The Almighty Johnsons (2011) s02e06 Episode Script

Eva.
She's dead.
- Is she? - Have you no respect? I killed her, which I think answers that question.
This is where I need you to man up.
I'm not experienced when it comes to disposing of dead bodies.
I've only ever done this one time before.
Don't make out like I'm some kind of serial killer.
You'll keep.
And then there was this diagram linking her and Eva and you and this freezer.
Isn't it obvious? She thinks I killed Eva.
I might as well have, so Dawn can join the queue of fellow believers.
Well, I don't think you did it, and I don't know anyone else who does.
Colin does.
Dyrstr ek kom, pessar hallar til, Loki, un langan veg.
Hvi pegid er sva, prungin god, at per maela ne megud? Sessa OK stadi velid mer stumbliat, eda heitid mik hedan.
Wakey, wakey, spread your legs.
Jesus, Colin.
I'm sleeping.
Oh, stop that nonsense and prepare to screw.
Happy.
Sleeping.
And I have returned from a hard day working the annals of justice.
And to reward myself, I wish to shag.
A classic midnight root.
You, being the current root of choice, need to get with the programme.
I'm not your whore, Colin.
Indeed not, but let's be very clear about one thing.
I am a god, you are a goddess, so start behaving in the appropriate manner.
I want a root, and I want it now.
Now we're getting somewhere.
- Oh, my God! Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
- Oh, no! Oh, no! No! It's OK, Ingrid.
There's a fire! Was a fire.
I was dreaming of, um, bells.
And then silence.
That would be the smoke alarm, the one I turned off 10 minutes ago.
You are a sound sleeper.
I take pills sometimes, just when things are getting a bit loud in there.
Wow, how lucky are we that you installed that smoke alarm last week? Yeah.
It was like you knew.
It should be my territory, but you were miles ahead.
I'm sure it was a oncer.
Was it the fridge? They burst into flames more often than you'd think.
No.
It was my bed.
OK.
Well, that's less common.
Shit.
You were so lucky you weren't burnt to a crisp.
Hod, god of all things cold.
For once, that's a good thing.
It must hurt, putting out fire with your bare hands.
The cold tends to numb the pain.
I could tend them, if you like.
Your wounds.
They're not that wounded.
And your bed is burnt.
You'll need a place to sleep.
Honestly, I'm OK.
Thanks, Ingrid.
Are you sure? Yeah.
But you might want to move out.
I've lived in more burnt-out places than this.
For your own safety, I mean.
This was Loki trying to kill me.
No.
No, that can't be.
Unfortunately, it is, Ingrid.
Gods killing gods - all wrong.
That leads bad places.
Especially for the dead one.
No, no, generally.
All bad for all of us.
There there are ripples.
Some days you just want to wake up, open your paper and read of a fatal house fire.
Doesn't have to be multiple fatalities.
Just one will do.
Whatever spins your wheels.
Today is not one of those days! This was at the front door for you.
Open it.
What did your last slave die of? A parcel bomb.
Smoke alarms save lives.
Put it on the ground.
Why? On the ground! You are such a child sometimes.
Loki can be so unimaginative at times.
Like he's the only one who knows how to set fire to stuff.
Well, it was nearly me he set fire to last night.
And he failed because you were prepared.
Good boy.
He knows.
He knows what happened to Eva.
If he knew he wouldn't be after you, would he? Oh, Colin's not as smart as he pretends to be.
But he needs to be told what's what.
I can deal with Colin.
I'm sure you can, but let me take a crack at him first.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
I'm aware of that.
But Colin and I we understand each other.
I'm surprised to hear that.
I don't want things escalating.
Understandable.
And I hear you.
The door was unlocked.
I must get that lock fixed.
Try locking it.
So, are you making millions? I don't give a shit about the money.
No, seriously, I'm a man of few needs.
As long as I'm covering the costs of my cheapskate family drinking all my booze, then I'm all good.
No, it's the the winning I truly like.
As I understood it, you can't lose.
Yet I still enjoy it.
Is that wrong of me? Why are you here, Michele? Unlike you, Mike, some of us are capable of backing the wrong horse.
Ah, see, I'm crap at horseracing.
Can't pick a winner to save myself.
Work with me, Mike.
But you're the one doing all the work here.
Really? I've seen the lingering looks you've given me.
