The Consultant (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

Sick

1
Frank Florez. If you want to know
what he's made of, find Frank Florez.
Did Patoff ever tell you about somebody
- named Frank Florez?
- Doesn't ring a bell.
Under my guidance, Mr. Sang,
people will idolize you.
One day, they'll kneel before you.
You should wear that on Monday.
- Monday?
- Church.
We're meeting Father Stellan.
The situation is more
dire than I anticipated.
Unless we act now,
we will not survive another six weeks.
Am I his assistant
now, or is it still you?
You are. I'm his creative liaison.
The game that you liked.
Red button with the CW on it.
You're all set. Florez?
I think I found him.
I installed some stalker-ware
on Patoff's phone.
Mr. Sang will guide
us through the storm.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[BEEPING]
[EXHALING]
[BUZZING]
[CRAIG] Hello? Mr. Patoff?
It's a beautiful morning Craig.
I'm sorry to call you
so early. I just
I've been up most of
the night with this bug
that's been going around. [COUGHING]
A bug?
Yeah. Yeah. Everybody's
been coming down with it.
It's just, you know, red
eyes and chesty cough.
Anyways, I just wanted to
call you as soon as I could
and, say, uh you know
[PATOFF] What?
I I won't be at work today.
Mr. Patoff?
Where will you be instead?
I'll be at home, in bed.
But [COUGHS] Raul's
up to speed on everything,
and I'm contactable by
phone if anything comes up.
Mr. Patoff?

[CHATTING INDISTINCTLY]
[PATOFF LAUGHING]
I can see that Mr. Sang is providing us
with great humor this morning.
Laughter is good for productivity.
Good for health, for mental well-being.
[PATOFF LAUGHING]
And unfortunately, we
start the day with sad news.
Craig Horne, one of our senior coders,
was taken ill in the night.
Craig was a loyal servant to
Mr. Sang for over two years,
and he'll be a great loss to our family.
I'll ask you all to bow your heads
and pray for him.
In happier news,
Ursula from marketing
has relocated to Boston,
where her father is recovering
from a heart episode.
She and her partner,
Katherine, will be nursing him
as they look to restart
their careers in a new state.
I derived from our conversation
that Ursula lies with a woman.
Her office in the managerial suite
is vacant now.
Who would like it?
Nobody?

I'll let you all decide.
Whoever wants it most is welcome to it.
[PEOPLE MURMURING INDISTINCTLY]
Wait. Is he serious?
[PEOPLE MURMURING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh! Ow! Bitch!
[PANTING]
[GRUNTING, YELPING]
[PANTING]
[MAN] Bitch.
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
Hey. Are you okay?
I'm in Pomona. I'm three minutes out
- from Frank Florez's store.
- [ELAINE] I thought that
we were heading out there
together this weekend.
I know, but I couldn't wait.
I called in sick, and I told Patti
that I was going into work,
and I hopped on a train instead.
I'm Ferris fucking Bueller today.
What did you tell Patoff you had?
Just the standard cough splutter.
Be careful, Craig.
You don't know how
those two are connected.
Oh, come on. I got a whole
cover story planned out.
I was sketching wedding bands
on the train. You know me.
It's for Craig.
- We're sending macaroons.
- Okay.
[CRAIG LAUGHS]
I'm a very convincing
liar when I need to be.
Better than you know.
Bye.
[BUZZING]
[CLANKING]
[BUZZING]
[CLANKING]
[CHUCKLES] A customer.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah! Hi! Are you the owner?
Frank Florez. Established since 1983.
I was hoping to get
some wedding bands made,
something like this,
with the head and the tail overlapping.
Thought it'd be really cool.
Do you love this woman?
Yeah, very much.
Don't put an eel on her finger.
It's supposed to be a snake.
Ladies love gold.
Simple.
Traditional.
- How did you hear about me?
- Oh, it was a referral
from my friend Milani.
Russian woman?
Perhaps long ago.
Yeah. No. I I think
you'd remember this one.
We actually all have a
mutual friend in common
Regus Patoff.

