The Crown (2016) s04e05 Episode Script

1
Finally, from London, under the heading
"Is Nobody Safe Anymore?"
a royal ruckus has started over the man
who had an audience
with Queen Elizabeth,
uninvited and unannounced,
in the Queen's bedroom in
the middle of the night.
The man had cut himself
on a broken window
and left bloodstains on the Queen's bed.
Yesterday's intruder
was able to get through
an elaborate system
of electronic alarms,
as well as past palace
guards and police.
The man was identified as
30-year-old Michael Fagan.
A police investigation indicates
that Fagan climbed over a fence
into the 51-acre palace
grounds during the night.
He then reportedly climbed a drainpipe
and entered the royal
quarters through a window.
and made his way to the
Queen's private bedroom
on the first floor.
For ten minutes, he sat talking
six feet away from the Queen.
Then he asked her for a cigarette.
According to his mother, he spoke
of a girlfriend called Elizabeth
living in SW1.
The incident has shocked
Britain and resulted
in a Scotland Yard investigation
of royal security.
Mrs. Thatcher made an urgent return
to the House of Commons today
ahead of a statement
from the home secretary.
The House will admire the calm way
in which Her Majesty responded
to what occurred.
The Queen has carried
on performing her duties
seemingly unperturbed, despite
the unprecedented and severe level
of threat that the intruder posed.
The incident left royal commentators
asking two questions.
"How on earth did he get in?"
and "What did they talk about?"
Mrs. Thatcher says
her government has a coherent political
agenda for many years ahead
to complete the
transformation of Britain.
I'm saying that background,
where you come from, doesn't matter.
Because if you can prove yourself
to be of value to the economy,
if you can contribute,
if you can increase your own prosperity
for the good of others
- Oh, fuck off!
- then, jolly good luck to you.
Fuck off. Fuck off!
go-getters who will create jobs,
the successful people,
the people who can show they
are determined to get ahead.
The prime minister's stated goal
is to reinvigorate the nation
More travel and news after this.
- All right, mate?
- All right?
But I know that this time ♪
I have said too much ♪
Been too unkind ♪
I try to laugh about it ♪
Cover it all up with lies ♪
Morning.
I try to laugh about it ♪
Hiding the tears in my eyes ♪
'Cos boys ♪
Don't cry ♪
Boys don't cry ♪
Earlier today, the sinking
of the Argentine cruiser
the General Belgrano
and the initial reports of a
possible 1,000 casualties
caused a distinct wavering
in the graph of international
support for Britain.
- Next.
- Next, please.
- Me again.
- Name?
Michael Fagan.
Any work in the past two weeks?
Every fortnight, I come here,
and every fortnight, you
ask me the same question.
Any work in the past two weeks?
I chaired the Olympic Committee,
then I did a few days
as secretary-general
of the United Nations.
Next.
Have you had any work
in the last two weeks?
What am I supposed
to live on? Fresh air?
- All right, take care.
- Catch you later.
We'll just bring the whole
van, we might as well.
Bill!
Hello, mate. How you doing?
- All right. You?
- Yeah, not bad.
Yeah. Have you still got
that mate, the, uh
whatsit, the cash-in-hand fella?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You looking for some work?
Whatever you have, I will take.
Whose brushes are these?
- They're anyone's. Just use 'em.
- Here he is!
All right, lads. Let's get on
with it. Sooner we finish,
- sooner we're in the pub.
- Cheers.
Twenty-eight beige. Twenty-eight beige.
Twenty-eight beige.
The color of my life.
I might just have a glass of white wine.
- Hello!
- Hello, you all right?
What can I get ya?
What's the matter?
Michael's here.
Where?
Stay here.
What are you doing?
I told you never to come here.
- I need to talk to you about the flat.
- Not tonight, Michael.
How are the kids?
They're fine. Now go.
Who's that twat?
- Don't be rude.
- Who is he?
Someone who works for a living
and looks after your kids.
- Now go.
