The Boondocks s03e02 Episode Script
Bitches to Rags
Ooh, oh, my glasses.
Hey! Dorothy! I'm coming, baby! I'm coming! You're not taking Dorothy! Then you should have paid your car note [bleep.]
hole! That car has been paid for since 1975! Wait, wait.
Is this 324 timid deer lane? Hell no! This is 327! That's 324! I got way too many cars in my driveway I'm rich nigga, I'm paid I'm rich I got way too many cars in my driveway I'm rich I got boats, I got planes nigga, I'm paid I'm rich Damn.
What now? Phew! Ha, ha, what up, little man? What up? You bring that extra controller? Yep! That's what's up.
Come on in, nigga.
Hey, man, apologize to your granddad for me about that little mix-up earlier.
I been waiting to get rid of that piece of [bleep.]
car, anyway.
You know, 'cause I called them, right, and I was like, "look, y'all need to come get this mother [bleep.]
out of here," all right, 'cause I don't want this piece of [bleep.]
no more.
"I'm about to cop the new [bleep.]
nigga.
" You know what I mean? Oh, okay.
So everything's okay? "Okay"?! Nigga, everything is better than okay -- it's thugnificent! You just wait to see the moves your boy is making.
You know what I'm saying? Federal reserve calling me for loans, Obama and [bleep.]
You know what I'm saying? Nigga, you need some money? Man, who the [bleep.]
is this calling me? What up, nigga! Oh, nigga, stop beating around the bush.
How much you need? $2 billion? I'm giving you eight.
And don't pay me back, nigga.
You good.
All right.
My nigga.
Uh Let's just turn the game on.
Watch me, watch me do it Oh, yo! It's sergeant Gutta! Turn it up, man! Turn it up! Oh, man! Not this mother [bleep.]
again! I swear to God every time I turn the TV on I see this nigga! Crank DAT, crank DAT artichoke sergeant Gutta do DAT dance watch me, watch me do it so, is this it? Is this what the kids like? This what's hot in the streets, Riley? Well, he sold over a million records, and he do have the number one song in the country, and he got a dance.
Crank crank DAT artichoke is that what it takes for a nigga to go platinum nowadays, a dance? Man, anybody can make up a dance! Crank DAT, crank DAT artichoke yeah, artichoke Man, you look crazy.
You ain't got to make up no I ain't gonna lie, though.
I kind of mess with it.
Why me, why me do that dance? I mean, but your stuff is good, too.
Man, you just wait till my new album drops.
All y'all niggas gonna see I still got the game on smash! Hey, you want to hear some tracks? I'm a magnificent thug I am thugnificent WowSo, you doing the robot effect on your voice.
Yeah, it's that auto-tuner, son.
It lets you sing, even if you can't sing! It's terrible in terrabelle that's where I'm from it's terrible in terrabelle Wow.
So you used it on this one, too.
Yep.
Every song on the whole Cd.
Hot, right? Heh, yeah.
I thought flonominal was supposed to be back this week.
Man, that nigga, man.
You know he went and got a job? A what?! I know, nigga.
That's what I said, "a job?!" Can you believe this nigga? Nigga talking about he need health insurance and [bleep.]
I'm like, "damn, nigga.
Pull down your skirt.
"Take the dick out your ass.
" Niggas acting like little bitches, man.
And this nigga macktastic -- this nigga went back to pimping and [bleep.]
Yo, it's funny how niggas change on you, man.
So you're here all by yourself? Yeah, just me.
Hey, what's up, y'all? I just got back from work.
Hey, y'all hungry? Oh, andLeonard.
Oh, man! My frosty is melted! Damn it, Leonard! What the [bleep.]
nigga?! Did you take the long way home again?! It took longer 'cause I had to ride my bike since the car had got -- uh Never mind, man.
[bleep.]
it! Should I tell you what happened to the car, again, or you remember? I said never mind, man! Damn! Okay, we're back.
This is deejay Vlad, and I told you we have a very, very special guest in the studio this morning.
This man right here is a legend of the game, a pioneer, if you will.
Give him respect -- thugnificent! What up, everybody? Man, what an honor.
How are you, man? Who, me? Oh, you know, I'm thugnificent! What's it like for you older cats now in the game, in terms of, you know, where you fit in musically? I mean, what was it like, you know, when you were at your peak, so to speak -- which was so long ago? I'm saying, I mean, my first joint only came out, like, four years ago.
You know that, right? I know.
Seems like 40, doesn't it? Now, the new Cd drops next week, right? No doubt, no doubt.
The Cd is crazy.
It's on fire.
It's got something for everybody.
You know what I'm saying? It's got joints for the streets, it's got joints for the ladies, it's got joints for the ladies in the streets.
You know what I'm saying? The Cd is called, "mo' bitches, mo' problems.
" You know what I'm saying? So go cop that.
Shout out to b.
I.
G.
-- Real hip-hop, you feel me? B.
I.
G.
! Whew! Talk about old-school! All right, so, thugnificent, who you feeling out there in the game right now? What are you banging in your trunk right now? Okay, okay, you know, I'm definitely feeling a lot of cats in the game right now.
