The Bear (2022) s01e01 Episode Script



- Shh
- (QUIETLY) It's okay
I know.
- (ROAR)

- Yo.
- Yo. Twenty-five pounds?
Twenty-five? No, no, I ordered 200.
Paid for 25.
Take it up with Lu.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
no. No, Luanne, that's
that's that's really nice of you.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah. No, no, w-we're really grateful
to still be open after everything.
- Yeah, so, listen, I, um
I'm still trying to
figure this place out,
you know, see how Michael
was doing everything,
and I wanna get you your money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I miss him.
Uh, I miss him, too. Yeah.
- Okay.
No, it's good. Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Thanks anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right. Bye.
- Fuck!
- VIDEO GAME: Ball Breaker!
- broken!
- Shut up!
- TINA: No, no, no. Puta!
Don't unplug it.
I know what that means, Tina.
You unplug it, it won't work again.
- GAME: Bonus!
- When was the last time you emptied these?
I don't know.

Let's dance, fuck you ♪
Hey, Chi-Chi, it's Carmy.
Still got that meat connect?
VOICES: Oh! I'll have what she's having!
You cut vegetables like a bitch.
Don't wipe your hands
on your apron, Chef.
- Jeff?
- Chef.

We got issues. This arcuate's painted.
Yeah, no shit it is.
They conserved copper
during World War II.
- That's why there's no rivets?
- That's why no rivets.
- How the fuck do you not know that?
- Because I fuckin' don't.
This is original Big E
red-line selvage, all right?
From 1944. You can get 1,250
for that on eBay tonight.
- CHI-CHI: And I'd still be five and a half short.
- Add this.
- What am I, a Coinstar?
- That's like three hundo, Chi-Chi!
- Three hundo plus what?
Plus a 1955 blanket-lined Type 3.
- CHI-CHI: Pleated?
- Pleated.

VIDEO GAME: Ball Breaker!

CARMY: Hey, Sugar. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Look, I-I need your help.
No, no, no, no. It's not like that.
Yeah, I need that, uh,
jacket that Mike gave me.
Yeah. Look, can you, uh,
can you bring it here?
Thank you. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
All right. All right. Bye.
Hi. Hello.
- CARMY: Hi.
- I-I'm Sydney.
I called about the sous
position, I'm staging today.
- Right. Shit. Sorry. Yes. Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Carmy. Um, here, gimme your Thank you.
- Hey. Uh, yes.
CARMY: Uh, Alinea, Smoque, Avec.
That's some serious heat. What's, uh
- What's UPS? That's in Chicago?
- Uh,
United Parcel Service
- CARMY: Shit. That's the UPS.
- The one The mail Yeah
- Yeah. Um, what'd you what'd you do for them?
- Drove.
Paid my way through
culinary school, so
- CIA?
- Uh, CIA, yeah.
Okay, so what are you doing here?
You know, this, um,
this was my dad's favorite
spot when I was a kid.
Come here every Sunday.
Special place.
Good. Um
Okay, so you know the drill. We, uh
you're gonna make family.
It's meat plus three,
and w-we eat around 2:00.
Yeah, heard. Dope. Cool.
CARMY: What's up?
- Can I just, like, ask you a question maybe?
- Of course. Yeah.
I know who you are.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, I I mean
you were the most excellent CDC
at the most excellent restaurant
in the entire United States of America.
So, what are you doing here? I guess.
Making sandwiches.
Yeah ♪
- Tina Ebraheim?
- Carmen! Where is beef?
It's in the oven. Tina, can you start
- a new giardiniera for me please, Chef?
- I need my fennel first, Jeff.
- EBRAHEIM: Carmen. I need my beef!
- CARMY: Ebraheim
Then I do onion, then I do
potatoes. We have system.
Aight, but you can
punch 'em, blanch 'em,
freeze 'em, fry 'em
before the beef, right?
- Don't mess up our place!
- I'm not missing anything up.
Chef, no! Please,
please, do not touch that.
This is the one time you listen to me.
Please do not touch that.
That's been going for 12 hours, okay?
That's my pot, Jeff.
- Everybody know.
- That's her pot.
Use another pot, please,
Chef. All right? Corner!
'Cause it just don't end ♪
Hey, Marcus, I need a
double order of bread today,
- okay, Chef?
- Come on, Carmy, I been telling you
for the past two weeks
the mixer's fucked,
and I gotta do all this by hand.
Plus, Tina keeps messing
with the temperature
- and it's fucking up my rise.
- TINA: No inglés.
- Tina, I know you speak English!
- Listen,
Marcus, we're not meeting
dailies, all right?
Vendors are cutting us
off. I don't have the money
to fix it right this second,
but I will get you a new mixer. Okay?
- I promise you. Yeah?
- EBRAHEIM: Carmen! Buzzer!
All right, that's the
beef. Come on, gimme a hand.
I said I don't give a damn ♪
Corner! Smaller fry
scoops today, Chef. Behind!
- Not system!
- CARMY: What is this system?
- Michael's system.
- Carmen, there is a girl.
Yeah, that's Sydney.
She's helping us out today.
Michael's system makes no
sense I'm saying something!
Marcus, I say something.
You are my favorite bitch.
Oh, your English is
gettin' tight, Zeebs.
You kidnap a ship captain?
Your mom teach me during sex.
Oh, that's not cool.
I'm fucking with you.
- That's how you do it!
- Yo yo yo.
- CARMY: Hey yo, Gary!
You set up a compost for me today, Chef?
After I do my thing in the place.
That's very clear. Thank you.
Behind. Behind.
- Hey, Chef, is there, like, a family shelf or something?
- Behind!
- Shelf?
- Sorry, um (SPEAKS SPANISH)
Fuck off.
- Gracias.
- Bottom right side of walk-in.
- (SIGHS) Thanks, Chef.