[CLICK, SECURITY GATE CLANGING]
Uh, did I did I say
something to upset you?
Registered at the United
States Patent Office.
Excuse me?
Regus Patoff.
You asked me if I knew him,
and I'm telling you
he doesn't exist.
Oh, I'm sorry. I know that I've
made a huge mistake coming here.
Regus Patoff is no friend of mine.
If you just unlock the gates,
I won't bother you again,
I promise you.
You met him?
What?
In the flesh?
You've seen him?
Every fucking day from 10:00 to 6:00.
Now you wanna tell
me how you know him?
Come on back.

[ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]
We have the build budget
for Upskirt Jungle.
It tentatively starts testing next week,
and right now, it's a tentative maybe,
unless we venture into overtime, and
Eric thinks he deserves it,
but Trisha will not give it
up without a fight. You'll see.
Things don't usually
work this way around here.
You didn't raise your arm, Elaine.
I noticed.
Am I to assume that you do not want
an office in the managerial suite?
I would love one,
but when I get my own office,
it will be through merit.
Ah, merit is a much overrated
commodity in business.
Who climbs to the top of the tree,
that's who succeeds.
[ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]
[MAN] I know she doesn't deserve it.
[CLANGING]
Is this your office?
I don't work much these days.
[CRAIG] Yeah. It's tough out there.
This is the first piece
I ever made for him.
[CRAIG] What is it, a tie pin?
I didn't know myself
at first.
We used to get a lot of doctors in here.
There's a hospital three blocks away,
and they'd sometimes browse
during their shift breaks.
She said she wanted something made,
a gift for a special person.
[TORCH WHOOSHING]
[HISSING]
[WHIRRING]
It had to be precise
to her measurements.
That was the only stipulation.
This is the first time
I ever saw his name.
Over the next three years,
I would see it 205 more times.
[ROSIE] Hi. This is Rosie from CompWare.
I left a voicemail yesterday,
but I'm still waiting
for someone to get back to me.

Patti.
Hey, Raul. How you doing?
Shit. Are are you here
to take his stuff away?
What?
Patti. Hi!
- Elaine.
- Yes. The drinks thing.
- [CHUCKLING]
- We had a bit of a shuffle
around here, so why don't I
show you where everything is now?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Congratulations on your engagement!
- Oh.
- Yeah. Craig was telling me
he was thinking about
designing matching rings.
Oh, I'd love to see him
try. Where is Captain Lazy?
Um I think he went
out with the others.
A lunch meeting. Boring tech stuff.
Brought sushi. Wanted to surprise him.
Oh, Passion Roll.
He likes their crunchy rice.
Mm. Well, I'll call him. Um
Okay.
It was nice to see you, um
- Elaine.
- Elaine.
Yeah.
[CRAIG] Leave a message. Thanks.
- [BEEPING]
- Hey, babe. I'm at your office.
Where are you? Call me back.
- We have a guest.
- [ELAINE] Oh!
Mr. Patoff, this is Patti.
- She
- You're Patoff.
The Patoff.
You must be Craig's fiancée.
How are you coping in
this impossible time?
What can your CompWare
family do to help?
- What's that?
- Craig's sickness.
He telephoned me this morning
and sounded close to the end.
- Craig called in sick?
- I think there's been
- some miscommunication or
- [PATOFF] Elaine
Sorry. I corrected those budget items.
They are on your desk.
I'll get on that.
I appear to have upset you.
It's not you.
[CRAIG] Leave a message. Thanks.
- [BEEPING]
- You're in deep shit.
Call me.
[SIGHING]
[ENGINE GRINDING]
[ENGINE GRINDING, CLICKING]
[CHUCKLING]
[MOANING SOFTLY]
[INHALING DEEPLY]
[EXHALING]
- [GASPS]
- Your battery is drained.
No.
[ENGINE GRINDING]
You'll only make the situation worse.
[ENGINE GRINDING]
Rosie can call you a mechanic,
and you can wait inside.
I'm fine out here.
It's 100 degrees.
Your air conditioning will not work,
and your sushi will rot.
[EXHALES]
They kept coming in.
One a week.
Two a week.
I'd never know when the next one
was gonna walk through the door.
[BUZZING]
[HISSING]
They had me working day and night.
The money was so good.
The kids were in college.
I I couldn't say no!
Betty understood
for most of it.
I couldn't keep up.
The pieces kept getting
bigger, more intricate.
I was buying all the gold
I could get my hands on.
Local suppliers.
Overseas markets.
And when that wasn't enough
I turned to my beloved.

