The F Word (2017) s05e01 Episode Script

Season 5, Episode 1

The F Word is back, and this year I'm launching a competition to find our best local restaurant.
Week in, week out, the best local independent restaurants across Britain serve their customers with passion and pride.
I believe it's time for us to celebrate these unsung heroes.
Because I think they deserve our support - now more than ever.
Earlier this year I asked you where you love to eat.
Your response was incredible.
We had nearly 10,000 nominations.
'With the help of my team - journalist and foodie, Janet Street-Porter, 'and The F Word's maitre d', Jean-Baptiste, we checked out 'the places you love to eat.
' All three of us are searching across the country, high and low, to put the restaurants under scrutiny.
I don't like poncey places, I don't like pretension.
The restaurant will have to impress us on every level.
That is fucking amazing.
We divided your nominations into nine cuisines, including Indian, Chinese, French and Italian.
Each week, the top two will do battle in my kitchen.
Only the best will go through.
'The whole idea behind the search' for the unsung heroes this kind of chef typifies.
That is one of the best dishes I've eaten all year.
Thank you! I know Michelin-starred restaurants in the centre of London that are nowhere near as good as this.
There are only two restaurants going through to cook in the F Word restaurant and The French Table is one of them.
Congratulations, you are one of them.
We've had 10,000 nominations, but there can only be one winner, who will be crowned The F Word's best local restaurant? Tonight we're kicking off the competition with Italian.
Our top two restaurants - Salvo's in Leeds, and Prosecco in Bristol will be battling it out in The F Word kitchen, serving ravioli, venison, pork escalopes, and fig and frangipan tarts.
Plus, I'm going to Sicily to get my teeth into a delicious Italian delicacy.
Katie Price makes me feel a right tit in the recipe challenge.
I'm better well performed in bed when I haven't had a drink.
You're trying to put me off my cooking! And Janet's back, and she's raising a mixed grill.
I'm your new mum, so get over it! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Right Excited? Very excited.
How does it feel to be in The F Word kitchen? A bit overwhelming but we're ready for it.
Diego, how are you feeling? I'm shitting myself, really.
Are you ready to wow the diners? Yes.
One of you is gonna come out as The F Word's best Italian restaurant.
Make sure it's you.
'Prosecco, from Bristol, and Salvo's, from Leeds 'are our top two Italian contenders.
'Here's how I found them.
' The F Word viewers love Italian food.
You nominated hundreds of Italian restaurants.
But we could only choose two to compete in The F Word kitchen.
Determined to find the very best, we went to visit your culinary heroes, serving food just like mamma used to make.
The search took us all over Britain.
From Nottingham to Twickenham, Leicester to Leeds, Coventry to Clapham.
Your fingers are so delicate, it's like you're playing the piano.
We discovered fantastic food and in some cases an exceptional level of service.
There is an ad for a handyman in the ladies' loo! I'm blocking out his number, in case it's not what it seems! After months of whittling down hundreds of nominations, we finally found two outstanding contenders.
Salvo's in Leeds shone out.
How are you? I'm very good.
Welcome to Salvo's.
Like many of the best local restaurants, Salvo's is all about family.
John and Gip are brothers.
Their father, Salvo, started the restaurant in 1976, and 15 years ago they inherited the business.
The restaurant is about feeling welcome, feeling the urge to kick your shoes off, feeling like you have arrived home, and that's what we are about.
Showing our passion for southern Italian food and hospitality.
Every mouthful I'm tasting I'm trying to find somethingwrong with it.
They would give a lot of Italian chefs a run for their money in London.
Trust me.
If we got through, it would be fabulous, I would be really proud.
They are clearly passionate, family-run, which is nice, authentic, simple Italian cuisine, done with a great delivery of flavour.
So I've made my decision.
Beautiful picture there.
Who's that? That's Mum and Dad in Salerno.
I think your parents are going to be incredibly proud .
because you're through to the next round.
Come on! Well done, guys! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Just so proud, I wish my dad was here to share this moment with us, they would be so chuffed to bits.
Salvo's from Leeds will be cooking in The F Word kitchen tonight.
