The Beverly Hillbillies (1962) s02e04 Episode Script

Elly Starts to School

Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed And then one day he was shootin' at some food And up through the ground come a-bubblin' crude Oil, that is.
Black gold.
Texas tea.
Well the first thing you know ol' Jed's a millionaire The kinfolk said, "Jed, move away from there" Said, "Californy is the place you ought to be" So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly Hills, that is.
Swimmin' pools, movie stars.
I ain't a-goin', and you can't make me go! Elly May, you come back here now, and do as I say! Get her, Jed, get her! Make her mind ya! Doggone it, Duke, I sure would like to know what all this excitement's about.
Wish I was done eatin'.
You might as well give up, Jed.
She's made it to the big tree.
Granny, I'm goin' up after her and bring her down.
That's a mighty tall tree, Jed.
And she's goi" plumb to the top.
Granny, this is somethin' that can't be put off no longer.
That girl has got to start to school.
Look, Duke.
For Elly May to take to that girls' finishin' school.
I reckon you ain't much interested in school.
You'd rather be chasin' a raccoon up a tree, wouldn't ya? I'm afraid Elly would, too.
Well, hello, Granny.
Did you get her into a dress? I did.
Got her hair up in braids, too.
I kinda favor Elly May's hair hangin' down nice and loose and pretty.
Oh, Jed, she's commencin' to school, and a schoolgirl should wear her hair in braids.
How come? That's so the boy that sets behind her can stick her pigtails in the inkwell.
That's how they get acquainted.
That might work all right back in the hills, but here in the city, things is a mite different.
Boys is boys and girls is girls, city or country.
I'll betcha Elly May has a boy totin' her books home tonight.
Well, I'm afraid not, Granny.
You see, the school where Elly's goin', there ain't no boys there.
What kind of a fool school is that?! Shh.
Don't want Mrs.
Drysdale to hear ya.
It was her idea.
I might've known it.
That woman is a troublemaker.
She never did cotton to us livin' here, and she's up to somethin' now.
I'm gonna learn her to mind her own business! Now, hold on there.
Hold on, back up.
Drysdale done Elly May a favor to get her into that school.
That's what you call a girls' finishin' school.
Without any boys, I don't know how they even get started! Well, here I am, Pa.
Elly May, you are prettier than sun-up! And you wanna waste her on a school full o' girls.
Come on in and see yourself in the lookin' glass.
Pa, do I have to wear a dress? Elly May, that's the dress that your Aunt Pearl made for ya.
Yeah, this is all hand work, Elly.
Pearl spent four weeks on this.
And 50 cents in cash.
Ah, Elly May, you just be thankful.
Why, there won't be a girl in that exclusive finishin' school with a dress like this'n.
Or like the lunch I fixed for ya.
I even throwed in a su'prise for the teacher: a nice, big, fat baked ol' possum.
Swimmin' in gopher gravy.
I tell ya, Elly May, you're gonna cut a wide path through that school.
Pa, why can't I wear my regular clothes to school? Because this is Beverly Hills, and girls is Jed Clampett speakin'.
Oh, howdy there, Mrs.
Well, yes, she's just about ready to go now, but she's wantin' to wear her ol' pants and shirt, and I told her that It is? Well, that sure is gonna pleasure Elly.
Well, thank you, Mrs.
Drysdale said it'd be just fine for you to wear your ol' pants and shirt to that exclusive finishin' school.
Miss Hathaway! Oh, wait a minute, Chief, your wife is here.
Yes, I know you'll want to Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello, hello to you! Oh.
Any news from Milburn? Oh, yes, yes, he'll be in Friday.
Oh, good.
I rather imagine the Clampetts will have moved away by then.
Moved away? What have you done, Mrs.
Drysdale? Only what you and Milburn have been urging me to do "be helpful".
I recommended a school to Mr.
Clampett for his daughter, Elly May.
Oh, well, that was very ni What school? One befitting the daughter of a Beverly Hills multimillionaire.
Our most exclusive private finishing school.
Not the Willows! Where else? You and Milburn keep reminding me that under her blue jeans and faded shirt, Elly May is as good as anyone.
She is, but those girls at the Willows are insufferable snobs! They'll cut her to ribbons! Well, don't blame me if she finds herself beyond her social and intellectual depth.
I've been saying from the first that the Clampetts didn't belong.
I've tried to spare them this, uh, humiliation.
You are all heart.
They must be on their way to the Willows.
