The Dangerous Book for Boys (2018) s01e06 Episode Script

Terry, you're sure you know how to fix the dishwasher? Oh, would you relax, Beth? Oh! I spent six months as a plumber's apprentice in New Zealand, and I can't tell you how many times I had to snake out Elijah Wood's toilet while they were shooting "Lord of the Rings.
" Mm.
Really, unless it's zero, I don't want to hear about it.
Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of rebuilding the kids' tree house, you know, since I burned down the last one.
Oh.
Oh, no.
No no, Terry, you don't need to do that, and by that, I mean please don't.
Oh, come on, Beth.
You gotta let me do this.
I mean, you guys have done so much for me.
I need to do something to pay you back a little.
I don't I don't know.
I I I promise, you got nothing to worry about.
I'm a can-do dude.
Check it out, one last wrench with the whatchamacallit, and it is fixed.
Hey there's no noises, no smoke - no leaks.
- I told you.
They don't let just anyone install a hot tub for Frodo Baggins.
You know what? Okay, yes, you can rebuild the tree house.
Yeah.
Kids deserve something fun.
Thank you, Beth.
Thank you.
You won't regret it.
Wow, this tree house is gonna be even cooler than our house-house.
I'll say one thing for him.
His enthusiasm is almost as contagious as the pinkeye that he gave us last month.
Uncle Terry are you sure we can't help? Dad has a whole chapter about building a tree house in the Dangerous Book.
And he says that we should all work together.
Sorry, Bromeo.
This is something I gotta do on my own.
Besides, you think that book is dangerous? Try construction.
It is a nonstop battle between wood and face, which is why I never leave without my trusty safety goggles.
But Dad was pretty clear about including us all.
Listen, I got this, kiddo.
Don't worry about it.
You just worry about how much fun you're gonna have when that baby's done.
There's nothing safe about these goggles.
Yes, I see you, Terry! You're swinging that hammer like a big boy! Oh, I hope he doesn't mess this up.
I'm under enough pressure already.
You gotta relax a little, Beth.
- You worry too much.
- I know, and I worry about that too.
My parenting philosophy was to let the boys make big mistakes so that they'll be able to make bigger successes.
Sure worked with Patrick.
And Terry? Oh, Terry's due for a big win one of these days.
Ow! Stupid goggles! Probably not today.
Hey, Uncle Terry! - Can you put a tire swing on it? - For you, Dash, any swing.
How about a zip line? I'll zip right down and install one.
- Ooh, ooh, and a hammock! - I'll ha ham and cheese cheese, sneeze oh, jeez.
Yeah, I can put in a hammock.
You know you're currently violating half a dozen building codes, right? But while you're up there, make sure to install Wi-Fi.
Oh, you got it, buddy.
Hey, Uncle Terry! Can I get you some iced tea? Or just tea, because I think we used up all the ice when you hammered your foot.
Stop bothering him, Wyatt.
Would you annoy that old artist guy, Mike Angelo, when he was carving the "Mona Lucy"? I think you mean the "Mona Lisa.
" I'm I'm gonna stop you right there.
I don't think.
I just do.
Wyatt! Oh, it's so great to see another human being! It's great to see you too, Dad, but you do kinda smell a little.
Oh, yeah.
Think I broke Dash's record for not showering.
That was a stinky six weeks.
That was stinky.
So how go things back in civilization? Uncle Terry's building us a tree house.
That's nice.
Are you boys pitching in? No.
I know you wrote that we should, but he wants to do it by himself.
Well, there's something to be said for figuring stuff out on your own.
Like Liam over there.
Sometimes it pays to be an independent thinker.
But I've always believed in the old motto "United we stand, divided we fall.
" Ha! Who's stupid now? You totally forgot the "E" in "sauce.
" I need to get a picture of this.
You have a cell phone? We can call for help, you idiot.
Give it to me! And waste my data? No way! See? When times get rough, nothing works if you don't stick together.
Agh, what are you doing? Give it to me! You drilled a smiley face in my trigonometry textbook! Yeah, I finally made math fun.
You're welcome.
You guys just wait.
This baby's gonna have all the bells and whistles.
I'm putting in the whistles tomorrow.
Oh, I have my whistle from soccer camp.
Maybe we could put it in.
Sorry, Wyatt.
But this is a solo project.
Just like when I sing both parts to "I Got You Babe" on karaoke night.
Now, I don't want to oversell this, but what you are about to see will blow away the pyramids of Giza and the Honolulu Half-Pipe at Raging Water Sacramento.
Terry! Terry! Terry! Zip line, zip line, zip line! Without permits, without permits, - without permits.
- Beth.
Would you do us the honors, please? Uh, yeah, I guess.
I don't um Hey, wait.
Are these my good scissors? I've been looking everywhere Dash, drumroll, please! Oh, the trumpet sound works too.
Friends, neighbors, peoples of Earth, may I present to you you, you, you, you, you the McKenna family tree house.
Yes, snip.