And I've found the perfect restaurant to take them on.
Prosecco is a tiny place in Bristol, but it's already getting a big reputation.
It was opened three years ago by Venetian chef Diego Da Re, and is hugely popular with the locals.
How are you? Are you well? Yeah, very well, thank you.
This is where you are hiding? This is my bunker, this is my kingdom.
Christ! OK, now You want it, now you get it! While Diego works his magic in the kitchen, his wife, Heidi, holds down three jobs.
She's a teacher by day, charms the front of house by night, and also is a hands-on mum.
I think I married Wonder Woman, because I don't know how she does it, she's absolutely incredible.
First up for me, ravioli in a saffron sauce.
He personally makes these himself? Yes.
'I'm keen to try Diego's risotto, a staple on every Italian menu, 'but a very hard dish to get it just right.
' Not easy cooking out of a kitchen that small.
Yes, it's always a challenge.
The saffron sauce was very strong.
I went out of my way just to do something special and probably I cocked it up.
The awkward thing for me is that this is a very difficult category.
Sadly there is only two restaurants going through to cook at the F Word restaurant for 50 diners.
And you're one of them, congratulations.
Really? Thank you very much.
Why? That was one of the best risottos I've ever tasted.
Absolutely delicious.
I mean, seriously delicious.
Now you've got a real test for 50 diners, and I have got every confidence in you, that you can pull it off.
That is brilliant, that is brilliant, that's good! Diego - too good looking to be a chef.
Thank God I'm not having lunch with my wife today, she'd go mad for him.
You really deserve it.
The whole idea of searching the country for these unsung heroes, this is why - that is spot on, accurate, passionate Italian cooking.
So I found my top two Italian restaurants.
Will The F Word diners prefer Prosecco's elegance .
or Salvo's rustic charm? We're about to find out.
We're going to London! Salvo's, shake hands with Prosecco.
Let's go.
May the best brigade win.
That's the end of being matey, now we fight like a proper kitchen until the last dessert leaves the hot plate.
Don't let me down.
More importantly, don't let yourselves down or your restaurants down.
Good luck.
Enough chat, it's time for the starter.
Let's go.
Next on the menu, will my trip to Sicily tip me over the edge? In the recipe challenge, Katie Price sets the record straight.
I'm not high maintenance, believe it or not.
Katie Price, excuse me, that's like saying I'm a vegetarian.
You're not high maintenance! I'm not! We're back in London atthe F Word restaurant.
Tonight we're going Italian.
From nearly 700 nominations, we've found the F Word's best two local Italian restaurants Salvo'sin Leeds and Prosecco in Bristol.
They'll serve25 portions of their own starters.
If The F Word diners don't like it, they won't pay.
OK, on order, Salvo's.
Two spinach ravioli, two pork.
Dessert, two tart.
Yes, chef.
Prosecco, two crab ravioli, two venison, followed by two tart.
Yes, chef! So, they're under way and every plate they send out is crucial.
Half will try Salvo's starter, half, Prosecco's.
'I have challenged them to cook ravioli 'an Italian classic that is incredibly difficult to get right.
'While the brigades are preparing their versions, here's how I do it.
' Fresh pasta - the secret behind a great ravioli.
Smooth, silky and absolutely delicious.
Fry the filling.
Olive oil, butter, garlic, spinach, salt, pepper, nutmeg.
Drain, chop.
Ricotta, lemon zest, toasted pine nuts, Parmesan.
Pasta dough.
Through the machine, roll, superthin.
Cut, on.
Egg yolk, fold, push down and squeeze all that air out.
Fold, trim.
Now to cook the raviolis, literally one and a half minutes into the boiling water.
Sage butter.
Hot pan.
Olive oil, butter, sage, lemon juice.
Take the raviolis out, gently roll it round the sage butter and, look, delicious, delicate pillows.
Spinach ricotta and pine nut ravioli with sage butter Done.
As the best two Italian restaurants, I know you can get every guest out therepaying for your raviolis.
Make it count, yeah? 'Ravioli is a simple dish, but one that really tests the chef, ' becauseany flaws are immediately obvious.
