The Beverly Hillbillies (1962) s01e11 Episode Script
Elly Races Jethrine
COME AND LISTEN TO MY STORY âBOUT A MAN NAMED JED, A POOR MOUNTAINEER BARELY KEPT HIS FAMILY FED.
AND THEN ONE DAY HE WAS SHOOTIN AT SOME FOOD, AND UP THROUGH THE GROUND COME A BUBBLING CRUDE.
OIL THAT IS, BLACK GOLD, TEXAS TEA.
WELL THE FIRST THING YOU KNOW OL' JED'S A MILLIONAIRE, THE KIN FOLKS SAID, "JED, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE".
SAID, "CALIFORNY IS THE PLACE YOU OUGHT TO BE", SO THEY LOADED UP THE TRUCK AND THEY MOVED TO BEVERLY, HILLS THAT IS, SWIMMING POOLS, MOVIE STARS.
THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.
NOW COME ALONG AND VISIT WITH THE CLAMPETT FAMILY AS THEY LEARN THE SIMPLE PLEASURES OF THE HILLS OF BEVERLY, AND THAT INCLUDES THE PRODUCTS OF YOUR SPONSOR OF THE WEEK, THE CEREALS OF KELLOGG'S, KELLOGG'S OF BATTLE CREEK.
K-E DOUBLE L, O DOUBLE GOOD, KELLOGG'S BEST TO You.
OH, HI THERE, GRANNY.
WHATCHA LOOKIN' AT? OH I'M LOOKING AT THESE PICTURES THAT MR.
DRYSDALE TOOK OF SONNY AND ELLY.
OH YEAH, THEY'S RIGHT GOOD, AIN'T THEY.
DANDY.
JED, I RECKON WE'LL BE HAVING A WEDDING AROUND HERE PRETTY SOON.
HOW'D YOU KNOW? SONNY'S GIVING ELLY A RING THIS MORNIN'.
I, I COULDN'T GET TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND I HEAR'D THEM TALKIN' DOWN BY THE DOOR.
ALL THE WAY FROM YOUR BEDROOM? WELL, MY WINDER WAS OPEN.
THAT'S STILL A POWERFUL LONG WAYS TO HEAR.
NOT IF YOU CLIMB OUT INTO A TREE AND SHIMMY DOWN A WAYS.
YOU HEARD SONNY ASKING ELLY TO GET ENGAGED? PLAIN AS DAY.
SONNY SAID, "ELLY, YOU GONNA BE HOME IN THE MORNING?" AND ELLY SAID, "YES.
" SONNY SAID, "I'LL GIVE YOU A RING AT TEN O'CLOCK.
" WELL, DOGGIES.
WELL IT'S PRETTY NEAR STRAIGHT UP FOR TEN RIGHT NOW.
(PHONE RINGING) HELLO.
OH, GOOD MORNINâ, SON, I MEAN SONNY.
YEAH, ELLY'S HERE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER? OH, YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER ON THE TELEPHONE? WELL, JUST A MINUTE.
CAN'T GIVE A GIRL NO RING ON THE TELEPHONE.
TELEPHONE, ELLY.
OKAY, PA.
I'LL GET IT UP HERE.
GRANNY.
YOU HADN'T OUGHTA BE LISTENING.
WELL IT'S ALOT EASIER THAN SHIMMYING DOWN A TREE IN THE DARK.
I TORE MY NIGHTGOWN.
I SENT A BUNCH OF THESE BACK HOME TO COUSIN PEARL.
WHAT FOR? WELL, YOU KNOW HOW SHE WAS ALWAYS BRAGGIN' ABOUT HER DAUGHTER JETHRENE GOIN' TO BEAT ELLY MAY TO THE ALTAR? YEAH.
I SURE WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE LOOK ON PEARL'S FACE WHEN SHE SEES THIS.
JETHRENE, LOOK AT THIS! AND I ALWAYS BRAGGED THAT YOU COULD BEAT ELLY MAY TO THE ALTAR.
I CAN, MA.
I CAN OUTRUN ELLY MAY, MY LEGS IS LONGER.
OH LOOK, WE GOTTA GET BUSY.
NOW WHAT TIME'S THAT JASPER FELLA COMIN' TO COURT YOU? SIX O'CLOCK.
HE'S TAKING ME OUT IN HIS CAR.
OH, NO HE AIN'T.
HE'S COURTIN' YOU RIGHT HERE IN MY PARLOR WHERE I CAN SEE TO IT THAT HE GETS TO THE POINT.
WELL THAT'S WHERE HE'S TAKING ME MA, PERKIN'S POINT.
THEY'S A BARN DANCE THERE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE POINT OF PROPOSING TO YA.
DON'T YOU WANT TO GET YOURSELF A HUSBAND? YES'M.
JETHRENE, WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE BEEN BORN WITH SOME OF MY BRAINS INSTEAD OF JUST MY BEAUTY.
âCOURSE, I GOTTA ADMIT THAT, YOU AIN'T QUITE AS PURDY AS ELLY MAY.
I AIN'T EVEN AS PURDY AS HER FELLA.
YOU ARE SO! (KNOCK ON DOOR) HI, SONNY.
HI, STEP-DAD.
WELL, HOW ARE YOU AND ELLY MAY CLAMPETT GETTING ALONG? MARVELOUSLY.
SHE'S MAD ABOUT ME.
OH? HOW DO YOU FEEL? THE SAME.
REALLY? I'M MAD ABOUT ME, TOO.
NO, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HER? OH, SHE'S FUN, STEP-DAD.
I LIKE HER LOTS.
I'M GOING OVER THERE NOW AND TAKE HER FOR A DRIVE.
GOOD, GOOD.
HER FATHER HAS $25 MILLION DOLLARS IN MY BANK YOU KNOW.
YES, I KNOW.
SHE'S A QUITE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, DON'T YOU THINK? OH, RAVISHING.
YOU KNOW, I UNDERSTAND THESE HUNTING GIRLS MAKE PERFECTLY WONDERFUL WIVES STRONG, HEALTHY, NOT AFRAID OF A LITTLE WORK.
SO I UNDERSTAND.
YOU KNOW, SONNY, I HAVE A POSITION OPENING DOWN AT MY BANK.
OH, IT'S NOT MUCH TO START WITH, BUT ADVANCEMENT COULD BE RAPID WITH MY HELP.
CERTAINLY IT WOULD BE ENOUGH TO RENT A NICE APARTMENT, SETTLE DOWN, TAKE UP HOUSEKEEPING.