How are the wedding preparations?
Oh, pretty much there.
Um, of course, it's down to
me to plan the whole circus.
- Circus?
- Oh.
[LAUGHING] No, no, not literally.
- Ah.
- No. Um, the church is booked.
The people are invited.
The only thing that could derail us now
is if Craig doesn't show
up to his RCIA classes.
Mm. If he cannot show up to work
Oh, I I know he he looks
like he doesn't try half the time,
but he's a good guy. I love him.
[CHUCKLING]
Well, I don't know Craig very well,
but you know what I see in him?
[PATTI] Mm.
The love he holds for another.
That's so sweet. [CHUCKLING]
Thank you.
You know, you are not at
all like he described you.
[LAUGHING] I can only imagine
the gossip they're
spreading about the new boss.
Well, you you came
at a difficult time.
You know, the whole Sang
thing. It's just horrible.
If it helps them to see
me as a monster, so be it.
Enough about me. I'm
interested in you, Patricia.
- Oh.
- What do you do?
Well, I work for a plastic
surgeon in Beverly Hills.
We mostly do body contouring
like, sucking stuff out, stretching,
removing the odd rib
here and there. [LAUGHING]
Sounds like it could
almost be one of our games.
Yes. [LAUGHING] Mm-hmm. Yeah.
How about me? What would you improve?
- My nose, perhaps?
- Mm
You look pretty symmetrical to me.
And you're in good shape.
[PATTI LAUGHING]
Oh, it looks like I'm ready to roll.
[PATTI CHUCKLING]
But, uh, thank you so much,
Mr. Patoff, for keeping me company.
- Regus.
- Oh, right. Regus.
I don't work for you. [LAUGHING]
Yet.
Right. Well thank you. [CHUCKLING]
He replaced the battery.
Oh. How much?
Mr. Patoff took care of it.
Oh.
- Excuse
- Oh!
Um
Um do you need help?
- I'll get there.
- Can I make a suggestion?
I've worked with people
with disabilities,
and I I think I may be able to help.
[CRAIG] Regus Patoff commissioned you
to make a solid gold skeleton?
Not directly.
Up to 20 different doctors,
specialists in their own fields.
In today's prices [SCOFFING]
$25 million of gold.
After I cast the skull,
I didn't leave the house for a year.
I couldn't stop seeing him everywhere.
That's when it all
started to disappear
the passing trade,
the neighborhood
and eventually, Betty.
[CRAIG EXHALING]
I'm sorry that he did
that to you, Frank.
Where is he now?
He's in Los Angeles.
He's a consultant.
One day, he just moved into our firm,
and he took over.
Describe him for me.
Patoff? He's just a regular guy.
How tall?
About up to here.
He's trim. He's angular.
He's greying.
And he's got these "fuck you" eyes.
How much does he weigh?
[PATTI] All right. Now,
remember what I taught you.
There's a straight line
dropping down from the sky
- through your core.
- [GLASS CRACKING]
- Yes, yes, that's it.
- [GLASS CRACKING]
Good job.
- Right.
- [GLASS CRACKING]
[METAL CREAKING]
Oh. Yes. Three more.
You can do it.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes. You got this.
- [GLASS CRACKING]
- You got it. You got it.
You got it. You're doing it.
Okay.
One more.
[LAUGHING]
Thank you.
Okay.
[CLEARING THROAT]
Oh, my God. [EXHALING]
[CHIMING]
My fiancée's checking in on me.
Swear to God, she
calls me 25 times a day.
When is the wedding?
September. It's a whole church deal.
Somehow, I got me a good
old-fashioned Catholic girl.
