The Boss Baby: Back in Business (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

Scooter Buskie

1 [grunts] Hold all my calls.
[giggling] [music] Boss Baby I'm the boss, Boss Baby Boss boss, Boss Baby, boss boss - Boss Baby - Watch a itty-bitty kid get large I'm the big Boss Baby in charge Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard I'm the big Boss Baby in charge - Boss Baby - I run this house, I rule this crib Change my diaper, son, where's my bib? Don't pacify, you just got to pay me - Who's in charge? - Me, the Boss Baby [grunting] You expect me to talk? I will never betray Planet Earth to you, Emperor Cavemutant Tentaclemouth! [speaks gibberish] Do your worst! I've seen every nightmare this galaxy has to [gasps] What the barf is this garbage? [shrieking] No! Oh.
For criminy's sake, Tim.
They're not gonna kill you.
Your baby brother likes green beans.
Don't you? - [coos] - [Dad laughs] You do like them.
Yes, you do! [Mom] Eat up.
You have the whole afternoon to play, but I need to see a clean plate first, okay? [groaning] Make me proud, Timmy.
I'm already so proud of you.
They're just parents.
You should be playing them like a kazoo.
It's easy for you.
You like green beans.
Mm! High fiber with a smooth grassy flavor.
What's not to like? - Wait, you could eat my beans.
- Mm, sure could.
[sips] Mm.
Good beans.
- So? - So, what's in it for me? What? - Everything okay in there, boys? - All good, Dad! [giggles] I'm happy to eat the beans, but for free? [gasps] Was there a fire that burned down the rules of business? This isn't a business.
We're a family.
- We're supposed to - I don't live in "supposed-ta, Templeton.
" I live in the free market.
It's all business.
Quid pro quo, aka "I doosie, you doosie.
" I eat your vegetables, you owe me a favor.
What favor? Ah, we'll leave it open.
But know this I will collect.
It's a deal.
What? Are you trying to choke me, you homicidal maniac? Gotta mash those mammajammas! - [Mom] Ready for me to clear plates? - One more minute! I bought cookies if you're done! Mashed, Templeton! I want it pureed so fine, it'll be in my diaper by sundown.
[Dad] Okay, here comes the cookie-copter! Come on, beat it like it owes you money! [laughs maniacally] Good.
[gulps] Aww.
Who are my two big boys? I'm gonna play with the baby now! We're not doing anything suspicious! I love you.
Bye! [grunts] Thanks for covering for me.
I have to check in at the office.
That mean we're even for the green beans? [laughs] You know nothing about business.
[laughs, gasps] - You should come with me to the office.
- What? Why? Because we are family.
I can't have my brother ignorant to the art of business.
It's embarrassing.
[dinging] - It'll be fun.
I promise.
- I do like fun.
Do they still have free cookies in the break room? You are literally eating a cookie right now.
- I'm a kid.
- Yes, they have cookies.
Be advised, we upgraded the transport chupies.
Do they still work the same way? - Yes, you suck.
- You suck! Ohh.
[sucking] Hello, you beautiful Baby Corp.
Let's do some business.
- [phones ringing] - [overlapping chatter] [cries] - Yo, family man! - Hey, BB! Boss Baby! Still looking for those field reports.
- On your desk by Friday.
- Outstanding! Are they always this friendly? That's not friendliness.
It's the halo of success.
Tell me, Templeton, what do I do here at Baby Corp? You make babies? Uh, no, the factory downstairs makes the babies.
I make sure the world loves babies.
More than puppies, more than kittens, babies get ten times more love than the competition.
And you know why? Uh, I was promised fun and cookies.
Ah, stay with me.
It's because of what I've been trying to tell you.
It's all business.
Baby Corp gives the world the cuteness it needs.
And in return, the world gives us what we want.
All that love.
Wow, you're great at business.
They should let you run Baby Corp.
- [groans] I tell myself that every day.
- Boss Baby! Mega Fat CEO Baby.
Good morning, chief! Who's crushing it? Numero you-oh! Up high! But not really.
I'm important and busy.