WHY DON'T YOU THINK IT OVER AND DISCUSS IT WITH ELLY MAY.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT WITH ALL THE MONEY HER FATHER HAS, I DOUBT SERIOUSLY IF SHE'D WANT TO WORK AT YOUR BANK.
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW US, ELLY MAY? YEAH, HOLD OUT YOUR HAND, LET US TAKE A LOOK.
THEY'S CLEAN, PA, I WASHED THEM WITH SOAP.
NO RING? NO, GRANNY, I WASHED THEM ALL THE WAY UP TO HERE.
SONNY DRYSDALE DIDN'T GIVE YOU NO ENGAGEMENT RING? SHUCKS NO, PA.
WHY WOULD HE WANT TO DO THAT? HE'S GONNA TAKE ME DRIVING.
THAT'S BAD.
OUT DRIVING IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AIN'T NO WAY TO GET ENGAGED.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I PROPOSED TO YOUR DAUGHTER OUT DRIVING.
IN A HORSE AND BUGGY THAT'S A HEAP DIFFERENT.
BESIDES THAT OL' MARE OF YOURS KNEW RIGHT WHERE SHE WAS GOING.
THAT WAY YOU COULD TURN YOUR ATTENTION ON ROSE ELLEN.
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
BUT OUT DRIVING IN AN AUTOMOBILE IN CITY TRAFFIC WITH ALL THEM CARS TRYING TO HIT YA, BY THE TIME YOU TURN YOUR HEAD TO SAY, "WILL YA," SOMEBODY HAS.
THERE'S NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT, THAT CHILD IS GOING TO NEED HELP TO TRAP THAT SONNY DRYSDALE.
ELLY MAY DON'T NEED TO TRAP NO MAN TO GET HIM.
EVERY MAN THAT EVER GOT GIT, WAS GIT THAT WAY.
NOT ME.
WE JUST HAPPENED TO STOP UNDER A SHADY ELM TREE AND I PROPOSED TO YOUR DAUGHTER ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT.
THAT SPUR OF THE MOMENT OF YOURS TOOK US SIX MONTHS SCHEMING AND PLANNING.
WHY WE EVEN TRAINED THAT OL' MARE OF YOURS TO STOP UNDER THAT SHADY OLD ELM TREE.
WELL, ANY TRAPPING WILL HAVE TO BE UP TO YOU, GRANNY.
I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO EXCEPTIN' I HELD A SHOTGUN ON SONNY.
WELL, I'LL STUDY ON IT.
THEM CITY FELLERS MIGHT BE DIFFERENT.
(DOORBELL RINGING) (DOORBELL RINGING) JED, DO YOU RECKON WE'LL EVER FIND OUT WHERE THAT MUSIC COMES FROM? I RECKON, IF WE KEEP A LOOKIN'.
(DOORBELL RINGING) YOU'RE WASTIN' YOUR TIME LOOKIN' FOR THAT THERE MUSIC.
I'VE LOOKED FOR IT A DOZEN TIMES, AND BEFORE YOU CAN FIND IT SOMEBODY'LL COME RAPPIN' AT THE DOOR.
(DOOR KNOCKING) SEE? TOLD YA.
OH, HI SONNY.
GREETINGS ALL.
ELLY MAY READY? SHE SURE IS.
SHE'S BEEN READY SINCE SHE'S BEEN FOURTEEN.
I BEG YOUR PARDON? OH, ELLY MAY, SONNY'S HERE.
WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW IS, ARE YOU READY? GRANNY.
WELL, I SURE HOPE YOU YOUNG FOLKS HAVE A DANDY DRIVE.
OH, WE SHALL.
I PLAN TO TAKE ELLY ON A SOCIALLY SIGNIFICANT DRIVE THROUGH BRENTWOOD AND BELLAIRE TO SHOW HER SOME OF OUR DEPRESSED AREAS.
HOWDY, SONNY.
ELLY MAY! YOU LOOK POSITIVELY DIVINE.
SO DO YOU, SONNY.
I KNOW.
DON'T YOU BITE ME.
ELLY MAY, A KISS ON THE HAND IS A VERY PROPER GREETING.
OH.
COME ON, EVERYBODY, KISS SONNY'S HAND.
PLEASE, NEVER MIND, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
WELL, HAVE A NICE DRIVE, Y'ALL.
YEP, AND IF YOU PASS UNDER A SHADY ELM TREE, IT WON'T HURT NONE TO STOP FOR A SPELL.
THERE THEY GO.
QUICK, JETHRO, START UP THE TRUCK WHILE I GET MY RETICULE.
WHERE YOU GOING? TO FOLLOW 'EM.
NO HOLD ON, YOU TWO, YOU CAN'T FOLLOW SONNY, HE'LL SEE YA.
THEY WON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE, WE'LL BE WEARING DARK GLASSES.
HE'LL THINK WE'RE A COUPLE OF BEVERLY HILLS MOVIE STARS OUT FOR A DRIVE.
COME ON OFF THAT TRUCK.
COME ON.
JETHRENE, DID YOU POUR THE FUDGE OUT TO COOL? YEAH, MA, BUT I'M AFRAID IT AIN'T GONNA GET HARD.
WELL, IF IT DON'T YOU AND JASPER CAN EAT IT WITH SPOONS AND I'LL TELL HIM I MADE IT.
YOU DONE DRESSING? YEAH, MA.
WELL, COME ON IN HERE AND LET ME SEE HOW YOU LOOK.
TURN AROUND, LET ME SEE YOUR SASH, LET ME GET THE BOW STRAIGHT.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO BRING OUT THEM PILLOW CASES YOU BEEN EMBROIDERIN' FOR YOUR HOPE CHEST.
THE ONES WITH "HIS" AND "HERS" WORKING FRENCH KNOTS.
NEVER HURT NONE TO LET A BEAU SEE YOU'RE HANDY WITH A NEEDLE.
BUT I AIN'T.
I ALWAYS STICK MYSELF.
WELL IF YOU DO, DON'T BLEED ON THE PILLOW CASE WHERE HE'LL SEE IT.
NOW, WHEN YOU SHOW HIM THE STEREO OPTICAN PICTURES THESE IS THE ONES I'VE PICKED OUT FOR YOU.
THEY'LL PUT HIM IN THE RIGHT MOOD.
NIAGARA FALLS BY MOONLIGHT, WEDDIN' UNDER THE BOWER, THE STOLEN KISS.
LILLIAN RUSSELL IN TIGHTS.
OH NEVER MIND.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY ON THE PUMP ORGAN FOR HIM TO SHOW OFF YOUR MUSIC TALENTS? HOW ABOUT, RUSSELL O' SPRING.