- Like that all rough ♪
- Yo, this shit looks different.
- Corner Yo, you.
- MARCUS: Yo, family!
Fucking with my program, cousin?
Program started four hours ago.
RICHIE: I had the kid
all morning. Excuse me.
Listen, what is going
on with Ballbreaker?
My Insta's completely blowing up.
MARCUS: You got like 30 followers, dog.
Yeah, I got What is that, a diss?
- I got 36 followers
We need the business! Nerds
come in from Rockford to play.
Yeah, like in 1987. You
know, when you were still in
that deadbeat's balls. How are you?
TINA: Good. How was the recital?
Oh my God, she murdered it, Tina!
I gotta H-hold on.
- Listen, you gotta run this stuff by me first.
- I don't have to do shit.
Hold on. Listen, let's just
have a conversation for a second!
- Whoa. Fuck is this?
- This is Sydney. I'm staging today.
- You're what-ing today?
- CARMY: That's Sydney.
She's helping us out today.
- Cousin, you ordering a different mayonnaise, bro?
- bananas?
- No, all you, Chef.
- Yeah, "All you, Chef." This biff,
- he was usin' them to make a giant nut muffin!
- CARMY: It was a play on
a Panettone. It woulda been beautiful
- if you'd let me finish it. Fuck! Cousin!
- Fuck you!
Richie Jerimovich. Pleasure
to meet you, sweetheart.
- Don't say sweetheart, you fucking weirdo.
- Oh sorry,
Carm, you're so woke.
I meant nothing by it,
Sydney. Saying sweetheart
is just part of our Italian heritage.
- That's beautiful. Thank you.
- TINA: Corner!
- Okay
- Listen, I'm trying to talk to you, okay?
Don't be rude and start
doing a million things
- I don't have time for this right now.
- I don't remember having time
- to take care of your mom for six months.
- Don't you fucking
No, don't you fucking! I
got all kinds of receipts
from my divorce lawyer backing
up 'cause all the time I spent
trying to put your family back together
'cause you're too much of
a cocksucker to come home!
The guys are texting me.
You're telling them to do all
sorts of weird shit backwards.
Don't fucking do that, Carmen!
(MUFFLED) Don't go messing
with their heads and ordering
different mayonnaise and
hiring new fucking broads
without talking to me first!
This is your brother's
house, okay? Yeah? Remember?
I was running it fine without you.
Why didn't he leave it to you then?
- Low on olive oil, Carmen.
- Heard.

