The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s01e09 Episode Script

Episode 9

I'm sure Saiki got the wrong idea.
Saiki wouldn't have if I was
with someone only reasonably handsome,
but being with a top star Touru Mugami
makes it seem so real.
What's wrong, Kokomi?
Don't startle me like that!
What was distracting you so much
that you didn't hear me knocking?
Why do you care?
This is all your fault anyway, Makoto!
Hey! Touru is on TV!
-Who's that?
-You don't know Touru Mugami?
He's a big up-and-coming young actor.
I'm such a fan.
Oh, who do you love more then?
Me or this Touru?
Of course I love you more, honey.
Compared to you, Touru is nothing
but a fly on dog poop!
-I think you've gone too far.
And compared to you, all other women
are like poop stuck on the toilet seat.
I heart you, honey.
Neither of your metaphors were romantic.
Is that a visitor?
They sure have awful timing.
Yes, who is it?
What is it, honey?
-It's the fly, I mean
-I'm sorry for this late intrusion.
Is this the residence of Kusuo Saiki?
-It's the guy from TV!
-Quiet, you'll disturb the neighbors.
Make yourself at home.
Thank you very much.
Do you remember meeting me the other day
at the movie theater?
I knew he was coming.
I didn't want to meet him,
but it's better than him waiting for me
at school or in town.
The thing is, Kokomi is my sister.
A lot of people mistake us for lovers.
-You're Kokomi's brother?
-I knew that.
Touru Mugami is my stage name.
My real name is Makoto Teruhashi.
My sister was concerned
about him getting the wrong idea,
so I came to explain.
-Oh, my!
-What would she be concerned about?
I wonder what?
Get that thought out of your heads.
I need to make dinner.
What lively parents.
Oh, one more thing, Kusuo.
This is from me, not Kokomi,
but I hope you don't mind.
Stay away from my sister, peasant!
I don't care if you're classmates.
Don't get carried away, peon!
You're not worthy, you dumb four-eyes!
I knew how he felt,
but I didn't imagine he would tell me
without any filters.
It's actually a little hurtful.
You're just a fly flying over a dog poop!
That metaphor implies that Teruhashi
is the dog poop.
-You think you have a chance?
Do you think you'll be able to date her
just because you see her every day
and say hi to her?
No, I don't.
-Stop dreaming, loser!
-I said that I don't.
She's beautiful.
I can't blame you for being drawn to her
like a hyena being drawn to a corpse.
Again, that metaphor would make
Teruhashi the corpse.
Kokomi isn't just beautiful.
She is God's greatest creation!
I think you've gone too far.
The only one worthy of Kokomi
is me!
What is he talking about?
You're just a classmate.
-I've been with her since she was born!
-Because you're siblings.
-I'm going to be the one to marry her!
-I see, you're sick.
I'm not handing Kokomi
to some filthy peon.
Only me, her brother, will be able
to touch her!
How could she let him get this bad?
There's nobody in the world
who loves you more than I do!
He's gone way off the deep end.
Don't come near Kokomi again.
You're not allowed to look at her
or breathe the same air.
-Good grief.
-do you have a minute?
-Seems like I got myself in trouble.
Whatever. It's time to get him to leave.
Yes, who is it?
Come in.
Your ride is here.
What are you doing here?
-Why are you here?
-I called her here.
Brother is at the Saiki's. Hurry.
I called Teruhashi with my telepathy.
-Why are you here?
-Now take this sicko with you.
You were worried Saiki
got the wrong idea, right?
What? I didn't say that.
I always know what you're thinking.
But it's okay now!
I explained him everything.
Oh, really. That's good
Wait, no! Hold on!
Does that mean Saiki knows
that I was worried because of him?
Teruhashi was worried about me.
I'm always your
Why did you butt in like that?
I hate you! I hate you so much.
I will never talk to you again!
-Oh, no.
-Don't leave him here.
Your time limit is 50 minutes.
There will be no talking
and avoid suspicious actions.
Now, begin!
Today, we have our finals.
Most students hate finals.
But not me.
That is because
The answer to question one is A.
Okay, next one.
I think it's B.
It's A, I'm sure of it.
I can cheat as much as I want.
As a psychic, cheating is easy.
I can read everyone's thoughts
using my telepathy.
I can use my X-ray vision to see
the answer sheet in front of me,
and I can use my psychometry to quickly
copy the correct answers.
But don't get the wrong idea.
I can get full marks
on a high school-level test on my own.