[PATTI] Hey, babe. I'm at your office.
Where are you? Call me back.
Oh, fuck.
Whatever you do,
don't lose her to him.
I I think I got to get back.
- Thank you.
- Mm.
[CLICKING, GATE WHIRRING]
[SIGHING]
Ow!
Ah!
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING]
[APE GRUNTING]
[RHINO GROWLING]
[ANIMAL NOISES CONTINUING]
[ANIMAL NOISES OVERLAPPING]
- [GUN COCKING]
- [GASPS]
[PANICKED ANIMAL YELPING]
[GUN FIRING]
[GUN COCKING, FIRING]
[CRAIG WHIMPERING]
He knows you're here. Go. Go, go, go.
[PANTING]
[PEOPLE SHOUTING]
Stop it! Stop it!
[PEOPLE SHOUTING]
Stop! Stay out of it, Elaine.
No! Stop it! Stop it! Ah!
You know how hard
Eric's worked for this.
[TRISHA PANTING]
You're not getting
away with this, Janelle!
[KNOCKING]
[IAIN] I'm busy! Come back later!
[PANTING]
- Iain?
- Oh, thank God it's just you.
Uh, shut the door behind you.
[PANTING]
- Are you okay?
- They are savages.
I mean, you saw what
they just did to Trisha.
Everybody's been on
edge since he's arrived.
They're not thinking straight.
You can excuse that behavior?
- No! Of course not!
- What if they come for me next?
I don't do well around conflict, Elaine.
I never even wanted this damn office.
I'd be happy working
on the on the steps.
- You would?
- You'd tell me if they were
planning something, wouldn't you?
Well, uh
there has been some talk.
Oh, God. Oh God
Who? Who are they sending?
Hasn't been decided yet.
I don't know how to fight.
I'll just hang something
white outside the door!
I'll surrender! It's
not embarrassing, is it?
I might be able to help you out, Iain,
just until all of this blows over.
[KEY TURNING IN LOCK]
Craig!
Hey. Hey.
- [MOANING]
- What are you doing home?
Oh, I felt sick on the
way in, so I headed back.
Sorry. I should've told you.
I brought sushi in for
you. You weren't there.
Oh, babe. You went into the office?
- That's so romantic.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
I ran into that Elaine girl.
Missing-tooth Elaine?
The other one. She thought
you were in a lunch meeting?
Oh. [CHUCKLING, SNIFFLING]
You know. Ditzy Elaine.
You're hot.
You're ghost white.
I told you. I'm sick.
You rest up, baby.
I'll take care of you.
Thank you.
[APE, RHINO, ELEPHAN
NOISES OVERLAPPING]
[CHIMING]
[ELVIS PRESLEY: "YOU'RE
THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE"]
You look like an angel,
look like an angel ♪
Walk like an angel,
walk like an angel ♪
Talk like an angel ♪
But I got wise ♪
You're the devil in disguise ♪
Oh, yes, you are, devil in disguise ♪
You fooled me with your kisses ♪
You cheated and you schemed ♪
Heaven knows how you lied to me ♪
You're not the way you seemed ♪
You look like an angel,
look like an angel ♪
Walk like an angel,
walk like an angel ♪
Talk like an angel ♪
But I got wise ♪
You're the devil in disguise ♪
Oh, yes, you are,
devil in disguise ♪

[BUZZING]
[BUZZING]

You're the devil in disguise ♪
Oh, yes, you are, devil in disguise ♪
I thought that I was in heaven ♪
But I was sure surprised ♪
Heaven help me, I didn't see ♪
The devil in your eyes ♪
You're the devil in disguise ♪
Oh, yes, you are, devil in disguise ♪
You're the devil in disguise ♪
Oh, yes, you are, devil in disguise ♪
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