The Big Door Prize (2023) s02e09 Episode Script


[SIGHS] Good morning.
Hey, good morning.
My whistling didn't wake you up, did it?
No. Yeah, yeah.
- Oh.
- But it's okay.
- It's a happy whistle.
- Oh, yes.
Very happy whistle.
Happy to be back in this
bed together with you.
- You know
- Mmm.
I almost forgot that you
were in the bed last night.
And then you started
snoring, and I was like,
- "Oh, there he is." [CHUCKLES]
- Here I am.
[CHUCKLES] I think it's just gonna
take us a minute to ease back in.
- Were you expecting anybody?
- No.
So, let's just ignore it, stay in
the bed and ease back in?
- Yes, please.
[GIORGIO] Dusty, Cassie, get down here!
[NAT] There's a surprise in your house!
[BOTH] What the fuck?
- Look who it is!
The newly reunited Mr.
and Mrs. Big D Hubbard.
Oh, my gosh. You are glowing.
[CHUCKLES] Nat, what-what
are you doing here?
Did you guys just let yourselves in?
Sorry, D. I was knocking
for what felt like a minute.
we just couldn't wait.
We wanted to be the first to tell you
Cinque, sei, sette, otto!
Happy, happy un-selfploration ♪
It's your special day ♪
We're so glad that you
are now a family today ♪
From Giorgio and Natalie ♪
Your best friends forever ♪
We brought you some coffee ♪
And some foods ♪
What a delightfully
jarring start to a day.
- [CASS] Yes, it's very sweet.
- [DUSTY] Mm-hmm.
- It's just maybe a little early
- Couple of hours.
- on a weekend.
- Mmm.
Don't worry, Cassie. I'm paying
these guys time and a half.
- Mm-hmm.
- Do you wanna hear the song again?
Ah, I think we're good
forever on the song.
- Cinque, sei, sette!
- Gum!
[ALL] Happy, happy un-selfploration ♪
It's your special day ♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
Do you need to borrow
some underwear or
No, I'm just looking
through all your stuff.
- Mmm, cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, that's exactly what I
was hoping you'd be doing
when I was sleeping.
Uh, did you find anything good?
Well, I found these Deerfest tickets
that someone adorably labeled,
"First date with Trina."
- Mmm, yay.
Remind me to never
invite you over again.
I'm sleeping over all the time.
I still can't believe
your parents said yes.
Well, technically I told them
I was sleeping at Rita's so
Oh, wow, so technically a lie.
The "Liar" returns.
Where'd you get this?
That's Kolton's card.
[SIGHS] Yeah, I found it in his wallet.
I guess he used the MORPHO
when he went to Hana's old bar.
Were you going to tell me this or
Sorry, yes.
I just kind of wanted to keep
it for myself, you know?
- Hmm.
- It's no talking toad, but
You didn't look at it, did you?
No, why?
- Can I?
- No.
I mean, if you want,
but I wasn't going to.
I'd rather just imagine his potential
than be told, like, a specific thing
he'll never get to be, you know?
It's more the possibility
of everything this way.
- Hmm.
- Sounds psycho doesn't it?
No, not psycho.
Writing "first date with Trina" on
your Deerfest tickets is psycho.
I like being here with you.
My house is so chaotic, and your
house is so peaceful and calm.
[BEAU] Are you kidding me?
What's going on? Were
you yelling at the game?
- What game?
- I don't know, the sports game?
I was fired from the rink. Again.
- What? Why?
- I don't know.
Trevor said I wasn't a
crucial part of the team.
[SIGHS] Trevor fired you?
Fucking Trevor. He's such a tool.
It's fine.
I'll find something else.
I'm just gonna do my last
shift, collect my paycheck
and maybe smell the ice one last time.
So tell us all about your selfploration.
What did you learn about life and
love? Are you happier than ever?
Uh, I mean, what does it
mean to be happy, really?
answer your question, yes.
- Yes, we are happier than ever.
- Aw.
Would you agree, Cass?
- I would I would agree.
- Mmm.