So we're done here? [imitates buzzer] Air ball.
Ask me why I'm busy.
- I'd rather not.
- Why are you busy? I'm busy because there's a problem out in the field, which is what? Yeah, your job.
Which I guess you're terrible at? Hey! My brother is great at business.
[gasps] Oh, that's right.
You went off and joined a family.
How's that shaking out? [laughs] Oh, it's shaking fine.
Yeah, you know what? My body language don't care.
You wanna bring your man-baby to the office? Okay.
Makes you look unprofessional and weak, but whatevs.
I do appreciate the lecture on professionalism, - but my man-baby is right.
- Can we not call me a man-baby? Check the board.
Babies are the most loved creatures - on the planet.
- Uh-huh, yeah, except Magnus, make it zoom and enhance.
Mega Fat CEO Baby wishes to zoom and enhance! [Mega] Zip.
Looky-looky that.
Right in your own town.
An entire neighborhood where they don't just not love babies, they can't stand babies.
They hate babies? What's the problem? Puppy infiltration? Worse.
A bad baby.
His name is Scooter Buskie.
He's just [blows raspberry] worst baby in the world.
Scooter Buskie - [thuds] - [groans] - [laughing] - Scooter Buskie! - [man] Huh? - [all] Scooter Buskie! [screams] Scooter, no! - [woman] Oh, come on! - [man] Will you please shut your baby up? What is wrong with that child? The whole neighborhood hates him.
And that's very bad for business.
[gasps] That poor baby.
We should help him.
Oh, aren't you just a peach, high-tops? I'll take care of this Scooter Buskie.
Uh, yeah, or else.
The "else" means I take this matter to my bosses.
The Board of Directors.
And then I get to fire you, so's we clear.
We clear, double-B? Yes.
I'm gonna fill my diaper now and never break eye contact.
- [farts] - Ooh! Smell it! Love you, big guy! Not really.
Mega Fat CEO Baby does not actually love you.
We get to go on a secret mission? You were right.
This is fun! - Now, where are those free cookies? - Later.
We've got a problem baby to deal with.
Time to call in the field team.
[ringing] [Boss Baby] Jimbo, the Muscle.
[ringing] Staci, the Wild Card.
[all grunting] The Triplets.
They mostly stay back at the office.
[loud banging] [growls] [groaning] There you are.
Honey, he got out again! - Sorry, everyone.
He gets out sometimes.
- [muttering] Scooter Buskie is a garbage baby.
Maybe he's just misunderstood.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't realize your brother was [whispers] a liberal.
- What? - Shh! Triplets, I need a diversion.
Something special from the R&D department.
- We're helpful! - [Triplets cheer] Jimbo, deliver the package.
[grunting] [rings doorbell] [mother] What is it, hon? It says we won a free baby swing.
Ooh, latest model from Japan! [mother] Japan? - Super-advanced technology.
- Fancy! Huh.
No assembly instructions.
- [Jimbo grunts] - Nice work, Jimbo.
Staci, arrange a meeting.
Scooter, why are we having this conversation? [belches] [snaps fingers] Your job is a no-brainer.
Act cute, Mommy and Daddy give you food and shelter.
- You doosie, they doosie.
- [Scooter screams] How do we move the needle on this one? Talk to me.
- [speaks gibberish] - [all gasp] - What did he say? - Uh Assorted things about our mother.
Better you don't know.
- [Scooter yelling] - He's a total loss.
We issue a factory recall, take him back to Baby Corp.
Take him away? You can't.
I thought we were supposed to help him.
Staci, I like the problem-solving and lack of morals, but the kid's right.
We don't need drastic measures.
What have I been teaching you, Templeton? That I owe you a favor? I lost interest after you promised me cookies.
It's all business.
We just need to find out what Scooter Buskie wants.
Buskie, let's do some business.
[yells] That was hard cash, you maniac! Maybe this one goes in the [powers up] [speaks Japanese] - Final offer.
- [squeals] Bronze shoes, front row tickets to Patty Feltmonster's Wiggling Jug Band, and we'll throw in Jimbo's personal stuffed companion.