THAT'S A DANDY! FULL OF RUNS AND TRILLS, AND THEN THERE'S A PART WHERE YOU CROSS YOUR HANDS.
OH, I TELL YOU, JETHRENE, THAT'S ONE PLACE YOU GOT IT OVER YOUR COUSIN ELLY MAY, PLAYIN' THE PUMP ORGAN.
THEM HANDS CAN STRETCH PERT NEAR TWO OCTAVES, AND THEM FEET IS MADE FOR PUMPING.
WELL, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR JASPER TO GET HERE.
HOW DO YOU FEEL DARLIN'? I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
NOW, JED.
ELLY AND SONNY WILL BE HERE ON THE SETTEE, AND WHEN HE GETS ON HIS KNEE AND PROPOSES TO HER AND ELLY SAYS YES, YOU COME A RUNNINâ FROM THAT DOOR AND I'LL COME A RUNNIN' FROM THAT DOOR SO'S WE'LL HAVE HIM BETWIXT US AND HE CAN'T BACK OUT.
GRANNY, I DON'T WANT TO BE LISTENIN' AT NO DOOR, AND I DON'T THINK YOU HAD OUGHTA NEITHER.
JED CLAMPETT.
NO WONDER YOUR DAUGHTER'S CROWDING 18 AND STILL AN OLD MAID.
WHY IF WE DON'T GET BUSY HER COUSIN JETHRENE WILL BEAT HER TO THE ALTAR BY A MILE.
SHE WON'T NEITHER.
ELLY MAY'S A LOT PURDIER THAN JETHRENE.
LOOKS AIN'T EVERYTHING.
BESIDES, JETHRENE HAS PEARL HELPING HER AND PEARL'S PARLOR, AND THAT'S THE STYLIEST AND BEST COURTIN' PARLOR IN THE WHOLE COUNTY.
I DON'T SEE NOTHINâ WRONG WITH THIS PARLOR.
OH, THAT'S âCAUSE YOU'RE A MAN.
THIS AIN'T GOT NO STYLE TOIT.
AIN'T GOT NO LACE CURTAINS, AND AIN'T GOT NO PORTIERES.
AIN'T GOT NO TIDIES OR DOILIES.
AIN'T EVEN GOT A PUMP ORGAN.
GOT A PIE-ANNY.
A PIE-ANNY AIN'T IN IT! WITH A PUMP ORGAN, WHEN IT COMES TO COURTIN' THEY'S GOT A QUIVER TOIT, JUST DRIVES A MAN WILD! AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN THAT STIRS A MAN LIKE SEEIN' A WOMAN PUMPIN' A PUMP ORGAN.
I WISH SONNY AND ELLY MAY'D GET BACK.
WONDER WHAT'S KEEPING THEM? MY BABY SHOES.
AREN'T THEY CUNNING? AWFULLY STIFF.
I DON'T SEE HOW YOU EVER WALKED IN THEM.
MOTHER HAD THEM BRONZED.
DIDN'T HELP MUCH, THEY'RE STILL STIFF.
WHAT'S THIS THING? OH, THAT'S MY TEDDY BEAR.
HIS NAME IS POOH.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KISS HIM? WELL NOT 'SPECIALLY.
I GUESS YOU'D RATHER KISS ME.
I'LL KISS THE BEAR.
I GUESS YOU'RE NOT IN A VERY ROMANTIC MOOD.
A LITTLE MUSIC WILL REMEDY THAT.
DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE? I AIN'T NEVER TRIED.
WELL YOU'RE IN FOR A DIVINE EXPERIENCE.
I'LL TEACH YOU.
NOW WATCH.
HOW DO I LOOK? LIKE SOMETHING'S A HURTIN' YOU.
MAYBE IT'S THEM ROSE THORNS STICKING IN YOUR GUMS.
ENOUGH OF THESE PRELIMINARIES! COME HERE, MY DEAR.
ARE YOU FRIGHTENED? NO, HAD I OUGHTA BE? YES, YOU'RE IN GREAT DANGER.
HOW COME? YOU'RE IN A MAN'S ROOM, ALONE.
NO I AIN'T.
YOU'RE HERE.
YOU ARE NOT PLAYING THE GAME! YOU FEELING SICK TO YOUR STOMACH, DARLING? YEAH, MA.
WELL, I WENT DOWN TO THE CELLAR AND I DRAW'D OFF SOME HOME MADE ELDERBERRY WINE.
AIN'T NOTHING IN THE WORLD BETTER FOR SETTLING A QUEASY STOMACH.
âCOURSE, ACCORDING TO THE RULES YOU SHOULDN'T TOUCH SPIRITS TILL YOUR WEDDIN' DAY, BUT I GUESS IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY A LITTLE SWALLOW WON'T HURT.
I KNOW IT'S A MIGHT BITTER TASTING, BUT TRY AND FORCE A LITTLE DOWN.
IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
JUST A LITTLE MORE, JETHRENE, DO IT FOR YOUR MA.
JASPER WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE NOW.
FEELING BETTER? A LITTLE.
I'VE GOT IT FIGURED HOW WE GET YOU TO PLAY THE PUMP ORGAN FOR HIM.
I KNOW JUST WHAT HE'LL SAY WHEN HE WALKS IN âCAUSE EVERYBODY DOES.
HE'LL SAY, "WHY, I DECLARE! THAT'S A MIGHTY FANCY PUMP ORGAN YOU GOT THERE.
" AND I'LL SAY, "WHY THANK YOU.
I'M MIGHTY PARTIAL TO PUMP ORGAN MUSIC.
" AND THEN YOU SAY, "WHY, I'LL PLAY SOMETHING.
" AND THEN YOU SIT DOWN AND YOU PLAY LIKE YOU NEVER PLAYED BEFORE.
YOU UNDERSTAND? YES'M.
(DOORBELL) THERE HE IS.
YOU AIN'T GONNA THROW UP ARE YA? I'LL TRY NOT.
EVENIN', MISS BODINE.
WHY, JASPER DePUGH, WHAT A SURPRISE.
JETHRENE, HONEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
EVENIN', JETHRENE.
(HICCUP) JETHRENE CAN BE A LITTLE NERVOUS.
I RECKON IT'S THE STRAIN OF ALL THOSE BEAUS THAT COME A COURTIN'.
I SWEAR, I GOTTA SWEEP THEM OUT OF THIS PARLOR EVERY DAY.
HEY, THAT'S A MIGHTY FANCY PUMP ORGAN YOU GOT THERE, MA'AM.
WHY THANK YA.
I'M MIGHTY PARTIAL TO PUMP ORGAN MUSIC.
