The Cleveland Show s02e03 Episode Script
2APS05 - How Cleveland Got His Groove Back
[SINGING.]
My name is Cleveland Brown And I am proud to be Right back in my hometown With my new family There's old friends and new friends And even a bear Through good times and bad times It's true love we share And so I found a place Where everyone will know My happy mustache face This is The Cleveland Show [CHUCKLES.]
Sorry I'm late, guys.
I was at that Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie.
I wonder if I urinated on the floor if it would make it all the way down to the front.
Hey! So how's our new drag race machine thing looking? She's ready.
No thanks to you.
I'll fire her up.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
- All right! - Yeah! Go Greased Lightning! With me at the wheel, we're gonna win that race and raise thousands of dollars for feline diabetes.
You at the wheel? Ho, ho, you ain't driving.
I'm driving.
What do you know about the sport of racing? I'm pretty sure I can handle it seeing as I've been driving since I was 29 years old.
This is drag racing.
Then I'll dress up like a woman.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
But I did all the work.
Built this car with parts from my yard.
Hell, the wheels are off my mother's house.
Let's put it to a vote.
I vote me.
- Uh, Cleveland.
- I'd drive but I'm grounded.
Left a wet towel on the carpet.
So Cleveland.
Hooray! I'm the driver! Damn it.
A black guy can't drive a race car.
Driving a race car requires Whoa, whoa, whoa, write it down and I'll tell you if you can say it.
No, you can't say that.
CLEVELAND: So it's the bottom of the eighth and I'm in a rundown.
I run toward third, then home, then third, then home, third, home, third, home.
This happens 42 times.
- Ha-ha-ha.
Wow.
- Unbe-freaking-lievable.
Coach McFall called it the greatest rundown he'd ever seen in his life.
You know, Cleveland, I'd rather hear a dry fart from a wet dog than another one of your baseball stories.
You're just jealous because you never played a real sport.
Oh, uh Snack.
Baseball ain't a sport.
Not a sport? You, sir, are an ignoramus.
And you wouldn't know a grand slam from an admittedly delicious and horrifically salty Denny's meal.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- You think so? - I know so.
Why, you rooting, tooting I bet I could strike you out.
Ha, ha.
Wha? Strike me out? You heard me.
Tomorrow at the field.
You're on.
I'll whiff you so bad they'll feel the breeze in Cooper County.
That's very far away.
Or maybe I'll hit a home run that lands in Cartwright County.
Wow, that's even farther.
Okay, guys.
Closing time.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[THUDDING NEARBY.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
Oh, man.
This is going worse than Paul Giamatti's last physical.
Yeah, you're gonna wanna get this replaced.
Well, Gord-o, good thing we woke up here this morning.
Otherwise, we would've missed this epic battle.
You said it, Angus.
Local buck-toothed disgrace Lester Krinklesac has bet he can strike out former Stoolbend High School baseball legend and current non-union cable installer, Cleveland Brown.
First Kendra, now this.
Thanks a lot, beer.
ANGUS: Well, here we go.
Brown steps in and adjusts himself.
GORDY: Crotch arrangement very important in baseball.
ANGUS: You can't say that enough.
Both players today going with the left pant leg.
GORDY: And it looks like Krinklesac's ready.
Ball! Somebody call the cops, this man's trying to murder all the worms.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[GROANS.]
Ball! Great throw.
Does your husband also pitch? [ALL LAUGHING.]
Who am I, everybody? He's Lester.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Here, I'll give you this one.
Ow! Doodle balls! Ball! Oh, three and oh already? I don't wanna go back to work yet.
Tell you what, I'll swing at anything.
Strike! You call that a pitch? Here's a pitch: it's I Am Legend meets Maid in Manhattan.
Put Ryan Reynolds in there and call it a day.
All right, let's go.
ANGUS: Foul ball.
Damn! Strike two! Oh, no, strike two.
Hey, Lester, they should call you Larry King's chair, because you stink.
[CHUCKLING.]
Lester stinks! ALL [CHANTING.]
: Lester stinks! Lester stinks! Lester stinks! [SHRIEKING.]
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Move it, pudge, I'm taking over.
Kendra, what are you doing? Lester, you can do this.
Remember the winter we had to survive on skunks and we covered Ernie with skunk urine to attract skunks which you'd kill by throwing rocks at the skunks and you killed those skunks without hitting Ernie because you knew if he was hurt we'd lose our skunk bait? Vaguely.
