The Crown (2016) s03e10 Episode Script

Cri de Coeur

How are you? I'm fine.
You don't look fine.
It's quarter to twelve.
- Where are the children? - Nanny.
They wouldn't like me before midday.
What happened here? An exchange of views.
Oh, Margaret.
I forget what about.
There are so many exchanges of views these days.
I thought things had moved on.
- Oh, they've moved on, all right.
He's moved on.
On to the next one.
He can't help himself.
My priapic little snapper.
You've never told me about the wallpaper.
The rogue's gallery.
Isn't it fun? I did it to remind Princess Margaret that her family has as many skeletons in the cupboard as anyone else's.
- House of Windsor? House of Horrors, more like.
I hope she saw the funny side.
God, no.
She said as long as that wallpaper was there, she'd never come to the house.
Not that she needed an excuse.
She always hated it here.
She considers it as ugly, misshapen, and common as me.
- The failure of our marriage could not be better encapsulated by the two houses, the two dwellings, in which she and I are most comfortable.
- Hers - [BLOWS SMOKE.]
some insect-infested gin palace given to her by fawning sycophants.
And this is mine.
Oh, you two.
I know.
And poor you to get caught up in it.
My advice would be to escape while you still can.
I'll never be able to give you what you want.
She'll never divorce me.
She might if she falls in love with someone else.
What makes you think that will happen? Well, you did.
Didn't you? [SIGHS.]
You're right.
I did.
With MPs from smaller parties holding the balance of power, both Labour and the Tories look unable to reach the magic number of 318.
I'm sure it was her.
- The Thing? - [ANNE.]
She has a name, you know.
Yes, and, um, I have been told it, but I can never remember, so I call her the Thing.
- Lucy Lindsay-Hogg.
- Hm-hmm.
The Thing.
And the car she climbed into outside looked very much like Tony's.
I suppose they're in Sussex now.
- Ugly little house.
- Hmm.
- Dreadful little shed.
And he thinks I'll take the humiliation lying down, does he? Well, he's got another thing coming.
May I speak frankly, ma'am? As a friend? I can think of several couples of whom it could be observed that having not found the contentment they desired within matrimony, have chosen to live apart, and appeared happier.
Tony and I will never let go of one another.
And it's not just because divorce is incompatible with my faith, but because this is just how we like it.
War is our love.
A brutal fight to the death is our mating dance, and I speak for both of us when I say we wouldn't want it any other way.
Contentment is dull, and Tony and I are anything but dull.
We can now say with near certainty that neither party will achieve a majority.
So, the clock is now ticking for Ted Heath to form an alliance with Jeremy Thorpe's Liberal Party.
If he can't, we might well see a return to power for Harold Wilson.
If you can call a minority government "power.
" What a mess.
I mean, honestly, can you remember a time when the country was in worse shape? Or one had as little confidence in one's leaders? - Speaking of bad shape - One wakes up in the morning flinching.
How could matters get any worse? What more could possibly go wrong? And then you come down to breakfast, you see the newspapers, and you realize, they've done it again.
Margaret's birthday is coming up.
I mean, right now the United Kingdom is the equivalent of a patient dying on the operating table and the surgeons, no, the butchers, no, sorry, the murderers responsible for causing that death are seeking re-election.
Instead of throwing them in jail, the people, like lemmings, are queuing up to extend their bloody contracts.
She called me late last night.
Said she had something important to discuss.
- Who? - Margaret.
- She's run out of tonic? - No.
- Been knocked up by one of the footmen? - Philip! You wouldn't put it past her.
I worry it's Tony.
Ready? Mr.
Heath came to tell me that he was unable to form a coalition with the Ulster Unionists or the Liberals, which left him with no alternative but to resign, at which point, I don't mind admitting, I let out an unconstitutional cheer.
- Huzzah! - Privately, I hope.
Well, it's not his politics I object to so much as his company.
And now Mr.
Wilson, who, I must say, looks very tired and not at all well, is back again as prime minister of a minority government, and the best we can hope for is that he can survive until the next election in the autumn.
Oh, really? Yes, that's Oh! [CHATTER FADES OUT.]
- [DING.]
I have asked you all here, my family, on the occasion of my birthday.
- Many happy returns.
- Happy birthday, Margot.
If you've noticed that my dear husband is not at my side on this joyous occasion, it is because he is now betraying me, and not just in private, but openly, in public, too.
And I don't think we should take this lying down.
- We? - [MARGARET.]
Yes, "we," Mummy.
If Tony insults me, by implication, he's insulting the whole of the family, too.
- I'm not sure I follow that logic.
- What would you like us to do? Send a clear signal to the world whose side you're on.