- He's a fucking twat.
You're a fucking twat!
- Michael, don't start.
- D'you want some?
- Maybe I do!
- Yeah?
- Please.
- Maybe you're not worth it.
Well, maybe you haven't got any balls!
- Michael!
- No bollocks Shut up!
Fucking balls? I've got balls.
Let me tell you something else.
She She knows all about my balls.
That's enough out of you, all right?
- Fucking do it!
- Don't start!
- Fucking come on and do it, then!
- Fucking go on, then!
Fucking do it, then! Fucking do it!
Wait! Michael, just go, will ya?
Who's looking after your fucking kids?
- You fucking twat!
- Just stop it!
Fucking do it, then!
Don't fucking know me, do ya?
You're fucking dead! Mug!
Prime Minister.
I am very happy to say
that after the recapture of
South Georgia last week,
our forces have now
escalated operations.
An RAF Vulcan and
accompanying support plane
have successfully carried out
bombing raids near the capital.
- Any casualties?
- None.
Enemy forces attempted to
mount a counterattack,
but one Argentine
Canberra and one Mirage
were successfully shot
down by our Harriers.
I think we can confidently
say the tide has turned,
and the recapture of the Falkland
Islands is within reach.
The prime minister came to see me today.
- I hope you rolled out the red carpet.
- Why would I do that?
Everyone was against us
going to the Falklands,
but she believed we could pull it off,
and now victory's within sight.
Her victory.
She's finally doing what we've been
waiting years for someone to do.
Which is?
Lead this country firmly and decisively
after years of incompetence
and mismanagement.
She brought up the subject
of palace security again,
which infuriated me.
Why?
Do you want our walls to
be built even higher?
Or the public to stand ten feet
further back at engagements?
I take pleasure in meeting
members of the public
and have learnt so much from them.
You remember the lesson
Lord Altrincham taught us.
Twenty-five years ago,
we were given the advice
to be more transparent.
Accessible.
To lower the drawbridge.
It doesn't feel right to
be pulling it up again.
Right. Gloves on.
We've identified and prepared
a few suitable members of the
general public for you to meet.
Mm-hmm. But no questions,
no actual conversation?
- No, ma'am.
- Right, let's get this over with.
I present Mr. and Mrs.
Barrowclough, ma'am.
- Hello.
- Your Majesty.
- What do you do?
- Health and safety officer.
I hope you don't find
many issues here today.
No, not at all.
Will you be in on Thursday?
Mrs. Wallace, vice president
of the Women's Institute
Hello. Do you still find
time to bake cakes?
Oh yes!
I was brought up by a
Victorian grandmother.
We were taught to work jolly hard.
You were taught to improve yourself.
You were taught self-reliance.
- You were taught to live in your income.
- Next.
You were taught that cleanliness
was next to godliness.
- Me again.
- Name?
Uh, Bond. James Bond.
Any work in the past two weeks?
International espionage agent, you know.
Intelligence work.
Counterintelligence. Assassinations.
Twat.
I've got a question for you.
Who's your boss?
I wanna make a complaint.
If you feel you've
been treated unfairly,
please speak to your
member of Parliament,
who can refer you to the
Parliamentary Ombudsman.
Oh
Ugh
You know, you're the fucking twat.
Next!
While your process with
the rest of the economy
works its way through, then,
one of the consequences appears
to be very high unemployment,
unemployment which is rising.
No, it's Can I put it this way?
It's like a nurse looking
after an ill patient.
Which is the better nurse?
The one who smothers
the patient with sympathy,
"Never mind, dear. There, there.
You just lie back.
I'll bring you all your meals.
I'll bring your papers.
There, there. You just lie back.
I'll look after you"?
Or the nurse who says,
"Now come on. Just shake out of it.
I know you had an operation yesterday.
Time you put your feet to the
ground and took a few steps.
That's right, dear. That's right.
Now get back and take
a few more tomorrow"?
Which do you think is the better nurse?
