The Comedy Get Down (2017) s01e06 Episode Script
Unsuitable
1 [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Is it legit or is it a scam? Hey, Charlie, how come you come to a nice restaurant like this and you order cereal like you're a kid? I save a lot of money eating cereal, man.
It's real good for you.
Sometime, I eat cereal three times a day.
Man, sugar is just another method the government use to keep our children addicted.
You're just confusing cereal with crack.
[LAUGHS.]
Nah, nah, it's a sweet crack.
I hate to interrupt, but Ced, I just got an email confirmation.
Your package is arriving here today.
Is that the package of those DVDs of "The Honeymooners"? The Blu-ray with the director's commentary? Actually, it's individual signed copies of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
" [LAUGHTER AND GROANING.]
Actually, man, it is something I did get for you, though.
Oh, wow.
What's the occasion? I just wanted to do something special for getting us all together and doing this tour, man.
That's all, bro.
- Thanks, Ced.
- Man, you my brother, man.
Oh, man.
Which way - It goes - All right.
- Think they're gonna kiss? - We're in North Carolina.
They better not do that in the bathroom.
Y'all got jokes.
Okay, let's save all this hilarious banter for your live TV interview later.
- What interview? - What live TV interview? "Hollywood All Access"? Charlotte's number one entertainment news show? I guess I shouldn't really call it "All Access" since they don't have the access to Hollywood, unless it comes to visit Charlotte.
But anyway, y'all are doing it at 5:00 today.
This show could really help us sell out tomorrow.
Enjoy the rest of breakfast, which I assume you'll be doing until lunch.
Please be at the studio at 4:00.
Touché.
- Man.
- WHITE TERRY: Hey, guys.
There he is.
Hey, man.
What's up, White Terry? Is there room for me? Look, you can sit down if you can name 10 black comedians that are not sitting at this table.
Uh-oh.
And George is an honorary black comedian, 4%.
4% of my life matters.
[CHUCKLING.]
Um, that's easy.
Tyler Perry.
Come on, man.
Madea.
"Good afternoont"? What the hell are you That's not real.
They are the same person, man.
Um, Don Cheadle? Now you're just naming black people.
I'll just sit over here.
You know what? For that, you're gonna take care of the tip.
Okay.
Leave a big tip.
That's our reputation.
Just write "good afternoont" right there on top of the ticket.
[THEME SONG.]
The Comedy Get Down 1x06 "Unsuitable " Nov 16, 2017 Hey, Mr.
Griffin, Mr.
Murphy.
I just wanted to let you know I got the Escalade ready outside.
Charlotte is your oyster.
Good, 'cause I could [BLEEP.]
10 oysters up.
What's your name again? Keith.
- Keith, do you eat cereal? - Love it.
Stay here and have some cereal with us, man.
Or have some leftovers.
There's kids starvin' in Africa.
So this "Hollywood All Access" show," people actually watch it? Oh, yeah, yeah.
They probably got one of them hot female hosts that would like some Hollywood access their self.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I think we should go on on down there and see which one of us gonna get the access.
[LAUGHTER.]
CHARLIE: I'm gonna get cleaned up real good for this one.
- We got to represent.
- Haircut, shave.
I don't let nobody come to my neck with a straight razor.
I seen "The Color Purple.
" Don't worry about this, guys.
I'll just consult my Yelp app.
Y'all want a great local joint? Sam's Barbershop on 3rd.
You mention my name and they will hook you up.
Actually, why don't I take you, hm? EDDIE: Let's roll, Keith.
There's also The Cut.
It's got a one $ sign.
Mark P.
Gave it four stars, and he's been a Yelper since 2010, so you know you can trust him.
Seriously? Hey, Smurfette is way finer than Betty Boop.
Jessica Rabbit, though.
Oh, you're right.
She's finer.
- Yeah, she is.
- [DOOR KNOCKS.]
Come in.
Hey, hey.
Ced's package arrived.
Ooh, a suit.
Nice.
Hey, man.
This is Yohji.
This ain't cheap.
Wow, check this out.
"A great man deserves a great suit.
"Can't wait to see you wear this on 'Hollywood All Access.
' "With love and friendship, Ced.
" What? That's just touching.
That's nice.
Mm-mm.
I'm not sticking around, watching you get all emotional again.
Hey, in his defense, everybody cried after watching "The Notebook.
" That's true.
I'mma try it on.
Oh, man, Yohji is very expensive.
Steve Harvey don't even shop there, and he got more shows than you.
He got the radio show.
He got the talk show.
He got the gameshow.