- And impose sanctions.
- What? What kind of sanctions? No more invitations to royal events.
No more royal photographs.
No more access to Crown property.
Hit him where it hurts.
Punish him.
Draw blood.
Where is he now? He left the country this morning, to make one of his films.
Ghana, was it? Or did you say Guinea? - [MARGARET.]
- Ah.
With the Thing.
- The what? - I'll explain later.
I rather liked his last film.
Was that the one about dwarfs? Yes, it's short.
It had compassion.
It had kindness.
In fact, I think that's the thing I most like about Tony.
And his wit.
Yes, and the fact that he's generous enough to flirt with his mother-in-law.
- I'm going to throw up.
He cares.
All right, Mummy.
He has a heart.
Not that his wife or children have noticed.
His charity work for the disabled, and the way he was at Aberfan was remarkable [OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
Enough! Enough! Why do you do this, Mummy? Why do you all do this? Why do you always, always take his side? This is my birthday party.
And when I tell you that my husband is out of the country betraying me with another woman, instead of supporting me and and condemning him, you just sit here praising him to the sky.
My family.
My own flesh and blood.
My birthday.
Perhaps we're just sick to the back teeth of you, and have sympathy for him.
- Philip! - Well, I mean Am I wrong? Hands up anyone who thinks I'm wrong.
We should eat these before they get cold, shouldn't we? She'll be all right in a minute.
I hate them.
- I hate them.
- [ANNE.]
Why don't you come here, ma'am? Come to Glen.
We've invited a few guests for the weekend.
Come here.
You might even enjoy it.
- I don't have the time.
- Make time! You make time for her! - What a brat you are! - You're a shit! - No! Tony! - Piss off! [BIRDS CHIRP.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Everyone back inside.
What about Hugo? We were thinking of tying a ribbon round him for you.
Oof, no.
How could he ever be thrilled with me? He's so excessively thrilled with himself.
Or Clive? - Clive? - Hmm.
He's married.
So are you, ma'am.
Yes, I do know that.
His wife is known to give him the green light to play away.
Word is he's quite the virtuoso.
What about him? The one with all his clothes on.
Oh, that's Roddy.
You must know his brother, Dai.
Or his father, Harry Llewellyn, the Olympic show jumper.
Roddy! Roddy.
Hmm! Your Royal Highness, how do you do? You're you're perspiring.
Uh, true, I am, ma'am.
So, why don't you jump in the pool? [RODDY.]
Well, I didn't bring any trunks.
- That was stupid.
- [RODDY.]
No, it wasn't.
Yes, it was.
I just said it was.
It can't be stupid.
I don't possess any trunks.
That's not just stupid, that's absurd.
Where's the nearest town? Oh You know, this really wasn't necessary.
On the contrary.
It was essential.
I mean, everyone else coming along, too.
Hmm? They're not coming with us.
I wouldn't let them.
No, they're going for lunch, while we go shopping.
So, apart from owning a woefully inadequate wardrobe, what is that you do? A research assistant at the College of Arms.
Uh, which involves genealogical research, - and boning up on heraldry.
- Hmm.
I also have a mobile disco company, called Vibrations.
And I clean the floors in a gallery on the Fulham Road at night.
But all of this is just to fund my real passion.
Have we got to the end of the answer yet? I'm rather regretting asking.
What nice hands you've got.
- Have I? - Hmm.
How nice you'd not noticed.
It's so nice when a man is unaware of his best features.
And so sad when a lady hides hers.
Did you mean these? No.
What, then? Your smile.
I've forgotten how.
- Where are we? - [DRIVER.]
Peebles, ma'am.
Where? - Oh.
- Ah.
This is the hotel.
We'll be in the bar waiting for you.
The department store's over there on the right.
You can't miss it.
- Would you - OK.
Oh, God.
We've stumbled upon an experiment in Excuse me.
Your Royal Highness.
- Gentleman's bathing trunks, please.
- Um - What size are you? - Uh, small.
I sincerely hope not.
He means slim.
Did we ever get to the bit where you told me your passion in life? No.
Then what is it? Gardening, ma'am.
Ah These, please.
No, these.
I'm paying.
I choose.
Try them on.
You know, I have a garden that needs doing.
Do you? I imagine you must have an army of gardeners.
Don't believe everything you hear.
No, my garden is quite neglected.
- Especially the one in Mustique.
- [RODDY.]
Where? It's a small private island in the Caribbean.
How lovely.
My husband hates it.
But since I hate my husband, what he thinks is irrelevant.
You know, in the Caribbean, they have one of my favorite trees.
The silk cotton tree.