The reason I cheat
is to get an average grade
so that I don't stand out.
That's why I'm cheating to find
the wrong answers.
All so I can be ranked right at the middle
of the 181 second year students.
The correct answer is A,
but should I go with C?
That sucked.
-What was next, chemistry?
-How did you do?
-You seem down.
The test didn't go well for you?
Sorry to say, but I did perfectly!
I'm jealous, Kaido.
How did you do?
I did a terrible job.
Although, it's my fault for not studying.
It's just a feeling I have, but I think
Hairo would score higher.
Yes, I didn't study at all either.
-I know.
-You're not even worried?
You can just wing these tests.
Hey, Nendo.
If you fail three or more test sections,
you're getting held back.
Don't worry.
Even if we're in different grades,
we're still the same age.
You don't have to talk up to us.
-Hey! Don't give up already!
-It's hard to ask Nendo not to fail.
-If you just try hard
-What does "held back" mean?
-This is who you're dealing with.
I'm not worried about any test.
I've got a trick up my sleeve.
It's right here.
This is all I need!
-It's over for him.
-It's over for him.
All right, begin!
Good grief.
-I'll finally be rid of him.
-All right, this one is E.
Even with a method like that,
there's one way to avoid failing.
I just need to use my telekinesis
to move the pencil.
-E again?
-Be quiet, Nendo!
But I'm not going to help someone
who doesn't put in the effort.
The answers here are E, E, I, A, A.
Not too difficult.
Please! Oh, it's A.
His answers are right?
-What is going on?
Are you listening to me?
I need help on the first question!
Come on, I went through the trouble
of bringing you here for this test.
-I see.
The reason I saw doubles of Nendo
was because of you, Nendo's father!
Next is question five.
But why?
Ghosts don't have memories
of their previous lives.
He shouldn't know Nendo's his son.
All right!
-I wonder why.
-Let's do this!
I just can't ignore this guy
for some reason.
What's going on?
-He's 90th out of 181?
-He's 90th out of 181?
How? You're always in last place!
I told you not to worry.
Did you cheat?
No, idiot. I used my brain.
I see, you hit your head
and injured your temporal region.
That's amazing, Nendo.
That's really impressive you went
from last place to 90th.
Are you bragging?
I didn't mean it like that.
Good grades won't help you fight.
I even studied all night.
You making excuses, Little guy?
I didn't lose to you!
I'm not that
-For what?
-It's fine. I got the exact rank I wanted.
-You didn't do anything wrong, Saiki.
Yes, don't worry about it.
Stop trying to comfort me.
It's making me feel worse.
But you know, this was awesome!
My dad's old pencil had some real powers.
What? Was that pencil your late father's?
Getting that score with a dice
may be the proof
that you have psychic powers.
I don't see your name, Reita.
It's over there on the edge.
-It's all over for me. I'm done for.
-Good grief.
This is what I get as soon as I take off
my telepathy silencer ring.
Negative inner voices are depressing.
This guy has a serious case.
But what is it about this voice?
I feel like I've heard it before.
Yes, a total stranger.
I should go home.
-You have the wrong guy.
I can't believe you're here right now!
-It's amazing!
-I said you have the wrong guy, idiot.
Please, Master!
Please be my assistant for a magic show!
How is everyone doing?
This special illusionist who was even
on television
is back with a new piece!
Please welcome Uryoku Chono!
What a roar from the crowd!
Still with his funny pose.
In any case, he's more popular than ever.
Anyway, what am I doing here?
I have an important show tonight.
But my assistant Michael
got into an accident.
What? Mr. Ike did?
Luckily, his life isn't in danger,
but he can't make it to the show tonight.
So I went and asked everyone I knew
if they would be my assistant.
They all said no.
I've lost all my friends.
Just like an illusion.
That's not funny.
I even asked my mother
because I had no other choice,
but she was too repulsive to work with.
Don't call your own mother repulsive.
-Please! Do the show with me!
-I'm sorry, but no.
It's a really important stage!
My spouse
My ex-wife is coming to see it!
That's why I have to
I have to do it.
You're so far away!
Too much of a pain.
Also, I was annoyed how you called her
your spouse first
before changing it to wife.
Then please look at this!
It's the human separation machine
I spent all my savings on.
A new one would cost 1,2 million yen,
but I bought a used one
because I couldn't afford that.
-It was 1,18 million.
-Just buy the new one then.
So it didn't come with a manual.
Michael and I tried different things,
-but it didn't work.
-Was that the accident?