After the reception they get there, I rather imagine they'll be on their way to the hills or the caves or wherever it is they came from.
Drysdale, this may cost me my position here, but there is something I must say.
You are a fink.
This is the way we go to school Go to school, finishin' school This is the way we go to school With a possum for the teacher.
Cynthia, I still do not approve of your attending school in such casual attire.
None of the other girls are wearing slacks and sweatshirt.
Oh, Mama, relax.
The other girls look to me to set the pace.
Tomorrow, everyone'll be wearing mink sweatshirts.
And then, of course, I shall switch to chinchilla.
Do you want Mother to go in and help you enroll, dear? Oh, no, darling.
I'm taking the same subjects as last year.
Golf, fencing, tennis, riding, history and-and water skiing.
Oh, do try to stick with it this time, Cynthia.
You're becoming a finishing school dropout.
Who ran that up for you, Cynth? My couturier, but, of course, the idea was mine.
Oh, pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle, je cherche Mademoiselle Clampett.
Uh, well, I'm afraid my French is a little rusty.
I am from Haute Couture, ze famous Parisian fashion magazine.
Oh, well, this is my own concept.
Well, we cannot all be creative, n'est pas? Oh, but getting back to Mademoiselle Clampett.
We understand she's enrolling here today, and naturellement, she'll set a new style trend, just as she always does.
Clampett? Oh, yes.
They-they have just moved here from their mountain chateau.
They're ghastly rich, swimming in oil, complete, uh, non-conformists, fiercely original.
They sometimes weave their own cloth.
Oh, well, that is original.
Shh! I think she is arriving.
This is the way we go to school With a possum for the teacher In that old truck? Oh, that must be part of the overall motif.
She spares no expense to create total effect.
Well, here you are, Elly.
Want us to go in with you, see you get a good desk? I'll be all right, Pa.
I see Miss Jane up yonder by the porch.
Eh, bet you Mrs.
Drysdale sent her over, see Elly feels at home.
She's just wearing blue jeans and a shirt and a rope for a belt.
How basic.
How understated.
How Zen.
She looks like a hillbilly.
Voila! You've given this new vogue a name! It will sweep Paris like-like wildfire! I must run and get my sketch pad.
Here's your possum, Elly.
And remember, when you give it to the teacher, don't slop no hot gopher gravy on her.
I won't, Granny.
Bye-bye, Elly.
Bye, Elly.
Bye, Elly.
Learn your cipherin', Elly.
And be a good girl.
Cynthia, she's carrying a bucket.
It's the ultimate simplicity in purses.
Next week, Jackie Kennedy will have one.
Here she comes now.
Oh, I do hope she will remember me.
It would be such a thrill.
Well, howdy there, Miss Jane.
Sure is good to see you here.
She remembers me.
Oh, Mademoiselle Clampett.
C'est si ravissant! C'est un si grand honneur.
Gosh almighty, I can't figure a word you're saying.
That is what I call "total effect.
" She has even mastered the accent.
S'il vous plaît.
Vous etes formidable.
She's your daughter, Jed.
And I ain't one for telling you how to raise her or where to send her to school.
Unless of course, you was to ask me.
If you want to send Elly May to school where there's no boys, that's your business.
And you ain't gonna get one word out of me.
Unless you ask.
Granny You're making a mistake! Pa.
Howdy there, Miss Jane.
Elly May, you didn't spend no time at all at school.
Well, I know, Pa.
I met just one girl, then Miss Jane said we'd ought to leave.
Well, I thought it best to Elly May, you didn't give the teacher her possum! Well, Miss Jane wouldn't let me.
What? Oh.
Well, you-you see, Granny, there are a dozen teachers, and I was afraid they'd fight over it.
Well, she's right.
One possum wouldn't hardly feed no more than two people.
That's right.
I'll get busy, and tomorrow I'll bake you six possums.
Miss Jane said I hadn't ought to go back tomorrow.
Why not? Well, I You mean Elly May ain't good enough for them other girls? Oh, it's not that! Let's have the truth, now.
Well, if you want the truth, they are not good enough for her.
Elly May, don't you listen to that kind of talk.
Miss Jane, we don't hold with some folks thinking they's better than others! Mr.
Clampett, not everyone feels that way.
Anyone can get a spiteful spell now and then.
Yeah, now, you take Mrs.
For a time there, she was treating us like we was polecats at a picnic.
But just yesterday, she turned real nice, and she told me about that school for Elly to go to.