I know which sounds more
like you, Mrs. Thatcher!
How can I help
Mr. Fagan?
I wanted to talk to
someone about the system.
Which system?
This system. Britain.
What is it about the
system that bothers you?
Um, it's unfair
and a disgrace.
It says here you're
currently unemployed.
What do you do normally?
I'm a painter-decorator,
but there's not a lot of
work around recently.
Perhaps because instead of
investing in new homes,
which I could then paint and decorate,
devil woman here is spending it all
on a completely unnecessary war.
I have to tell you that
I fully support the war.
Do you know what it costs?
I know precisely. The government
has published the figures.
Why would you spend over
three billion pounds
on a war against total strangers
rather than looking
after your own family?
Because the invasion
of the Falkland Islands
was an illegal act by a foreign power,
because General Galtieri is
a criminal and a fascist,
and because the Falkland
Islanders are British subjects
living on British sovereign territory.
But thank you for your observations,
which I will note.
- No, you won't.
- Yes, I will.
No, you won't.
Noted, Mr. Fagan.
Do you really need a
picture of her in here?
It's like being in Turkey or Iraq.
She's my boss.
- I'm your boss. I'm a constituent.
- Did you vote for me?
You must be joking!
You'll forgive me if I don't
think of you as my boss.
Margaret Thatcher is the leader
of the Conservative Party,
to which I belong,
and so I think of her as my boss.
You fancy her?
- What?
- Have dirty thoughts? I bet you do.
I'm afraid that's all we have time for.
I haven't finished.
If you still wish to
register your protest,
I suggest you do so via the ballot
box or peacefully in the street,
as is your right in a
civilized democracy.
But if I wanna talk to someone
about her, who do I speak to?
The leader of the opposition.
He has the opportunity
to put questions to her
in the House of Commons twice a week.
Failing that, the Queen.
She has a private audience with
the prime minister every Tuesday.
Why don't you drop in at
Buckingham Palace to ask her?
Guards!
By the left,
quick march!
Left, right, left, right
Her Majesty the Queen here,
taking the royal salute,
the key moment in this,
the Queen's annual Birthday Parade.
As members of the Household
Division troop their color,
those watching at home, as well as
some lucky members of the public
invited to attend,
come together as one nation in
celebration of this joyous event.
I don't need to tell you
that I and every minister
in this government
are desperately concerned
Number 72. Window 2.
Application for single payment
to cover home improvements?
- Yep.
- Can you give me more information?
Okay. My wife has left me.
All right.
I went to see Social Services to mediate
'cause I want my kids
to spend time with me.
Right.
But they've seen the flat
and said it needs improving.
There's water damage. I wanna fix it.
You're not the primary tenant.
My wife's the primary
tenant, but she's left.
I just explained.
You'd have to be the primary tenant
before we could even consider
paying for the damages.
You tried talking to the council?
No. They told me to speak to you.
Look, if this doesn't get sorted,
I don't get to see my kids.
You're gonna have to take
that up with the council.
paid off a great proportion
of the foreign debts we inherited.
Hey!
Oh
Quickly! There's a man.
- An intruder.
- What?
He's by the Queen's bedroom.
- Come on! Hurry up!
- Turn the lights on.
Okay.
- Is this where he was spotted?
- Down the other end.
- Spread out!
- Check the bedroom.
Check under the beds.
Check those windows.
- He might have smashed one to get in.
- Bathroom clear.
- Bedroom clear.
- Check the dressing room, quickly!
- No sign.
- Dressing room clear.
The evidence suggests he
we're assuming it was a he,
got in over the railings near
to the Ambassadors' Entrance,
up a drainpipe
and in through a window to the
Master of the Household's office.
From there, he went down the East
Gallery, along the Cross Gallery,
through the Picture Gallery
to the gift room
where he drank a bottle of wine.
What?
Uh, a Vache Johannisberg Riesling.
Valued at six pounds.
He also broke a painted vase,
a gift from the president of Guyana.