What's your point, big'un? Well, the baseball is the rock, this mitt is the skunk and Cleveland is Ernie.
I don't know.
I just don't You do this and I'll let you suck my toes.
A wide miss, Kendra.
A wide miss.
Yech.
Ugh.
But I appreciate the sentiment.
Now, I've got a job to do.
Come on.
Right down the middle.
It's tater time.
Strike three! [SHOUTING.]
ANGUS: And down goes Brown.
Down goes Brown.
I don't believe what I just saw.
Do you believe in miracles? Yes.
President Reagan has been shot.
Soylent Green is people.
Fahrvergnügen.
Kendra.
Kendra.
Lester.
MAN: "And there is no joy in Stoolbend mighty Cleveland has struck out.
" [SHOUTING.]
Stick with me, fellas.
You'll learn a lot.
Uh, Lester, you're in my seat.
Not just about baseball but about politics, home remedies, the black experience in the American South.
I would take this one, but your feet are on it.
MADtv sketches, rust, living with obesity.
There were no other chairs available so as long as no one wants to play "Pac-Man" Well, looking forward to winning that drag race for our team.
Yeah, me too, which is more relevant since I'll be driving.
Yeah, Cleveland, we, uh, decided to make Lester the driver since, uh, he is, you know, better than you at baseball.
What? Is this all just because I MAN: Hey, I wanna play "Miss Pac-Man.
" [GROANS.]
[MIMICS PAC-MAN SOUND EFFECTS.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
Depressed.
Is something wrong, Cleveland? No.
Yes.
What is it, Cleveland? You know Lester and Tim and Holt? Yes, I know them.
Ever since I struck out, they don't think I'm cool.
[SOBBING.]
Oh, poor baby.
Well, you don't need them.
Maybe it's time to find yourself some new friends.
Fine.
I'll go out and get drunk.
You make dinner and put the kids to bed and fold my laundry and then take the bus to the bar and drive me home.
Hear ye, hear ye.
We have a new friend joining us tonight.
So let's all raise our glasses.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm kidding.
Drinking glasses.
I'd like to propose a toast.
Wish I had some butter.
Not that kind of toast.
To our new fourth musketeer Toledo Blue.
Wait, wait, that's not right.
Oh, here it is, Cleveland Brown.
So, uh Uh, so you guys watching some football this weekend? I do not own a television.
However, I do rent one every four years for the Winter Olympics.
Oh.
[LESTER, HOLT & TIM LAUGHING.]
Oh, they ordered a pizza to the bar? That's so cool.
Did somebody say pizza? [IN BAD ITALIAN ACCENT.]
That's Italian.
[SINGING.]
When the ALL [OUT OF SYNC.]
: Moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie That's amore Yeah, yeah.
Amore, yeah.
Ho, ho.
This has been the worst 40 minutes of my life.
[SIGHS.]
If you've come for the urine jars, they're under the bed.
No, Mom just wanted to see if you're coming down for dinner tonight.
Dinner? What use is food for a man whose life has no meaning? So you're not coming down to dinner.
Will you sign my report card? Well, let's see how you did.
"A, A-minus, A, A, A-minu" Three tardies? No, I will not sign this.
If you're going downstairs, take a urine ja Uh, uh, uh - She's gone.
- I got it.
I got it.
Whee, whee, whee! All the way home.
[CHUCKLES.]
Huh.
That's just the kind of thing that usually cheers me up too.
ANNOUNCER: We now return to Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Michael Cera in Roots 2: Reparations.
Go, go, go! Um, Kunta, is it? Okay, Kunta? Um, it's no biggie, but I made you a mix tape for the ride, so Shut up, quirky.
I'm taking my people back to Africa.
Back to our roots.
My name is Kunta Kinte 9000.
And you can Kunta kiss my ass.
Roots.
That's it.
Donna.
No time for the stairs.
I'll take the dumbwaiter.
[SIGHS.]
At least the jackass is out of bed.
Donna.
Are you sitting down? Cleveland, I'm standing in front of you.
Good, you'll wanna be standing for this.
Oh, are we done acting like a child? Because I've figured out how to get my mojo back.
I need to reconnect to my roots by going to Africa.
Well, you know what? I actually think that's a great idea.
For all of us.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Sure.
Everybody should come.
Even the kids? I mean, of course the kids.
We'll make it a family trip.
Pack up the urine jars.
The Browns are going to Africa.
[KIDS CHEERING.]
It's always been a dream of mine to go to Africa.