You know what I'm saying? I'm feeling my main man, uh, young cow tipper, uh, joc daddy pimp, Lil' hob nobba, goo goo DA bone mouf, little rich, ezbot and rose.
Willie whistle work c, uh, my main man trick money smitty, little fanta -- putting in his work, look out for his mix tape -- uh, pew boi pimp, nasty murda trae, epis green, lil' big dolla, snowbunny Sampson.
Um, I'm feeling a lot of cats right now.
You know what I'm saying? Lot of people doing they thing.
Now, what about sergeant gutta? Man[bleep.]
Sergeant Gutta! That nigga can eat a dick! Oh! What?! What?! What?! Dang! Hold on, hold on.
Everyone, quiet down.
Quiet down.
Wow.
I just want to make sure I heard you correctly.
I said [bleep.]
that nigga! I ain't -- I ain't really the type of nigga to be, you know, all on the radio running his mouth, starting beef and -- and all that.
You know what I'm saying? But I'm just saying that [bleep.]
Sound like some bull [bleep.]
And that retarded dance, man.
See, that's what you get when you let 13-year-olds rap.
How old -- h-h-how old -- how old is that nigga? That nigga 15 years old.
Yo, well, he sound like he 15 months old! That nigga sound like he got a nipple in his mouth.
Hey, sergeant gutta, I got an idea -- why don't you take your mama's mother [bleep.]
titty out your mouth so you can rap, nigga? Thugnificent's cd dropped the next week.
Soundscan say he ain't sold [bleep.]
Thugnificent was all [bleep.]
up.
Yo, it's thugnificent.
You know -- you know what? Matter of fact, it ain't you know why? Because I ain't feeling too thugnificent right now.
This otis.
That's right, y'all niggas getting the government name.
It's otis Jenkins, and I got to holla at y'all real quick about why y'all ain't coming out to support your boy.
Y'all ain't supporting thugnificent, and I think that's real [bleep.]
up.
All y'all niggas can eat a dick.
All y'all mother [bleep.]
on my friends list -- I'm talking about Facebook niggas, as well as MySpace, if y'all ain't buying the cd, don't [bleep.]
Holla at me online -- no friend requests, nothing.
Y'all send me stupid [bleep.]
Messages all day but won't pay for my damn song?! I hate y'all, niggas, man.
"Hey, hey, thugnificent, is it -- Is it 'booty-butt cheeks' or is it 'move 'dem butt cheeks'?" Nigga, who gives a [bleep.]
It's a song about butt cheeks! Well, why ain't I getting no spins?! No, no, no, it's your job to make sure it gets played on the radio, not -- say what?! You want to drop me? You want to drop thugnifi-- hello? Damn! Damn! Damn!! Everything okay? Huh? Oh, yeah, little man.
Everything's cool.
Just time to make some bigger moves -- that's all.
You know what I'm saying? That's all.
Hey, what's up, y'all? Hey, man, I got a surprise for you.
I seen that video you put on your MySpace, you know the one how they don't be buying your cd and stuff, right? Well, here.
I got them today after work.
I spent my whole check, but I wanted you to know I support you, man.
See that? Look at them.
What the [bleep.]
do I need several copies of my own cd for, Leonard?! Come on, man, we can't afford for you just to be throwing money away! I didn't throw it away! I-I bought the -- you didn't -- And that reminds me, man.
I don't know what we gonna do, but I don't think I can keep supporting us off my Wendy's checks.
Oh, here we go! What you trying to say, Leonard? Huh? How long did I carry you, nigga? How long did I pay the bills in this mother [bleep.]
that you living in? See how niggas forget? You see? You see how niggas forget?! Naw, naw, thugnificent.
It's that I only make like $7.
50 a hour, and the mortgage on this place is like $12,000 a month! So I did the math, and that means I'd have to work like 82 hours a day! So I went in, asked the manager for some overtime, and he said he couldn't do it 'cause it's against company policy.
"You just started here.
Who you think you are? Be lucky with the hours that you get.
Cindy's pregnant, and she has to work.
" And I was like, "but Cindy --" so I tried to figure that maybe i could work two jobs at the same time.
So I was like maybe I could be on the phone, doing some tele and marketing and work on, like, some art and sell art out of the back of Wendy's.
Oh, man! Why me?! I did everything I was supposed to do! I used that stupid [bleep.]
Auto-tuner on my voice.
I instigated a rap beef! And I even tried to make a dance, nigga! Nothing seems to work! UmThugnificent? Response to you on Youtube.
Hey, dawg.
First off, I want to say that i'm a huge fan of thugnificent.
I grew up listening to thugnificent.
Matter of fact, I'd even go ahead as far to say that I love this nigga -- no homo.
He is one of the real niggas that made me want to do this But [bleep.]
this old-ass nigga! This old nigga is old enough to be my dad, and he telling me to eat a dick? Nigga, what's wrong with you? You a grown-ass man, and you telling a 15-year-old to eat a dick?! I know your mother raised you better than that, dawg.
Matter fact Excuse me -- is this miss Jenkins? Yes, it is.
My name is sergeant gutta.
And I don't know if you aware, but your son said some very rude things about me on the radio.