Both are cooking their own recipes.
Let's see who comes out on top.
Salvo's in Leeds has been making pasta for 33 years.
Their southern Italian food is rustic and charming.
Cooking's not a chore, it's a joy.
They are keeping it simple, with a spinach and ricotta ravioli.
They are making a type of pasta called fassilette.
It's hand cut andfolded like a handkerchief.
It will be served with a simple tomato sauce, which they'll thicken with cold butter.
The recipe originated from where? It's a southern recipe.
It's rustic.
What are you finishing with? Some fresh plum tomatoes, salted with a little oil.
Don't stop.
Work and talk at the same time.
I'm not a woman, I can only do one thing at once.
You don't sound that Italian, you have a broad Yorkshire accent? I am fluent in Italian.
What would you say to someone who thought that you weren't Italian? (SPEAKS ITALIAN) Hi! There you go.
Bon appetit.
Thank you very much.
Here is what I'm faced with, a pretty-boy ravioli from Milan and a rustic one from Leeds.
But they're both very impressive.
"Pretty boy.
" First, I'm from Venice, not Milan.
Fucking grumpy Italians! Jesus, are you always like this? This is nothing! Diego's northern Italian roots means his food is elegant and sophisticated.
It might not appeal to everyone.
But people love it, so I think we are on to something and doing it pretty much right.
'Our fiery Venetian is taking more of a risk with his ravioli.
' 'using a delicate filling of crab, garlic and potato, 'with saffron in his sauce.
It is an unusual taste, 'so he has to get it just right.
' What would it mean to win tonight? Probably like winning the Champions League.
You know, that's the feeling, really.
Gordon, this brush is no good.
The brush? This brush lives down this, there is bits of plastic.
It is meant to be a black one, no.
What do you mean? A black-haired brush.
You keep your eyes open, I'm not going to blame the brush.
A black brush won't make a difference.
It is make a difference, when one of these hairs has gone inside I won't be able to see it.
Black brush, you will see it, it's like one of your hairs.
From seeing your fuckin' kitchen in Bristol, don't dare slag off this kitchen! Let's get that right.
From a man who cooks out of a fucking cubby hole? You don't have a kitchen here, you have a palace.
It is a palace and I don't expectguys like you complaining about a fucking brush! Complaining about a fucking brush! You make three flats out of this kitchen! I want this to be the best service of your life.
Four out, four in.
How long, Diego, for the raviolis? 30 seconds.
Are you changing the sauce? Yes, I just put it in the sauce.
You got four more rolling? I have four more in.
They smell fantastic.
Really, really good.
There's so muchmore to Italian cuisine than pizza.
Here's one of my favourite ingredients.
This is Cefalu on the beautiful island of Sicily, home to one of Italy's most delicious ingredients.
It's octopus.
For some bizarrereason, we are terrified of eating it, but it tastes amazing, packed full of flavourand incredibly delicious.
Beneath these crystal clear waters are hidden some of thebest-tasting octopus in the world.
'Enzo Oliveri grew up here and is going to show me how to catch them.
' I'm obsessed with octopus, we'vehad them for the last ten years, from soup to the most amazing salad.
Everyone loves it, when we have at the table, the octopus, we go crazy for it.
'Octopus can be tricky to catch, so to maximise our chances, 'we're laying pots off the coast.
'The more you lay, the luckier you get.
' So there's no bait? No mussels, no cockles? Nothing at all.
'The octopus use the pots for shelter.
'I've heard they love shiny objects.
' You're going to put a coin in there? 'I'm hoping a few quid will increase my chances.
' A good investment! That's another one.
It will be all full of octopus.
If not, I'm going diving to get my money back! 'We left the pots to do their work, but later that evening Enzo decided 'to show me another method of catching the elusive octopus.
' We should be sleeping now.
We're not, we're going fishing.
'This is the way his father used to catch octopus, in the dead of night, 'when they come out to feed.
' What is the process now? We look on the bottom of the sea, as soon as we see any movement of octopus looking for food, we're going to spear it.
What colour are we looking for? Same as the rocks.
