The Boondocks s01e13 Episode Script

? I am the stone The builder refused ? ? I am the visual The inspiration ? ? That made lady Sing the blues ? ? I'm the spark That makes your idea bright ? ? The same spark That lights the dark ? ? So that you can know Left from right ? ? I am the ballot in your box The bullet in the gun ? ? The inner glow That lets you know ? ? To call your brother sun ? ? The story that just begun ? ? The promise Of what's to come ? ? And I'm-a remain a soldier ? ? Till the war is won Won ? ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? ? Chop, chop, chop Judo flip ? ? Chop, chop, chop ? Oh, um, Granddad, there was something I was supposed to tell you.
Uh, yeah.
I think that, uh, Aunt Cookie called, and I think it was important.
What-? Did you write it down? Nah.
But it was somethin' about this dude named Mo.
Mo? You mean Mo Jackson? Yeah, yeah.
That's him.
Uh, I think it was something about Oh, oh, wait.
I remember now.
Yeah.
Something about him dying or something.
Mo's dead? Yeah.
I think so.
Something like that.
Oh, well.
I'm not really sure.
You should probably call her back.
Well, how long ago did she call? I don't know.
Few days ago.
Well, how did it happen? Well, you know Mo.
He took them pills that, you know, help y'all.
So anyway, you know how they say if your erection lasts more than four hours, you have to seek immediate medical attention? Four to six.
He didn't.
Oh.
Lord, Robert, the man's dead.
Can't you let it go? I can let it go now, 'cause he's dead, and I'm not.
? Ol' Mo's dead Dead, dead, dead? ? Mo's dead? You two are just the same.
Whoo! Stubborn dumb-asses.
The funeral's the day after tomorrow, Robert, and you have to come.
Mo left you something in his will.
He did? It's complicated.
Robert, how are the boys? I hate 'em both.
Bye.
Boys, we're going home.
You wanna come over to my house tomorrow after school and watch TV? No.
Do you wanna come over and play video games? No.
Do you wanna come over and have a jump-rope contest? I'm going back home to Chicago.
For good? No, I wish.
We're going for a funeral, one of my granddad's old friends.
But I'm gonna get to see my best friend, Cairo.
Cairo is your best friend? Yeah, but I haven't talked to him since I moved.
How can he be your best friend if you never talk to him? I don't think I have a best friend.
Hm.
Sucks for you.
Well, if I never come back, have a nice life.
Bye.
Oh, I used to love to fly.
Your granddaddy was the best Negro pilot of the war.
Mo was my wingman, called himself Mo Gunz.
How would you like to hear a little story about World War II? All right, Mo, we're five minutes from target.
We got bandits in the area.
Look sharp.
I'm gonna bin 'em and spin 'em and go up in 'em.
Bullshit ain't nothing but chewed-up grass.
Just a big black ball that comes out of a cow's ass.
Hey, Robert? Robert! Hey, don't ignore me, nigga.
You hear me talkin' to you.
What nigga you know got enough heart to fly in the middle over Nazi Germany with a white woman on his plane, huh? Who do you know would do some shit like that? Mo Gunz, that's who.
Mo, I'm trying to concentrate.
And I dare one of these crackers to say somethin'.
Shit.
I woke up this mornin' wantin' to shoot me a white man.
Bandits.
Two of them coming right at us.
Look alive, Mo.
Aw, shit.
Here we go.
Two-on-two, some real combat shit.
Do they know who they fuckin' with? This is Mo Gunz, all-pro, all-state.
You know what I'm saying? Apollo legend.
I'mmm the shit.
Hey, Robert, two bucks say I save your ass this fight.
Two bucks, nigga.
Come on.
Where you at with it? What? Two bucks.
You save me, I'll give your ass two bucks.
Two bucks? Still owe me $5.
Come on, Robert, man.
Man-up, Robert.
Mo, will you focus? I'm focused on gettin' your $2, nigga.
We ain't got a lot of time.
All right, all right, two bucks.
You can't hit that plane.
Look at you.
Ha-ha-ha! He makin' you look stupid.
Damn, Robert.
You just missed him again.
You couldn't hit the ground with a turd, nigga.
What's takin' you so long, baby? You need some help.
Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha! Damn it, Mo.
I got this.
That's one thing I can say: You are terrible.
Will you please shut the fuck up? I'm glad I'm not you.
I'm glad I'm me.
Look at him flip.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You think you bad? You think you gonna get some bitches off of that? You think you gonna get some airplane pussy? Lordy-Lordy-Lord.
Mo, I need help.
Mo, he's on my tail.
Where you at? I thought you said you had him.
I'm not playin' around! Hurry up and save me! You realize, if I save you, you done lost the bet, huh, nigga? This ain't funny, Mo.
Mo, this is not funny.
This is not amusing.
Boy, you better stop rushin' me.
