiet, uneventful, really.
Probably nothing as exciting as around here, huh? No way.
You've been a super player.
How in the world did you get South America with just four letters up there? I always wanted to go there.
Well, congratulations again.
Let me get this mike off and we'll go look at your truck.
Nice going, H.
M.
Over you go.
[audience cheering.]
Oh, my God! Hawaii, Murdock! Hawaii! Yeah, Hawaii.
I wanted to talk to you about Hawaii.
You're not gonna start with that Jeni Beth stuff again, are you? No, no.
I'm not taking Jeni Beth.
I'm taking-- That was pretty exciting! What did you think? Nothing compared to you and me in Hawaii! Hawaii! I have never been to Hawaii.
I've dreamed about it.
Me, too! Scuba diving.
You're gonna teach me to scuba dive? Scuba diving, and Mai Tais.
Hula! Abalone? You gonna teach me to get abalone off the rocks? We can go helicopter riding.
[both chattering.]