Yeah, I feel like I-I've got so much
out of our time apart, you know.
I I I stayed the night
at a hotel by myself,
and I caught up on my reading.
Aw, lovely.
I reconnected with old friends.
Um, I made a new friend.
[GIORGIO] Good for you, Cassie.
And these are all things that you
couldn't do when you were with Dusty?
I wouldn't say that I couldn't do
it before. No, I [STAMMERS]
It's just kind of, like,
I feel like our selfploration,
it made me think about
what I wanted, you know?
- Mmm.
- Which, of course,
is a reason why
I rejoined the workforce.
So that I can make my own money.
And we are so lucky to
have you in the famiglia.
- [MOUTHING WORDS] Thank you.
- I keep forgetting that you're a waitress.
Actually, it's upper management, so
Oh, that's exciting.
Oh, wait till you see the float
that Cass and Giorgio have
been putting together
for the Deercoming Parade. I mean
That's right. Cassie's
becoming my consigliere,
my assistant capitano.
- My eyes and ears and right hand.
Well, if you're gonna be acting
as Giorgio's right hand,
you're gonna have your
work cut out for you.
That was just a little
frequent masturbation joke.
Anyway, uh, Dusty, you've
accomplished a lot too.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- I rediscovered my love of astronomy.
- You also dated someone.
I'd only ever been with one woman.
- And now I've been with two.
- Mmm.
Not sexually. Been with
you sexually. But not
And I birthed a shitload
of puppies. Mmm.
- Come on.
- Aw.
Yeah, he delivered It was just two
- Two puppies. Not a shitload.
- That's right. Not a shitload.
It was chaotic though. [CHUCKLES]
That's cool.
guess five and a half weeks
isn't really a lot of time, is it?
Less than two months.
Wasn't it supposed to be six weeks?
It was supposed to be six weeks.
But we just, you know, we couldn't
wait to get back to each other.
- [NAT] Aw.
And what about Alice?
Did she cry when you
broke the news to her, D,
or did she try to seduce
you one last time?
[STAMMERS] Well, I didn't really
have to break the news to her
because there was no
real news to break per se.
I'm just trying to follow.
Are you still dating Alice?
No. God, no. [CHUCKLES]
No. No, of course
No, I suppose what I meant
when I said I was
We were never officially dating.
So to break up officially
would've been so silly.
So you haven't told her, Dusty?
When would I have told her?
I've been with you the whole time.
Yeah, but you gotta tell her, D.
Don't make me go over there myself.
Giorgio, no, she'll try to seduce you.
Babe, she would have zero effect on me.
No, I will go and tell her, you know.
Feels like at this stage, she's
probably intuited that it's over.
Bu I'll tell her. I will tell her.
Hey! Stop with the bullshit, Trevor!
Wow, coming in real hot, which is
not what we discussed outside.
But hey, Trevor.
How's it going?
I'm faring well.
Other than almost being
assaulted while reading.
You weren't reading.
You were on your phone,
- you pretentious show pony.
- Okay, let's just not do this.
Trevor, I'm sorry I didn't
reply to your text, man.
Oh, didn't you?
I guess that was a bit puerile.
[CHUCKLES] Wow, look who
just learned the word "puerile."
Okay, but you didn't need
to fire my dad about it.
- [TRINA] Yeah.
- Jacob,
firing your dad had
nothing to do with you.
He's been breaking into
the rink every morning.
- What? [CHUCKLES] Why would he do that?
To practice figure skating.
Okay, I'm sorry, what?
And Jacob, you think I'm the liar?
No, that's probably not a lie, sadly.
My dad wanted to be a figure
skater when he was younger,
but he was too scared to tell his dad.
Generational machismo runs deep.
Can I kick his ass now, please?
Trev [SIGHS] I need you
to do me a solid, please.
Dad, get over here.
I have some good news.
You got my job back?
- That was misleading.
- Yeah, no.
Uh, apparently, you were guilty
of, like, every infraction
in the Deerfield Ice rule book.
Breaking in, personal use of the ice,
personal use of the Zamboni,
and they actually added a few
new rules based on your behavior
like personal use of the sound system.