I can see this is going to take time, and I must get back to the office.
Now, don't let Elly May have anything more to do with those girls at the Willows.
I declare, I never thought Miss Jane would put on airs! Me, neither.
Elly May, I hope them girls over to the school didn't get the feeling that you held yourself above 'em.
Well, I hope not, too, Pa.
Why don't you invite the whole kit and kaboodle of 'em over here for a possum supper.
Granny, I just met one girl.
Cynthia Fenwick.
Well invite Cynthia and her whole family.
I'll do it, Pa! Oh, Cynthia, darling.
Hi, Mummy, darling.
Homework tonight, forehand volley.
Cynthia, the most ghastly person has been phoning for you today.
Mummy, I don't even know any ghastly persons.
Precisely what I said.
I said, "See here, Miss Clampett, you ghastly person" Clampett! Elly May Clampett has been calling me? Yes, and she had the cheek to invite us to her home.
I suspect a kidnap plot.
She has the strangest accent.
Mummy, the Clampetts are the avant-garde social leaders of the season! Are you serious? Mm, dreadfully serious.
You mean, we should accept? Don't just accept.
Call them immediately and beg to be invited! Beasley, where is the nearest phone? Front seat or back? Front seat.
I tell you, Granny, I never talked to nobody so pitiful anxious to come for vittles as them Fenwicks.
They must have fell on hard times, Jed.
Well, that could be.
You know, it turns out, she's a widow woman.
Oh, Elly May, Ms.
Fenwick called back, and she's coming for supper, her and Cynthia.
Oh, good, Pa.
Cynthia sure looked like she could use some vittles.
Powerful skinny girl.
I told you, Jed, they fell on hard times.
That's a fact.
Cynthia was wearing the oldest-looking clothes I ever did see.
She was? Had on a fur she must have outgrowed 15 years ago.
It barely come to her middle.
And her pants had been wore till they was plumb shiny! Her ma's in worse shape than she is.
That poor old widow ain't got nothing to wear.
You don't say! Well, it must have shamed her something terrible to have to say it, but right on the telephone, she asked me, did she have to dress for dinner? Cynthia, I have always tried to indulge your every whim.
I have been a very generous, and I've been a very understanding mother, but I refuse to go to dinner in blue jeans! Oh, Mummy, either we go dressed in the height of fashion, or I shall hold my breath until I turn purple! And think how that will go with this orange peignoir! Oh! But, dear, they're not showing blue jeans.
Not in Vogue, not in Harpers.
And every couturier we've called has hung up on us.
Now, how can they be fashionable? Because Elly May Clampett has decreed it! Think of it, Mummy.
We can wear them before Princess Grace and Jackie Kennedy! Ooh! Are they going to be at the Clampetts' dinner? No, Mummy, and neither will we, unless I can find some blue jeans.
I best call Elly May, and explain why we're running late.
Why sure, Cynthi, you and your ma just take your time.
That's all right.
Pa, you sure was right about them folks being hard up.
They's gonna be late because they can't find clothes to wear.
Elly May, you're thinking about the same thing I am.
Take 'em some of mine? Providing it's done in a way that don't rob them of their pride.
Jethro, I want you to drive Elly May.
She's going over to the Fenwicks to take them some clothes.
Oh, yes, sir.
Oh, they can have some of mine, too.
Mine, too.
That's the spirit! Come on, Jethro! Hey, Jethro, you sure this is the right place? It's awful little.
Yeah, this is it, all right, Elly.
Says right on it, Fenwick House.
I reckon no one's home.
That's good.
We can leave these clothes without shaming 'em none.
Yeah, I'll set 'em right inside the door.
Lookit, Elly, just one teensy little room.
And not a stick of furniture in it.
Hey, and look.
They's trying to grow a little garden right here in this box.
No wonder poor Cynthia's so thin.
There ain't enough in there to feed a baby rabbit! Cynthia perhaps we could buy blue jeans already made at, um What do they call it? Um, a clothing store.
What do you think of that? Oh, Mummy! Well, you needn't be crude about it! The butler's buzzing.
Yes, Jason? Mummy, are you expecting a call? There seems to be someone at the gatehouse.
No, dear.
No, Jason.
Mummy! The gatehouse! The gardeners sometimes leave work clothes there! Surely, you're not suggesting that This is an emergency.
I shall dash right down to the gatehouse and have a look! Jason, have the car brought around immediately.
It would have broke your heart to see where they live.