Huh huh huh ♪
Where's my knife?!
Chefs, we gotta sharpen our knives
- when we got a sec!
- RICHIE: You gotta sharpen
your brain when we get a second.
- You been here for two weeks,
we been having money
problems for two weeks.
One plus one equals you're
an asshole, Bobby Flay.
Don't call me Bobby Flay! Sydney, stir
- that pot for me, please, Chef.
- Yes, Chef.
- You want a cartouche?
- What's a cartouche?
- What's our best day here?
- Five.
Okay, Ebraheim, get me a
pot for the giardiniera!
So if we do six, that'll get
us through the week, right?
- So, Ballbreaker.
- RICHIE: Just make it easy
- and make the fucking spaghetti!
- Don't say spaghetti!
- All these knives are dull!
- Spaghetti's the biggest seller, Carm.
- That shit was straight-up fire.
- Straight-up done now, Chef. Behind.
- Yeah, but why?
- Because fucking 11 Madison Park
dickhead over here, he
couldn't figure it out!
- CARMY: Housekeeping, Chefs!
- RICHIE: Again, what the fuck are you saying?
Anyone understand what he's saying?
Housekeeping means you
have to clean your stations
'cause this place is fuckin' gross.
I refer to everybody as Chef
because it's a sign of respect,
and I never said I couldn't
figure out the spaghetti.
I said it doesn't make
any sense on this menu,
so it is done. The end.
- Three hours to open, Chefs!
Who are you yelling at, Carmy?
There's like four of us in here.
Now, let me ask you something.
If the spaghetti didn't make any sense,
how come everybody
fucking loved that shit?
- MARCUS: Everybody did love it.
- Everybody doesn't have any taste.
It was an under-seasoned
over-sauced mess.
- It took seven hours to prep.
- RICHIE: Oh, fuck!
You know what? This shit right here
made you pompous and delusional
and a fucking gayrod!
These guys, they taught
you how to cook with ants,
but none of these fuckwads
taught you how to make a pasta!
Probably should learn
how to make pasta, Carmy.
A, I know how to make pasta, Marcus.
B, I hate to break your
hearts, motherfuckers,
but that gluey, mushy bullshit
is not bailing us out this time.
Ballbreaker is. Fak's raising plays
to a dollar, so shut the fuck up!
- Who the fuck is Fak?
- Tina! Did you take my knife, Chef?
Did you take my pot, Jeff?
- Fuck!
- RICHIE: Neil Fak!
This fucking fairy's butt-buddy. He's
- Why is the beef so hot?
- MARCUS: 'Cause we just took it out.
- Two hours late?
- Two hours longer!
Wrigley didn't deliver
enough meat this week.
- Why didn't Wrigley deliver?
- Because we're out of money!
The only beef I could get
was bone-in, which you
have to braise, all right?
It takes two hours
longer. The good news is
- we can stretch it by cutting the bread shorter
- Call Wrigley.
- and using less gravy.
- Call Wrigley! Which is not how we have ever done
a beef here in 25 years, Carm!
- (SINGING) System, baby.
- System!
- You can barely afford to pay people, but sick system.
- Don't fucking
talk to me about labor, Noma!
I thought this was your house!

Fuck all this.
Announcement! Listen up!
Bread stays the same!
Gravy stays the same!
Let it go, baby ♪
Now ♪
I'm gonna kick back down and see ♪
VIDEO GAME: Ballbreaker!
A buck's not gonna
get 'em anywhere, Bear.
- It's just too difficult.
- Yeah, Fak, that's the point.
- It's already ultra confusing.
- Yeah, homie,
it-it's a Norwegian
knockoff of Mortal Kombat.
Part of the reason why
this machine got recalled
in the first place,
aside from the excessive
and irresponsible violence,
is it's just too difficult!
It's a fighter and a fucking scroller.
- Also, sorry.
I didn't make it to the funeral.
I sent flowers,
- and I really hope they looked nice.
- I don't know. I wasn't there.
- How long's this gonna take?
- It's gonna take an hour.
Aight, it's gotta be faster. Yo, Sweeps,
can open up the windows
in the back, please?
- SWEEPS: Later.
- Carmy, you're bleeding!
- Shit! Man, stupid dull-ass knife!
- EBRAHEIM: Corner!
- You're making me queasy.
- Fucking damn it, Ebraheim!
- Carmen, your fault! Say corner!
- Blood! You see?
Good! Good! Y'all happy now?
Can I have my fucking knife back?!