IN FACT, I'D JUST LOVE TO HEAR SOME PUMP ORGAN MUSIC, RIGHT NOW! I'LL PLAY YOU SOME, MA'AM.
JED, IT'S PLUM PAST DARK AND SONNY AND ELLY AIN'T HOME YET.
WHERE COULD THEY BE? WHAT ARE THEY DOING? ARE THEY ENGAGED? WHY DON'T WE HEAR SOMETHING? OH, THAT POOR, SWEET, INNOCENT ELLY MAY OUT THERE IN THE DARK WITH A MAN.
JED, MAYBE SOMETHING HAPPENED? NOW MAYBE SOMETHING GRANNY, CALM DOWN.
ELLY CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.
I RECKON YOU AIN'T NERVOUS, HUH? SHUCKS NO, JUST SITTIN' HERE WHITTLIN'.
WELL WHAT YOU'RE WHITTLIN' ON USED TO BE THE ARM OF THAT CHAIR.
RECKON I AM A MIGHT NERVOUS AT THAT.
NOW, JED, WHEN THEY DO GET HOME, YOU AND ME HAVE GOT TO SEE SONNY DON'T GET AWAY WITHOUT BEING PROPER ENGAGED.
GRANNY, MAYBE WE'S RUSHING THINGS.
MAYBE SONNY AIN'T READY TO GET MARRIED.
JED.
NO MAN IS READY TO GET MARRIED, YOU GOTTA GET 'EM READY.
LIKE YOU GET A STEER READY FOR SLAUGHTER.
CAN'T YOU FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO COMPARE IT TO? WELL, HERE WE ARE.
I RECKON IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODNIGHT.
I SURE DO THANK YOU FOR THE NICE RIDE, SONNY.
MY PLEASURE, ELLY MAY.
ILL GIVE YOUA RING IN THE MORNING.
PROMISES, PROMISES.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE ANOTHER DRIVE TOMORROW? I SURE WOULD.
WHERE SHALL WE GO? TO THE PREACHER.
ANYPLACE YOU SAY, SONNY.
WELL, SEE YOU TOMORROW THEN.
(SINGING) OH, HERE COMES THE BRIDE.
HERE COMES THE BRIDE.
HOWDY, GRANNY.
WELL, LAND SAKES, LOOK WHO'S HERE! JED! COME SAY HELLO TO SONNY.
DON'T BOTHER MR.
CLAMPETT, I'M LEAVING.
I'LL SHOW YOU A SHORT CUT.
HOWDY, SONNY.
GOOD EVENING, MR.
CLAMPETT.
JED.
NOW IS YOUR TIME TO HAVE THAT TALK WITH SONNY.
WHAT TALK? ABOUT ELLY MAY.
I GOT NOTHING TO TALK TO SONNY ABOUT ELLY.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO TALK TO SONNY.
YOU TALK TO ELLY MAY.
DID YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL ME, PA? WELL, I HADN'T PLANNED ON IT, BUT, MAYBE NOW Is A GOOD TIME.
SIT DOWN.
ELLY? YEAH, PA? WOMEN FOLKS LIKE YOUR GRANNY, AND AUNT PEARL, SEEM TO SET GREAT STORE BY MATCHMAKING.
YOU JUST CAN'T REST EASY TILL EVERYBODY'S PAIRED UP, AND THE SOONER THE BETTER.
NOW YOUR GRANNY WANTS YOU TO MARRY UP WITH SONNY DRYSDALE.
DO YOU WANT ME TO MARRY UP WITH HIM, PA? ELLY MAY, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING IN THE WORLD I WANT FOR YOU AND THAT'S TO BE HAPPY.
DO YOU RECKON I'D BE HAPPY MARRIED UP TO SONNY? ONLY IF YOU LOVE HIM.
WELL HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY? WELL, I CAN'T EXACTLY EXPLAIN HOW YOU KNOW, BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS YOU KNOW.
YOU DON'T NEED NOBODY TO SHOVE YOU.
YOU JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET MARRIED.
NOW, DO YOU FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT SONNY? WELL, I AIN'T SURE.
DO YOU RECKON HE FEELS THAT WAY ABOUT ME? NOW, TELL ME.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GETTING MARRIED AND SETTLING DOWN AND RAISING A FAMILY? I FIND THE NOTION COMPLETELY REPUGNANT.
GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
I'M ONE MAN WHO SIMPLY CANNOT BE MONOGAMOUS.
FINE AND DANDY.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ELLY? I FIND HER BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING, REFRESHINGLY DIFFERENT, BUT SOMEWHAT LACKING IN THE SOCIAL GRACES.
WHAT'S THAT MEAN? WELL, FOR EXAMPLE, SHE CAN'T DANCE.
ELLY MAY CLAMPETT? WHY SHE'S GOT DANCING IN HER SOUL.
I'M HER GRANDMA AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I WAS THE BEST DOGGONE DANCER THAT EVER CAME OUT OF THE TENNESSEE HILLS, AND HER PA CAN OUT-STOMP A RILED UP MULE.
COME ON, CITY BOY! US CLAMPETTS ARE GONNA SET YOUR SHOES TO SMOKIN! JED! BY THE WAY YOU YOUNG PEOPLE CAN DANCE IF YOU LIKE.
NOT ME, I'LL GO FOR SOME OF THAT FUDGE.
COME ON, HONEY, LET'S DANCE.
PLL TURN ON THE VICTROLA FOR YOU.
COME ON, SWEETIE, LET'S DANCE.
LET'S SPIN YOUR PARTNER! YEEHA! DOSADO! YEEHA! PROMENADE! LIGHT ON HER FEET, AIN'T SHE? YOU'D NEVER KNOW SHE WAS MOVING THEM.
GRANNY! CHURN IT GRANNY.
YAHOO! YEEHA! COME ON, BOY, LET'S GO! GO, MR.
CLAMPETT! GO, GO, GO! OH, THAT'S GOOD! YEEHA! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU ALL DANCING FOR? WE'RE CELEBRATING YOUR COUSIN ELLY MAY GETTING MARRIED.
IS ELLY GETTING MARRIED? SHE SURE IS! REALLY? WHO IS SHE MARRYING? YOU! ME? THAT'S RIGHT.
MOTHER! MOTHER! WELL NOWIT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO JED AND ALL HIS KIN, AND THEY WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOLKS FOR KINDLY DROPPING IN.
YOU'RE ALL INVITED BACK NEXT WEEK TO THIS LOCALITY, TO HAVE A HEAPIN' HELPIN' OF THEIR HOSPITALITY.
