The Durrells (2016) s02e06 Episode Script

1 (There's a mysterious woman in the kitchen.
) How do you know she's mysterious? What? I don't know who she is.
There's a mysterious woman in the kitchen.
Well, ask her who she is.
Er, erm Good morning.
Hallo, I am the daughter of Mrs Mavrona.
Oh, how super.
Oh, Lugaretzia.
Her back is worse.
I do her work today.
Oh, no, but you can't.
Your baby is about to pop out of you.
This? No.
Two weeks more.
I work.
All right.
Don't mollycoddle me! I need to keep busy.
My husband's a nervous wreck.
Your house is always a tip.
I'll help clean.
Hormone inferno.
This takes me back.
I was pregnant for ten years, you know.
Not with the same baby.
All right, I also came because I'm worried about you.
- I hear your man Hugh was seen kissing Vasilia.
- Yes.
You have to talk to him about it.
I have, but men don't talk properly.
I'm finding it enough of a struggle with my children.
I'd say Hugh is rather fluent.
Fluent isn't the same as straightforward.
Guess what? I'm sure my otter's pregnant! Her nipples are massive! I'm not an invalid.
More like an over-ripe fruit.
Thank you (!) You're quiet.
Mmm.
Sorry to hear about Hugh.
Well, you know men, instant gratification conquers the deeper joys like allegiance and love.
Not always.
You know, when I first met Hugh, I thought, "Here's a charming man who can't quite decide if he wants to be an adult.
" Yep.
Hey.
Hello, Margo.
Just out of interest, shouldn't you be attempting to tutor me? Ah, yes! Erm, I know, er, let's do the Latin declension song.
Mensa, mensa, mensam, mensae, mensae, mensa And the plural.
Mensae, mensae, mensas Altogether.
Mensara, mensis, mensis I'd love us to be the kind of family who could always talk to one other.
We are, aren't we? Well, you haven't, recently.
Oh, sorry.
There's actually been a lot going on in my head since I realised Donald's quite good-looking especially with a tan, - if that's not too shallow.
- You know, darling -- Even though, no, in fact because, he's not madly exciting.
It's lovely that I can talk about it, because you're right, we just forget to communicate, don't we? And what I like about Donald is that he's a good talker, and not just about the things I'm not interested in, like science and numbers and history, but about me, and Shall we continue with this later? Mm.
Mm? Are you enjoying being back home? Well, I'm writing horse but I can't complain about the view.
Actually, maybe the bloody view's the problem.
Well, there's less chance of a visit from the she-devil girlfriend.
Vasilia is beautiful.
- It gives her privileges.
- And obligations.
And she's not that beautiful.
Well, take away the cheekbones and the hair and the lips and she's really rather ordinary.
And I'm pleased I saw her kissing Hugh, because now I know he can't be trusted.
For once, perhaps just acknowledge that you're upset.
You really like Hugh.
Yes, I do.
But you don't believe that Vasilia forced herself on him.
(I don't know.
) You know, he's pressuring me to go back to England.
Well, there are other men on the island.
Oh, no.
Well, talk to him.
Well, if you are really writing horse ordure, you can go into town and buy some of that rubbing oil that Lugaretzia likes.
I have seen that face three times today and if I see it once more, I will slap it.
Do you know where Margo is? No.
- I'm going to go and tell Theo she's pregnant.
- What? Oh.
Nearly an amusing confusion! I'm gonna buy her a present.
Margo, not your otter.
It's all different when you're in love, Gerry.
Everything's funny and sort of shiny.
Of course I miss England but, well, this is our home now.
I-I see this in exiles the world over, the-their sense of absence, of amputation and eventually, it gets you, a-after a year, or three or, in my case, 20.
My children love it here.
Yes, me too, but Greece will always be chaotic, money will be short, we fry in summer and grieve in winter for missed crispy, frosted mornings.
Well, a bit And I'm going to convert England to the joys of olive oil.
So it's not as though we won't visit here.
You do know England can be rather dreary don't you? Yes, but not with me, I promise.
It's time to go home.
You have to come with me.
Let me think about it.
~ - Theo, I think our otter's about to give birth.
- How fabulous.
I just have to conclude a meeting of the Corfu Lunar Society.
Er, this is my friend Gerald Durrell, naturalist extraordinaire.
Sygharitiria, sygharitiria! ~ Is it one big baby or two small ones? One big.
Your husband must be thrilled.
- No.
- No.
What a miserable His mother died when she give birth to him.
If Hugh sent you, I'm still deciding.
I'm talking to animals now.
Gerry's work here is done.
Perhaps it is time to leave.
Can I buy your birds? H-How much? Poso? Ooh! Now set them free.