I'm hearing that they're even gonna do a "CSI: Steve Harvey.
" GEORGE: Oh, man, what the DL! [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
Come and look at this! Uhuh, man.
First the wine.
Now you want me in the bathroom.
What do I look like, a altar boy? GEORGE: Man, get in here! Damn.
Crazy.
[BLEEP.]
damn! Woo! [LAUGHS.]
Hey, you know what that looks like? What Liberace would wear if he were a Mexican dictator.
GEORGE: What the hell is it? We don't even paint our cars this color! What is this? I can't wear that out! Uh-uh, uh-uh, you have to.
You know how sensitive Ced is, man.
Remember when you forgot his birthday? He didn't talk to us for a week.
No tellin' what he'll do if you don't wear that suit.
It could mess up the harmony of this tour, and nobody [BLEEP.]
up the harmony.
Oh man, come on.
Would you wear that anywhere? Hell no! If I dreamt I wore that shit, I'd wake up and beat the hell out of myself.
But he didn't give it to me.
He gave it to you.
All right, fine, I'll wear it.
Oh, man.
What? It's just hard being an amazing friend.
And he'd be partying back here with his drummer and six hot chicks, except he'd be in, like, women's makeup and a dress.
And they'd party while I drove them around town.
And then he would take off the makeup and the dress.
And then he'd put his rock star clothes on and go do his show.
And no one ever knew.
Dude, them rock stars are crazy mother [BLEEP.]
.
That story was messed up.
Mm-hmm.
Wait, I missed the end.
Can you tell it again? I couldn't hear 'cause I'm the driver, for some reason.
Hey, could you just mind your business, keep your focus on the road, get us to the barbershop safely? Hey, White Terry, you want me to take back the wheel? Yes, and the name is Jeff.
White Terry, Keith is talking.
Now, Keith, back to you.
Finish telling us about when you was driving Bobby Brown.
Oh my god, it was crazy.
Now, was this before Whitney or after? Before, during, and after.
Come on, tell the story! [BLEEP.]
! - What's up, DL? - Hey, Ced.
Hey, George.
I just came by to see if, um, my gift came.
Yeah, it did, Ced.
It came, man.
It damn sure did.
It came, it saw, it conquered.
Well played, Cedric.
Beautiful.
You know I try, man.
So you love it, right? I love it.
I do.
And you know what, man? Listen, it means a lot that would you go to all that trouble for me.
I mean, there was trouble, don't get me wrong, man.
But, uh, it's gonna be all worth it to see you just rockin' that on live TV.
Live TV, wearin' it.
Yeah, here's, uh here's what I'm thinking, okay? I think that the suit is too nice for that show.
Too nice? I'm not following.
I mean I mean, do I do I want to waste that suit on On Charlotte TV at 5 o'clock? I mean, that suit is more New Orleans or Mardi Gras, Europe, deep India, you know? Yeah.
Yeah, you know what? Maybe you're right.
Ah, pshaw.
Listen, Charlotte deserves our very best.
And him in that suit? Mwah! Yes, yes.
You know what? You're right, DL.
George is in Charlotte, man.
You gotta kill it in Charlotte.
Yeah, okay.
Well, you know, to be honest, I mean, I don't wanna make the other guys look bad.
Those fools can't rock a suit like I can.
- You mean Eddie and Charlie? - Obviously.
I mean, don't worry about that, man.
I mean, you know, I'm gonna look nice.
And then DL, of course, you're gonna I always look nice.
George, you gotta think about it.
You are the reason why we're all together.
It's you that put this thing on, and so you should be a cut above everyone, you know? That little bit of extra accoutrements that makes it nicer, you know? We orbit around you.
You're the disco ball that we revolve around.
You make That's you.
That's a great way of putting it.
I love that one.
Great analogy.
And, uh, you know, guys, I get emotional with stuff like this and I don't mean to, you know? Emote, emote.
Come on, Cupcake.
[SNIFFLES.]
But, you know, George, the thing is, is that this means a lot to me, you know? I mean, to have you guys as brothers and to be out on this tour, you know? I didn't grow up with brothers.
I grew up in a single-parent household.
It was my mom and it was my sister.
I mean, I had one cousin, Big Tina.
But, you know, she was a girl, but she was a boy.
And, you know, I spent one summer in chamber choir, but that's not the same, you know? We had two dogs.
We had a girl dog.
We had fish.
They were girls.
And, uh, you know, to be able to have brothers, you know, to have you guys here Especially you, my special Latino brother, mi hermano.
Mi hermano.
That's you, George.
I know what "hermano" mean.