I remember that vase.
It's a ghastly little pink thing
- with little blue worms all over it.
- Yes.
Not worms. Those were the
three main rivers of Guyana.
Essequibo, Berbice, and Demerara.
Oh.
And a strange-looking duck.
- The national bird, the Canje pheasant.
- Right.
How come no one stopped him?
No one can explain it, ma'am.
It's possible that the timing of
his intrusion, around 9:00 p.m.,
may have aided him in
slipping through the net.
It also appears that some of
the palace's alarm systems
were malfunctioning
and that the window on the second
floor had been left unsecured.
Do we know what he wanted?
No idea, sir, as to motive or intent.
We can just count ourselves fortunate
that the Queen was here
at Windsor at the time.
But, uh, when Downing
Street hears about this,
I do think we will have
to brace ourselves
for a thorough security review.
- Christ
- Downing Street doesn't know?
Not yet, ma'am.
The matter still rests with the
Metropolitan Police's A-District,
but it's yet to be passed up the
chain of command to the Home Office.
Do they absolutely need to know?
Um Not necessarily.
If we can overlook the theft
of the bottle of wine
and the destruction
of the Guyanese vase.
Then can we say the
matter is now closed?
Otherwise, the next thing you know,
Downing Street will overreact,
we'll have alarms, surveillance cameras,
and policemen everywhere.
Buckingham Palace is too
like a prison as it is.
Yes, ma'am.
- Sam, come here.
- Go on, then.
Big jump.
- Go on.
- What'd I tell you?
If you're going back on,
you're doing it again.
Not too high now.
Good girl.
Oi!
Chris. Chris!
- Take the kids. Go see your mum.
- That's my daughter.
- Come on, mate.
- What you doing?
Derek, stop it!
Mummy!
In front of your kids, eh?
You're scaring them.
Why are you doing this, Michael?
You had enough? You had enough?
For goodness' sake!
It's a playground!
Go home, Mike!
- It's all right. It's over.
- You proud of yourself?
Leave us alone. We don't
need you in our lives.
Three pounds a carton.
I've got Embassies, Bensons
Two Bensons, mate.
What you got, mate?
In light of the incident
that occurred at around
3:00 p.m. last Thursday,
a decision has been taken
that your children should remain
in the permanent care of their mother.
Furthermore,
it has been deemed to be in
the children's best interests
that you should no longer
have any contact with them.
Do you understand?
Last night, our forces
reached the outskirts
of Port Stanley,
and in response,
large numbers of Argentine
forces threw down their arms.
The Argentines are now reported
to be flying white flags of surrender.
With Britain's victory in the conflict
now seemingly assured,
the Queen has returned
to Buckingham Palace
ahead of her regular audience
with the prime minister.
A palace spokesman said
Her Majesty was
Britons never ♪
Never, never shall be slaves ♪
Rule, Britannia ♪
Britannia, rule the waves ♪
Britons never, never, never ♪
Shall be slaves ♪
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Oi, oi, oi!
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Oi, oi, oi!
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Oi, oi, oi!
When we started out,
there were the waverers
and the faint-hearted,
the people who believed
we could no longer do the things
we once did. Well, they were wrong.
- Can I get you anything else, ma'am?
- No, thank you.
Britain has a newfound confidence,
and we will not look back.
Mrs. Thatcher was in jubilant
mood this afternoon
as she told MPs that the future
of the Falkland Islands
would now rest solely in British hands.
"Britain's primacy had been
reestablished," she said,
and then she issued this warning,
"Let every nation know
that where there is British
sovereign territory,
it will be well and truly defended."
The statement was met
with loud applause.
Mrs. Thatcher has seen a dramatic
surge in her personal popularity,
according to the latest polls.
- Morning!
- You took your time.
Anything to report?
Nah, it's a quiet night.
Graveyard shift, isn't it?
I'll see you tomorrow.
Morning, Bobo.
What are you doing?
It's still too early.