I can't thank you enough, Brown.
I hope you find what you're looking for, man.
Thank you.
Would you like to hear some of my poetry? Africa, Africa Bring me some laugh-rica Gilded stone of yore, bequeath unto me Your vast swaths of being I, like an okapi, run back to the womb Doom, gloom, boom, boom, boom Silence and all is night May I have that? My odes! I'm gonna take a nap.
Junior, you're gonna learn about your heritage too.
Did you know that our ancestors came from Africa? No, I thought we were Scottish.
What the hell's wrong with you, Dad? I'm 14.
CAPTAIN: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Captain.
Sounds weird.
Last week I was a baggage handler.
Anyway, please fasten your seat belts as we begin our initial descent for our layover in Hawaii.
If anybody wants to do peyote buttons, meet me at baggage claim.
I'm going to see my guy.
This place is beautiful.
Screw Africa.
Let's just stay here.
What about getting in touch with our heritage? Pork our heritage.
This place has mai tais.
Besides, Africa isn't going anywhere.
And Hawaii's important too.
The island provides puka shell necklaces for sunburned idiots all over the world.
True.
But Rallo was so excited to go to Africa.
What are we supposed to tell him? Welcome to Africa.
This is Africa? Yep.
This is Africa.
Let's go sightseeing.
[RETCHING.]
What a week, Donna.
Thank God for credit cards.
Why did I care so much about that stupid strikeout? Remember that? Lester struck me out.
We had that bet and everything.
Funny umpire and whatnot.
That stuff's not important.
All it takes to make me happy is an ocean-front infinity pool with a swim-up bar.
- You know, the simple things.
- Well [BELCHES.]
You all right? There's so much in my life I was taking for granted.
- My wife, two great kids.
- Three.
Yep.
This is what I needed.
No, wait.
There she is.
This is what I needed.
Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, it's good to see you back to yourself again.
- What's that? - It's good to see you back to yourself again.
Oh, yeah.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
And I love Africa.
Thought there'd be more black people, though.
CAPTAIN: We're now landing at Stoolbend International Airport.
We apologize ahead of time if you had a pet in the cargo bay.
They're frozen.
Here's a tip for next time don't bring your pet on vacation.
They don't know the difference.
The local time is 2:44.
Oh, Donna, I feel so much better but I bet my former friends didn't even notice I was gone.
No way.
Look.
What happened to our street? [HOWLING.]
Hey, Cleveland.
What a cluster fudge, huh? Cleveland, boy, are we glad to see you.
C-Bro, bad news.
Forgot to water your plants.
Would somebody tell me what the H happened? Turns out years of inbreeding, in this case, did not make me a good racecar driver.
I crashed and broke 95 percent of my skeleton bones.
He couldn't pay the medical bills so Holt and I tried to raise the money with a car wash.
I tore open the fire hydrant so we would have enough water.
Dumbass didn't know how to close it.
Katrina'ed my place.
Made a sinkhole.
House fell in.
Don't tell my mom.
Pulled the power lines with it and we lost all our power.
Meat was gonna spoil, so alls we could do was throw a big block party barbecue.
I offered to be grill master but because of my big, clumsy bear hands, I caught myself on fire.
So I stopped, dropped and rolled right into a pile of dirty tires.
Anyway, while they were trying to put me out we forgot about the meat, and now we got wolves.
Cleveland, none of this would have happened if we had let you drive the car in the drag race.
See, Cleveland? These guys do look up to you.
They're lost without you.
You know what? I guess they do and are, respectively.
Hey, what about that blimp? LESTER: I honestly did not see that until now.
Welcome parents, second wives and Central American nannies.
Today, the kindergarten class will present their very first oral reports on a subject matter of their own choosing.
First up, an adorable little pisher with the cutest little punum Rallo Tubbs.
[CROWD APPLAUDING.]
Welcome to my report, "My Journey to Africa.
" When did Rallo go to Afric? Oh! Africa, a tropical paradise with white sandy beaches and PGA-rated golf courses.
Africa's major exports are pineapples, macadamia nuts and Jack Johnson.
Each morning when you wake up, they leave a copy of Africa's number one newspaper, Oosa Today.
And after several of what are called grown-up drinks it is customary for the elders to sleep half-naked until 3:00 and let you swim in the ocean alone.
So in conclusion, I would like to say thank you.
Or as they say in Africa: "Mahalo for coming to the Mauna Kea Four Seasons.
" Hey, what a cool dad.