~ Here you are.
Yes.
You can't say no.
Do you realise what you're asking me to do? Abandon the place that my family and I have come to love.
Th-This has been an adventure for you.
But holidays end.
I-I just met the Rose Beetle Man.
Do you know him? What the, erm, hobo with the mangy birds on his back? Well, to me, it was magical and unique and you just don't get that sort of thing in the Home Counties.
~ I-I'm sorry.
I'm just disappointed.
I'll stay here with you.
But you want to leave.
I won't be the one to hold you back.
No.
No, no.
We-We have to be together.
No, you'll resent me.
I can see it already in your eyes.
This is about Spiros, isn't it? Don't be ridiculous.
He's a happily married man.
He-He's a family friend.
When I gave you those first flowers those months ago and he was there, and I said to you "Careful, they have thorns" - Hugh -- - Well, those thorns were Spiros Americanos.
Come on, back in your cage.
You're scaring the more attractive animals.
Oh, please no.
Tell me you've just spilt something.
- Baby water.
- It begins.
All right.
OK.
Well, let's erm, not panic.
Then, when we've done that, what's the plan? - I have a baby.
- Yes, but, we must get you to the doctor's.
Too late.
You are best child.
- You do it.
- No.
- Yes.
- No, no, I'm not a midwife! Quite a hullabaloo you're making.
Leonora's broken her water, whatever it's called, she's having her baby! What's the hurry? Labour often takes 24 hours or more, you know.
- Does it? - Oh, yes.
Even still, go and get Dr Petrides.
What is it about me today that cries out errand boy? Oh, hope that's the right one.
- OK, I'm just going to -- - Come back! I'm looking for a book on how to give birth! ~ ~ - (Lets go, Gerry.
) - Yes! Dr Petrides? My appendix has burst again! Not really.
Hello, Doctor.
You seem busy but, er - GET HIM OUT! - Get out! Yes.
No, I'm sorry.
Yes.
And breathe, breathe.
All fours is that a new thing? It's actually the best way of giving birth.
They did a study in New York, I think.
You don't need to give him the details.
Lugaretzia's daughter Leonora's waters broke in our house and she was just wondering if you'd come over and deliver the baby.
You wouldn't ask if you knew how long we've been waiting for this baby.
And Florence is not a young mother.
- Everything is much more dangerous.
- And I'm your wife! Yes.
How regular are Leonora's contractions? Well, she's not even getting them yet.
I told her, have a cup of tea, put your feet up and light up a cigar.
Well, I'm busy here, so I'm gonna have to give you a crash course in childbirth.
All right.
Boil lots of water.
Oh, yes, I knew that one! Imagine waves crashing rhythmically on the beach.
- Me? - No, my wife! Of course.
Yes, sorry.
As you were.
~ So it seems these are what the encyclopaedia calls paroxysms.
Lugaretzia, you must know what to do.
You've given birth twice.
A long time ago.
I was there, not here looking at the Sharp end, yes, yes, yes.
"Presence at Accouchement is the sole preserve of the obstetrics".
That's clear when you're trying to help a lady have a baby (!) No-no, it's all fine.
It's all fine, it's all under control.
"Modesty may be preserved by the use of a blindfold on the part of the physician" When was this written? How are you feeling? Like I've been trampled underfoot and left for dead.
That wasn't my intention.
I'm hardly going to congratulate you on your decision.
Why can't there be some safe, happy ground for men and women? You know, somewhere between possession and affection? Always her.
Welcome to my leaving party.
I'm returning to England.
With - With this? - "This"? No.
It-It cannot happen.
We were together.
What did I do wrong? You are utterly exhausting.
And so vain and proud that you still can't see I don't love you, - I love Louisa.
- No.
- No! - God! What have you done? Oh, dear.
This is unfortunate.
Hold this.
Tight.
I'm going to take your car and get help.
Well, drive carefully, please.
We don't want any accidents.
Mrs Durrells? - Vasilia's stabbed Hugh.
- No.
He's in the old olive grove, by the well.
He's all alone, but he was conscious when I left him.
I know what to do, I'll go to him.
I'll fetch the doctor.
Hello.
Oh, hello.
What are you up to? Nothing.
I'll buy you a drink.
Isn't it a bit early? "There is a time to be born and a time to die.
" Nothing else should have a timetable.
You're so frigging deep.
- What's your book? - Dr Petrides lent it to me.
A Practical Guide To Midwifery.
Leonora's waters have broken.
On our kitchen floor.
- Doesn't that mean she's about to have her baby? - Well, eventually.
I remember when Mum went into labour with Gerry.
It took days.