I like to listen to Shania
Twain while I practice,
and I didn't think there'd be a person
on the planet who would mind.
She's an absolute angel on earth.
You know she's from Canada, right?
- Of course I know that.
- Okay, so your job isn't salvageable,
but I convinced Trevor to
give you some free ice time.
So, do you have your skates?
Do I have my skates?
Um [SCOFFS] I don't know,
did Elvis Stojko take home silver
at the Nagano Olympics?
Yes! Yes, he did.
[IZZY] The parade begins at Johnson's,
and will travel down Main
Street and end at Giorgio's.
The festivities will kick off with the
Deerfield High marching band,
and of course conclude
with the arrival of the deer.
Any questions?
Yeah, how did we land on
the name "Deercoming"?
Also, why a parade? Also, just, why?
You're so bad. [CHUCKLES]
[IZZY] For anyone who's new to town,
the Deercoming Parade
is a cherished tradition.
Local businesspeople compete
for the prize of "Best Float."
Best Float, here we go.
Get your votes in,
a lot of people have been working
real hard this year, okay?
So let's get to the polls, people.
It's like a Santa Claus parade,
but instead of Santa at the end,
it's a deer in a sleigh, pulled
by hunters on rollerblades.
- Mm-hmm.
- [NAT] That's right.
And the deer throws candy
deer droppings at the children,
which we call "deer drops."
Right, no, that makes perfect sense.
But, again, why?
Why? Why?
Is that the only question
you could ask, is why?
One might equally ask why
you came to this town,
or why you kept secrets
about the MORPHO,
or why you brought temptation
to our beloved, innocent priest?
- Hmm.
Guess the cat's out the bag.
Yeah, who knew kissing
in front of the entire town
at a wrestling match
would out us like that?
- Ooh.
Ignore her, Hana.
She's just jealous of anyone
who's getting some action.
- [NAT] Oh, snap!
I-In the early days of Deerfield,
uh, Deercoming signaled
the start of the deer hunt.
But since there are no more
deer, it now doesn't.
That's right. And I will,
of course, once again,
be portraying the titular deer
at the end of the parade.
Goddamn it.
Maybe next year, Sheila. Right?
- [ALICE] Dusty?
- [GASPS] Hey.
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Just checking the old window wipers.
Winter's coming.
Don't know if You know
if they're good for snow?
- We don't get a lot.
- What's that?
Oh, th I think it's
some junk mail, or
Oh, okay. Well, give it to me.
- Oh, you don't need to see it.
- No, give it to me.
Yeah. All right. [CLEARS THROAT]
"Thanks for being swell."
Is this a thank-you card?
- I can summarize it if you want
- No, no, no. I've got it.
"Dear Alice, thank you
for your interest in me.
It's been really lovely going on dates,
and having some nice chats,
and even some intimate moments."
I'm sorry, are you breaking up with
me in a fucking thank-you card?
I'm sorry, okay?
I considered a sympathy card,
but it felt presumptuous.
- And I wanted to say "thank you",
because I really have enjoyed
our lovely time together.
I just
I have a family.
Yeah, yeah, I know. [SCOFFS]
And I knew that you and Cass were
planning on getting back together.
I just I don't know.
This doesn't make sense.
- Yeah. Yeah, I know.
- The whole thing is so confusing.
- No.
No, it doesn't make sense
because you were in my vision.
- What?
- You were in my vision, Dusty, okay?
Yeah, your little animated guy
was with my little animated girl
Why didn't you tell me this before?
Because I didn't wanna freak you out.
It would have been a weird thing
to just drop on a first date.
Oh, yeah, right now is much better.
Listen, you kept on saying that the
break with Cass was temporary.
But then
I don't know. I-I felt like
we had a real connection,
and things were just
happening organically.
And, of course, I had my hopes.
I don't know.
Now that you're ending things
ugh, early, by the way
I don't know, I feel
like a fucking idiot
for thinking that this was
anything more, you know?
What was in the vision?