The challenge for any gardener is to judge the right amount of pruning.
Is that so? [RODDY.]
Well, you need very nimble fingers.
And do you have nimble, as well as pretty fingers? I do.
Hmm! Perfect.
She goes in and out and in And out and in and out and in and out 'Cause she's playing all night And the music's all right Mama's got a squeeze box Daddy never sleeps at night - [RODDY.]
Solo or duet? - [GUESTS.]
I'm just a girl, a wonderful girl I'm the sweetest one in town You can search for miles around But not one like me can be found You've got a smile, a wonderful smile And a certain little wave And every time the boys get near me They look and me and say "Red hot mama, red hot mama You're the one we need Red hot mama, some charmer Yes, indeed" [MARGARET.]
They say That I should be in the follies Hot tamales I have a pair of eyes Just like old Svengali's [RODDY.]
I confess that you possess The sweetest charms in town And unless I miss my guess The boys all follow you around I make a music master drop his fiddle Make a bald-headed man Part his hair in the middle Red hot mama, red hot mama I'll have to turn my damper down Red hot mama, red hot mama You're the one we need Red hot mama, some charmer Yes, indeed [CHEERING.]
When she went to bed, did you notice? [COLIN.]
Of course I noticed.
Everyone noticed.
At the top of the stairs, instead of turning right - [COLIN.]
He turned left.
- [ANNE.]
What have we done? - This could come back to haunt us.
- Why? It will look like we've encouraged the Queen's sister to betray her husband.
She's not betraying Tony.
She's with Tony.
Can't you see? - Slim, Welsh, reddish hair.
- Hmm.
The two men are virtually identical.
Roddy's a carbon copy of Tony.
Just younger.
I hadn't thought of that.
Lord Snowdon, ma'am.
- [TONY.]
Your Majesty.
- Dear Tony.
So kind of you to come.
I know how busy you are.
Before we start just look what I found in my studio the other day.
- How young we were.
- [TONY.]
How pretty you were.
- Oh, stop it.
- [TONY.]
Like Vivien Leigh.
- I've always loved this picture.
- [TONY.]
Not looking cross for once.
- [TONY.]
All yours, ma'am.
- For me? - [TONY.]
With my compliments.
- Oh.
And now to the main business.
A mug.
And A teapot.
And - Oh.
- [TONY.]
A commemorative plate.
And a tea towel with the dates 1952 to 1977.
The powers that be thought it might be nice if someone from inside the firm were to design some of the memorabilia.
- Oh, Tony, you are clever.
- Always happy to help my family.
Are you? Let's talk about that for a minute.
- May I keep these, as well? - Yes.
Yes, of course.
Now, I don't want to pry or lecture anyone about what goes on in a marriage.
In my experience people, find a way to do what they need to do to remain happy or sane.
I often think turning a blind eye is the best approach.
Things work themselves out in the end.
But recently, Margaret has been so wretched and so lost and she's so in love with you.
I wouldn't be a responsible elder sister, or head of the family, if I didn't say how happy it would make us all, but particularly Margaret, if you two were to patch things up again, even if just for the children.
I quite agree and had been giving the matter serious thought.
- Had you really? - [TONY.]
But then, I heard the latest developments.
Who she's met.
What she's doing.
How she's conducting herself.
What latest developments? Hmm.
They're here! - Welcome, Your Royal Highness.
- Colin.
- No, I don't think kissing.
- No, quite right.
I'm hot and sweaty.
- Hello.
- Yes, isn't it unbearable? What are you talking about? The weather's lovely.
- You're right.
- It's the aeroplane that was hot.
- Hello.
- Is this us? [COLIN.]
Yes, ma'am.
Yes, I think straight to the house.
I don't want any of that.
Go on.
- Hello, Anne.
- Hello.
Where's the boy? Look, do keep up now.
Come on.
- I'm sorry, darling.
- Don't call me that in public, ever.
I'd rather you didn't call me boy.
But you are one.
- You're a little boy - Steady.
who needs to be taught everything.
- Hmm.
- [COLIN.]
There it is.
Les Jolies Eaux.
- I was given it as a wedding present.
- Take those to their rooms, please.
The irony is the one person I never shared it with is my husband.
Drink, ma'am? - Yes.
- [ANNE.]
Wonderful idea.
Shall we? Well, no one told me about her What could I do? Well, no one told me about her Though they all knew But it's too late to say you're sorry How would I know? Why should I care? Please don't bother Trying to find her She's not there Well, let me tell you About the way she looked The way she acted The color of her hair Her voice was soft and cool Her eyes were clear and bright But she's not there [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Well, no one told me about her - What could I do? - [RODDY.]