There are worse places to linger.
You've never had the pleasure of a goddess, have you? I hold a healthy mistrust for the goddess as a species.
That's a real pity.
Put the right god and the right goddess together - magic.
Unless, of course, the goddess backs the wrong horse.
That can change.
Really? Even when they're shacked up with Colin Gundersen? Sure.
Why not? Look around.
Man pad.
Bar downstairs.
Happy place.
The last thing I need is to mess it up with a relationship.
Such a mortal outlook.
Who said anything about a relationship? I was thinking more along the lines of power sharing.
And sex, of course.
Sorry? You have power? I am a goddess.
To be fair, a minor one.
And I have powers.
Which are what? My powers deal with the force of attraction.
I bring men and women together.
Or women and women, or men and men, for that matter.
That's some serious God shit right there.
Hmm.
I run a bar.
Alcohol has the same effect.
I can make the most undesirable creature desirable to anyone.
Don't you dare call that minor.
The most undesirable? The most hideous of the hideous.
Gosh, if that was true, then that is a power worth having on my side.
Yes, it is.
If only you could prove this.
Did you have someone in mind? A lot of women comment on the size of my nose.
And you know what they say - big nose, big Big nose, big Cock! Big nose, big cock! It really isn't hard to see why he's still a virgin.
If you can hook him up with anyone, then you will have my attention.
It's not your attention I'm after.
Oh to what do I owe the? No, pleasure's not really the right word.
It's more a dull ache in the general vicinity of the scrotum.
You paid my son a midnight visit.
Really? Oh.
Sounds saucy.
But, sorry, I don't do men, so I've got no idea what you're talking about.
Trying to kill Ty will not bring back your daughter.
Now, that is a very serious allegation.
You have it in your limited yet twisted mind that Ty had something to do with her death.
Well, he was her husband.
But he did not kill her.
Yet he did do very well out of her death, with the house and everything.
Eva was a headcase.
You know it.
I know it.
The police know it.
In the end, she died as a result of her own recklessness.
Now, you need to accept that and move on.
You do me a disservice.
Ty was, and still is, my treasured son-in-law.
With Eva gone from the known world, he exists to keep her memory alive.
In fact, every time I see him, I think of her.
Even in his sleep.
You need to leave here.
Now.
I'm not hiding from him.
He will come after you again.
Gods killing other gods it's not good.
Oh, as perceptive as always, Ingrid.
You can stay with me.
You were supposed to sort Colin.
We talked.
He's not letting it go, so this place is not safe for you.
At least not until the whole sorry mess is handled in a proper godly way.
Which is what? Are we talking a folkmoot? Come, stay with me.
OK.
No, not you! No, I really don't think it's a good idea.
Oh, as you wish.
What about Anders' place? Dawn has gone on her holiday.
Would that be acceptable? Oh, I like Anders' place.
It's quite flash.
Just give me 10 minutes to pack.
No, Ingrid, you are to stay here.
What? In case Colin comes back.
But isn't that why we're leaving? If he finds the place empty, he'll burn it to the ground out of spite.
But didn't he try and do that when we were here? You'll be fine, Ingrid.
Think of it as repaying Ty for his hospitality.
Hello, Axl.
You have no breasts now.
I liked your breasts.
Yeah, well, you know how it is shapeshifting swings and roundabouts.
Some things shrink, other things grow.
I'll take your word for that.
That came out wrong.
It did.
I want your flatmate.
Gaia? I don't think she's into chicks.
The other one.
Zeb? Seriously? Yes.
Very.
Did I hear somebody wants me? You did.
And I do.
Seriously? I need to you to come with me.
I don't think so.
Oh, I think you should.
To do what? An errand of love.
Will it get me laid? Yes.
I need to gargle.
Excuse me.
This is weird.
I should come with you.
Are you fucking nuts? She's a goddess, Zeb.
You can't trust goddesses.
Yet you still banged her.
As a woman.
I was vulnerable.
She took advantage of me.
And now she wants to take advantage of me, and I am good with that.
This is my moment, bro.
All the same Sorry, Axl.
Just because when you had her, you only had a vagina, that's no reason to rain on my parade.
She wants the Zeb driver, man .
.
d I'm happy to oblige.
Take me.
Good boy.
Agnetha.