All right, if you insist.
- Who are you?
- My name is Michael.
- Out! Get out!
- You have nothing to fear from me.
There is an armed policeman
outside this door.
No, there isn't.
Hello?
What do you want? If it's money
I don't want money.
I don't want anything.
I just wanna talk to you, that's all,
to tell you what's going
on in the country.
'Cause either you don't
know, or you don't care.
Of course I care.
I care very deeply indeed.
What a thing to say.
- Don't do that, please.
- An unkind, stupid
- Don't you dare touch me! Hello? Help!
- Stop it!
Just gimme a minute, will ya?
I'll sort myself out, I'll say what
I gotta say, and then I'll go!
You don't have a cigarette handy, do ya?
No. Filthy habit.
I know, I know.
I just thought it might be good
for you to meet someone normal
who can tell it to you,
you know, as it is.
I meet normal people all the time.
No, you don't.
Everyone you meet's on best behavior.
Bowing and scraping. That's not normal.
- And this is normal?
- It could be, if I ever calm down.
You're bleeding.
Am I? Must have cut myself.
Where do I, um
Bathroom. That door.
The richest woman in the world,
but look, it's not even electric!
- What?
- Your toothbrush.
That's the thing about this place.
It's even posher than you'd think
and yet more rundown.
Rundown?
Oh yeah. Corridors and state rooms?
Shocking.
Chipped paint, peeling
wallpaper, stains.
- Decorator. Can't help noticing.
- Is that what you do?
Painter-decorator.
You should hire me.
You might need a glazier too.
I broke a window this time.
Last time was you too?
- Yeah.
- What is the matter with you?
- This is private property.
- No, it's not. It's state property.
- Either way, you're trespassing.
- Which isn't a crime.
Not if I don't steal anything.
You stole a bottle of wine last time.
Only to work up the
courage to speak to you.
Because I've tried everything else.
Writing letters,
speaking to my MP. Fat lot
of good any of that did.
Mirage of democracy.
So I've come to you,
the head of state.
You're my last resort. Someone
who can actually do something.
What is it you'd like me to do?
Save us all from her.
- Who?
- Thatcher.
She's destroying the country.
We've got more than
three million unemployed.
More than at any time since
the Great Depression.
- Doesn't that bother you?
- Yes, it bothers me greatly.
But there's nothing I can do about it.
When you've been in my
position as long as I have,
you see how quickly and how often
a nation's fortunes can change.
Joblessness, recession, crises, war.
All these things have a way
of correcting themselves.
Countries bounce back. People do.
- Because they simply have to.
- That's what I thought.
That I'd bounce back.
And then I didn't.
First the work dried up,
then my confidence dried up.
Then the love in my
wife's eyes dried up.
And then you begin to wonder,
you know, where's it gone?
Not just your confidence or
your happiness, but your
They say that I have mental
health problems now.
I don't. I'm just poor.
- The state can help with all of this.
- What state?
The state has gone.
She's dismantled it,
along with the other things we thought
we could depend on growing up.
A sense of community,
a sense of, you know,
obligation to one another.
A sense of kindness.
It's all disappearing.
I think you're exaggerating.
People still show kindness
to one another,
and they still pay their
taxes to the state.
And she spends that money
on an unnecessary war
and declares the feel-good
factor is back again.
In the meantime, all the things
that really make us feel good,
the right to work,
the right to be ill
the right to be old,
the right to be frail, be human,
mmm, gone.
You may think you're off the hook,
but she's got her eye on your job, too.
You'll be out of work soon.
Let me assure you, Mrs. Thatcher
is an all-too-committed monarchist.
She has an appetite for power
which is presidential,
and in this country, a president and
a head of state cannot coexist.
Mark my words, she's put us out of work.
She's quietly putting you out of work.
Who's that?
That'll be my morning tea.
They come at this time.
Come in.
- Are you all right, ma'am?
- Quite all right, thank you.
You might ask the policeman to come in.
