The Batman (2004) s02e01 Episode Script
The Cat, the Bat and the Very Ugly
Paws off, puddy.
Hello? It's a cat.
The jewel's mine.
I beg to differ, my feline felon.
And so do my companions.
Now how could I say no to those beady blue eyes? Well, Mama Cobblepot did always say I was a handsome one.
You know, perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement.
What you have in mind, good-looking? This gem happens to be one of a pair.
The cat is all yours if you help rne steal the true object of my desire.
A partnership.
Millions of dollars' worth of art and valuables skipped over for a jeweled cat.
This heist has all the earmarks of Catwoman.
Except for the other point of entry.
She had help.
A second perp.
I want everyone to recanvass the exterior.
Let's move.
The tome you requested, Master Bruce.
A second perp doesn't fit her profile.
Catwoman works alone.
Well, partnerships do appear to be all the rage these days.
Detective Yin's a good cop, Alfred.
I'm glad she decided to put her trust in The Batman.
Dander of an Eastern European raven.
It's one of Penguin's birds.
But why would Catwoman team with Oswald Cobblepot? Here's why.
The relic stolen last night is one of a pair with Ra, the Egyptian sun god.
The very same relic currently on loan to the Museum of Natural History here in Gotham? A cat and a bird.
Two jewels, two villains.
And one crime-fighter capable of stopping them.
Digital surveillance.
State-of-the-art electronic security.
The museum's a tough nut to clack but I know where the soft spots are.
With my birds and your know-how the two of us will be sitting in the old catbird seat.
Sounds cozy, Penguie baby.
But cats and birds are natural enemies, you know.
Well, with enemies like you, Cat-Chickie, who needs friends ? - A little privacy, please.
- Yes.
Why don't you go fetch rne a saucer of moo juice.
Manners.
Fine, good riddance.
And don't come back! Alone at last.
Oh, Ozzie, you've stolen my heart.
Too bad I'm gonna break yours once I steal both those jewels.
Hey.
Surveillance down.
What about that state-of-the-art security? Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head, Penguie.
The Catwoman knows a trick or two.
Oh, phenomenal.
You know, according to Egyptian legend the cat goddess enabled old Ra here to harness the power of the sun.
- How nice for them.
And where is my kitty, cutie-cakes? Such a shame to bleak up the set.
Oh, The Batman.
You never call.
You never write.
Three's a crowd, Bat-Jerk.
You two want souvenirs of your visit, try the gift shop.
Quite a pail.
Now, about that, sweetie, I prefer to work alone.
I was referring to these.
You? Double-crossing me? So sorry for stringing you along, sugarplum.
But you're not my type.
They are.
I trusted you.
I brought this pretty bracelet especially for you but since you two pointy-ears make such a cute couple his and hers.
I'll just hang onto the key and the jewels.
Now what? Relax.
- Oven timer? -It's rigged to explode.
It's been a blast, Batman.
It's tamper-proof .
Oh, well, you're stuck with me.
We need the key.
Yet another reason for a penguin hunt.
- This way.
- This way.
Fine, you lead.
I'll drive.
Catwoman ? I don't believe it.
This baby really pulls.
Looks like you have Penguin to blame for putting me in the driver's seat.
What's this do? Curiosity killed the cat.
Kitty's curious about more than just your wheels.
What's under your hood, handsome? Ladies first.
Trust your instincts, Yin.
So, Bat-Beau, when we find the waddling worm-eater I'd like to have at least two minutes alone with him.
You'll both have plenty of alone time when you're together in the Gotham State Penitentiary.
- Batman.
- Well, what do you know? It works.
Hi.
I thought I'd put our new partnership to the test.
Oh, gives his number to all the gills.
What's up, detective? I'm stumped.
I can't ID Catwoman's mysterious partner.
Thought you might have an idea.
I'm tracking a few leads.
- Excuse me? - Static on the Batwave.
I'll have to get back to you, detective.
So he's a little strange, Yin.
He dresses like a bat.
All points bulletin.
The Batman and Catwoman were seen fleeing together from the museum crime scene.
The Batman's the second perp? To think, this could've all been mine.
Penguin's been doing some research.