Michele, this is a surprise.
We were just leaving.
Not Axl, I hope.
Just me.
Good.
Bye.
You seem worried.
Weird stuff's going on.
If Michele wants to amuse herself with your flatmate, so what? She's always been short on priorities and is of no significance in the pantheon of the gods.
Your brother wants you to call a folkmoot.
Right.
And a folkmoot is? And you want to be Odin.
Well, technically, I am Odin.
Then act like him.
Call a folkmoot.
It would help if I knew what it is.
Colin has tried to kill Ty.
What? Why? Because he's Loki and he's angry about the death of his daughter.
That wasn't Ty's fault.
Yeah, I know that.
You know that.
But Colin is walking a different path.
He needs to be stopped, and the only way is by holding a folkmoot.
Right.
So is a folkmoot something you actually hold - in your hand? Oh, for fuck's sake.
Did your oracle teach you nothing? Olaf's my oracle.
Oh.
Well, I'm sure even Olaf can explain a folkmoot.
I'm counting on you to do the right thing by your brother.
Of course.
I will.
Once I know what I'm doing.
OK, so what happens now? All will be revealed.
Remove your arm or I will break it into 14 pieces.
One for each year of your mental age.
I thought this was a love errand.
It is.
Just not involving me, because I wouldn't touch you if you were dipped in chocolate.
Oh.
Argh! Whoa! Ow! Jesus! You idiot! Are you trying to get me killed?! She pushed me.
Stupid bitch! What did you do that for? There, there.
No harm done.
Hello? I seriously injured my arse just now.
But no-one died, did they? No-one lost a loved one.
In fact, some may have gained one.
What the hell are you talking about? What? I should take a look at your injury.
At my arse? Your place isn't far from here, right? Uh, yeah.
Sure.
Come.
What about your bike? She'll look after it.
A folkmoot? Gosh.
Did Agnetha say why she wanted a folkmoot? Because Colin tried to kill Ty.
What!? Apparently, he's hell-bent on taking Ty out 'cause he's fucked up about Eva dying.
This folkmoot, what exactly is it? When gods behave badly to other gods, a folkmoot can be called.
It's a meeting of the gods.
Like a thing? Bigger.
A thing is like a small thing.
A folkmoot is like a bigger thing.
It's not to be taken lightly.
It's a big thing thing where important things are decided.
It's like a court, Axl.
Ah.
Presided over by the senior god incarnate.
Which is me? Yes.
The deal is you need to arrange everything.
You call all the relevant gods to it and then preside and decide.
A folkmoot? What is this? The Dark Ages? You expect me to drop everything for a pointless round of 'who pissed who off?' Spare me.
A folkmoot has been called.
I'd rather watch paint dry off a nun's crack.
You have been summonsed, Colin.
"Summonsed"? Excuse me, man-child.
I do not get summonsed anywhere by a 21-year-old building technology student.
You still have to go.
No.
No, I don't.
I will not be there on the grounds it's a load of antiquated bollocks.
No, you will be there.
Really? As far as I know, you tried to take my brother's life.
We require answers and justification.
Oh, do we now? We are gods, and that is what we do.
You don't need to like it, but you sure as hell need to lump it.
And you will be there, Loki, because I said so.
So this is Odin speaking now? That's right.
You haven't told me where this folkmoot will occur.
The usual place.
Fair enough.
When? Look, I'll text you the details, OK? Hi.
I wouldn't go in there.
It's my room.
No, really, I wouldn't! Look, I'm tired, OK? Whoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, my Lord! I said don't go in there! Holy shit! When I came home, she had him bent over the couch I don't want to think about it! Why are they in my room!? Don't mind me.
Just coming up for air if you know what I mean.
Why are you in my bed? I sleep in there! Dude, my sheets are so crusty, no way was I popping my cherry in my bed.
Do you have any more condoms, man? I'm totally on fire.
Hey, I haven't finished with you.
I feel violated.
I'm gonna take a shower.
Yeah? You called? When were you going to tell me Colin tried to kill you? It's nothing.
An attempt on your life is hardly nothing.
It's my problem, Mike.
I'll handle it.
Obviously, not very well.
Oh, fuck you.
Hey, a folkmoot's been called.
I know.
So you'd better think about what your angle is.
I have to go.
Jesus.
I took your key off you.