HILLBILLY THAT {S, SET A SPELL, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, Y' HEAR? THIS HAS BEEN A FILMWAYS PRESENTATION.
AND THEN ONE DAY HE WAS SHOOTIN AT SOME FOOD, AND UP THROUGH THE GROUND COME A BUBBLING CRUDE.
OIL THAT IS, BLACK GOLD, TEXAS TEA.
WELL THE FIRST THING YOU KNOW OL' JED'S A MILLIONAIRE, THE KIN FOLKS SAID, "JED, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE".
SAID, "CALIFORNY IS THE PLACE YOU OUGHT TO BE", SO THEY LOADED UP THE TRUCK AND THEY MOVED TO BEVERLY, HILLS THAT IS, SWIMMING POOLS, MOVIE STARS.
THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.
NOW COME ALONG AND VISIT WITH THE CLAMPETT FAMILY AS THEY LEARN THE SIMPLE PLEASURES OF THE HILLS OF BEVERLY, AND THAT INCLUDES THE PRODUCTS OF YOUR SPONSOR OF THE WEEK, THE CEREALS OF KELLOGG'S, KELLOGG'S OF BATTLE CREEK.
K-E DOUBLE L, O DOUBLE GOOD, KELLOGG'S BEST TO You.
OH, HI THERE, GRANNY.
WHATCHA LOOKIN' AT? OH I'M LOOKING AT THESE PICTURES THAT MR.
DRYSDALE TOOK OF SONNY AND ELLY.
OH YEAH, THEY'S RIGHT GOOD, AIN'T THEY.
DANDY.
JED, I RECKON WE'LL BE HAVING A WEDDING AROUND HERE PRETTY SOON.
HOW'D YOU KNOW? SONNY'S GIVING ELLY A RING THIS MORNIN'.
I, I COULDN'T GET TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND I HEAR'D THEM TALKIN' DOWN BY THE DOOR.
ALL THE WAY FROM YOUR BEDROOM? WELL, MY WINDER WAS OPEN.
THAT'S STILL A POWERFUL LONG WAYS TO HEAR.
NOT IF YOU CLIMB OUT INTO A TREE AND SHIMMY DOWN A WAYS.
YOU HEARD SONNY ASKING ELLY TO GET ENGAGED? PLAIN AS DAY.
SONNY SAID, "ELLY, YOU GONNA BE HOME IN THE MORNING?" AND ELLY SAID, "YES.
" SONNY SAID, "I'LL GIVE YOU A RING AT TEN O'CLOCK.
" WELL, DOGGIES.
WELL IT'S PRETTY NEAR STRAIGHT UP FOR TEN RIGHT NOW.
(PHONE RINGING) HELLO.
OH, GOOD MORNINâ, SON, I MEAN SONNY.
YEAH, ELLY'S HERE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER? OH, YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER ON THE TELEPHONE? WELL, JUST A MINUTE.
CAN'T GIVE A GIRL NO RING ON THE TELEPHONE.
TELEPHONE, ELLY.
OKAY, PA.
I'LL GET IT UP HERE.
GRANNY.
YOU HADN'T OUGHTA BE LISTENING.
WELL IT'S ALOT EASIER THAN SHIMMYING DOWN A TREE IN THE DARK.
I TORE MY NIGHTGOWN.
I SENT A BUNCH OF THESE BACK HOME TO COUSIN PEARL.
WHAT FOR? WELL, YOU KNOW HOW SHE WAS ALWAYS BRAGGIN' ABOUT HER DAUGHTER JETHRENE GOIN' TO BEAT ELLY MAY TO THE ALTAR? YEAH.
I SURE WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE LOOK ON PEARL'S FACE WHEN SHE SEES THIS.
JETHRENE, LOOK AT THIS! AND I ALWAYS BRAGGED THAT YOU COULD BEAT ELLY MAY TO THE ALTAR.
I CAN, MA.
I CAN OUTRUN ELLY MAY, MY LEGS IS LONGER.
OH LOOK, WE GOTTA GET BUSY.
NOW WHAT TIME'S THAT JASPER FELLA COMIN' TO COURT YOU? SIX O'CLOCK.
HE'S TAKING ME OUT IN HIS CAR.
OH, NO HE AIN'T.
HE'S COURTIN' YOU RIGHT HERE IN MY PARLOR WHERE I CAN SEE TO IT THAT HE GETS TO THE POINT.
WELL THAT'S WHERE HE'S TAKING ME MA, PERKIN'S POINT.
THEY'S A BARN DANCE THERE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE POINT OF PROPOSING TO YA.
DON'T YOU WANT TO GET YOURSELF A HUSBAND? YES'M.
JETHRENE, WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE BEEN BORN WITH SOME OF MY BRAINS INSTEAD OF JUST MY BEAUTY.
âCOURSE, I GOTTA ADMIT THAT, YOU AIN'T QUITE AS PURDY AS ELLY MAY.
I AIN'T EVEN AS PURDY AS HER FELLA.
YOU ARE SO! (KNOCK ON DOOR) HI, SONNY.
HI, STEP-DAD.
WELL, HOW ARE YOU AND ELLY MAY CLAMPETT GETTING ALONG? MARVELOUSLY.
SHE'S MAD ABOUT ME.
OH? HOW DO YOU FEEL? THE SAME.
REALLY? I'M MAD ABOUT ME, TOO.
NO, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HER? OH, SHE'S FUN, STEP-DAD.
I LIKE HER LOTS.
I'M GOING OVER THERE NOW AND TAKE HER FOR A DRIVE.
GOOD, GOOD.
HER FATHER HAS $25 MILLION DOLLARS IN MY BANK YOU KNOW.
YES, I KNOW.
SHE'S A QUITE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, DON'T YOU THINK? OH, RAVISHING.
YOU KNOW, I UNDERSTAND THESE HUNTING GIRLS MAKE PERFECTLY WONDERFUL WIVES STRONG, HEALTHY, NOT AFRAID OF A LITTLE WORK.
SO I UNDERSTAND.
YOU KNOW, SONNY, I HAVE A POSITION OPENING DOWN AT MY BANK.
OH, IT'S NOT MUCH TO START WITH, BUT ADVANCEMENT COULD BE RAPID WITH MY HELP.
CERTAINLY IT WOULD BE ENOUGH TO RENT A NICE APARTMENT, SETTLE DOWN, TAKE UP HOUSEKEEPING.
WHY DON'T YOU THINK IT OVER AND DISCUSS IT WITH ELLY MAY.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT WITH ALL THE MONEY HER FATHER HAS, I DOUBT SERIOUSLY IF SHE'D WANT TO WORK AT YOUR BANK.