Thanks for your help.
CEDRIC: I can't do it anymore.
Come on, George.
Give me a hug, bruh.
Yes, yeah! You bring it in here too, DL.
Let me squeeze you by your throat.
I'm feeling all the love I can from right here.
All right.
Well, I guess I'll see you guys later.
You know, with that suit on the set.
Only if you really want to wear it.
You know I do.
I want to.
I do, Ced.
- CEDRIC: Of course.
- GEORGE: I do.
- Lovely.
- I do.
- He says he loves it.
- How can he not, man? Look out.
All right, I'm gonna go talk to my friend Sam, the owner.
Make sure you two are taken care of.
You know, Keith is really great.
- The best, man.
- Absolutely, absolutely.
But if you think about it, all he really does is drive a limo.
I mean, I can drive the shit out of a limo, but I can also do a lot of other things.
I'm really good at carrying bags.
I mean, duffle bags, gym bags, grocery bags Anything with a handle, or even without.
Yeah, man.
Bags we got.
I also know what kind of food you like to eat.
I'm really good at keeping the unattractive female fans away from you so you can You know what, White Terry? Man, you really need to learn how to chill.
Me? Chill? I'm totally chill.
I'm one of the most chill guys you'll ever meet in your entire life.
I'm a very chill guy.
It's not like it's a competition, man.
Good.
But if it was, you'd be White Terry livin' in a trailer park.
Cool Keith would be in a penthouse somewhere.
Cool Keith.
His name is Keith.
The dude is cool.
You are white.
Your name is Terry.
White Terry.
- My name is Jeff.
- I didn't know that.
Yeah, Jeff, Jeffrey.
It's a family name.
It's a strong name.
Whatever your name is, you know, a brother's tryin' to get a manicure.
Why don't you get out of the way and give me some space in here? WHITE TERRY: Totally, totally.
- It's too tight.
- All right.
Cool Keith? [BLEEP.]
not very cool if you ask me.
Sir? Seats are for customers only.
Of course.
I am very sorry.
Jesus! The white boy knew where to take us, man.
DL: Woo-wee! You cats look sharp.
What the hell happened to y'all? Keith took us to this barbershop.
Got us dusted off.
DL: I see.
That's pretty cool of Keith.
Matter of fact, Ced, I gave him the nickname Cool Keith.
[LAUGHTER.]
It's got a nice ring to it.
I like it.
I think we ought have the boy full time.
Okay, okay, let's just pump the brakes.
He found one barbershop.
That place I found, The Cut, seemed pretty dope too.
Don't say dope.
You don't say dope.
Man, if Cool Keith wanna go on the road with us, I think we'd be lucky to have him to.
Man, he got some great stories, y'all.
Hey, hey! All right, are we ready? You're on in a few.
- All right, all right.
- Wait, where's George? I am sure that he is working on getting that new suit right.
With a suit like that, you gotta treat that like a woman, you know what I mean? You gotta step into it and you let that suit know.
You gotta go in slow and take your time.
And you gotta let it know that you're ready, and that nobody's gonna get hurt.
So you give it a safe word.
I don't know about that, but now I'm horny as hell.
That's what's important about suits.
I gotta be honest, Ced.
That whole speech sounded a little serial killer-y.
Yeah, you know what? My analogies have been off this week a little bit.
MALE MANAGER: All right, three minutes, then we're on.
Three minutes! I'm, uh, sorry I'm late.
What the [BLEEP.]
is that, George? - Man, you look fly.
- Don't say fly, but thanks.
You guys are just jealous 'cause Ced didn't get you guys one of these suits.
You love it, man? Aw, come on, man.
I mean, what's not to love, huh? You look good.
I'm telling you.
I feel good.
Hey, guys, we're gonna go live in a few min oh! Nice suit, right? You know what? This is real yak from a yak named Gerald.
[LAUGHTER.]
It's interesting, George.
Hey, man.
So, uh, yeah, man, you look good, George.
You're killin' it.
You look like a Mexican drumline.
[LAUGHTER.]
You'd need to take that suit to the cleaners and a car wash.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, George, don't let 'em get to you, man.
They just mad that I didn't get them a prank suit That you're the only one that got a prank suit from me.
What? [LAUGHTER.]
I didn't think you was gonna wear the damn thing.
I'm sorry.
Let me get this straight.
You spent 8 grand on a prank suit? You get it.
You see what I'm sayin'? It makes sense, right? You should've seen his face when he tried this And actually, you can, 'cause I took pictures.
CEDRIC: Aw, that's nice.
That's killing it.