Olaf has one.
For when Anders Gets drunk and loses his.
OK, I get it.
All the brothers have keys.
I thought you'd gone on holiday.
I didn't.
No.
Obviously, you're here and And you're here, and this is not your house.
This is totally feeling stalkerish, Ty.
It's not.
I'm not.
I I needed some You still think I killed Eva.
It's hard not to.
But I told you it's not true.
You sure did, and you were almost convincing.
But something didn't quite ring true and then, lo and behold, I see you kissing your old family friend, the one who is very keen to get me out of the country, on your doorstep.
You mean Agnetha? Yes.
And old is the operative word.
You've been spying on me? I was passing.
Now who's stalkerish? Fuck you.
She's almost old enough to be your mother, Ty.
It's sick.
It's not like that.
What else am I supposed to think? Why shouldn't the police think the same thing? There is truly no need to call the police.
There will be if you don't leave.
D-do you remember the night you nearly died? Which time, Ty, out of my two near-death experiences of recent months? The first time.
Not really.
I was in a hyperthermic state.
My heart rate had dropped to below 20% of its normal function.
Well, I do.
And it was without question the worst night of my life.
The thought of losing you was impossible to comprehend.
Which you felt so strongly about, you suddenly married someone else.
Whereas the night Eva died, which should have been the worst night of my life, seeing as she was my wife, it wasn't, because I was here with you.
Looking after you.
And there was nowhere else I would rather have been.
But were you? What? Here.
Yes.
I was asleep.
I know.
So it's hard for me to know if you were here or not.
I stayed by your side all night because I care about you so much, Dawn.
And I-I know I can't prove I was here, but I was.
And I know we can't be together and that breaks my heart, but I'm not a killer.
I swear.
Folkmoot, my arse.
One small house fire, not even a fatal one, and we're expected to sit around holding hands, talking about our feelings.
It's bullshit.
And yet compulsory.
That is not the point.
Even a powerful man like Colin Gundersen can't wangle his way out of it.
How does that make you feel? Emasculated? You're getting a bit lippy on it.
Must be the mood I'm in.
Maybe you should put those lips to better use.
Oh, for goodness sake.
No, seriously, on your knees.
Not going to happen.
Not now.
Not ever again.
Why? Are you on strike? Has someone sewn it shut? I'm leaving, Colin.
Fine.
Piss off, then.
Do I care? No.
Actually, you're doing me a big favour.
Am I? Yes, sweetheart.
A big fucking favour.
I was getting bored with you anyway.
Then you won't mind if I do this.
Oh, fuck! Shit! Colin a stupid fucking name for a god.
I have to go to work, but I so don't want to.
But I'll be back as soon as soon.
And I shall be here, reloaded and ready to shoot that load.
I'll call you.
That's nice, but traditionally girls don't call me.
Stace? Told you I'd call.
I miss you.
Total conquest! Seven and a half times! That's great, Zeb.
I'd love to hear more, but I've got a night shift.
Bye, Axl.
Nailed by a goddess, no less.
Man, we didn't just do the book of Kama Sutra; we tore out the pages and totally rewrote it! What's that smell? That'll be the pheromones, bro.
I thought BO was a bad thing, but Stace was totally gagging for it.
No, it smells like butter.
Oh, we ran out of lubricant.
But it's OK.
I put it back in the fridge so it won't go rancid.
I'm gonna make sandwiches.
You want a sandwich? The silly girl was supposed to be on a plane.
Clearly, she didn't go.
It was a generous offer and non-refundable tickets.
Agnetha, she still thinks I killed Eva.
Stupid, stupid girl.
She's talking of going to the police.
She can pore over newspaper clippings.
She'll find no proof.
Proof or no proof, she thinks I'm a murderer.
Our plan was thorough, Ty.
Your plan.
I wish it had never happened.
Is that so? I love Dawn.
Now she thinks I'm some kind of killer.
Oh, that's ridiculous and you know it.
We have the folkmoot tomorrow, where we will get Colin off your back.
How? When gods go feral, they get their wings clipped.
And after that, I will take care of Dawn.
What do you mean "take care of"? I will make it all alright, Ty.
How? I just will.
After the folkmoot.
I helped cover up a fucking murder, Mike.
But you didn't actually kill her.
What difference does it make? Quite a lot, as it happens.