Took his kid to Hawaii.
Bye, bye.
My name is Cleveland Brown And I am proud to be Right back in my hometown With my new family There's old friends and new friends And even a bear Through good times and bad times It's true love we share And so I found a place Where everyone will know My happy mustache face This is The Cleveland Show [CHUCKLES.]
Sorry I'm late, guys.
I was at that Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie.
I wonder if I urinated on the floor if it would make it all the way down to the front.
Hey! So how's our new drag race machine thing looking? She's ready.
No thanks to you.
I'll fire her up.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
- All right! - Yeah! Go Greased Lightning! With me at the wheel, we're gonna win that race and raise thousands of dollars for feline diabetes.
You at the wheel? Ho, ho, you ain't driving.
I'm driving.
What do you know about the sport of racing? I'm pretty sure I can handle it seeing as I've been driving since I was 29 years old.
This is drag racing.
Then I'll dress up like a woman.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
But I did all the work.
Built this car with parts from my yard.
Hell, the wheels are off my mother's house.
Let's put it to a vote.
I vote me.
- Uh, Cleveland.
- I'd drive but I'm grounded.
Left a wet towel on the carpet.
So Cleveland.
Hooray! I'm the driver! Damn it.
A black guy can't drive a race car.
Driving a race car requires Whoa, whoa, whoa, write it down and I'll tell you if you can say it.
No, you can't say that.
CLEVELAND: So it's the bottom of the eighth and I'm in a rundown.
I run toward third, then home, then third, then home, third, home, third, home.
This happens 42 times.
- Ha-ha-ha.
Wow.
- Unbe-freaking-lievable.
Coach McFall called it the greatest rundown he'd ever seen in his life.
You know, Cleveland, I'd rather hear a dry fart from a wet dog than another one of your baseball stories.
You're just jealous because you never played a real sport.
Oh, uh Snack.
Baseball ain't a sport.
Not a sport? You, sir, are an ignoramus.
And you wouldn't know a grand slam from an admittedly delicious and horrifically salty Denny's meal.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- You think so? - I know so.
Why, you rooting, tooting I bet I could strike you out.
Ha, ha.
Wha? Strike me out? You heard me.
Tomorrow at the field.
You're on.
I'll whiff you so bad they'll feel the breeze in Cooper County.
That's very far away.
Or maybe I'll hit a home run that lands in Cartwright County.
Wow, that's even farther.
Okay, guys.
Closing time.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[THUDDING NEARBY.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
Oh, man.
This is going worse than Paul Giamatti's last physical.
Yeah, you're gonna wanna get this replaced.
Well, Gord-o, good thing we woke up here this morning.
Otherwise, we would've missed this epic battle.
You said it, Angus.
Local buck-toothed disgrace Lester Krinklesac has bet he can strike out former Stoolbend High School baseball legend and current non-union cable installer, Cleveland Brown.
First Kendra, now this.
Thanks a lot, beer.
ANGUS: Well, here we go.
Brown steps in and adjusts himself.
GORDY: Crotch arrangement very important in baseball.
ANGUS: You can't say that enough.
Both players today going with the left pant leg.
GORDY: And it looks like Krinklesac's ready.
Ball! Somebody call the cops, this man's trying to murder all the worms.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[GROANS.]
Ball! Great throw.
Does your husband also pitch? [ALL LAUGHING.]
Who am I, everybody? He's Lester.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Here, I'll give you this one.
Ow! Doodle balls! Ball! Oh, three and oh already? I don't wanna go back to work yet.
Tell you what, I'll swing at anything.
Strike! You call that a pitch? Here's a pitch: it's I Am Legend meets Maid in Manhattan.
Put Ryan Reynolds in there and call it a day.
All right, let's go.
ANGUS: Foul ball.
Damn! Strike two! Oh, no, strike two.
Hey, Lester, they should call you Larry King's chair, because you stink.
[CHUCKLING.]
Lester stinks! ALL [CHANTING.]
: Lester stinks! Lester stinks! Lester stinks! [SHRIEKING.]
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Move it, pudge, I'm taking over.
Kendra, what are you doing? Lester, you can do this.
Remember the winter we had to survive on skunks and we covered Ernie with skunk urine to attract skunks which you'd kill by throwing rocks at the skunks and you killed those skunks without hitting Ernie because you knew if he was hurt we'd lose our skunk bait? Vaguely.
What's your point, big'un? Well, the baseball is the rock, this mitt is the skunk and Cleveland is Ernie.