You knew this was a joke? And you didn't? Look at it, man.
Come on, now.
Come on, man.
So what's all that talk about brotherhood and all that? That's just bullshit? That's what brothers do, George.
That's what we do with each other, man.
Ain't no biggie, you know what I'm sayin'? You get me, I get you.
That's what we do.
I'd never do anything to you like that.
I'll just tell you right now.
I know you just didn't let that come out your mouth.
Sending a whole bouquet of flowers with a little teddy bear to Andy Dick from me? And the dude, like, still texts me late night, "U up?" Eew.
All right, all right.
That was a dickish move, but that doesn't equal this.
Andy Dick was a half dick.
No, no, no.
Andy Dick was a full dick move.
If you're gonna do a full dick, I'm doing a full dick.
This is half.
This is half.
Okay, great news.
You can continue discussing who's giving who a fuller dick on the show because it's time right now.
Oh, that's right, man.
[BLEEP.]
that.
I'm gonna take this shit off.
Sit your ass down.
MANAGER: Just fade.
In three, two Live at 5:00, it's "Hollywood All Access" from beautiful downtown Charlotte, where The Comedy Get Down tour is making a long-awaited stop.
[CHUCKLES.]
CEDRIC: Yeah, man, you gotta do it.
Yeah, how 'bout it.
Cool Keith.
Get a little freshening up there, buddy.
Yeah, I'll take a little bit in there.
Very cool, Keith.
Very cool.
Hey, guys, this is awesome.
Ticket sales are already growing.
George, that suit was a hit.
[LAUGHS.]
Who knew the people of Charlotte loved a good prank? Hey, Ceddie Bear, this isn't over, man.
When you least expect it, expect it.
[LAUGHTER.]
George, that was a payback.
You can't pay a payback with another payback.
It's done, man.
Not where he come from, bro.
- Hey, Cool Keith? - Yeah? Why don't you run over there and do a cannonball right next to White Terry? [LAUGHTER.]
Nah, nah, I'm cool being up here with you guys.
Come on! ALL: [CHANTING.]
Cool Keith! Cool Keith! All right.
All right! Here I go! That's what I love about white boys.
You chant their name, they do anything you want.
[LAUGHTER.]
Here I go.
Y'all ready? Make it count! Yeah! What the [BLEEP.]
? What the mother [BLEEP.]
? Cannonball! - Hey, man! - What the [BLEEP.]
? Whoa, dawg.
What's What is that? What is it? It's the Confederate flag.
Hey! Oh, White Terry.
NINA: Keith, what the [BLEEP.]
? Get the [BLEEP.]
out of the water.
He went from Cool Keith to Ku Klux Klan Keith.
No, no, no.
It's not what you think.
You tryin' to tell us our eyes don't work? Ain't that a mother [BLEEP.]
Confederate flag on your mother [BLEEP.]
redneck back? Represent hangin' [BLEEP.]
and shit, bitch! It's a symbol of racism, you ignorant [BLEEP.]
piece of shit.
If I just didn't run out of cocoa butter, I'd jump in that damn water now, fool.
Maybe we oughta call you Racist Keith.
Oh, no, no, I'm not racist.
I was a teenager.
I was drunk with my stepdad.
He's dead now, so that's good, all right? I didn't know what I was doin'.
You gotta believe me.
I'm not racist.
I'm just from the South.
Ugh, god.
All right? It means nothin' to me! I'm ashamed of it.
Prove it.
You are a disgrace to white people.
Ridiculous tattoo.
And that's comin' straight from the mouth of a man with a ridiculous Chinese tattoo on his ankle.
It means love or life.
My sister and I got them together.
It's special.
So this this cover-up tattoo makes it all good again, right? I mean, a lion isn't offensive, is it? Nah.
I [BLEEP.]
like lions.
Due to affirmative action, I don't know if we can fit you.
We've already got our quota covered.
But I will call you when we need another driver.
That is a nice tattoo you got there, bruh.
That's real nice, I'm tellin' you.
Honestly, the lion tattoo? So good.
So good.
King of the jungle.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, are you ready for this next city? Oh! CEDRIC: Superfly T! Oh! Come on.
Lookin' real fly.
You look like a Mexican clown.
[LAUGHTER.]
I love being part of the family, guys.
Well, you know, we oh! Oh, okay.
Let go of me before I put you up for adoption.
[CHUCKLING.]
You know what, White Terry? I apologize.
You were right, man.
You're real good with them duffle bags.
Thank you.
You've got glitter all over you.
Noriega called.
He wants his suit back.