He said some very rude things.
He's too old to be acting like that, and I know I don't like him using that language, either.
You know I one time -- that was your mama, nigga -- your mama! Grow your old ass up, nigga! I hope you go broke, you feel me? I hope that the I.
R.
S.
Is on their way over right now to take your [bleep.]
nigga.
I believe this is the gentleman you're looking for.
Otis Jenkins? We're here from the internal revenue service.
Toodles! Damn! Damn! Damn! I makes it rain, nigga how much you owe? Man, them mother [bleep.]
want me to pay a $120,000 in the next six weeks or they gonna take my house.
Look, I told you what you need to do.
I know man, but I'm saying -- a job? I mean, wasn't that the point of us being rappers, so we wouldn't have to get a job? Given up so easily.
If you and mack were still here -- otis, it's over.
We were lucky, man.
We had a great time, we got to be rock stars and see some [bleep.]
that most people never get to see.
But it's over.
You got a degree, nigga.
You got options.
That's more than most people.
I can get you in the door, man.
Think about it.
I makes it rain, nigga okay, Mr.
otis Jenkins.
Says here you have a bachelor's degree in communications.
Yeah, but, uh, I don't normally go by my government name.
So you can just call me thugnificent.
I can call you "thugnificent"? You never heard my music? I thought flo would have told you.
We both rappers in the lethal interjection crew.
By "flo," you mean Derrick? No, he didn't mention that.
Rappers, you say? Oh, yeah, we did a song called "[bleep.]
Granddad," uh, about [bleep.]
up old people.
We did a song called "stomp 'em in the nuts" which was, ironically, about stomping niggas in the nuts, you know, real [bleep.]
Funny, Derrick neglected to mention this on his résumé.
Yeah, music is in our blood, man.
That's what we do, you know? We just in a transitional period with our career right now, so anything we do now would just be temporary.
Derrick, too, I presume? Hell yeah, flo is my nigga.
As soon as I'm back on, he's back on, you know? Pow! We out of here! Good to know.
Hey, flo, hey, I didn't know that he didn't know.
Flo, come on, man.
Don't be like that! Flo! I didn't know, flo! I love you, man! No homo! Man, I don't know what we gonna do.
We all knew it was gonna come to this.
Is that what I think it is? What's wrong -- you ain't never seen no yayo, nigga? Figure out what this is.
That's real cocaine, nigga! Hmm.
Where did you get it? Nigga, don't worry about where I got it! I got my connects.
Ed the third.
So what are you doing with it? "So, what are you doing with it?" We gonna cook it up, slang it on them streets, and get paid, nigga! I mean, how hard can it be? I think there's some rap songs that tell you how to do it.
You got to have a taster pull the water from the oil get a Turkey baster also, that baking soda will help you stretch that okay, he said something about baking soda.
This [bleep.]
don't actually tell you how to make it, though.
Oh, what the hell.
Let's check Wikipedia.
Customers all night just make sure it's got a little complexion metaphor the great find me serving in the smoking section I'll show you how to cook that show you how to bake crack show you how to hit that block to make trap I'll show you how to cook that show you how to bake crack show you how to hit that block and make trap all day Pardon me, are you selling crack? Uh, what it look like I'm doing? Here.
Oh, lovely, lovely.
I'll take two, please.
Thank you.
Have a wonderful day.
Excuse me, man, I'm looking for some crack.
Yeah.
Got your crack right here.
Wait a minute.
You're thugnificent! Oh, my God! Uh, I don't know what you're talking about.
No, it's you.
It's definitely you! Oh, man, I love your stuff, man! What are you doing out here selling crack? I'm not thugnificent.
I'm an ordinary crack dealer.
I don't know what neither one of y'all talking about.
Can you please give me the crack? I need three of them.
Dude, what happened on your last cd? I told you I don't know what you talking about! Can y'all hold this off for a minute? A couple of the beats were okay but Auto-tuner? The auto-tune is [bleep.]
Up.
The auto-tune is terrible.
I'm not thugnificent! Get the [bleep.]
away from me! I'm serious! Excuse me, sir.
I haven't even gotten mine yet, and you bringing [bleep.]
back? I would like to return this crack.
This ain't Walmart, nigga! Ain't no return policies, no mother [bleep.]
exchanges! It is defective.
It's all burnt up, singed around the edges.
Ain't nothing wrong with this crack.
Ain't [bleep.]
happening with my crack.
You not good at this, 'cause my crack dealer's a lot faster.
Are you gonna be here for a while? I'd like to go get my cousin.
Don't go get your -- huh? No, wait! There is no reason to be rude! I paid good money for this crack, and it is all burnt up! See, I told you! See? Sir, you're not even looking.
Oh, my God, it is thugnificent.
I can't believe it.
Can I take your picture? No! Don't you -- ni-- don't you see I'm selling crack?! I was supposed to pick up my daughter from school eight hours ago.
If you don't give me some new crack or a refund, I, sir, will take my business elsewhere! Will you mother [bleep.]
Get away from me?! Man, Leonard, who do I know that still does cocaine? Think, think, think.
Oh! Yo, Steve! Steve from hollow point records! Yo, I -- that nigga does cocaine, and he got a lot of paper.