I don't know.
I just don't You do this and I'll let you suck my toes.
A wide miss, Kendra.
A wide miss.
Yech.
Ugh.
But I appreciate the sentiment.
Now, I've got a job to do.
Come on.
Right down the middle.
It's tater time.
Strike three! [SHOUTING.]
ANGUS: And down goes Brown.
Down goes Brown.
I don't believe what I just saw.
Do you believe in miracles? Yes.
President Reagan has been shot.
Soylent Green is people.
Fahrvergnügen.
Kendra.
Kendra.
Lester.
MAN: "And there is no joy in Stoolbend mighty Cleveland has struck out.
" [SHOUTING.]
Stick with me, fellas.
You'll learn a lot.
Uh, Lester, you're in my seat.
Not just about baseball but about politics, home remedies, the black experience in the American South.
I would take this one, but your feet are on it.
MADtv sketches, rust, living with obesity.
There were no other chairs available so as long as no one wants to play "Pac-Man" Well, looking forward to winning that drag race for our team.
Yeah, me too, which is more relevant since I'll be driving.
Yeah, Cleveland, we, uh, decided to make Lester the driver since, uh, he is, you know, better than you at baseball.
What? Is this all just because I MAN: Hey, I wanna play "Miss Pac-Man.
" [GROANS.]
[MIMICS PAC-MAN SOUND EFFECTS.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
Depressed.
Is something wrong, Cleveland? No.
Yes.
What is it, Cleveland? You know Lester and Tim and Holt? Yes, I know them.
Ever since I struck out, they don't think I'm cool.
[SOBBING.]
Oh, poor baby.
Well, you don't need them.
Maybe it's time to find yourself some new friends.
Fine.
I'll go out and get drunk.
You make dinner and put the kids to bed and fold my laundry and then take the bus to the bar and drive me home.
Hear ye, hear ye.
We have a new friend joining us tonight.
So let's all raise our glasses.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm kidding.
Drinking glasses.
I'd like to propose a toast.
Wish I had some butter.
Not that kind of toast.
To our new fourth musketeer Toledo Blue.
Wait, wait, that's not right.
Oh, here it is, Cleveland Brown.
So, uh Uh, so you guys watching some football this weekend? I do not own a television.
However, I do rent one every four years for the Winter Olympics.
Oh.
[LESTER, HOLT & TIM LAUGHING.]
Oh, they ordered a pizza to the bar? That's so cool.
Did somebody say pizza? [IN BAD ITALIAN ACCENT.]
That's Italian.
[SINGING.]
When the ALL [OUT OF SYNC.]
: Moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie That's amore Yeah, yeah.
Amore, yeah.
Ho, ho.
This has been the worst 40 minutes of my life.
[SIGHS.]
If you've come for the urine jars, they're under the bed.
No, Mom just wanted to see if you're coming down for dinner tonight.
Dinner? What use is food for a man whose life has no meaning? So you're not coming down to dinner.
Will you sign my report card? Well, let's see how you did.
"A, A-minus, A, A, A-minu" Three tardies? No, I will not sign this.
If you're going downstairs, take a urine ja Uh, uh, uh - She's gone.
- I got it.
I got it.
Whee, whee, whee! All the way home.
[CHUCKLES.]
Huh.
That's just the kind of thing that usually cheers me up too.
ANNOUNCER: We now return to Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Michael Cera in Roots 2: Reparations.
Go, go, go! Um, Kunta, is it? Okay, Kunta? Um, it's no biggie, but I made you a mix tape for the ride, so Shut up, quirky.
I'm taking my people back to Africa.
Back to our roots.
My name is Kunta Kinte 9000.
And you can Kunta kiss my ass.
Roots.
That's it.
Donna.
No time for the stairs.
I'll take the dumbwaiter.
[SIGHS.]
At least the jackass is out of bed.
Donna.
Are you sitting down? Cleveland, I'm standing in front of you.
Good, you'll wanna be standing for this.
Oh, are we done acting like a child? Because I've figured out how to get my mojo back.
I need to reconnect to my roots by going to Africa.
Well, you know what? I actually think that's a great idea.
For all of us.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Sure.
Everybody should come.
Even the kids? I mean, of course the kids.
We'll make it a family trip.
Pack up the urine jars.
The Browns are going to Africa.
[KIDS CHEERING.]
It's always been a dream of mine to go to Africa.
I can't thank you enough, Brown.