I don't know what that means, but it sounds good.
Is it legit or is it a scam? Hey, Charlie, how come you come to a nice restaurant like this and you order cereal like you're a kid? I save a lot of money eating cereal, man.
It's real good for you.
Sometime, I eat cereal three times a day.
Man, sugar is just another method the government use to keep our children addicted.
You're just confusing cereal with crack.
[LAUGHS.]
Nah, nah, it's a sweet crack.
I hate to interrupt, but Ced, I just got an email confirmation.
Your package is arriving here today.
Is that the package of those DVDs of "The Honeymooners"? The Blu-ray with the director's commentary? Actually, it's individual signed copies of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
" [LAUGHTER AND GROANING.]
Actually, man, it is something I did get for you, though.
Oh, wow.
What's the occasion? I just wanted to do something special for getting us all together and doing this tour, man.
That's all, bro.
- Thanks, Ced.
- Man, you my brother, man.
Oh, man.
Which way - It goes - All right.
- Think they're gonna kiss? - We're in North Carolina.
They better not do that in the bathroom.
Y'all got jokes.
Okay, let's save all this hilarious banter for your live TV interview later.
- What interview? - What live TV interview? "Hollywood All Access"? Charlotte's number one entertainment news show? I guess I shouldn't really call it "All Access" since they don't have the access to Hollywood, unless it comes to visit Charlotte.
But anyway, y'all are doing it at 5:00 today.
This show could really help us sell out tomorrow.
Enjoy the rest of breakfast, which I assume you'll be doing until lunch.
Please be at the studio at 4:00.
Touché.
- Man.
- WHITE TERRY: Hey, guys.
There he is.
Hey, man.
What's up, White Terry? Is there room for me? Look, you can sit down if you can name 10 black comedians that are not sitting at this table.
Uh-oh.
And George is an honorary black comedian, 4%.
4% of my life matters.
[CHUCKLING.]
Um, that's easy.
Tyler Perry.
Come on, man.
Madea.
"Good afternoont"? What the hell are you That's not real.
They are the same person, man.
Um, Don Cheadle? Now you're just naming black people.
I'll just sit over here.
You know what? For that, you're gonna take care of the tip.
Okay.
Leave a big tip.
That's our reputation.
Just write "good afternoont" right there on top of the ticket.
[THEME SONG.]
The Comedy Get Down 1x06 "Unsuitable " Nov 16, 2017 Hey, Mr.
Griffin, Mr.
Murphy.
I just wanted to let you know I got the Escalade ready outside.
Charlotte is your oyster.
Good, 'cause I could [BLEEP.]
10 oysters up.
What's your name again? Keith.
- Keith, do you eat cereal? - Love it.
Stay here and have some cereal with us, man.
Or have some leftovers.
There's kids starvin' in Africa.
So this "Hollywood All Access" show," people actually watch it? Oh, yeah, yeah.
They probably got one of them hot female hosts that would like some Hollywood access their self.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I think we should go on on down there and see which one of us gonna get the access.
[LAUGHTER.]
CHARLIE: I'm gonna get cleaned up real good for this one.
- We got to represent.
- Haircut, shave.
I don't let nobody come to my neck with a straight razor.
I seen "The Color Purple.
" Don't worry about this, guys.
I'll just consult my Yelp app.
Y'all want a great local joint? Sam's Barbershop on 3rd.
You mention my name and they will hook you up.
Actually, why don't I take you, hm? EDDIE: Let's roll, Keith.
There's also The Cut.
It's got a one $ sign.
Mark P.
Gave it four stars, and he's been a Yelper since 2010, so you know you can trust him.
Seriously? Hey, Smurfette is way finer than Betty Boop.
Jessica Rabbit, though.
Oh, you're right.
She's finer.
- Yeah, she is.
- [DOOR KNOCKS.]
Come in.
Hey, hey.
Ced's package arrived.
Ooh, a suit.
Nice.
Hey, man.
This is Yohji.
This ain't cheap.
Wow, check this out.
"A great man deserves a great suit.
"Can't wait to see you wear this on 'Hollywood All Access.
' "With love and friendship, Ced.
" What? That's just touching.
That's nice.
Mm-mm.
I'm not sticking around, watching you get all emotional again.
Hey, in his defense, everybody cried after watching "The Notebook.
" That's true.
I'mma try it on.
Oh, man, Yohji is very expensive.
Steve Harvey don't even shop there, and he got more shows than you.
He got the radio show.
He got the talk show.
He got the gameshow.
I'm hearing that they're even gonna do a "CSI: Steve Harvey.