Fluff-Bum will always love you.
[sobbing] [happy squeal] [gurgles] [all gasp] [Scooter screeches] [groans] It's like negotiating with North Korea! This is my job on the line.
Somebody help me out! [giggles] No hugs, Jimbo! - You want me to? - I do, but think of the lawsuits.
Maybe not everything's about business.
You shut your lying mouth! If a baby's fussy, something's probably bothering him.
What's wrong, widdle grump-grump? Tummy gurgles? Izzums sweepy? Doodles in the didee? Baby talk is hate speech, Templeton.
- I got it! - What? See that bump on his gums? He's getting his first tooth.
- No wonder poor baby is so cranky.
- Staci, what do we have for tooth pain? Frozen pacifier.
Numbs the gums.
All better, Scooter? I can't believe that worked.
I brought you to work because I thought I could teach you something.
But I was wrong.
You're the one who's teaching me - Fart! Poop! Doody! [shouts] - [Scooter growling] Scooter, no! That single tooth.
It's like Lucifer's javelin! [grunts] [Scooter giggles] [screeches] Cool.
Now we've added biting.
Good effort, Templeton.
But when you took away Scooter's pain, all you did was unleash a greater evil.
- [beeping] - Sir, the baby-hate is spreading.
There's a young couple next door that might actually get a a cat! A cat instead of a baby? - [groans] - Are we gonna get fired? No, we are gonna fix this kid.
I've got one last desperate idea.
Templeton, I'm calling in that favor you owe me.
What do you need? Gold star stickers.
Go home, grab as many as you can.
- Meet me at Baby Corp.
- On it! - Are you and your brother having fun? - Nothing suspicious! I love you.
Bye! Got 'em! Outstanding.
One for Staci.
Take one for yourself, Timmy.
You've earned it.
But what happened to "one last desperate idea"? I'll be honest, Templeton.
I decided to go with Staci's factory recall plan.
You were against it.
Figured I'd save us an awkward family argument.
So gold star for me, too.
Good job.
What did you do with Scooter? We brought him in for retraining.
Baby, be good Baby, be good Never, never, never, never Never be bad - [shouts] Be good! - [gasps] You just took away that family's baby? Of course not.
We gave them a free upgrade.
What exactly does that mean? Let me paint you the scene at the Buskie house.
[swing] Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! [Boss Baby] Right now, Mrs.
Buskie is realizing I should go feed Scooter.
Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! [Boss Baby] Can you imagine that mommy's life, Templeton? Every four hours, every day, she has to feed that that Scooter Buskie.
But today is different.
Oh, the routine is the same.
Scooter, nummy-num time.
But what's this? When she walks up to that crib, what precious wonder awaits? Scooter? A brand-new, powder-clean, snuggle-hungry baby.
[giggles] She'll be the happiest mommy on Earth.
[screaming] [scoffs] That Buskie baby is just the worst.
I'm so glad we opted for cat ownership instead.
What? You are in so much trouble.
Jimbo's just a fill-in.
We'll issue the Buskies a factory-fresh baby as soon as one's available.
Once Scooter's retrained, we ship him off to some value-sized mega-family who won't even notice the extra kid.
He'll love Utah.
It's all business, Templeton.
And I just made this deal a win-win.
You do not understand families at all! - [sighs] Look, maybe this was a mistake.
- So we're taking Scooter back? No, that baby's awful, and everyone's happier this way.
- I meant bringing you to the office.
- Oh.
Don't get me wrong.
The brother thing? I'm still into it 100 percent.
I just think maybe we keep work at work and home at home.
I'm gonna say goodbye to Scooter first.
[laughs] - Why the chuckle? - No reason.
I just like laughing.
Knock yourself out.
Baby be good Baby be good Never, never, never Good baby.
Bossy B! My main man I just can't stand.
Can I fire you yet? [laughs] You overpaid kidder.
Staci, call up the charts.
You'll find the Buskies' neighborhood is now one hundred percent It's gonna blow! Uh we're gonna make a follow-up visit.
Just to be sure the Buskies are thrilled with their baby upgrade.