Thankfully, he only suffered
light injuries.
But he got hit by a motorcycle
two days later
and was thrown 30 meters away.
Mr. Ike!
Anyway, I still don't know how to work it.
But at this point,
I'll have to just try on my own!
-I'll try to figure this out.
-No, you shouldn't.
That's because this box
really is just an ordinary box
without any tricks to it.
I'm thinking about using this chainsaw
for the actual show
-on a volunteer from the audience.
And so I took the assistant job.
Where are you, Midori?
Not her either.
Or her.
What does your wife look like?
No, I need to focus on my show now!
Master was generous enough
to be my assistant after all.
In this illusion,
-my assistant Saikael will enter this box.
And then teleport to this box!
Both boxes will be locked,
so nobody will be able to get in or out.
Now, if you would, Saikael.
What do you mean, "if I would?"
How are you going to do this?
Just do it when I give you the signal.
You understand, right?
No, I don't.
Now, I'm closing the box
and locking it up!
Start the music!
Good grief.
I don't see any special trick to it.
How am I supposed to
What's this?
I see, there's
a hidden passage underneath.
That's quite the trick.
I guess I just need to get into
the other box from here.
It won't open.
The box isn't aligned,
so the door is blocked.
Looks like I don't have a choice.
-What? Did he just appear out of thin air?
What's going on?
Well done, Master.
I don't know how he did it, but
In any case, today's show was a success.
Could it be Is she here?
What are you doing here?
You came.
Thank you for coming,
My name is Kota Nakanishi.
I was just a regular office worker
working for a certain publisher.
I met Midori a year into my job.
At the time, I was struggling at work.
Midori worked at a cafe near the company.
After visiting many times,
we became close.
I found myself becoming drawn to Midori
as she laughed listening to my complaints.
I finally went for it and proposed to her.
Midori had a child and a husband
who passed away,
but I wanted to support her,
including her baggage and all.
However, one month later,
I was suddenly fired.
I was in downward spiral,
and Midori took her child and left me.
Two years have passed,
and I want Midori to see my current self.
That is why I'm on this stage today.
I get that much,
but that Midori ended up
not showing up, right?
Wow, what's this?
This idiot is the only one
who came, right?
It's cool, right?
Riki! Don't touch that.
-Midori! You came!
-You've got to be kidding me.
It's been a while, Ko.
What was that flashback then?
Let me introduce you.
-I can't.
-This is my wife Midori.
This author is beyond lazy!
I think you look like someone I know.
-Oh, no.
-No, the glasses are different.
I thought you were my pal Saiki
for a second.
I'm glad he's an idiot.
Anyway, I'm leaving.
Where are you going, Saikael?
-The second show is about to start.
-There's more?
Midori, would you watch it and reconsider
about starting over again?
What is this nauseous scene?
I've come all this way,
so I might as well watch it all.
But don't get your hopes up.
I've already moved on from you in my mind.
She looks and sounds just like Nendo.
Master, let's get that ready.
Next, we will do
a human separation illusion!
Saikael will get inside,
and I will stab the box with chainsaws!
After we separate the boxes,
-we will put them back together
-I think of this every time.
Why do you explain everything
before we do it?
Can he actually do that?
There's probably a trick to the box.
There's none, actually.
This box is really just a regular box
with no trick to it at all.
Good grief, even I can only think of
around 13 ways to get through this.
I'll bend the chainsaw blades
as soon as they get in the box.
Then I'll restore them when they're taken
out of the box by rewinding time.
When he moves the boxes,
I'll have to dislocate my joints.
-Are you ready?
-Hold on!
Let me be the one inside the box!
I want my body in pieces!
-Who's that?
-Riki, but
-Don't interfere, idiot.
Don't, Riki. Let's go home.
Please wait!
Good grief, you've ruined everything.
Now, what are you going to do?
At this rate,
their cheers will become screams.
The chainsaws won't hit Riki.
Whatever trick there is will work.
Midori is watching. Please, work!
Come on, let's get started already, bro.
I'm Riki, Riki Nendo.
Pretty cool, right? Can't tell?
Probably because you're old, bro.
I'm not going to high school.
I want to support my mom.
I'm sorry, I can't do it.
I'm not fit to be called an illusionist.
I wanted to put on a good show so much
that I was going to perform something
that wasn't ready.
I'm very sorry for that.
I didn't think the audience
would get that mad.
It was a riot.
But you made the right decision.
Given that situation,
even I came up with
only about four ways to save Nendo.
This is my bank book.