" GEORGE: Oh, man, what the DL! [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
Come and look at this! Uhuh, man.
First the wine.
Now you want me in the bathroom.
What do I look like, a altar boy? GEORGE: Man, get in here! Damn.
Crazy.
[BLEEP.]
damn! Woo! [LAUGHS.]
Hey, you know what that looks like? What Liberace would wear if he were a Mexican dictator.
GEORGE: What the hell is it? We don't even paint our cars this color! What is this? I can't wear that out! Uh-uh, uh-uh, you have to.
You know how sensitive Ced is, man.
Remember when you forgot his birthday? He didn't talk to us for a week.
No tellin' what he'll do if you don't wear that suit.
It could mess up the harmony of this tour, and nobody [BLEEP.]
up the harmony.
Oh man, come on.
Would you wear that anywhere? Hell no! If I dreamt I wore that shit, I'd wake up and beat the hell out of myself.
But he didn't give it to me.
He gave it to you.
All right, fine, I'll wear it.
Oh, man.
What? It's just hard being an amazing friend.
And he'd be partying back here with his drummer and six hot chicks, except he'd be in, like, women's makeup and a dress.
And they'd party while I drove them around town.
And then he would take off the makeup and the dress.
And then he'd put his rock star clothes on and go do his show.
And no one ever knew.
Dude, them rock stars are crazy mother [BLEEP.]
.
That story was messed up.
Mm-hmm.
Wait, I missed the end.
Can you tell it again? I couldn't hear 'cause I'm the driver, for some reason.
Hey, could you just mind your business, keep your focus on the road, get us to the barbershop safely? Hey, White Terry, you want me to take back the wheel? Yes, and the name is Jeff.
White Terry, Keith is talking.
Now, Keith, back to you.
Finish telling us about when you was driving Bobby Brown.
Oh my god, it was crazy.
Now, was this before Whitney or after? Before, during, and after.
Come on, tell the story! [BLEEP.]
! - What's up, DL? - Hey, Ced.
Hey, George.
I just came by to see if, um, my gift came.
Yeah, it did, Ced.
It came, man.
It damn sure did.
It came, it saw, it conquered.
Well played, Cedric.
Beautiful.
You know I try, man.
So you love it, right? I love it.
I do.
And you know what, man? Listen, it means a lot that would you go to all that trouble for me.
I mean, there was trouble, don't get me wrong, man.
But, uh, it's gonna be all worth it to see you just rockin' that on live TV.
Live TV, wearin' it.
Yeah, here's, uh here's what I'm thinking, okay? I think that the suit is too nice for that show.
Too nice? I'm not following.
I mean I mean, do I do I want to waste that suit on On Charlotte TV at 5 o'clock? I mean, that suit is more New Orleans or Mardi Gras, Europe, deep India, you know? Yeah.
Yeah, you know what? Maybe you're right.
Ah, pshaw.
Listen, Charlotte deserves our very best.
And him in that suit? Mwah! Yes, yes.
You know what? You're right, DL.
George is in Charlotte, man.
You gotta kill it in Charlotte.
Yeah, okay.
Well, you know, to be honest, I mean, I don't wanna make the other guys look bad.
Those fools can't rock a suit like I can.
- You mean Eddie and Charlie? - Obviously.
I mean, don't worry about that, man.
I mean, you know, I'm gonna look nice.
And then DL, of course, you're gonna I always look nice.
George, you gotta think about it.
You are the reason why we're all together.
It's you that put this thing on, and so you should be a cut above everyone, you know? That little bit of extra accoutrements that makes it nicer, you know? We orbit around you.
You're the disco ball that we revolve around.
You make That's you.
That's a great way of putting it.
I love that one.
Great analogy.
And, uh, you know, guys, I get emotional with stuff like this and I don't mean to, you know? Emote, emote.
Come on, Cupcake.
[SNIFFLES.]
But, you know, George, the thing is, is that this means a lot to me, you know? I mean, to have you guys as brothers and to be out on this tour, you know? I didn't grow up with brothers.
I grew up in a single-parent household.
It was my mom and it was my sister.
I mean, I had one cousin, Big Tina.
But, you know, she was a girl, but she was a boy.
And, you know, I spent one summer in chamber choir, but that's not the same, you know? We had two dogs.
We had a girl dog.
We had fish.
They were girls.
And, uh, you know, to be able to have brothers, you know, to have you guys here Especially you, my special Latino brother, mi hermano.
Mi hermano.
That's you, George.
I know what "hermano" mean.
Thanks for your help.
CEDRIC: I can't do it anymore.