I hope you find what you're looking for, man.
Thank you.
Would you like to hear some of my poetry? Africa, Africa Bring me some laugh-rica Gilded stone of yore, bequeath unto me Your vast swaths of being I, like an okapi, run back to the womb Doom, gloom, boom, boom, boom Silence and all is night May I have that? My odes! I'm gonna take a nap.
Junior, you're gonna learn about your heritage too.
Did you know that our ancestors came from Africa? No, I thought we were Scottish.
What the hell's wrong with you, Dad? I'm 14.
CAPTAIN: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Captain.
Sounds weird.
Last week I was a baggage handler.
Anyway, please fasten your seat belts as we begin our initial descent for our layover in Hawaii.
If anybody wants to do peyote buttons, meet me at baggage claim.
I'm going to see my guy.
This place is beautiful.
Screw Africa.
Let's just stay here.
What about getting in touch with our heritage? Pork our heritage.
This place has mai tais.
Besides, Africa isn't going anywhere.
And Hawaii's important too.
The island provides puka shell necklaces for sunburned idiots all over the world.
True.
But Rallo was so excited to go to Africa.
What are we supposed to tell him? Welcome to Africa.
This is Africa? Yep.
This is Africa.
Let's go sightseeing.
[RETCHING.]
What a week, Donna.
Thank God for credit cards.
Why did I care so much about that stupid strikeout? Remember that? Lester struck me out.
We had that bet and everything.
Funny umpire and whatnot.
That stuff's not important.
All it takes to make me happy is an ocean-front infinity pool with a swim-up bar.
- You know, the simple things.
- Well [BELCHES.]
You all right? There's so much in my life I was taking for granted.
- My wife, two great kids.
- Three.
Yep.
This is what I needed.
No, wait.
There she is.
This is what I needed.
Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, it's good to see you back to yourself again.
- What's that? - It's good to see you back to yourself again.
Oh, yeah.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
And I love Africa.
Thought there'd be more black people, though.
CAPTAIN: We're now landing at Stoolbend International Airport.
We apologize ahead of time if you had a pet in the cargo bay.
They're frozen.
Here's a tip for next time don't bring your pet on vacation.
They don't know the difference.
The local time is 2:44.
Oh, Donna, I feel so much better but I bet my former friends didn't even notice I was gone.
No way.
Look.
What happened to our street? [HOWLING.]
Hey, Cleveland.
What a cluster fudge, huh? Cleveland, boy, are we glad to see you.
C-Bro, bad news.
Forgot to water your plants.
Would somebody tell me what the H happened? Turns out years of inbreeding, in this case, did not make me a good racecar driver.
I crashed and broke 95 percent of my skeleton bones.
He couldn't pay the medical bills so Holt and I tried to raise the money with a car wash.
I tore open the fire hydrant so we would have enough water.
Dumbass didn't know how to close it.
Katrina'ed my place.
Made a sinkhole.
House fell in.
Don't tell my mom.
Pulled the power lines with it and we lost all our power.
Meat was gonna spoil, so alls we could do was throw a big block party barbecue.
I offered to be grill master but because of my big, clumsy bear hands, I caught myself on fire.
So I stopped, dropped and rolled right into a pile of dirty tires.
Anyway, while they were trying to put me out we forgot about the meat, and now we got wolves.
Cleveland, none of this would have happened if we had let you drive the car in the drag race.
See, Cleveland? These guys do look up to you.
They're lost without you.
You know what? I guess they do and are, respectively.
Hey, what about that blimp? LESTER: I honestly did not see that until now.
Welcome parents, second wives and Central American nannies.
Today, the kindergarten class will present their very first oral reports on a subject matter of their own choosing.
First up, an adorable little pisher with the cutest little punum Rallo Tubbs.
[CROWD APPLAUDING.]
Welcome to my report, "My Journey to Africa.
" When did Rallo go to Afric? Oh! Africa, a tropical paradise with white sandy beaches and PGA-rated golf courses.
Africa's major exports are pineapples, macadamia nuts and Jack Johnson.
Each morning when you wake up, they leave a copy of Africa's number one newspaper, Oosa Today.
And after several of what are called grown-up drinks it is customary for the elders to sleep half-naked until 3:00 and let you swim in the ocean alone.
So in conclusion, I would like to say thank you.
Or as they say in Africa: "Mahalo for coming to the Mauna Kea Four Seasons.
" Hey, what a cool dad.
Took his kid to Hawaii.
Bye, bye.