Whoo-hoo! Hello! [GASPS.]
- Clever you! - Hello.
Hello over there.
Look, no hands! - Come back for me! - [LAUGHS.]
How would I know? Why should I care? Please don't bother Trying to find her She's not there Well, let me tell you About the way she looked The way she acted The color of her hair Her voice was soft and cool [BOTH.]
And there's no one there I smell blossom And the trees are bare [COLIN.]
All day long I seem to walk on air - [ANNE.]
Oh, it sounds lovely.
- I wonder why - [CHUCKLES.]
- I wonder why You join in, you two.
No, I don't sing.
I don't sing.
Oh, turn it up.
Turn it up.
I love this song.
- Do you want it louder? - All the way! [TURNS VOLUME UP.]
Come on.
Come and dance.
Come on, Colin.
Colin, you wild cracker! You wild fire! [ANNE.]
Can we have one more chair? Thank you so much.
Happiness is a fickle creature.
A constant companion to some, hides herself completely from others.
She's been an elusive creature to me.
But, here she is, finally, sitting among us, and I say welcome.
I won't mention how late her arrival is.
Who? Hmm? Happiness, dear.
Oh Never mind.
- [MAN.]
Yes, sir.
No problem.
- [COLIN.]
Cream? - I'm not burning, am I? - Not yet.
Better safe than sorry.
How could she be so stupid? Who? [MAN.]
Your Majesty.
This is in every "The Floozy and the Scrounger.
" "Lady and the Tramp.
" It's not entirely Margaret's fault.
She had gone a long way to be private.
Spending 12 hours on an aeroplane doesn't give you license to behave like a whore.
You must bring her back, straight away.
That won't be easy.
She doesn't take well to my orders.
Then she can take mine.
See to it please, Martin.
Are you still here? - [DOOR CLOSES.]
- We don't know all the facts yet.
What is this if it's not a fact? That is a fact.
That's a fact, that's a fact, and that's a fact.
You've seen the papers? I have.
What's the matter? I thought you'd be happy.
Why would I be happy? Because now we have what we've been waiting for.
Margaret in love with someone else.
Legitimate grounds for separation in a way that will still protect your name.
Your reputation.
- Our future.
- And? You expect me to jump up and down with joy? She's my wife.
Mother of my children.
Was there anything else? [SIGHS.]
Calm down.
All right.
Didn't expect to find you here.
Where else would you expect to find me? It's my home.
Used to be your home.
It's still my home.
What is he doing in it? Hello, sir.
I would ask where you got the nerve to come here if I thought you had nerve.
But looking at you, I can tell you've no nerve at all.
You're just stupid.
Go on.
Get out.
Don't you dare talk to him like that.
I'll speak to him whichever way I like - in my house.
- My house.
Our house, ducky! No.
Not ours, anymore.
Please leave.
I won't leave.
You don't want me to leave.
I'm desperate for you to leave.
Like a patient desperate to cut out a cancer.
Think very carefully about what you're saying.
Every game has its limits.
It's not a game anymore.
He's a child.
He has no idea how to make you happy.
You made me happy? Couldn't make me any more wretched than you have.
You were wretched when I found you.
Your little love notes you leave me everywhere.
"How do I loathe thee? - Let me count the ways.
"You look like a Jewish manicurist.
You look like a Maltese landlady.
" A little rich, I think, coming from a misshapen cripple! - Oh, yes.
- Polio boy.
Overlooked by his mother 'cause he wasn't strong enough or well born enough.
An embarrassment! Not able-bodied enough.
If we're talking about "overlooked," isn't that what this is all about? Overlooked Margaret, with no role, no purpose, no real friends, of whom it must finally be asked, what is a princess for? [DOOR CLOSES.]
You go after him and I'll divorce you! Oh, you wouldn't dare.
You go after him, and I'll bring you to your knees! Roddy! Roddy! Roddy? Roddy! [ELIZABETH.]
It's age.
It happens to us all.
Uh, no, ma'am.
It's not just age.
It's been diagnosed.
It has a name.
I first noticed symptoms two years ago.
I always speak in public without notes.
I've something of a photographic memory.
But then one day, I dried.
And in the months that followed, I noticed more forgetfulness.
I shouldn't worry too much.
Several of your predecessors had far more serious afflictions, and they continued to govern without the public being any the wiser.
Uh, no, ma'am, it's a it's a mental health issue now.
I shall put myself in the hands of the doctors.
Oh, Prime Minister, I am sorry.
This will come as a terrible shock.
Well, maybe, but, uh No shock lasts longer than 48 hours.
There's too much appetite for the next shock.
I'll miss our sessions terribly.