Come on, George.
Give me a hug, bruh.
Yes, yeah! You bring it in here too, DL.
Let me squeeze you by your throat.
I'm feeling all the love I can from right here.
All right.
Well, I guess I'll see you guys later.
You know, with that suit on the set.
Only if you really want to wear it.
You know I do.
I want to.
I do, Ced.
- CEDRIC: Of course.
- GEORGE: I do.
- Lovely.
- I do.
- He says he loves it.
- How can he not, man? Look out.
All right, I'm gonna go talk to my friend Sam, the owner.
Make sure you two are taken care of.
You know, Keith is really great.
- The best, man.
- Absolutely, absolutely.
But if you think about it, all he really does is drive a limo.
I mean, I can drive the shit out of a limo, but I can also do a lot of other things.
I'm really good at carrying bags.
I mean, duffle bags, gym bags, grocery bags Anything with a handle, or even without.
Yeah, man.
Bags we got.
I also know what kind of food you like to eat.
I'm really good at keeping the unattractive female fans away from you so you can You know what, White Terry? Man, you really need to learn how to chill.
Me? Chill? I'm totally chill.
I'm one of the most chill guys you'll ever meet in your entire life.
I'm a very chill guy.
It's not like it's a competition, man.
Good.
But if it was, you'd be White Terry livin' in a trailer park.
Cool Keith would be in a penthouse somewhere.
Cool Keith.
His name is Keith.
The dude is cool.
You are white.
Your name is Terry.
White Terry.
- My name is Jeff.
- I didn't know that.
Yeah, Jeff, Jeffrey.
It's a family name.
It's a strong name.
Whatever your name is, you know, a brother's tryin' to get a manicure.
Why don't you get out of the way and give me some space in here? WHITE TERRY: Totally, totally.
- It's too tight.
- All right.
Cool Keith? [BLEEP.]
not very cool if you ask me.
Sir? Seats are for customers only.
Of course.
I am very sorry.
Jesus! The white boy knew where to take us, man.
DL: Woo-wee! You cats look sharp.
What the hell happened to y'all? Keith took us to this barbershop.
Got us dusted off.
DL: I see.
That's pretty cool of Keith.
Matter of fact, Ced, I gave him the nickname Cool Keith.
[LAUGHTER.]
It's got a nice ring to it.
I like it.
I think we ought have the boy full time.
Okay, okay, let's just pump the brakes.
He found one barbershop.
That place I found, The Cut, seemed pretty dope too.
Don't say dope.
You don't say dope.
Man, if Cool Keith wanna go on the road with us, I think we'd be lucky to have him to.
Man, he got some great stories, y'all.
Hey, hey! All right, are we ready? You're on in a few.
- All right, all right.
- Wait, where's George? I am sure that he is working on getting that new suit right.
With a suit like that, you gotta treat that like a woman, you know what I mean? You gotta step into it and you let that suit know.
You gotta go in slow and take your time.
And you gotta let it know that you're ready, and that nobody's gonna get hurt.
So you give it a safe word.
I don't know about that, but now I'm horny as hell.
That's what's important about suits.
I gotta be honest, Ced.
That whole speech sounded a little serial killer-y.
Yeah, you know what? My analogies have been off this week a little bit.
MALE MANAGER: All right, three minutes, then we're on.
Three minutes! I'm, uh, sorry I'm late.
What the [BLEEP.]
is that, George? - Man, you look fly.
- Don't say fly, but thanks.
You guys are just jealous 'cause Ced didn't get you guys one of these suits.
You love it, man? Aw, come on, man.
I mean, what's not to love, huh? You look good.
I'm telling you.
I feel good.
Hey, guys, we're gonna go live in a few min oh! Nice suit, right? You know what? This is real yak from a yak named Gerald.
[LAUGHTER.]
It's interesting, George.
Hey, man.
So, uh, yeah, man, you look good, George.
You're killin' it.
You look like a Mexican drumline.
[LAUGHTER.]
You'd need to take that suit to the cleaners and a car wash.
[LAUGHTER.]
Hey, George, don't let 'em get to you, man.
They just mad that I didn't get them a prank suit That you're the only one that got a prank suit from me.
What? [LAUGHTER.]
I didn't think you was gonna wear the damn thing.
I'm sorry.
Let me get this straight.
You spent 8 grand on a prank suit? You get it.
You see what I'm sayin'? It makes sense, right? You should've seen his face when he tried this And actually, you can, 'cause I took pictures.
CEDRIC: Aw, that's nice.
That's killing it.