Whoo-hoo! Terry, Terry! Oh, what'd I tell you? The kid's a winner.
Just took him 40 years to get over the hump.
You know, I gotta admit it, Terry, I had my doubts, but this is spect What? Oh Oh! Beth, how hard did you cut that ribbon? This is crazy.
Yeah, crazy great.
How many people do you know have a moon roof in their room? Can't be more than a thousand.
At least the Dangerous Book is safe.
Oh, so's my third-grade diary.
I was all over Tesla stock right from jump street.
No! No! Stay with me, Sunny! You're you're gonna be okay, right? Oh, man, this is a disaster.
I know.
I was totally off base on my valuation of Bed Bath & Beyond.
I must have been insane to let you build that ridiculous tree house! I How many times can I say I'm sorry? - Well - I mean, seriously.
Pick a number.
10,000.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Oh, my God, stop it.
Sorry.
That was an apology for apologizing.
That doesn't count against the 10,000.
Okay, he messed up.
But he messed up trying to do something nice for the kids.
That's gotta count for something.
He could have killed my children, Tiffany.
My children.
Okay, that also counts for something, but how about we call it even? Everything you've done since you got here has been a total disaster, and it's just enough is enough.
I need to protect my family right now.
Terry, you you need to leave this house.
Or what's left of it.
Beth, you can't do that.
I can and I just did.
Terry, you've gotta go.
Have you guys ever seen Mom that mad before? No, not even at the Indians game when I tried to get Corey Kluber's autograph.
You ran out to the mound in the middle of the fifth inning.
His pitch count was up.
I wanted him to sign before his arm got too tired.
At least Mom's letting us sleep outside in the fresh air.
The only fresh air I like is the Mountain Citrus spray I blast after you use the bathroom.
Aren't you guys worried about what's happening? Mom just kicked Uncle Terry out, and there's a giant tree in the middle of our room.
Forget about that stuff, Wyatt.
What you should be worried about is bear attacks.
There are no bears in Akron.
That's what the Lipinsky family thought.
Remember them? Yeah, they moved to Omaha.
That's what the bears want you to believe.
Hey, guys? Uh I think I think we need to talk about Uncle Terry.
You know, and I know that you may not understand this right now, but his leaving is for the best.
Okay? Protecting you boys it is the most important job I will ever have, and I do not take it lightly.
Can we at least say good-bye to him? Oh, sweetie, um he didn't want to upset you guys any more, so he just left.
Uncle Terry was the greatest.
Remember the time when he melted all the little jelly beans into one giant jelly bean? That was awesome.
Awesome? He ate the whole thing and barfed rainbow-colored vomit all over the back of the Astrovan.
Exactly: awesome.
Face it: Uncle Terry was a wild card.
Mom did what she had to do.
Why are you always such a jerk? Why are you always such an idiot? Guys! Come on.
Like Dad said: when times get tough, we've gotta stick together.
Oh, man, it's the bear that ate the Lipinskys! I thought I made that up.
- Hey, dudes.
- Uncle Terry, you scared the heck out of those two.
You guys gotta help me.
I can't make it out there on my own.
Somebody stole my pants, so I had to steal someone else's pants.
Long story short, these are not my pants.
You've only been gone for five hours.
Oh, come on, guys, just help me.
I don't wanna have to leave! I miss you guys.
Aw, he's so cute.
Can we keep him? Please? I say we let him stay.
Well, Mom kicked him out for a reason.
But I guess one night couldn't hurt.
Oh, thank you! And if a guy named Wild Dave comes looking for a pair of khakis, I was never here.
Move over.
I want the warm spot.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no yes, no, I'm looking at what you sent over, but I don't understand.
Is it is it an estimate or is it a phone number? No, I don't I don't want your phone number.
No, I'm t Never mind.
I will have to figure something else out.
Uh, you're you're doing that all wrong.
Excuse me? You're just you're stacking the bowls all wrong.
My God, not the bowls! Please, Beth, don't throw me out of the house too.
Have you ever considered you might have some teensy, tinsy control issues? Like everything has to be exactly your way? Right? What, my my way? Nothing is my way.
I can't afford to fix the hole in my house, my kids are living like wild animals, and I'm barely holding on to my sanity, but, ooh, check it out! Lucky me! If the bowls are stacked this way, I can fit the salad bowl in the cupboard! Ooh! My way.
Agh! - Yuck.
- Hey! Get your butt away from my face.
Get your face away from my butt.
You're unbelievable.
Even your dumbness is stupid.
You can use that whole can, but you still stink! Come on, guys.
We're falling apart.
Please don't start fighting again.
- Shut up! - Seriously? That's what you can agree on? You know what? I've had enough! As of 8:37 a.
m.
in the morning, we are officially un-brothers! And I don't share a tent with brothers who used to be my brother.
Oh, yeah? Well, two can play at that game! You don't even exist to me anymore.
I'm yelling at no one! Mm smells like mountain citrus.
Oh, for God's sake.