[SCOFFS] I mean, does it even matter?
You're with Cass now, right?
So what difference does it make?
[SCOFFS] I gotta go.
Wait. Wait. Alice, can
you just wait a minute?
Nope. There's a parade this afternoon,
and the marching band
isn't gonna set itself up.
- Well, it probably would, but
- Alice, can I just say something?
[SIGHS] Write me a card about it. Yeah?
- [TRINA] Oh!
- Oh, my God.
[TRINA] Whoo!
- He just had all that in his locker?
- So much fringe.
Is it weird that I'm kind
of nervous for him?
Not at all. I might throw up.
Yeah. Like father, like son.
- Oh.
Yes, Mr. Kovac!
- He can do it.
- No, no, is he going for a jump?
- Wow.
- Whoo!
- This is sick, and Shania really slaps.
Man, some of those oldies
What? Are you okay?
He's amazing, right?
No, I I know.
And look at him. He's so happy.
He's like my dad on his scooter
before he got all obsessed
with the machine.
I used to have a happy dad.
Now I have, like, a, um
- Sad dad?
- A sad dad, yeah.
Both my parents are all, like,
caught up in their visions.
And now they're trying to act happy,
but they're clearly in denial.
My house is just, like,
so unstable lately.
You can stay with me sometimes,
if you keep coming up
with decent cover stories.
Well, that's the thing. I wanna
stay with you all the time.
Oh. Shit. Okay.
It's too much. It's way too much.
- Mm-mmm. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Sorry.
I get it.
I love how much closer I've gotten
with my dad recently but
it just feels so much more like home
when it's not just the two of us.
So, should I move in? [CHUCKLES]
Like, maybe.
- Here.
- Are you giving me a key, sir?
[STAMMERS] It's Yeah,
it's actually a mailbox key.
- Oh.
- It's more of a symbolic gesture.
W-We don't even lock
our door, to be honest.
Are you sure about this?
No. Not at all. I think it
might be illegal, actually,
since we're not technically adults.
- Mm-hmm.
- But
I don't know,
we could try it for a while.
If your parents are cool with it.
I mean, I feel like they have to be,
considering the shit
they put me through.
But I'll ask them at Deercoming.
- Cool.
[LAUGHS] Hey, were you guys
watching that? [GRUNTS]
Oh, shit! Dad, are you okay?
- Yes! Perfect timing, Big D!
- Oh sh
You gotta see the Giorgio's Restaurant
float before she sets sail.
Check it out.
[DUSTY] Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Hey, what do you think?
Pretty eye-catching stuff, yeah?
I can honestly say it's the most
horrific sight I've ever beheld.
- It's me.
I got that.
And are we married to the mannequins?
Oh, the mannequins were my idea.
I got them at a
going-out-of-business sale
for a store called Daddy Longlegs,
which specialized in clothes for men
with short torsos and
extremely long legs.
Yeah, I thought I could
stick them in my windows
and they'd scare away intruders,
but then I kept forgetting
where I'd put them
and then they'd just terrify me.
Which makes them a
wonderful idea for a parade.
You think we should strike them, Big D?
I do. I think you should
strike them physically.
I mean, they're evil.
You know what? May
Maybe Dusty's right.
We're already singing our Latchkey
Ladz song on top of the float.
Maybe there's just a lot going on.
I can't wait to see that.
You'll be like the queen
of the spaghetti pile.
Yeah, well, you know, marketing
Giorgio's is part of my job.
[LAUGHS] So yeah, I think
it'll get people talking.
[LAUGHS] Yeah. It's gonna be
unforgettable, one way or another.
All right. We're striking
the mannequins, Big Dog.
- Good idea.
- [GIORGIO] I need your help.
They're unwieldy. Help me wield them.
Hey. Let's go work on the number.
I think we got the hip
thrusts close to perfect.
- Yes. Yes. Let's do that. [SIGHS]
- Right? Okay.
Are you in a lot of pain?
No, it actually doesn't hurt at all.
As long as I don't move it, or touch it.
[JACOB] Dad, remember Dr. Woods, right?