Hey, yo, Steve, uh, it's your boy otis! Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
Um, look, I got some stuff you, uh, might be interested in.
Uh, no doubt, no doubt.
Yo, yeah, just, uh, tell me when and where! You know what I'm saying? I'll be there, nigga! So you know this guy, and he definitely got the money? Hell yeah.
The nigga runs the label I almost signed with.
But don't be trying no dumb Man, 'cause Steve's a little crazy.
No, he better not be trying no dumb [bleep.]
'cause I'm a little crazy.
You here to see Steve? The [bleep.]
you think? Come on in.
Otis, what's popping? Glad you could make it, man.
Yo, what up, Steve? These are my friends, uh, Leonard and ed the third.
Great to meet you.
Sit down.
Anybody want anything? How you been, otis? Not too good, to be honest.
I heard you lost your deal.
I'm glad you called me.
I think people are getting sick of all of it, you know? You, sergeant gutter Everything music's been for the last decade.
It's a new era now.
People want something more.
Yeah, you probably right.
But I believe in you, otis.
Always have.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
Now, let's get down to business.
You got something for me? That's about a key -- maybe a eight ball short, though.
What is this, cocaine? Yeah.
I, uh, thought we were gonna discuss a record deal, not a drug deal.
Huh? You said you had something I might be interested in, and I thought you were talking about music.
Oh, man.
I want back into the thugnificent business.
How about $150,000 advance? What? Are you serious? $150,000?! You got that kind of money? Of course I got that kind of money.
Who is this guy? Yo! I cannot believe this! Yo, I really, really appreciate this, Steve.
Yo, like, this is a miracle! I-I'm gonna -- I'm -- I'm not going to let you down, man! I promise.
Well, you still want the drugs, right? No.
Been clean for a year.
Congratulations, otis! Thank you so much for believing in me, Steve.
Really.
I-I mean, this means so much to me.
We're gonna do it right this time.
You're gonna be back on top.
I came all the way over to this mother [bleep.]
I want my money.
Yo, I thought we was coming all the way over here to do a crazy drug deal and [bleep.]
My heart was beating all fast.
It turns out that you want to give me money for a record deal! I want my money.
I got this whole new sound I been working on, too.
I really want you to hear it.
It's crazy.
This is gonna make everything in your life better, and nothing anyone can do is gonna stop it.
Nothing.
I want my mother [bleep.]
Money! Ed, what are you doing? Who cares about drugs? Steve, I'm really sorry, man.
What is this, a joke? Do you know who I am? [bleep.]
I'm ed wuncler! I brought the drugs all the way over here.
I did what I was supposed to do.
I fulfilled my mother [bleep.]
End of the bargain, and I want my [bleep.]
damn money! Hold up, not so fast, you fat mother [bleep.]
Ed, ed, no, no! Stop! M-mister Steve, I hope this doesn't affect our deal! Tell me where the safe is, or the green mile over here -- he's washed up! I think I'm having a cardiac arrest.
Mother [bleep.]
shot me! The [bleep.]
you looking at? You don't want my [bleep.]
Damn cocaine, huh? Well I'll take my [bleep.]
Elsewhere.
Boy, what on earth are you doing? You trying to get yourself killed? I don't know what to do.
Well, get a job! I tried that.
Well, try again! You don't understand, pops.
I always wanted to do this rap thing.
And then by some miracle, I actually pulled it off.
I just thought it would last longer.
It ain't over, thugnificent! I believe in you.
Like -- like -- like Ray Charles, but without the piano skills or the ability to sing or compose music.
Look, man, I-I can't do this no more.
Thanks, old man.
I know I told you to eat a lot of dicks.
But you all right with me.
I'm gonna take it down.
Take it down.
Oh, lord have mercy! He gone! He gone! Jesus, you answered my prayers.
I'm tickled as a coon on inauguration day.
I need help with these boxes.
There's a gold thugnificent.
Don't got it.
Butt cheeks Booty butt, Booty butt, Booty butt cheeks Booty-b-booty-booty-butt cheeks Wait.
I know that song.
Butt cheeks Booty butt, Booty butt, Booty butt cheeks Booty butt, Booty butt, Booty butt cheeks booty-b-booty-booty butt-cheeks What's good, little homey? Look, I get off at 5:00.
I could come through.
We can ghost-ride the company whip! How you like the new job? Man, it's some old bull But check it.
Your boy is shooting his own reality show! Word?! Yeah, nigga, you on it right now! Yo, what up, what up, what up? Young reezy aka "the fundraiser," nigga! Lethal interjection, bitch! Yeah, man, all the paper is in reality shows right now, nigga.
The music industry's dead.
I'm trying to get that flava flav money.
You know what I'm saying? That's who I'm looking at right now.
Wow, that sound like a real good plan, thugnificent.
Hey, your granddaddy home? Hey! Wake up, old nigga! Just wanted to let you know until we get this reality show money, your boy thugnificent is gonna be right here handling all your overnight shipping needs, you smell me? So ask yourself, what can all this brown thugnificence do for you, nigga?! Nigga, will you shut the hell up! Some of us pay our taxes, Mr.