Not if Dawn thinks I'm a killer.
If every time she looks at me and sees a murderer, what's the point in going on? I don't want to live like that.
Not that it matters if our mother the psycho killer gets to Dawn.
How far will you go? What sort of question is that? How far will you go, Ty, to keep Dawn safe? Yes, you fucked up.
The moment you let our mother back into your life, you did that.
But you can make good on this if you're willing.
How? So, let me get this straight the folkmoot must be conducted in a godly hall? No, outside the hall.
The hall is where the top god you retreats to contemplate and seek counsel from your oracle.
Oh.
Good.
But it can't be just any hall.
The roof must be thatched from the hair of 12 giants and the walls woven from the skin of 14 dwarves.
I'll just pop down to Mitre 10, then.
Maybe it doesn't have to be that literal.
I've got something that will do.
Leave it with me.
Oh, and bring your sword.
Why? It's a folkmoot.
Hello there.
Good evening.
Drink? I'm good, thanks.
Maybe there's no point in locking that door if anyone can wander in here whenever they want.
Perhaps, subconsciously you crave visitors, hence you only think you locked the door.
So amateur psychology is another of your powers? My awesome powers - the ones which have led to one less virgin in the world and a cycle courier of curious sexual persuasion on total heat.
Job done.
This is a game, isn't it? What we're doing here.
Dancing around each other.
I suppose it is.
Mm-hm.
And, uh I can't lose at games.
So I've heard, but I'll need proof.
I need to know you're not some masquerading minor god trying to trick a fair-minded goddess out of her panties.
Doesn't Colin lay claim to those panties? Colin is nursing two very swollen testicles that just happened to collide with my knee.
Ouch for Colin.
So let's play a game.
Let me see these so-called powers of yours.
Alright.
Take off your shoes.
Hmm.
Now unbutton your top.
Are you participating in this game? Oh, yes, I am.
And does this game have a name? It is called Strip the Goddess Naked.
What are the rules? When the goddess is naked I win.
And what do I get out of this game? Me.
Hello, Colin.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
Uh, not looking, but, um, I need to find my keys.
Hi, Axl.
Won't be long.
Ah, no, please take your time.
No, no, I need to bum a lift to the folkmoot.
Me too.
No way, you are not coming.
Shit, did you tell Stacey you know about god stuff? Yeah, cool, eh? We agreed not to have any secrets from each other.
Yeah.
Total honesty keeps the chakras open.
Yeah, intensifies the orgasms, eh, honey? Hell, yeah! OK, I'll, uh, wait in the car.
OK.
Bye, Axl.
It's hardly a hall, is it? Don't knock it.
She's kept me sheltered from many a storm on surfing safaris.
I wish Zeb was here.
I would so do him in a tent.
I do hope there's even numbers.
It can get awkward otherwise.
Oh, you've misheard.
This is a folkmoot, not a folknatt.
I'm aware of that.
Is it not traditional that after the folkmoot, there's folk dancing? Oh, not in our family.
Oh.
I'm disappointed.
Oh, but I like your outfit.
Thanks.
The bells - nice.
Ting-a-ling.
Ting-a-ling.
Yes.
Ooh, you don't have to be an oracle to see what's going on there.
What is wrong with your grandfather? It's a type of palsy.
He can't help it.
I don't think your mother approves.
Good.
So, I guess we're waiting on Colin, then.
The accused.
He makes this cute little grunting sound just before he spurts.
Excellent to know, Stacey.
I'm going to send him a picture of my boobs.
I fear you've created a monster.
It'll wear off in a couple of days.
Hmm.
An interlude for Stacey to be proud of.
What if he doesn't turn up? The only excuse for missing a folkmoot is death.
We'll wait a bit longer, then.
Well, here's a sorry-arse-looking bunch of gods if ever I saw one.
Is he allowed to have a sword? Unsure of the protocol there.
My Lord Odin.
Colin.
God names.
Loki.
Baldr.
Loki.
Well, let's get this show on the road, then.
OK.
Baldr, your counsel, please.
One moment.
Ah, of course.
I have no freaking idea what to do.
I sensed that.
Then tell me what to do.
First of all, don't overthink things.
You're the judge here.
Just listen to the accusation and mete out punishment if required.
What sort of punishment? That's up to you.