- RICHIE: Ebraheim, I swear to God,
she looks fucking beautiful.
You would've lost your mind.
- That's fire, Chef.
- RICHIE: And all of a sudden,
- the guy's back in my face!
- CARMY: Hey!
- Guys, look, we gotta line up!
We got service in an hour, all right?
RICHIE: I'm like, listen, if
you're gonna get in my face,
- we're gonna have a problem.
- CARMY: Hey! Cousin!
- Yeah, one second.
- Seriously, I wanna start defining our roles
- a little bit more clearly, all right?
- Hold on a second here.
- We're just Hold on a second.
- Cousin. Seriously, Cousin!
Trying to get some
work done here, capiche?
MARCUS: This the dude
from the hot dog stand?
- RICHIE: This is his twin brother
- Fucking lying.
- which I found out later! I found out later.
- MARCUS: You lying!
But at this point, I think it's
the guy from the hot dog stand,
and I'm like, listen, go home already!
- Get the fuck outta here!
Oh my God! I'm like
So, I'm like, okay,
now there's a problem.
I'm trying to enjoy my tacos,
you're ruining my date, right?
So, this guy, he pulls out a revolver.
- MARCUS: Come on.
- Swear to God! And I'm like, oh my God,
wh-where did you get that?
What, did you steal that
- from the museum gift shop?
You know, like, who are you? Mr. Bogart?
- Please, what are we doing here (FADES OUT)
Hey, Tina, I gotta go see my sister.
- You hold down the fort?
- Yeah, sure. Listen, Jeff.
How come your sister
don't come by here no more?
Oh, you gotta ask her.
I dreamed about killing you ♪
- Hi.
- Yo. You didn't put it in a bag or anything?
That's how you say hello to me?
- Hi.
- Hi there!
Dying on the banks ♪
Of Embarcadero skies ♪
I sat and watched you bleed ♪
You smell like this place.
Sorry. I just hate seeing you here.
Yeah, well
Your cold, hot blood
ran away from me ♪
These labels.
- Marcus!
- What?
Where are the chili flakes?
It's the most Polish shit ever.
- Cousin organizes it, it's more confusing
- Right there.
Labeled "chili flakes."
What does Sweeps stand for?
SWEEPS: I swept St. Louis
three times and had a no-hitter.
My real last name is Woods.

I printed my name
on the back of a leaf ♪
And I watched it float away ♪
You talk to Mom?
- No. Uh
- I know she'd love to see you.
No, I know, I know. I just
The wind blew me back ♪
I've been trying to call you.
You haven't called me back.
Yeah, no, I know. I
just I've been busy.
I've been working, so
- Uncle Jimmy wants to buy this place.
- It's not for sale.
- I know. That's what I wanted to tell you.
- That it's not for sale?
No, that I think we
should sell it to him.
So he can flip it into an Applebee's?
No, no, I-I'm trying to to
do something here, Sugar.
Okay, I was so excited
for you to come home.
Via Chicago ♪
Gotta go. Um
Okay. (SCOFFS)
I'm okay.
- Okay?
- (MOUTHING) Okay.
I'm gonna fix this place.
Searching for home ♪
No one's asking you to.
Searching for home via Chicago ♪
Um, I really I gotta go, okay?
- Bear.
- Yeah?
I love you.
Thank you for this.
(MOUTHING) You're welcome.
SWEEPS: Welcome back.
Time to try the new sandwiches. Behind!
Marcus, rolls, please, Chef!
- Fuck. Again!
- That's crumbly! It's too dense!
- MARCUS: Doing it by hand!
- Yo.
- It's the mixer.
It's not the mixer,
all right? It's crumbly.
The oven's too dry.
You need to fill a
baking sheet with water,
put it on the oven floor,
throw in another batch, okay?
- Don't tell me how to do my job.
- Just do it!
CARMY: Yo! Somebody
come try this! Cousin!
RICHIE: Yeah, right!
- There you go, Chef.
What's goin' on? What do you think?
- It's redundant and white, just like you.
- CARMY: Heard, heard, heard.
- Tina. Salt? Beef? It's tender?
- Very good, puta!
- It's nice? We happy? Happy?
- All right, all right.
Yo, Sydney!
Try this business.
- Oh, fuck.
- Mm-hmm. You know that's fire.
- Yeah, fuckin' fire.
- Mm-hmm.
So, how you gonna pass the family test?
Delicious or impressive?
Delicious is impressive.
Word. Word

That dude looks like a carrot.
- FAK: Is that a fucking carrot?
- MARCUS: I mean, it's clearly a carrot.
Do you not know what
a carrot looks like?
We're gonna need more bread.
See, it's all good till
it starts making this weird
- "guggugguggug" sound.
- Oh my God,
that's a classic sound with
these fucking pieces of shit.
Hey, did you know Michael?
Dude, he was like one
of my best friends,
but then fuckin' it
got dark at the end
Corner! How we looking on that bread?
- Coming out soon.
- Fak, watch your back.
- Hey, Chi-Chi, yeah, come get your jacket.
- Corner!
Yo! Yo! Fak, how we looking?
Dude, I'm gonna be
able to fix this, dude.
- Do you have any, like, stale bread? Thank you.
- Right there.
- RICHIE: Corner!
- Chef! Corner! Behind
- Fak, watch it.
- CARMY: Hey, I'll pay you in sandwich, yeah?
- Deal!
- No shit deal!
- Oh, fuck off, man.
- Hey, was Richie always an asshole?
Dude, always and forever.
Dude, he's the fucking worst.
- Mm, yeah. He sucks.
- Dude, he's not a nice guy.
- He's just He's sad inside.
- Yeah.