You knew this was a joke? And you didn't? Look at it, man.
Come on, now.
Come on, man.
So what's all that talk about brotherhood and all that? That's just bullshit? That's what brothers do, George.
That's what we do with each other, man.
Ain't no biggie, you know what I'm sayin'? You get me, I get you.
That's what we do.
I'd never do anything to you like that.
I'll just tell you right now.
I know you just didn't let that come out your mouth.
Sending a whole bouquet of flowers with a little teddy bear to Andy Dick from me? And the dude, like, still texts me late night, "U up?" Eew.
All right, all right.
That was a dickish move, but that doesn't equal this.
Andy Dick was a half dick.
No, no, no.
Andy Dick was a full dick move.
If you're gonna do a full dick, I'm doing a full dick.
This is half.
This is half.
Okay, great news.
You can continue discussing who's giving who a fuller dick on the show because it's time right now.
Oh, that's right, man.
[BLEEP.]
that.
I'm gonna take this shit off.
Sit your ass down.
MANAGER: Just fade.
In three, two Live at 5:00, it's "Hollywood All Access" from beautiful downtown Charlotte, where The Comedy Get Down tour is making a long-awaited stop.
[CHUCKLES.]
CEDRIC: Yeah, man, you gotta do it.
Yeah, how 'bout it.
Cool Keith.
Get a little freshening up there, buddy.
Yeah, I'll take a little bit in there.
Very cool, Keith.
Very cool.
Hey, guys, this is awesome.
Ticket sales are already growing.
George, that suit was a hit.
[LAUGHS.]
Who knew the people of Charlotte loved a good prank? Hey, Ceddie Bear, this isn't over, man.
When you least expect it, expect it.
[LAUGHTER.]
George, that was a payback.
You can't pay a payback with another payback.
It's done, man.
Not where he come from, bro.
- Hey, Cool Keith? - Yeah? Why don't you run over there and do a cannonball right next to White Terry? [LAUGHTER.]
Nah, nah, I'm cool being up here with you guys.
Come on! ALL: [CHANTING.]
Cool Keith! Cool Keith! All right.
All right! Here I go! That's what I love about white boys.
You chant their name, they do anything you want.
[LAUGHTER.]
Here I go.
Y'all ready? Make it count! Yeah! What the [BLEEP.]
? What the mother [BLEEP.]
? Cannonball! - Hey, man! - What the [BLEEP.]
? Whoa, dawg.
What's What is that? What is it? It's the Confederate flag.
Hey! Oh, White Terry.
NINA: Keith, what the [BLEEP.]
? Get the [BLEEP.]
out of the water.
He went from Cool Keith to Ku Klux Klan Keith.
No, no, no.
It's not what you think.
You tryin' to tell us our eyes don't work? Ain't that a mother [BLEEP.]
Confederate flag on your mother [BLEEP.]
redneck back? Represent hangin' [BLEEP.]
and shit, bitch! It's a symbol of racism, you ignorant [BLEEP.]
piece of shit.
If I just didn't run out of cocoa butter, I'd jump in that damn water now, fool.
Maybe we oughta call you Racist Keith.
Oh, no, no, I'm not racist.
I was a teenager.
I was drunk with my stepdad.
He's dead now, so that's good, all right? I didn't know what I was doin'.
You gotta believe me.
I'm not racist.
I'm just from the South.
Ugh, god.
All right? It means nothin' to me! I'm ashamed of it.
Prove it.
You are a disgrace to white people.
Ridiculous tattoo.
And that's comin' straight from the mouth of a man with a ridiculous Chinese tattoo on his ankle.
It means love or life.
My sister and I got them together.
It's special.
So this this cover-up tattoo makes it all good again, right? I mean, a lion isn't offensive, is it? Nah.
I [BLEEP.]
like lions.
Due to affirmative action, I don't know if we can fit you.
We've already got our quota covered.
But I will call you when we need another driver.
That is a nice tattoo you got there, bruh.
That's real nice, I'm tellin' you.
Honestly, the lion tattoo? So good.
So good.
King of the jungle.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, are you ready for this next city? Oh! CEDRIC: Superfly T! Oh! Come on.
Lookin' real fly.
You look like a Mexican clown.
[LAUGHTER.]
I love being part of the family, guys.
Well, you know, we oh! Oh, okay.
Let go of me before I put you up for adoption.
[CHUCKLING.]
You know what, White Terry? I apologize.
You were right, man.
You're real good with them duffle bags.
Thank you.
You've got glitter all over you.
Noriega called.
He wants his suit back.
I don't know what that means, but it sounds good.