Lower your fuckin' voice.
You actin' like a little bitch right now.
I am about to die.
What is wrong with you? Get ready, Jebediah.
You gonna tell your grandkids about this one.
Mo, stop! Mo, stop it, stop it! You're shootin' me! Oh, my God.
He's not even lookin'.
He's incredible.
Damn it, you're shootin' me! Yeah, he's runnin' away.
He's runnin' away, bitch.
Mo Gunz, with a save, nigga! Oh.
Damn.
I think you got hit.
Oh, that was cool, man.
We did it.
Yargh! Hey! You did great, man.
You did a good job.
You're doin' good, man.
Now, you knows you still owe me them two bucks, right? Can you believe that? You know what two bucks could have bought in 1944? Wait.
What was the question? You asked if we wanted to hear a really long story, and we said no.
Granddad, you don't seem very sad about losing your friend.
When you get older, you're gonna realize that your friends, well, they aren't always as loyal as you want them to be.
Cairo's always been pretty loyal.
Yeah, well, things change.
Mo did something terrible to me.
Something I couldn't forgive.
Whoo! There's my dumb-ass.
? I got that thugin' luv? ? Nigga ? It's good to be home.
Yo, Cairo.
What's up, man? I've been hittin' you up.
Yeah, you know, been busy.
So, what's up? "What's up?" Heh.
Struggle is up, brother.
Oppression is up, brother.
Salami, eggs and bacon.
My name is Dewey Obababa Ooooo Mamasay Mamasaw Mamakusa Jenkins.
Nigga, what? Ohhh! This must be the famous revolutionary Huey Freeman.
Isn't this the brother who used to be your homeboy, but then he ran away to- What was that? -Whitecrest? Uh, Woodcrest.
Whitecrest? Nah, nah, I didn't run Yeah, whatever.
So, brother, where your poems at? Huh? How you gonna call yourself a revolutionary, and you ain't got no poems? If you were really down with the struggle, you'd have your sandals and capris on, brother.
Where your head wrap? Where your sandals? Where your capri pants? What's goin' on? First of all, Mr.
Freeman, I'd like to say I'm sorry about the loss of your friend.
Oh, the hell with his punk-ass.
What did he leave me? Mo left a message for you.
Robert, what's up, man? Now, listen.
I miss you, man.
And I've got something that I want you to have that I'm leavin' for you.
Something to just, you know, apologize for all of the bad blood.
Now, I can't tell you what it is 'cause it's a secret, but I want you to do me a favor.
I want you to deliver my eulogy.
What? Now- Now, Robert, listen.
Has this nigga lost his mind? Sit down.
Now, come on, Robert, now- You know I always wanted to have a nice funeral with bitches cryin', throwin' money and shit all in my casket.
And you remember that when that one guy died in the squad, and you went up there and got up on the thing, and said some ol' deep shit? Made it- I forget what it was that you had said, but I want you for my funeral.
We've been trying to reach you for some time, Mr.
Freeman.
I know.
I didn't wanna talk to him.
Robert, you need to go on and let it go.
Come on, man, dyin' wish.
How you gonna turn a nigga's dying wish down? Now, look, you's- Boy, you's a hard motherfucker.
You're a cold piece of work, nigga.
You something else.
Just a few nice words? Mo loved the club.
So it was no surprise when he requested his service be held on a party boat.
Robert? Ooh, I can't believe it's you.
It's Maybeline.
I ain't seen you in 40 years.
Ooh, my goodness! Oh.
Oh! You don't remember me.
Oh, I see.
Oh, I ain't good enough for you now you done moved out the neighborhood, huh? Why, I bet you if I was a white bitch, you'd remember me! But I forgives you.
Oh, but look at you, Robert.
Ooh, you looks good, all wrinkled up and soft.
Oh, if I didn't have this bad hip, I'd drop it like it's hot.
Whoo! Ooh, boy.
Ooh.
I'd take off these teeth, and I'd do some things that- Ooh, yeah! Oh, I wanna scream.
Scream- Wah! Hey.
Hey.
Is everything all right, man? Well if it isn't the Hilton brothers.
Hilton brothers.
Hilton brothers.
Ooh Cairo took it pretty hard when you left, Huey.
You gonna have to give that some time.
Ah, fuck that nigga.
Mo had to be the best colored fighter pilot of the war.
Wasn't he, Robert? Of the war? Shoot.
Ever.
I was the best colored fighter pilot of the war.
Wasn't Mo the one who flew that top-secret mission in Germany that saved the whole world? I did that.
I flew that secret mission.
Speak up, Robert! That was Mo, right? Mm-hm.
That was Mo.
But- But- But- But that was me.
That was me.
Me.
Nah-uh.
That was Mo.
Why are you always swinging on Mo's balls-? This is my medal.
It's got my name on it.
How did he even get this? Speak up, Robert.