According to these artifacts, when the two jewels are properly configured they're capable of harnessing the power of the sun.
- You read ancient Egyptian? - The pictures help.
So you think Penguie's looking to reduce his utility bill? Whoever said cats and birds are natural enemies? Detective, Squad Room.
Something big's going down.
That's right.
I demand $1 billion by dawn or Gotham suffers the wrath of the sun.
Sun? In the middle of the night? This Penguin guy's nuts.
Oh, allow me to demonstrate.
Lights, camera destruction! Oh, you gotta love those ancient Egyptian engineers.
Wire the money to my Swiss bank account by sunrise or my next target will be full of civilians.
My, who's the popular one? - Batman.
- Cat's out of the bag, partner.
- I know you're with Catwoman.
- Hiss.
Trust me, detective.
It's complicated.
I have to trust you.
You're needed.
Penguin's holding Gotham hostage with some-- Ancient Egyptian light machine.
I know.
And I know where to find him.
The only bird's-eye view of Gotham with a powerful enough light source.
If Penguin sees us coming, he might get trigger-happy.
- Well, there's only one stairwell.
- We don't need stairs.
Aren't sea gulls usually white? They're Penguin's birds.
Here comes Miss Congeniality.
Up you go.
I never did get my saucer of milk.
Nails on a chalkboard.
I could dance all night, partner.
Let's shake a crow from his nest.
Well, well, look what the cat dragged in.
- It's over, Penguin.
- Bye-bye, birdie.
Any closer and Gotham Children's Hospital is rubble.
I possess the power of Ra.
I, Penguin, Pharaoh of Gotham.
- The cat.
-You mean, after all we've been through? Come on.
Throw a dog a bone.
Oh, all right.
Sony, handsome.
Not so fast, kitty cat.
The triple-crosses end here.
We had a deal, fish breath.
Hey.
Made for each other.
Come on.
Hang on.
Here's our ride.
Bye-bye, bat .
Now take us to your spare key.
What spare key? Batman? The coast is clear, detective.
But I highly recommend keeping the relics separated.
I know this may sound shady, but it might be best if I held onto one for safekeeping.
Go right ahead, Batman.
I trust you.
Hello? It's a cat.
The jewel's mine.
I beg to differ, my feline felon.
And so do my companions.
Now how could I say no to those beady blue eyes? Well, Mama Cobblepot did always say I was a handsome one.
You know, perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement.
What you have in mind, good-looking? This gem happens to be one of a pair.
The cat is all yours if you help rne steal the true object of my desire.
A partnership.
Millions of dollars' worth of art and valuables skipped over for a jeweled cat.
This heist has all the earmarks of Catwoman.
Except for the other point of entry.
She had help.
A second perp.
I want everyone to recanvass the exterior.
Let's move.
The tome you requested, Master Bruce.
A second perp doesn't fit her profile.
Catwoman works alone.
Well, partnerships do appear to be all the rage these days.
Detective Yin's a good cop, Alfred.
I'm glad she decided to put her trust in The Batman.
Dander of an Eastern European raven.
It's one of Penguin's birds.
But why would Catwoman team with Oswald Cobblepot? Here's why.
The relic stolen last night is one of a pair with Ra, the Egyptian sun god.
The very same relic currently on loan to the Museum of Natural History here in Gotham? A cat and a bird.
Two jewels, two villains.
And one crime-fighter capable of stopping them.
Digital surveillance.
State-of-the-art electronic security.
The museum's a tough nut to clack but I know where the soft spots are.
With my birds and your know-how the two of us will be sitting in the old catbird seat.
Sounds cozy, Penguie baby.
But cats and birds are natural enemies, you know.
Well, with enemies like you, Cat-Chickie, who needs friends ? - A little privacy, please.
- Yes.
Why don't you go fetch rne a saucer of moo juice.
Manners.
Fine, good riddance.
And don't come back! Alone at last.
Oh, Ozzie, you've stolen my heart.
Too bad I'm gonna break yours once I steal both those jewels.
Hey.
Surveillance down.
What about that state-of-the-art security? Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head, Penguie.
The Catwoman knows a trick or two.
Oh, phenomenal.