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW US, ELLY MAY? YEAH, HOLD OUT YOUR HAND, LET US TAKE A LOOK.
THEY'S CLEAN, PA, I WASHED THEM WITH SOAP.
NO RING? NO, GRANNY, I WASHED THEM ALL THE WAY UP TO HERE.
SONNY DRYSDALE DIDN'T GIVE YOU NO ENGAGEMENT RING? SHUCKS NO, PA.
WHY WOULD HE WANT TO DO THAT? HE'S GONNA TAKE ME DRIVING.
THAT'S BAD.
OUT DRIVING IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AIN'T NO WAY TO GET ENGAGED.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I PROPOSED TO YOUR DAUGHTER OUT DRIVING.
IN A HORSE AND BUGGY THAT'S A HEAP DIFFERENT.
BESIDES THAT OL' MARE OF YOURS KNEW RIGHT WHERE SHE WAS GOING.
THAT WAY YOU COULD TURN YOUR ATTENTION ON ROSE ELLEN.
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
BUT OUT DRIVING IN AN AUTOMOBILE IN CITY TRAFFIC WITH ALL THEM CARS TRYING TO HIT YA, BY THE TIME YOU TURN YOUR HEAD TO SAY, "WILL YA," SOMEBODY HAS.
THERE'S NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT, THAT CHILD IS GOING TO NEED HELP TO TRAP THAT SONNY DRYSDALE.
ELLY MAY DON'T NEED TO TRAP NO MAN TO GET HIM.
EVERY MAN THAT EVER GOT GIT, WAS GIT THAT WAY.
NOT ME.
WE JUST HAPPENED TO STOP UNDER A SHADY ELM TREE AND I PROPOSED TO YOUR DAUGHTER ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT.
THAT SPUR OF THE MOMENT OF YOURS TOOK US SIX MONTHS SCHEMING AND PLANNING.
WHY WE EVEN TRAINED THAT OL' MARE OF YOURS TO STOP UNDER THAT SHADY OLD ELM TREE.
WELL, ANY TRAPPING WILL HAVE TO BE UP TO YOU, GRANNY.
I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO EXCEPTIN' I HELD A SHOTGUN ON SONNY.
WELL, I'LL STUDY ON IT.
THEM CITY FELLERS MIGHT BE DIFFERENT.
(DOORBELL RINGING) (DOORBELL RINGING) JED, DO YOU RECKON WE'LL EVER FIND OUT WHERE THAT MUSIC COMES FROM? I RECKON, IF WE KEEP A LOOKIN'.
(DOORBELL RINGING) YOU'RE WASTIN' YOUR TIME LOOKIN' FOR THAT THERE MUSIC.
I'VE LOOKED FOR IT A DOZEN TIMES, AND BEFORE YOU CAN FIND IT SOMEBODY'LL COME RAPPIN' AT THE DOOR.
(DOOR KNOCKING) SEE? TOLD YA.
OH, HI SONNY.
GREETINGS ALL.
ELLY MAY READY? SHE SURE IS.
SHE'S BEEN READY SINCE SHE'S BEEN FOURTEEN.
I BEG YOUR PARDON? OH, ELLY MAY, SONNY'S HERE.
WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW IS, ARE YOU READY? GRANNY.
WELL, I SURE HOPE YOU YOUNG FOLKS HAVE A DANDY DRIVE.
OH, WE SHALL.
I PLAN TO TAKE ELLY ON A SOCIALLY SIGNIFICANT DRIVE THROUGH BRENTWOOD AND BELLAIRE TO SHOW HER SOME OF OUR DEPRESSED AREAS.
HOWDY, SONNY.
ELLY MAY! YOU LOOK POSITIVELY DIVINE.
SO DO YOU, SONNY.
I KNOW.
DON'T YOU BITE ME.
ELLY MAY, A KISS ON THE HAND IS A VERY PROPER GREETING.
OH.
COME ON, EVERYBODY, KISS SONNY'S HAND.
PLEASE, NEVER MIND, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
WELL, HAVE A NICE DRIVE, Y'ALL.
YEP, AND IF YOU PASS UNDER A SHADY ELM TREE, IT WON'T HURT NONE TO STOP FOR A SPELL.
THERE THEY GO.
QUICK, JETHRO, START UP THE TRUCK WHILE I GET MY RETICULE.
WHERE YOU GOING? TO FOLLOW 'EM.
NO HOLD ON, YOU TWO, YOU CAN'T FOLLOW SONNY, HE'LL SEE YA.
THEY WON'T KNOW WHO WE ARE, WE'LL BE WEARING DARK GLASSES.
HE'LL THINK WE'RE A COUPLE OF BEVERLY HILLS MOVIE STARS OUT FOR A DRIVE.
COME ON OFF THAT TRUCK.
COME ON.
JETHRENE, DID YOU POUR THE FUDGE OUT TO COOL? YEAH, MA, BUT I'M AFRAID IT AIN'T GONNA GET HARD.
WELL, IF IT DON'T YOU AND JASPER CAN EAT IT WITH SPOONS AND I'LL TELL HIM I MADE IT.
YOU DONE DRESSING? YEAH, MA.
WELL, COME ON IN HERE AND LET ME SEE HOW YOU LOOK.
TURN AROUND, LET ME SEE YOUR SASH, LET ME GET THE BOW STRAIGHT.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO BRING OUT THEM PILLOW CASES YOU BEEN EMBROIDERIN' FOR YOUR HOPE CHEST.
THE ONES WITH "HIS" AND "HERS" WORKING FRENCH KNOTS.
NEVER HURT NONE TO LET A BEAU SEE YOU'RE HANDY WITH A NEEDLE.
BUT I AIN'T.
I ALWAYS STICK MYSELF.
WELL IF YOU DO, DON'T BLEED ON THE PILLOW CASE WHERE HE'LL SEE IT.
NOW, WHEN YOU SHOW HIM THE STEREO OPTICAN PICTURES THESE IS THE ONES I'VE PICKED OUT FOR YOU.
THEY'LL PUT HIM IN THE RIGHT MOOD.
NIAGARA FALLS BY MOONLIGHT, WEDDIN' UNDER THE BOWER, THE STOLEN KISS.
LILLIAN RUSSELL IN TIGHTS.
OH NEVER MIND.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY ON THE PUMP ORGAN FOR HIM TO SHOW OFF YOUR MUSIC TALENTS? HOW ABOUT, RUSSELL O' SPRING.
THAT'S A DANDY! FULL OF RUNS AND TRILLS, AND THEN THERE'S A PART WHERE YOU CROSS YOUR HANDS.