[laughs nervously] [screams] Our baby is missing, there's a giant muscle-baby in the house, and why are you still working on that swing? - Scooter's missing? - Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! Turbo! [both screaming] - Mama hugs? - [crashing downstairs] So, in summary, I am on top of things and - [crashing] - [screams] Baby be good [screaming] - [growling] - [babies yelling] Okay, I'm out.
[screams] And let that teach you a valuable lesson.
What lesson? [screams] I will get back to you when I figure that out.
[sighs] Come on.
[growls, gasps] [giggles] - It's headed for the break room! - Don't let it get sugared up! [panicked shouting] So he gets cookies? [giggles] [screeches] [laughs] - [giggles] - [yells] You're not done here after all, Templeton.
I'll take Staci and deal with the Jimbo situation.
That one's on you.
Um, is there like a security guard or? [whistles] Triplets! [Triplets laugh] - Yes, boss? - Reporting for duty! Hi, boss's brother.
Call when you've got him contained.
Don't get me fired! I'm a security! - [imitates alarm] - [laughing] Goo-goo ga-ga? So is the giant muscle-baby working with the killer robot swing, or Who cares? Get in there and find my little boy! What did you do? Whaaa?! - Scooter! Hey, Scoo - [Scooter shrieks] Be a good baby! No! [Tim] No! Scooter! - No! Be a good baby - [yelling] - [grunts] Huh? - [alarm dings] - Templeton! - Hey! Everything's under control here.
You're an atrocious liar.
That's not what I'm calling about.
The Buskie house is surrounded! Had to send out the baby swing as a distraction.
- It's got my gun! - Turbo! Turbo! [Boss Baby] Scan the board and find us an escape route.
Tick-tock, Templeton.
The situation is at crisis levels here.
Staci, how's the neighborhood? People are really hating babies, sir.
- Okay, I have an idea.
- And I have a crisis.
Winner, me.
Where's my escape route? [Tim] Oh, Scooter! I found more cookies and juice boxes.
Templeton! Templeton, where are you? I've lost contact.
Block the door.
We get busted, that's a two-year stretch in daycare.
No! They can't send me back to daycare.
[screams] I will go out in a storm of blood and fire! - [Tim] Hey.
- Oh, thank goodness.
Exit route, Templeton.
ASAP! Or since I got Scooter, I can just send him back to his parents.
What? This situation's a powderkeg, that baby is the blowtorch.
Send him out now, no one in this neighborhood will love babies again! I absolutely forbid Wait.
- Where are you right now? - Too late! - [siren wailing] - [Scooter growls] Templeton, you've doomed us all.
[Scooter growling] [all gasping] - [snarls] - Scooter? - [giggling] - [mother laughs] Baby boy! Oh, come here.
My little guy! - [excited chatter] - Hmm? Aww! Aww! Oh! - Babe, let's have a baby! - I hate cats so much.
Stand down, boys.
Stand down for sweet, sweet cuteness.
[swing yells in Japanese] Templeton, I am as impressed as I am mystified.
It was right on the map.
The whole neighborhood hates Scooter Buskie, right? But not at his house.
So I figured, you want to make everyone love babies? Maybe they just had to see Scooter the way his mom and dad do.
Not business.
Sir, baby love is off the charts! - I guess it's all over but the cover-up.
- What? [siren chirps] [Scooter giggles] [mother screams] - Giant muscle-baby! - There you are.
I am so sorry.
My cousin has wandering baby syndrome.
It's a real thing that's probably in the encyclopedia probably.
Don't check that.
I love you.
Bye! Okay.
You did good today, Templeton.
So, uh, do I owe you now? This is making me uncomfortable.
Nah, that one was free.
We're brothers.
[laughs] - You really know nothing about business.
- And proud of it.
But you do know family.
That makes us a real synergy powerhouse.
So maybe if you want, we could work together again tomorrow? Sounds fun.
But this time it's gonna cost you.
- [screams] - No, baby! Well, I'm full! Gonna go watch TV! I love this family.
[giggles, claps] Boss Baby