You know, according to Egyptian legend the cat goddess enabled old Ra here to harness the power of the sun.
- How nice for them.
And where is my kitty, cutie-cakes? Such a shame to bleak up the set.
Oh, The Batman.
You never call.
You never write.
Three's a crowd, Bat-Jerk.
You two want souvenirs of your visit, try the gift shop.
Quite a pail.
Now, about that, sweetie, I prefer to work alone.
I was referring to these.
You? Double-crossing me? So sorry for stringing you along, sugarplum.
But you're not my type.
They are.
I trusted you.
I brought this pretty bracelet especially for you but since you two pointy-ears make such a cute couple his and hers.
I'll just hang onto the key and the jewels.
Now what? Relax.
- Oven timer? -It's rigged to explode.
It's been a blast, Batman.
It's tamper-proof .
Oh, well, you're stuck with me.
We need the key.
Yet another reason for a penguin hunt.
- This way.
- This way.
Fine, you lead.
I'll drive.
Catwoman ? I don't believe it.
This baby really pulls.
Looks like you have Penguin to blame for putting me in the driver's seat.
What's this do? Curiosity killed the cat.
Kitty's curious about more than just your wheels.
What's under your hood, handsome? Ladies first.
Trust your instincts, Yin.
So, Bat-Beau, when we find the waddling worm-eater I'd like to have at least two minutes alone with him.
You'll both have plenty of alone time when you're together in the Gotham State Penitentiary.
- Batman.
- Well, what do you know? It works.
Hi.
I thought I'd put our new partnership to the test.
Oh, gives his number to all the gills.
What's up, detective? I'm stumped.
I can't ID Catwoman's mysterious partner.
Thought you might have an idea.
I'm tracking a few leads.
- Excuse me? - Static on the Batwave.
I'll have to get back to you, detective.
So he's a little strange, Yin.
He dresses like a bat.
All points bulletin.
The Batman and Catwoman were seen fleeing together from the museum crime scene.
The Batman's the second perp? To think, this could've all been mine.
Penguin's been doing some research.
According to these artifacts, when the two jewels are properly configured they're capable of harnessing the power of the sun.
- You read ancient Egyptian? - The pictures help.
So you think Penguie's looking to reduce his utility bill? Whoever said cats and birds are natural enemies? Detective, Squad Room.
Something big's going down.
That's right.
I demand $1 billion by dawn or Gotham suffers the wrath of the sun.
Sun? In the middle of the night? This Penguin guy's nuts.
Oh, allow me to demonstrate.
Lights, camera destruction! Oh, you gotta love those ancient Egyptian engineers.
Wire the money to my Swiss bank account by sunrise or my next target will be full of civilians.
My, who's the popular one? - Batman.
- Cat's out of the bag, partner.
- I know you're with Catwoman.
- Hiss.
Trust me, detective.
It's complicated.
I have to trust you.
You're needed.
Penguin's holding Gotham hostage with some-- Ancient Egyptian light machine.
I know.
And I know where to find him.
The only bird's-eye view of Gotham with a powerful enough light source.
If Penguin sees us coming, he might get trigger-happy.
- Well, there's only one stairwell.
- We don't need stairs.
Aren't sea gulls usually white? They're Penguin's birds.
Here comes Miss Congeniality.
Up you go.
I never did get my saucer of milk.
Nails on a chalkboard.
I could dance all night, partner.
Let's shake a crow from his nest.
Well, well, look what the cat dragged in.
- It's over, Penguin.
- Bye-bye, birdie.
Any closer and Gotham Children's Hospital is rubble.
I possess the power of Ra.
I, Penguin, Pharaoh of Gotham.
- The cat.
-You mean, after all we've been through? Come on.
Throw a dog a bone.
Oh, all right.
Sony, handsome.
Not so fast, kitty cat.
The triple-crosses end here.
We had a deal, fish breath.
Hey.
Made for each other.
Come on.
Hang on.
Here's our ride.
Bye-bye, bat .
Now take us to your spare key.
What spare key? Batman? The coast is clear, detective.
But I highly recommend keeping the relics separated.
I know this may sound shady, but it might be best if I held onto one for safekeeping.
Go right ahead, Batman.
I trust you.