OH, I TELL YOU, JETHRENE, THAT'S ONE PLACE YOU GOT IT OVER YOUR COUSIN ELLY MAY, PLAYIN' THE PUMP ORGAN.
THEM HANDS CAN STRETCH PERT NEAR TWO OCTAVES, AND THEM FEET IS MADE FOR PUMPING.
WELL, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR JASPER TO GET HERE.
HOW DO YOU FEEL DARLIN'? I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
NOW, JED.
ELLY AND SONNY WILL BE HERE ON THE SETTEE, AND WHEN HE GETS ON HIS KNEE AND PROPOSES TO HER AND ELLY SAYS YES, YOU COME A RUNNINâ FROM THAT DOOR AND I'LL COME A RUNNIN' FROM THAT DOOR SO'S WE'LL HAVE HIM BETWIXT US AND HE CAN'T BACK OUT.
GRANNY, I DON'T WANT TO BE LISTENIN' AT NO DOOR, AND I DON'T THINK YOU HAD OUGHTA NEITHER.
JED CLAMPETT.
NO WONDER YOUR DAUGHTER'S CROWDING 18 AND STILL AN OLD MAID.
WHY IF WE DON'T GET BUSY HER COUSIN JETHRENE WILL BEAT HER TO THE ALTAR BY A MILE.
SHE WON'T NEITHER.
ELLY MAY'S A LOT PURDIER THAN JETHRENE.
LOOKS AIN'T EVERYTHING.
BESIDES, JETHRENE HAS PEARL HELPING HER AND PEARL'S PARLOR, AND THAT'S THE STYLIEST AND BEST COURTIN' PARLOR IN THE WHOLE COUNTY.
I DON'T SEE NOTHINâ WRONG WITH THIS PARLOR.
OH, THAT'S âCAUSE YOU'RE A MAN.
THIS AIN'T GOT NO STYLE TOIT.
AIN'T GOT NO LACE CURTAINS, AND AIN'T GOT NO PORTIERES.
AIN'T GOT NO TIDIES OR DOILIES.
AIN'T EVEN GOT A PUMP ORGAN.
GOT A PIE-ANNY.
A PIE-ANNY AIN'T IN IT! WITH A PUMP ORGAN, WHEN IT COMES TO COURTIN' THEY'S GOT A QUIVER TOIT, JUST DRIVES A MAN WILD! AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN THAT STIRS A MAN LIKE SEEIN' A WOMAN PUMPIN' A PUMP ORGAN.
I WISH SONNY AND ELLY MAY'D GET BACK.
WONDER WHAT'S KEEPING THEM? MY BABY SHOES.
AREN'T THEY CUNNING? AWFULLY STIFF.
I DON'T SEE HOW YOU EVER WALKED IN THEM.
MOTHER HAD THEM BRONZED.
DIDN'T HELP MUCH, THEY'RE STILL STIFF.
WHAT'S THIS THING? OH, THAT'S MY TEDDY BEAR.
HIS NAME IS POOH.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KISS HIM? WELL NOT 'SPECIALLY.
I GUESS YOU'D RATHER KISS ME.
I'LL KISS THE BEAR.
I GUESS YOU'RE NOT IN A VERY ROMANTIC MOOD.
A LITTLE MUSIC WILL REMEDY THAT.
DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE? I AIN'T NEVER TRIED.
WELL YOU'RE IN FOR A DIVINE EXPERIENCE.
I'LL TEACH YOU.
NOW WATCH.
HOW DO I LOOK? LIKE SOMETHING'S A HURTIN' YOU.
MAYBE IT'S THEM ROSE THORNS STICKING IN YOUR GUMS.
ENOUGH OF THESE PRELIMINARIES! COME HERE, MY DEAR.
ARE YOU FRIGHTENED? NO, HAD I OUGHTA BE? YES, YOU'RE IN GREAT DANGER.
HOW COME? YOU'RE IN A MAN'S ROOM, ALONE.
NO I AIN'T.
YOU'RE HERE.
YOU ARE NOT PLAYING THE GAME! YOU FEELING SICK TO YOUR STOMACH, DARLING? YEAH, MA.
WELL, I WENT DOWN TO THE CELLAR AND I DRAW'D OFF SOME HOME MADE ELDERBERRY WINE.
AIN'T NOTHING IN THE WORLD BETTER FOR SETTLING A QUEASY STOMACH.
âCOURSE, ACCORDING TO THE RULES YOU SHOULDN'T TOUCH SPIRITS TILL YOUR WEDDIN' DAY, BUT I GUESS IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY A LITTLE SWALLOW WON'T HURT.
I KNOW IT'S A MIGHT BITTER TASTING, BUT TRY AND FORCE A LITTLE DOWN.
IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
JUST A LITTLE MORE, JETHRENE, DO IT FOR YOUR MA.
JASPER WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE NOW.
FEELING BETTER? A LITTLE.
I'VE GOT IT FIGURED HOW WE GET YOU TO PLAY THE PUMP ORGAN FOR HIM.
I KNOW JUST WHAT HE'LL SAY WHEN HE WALKS IN âCAUSE EVERYBODY DOES.
HE'LL SAY, "WHY, I DECLARE! THAT'S A MIGHTY FANCY PUMP ORGAN YOU GOT THERE.
" AND I'LL SAY, "WHY THANK YOU.
I'M MIGHTY PARTIAL TO PUMP ORGAN MUSIC.
" AND THEN YOU SAY, "WHY, I'LL PLAY SOMETHING.
" AND THEN YOU SIT DOWN AND YOU PLAY LIKE YOU NEVER PLAYED BEFORE.
YOU UNDERSTAND? YES'M.
(DOORBELL) THERE HE IS.
YOU AIN'T GONNA THROW UP ARE YA? I'LL TRY NOT.
EVENIN', MISS BODINE.
WHY, JASPER DePUGH, WHAT A SURPRISE.
JETHRENE, HONEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
EVENIN', JETHRENE.
(HICCUP) JETHRENE CAN BE A LITTLE NERVOUS.
I RECKON IT'S THE STRAIN OF ALL THOSE BEAUS THAT COME A COURTIN'.
I SWEAR, I GOTTA SWEEP THEM OUT OF THIS PARLOR EVERY DAY.
HEY, THAT'S A MIGHTY FANCY PUMP ORGAN YOU GOT THERE, MA'AM.
WHY THANK YA.
I'M MIGHTY PARTIAL TO PUMP ORGAN MUSIC.
IN FACT, I'D JUST LOVE TO HEAR SOME PUMP ORGAN MUSIC, RIGHT NOW! I'LL PLAY YOU SOME, MA'AM.