She's a doctor, and you
asked her out on a date,
but she had an emergency
and couldn't make it,
but then you never asked
her out again? Remember?
I thought you were gonna
call me a cab, Jacob.
There's no need for Dr. Woods
to take time out of her
busy schedule for this.
Oh, it wasn't an issue at all.
I was just in surgery.
Oh, seriously?
P-Please tell me you didn't
just leave the person.
Oh, no, no. [CHUCKLES] Gosh, no.
I was in surgery.
Just an ingrown toenail.
I can go back anytime.
- Anyhoo, let's take a look at that wrist.
- [SIGHS] Ow.
It's funny. I finished my
full figure skating routine
- without falling down once.
- Mmm.
But then a bad patch of ice
took me down in the end.
They should fire that Zamboni driver.
Funny and good at skating?
- That's a rare combination. [CHUCKLES]
- Is it?
- Anyway, I don't think it's broken.
Although, if it were,
you'd recover quickly
because you're quite strong
from what I can see.
That's good to know,
because if I did need a cast,
I'd have to get one from
a doctor who's less
- physically distracting
- Okay, we're good to go, yeah?
Dad, we'll meet you at Deercoming, okay?
Okay, son.
Does it hurt if I touch you there?
Well, that's my pec.
I didn't fall on that.
So that feels fine.
Big D, I feel like I'm doing most
of the heavy lifting here, bro.
If they're too heavy
for you, it's all good.
[GROANS] No, they're not too
heavy. They're just awkward.
You just gotta find the
center of gravity, Big Dog.
Like, try grabbing it
through the crotch.
Yeah, yeah. You know what?
I think that this might be too heavy.
And I just remembered there's,
um, something I need to do.
So I'm gonna have to leave this oblong
monstrosity here for a minute.
Wait, what? What could possibly
be more important than this?
It's just a school matter that
requires some attention.
Wait, is this about Alice?
- Have you told her that it's over?
- Yes.
Yes, but I just need to
ask her one more thing.
No way, bro. You're
back with Cassie now.
We already sang the song for you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna go
and talk to her for a minute.
Not on my watch, bro.
Let me pass, Giorgio.
I'm not gonna let you pass, D.
No, stop, D. Stop.
- Giorgio, stop it. Stop it.
- No. No.
Don't bash the mannequin, D.
- Come on, man! Don't
- Can't make it any worse!
Stop. No.
Get Nat's haunted sex
doll out of my face.
- Do not call it that, D!
- I will break its little head!
No, I'm not gonna let
you talk to her, dog.
I was in her vision.
- Wait, for real?
- Yes.
- What were you doing?
- I don't know. She wouldn't tell me.
That's what I wanna talk to her about.
Look, I'm trying to get back
to normal with Cass,
but something is lingering.
Maybe there was something there.
Or something growing there.
Maybe there were things that I was
missing with Cass all this time,
and I didn't even realize
I was missing them.
Like what? Be specific.
[STAMMERS, SIGHS] I don't know.
With Alice, it's easy.
You know, when we're together,
we laugh all the time,
and she can be spontaneous.
And I like the version of myself
I was becoming with her.
But that would fade. I realize that.
I'm not It's not a good
comparison, because it's new.
I know that, and I realize that
I should just walk away.
- Except
- You were in her vision.
Which is strange, because
most of the visions are, like,
stuff from people's
past or their present.
But you and Alice didn't even know
each other when you were in hers,
so it's kind of like a
vision from the future.
That is a surprisingly cogent thought.
But what does it mean?
I don't know, bro.
But if I were you, I'd wanna find out.
[BOTH] I I ♪
- Okay.
- Okay, here we go.
- Five, six, seven
- Five, six, seven, eight
[BOTH] I've been
standing in the queue ♪
I don't know what to do ♪
I don't know what to
do without your love ♪
- [LAUGHS] Okay.
- [LAUGHS] That was so good!
Okay, and then and then we'll say,
"At Giorgio's, you never have
to stand in the queue
- because we serve you right away!"