Let me help you! Help me how? By reading a gossip magazine or forgetting to make dinner or I don't know, maybe you want to read my horoscope and tell me that my my Neptune's in night-rograde, hmm? Okay, that's not fair.
I'm trying my best.
We all are.
and it's your Mercury that's in retrograde, and it explains a whole lot.
Yeah, I stand corrected.
You're tremendously helpful.
You know, Beth, you might feel a little better if you stopped carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Well, that's kinda hard, because the weight of the world is on my shoulders, Tiffany.
It's all on my shoulders.
Oh! Ah! Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know you're laughing.
Can't sleep either, huh? I know how you feel, but I'm here for you, buddy.
I don't know, Uncle Terry.
It's just, I tried to get everyone to get along like Dad wanted, but it's all just a mess.
Everyone's fighting, we're all in separate tents, and I don't know what to do about it.
Just help me figure out what to do.
You're the only person who will even listen to me.
Unbelievable.
Can't count on anybody.
Sunny's dead, and you don't care! It's just a stupid flower! You're just a stupid flower! Stop! Get off me.
- Ugh, get off of me, jerk! - Come on! - Stop! - Jerk! Ton of noise coming from Oh, Dash and Liam, quit it.
You guys, stop it, seriously! What is going on? Cut it out, boys.
Come on, now.
I love wrestling, but only when it's fully scripted.
Get off me! Stop, please! - Please.
- Terry, - what are you doing here? - And whose pants are those? Wild Dave's, but that is not important right now.
- What is important - Okay, when I told you that you needed to get out, I did not mean to our backyard! Terry Don't you yell at me! You guys stop it! You stop it right now.
Just stop! - Ow! - Stop! I can't take this anymore.
I just wish I was alone.
This is more like it.
Peace and quiet.
Nobody yelling, nobody fighting, just nobody? Dad? Dad, is that you? Dad, are you here? I'm all alone.
I did not mean to our backyard! - Yelling at him - I am wrong.
I'm so wrong.
You were right.
You were right.
- I'm wrong.
- Stop it.
You're making the Astroturf lumpy.
I can't stand to see you guys this way, and it's all my fault! Beth, I'm sorry.
I should never have come back.
Now, I'm gonna leave now for good.
It'll be better this way.
No, it won't.
Mom.
Terry, wait.
You don't have to go.
What? It's not your fault.
Okay? I'm to blame too.
I've been stressed and I've been angry, and I'm I've just been taking it out on all of you guys, and I'm sorry.
Okay? Because I think the the person I'm really angry at isn't here.
And it's not Patrick's fault that that he left, but I can't help being mad at him that he did, and I've just felt so so alone.
You're not alone, Mom.
We're here.
And even through all of the fighting and the problems, we need to be together, because nothing is worse than feeling alone.
You're right, sweetheart.
I don't want any of you to feel that way.
Okay? Because we're not alone.
None of us.
And you too, Terry.
Come back.
Come on.
Oh You know, now I get it.
Hmm? I thought you guys wanted me to take Patrick's place.
Instead, you just helped me to find my own place.
Oh, it's just like the '60s, but this time, I remember everything.
I just wish your twin brother were here to see this.
Twins.
Of course! Jumping jungle stripes! The Tiger Twins! Yes! Okay, that was a really weird thing to say, even for Terry.
I just remembered, your dad and I saved up all our favorite treasures from when we were kids in this old lunch box.
- The Tiger Twins? - Never heard of it.
Oh, it was the best cartoon.
Two tiger brothers sneak out of the zoo to fight crime.
It was awesome! This stuff's gotta be worth a small fortune! We could sell it to fix the roof! Uh, is that treasure? 'Cause it sure looks and smells like junk.
Yeah, it sure seemed special back when we were kids.
- I'm sorry.
I - It's okay.
We'll figure something else out.
Right? Together.
Welcome back, son.
Dad! I was worried you might have been gone forever.
Not a chance.
I told you, I am here for you, always.
So how'd it go with the tree house? Not so great, but we stuck together, and we made it through.
I knew you would.
There's gonna be lots more adventures In your future: highs and lows, plenty of surprises, but I'll be here to help.
I know you will.
Dad, would it be all right if I brought you some soap next time? That bad, huh? Mm.
Man, it's good to be back.
May I please have six more waffles? Guys, I just Googled it.
The treasure wasn't inside the lunch box.
It is the lunch box.
This baby's a rare collectible.
It's worth a ton of money! Are you kidding me? Go, Uncle Terry! Attaboy, son! I told you he was due for a win.
And you were right.
It looks like you saved the day, Terry.
I mean, you were one of the reasons it needed saving, but you did it.
I've got to say, even I'm impressed.
Oh, honey, don't cry.
No, no, these are tears of joy.
I found my Tommy Tiger action figure with real fake fur.
I thought I'd lost him forever.
You guys are gonna want to see this.
It's from your dad.
What? What do you think it is? I have no idea.
Well, if it's from Patrick, could be almost anything.