"punk-ass-nificent"!
Hey! Dorothy! I'm coming, baby! I'm coming! You're not taking Dorothy! Then you should have paid your car note [bleep.]
hole! That car has been paid for since 1975! Wait, wait.
Is this 324 timid deer lane? Hell no! This is 327! That's 324! I got way too many cars in my driveway I'm rich nigga, I'm paid I'm rich I got way too many cars in my driveway I'm rich I got boats, I got planes nigga, I'm paid I'm rich Damn.
What now? Phew! Ha, ha, what up, little man? What up? You bring that extra controller? Yep! That's what's up.
Come on in, nigga.
Hey, man, apologize to your granddad for me about that little mix-up earlier.
I been waiting to get rid of that piece of [bleep.]
car, anyway.
You know, 'cause I called them, right, and I was like, "look, y'all need to come get this mother [bleep.]
out of here," all right, 'cause I don't want this piece of [bleep.]
no more.
"I'm about to cop the new [bleep.]
nigga.
" You know what I mean? Oh, okay.
So everything's okay? "Okay"?! Nigga, everything is better than okay -- it's thugnificent! You just wait to see the moves your boy is making.
You know what I'm saying? Federal reserve calling me for loans, Obama and [bleep.]
You know what I'm saying? Nigga, you need some money? Man, who the [bleep.]
is this calling me? What up, nigga! Oh, nigga, stop beating around the bush.
How much you need? $2 billion? I'm giving you eight.
And don't pay me back, nigga.
You good.
All right.
My nigga.
Uh Let's just turn the game on.
Watch me, watch me do it Oh, yo! It's sergeant Gutta! Turn it up, man! Turn it up! Oh, man! Not this mother [bleep.]
again! I swear to God every time I turn the TV on I see this nigga! Crank DAT, crank DAT artichoke sergeant Gutta do DAT dance watch me, watch me do it so, is this it? Is this what the kids like? This what's hot in the streets, Riley? Well, he sold over a million records, and he do have the number one song in the country, and he got a dance.
Crank crank DAT artichoke is that what it takes for a nigga to go platinum nowadays, a dance? Man, anybody can make up a dance! Crank DAT, crank DAT artichoke yeah, artichoke Man, you look crazy.
You ain't got to make up no I ain't gonna lie, though.
I kind of mess with it.
Why me, why me do that dance? I mean, but your stuff is good, too.
Man, you just wait till my new album drops.
All y'all niggas gonna see I still got the game on smash! Hey, you want to hear some tracks? I'm a magnificent thug I am thugnificent WowSo, you doing the robot effect on your voice.
Yeah, it's that auto-tuner, son.
It lets you sing, even if you can't sing! It's terrible in terrabelle that's where I'm from it's terrible in terrabelle Wow.
So you used it on this one, too.
Yep.
Every song on the whole Cd.
Hot, right? Heh, yeah.
I thought flonominal was supposed to be back this week.
Man, that nigga, man.
You know he went and got a job? A what?! I know, nigga.
That's what I said, "a job?!" Can you believe this nigga? Nigga talking about he need health insurance and [bleep.]
I'm like, "damn, nigga.
Pull down your skirt.
"Take the dick out your ass.
" Niggas acting like little bitches, man.
And this nigga macktastic -- this nigga went back to pimping and [bleep.]
Yo, it's funny how niggas change on you, man.
So you're here all by yourself? Yeah, just me.
Hey, what's up, y'all? I just got back from work.
Hey, y'all hungry? Oh, andLeonard.
Oh, man! My frosty is melted! Damn it, Leonard! What the [bleep.]
nigga?! Did you take the long way home again?! It took longer 'cause I had to ride my bike since the car had got -- uh Never mind, man.
[bleep.]
it! Should I tell you what happened to the car, again, or you remember? I said never mind, man! Damn! Okay, we're back.
This is deejay Vlad, and I told you we have a very, very special guest in the studio this morning.
This man right here is a legend of the game, a pioneer, if you will.
Give him respect -- thugnificent! What up, everybody? Man, what an honor.
How are you, man? Who, me? Oh, you know, I'm thugnificent! What's it like for you older cats now in the game, in terms of, you know, where you fit in musically? I mean, what was it like, you know, when you were at your peak, so to speak -- which was so long ago? I'm saying, I mean, my first joint only came out, like, four years ago.
You know that, right? I know.
Seems like 40, doesn't it? Now, the new Cd drops next week, right? No doubt, no doubt.
The Cd is crazy.
It's on fire.
It's got something for everybody.
You know what I'm saying? It's got joints for the streets, it's got joints for the ladies, it's got joints for the ladies in the streets.
You know what I'm saying? The Cd is called, "mo' bitches, mo' problems.
" You know what I'm saying? So go cop that.
Shout out to b.
I.
G.
-- Real hip-hop, you feel me? B.
I.
G.
! Whew! Talk about old-school! All right, so, thugnificent, who you feeling out there in the game right now? What are you banging in your trunk right now? Okay, okay, you know, I'm definitely feeling a lot of cats in the game right now.