Their whole house ain't no bigger than a chicken coop.
They don't even have a place to roost! Not one stick of furniture! And no vittles except some little old greens they was trying to grow in a box.
Pitiful, just pitiful.
You know, I always wondered why the Lord give us so much, but I reckon this is the reason.
He wanted us to share with poor, needy folks like the widow Fenwick and her young'un.
Now, Elly May brought 'em some clothes, Granny is gonna give 'em some food.
What they need now is furnishings for that poor, little house of theirs.
Now quick, let's load up the truck before they get here.
Granny and Elly, you get some dishes and some eating tools.
Jethro and me'll find some furniture.
I want you young'uns to learn something now that I hope will abide with you for the rest of your days.
"The greatest joy of living is the joy that comes from giving.
" It worked.
They're moving! The Clampetts are actually moving! Sure they only got room for one bed, Jethro? Just barely.
Reckon it'll be big enough for the both of 'em? All I hear from Elly, that Cynthia Fenwick is so skinny, you couldn't hit her with a handful of corn.
Yoo-hoo, Mr.
Clampett! I thought I saw you moving things out.
I hope you're not angry over Elly May's experience at The Willows but, apparently, it did open your eyes.
It sure did.
We didn't know there was people like the Fenwicks in Beverly Hills.
The Fenwicks? Did Elly May meet Cynthia Fenwick? Yes, ma'am.
That's how come we's loading all this stuff Now, Jethro, no use robbing folks of their pride.
He's right, Jethro, the less said the better.
Just load up and go.
We's hurrying quick as we can.
Let me help.
Well, that's mighty neighborly of you.
I'll go see how Granny and Elly's getting along in the kitchen.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most understated and Zen of all? You, Cynthia Fenwick, you little darling.
Come to the mirror, Mums.
Let's see how you look.
I can't look.
I just can't.
Don't be silly.
Now, here's your bucket.
Bucket? Well, it's part of the Clampett look.
Now, of course, you must picture your hair in braids.
Oh, really.
Jason, come quickly.
Bring some cold champagne to pour over Mummy.
It doesn't matter.
Any vintage year will do.
By doggies, I never seen a woman so overcome with the spirit of giving as Mrs.
She's still toting things out.
I wish she'd get the spirit and start giving some of her own things.
Yeah, if she don't let up soon, I may hint about that.
Jed Clampett speaking.
Oh, well, howdy there, Miss Cynthia.
Y'all coming over today? Well, I'm afraid Mummy's not well.
Might we have a rain check? Why, you bet you you can.
Just a minute.
Granny, is it gonna rain tonight? All the signs point to it.
Granny says yes.
You'd best keep your ma inside and in the dry tonight.
Yes, well, I-I shall.
How about tomorrow? Just a minute.
How about tomorrow, Granny? Fair and sunny.
Granny says tomorrow will be fine.
Y'all come over and spend the whole day.
Oh, thank you, Mr.
Thank you and bless you.
We are so deeply grateful to you for your kindness and understanding.
Well, I'd, I'd really just love to say more, but Mummy has fainted and I must attend to her.
Well, yes, ma'am, you do that.
Them Fenwicks is so overcome by that little show of kindness of ours that, uh, Cynthia is just about bawling and the widow fainted dead away.
Uncle Jed, you'd best come see to Mrs.
I'm afraid she's going to strain something working the way she is.
Yeah, I'll tend to that, Jethro.
You get the truck under cover before it rains.
Elly, we got to get upstairs and close them windows.
Whoa, whoa, Mrs.
Drysdale, hold on there, hold on.
Tomorrow's another day.
You will continue moving tomorrow, you promise? We's gonna spend the whole day just making the Fenwicks happy.
And me.
I'll come here early to help.
Well, why don't you just rest up tomorrow? You must be all tuckered out.
No, no, I shall be here early.
Never did see such a change of heart come over a woman.
Jed Jed! Jed! Oh, Granny, let's have vittles early so we can all get to sleep early.
Tomorrow's a big day.
Ain't none of us going to get to sleep early tonight, Jed Clampett.
Why not? Mrs.
Drysdale's done emptied out all 12 bedrooms.
Well, now its time to say good-bye To Jed and all his kin And they would like to thank you folks Fer kindly droppin' in You're all invited back next week to this locality To have a heapin' helpin' of their hospitality.
Hillbilly that is.
Set a spell.
Take your shoes off.
Y'all come back now, y'hear? This has been a Filmways Presentation.

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