Usually death.
Death? Hence the sword.
Did I not mention that? No.
I'm not chopping Colin's head off.
No, no, no, no.
You'll be chopping off Loki's head.
This is god business.
Sorry, gents, but I do have a 3 o'clock in town.
Could we please get this show on the road? Just remember you're Odin and you have the power.
Great.
Time for you to preside.
Grandpa! God names! OK, uh, we are gathered here today among these trees to discuss an alleged crime.
Alleged? He tried to kill another god.
I demand justice.
Loki, you are accused of attempting to take the life of Hod.
Uh, what have you, you know, got to say to this allegation? Well, yep, I did it.
Cocked it up, clearly, 'cause the bastard's still alive.
Disappointing, really.
Oh.
Right.
Well, I guess you're guilty, then.
Now, I'm not sure what the traditional punishment is in a case like this.
Being strung up by your legs with a serpent dripping venom into your eyes for all eternity.
OK, that sounds a bit extreme, and we don't have serpents in NZ.
Death.
Death is the only punishment should one god strike down another god.
Then obviously the same punishment should be meted out to those who slew the goddess Hel.
Even to your keen legal mind, my Lord Odin, actual murder has to be worse than an attempted murder.
And we will consider that after you are dead, Loki.
Hang on, my understanding is that Hel went nutso and ended up killing herself.
You have proof otherwise? Proof? What exactly is proof? Oh, for fuck's sake.
If by proof you mean do I know exactly what happened and how, then, yes, I have proof.
My daughter, in every realm, was murdered.
And if this folkmoot is to mean anything, it is to hold that god that did do the slaying accountable.
She was found full of pills and booze so clearly her killer knew she wasn't averse to that sort of thing.
She then drove her car into remote bush, stumbled down a path, fell, hit her head on a rock and drifted off into a hypothermic demise.
This is what the mortals believe and they believe it because it's very plausible.
Too plausible, in fact.
Too neat and tidy for a Johnson boy to concoct.
Well, no offence, fellas, but you're just not that clever.
Here's what I know really happened.
Someone entered Eva's house.
That someone smacked her over the head with a rock, plied her full of said pills and booze and dragged her into Hod's special place to die.
The door was jammed shut.
When I went inside, I saw Eva had tried to fight her way out, but I got there too late.
But if it helps, I did see her spirit leave.
You murdered my daughter, Freyja, out of some perverse attempt to free your son from what you saw as a doomed marriage.
I didn't ask her to do it.
I didn't want her to do it.
She did it of her own accord.
Why are you telling me this? Because the truth needs to come out.
Because if she isn't stopped, she will do it again.
And that's something I can't have on my conscience.
I did what I had to do to protect you and love you.
I'm your mother.
No.
No, you're not.
Here you are the goddess Frejya.
I call for judgment.
OK.
And swift and immediate sentencing.
OK, the crime of killing another god is pretty much the worst one ever, especially seeing as there aren't many of us.
So my judgment, as Odin, is that Frejya's punishment shall be that she must shape-shift back into being a tree for a period of no less than a mortal life.
I thank you for your wisdom, my Lord Odin.
What sort of soft-cock solution is that? Why not give her home detention or scrub-cutting by the side of the motorway? I demand something more in keeping with the crime.
No.
I have decided.
And your decision is bullshit.
Oh, screw you.
I'll do it myself.
- Odin has spoken.
- It will be done.
You turned out to be just another god after all.
No.
I'm just a guy doing what it takes to save someone I love.
Saving a mortal? How very noble.
Very well.
So be it.
Well, I believe after a good folkmoot, the tradition is that we drink until our eyes bleed.
And folk dancing.
Oh, thank God you're alive.
I've been trying to call you.
So nice to see you and smell you.
You weren't answering your phones.
I turned mine off for the folkmoot.
My battery died after I sent you the photo of my boobs.
Yeah, that was awesome.
Why? What's the big deal? I thought you guys might have been killed in the fire.
What fire? Dude, the forest fire.
Look.
Forced to pedal for their lives after being almost It broke out in the same area of the forest you guys were hanging in.
It's like this firestorm, totally blitzing the area.
OK, that's not good if you're a tree.
Sorry, who's a tree? cause of today's fire, but they say that arson cannot be ruled out at this stage.
Oh, you bastard.