Father took us to the zoo.
When we came back, Mother was still at it so we went back to the zoo and then the circus.
The one thing I learnt from Vasilia is Don't go out with a girl like Vasilia? I miss her, actually.
Not just the sex.
Though I was thinking, perhaps one last time.
I should pop in and see her actually.
That's what I like about Corfu.
Nobody's in a rush.
Ah.
The Angel of Death.
You probably think you can cure this with olive oil, ah? I could give it a try.
I have many reasons to let you die.
You hate me.
Yeah, well, you started it.
And you drive a silly little car.
A red one.
But now I have to keep you alive for Mrs Durrells.
Hugh? Eh, Hugh? Hugh! Vasilia? I'm getting terrible deja vu.
Oh, hello! - Off somewhere nice? - Anywhere there are no British.
Ah, well, don't go to Malta.
Apparently it's like a hot Weston-super-Mare.
- What's happening? - What was always going to happen.
Shouldn't you shut the door behind you? The door is already shut behind me.
Can you stop talking like a crap Oracle? What a brilliantly odd day this is turning out to be.
Hello! Help! Oh, Dr Petrides! Dr Petrides! Ah.
You You have to come now! Right now.
Hugh's been stabbed.
He's bleeding badly.
Oh, you have to go.
Oh, I had false contractions, you know, Braxton Hicks.
Married to a doctor, you think they know everything.
I'll stay here.
I've had children.
If anything happens, I know what to do at the sharp end.
- Please go.
- I'll wait till you get back.
He's at his olive grove in Paramonas.
- A stabbing puts this age-old ritual into perspective.
- Yes, it does.
All right? Yes, it's just more of Oh, no.
Ooh.
That feels real.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Come on.
Oh! Oh! Oh, no.
Don't worry.
I'm here to look after you.
- This must be the first time otters have been bred in captivity on Corfu.
- I'm nervous.
We are at the forefront of a new science, Gerry: conservation in action.
I'm terribly excited.
She's sort of rocking.
Probably Lugaretzia's daughter giving birth.
What? Nobody minds me watching animals mate and produce, but I'm not sure it's quite the thing if it's a human.
~ ~ Once again, I promise I'll forget what I've seen as soon as this is over.
Now, this stage can of course last for many, many Ah! That looks like the tip of the head, mind you.
- It's going to be all right, Lugaretzia.
- I am scared.
- She is my best daughter.
- I'm sure they're both excellent.
Don't worry, it's looking good up there.
As far as one can ever tell.
Wait.
We don't want her to feel she's part of the grand tour.
Push! Push! You're doing well.
Let's leave Leslie to it.
- This may be the making of him.
- Yes.
That's it, Leonora, keep pushing.
Keep going.
That's it! Keep it coming! I want them to hear you in Albania! I want my husband.
He won't be long.
He's saving a life.
I hope.
How can a woman be so cruel? Can we concentrate on me? He can't die, that would be too neat, what with you giving birth to a beautiful, healthy baby.
I've waited too long for this baby.
I want it too much! Come on.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Come on, Hugh, wake up.
Hugh, do you hear me? ~ - ~ - ~ His car kept stalling.
You should have taken mine.
Right, that's it, I'm gonna hit him.
- You did a good job.
- Really? Damn.
Keep going, keep going.
It's a girl! How did you get her all in there? I suppose she must have been folded up, or something.
Eimai koritsi! Oh, er, wait, er.
Read out what you have to do afterwards.
- Erm - Quickly! "Parturition may without jeopardy or prejudice to health be achieved-" Forget it, forget it.
I remember Gerry saying something about animals gnawing through it, so So I'm going to cut the cord, obviously, if you could just Two cubs.
Produced in dignified silence.
Let's hope they are the Adam and Eve of the otter population on Corfu.
Yeah.
Aw! Ah! No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
~ - There's another one! - No, Leslie, I think it may be -- - It's the placenta.
Oh, yes.
False alarm.
How long have you been there? Leslie, come here.
I-I think I need to rest.
Who does he look like? My mother.
What happened? He happened.
Is he well? Are you Are you well? He is.
We are.
Hugh needs to go to hospital in Athens in case of internal damage, but he's alive.
Everyone's alive.
Hugh needs to give Spiros a big bunch of flowers.
I'd like to be there for that.
Did the doctor have his baby? Yes.
- Mother and son are wonderful.
- Ah.
I'm sorry I got you embroiled in Vasilia.
Looks like you came off worse.
I-I should've been more gracious when you turned me down.
I-I'll just miss you so much.
And I'll miss you too.
You go on half your life about olives and then you nearly die in an olive grove.
Well, we all love a cosmic joke.