I don't mind admitting I let out an unconstitutional cheer when you beat Mr.
Heath this time.
I always said deep down, you're a leftie at heart.
Nothing to do with the politics.
You're just a better companion.
Although, I wouldn't have said that the first time we met.
No! You thought I was going to rough you lot up.
And look what a sentimental old royalist I turned out to be.
Your Majesty.
Prime Minister? If you saw fit to invite your Queen to supper at Downing Street before you left, she would be honored.
But that's an honor previously only given to Churchill.
The Duke of Edinburgh and I would like that very much.
So would Mrs.
Wilson and I.
Martin? [WHIMPERS.]
The amount of nitrazepam the princess took was quite critical, ma'am.
Nitrazepam? [MAN.]
A sedative.
Used in short periods for the relief of anxiety and insomnia.
Based on the numbers of empty packets we found.
You would say more indicative of a cry for attention, than a genuine suicide attempt? A cri de coeur, rather than a coup de grâce? [CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Hello, you.
Hello, you.
Am I going to get a ticking-off? That hadn't been my intention, though perhaps I should.
Why? Because for a while there, it was touch and go.
So I hear.
Did you mean it? I don't know.
How do you feel now? Tired.
A bit sore.
There were tubes.
A little bit foolish.
Where's Roddy? - Gone.
- Where? [SIGHS.]
Ran for the hills.
I hear Moroccan hills.
And Tony? Back with the Thing.
Future Lady Snowdon, I would wager.
I'm not very good at it.
What? Men.
I seem to drive them all mad.
Tony and I are going to separate.
Yes, I think that's probably wise.
Which, I'm afraid to say, will lead to divorce.
The first royal divorce since Henry VIII and Anne of Cleves.
I have a little bit of good news in that department.
Which is? If we time it right, the announcement of your separation might get lost in the Prime Minister's resignation.
I thought he only just got re-elected.
Or did I really miss something? Due to ill health.
I'm sorry.
How many does that make it? - Prime ministers? - Hmm.
Whoever replaces him will be my seventh.
The rest of us drop like flies, but she goes on and on.
For the record, I think there are many things you're good at.
Name one that's actually meaningful.
Being a sister.
- [SIGHS.]
No need to humor me.
- I'm not.
Of all the people everywhere, you are the closest, and most important to me.
And if by doing this you wanted to let me imagine for one minute what life would be like without you you succeeded.
It would be unbearable.
Then we must both carry on.
- Morning.
- Morning, Your Majesty.
Good morning, Your Majesty.
Usually when I drive into Broadcasting House just after five in the morning, the most I'm likely to see is a bread delivery van, or an office cleaner on the way to work, but this morning, despite the dark skies, there was a feeling of activity.
A string of horses clattering through the streets, and lots of people wearing red, white and blue gear drifting down towards Trafalgar Square.
But what of those who've been up all night to make sure of getting a good view of the procession? Andy Price is with them outside Buckingham Palace.
I'm standing in front of Buckingham Palace and I expect the Queen's teasmade has just rung her back to consciousness.
I expect she's lying there just coming to, and remembering that this is Jubilee Day.
This is a day as grueling as her coronation 25 years ago, certainly in ceremonial terms.
But she was a mere slip of a thing in those days.
I expect today she's wondering if the shoes she's gonna wear are quite as comfortable as they might be.
Now, the weather looks as though, as I say, as though it's certainly going to hold for the journey out.
What's your view of the Jubilee? You must do it.
You don't think it might all backfire on me? Ask yourself, in the time I've been on the throne, what have I actually achieved? You've been calm and stable and Useless and unhelpful.
This country was still great when I came to the throne, and now look.
So much for the Second Elizabethan Age, which Winston talked about.
All that's happened on my watch is the place has fallen apart.
It's only fallen apart if we say it has.
That's the thing about the monarchy.
We paper over the cracks.
And if what we do is loud and grand and confident enough, no one will notice that all around us it's fallen apart.
That's the point of us.
Not us.
Of you.
You cannot flinch.
Because if you show a single crack, we'll see it isn't a crack, but a chasm, and we'll all fall in.
So you must hold it all together.
Must I do that alone? There is only one queen.
And now the Poet Laureate, Sir John Betjeman.
God save the Queen.
In days of disillusion, However low we've been, To fire us and inspire us God gave to us our Queen.
She acceded, young and dutiful, To a much-loved father's throne.
Serene and kind and beautiful, She holds us as her own.
And 25 years later, So sure her reign has been That our great events are greater For the presence of our Queen.
For our Monarch and her people, United yet and free, Let the bells from ev'ry steeple Ring out loud the jubilee.