- We serve you [MUMBLING]
Yes. That's so perfect and so true.
- I don't I don't know. [INHALES DEEPLY]
- What?
Oh, my God, my mom's gonna be there.
She's gonna rip this to shreds.
- Who gives a flying poop?
When's the last time you
even talked to your mom?
- [SIGHS] It's been a while.
- Yeah, exactly.
Because you cut her off
which is so, so healthy.
So why are you still doubting yourself?
I don't know.
I mean, Dusty said that thing, like,
"Wow, you're gonna be
the queen of spaghetti."
- Ugh.
- Like, what?
- This is what "Royalty" means?
- Oh, just ignore him.
But I can't.
I don't.
Like, I know it's just a joke [SIGHS]
but there are so many jokes.
[SIGHS] Yeah.
It's, like, whenever I am
excited about something
big or small, it doesn't matter
he just has to make a snarky
little remark about it.
Whether it's the song, or or
me getting a job at Giorgio's,
- or or the Potential Fund, or
- Or Storytellers.
Or Storytellers. Right.
And they add up.
After years and years
of being with someone,
they just add up.
And yeah, I cut off my mom,
but there is that second
part to my vision too.
And no matter how
hard I try to ignore it,
there's a second voice in my head.
Sometimes it just makes
me feel so small.
And does that voice
have an Irish accent?
[DUSTY] Alice. Alice, we need to talk.
Okay, well, I'm rehearsing
right now, so
Is that your hat?
Is the hat that I'm wearing my hat? Yes.
I mean, is that what
you wanna talk about?
No, no. I-I-I need to know
what happened in your vision.
- Dusty
- Then, I promise, I'll leave you alone.
Okay, come.
I mean, I already told you.
It-It was me floating through
the air, going with the flow.
Yeah, but where do I fit in?
[SIGHS] Okay.
At the beginning, I was standing
in a plane, too scared to jump.
And you were on the plane with me.
How did you know it was me?
it looked just like you.
And because you gave me your,
uh, camo scooter helmet.
Put it on, and you gently
pushed me out of the plane.
You gave me the push
that I needed to jump.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, so, I don't
know, it made me feel like you
You know, the real you are gonna
help me somehow, you know.
Which is why I was so
aggressive in pursuing you.
It's why I chased you down the hall
after hearing about your selfploration.
Right. But now, twice in a row,
the MORPHO machine has fucked me up.
You know, it said my potential
was "Cellist." [CHUCKLES]
A dream I gave up.
And my vision was you. [SCOFFS]
Something I can't have.
And I don't even know why
you were in my vision,
because clearly, I'm not in yours.
- What?
I think maybe there was
someone else in my vision.
I mean, at the time, it went by so fast,
but I think there was
someone next to the ski jump.
I don't know. I don't know
if it was actually you,
or if I'm just putting you there now
as a way to justify my feelings for you.
And of course this was before
my fucking reading glasses.
And what if it was you?
What would that even mean?
Why can't the machine
be more fucking specific?
And why can't we see our
visions more than once?
[SIGHS] I've I've told you all
I know, Dusty. [CHUCKLES]
Good luck.
Mr. Johnson, I need to use the machine.
The MORPHO? Do you have another card?
- Who says I need another card?
- [STAMMERS] The machine does.
- That's who.
- Yeah, well, last time it said
that it needed our
social security numbers
and our fucking fingerprints.
And that wasn't true, was it?
[STAMMERS] Maybe not, but
that doesn't mean that you
It said "continue," okay?
After my vision, after everybody's
vision, it said "continue."
So, there must be a way to continue.
There must be a next, next stage.
[DUSTY] All right, MORPHO,
we would like to continue, please.
We have enjoyed your
vague little cartoons,
but now we'd like to
move on with our lives.
So, if you could be so kind as to give
us some fucking answers here
- Dusty, please.
- Can you hear me?
Can you hear me, MORPHO?
We'd like to move on now, please,
you dumb fucking machine.
- You jumped-up fucking fortune cookie!
[DUSTY] What?
What guide?
Oh, Dusty, what have you done?
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