Ow! Mustn't laugh.
Well, can't sit around here all day.
No.
(Leslie delivered the baby.
) Oh! It's been quite a day.
Dr Petrides was busy, apparently, so I had to do it.
Oh, Leslie, darling.
I'm so proud of you.
Where've you been? You look a wreck.
I feel like one.
You should try delivering a baby.
I just have.
Florence's.
It's a boy.
I have never seen more relieved and excited parents.
Well, we must compare notes.
Was your placenta as enormous as mine? Where was the doctor? He was busy tending to Hugh.
Vasilia stabbed him.
No! Is he going to be all right? I think so.
It was horrible.
I was there.
Hugh and I have decided to part.
And as soon as he's patched up, he's moving back to England.
I've spent the whole day just missing everything interesting.
One of the otter cubs has died.
Oh, Gerry, darling.
Still, one's alive.
Would you say that if they were human babies? No, no, it's a good point.
Ah! Hooray! I'll come to that in a minute.
First, let me present the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Donald, come and see the baby.
This is Zoltan.
We met a few days ago.
Good evening.
You wouldn't be kissing that if you knew where it'd been.
Zoltan is so delightful.
Yes, I am delightful.
He's Turkish.
Perhaps the baby should leave.
Bless you.
Evlogimeni I Vasilia tou Patros ke tou Iou ke tou Hagiou Pneumatos nin ke ai ke is tous eonas ton eonon.
- Amin.
- Amin.
- Amen.
En irini tou kyriou theithomen.
Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Technically, as Godfather, Leslie has the right to choose the baby's name.
Don't tell him that.
- Why, what's his favourite name? - Leslie.
Vaptizetai o doulos tou, Angeliki, eis to onoma tou Patros kai tou Huiou ke ai tou Hagiou Pneumatos.
Amin.
Um, I don't know if this is allowed, but I just wanted to say thank you for letting me be Godfather.
My own father died when I was young .
.
and if that ever happened to little Angeliki here, God forbid Sorry.
Although you do work in a lumber mill, which can be very dangerous.
If that happens, I'll be here to help.
I used to think I was very unlucky in life .
.
and a bit of a liability.
But delivering the baby that day, and being given this opportunity, it's made me feel very lucky indeed.
It's fine.
No, it's fine, I'm a good catch.
I think it was the oil.
So I haven't actually ruled out training to be a doctor.
I've sent off for the details.
I think you can do it via correspondence.
So, Hugh is halfway back to England.
Yes, yes, in a tiny sports car loaded with olives.
Full of hope.
I just didn't love him enough.
I wonder where Vasilia went? - It seems she has escaped from Corfu.
- Mmm.
No, I can't help imagining her on horseback somewhere in Tuscany, desperately trying to catch up with Hugh.
You write, I believe.
Yes.
Yes I'll lend you my novel.
I always feel I could write superbly if I tried.
Mmm.
And I swim superbly.
So I have no fear.
What does Margo see in you? When I ride the horse, I have no fear, for I ride superbly.
You see, I am not a fearful man.
Well, my ferry leaves shortly.
Donald, I'm so sorry I don't love you.
No, no, absolutely, it's-it's fine.
It's like Mother with Hugh.
If there's something missing, like the yeast in bread, a couple will never rise.
We just didn't have the yeast.
Well, good luck with Zoltan.
He's superb, isn't he? - No, he's not.
- Oh.
In fact I'd say you couldn't pick a worse boyfriend if you scoured the world's prisons.
And I have more yeast inside me than he'll ever have.
You see, now I'm starting to like you again because you're being more interesting.
Dr Petrides had to dash off.
- A child ate a poisonous frog, or something.
- Oh.
You need to take your baby.
Oh, yes.
That's it, isn't it? There's no time to myself any more.
So how close were you to taking us back to England? I would've stayed anyway.
Oh, you'll follow us wherever we go.
There's no escape.
But we should stay here as long as we can.
And I'll try to be more like Spiros.
In love with life and people.
And I don't care if that sounds sentimental.
~ Right, let's go home.
Gerry? Gerry! Margo! Mwah! Bye-bye, Gerry.
Finally, a fight.
I can write about this.
- Oh, God.
- No, no, no, let them.
I've never had men fight over me before.
Right, Larry Come on.
Come on.
Er, where's Leslie? Oh, I think he's retelling the story of the birth - to one of Lugaretzia's nieces.
- The last time I heard him, he'd delivered it while being attacked by otters.
- Leslie? - Leslie? - Les? - Les? - Leslie? - Leslie? - Leslie? - What? - Nothing.
Very good, Leslie.
Really good.
I love you all very much, you know.
Sorry.