- Yo, family's up!
- Yeah! Woo! Let's do this!
FAK: Oh my gosh. I
smell That looks so good!
- SWEEPS: Damn, Sydney!
- FAK: Let's go!
- What do we got going on over here?
- SYDNEY: Yeah, we got a stew,
rice, plantains, and
a little fennel salad.
All right, I'm interested.
Ebra, yo, let's do this.
EBRAHEIM: I bring my
own. This looks like shit.
- RICHIE: Oh, come on.
Don't pay any attention.
- FAK: That's not nice. That's not nice.
- EBRAHEIM: I don't eat pork.
- SYDNEY: It's not pork. It's beef.
- MARCUS: He never eats.
- EBRAHEIM: It look like pork.
- RICHIE: All right, all right, I'll start. I'll start.
I'm grateful for Philip
K. Dick. Fak, you're up.
FAK: Me?! Uh, I-I'm tha uh
thankful for my-my cats Ralph.
TINA: They both named Ralph?
FAK: Yeah. It's just,
like, it's easier that way.
- Ralph and Ralph.
- RICHIE: All right, Tina, you're up. What's up?
I'm grateful for all
y'all motherfuckers.
- Look at you, fucking softy!
I guess I'm grateful that
Richie didn't come in here
wearing that cologne today
that he always be wearing.
You know, it smell like
- a pine tree and shit.
EBRAHEIM: Smell like onion under arm.
Onion under arm!
- SYDNEY: Chef, you want a plate?
- All good. Thank you, Chef.
TINA: You can have mine
if you change your mind.
- What?
I just never had plátanos
with, like, grass on it.
- Yo, shit. Cousin, Cousin.
Cousin, yo, it's
getting crazy out there.
- Come give me a hand.
- RICHIE: Nah, bro.
This is on you.
Yo, Tina, how about these
plátanos though, right?
- Yo, really?
- Yeah, really.
- This isn't my house, remember?
- TINA: I didn't say I didn't like 'em.
- She was just She was just saying she was
- You didn't eat them.
- CROWD: Blockers! Blockers! Blockers!
- CARMY: Yo! Eh!
- Everybody relax! Things are fucking all right!
Eh, stop banging on the fucking
glass! My guy, stop banging
- Get off me, cocksucker!
- Fuck you, man!
Breaker ♪
Merry Christmas, Lizards.
Sounds like we got a
real problem out here.
Any of you Incel-QAnon-4Chan
Snyder-Cut motherfuckers
wanna out of line now?
- Anybody?
Didn't think so.
- You all right?
- Thank you.
So we're gonna have a
little tournament here today.
We are gonna be on our best behavior.
We're not gonna scare
any of the regulars.
We're not gonna touch 'em.
We're not gonna look at 'em all weird.
We're not gonna do any
of that spectral shit!
Yes? Good. You're gonna purchase
one Italian Beef combo to enter. Now,
this is a single elimination tourney,
so you lose, you get the fuck out.
- No two ways about it. You win
- free Italian Ice for a year.
- Also
I hate litter.
So, you cucks are gonna
clean up after yourselves,
and you're gonna goddamn recycle.
Fuck you.
Cousin, how fucking dope is that?!
- Not dope at all.
What are you talking about?
I brought that crowd in!
- That's a lot of money out there!
- That we're not prepped for!
I shoulda let those turkeys
eat you, Carmy, I swear to God.
Today was not the day to
go fucking with the system.
- System, system! Cousin
- Hey, I don't care.
I do not care what you do up in Napa
with your fucking tweezers
and your foie gras.
You got no fuckin' idea
what you're doing here!
None! Zero!
So we are gonna stick with what works,
and we are gonna fuckin' make sure
we got enough food to
feed these fuckin' dorks.
So get your ass back in there,
and you make that fuckin' spaghetti.
Sorry about the gun,
babe. I had to get real.
Yo, Carm. Check it.
That's good. You see that difference?
- Big time. Steam tray. You were right.
- Yep.
You can throw down, huh?
Hey, grab me a fresh parm brick?
Heard, Chef.
One, two, three,
four, five against one ♪
Five, five, five against one ♪
Said one, two, three,
four, five against one ♪
Five, five, five,
five, five against one ♪
Torture from you to ♪
Me, yeah ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
Abducted from the street ♪
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