JED, IT'S PLUM PAST DARK AND SONNY AND ELLY AIN'T HOME YET.
WHERE COULD THEY BE? WHAT ARE THEY DOING? ARE THEY ENGAGED? WHY DON'T WE HEAR SOMETHING? OH, THAT POOR, SWEET, INNOCENT ELLY MAY OUT THERE IN THE DARK WITH A MAN.
JED, MAYBE SOMETHING HAPPENED? NOW MAYBE SOMETHING GRANNY, CALM DOWN.
ELLY CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.
I RECKON YOU AIN'T NERVOUS, HUH? SHUCKS NO, JUST SITTIN' HERE WHITTLIN'.
WELL WHAT YOU'RE WHITTLIN' ON USED TO BE THE ARM OF THAT CHAIR.
RECKON I AM A MIGHT NERVOUS AT THAT.
NOW, JED, WHEN THEY DO GET HOME, YOU AND ME HAVE GOT TO SEE SONNY DON'T GET AWAY WITHOUT BEING PROPER ENGAGED.
GRANNY, MAYBE WE'S RUSHING THINGS.
MAYBE SONNY AIN'T READY TO GET MARRIED.
JED.
NO MAN IS READY TO GET MARRIED, YOU GOTTA GET 'EM READY.
LIKE YOU GET A STEER READY FOR SLAUGHTER.
CAN'T YOU FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO COMPARE IT TO? WELL, HERE WE ARE.
I RECKON IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODNIGHT.
I SURE DO THANK YOU FOR THE NICE RIDE, SONNY.
MY PLEASURE, ELLY MAY.
ILL GIVE YOUA RING IN THE MORNING.
PROMISES, PROMISES.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE ANOTHER DRIVE TOMORROW? I SURE WOULD.
WHERE SHALL WE GO? TO THE PREACHER.
ANYPLACE YOU SAY, SONNY.
WELL, SEE YOU TOMORROW THEN.
(SINGING) OH, HERE COMES THE BRIDE.
HERE COMES THE BRIDE.
HOWDY, GRANNY.
WELL, LAND SAKES, LOOK WHO'S HERE! JED! COME SAY HELLO TO SONNY.
DON'T BOTHER MR.
CLAMPETT, I'M LEAVING.
I'LL SHOW YOU A SHORT CUT.
HOWDY, SONNY.
GOOD EVENING, MR.
CLAMPETT.
JED.
NOW IS YOUR TIME TO HAVE THAT TALK WITH SONNY.
WHAT TALK? ABOUT ELLY MAY.
I GOT NOTHING TO TALK TO SONNY ABOUT ELLY.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO TALK TO SONNY.
YOU TALK TO ELLY MAY.
DID YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL ME, PA? WELL, I HADN'T PLANNED ON IT, BUT, MAYBE NOW Is A GOOD TIME.
SIT DOWN.
ELLY? YEAH, PA? WOMEN FOLKS LIKE YOUR GRANNY, AND AUNT PEARL, SEEM TO SET GREAT STORE BY MATCHMAKING.
YOU JUST CAN'T REST EASY TILL EVERYBODY'S PAIRED UP, AND THE SOONER THE BETTER.
NOW YOUR GRANNY WANTS YOU TO MARRY UP WITH SONNY DRYSDALE.
DO YOU WANT ME TO MARRY UP WITH HIM, PA? ELLY MAY, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING IN THE WORLD I WANT FOR YOU AND THAT'S TO BE HAPPY.
DO YOU RECKON I'D BE HAPPY MARRIED UP TO SONNY? ONLY IF YOU LOVE HIM.
WELL HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY? WELL, I CAN'T EXACTLY EXPLAIN HOW YOU KNOW, BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS YOU KNOW.
YOU DON'T NEED NOBODY TO SHOVE YOU.
YOU JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET MARRIED.
NOW, DO YOU FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT SONNY? WELL, I AIN'T SURE.
DO YOU RECKON HE FEELS THAT WAY ABOUT ME? NOW, TELL ME.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GETTING MARRIED AND SETTLING DOWN AND RAISING A FAMILY? I FIND THE NOTION COMPLETELY REPUGNANT.
GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
I'M ONE MAN WHO SIMPLY CANNOT BE MONOGAMOUS.
FINE AND DANDY.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ELLY? I FIND HER BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING, REFRESHINGLY DIFFERENT, BUT SOMEWHAT LACKING IN THE SOCIAL GRACES.
WHAT'S THAT MEAN? WELL, FOR EXAMPLE, SHE CAN'T DANCE.
ELLY MAY CLAMPETT? WHY SHE'S GOT DANCING IN HER SOUL.
I'M HER GRANDMA AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I WAS THE BEST DOGGONE DANCER THAT EVER CAME OUT OF THE TENNESSEE HILLS, AND HER PA CAN OUT-STOMP A RILED UP MULE.
COME ON, CITY BOY! US CLAMPETTS ARE GONNA SET YOUR SHOES TO SMOKIN! JED! BY THE WAY YOU YOUNG PEOPLE CAN DANCE IF YOU LIKE.
NOT ME, I'LL GO FOR SOME OF THAT FUDGE.
COME ON, HONEY, LET'S DANCE.
PLL TURN ON THE VICTROLA FOR YOU.
COME ON, SWEETIE, LET'S DANCE.
LET'S SPIN YOUR PARTNER! YEEHA! DOSADO! YEEHA! PROMENADE! LIGHT ON HER FEET, AIN'T SHE? YOU'D NEVER KNOW SHE WAS MOVING THEM.
GRANNY! CHURN IT GRANNY.
YAHOO! YEEHA! COME ON, BOY, LET'S GO! GO, MR.
CLAMPETT! GO, GO, GO! OH, THAT'S GOOD! YEEHA! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU ALL DANCING FOR? WE'RE CELEBRATING YOUR COUSIN ELLY MAY GETTING MARRIED.
IS ELLY GETTING MARRIED? SHE SURE IS! REALLY? WHO IS SHE MARRYING? YOU! ME? THAT'S RIGHT.
MOTHER! MOTHER! WELL NOWIT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO JED AND ALL HIS KIN, AND THEY WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOLKS FOR KINDLY DROPPING IN.
YOU'RE ALL INVITED BACK NEXT WEEK TO THIS LOCALITY, TO HAVE A HEAPIN' HELPIN' OF THEIR HOSPITALITY.
HILLBILLY THAT {S, SET A SPELL, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, Y' HEAR? THIS HAS BEEN A FILMWAYS PRESENTATION.