We can't hear a word you're sayin'.
I hate Mo.
Hey.
Robert, hey.
I heard you're gonna be deliverin' the eulogy.
I think that's mighty nice of you.
I know you and Mo had some bad blood.
Well, what's in the past is in the past.
Uh, yeah.
I remember how Mo would talk about how he couldn't stand your black ass.
Whoo, ha! I remember it like it was last week.
Matter of fact, I think it was last week.
Last week? Oh, man.
You should've heard him, Robert.
He was on a roll.
You was all kind of bitches and motherfuckers.
Oh, man.
He was like Chappelle or somethin'.
He called me a motherfucker? He said that last week? Sure did.
I think it was Tuesday, about 1:48 p.
m.
Well, ain't this a bitch.
And what surprised me was how you bein' all kind of motherfuckers really didn't have nothin' to do with the damn conversation.
What was we talkin' about? Soybeans.
Whoo! You a bigger man than me.
I don't think I could talk nice about somebody say that type of stuff about me or my mama.
Hm.
I am not the one.
I can't believe I let Mo talk me into this.
Well, you already here.
He said he left you something nice.
You might as well go on and get it over with.
Do you know what you gonna say? No.
Well, don't worry.
Just read this.
Mo wrote it.
He thought you might have some trouble.
"Everything I have in life, I owe to Mo Jackson.
" "I'm not gay, but Mo was a very sexy man"? "We used to call him 'Mo Bitches'"? "I once saw Mo in his underwear, and it changed my life"? "I wish I had a father like Mo Jackson.
" "Mo Jackson paid my rent over 50 times"? Okay, this is bullshit.
Mo Jackson was a asshole.
My God.
Mo Jackson was a petty, immature, selfish man.
Oh, he was good at one thing.
That's bringin' the worst out of everybody he met.
I came up here because I thought Mo wanted to make things right, but it was just one more chance for him to make a fool outta me.
Yeah! And that nigga owe me $5.
He owe me money too.
Brothers and sisters, please.
I think it's time for a poem.
Doom comes like a vacuum Because death sucks and smells Like a raccoon or a baboon I'll never forget it.
I was on my way to see the gal I was courtin' at the time.
I can't remember her name.
Oh, but I loved her.
She was the prettiest thing.
? I've been driftin' around Uptown ? Do the little something strange for a piece of change.
Shit.
Goddamn.
Ooh.
I love to hit this again.
Oh, shit.
I just couldn't forgive him.
Robert, that girl wasn't your girlfriend.
You asked her for her phone number once and never called.
I was gonna call.
What's-her-name could've been the one.
And Mo took that from me.
Robert, you wanna see what Mo took from you? It's Maybeline, nyukka! Death kills us Like crack killed Pookie Like Schwarzenegger Killed Tookie Chewbacca was a Wookiee Revolution Boooo! Hey, Erykah Ba-Dewey.
That was real gay, my nigga.
Cut that out.
Shut up, Riley.
What's wrong with you, Cairo? That nigga's corny.
Corny? Nigga, you're corny.
At least he's here.
Why don't you go follow your punk-ass granddad back to Whitesville, fake nigga? Hmm.
Eh Don't run, nigga.
I see you.
Oh, my God.
Get off Oh, my God.
I don't remember her lookin' like that.
Y'all had pretty bad taste back then.
Robert, everybody knew Mo was an asshole, but he wasn't the one who threw your friendship away.
You did, dumb-ass.
What have I done? I threw away all that time for nothing.
Boys, stop that.
Get off me.
Man, why'd you even come back? Ain't nobody miss you.
Let me go.
What's Robert doin' now? I got to hear this.
Here's the thing.
Relationships are like people, I guess.
They begin, they have adventures, they grow old, and they die.
Me and Mo both made it to old age, but we let our friendship die way too young.
And that was really stupid of us.
Mo thought I was good at saying deep things, but I'm not.
Huey, say something deep.
Huh? I ain't got all day, boy.
Be deep.
Your pain Is the breakin' of the shell That encloses Your understanding It is the bitter potion By which The physician within you Heals your sick self Therefore, trust the physician And drink his remedy In silence and tranquility Kahlil Gibran.
Didn't rhyme.
Thanks for bein' the bigger man, Mo.
Oh, Robert.
I knew you could do it, man.
I bet it was so beautiful, you probably had niggas cryin' and bitches in clean Cadillacs all outside the church and shit.
Well, I got somethin' here to give you that's very near and dear to me, player pimp.
Deez nuts, nigga! Got you, nigga! From beyond the grave.
You will never be able to get me back, nigga.
I'm sorry.
Ow! Being the bigger man is overrated.
You got knocked the f Never mind.
You came back! Did you miss me? Maybe.
I bet you did.
Because I don't head-butt you in the face like your other so-called friends.
Wait, come back.
Let me look at it.