You know what I'm saying? I'm feeling my main man, uh, young cow tipper, uh, joc daddy pimp, Lil' hob nobba, goo goo DA bone mouf, little rich, ezbot and rose.
Willie whistle work c, uh, my main man trick money smitty, little fanta -- putting in his work, look out for his mix tape -- uh, pew boi pimp, nasty murda trae, epis green, lil' big dolla, snowbunny Sampson.
Um, I'm feeling a lot of cats right now.
You know what I'm saying? Lot of people doing they thing.
Now, what about sergeant gutta? Man[bleep.]
Sergeant Gutta! That nigga can eat a dick! Oh! What?! What?! What?! Dang! Hold on, hold on.
Everyone, quiet down.
Quiet down.
Wow.
I just want to make sure I heard you correctly.
I said [bleep.]
that nigga! I ain't -- I ain't really the type of nigga to be, you know, all on the radio running his mouth, starting beef and -- and all that.
You know what I'm saying? But I'm just saying that [bleep.]
Sound like some bull [bleep.]
And that retarded dance, man.
See, that's what you get when you let 13-year-olds rap.
How old -- h-h-how old -- how old is that nigga? That nigga 15 years old.
Yo, well, he sound like he 15 months old! That nigga sound like he got a nipple in his mouth.
Hey, sergeant gutta, I got an idea -- why don't you take your mama's mother [bleep.]
titty out your mouth so you can rap, nigga? Thugnificent's cd dropped the next week.
Soundscan say he ain't sold [bleep.]
Thugnificent was all [bleep.]
up.
Yo, it's thugnificent.
You know -- you know what? Matter of fact, it ain't you know why? Because I ain't feeling too thugnificent right now.
This otis.
That's right, y'all niggas getting the government name.
It's otis Jenkins, and I got to holla at y'all real quick about why y'all ain't coming out to support your boy.
Y'all ain't supporting thugnificent, and I think that's real [bleep.]
up.
All y'all niggas can eat a dick.
All y'all mother [bleep.]
on my friends list -- I'm talking about Facebook niggas, as well as MySpace, if y'all ain't buying the cd, don't [bleep.]
Holla at me online -- no friend requests, nothing.
Y'all send me stupid [bleep.]
Messages all day but won't pay for my damn song?! I hate y'all, niggas, man.
"Hey, hey, thugnificent, is it -- Is it 'booty-butt cheeks' or is it 'move 'dem butt cheeks'?" Nigga, who gives a [bleep.]
It's a song about butt cheeks! Well, why ain't I getting no spins?! No, no, no, it's your job to make sure it gets played on the radio, not -- say what?! You want to drop me? You want to drop thugnifi-- hello? Damn! Damn! Damn!! Everything okay? Huh? Oh, yeah, little man.
Everything's cool.
Just time to make some bigger moves -- that's all.
You know what I'm saying? That's all.
Hey, what's up, y'all? Hey, man, I got a surprise for you.
I seen that video you put on your MySpace, you know the one how they don't be buying your cd and stuff, right? Well, here.
I got them today after work.
I spent my whole check, but I wanted you to know I support you, man.
See that? Look at them.
What the [bleep.]
do I need several copies of my own cd for, Leonard?! Come on, man, we can't afford for you just to be throwing money away! I didn't throw it away! I-I bought the -- you didn't -- And that reminds me, man.
I don't know what we gonna do, but I don't think I can keep supporting us off my Wendy's checks.
Oh, here we go! What you trying to say, Leonard? Huh? How long did I carry you, nigga? How long did I pay the bills in this mother [bleep.]
that you living in? See how niggas forget? You see? You see how niggas forget?! Naw, naw, thugnificent.
It's that I only make like $7.
50 a hour, and the mortgage on this place is like $12,000 a month! So I did the math, and that means I'd have to work like 82 hours a day! So I went in, asked the manager for some overtime, and he said he couldn't do it 'cause it's against company policy.
"You just started here.
Who you think you are? Be lucky with the hours that you get.
Cindy's pregnant, and she has to work.
" And I was like, "but Cindy --" so I tried to figure that maybe i could work two jobs at the same time.
So I was like maybe I could be on the phone, doing some tele and marketing and work on, like, some art and sell art out of the back of Wendy's.
Oh, man! Why me?! I did everything I was supposed to do! I used that stupid [bleep.]
Auto-tuner on my voice.
I instigated a rap beef! And I even tried to make a dance, nigga! Nothing seems to work! UmThugnificent? Response to you on Youtube.
Hey, dawg.
First off, I want to say that i'm a huge fan of thugnificent.
I grew up listening to thugnificent.
Matter of fact, I'd even go ahead as far to say that I love this nigga -- no homo.
He is one of the real niggas that made me want to do this But [bleep.]
this old-ass nigga! This old nigga is old enough to be my dad, and he telling me to eat a dick? Nigga, what's wrong with you? You a grown-ass man, and you telling a 15-year-old to eat a dick?! I know your mother raised you better than that, dawg.
Matter fact Excuse me -- is this miss Jenkins? Yes, it is.
My name is sergeant gutta.
And I don't know if you aware, but your son said some very rude things about me on the radio.
He said some very rude things.