It was mixed in with my things.
I didn't spend a single yen.
Midori! I thought you left.
That was an awful show.
After that build up,
you just tell us you can't do it?
Of course the audience would get angry.
Once you get it working
100 percent of the time,
I'll come see it.
Thank you for the bank book!
I promise to get it working!
With this money, I'll buy a new
human separation machine for 1,2 million,
-and if it works, will you
-What? 1,2 million yen?
Actually, give that back!
You want to go do karaoke today?
You know, with the whole class.
Oh, sounds good.
I'm in!
Let's go ask everyone.
Hairo, want to come do karaoke today?
Yes, we did just finish up our finals.
What about you, Yumehara?
I'm in.
-Oh, well
Yoshida, you want to come too?
-What are they talking about?
-I don't know.
It's better that you don't.
What about you, Mera?
-Oh, I can't today.
-That's too bad. Is it a date?
You could say that.
Would you like to do karaoke with us?
Most of the class is coming.
Like him and everyone over there.
Oh, Saiki isn't going? I'll pass then.
Sorry, I have koto practice today.
Oh, I see.
-Should we just cancel it?
-You guys got way too deflated.
Cafe Mami.
I am a regular here.
It has a calm atmosphere
and quiet customers.
Most importantly,
the coffee jelly here is amazing.
The homemade coffee jelly
made at a coffee shop
can't be compared to what you find
at the grocery store.
But that could all end today.
Sorry to keep you waiting What?
Good grief. You just ruined the coffee.
At least, I managed to catch
the coffee jelly.
If you're going to throw it away,
you won't mind me eating it.
I'm sorry, I'll clean that up.
What happened to the coffee jelly?
No idea.
-I'm sorry. I've always been so clumsy.
-You did a good job.
The manager wanted to offer you
another as an apology.
Are you a goddess?
And so, Saiki
Chisato Mera.
I know the reason
why she is so rattled to see me.
Please keep my job a secret!
If the school found out,
I would have to quit.
Our school doesn't allow part-time jobs.
And it won't just be this job.
My morning newspaper and milk delivery,
job at the gas station,
Chinese restaurant,
convenience store, lunch place,
flower making,
babysitting, and tutoring
They would make me quit all of them!
Wouldn't making you quit be kinder?
My family is poor.
I think we all had our suspicions.
That's because her lunch was
always just plain rice and one sour plum.
Her gym clothes had
someone else's name on it.
And if you look carefully,
one of her lenses is missing.
But most of all,
she's staring at my coffee jelly even now.
It's okay! Don't mind me.
-That's going to be hard.
-I'll just pretend.
And I can't eat that now anyway.
Thank you, Saiki! You're a lifesaver.
I've actually only had ice to eat
since yesterday.
Your life is worth my coffee jelly.
My siblings are still in grade school
so I'm supporting the family on my own.
So please don't tell
Three-second rule.
Okay, I promise not to tell anyone.
Thank you.
But keeping it a secret works out
for me too.
I'll continue to come here.
What? Was that
Mr. Matsuzaki!
What are you doing here?
So, it was him.
Well, there's nothing I can do now.
Don't take it personally.
Do you work here?
You know our school policy, don't you?
No matter what the reason is
I can't quit,
I'll have to drop out of school.
Having a job
is absolutely no problem!
Keep it up, Mera!
Thank you!
Then, I'll have a parfait.
Coming right up!
Good grief. I said I wouldn't use
my mind control powers.
I changed the world again.
But this probably won't have much
of an impact.
It's not abnormal for PK Academy
students to have jobs.
I've repaid you for the coffee jelly.
You want to go do karaoke today?
Let's go with the whole class.
Yeah, we did just finish up our finals.
I'm in!
What about you, Mera?
Oh, I have work today.
Okay, how about we go hang out
at where Mera works instead of karaoke?
Really? I would love that!
Oh, Teruhashi!
Would you like to come hang out
at Mera's workplace with us?
Oh, today is a little
It's not like Saiki is going, right?
Saiki says he wants to go too.
-Sounds fine to me.
-I'm totally free! I'm in!
For real? Yes!
Oh, is everyone going somewhere together?
Everyone meet at my place then.
What, Nendo is coming too?
Why don't we just cancel it?
You guys got way too deflated.
Another new character
is the last thing I needed.
Good thing I have my coffee jelly
to help me relax.
Next time
What? Oh, I've already seen
what's going to happen.
Looks hectic.
Subtitle translation by Zensho Yamamoto
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