Have you come far?
York Way.
Just behind King's Cross.
Lovely.
Is it lovely?
No, not particularly.
Is there anything else
you'd like to say to me?
No.
Thank you.
I do hope they don't make
things too difficult for you
in light of this.
Thank you.
Well, goodbye.
- Don't touch her.
- It's all right.
I shall bear in mind what you've said.
- Get out!
- Now perhaps that cup of tea.
Yes, ma'am.
The Home Office has confirmed
that a man successfully breached
Buckingham Palace security
and entered the Queen's
bedroom, not once but twice.
An investigation into this
unprecedented failure
has already begun, and more
details were given this afternoon
to an incredulous House of Commons.
Is the home secretary not aware
that the British public is really
very shocked and staggered
that this event could have occurred
and that the home secretary's reference
to "security not being satisfactory"
must be the understatement of the year?
I would say that no one is likely
to have been more shocked
and staggered than I was.
I think that what we've
got to wait to hear
Order!
we've got to await
Mr. Dellow's report.
On behalf of the government
and the Metropolitan Police,
I am so sorry.
It is a national embarrassment
that the Queen of the United Kingdom
should be subjected to
troublemakers and malcontents
who feel at liberty to
resort to violence.
Oh, but he wasn't violent.
In fact, the only person Mr. Fagan hurt
in the course of his
break-in was himself.
And while he may be a troubled soul,
I don't think he's entirely
to blame for his troubles,
being a victim of unemployment,
which is now more than twice what it was
when you came into office
just three years ago.
If unemployment is
temporarily high, ma'am,
then it is a necessary side effect
of the medicine we are administering
to the British economy.
Shouldn't we be careful
that this medicine,
like some dreadful chemotherapy,
doesn't kill the very patient
it is intended to heal?
If people like Mr. Fagan are struggling,
do we not have a collective
duty to help them?
What of our moral economy?
If we are to turn this country around
we really must abandon
outdated and misguided
notions of collective duty.
There are individual men and women,
and there are families.
Self-interested people who are
trying to better themselves.
That is the engine that fires a nation.
My father didn't have the state to
rely on should his business fail.
It was the risk of ruin
and his duty to his family
that drove him to succeed.
Perhaps not everyone is as
remarkable as your father.
Oh, you see,
that is where you and I differ.
I say they have it within them to be.
Even someone like Mr. Fagan?
Mr. Fagan is another matter.
Two different doctors have
reached the conclusion
he is suffering from a
schizophrenic illness.
If he is spared criminal prosecution
on account of his condition,
then a nice, secure mental
hospital will ensure
he will not be a danger any longer.
Now, if you will excuse me,
I really must go.
Where to?
To the victory parade
at the City of London.
A victory parade?
Yes, ma'am.
We have just won a war.
Good morning from outside
the Royal Exchange
in the City of London.
And on the saluting base,
the lord mayor and the
prime minister waving.
On the lord mayor's right,
on his left, our right,
is the Admiral of the
Fleet, Sir Terence Lewin.
The prime minister taking the
salute instead of the sovereign.
Doesn't that bother you?
No. Can't say it does.
It's her moment. Let her enjoy it.
It's interesting.
What?
How much it clearly bothers you.
I think that woman's
getting ahead of herself,
and now all this increased security.
Well, she's trying to protect you.
From what?
From lunatics.
Normal people. My subjects.
Come on.
That man was clearly a lunatic.
And a fool.
Yes, but in the best
sense, like Lear's fool.
Don't get all
Shakespearean with me.
The Conqueror that sunk the
Argentine cruiser Belgrano
and thereby shortened the
naval war considerably.
But we're told that the
Conqueror is actually
I'm sorry that I wasn't
there to protect you.
I feel terrible.
But you're there by my side all the time
and do much more than keep me safe.
But thank you.
I expect Mr. Fagan is relieved
he didn't come through that
window and land on your bed.
Yes.
That would have been a very
different conversation.
Yes.