He's too old to be acting like that, and I know I don't like him using that language, either.
You know I one time -- that was your mama, nigga -- your mama! Grow your old ass up, nigga! I hope you go broke, you feel me? I hope that the I.
R.
S.
Is on their way over right now to take your [bleep.]
nigga.
I believe this is the gentleman you're looking for.
Otis Jenkins? We're here from the internal revenue service.
Toodles! Damn! Damn! Damn! I makes it rain, nigga how much you owe? Man, them mother [bleep.]
want me to pay a $120,000 in the next six weeks or they gonna take my house.
Look, I told you what you need to do.
I know man, but I'm saying -- a job? I mean, wasn't that the point of us being rappers, so we wouldn't have to get a job? Given up so easily.
If you and mack were still here -- otis, it's over.
We were lucky, man.
We had a great time, we got to be rock stars and see some [bleep.]
that most people never get to see.
But it's over.
You got a degree, nigga.
You got options.
That's more than most people.
I can get you in the door, man.
Think about it.
I makes it rain, nigga okay, Mr.
otis Jenkins.
Says here you have a bachelor's degree in communications.
Yeah, but, uh, I don't normally go by my government name.
So you can just call me thugnificent.
I can call you "thugnificent"? You never heard my music? I thought flo would have told you.
We both rappers in the lethal interjection crew.
By "flo," you mean Derrick? No, he didn't mention that.
Rappers, you say? Oh, yeah, we did a song called "[bleep.]
Granddad," uh, about [bleep.]
up old people.
We did a song called "stomp 'em in the nuts" which was, ironically, about stomping niggas in the nuts, you know, real [bleep.]
Funny, Derrick neglected to mention this on his résumé.
Yeah, music is in our blood, man.
That's what we do, you know? We just in a transitional period with our career right now, so anything we do now would just be temporary.
Derrick, too, I presume? Hell yeah, flo is my nigga.
As soon as I'm back on, he's back on, you know? Pow! We out of here! Good to know.
Hey, flo, hey, I didn't know that he didn't know.
Flo, come on, man.
Don't be like that! Flo! I didn't know, flo! I love you, man! No homo! Man, I don't know what we gonna do.
We all knew it was gonna come to this.
Is that what I think it is? What's wrong -- you ain't never seen no yayo, nigga? Figure out what this is.
That's real cocaine, nigga! Hmm.
Where did you get it? Nigga, don't worry about where I got it! I got my connects.
Ed the third.
So what are you doing with it? "So, what are you doing with it?" We gonna cook it up, slang it on them streets, and get paid, nigga! I mean, how hard can it be? I think there's some rap songs that tell you how to do it.
You got to have a taster pull the water from the oil get a Turkey baster also, that baking soda will help you stretch that okay, he said something about baking soda.
This [bleep.]
don't actually tell you how to make it, though.
Oh, what the hell.
Let's check Wikipedia.
Customers all night just make sure it's got a little complexion metaphor the great find me serving in the smoking section I'll show you how to cook that show you how to bake crack show you how to hit that block to make trap I'll show you how to cook that show you how to bake crack show you how to hit that block and make trap all day Pardon me, are you selling crack? Uh, what it look like I'm doing? Here.
Oh, lovely, lovely.
I'll take two, please.
Thank you.
Have a wonderful day.
Excuse me, man, I'm looking for some crack.
Yeah.
Got your crack right here.
Wait a minute.
You're thugnificent! Oh, my God! Uh, I don't know what you're talking about.
No, it's you.
It's definitely you! Oh, man, I love your stuff, man! What are you doing out here selling crack? I'm not thugnificent.
I'm an ordinary crack dealer.
I don't know what neither one of y'all talking about.
Can you please give me the crack? I need three of them.
Dude, what happened on your last cd? I told you I don't know what you talking about! Can y'all hold this off for a minute? A couple of the beats were okay but Auto-tuner? The auto-tune is [bleep.]
Up.
The auto-tune is terrible.
I'm not thugnificent! Get the [bleep.]
away from me! I'm serious! Excuse me, sir.
I haven't even gotten mine yet, and you bringing [bleep.]
back? I would like to return this crack.
This ain't Walmart, nigga! Ain't no return policies, no mother [bleep.]
exchanges! It is defective.
It's all burnt up, singed around the edges.
Ain't nothing wrong with this crack.
Ain't [bleep.]
happening with my crack.
You not good at this, 'cause my crack dealer's a lot faster.
Are you gonna be here for a while? I'd like to go get my cousin.
Don't go get your -- huh? No, wait! There is no reason to be rude! I paid good money for this crack, and it is all burnt up! See, I told you! See? Sir, you're not even looking.
Oh, my God, it is thugnificent.
I can't believe it.
Can I take your picture? No! Don't you -- ni-- don't you see I'm selling crack?! I was supposed to pick up my daughter from school eight hours ago.
If you don't give me some new crack or a refund, I, sir, will take my business elsewhere! Will you mother [bleep.]
Get away from me?! Man, Leonard, who do I know that still does cocaine? Think, think, think.
Oh! Yo, Steve! Steve from hollow point records! Yo, I -- that nigga does cocaine, and he got a lot of paper.
Hey, yo, Steve, uh, it's your boy otis! Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
Um, look, I got some stuff you, uh, might be interested in.
Uh, no doubt, no doubt.
Yo, yeah, just, uh, tell me when and where! You know what I'm saying? I'll be there, nigga! So you know this guy, and he definitely got the money? Hell yeah.
The nigga runs the label I almost signed with.
But don't be trying no dumb Man, 'cause Steve's a little crazy.
No, he better not be trying no dumb [bleep.]
'cause I'm a little crazy.
You here to see Steve? The [bleep.]
you think? Come on in.
Otis, what's popping? Glad you could make it, man.
Yo, what up, Steve? These are my friends, uh, Leonard and ed the third.
Great to meet you.
Sit down.
Anybody want anything? How you been, otis? Not too good, to be honest.
I heard you lost your deal.
I'm glad you called me.
I think people are getting sick of all of it, you know? You, sergeant gutter Everything music's been for the last decade.
It's a new era now.
People want something more.
Yeah, you probably right.
But I believe in you, otis.
Always have.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
Now, let's get down to business.
You got something for me? That's about a key -- maybe a eight ball short, though.
What is this, cocaine? Yeah.
I, uh, thought we were gonna discuss a record deal, not a drug deal.
Huh? You said you had something I might be interested in, and I thought you were talking about music.
Oh, man.
I want back into the thugnificent business.
How about $150,000 advance? What? Are you serious? $150,000?! You got that kind of money? Of course I got that kind of money.
Who is this guy? Yo! I cannot believe this! Yo, I really, really appreciate this, Steve.
Yo, like, this is a miracle! I-I'm gonna -- I'm -- I'm not going to let you down, man! I promise.
Well, you still want the drugs, right? No.
Been clean for a year.
Congratulations, otis! Thank you so much for believing in me, Steve.
Really.
I-I mean, this means so much to me.
We're gonna do it right this time.
You're gonna be back on top.
I came all the way over to this mother [bleep.]
I want my money.
Yo, I thought we was coming all the way over here to do a crazy drug deal and [bleep.]
My heart was beating all fast.
It turns out that you want to give me money for a record deal! I want my money.
I got this whole new sound I been working on, too.
I really want you to hear it.
It's crazy.
This is gonna make everything in your life better, and nothing anyone can do is gonna stop it.
Nothing.
I want my mother [bleep.]
Money! Ed, what are you doing? Who cares about drugs? Steve, I'm really sorry, man.
What is this, a joke? Do you know who I am? [bleep.]
I'm ed wuncler! I brought the drugs all the way over here.
I did what I was supposed to do.
I fulfilled my mother [bleep.]
End of the bargain, and I want my [bleep.]
damn money! Hold up, not so fast, you fat mother [bleep.]
Ed, ed, no, no! Stop! M-mister Steve, I hope this doesn't affect our deal! Tell me where the safe is, or the green mile over here -- he's washed up! I think I'm having a cardiac arrest.
Mother [bleep.]
shot me! The [bleep.]
you looking at? You don't want my [bleep.]
Damn cocaine, huh? Well I'll take my [bleep.]
Elsewhere.
Boy, what on earth are you doing? You trying to get yourself killed? I don't know what to do.
Well, get a job! I tried that.
Well, try again! You don't understand, pops.
I always wanted to do this rap thing.
And then by some miracle, I actually pulled it off.
I just thought it would last longer.
It ain't over, thugnificent! I believe in you.
Like -- like -- like Ray Charles, but without the piano skills or the ability to sing or compose music.
Look, man, I-I can't do this no more.
Thanks, old man.
I know I told you to eat a lot of dicks.
But you all right with me.
I'm gonna take it down.
Take it down.
Oh, lord have mercy! He gone! He gone! Jesus, you answered my prayers.
I'm tickled as a coon on inauguration day.
I need help with these boxes.
There's a gold thugnificent.
Don't got it.
Butt cheeks Booty butt, Booty butt, Booty butt cheeks Booty-b-booty-booty-butt cheeks Wait.
I know that song.
Butt cheeks Booty butt, Booty butt, Booty butt cheeks Booty butt, Booty butt, Booty butt cheeks booty-b-booty-booty butt-cheeks What's good, little homey? Look, I get off at 5:00.
I could come through.
We can ghost-ride the company whip! How you like the new job? Man, it's some old bull But check it.
Your boy is shooting his own reality show! Word?! Yeah, nigga, you on it right now! Yo, what up, what up, what up? Young reezy aka "the fundraiser," nigga! Lethal interjection, bitch! Yeah, man, all the paper is in reality shows right now, nigga.
The music industry's dead.
I'm trying to get that flava flav money.
You know what I'm saying? That's who I'm looking at right now.
Wow, that sound like a real good plan, thugnificent.
Hey, your granddaddy home? Hey! Wake up, old nigga! Just wanted to let you know until we get this reality show money, your boy thugnificent is gonna be right here handling all your overnight shipping needs, you smell me? So ask yourself, what can all this brown thugnificence do for you, nigga?! Nigga, will you shut the hell up! Some of us pay our taxes, Mr.
"punk-ass-nificent"!