'Finally, we found one, 'but as I moved in for the kill, the boat hit a rock.
'I lost my footing and the octopus disappeared, I was gutted.
'I got so close to it I could almost taste it.
'My favourite Sicilian octopus recipewould have to wait.
' 'Next morning, following rough weather overnight, and with more 'bad weather forecast, I knew I had to get out to my pots fast.
' Bigger swell on the water today.
Here we go.
Fingers crossed.
15 or 16 octopus.
Here is the first pot, anything in there? Shit.
Not even the coin? Not even Oh, there it is.
It's the second pot.
Second pot Shit! 'It wasn't just the first two that are empty.
' Come on! Now, you understand why they are expensive to buy, octopus.
'We pulled all 35 pots without one octopus to cook with.
' Absolutely sweet fuck all.
They don't want to be cooked by you.
Plan B? Yeah, I think I have got Plan B.
'Enzo's mate had laid some pots a few days earlier and swore 'they'd be brimming with octopus.
'Before we could reach them, our luck turned from bad to worse.
' THUNDER Damn, it's a disaster, we are caught in a huge storm.
We'll head back to port and wait until the weather drops off.
'But the storm didn't pass.
In fact, the weather got even worse 'and it was three days before the clouds cleared, 'and I could resume my octopus hunt.
' They are saying in town that's one of the worst storms in 40 years.
'With the sea finally calm, our chances were the best they'd been.
' How long have the potsbeen out? They've been here nearly a week.
They will be full of octopus.
First one.
'It's been the story for the past five days.
' Enzo, not today? That is just the beginning, there is one.
Yes! Finally, finally.
Jesus! Finally.
Oh, my God! Jesus! 'We had caught it the traditional way, so I was determined to kill it 'the traditional way, too.
' How do you kill them? You bite its head.
You what? Bite its head to kill it.
There? Go ahead.
That's good.
Shit! We finally got one! Jesus! Bravo! Jesus! Bravo! 'Finally, luck was onour side.
' Thank God for that! 'We pulled in another two, including a feisty two-pounder.
'Getting my hands on these little suckers had been a real battle.
'But I've got a mouth-watering Sicilian stew recipe, 'that I knew would make it worthwhile.
' Five days for that baby.
Ready to go.
Now I'm going to quickly blanch it, inshe goes.
Seasoning and a splashof white wine to the pan and boil for ten minutes.
Time to get the octopus out.
Look at that.
The base of my octopus stew is fried chillis, onions and garlic.
Take off the top.
Slice that down.
In, the octopus will start absorbing all the wonderful sweet flavour.
Mix in tomato, olives, capers, anchovies, parsley, fish stock and a splash of olive oil.
Simmer for 35-40 minutes.
'I'm serving my octopus stew to Enzo's family.
' A proper Sicilian family, yes? 'They are a tough mob and if they 'don't like it, I might wake up with a horse's head in my bed.
' I like it very much.
It is very, very good.
Fantastic, good.
Tough five days.
It was worth it, to taste like this.
Katie Price is tonight's recipechallenger, so she doesn't get to vote, but my team prepared both starters for her to try.
Katie, nice to meet you.
Enjoying your food? Lovely, trying to decide which one I prefer.
The first or the second.
And if you had to pick? The crab one.
Not too strong? Interesting, good.
Favourite Italian, what would it be? Do you have a local in Brighton? Donatellos.
It is always busy, they have so many different varieties of pasta and different dishes.
Is it the pastas, soups, tagliatelle? I like tagliatelle carbonara, with extra peas, mushrooms and more cream.
Something you cook at home? I've never tried it.
You are here for the recipe challenge? Are you excited? I am, actually.
Do you think you can beat me? Do you think you can beat me? That's a silly question! Steal this recipe from Mum? When I was younger, I always looked forward to Saturday night, watching Murder She Wrote, Blind Date, with my chicken Kiev, sweetcorn and chips.
Chicken Kiev, sweetcorn and chips.
Fantastic, see you in the kitchen.
Enjoy your dinner.
Last table, Gip, makes sure it goes out like the first table, yeah? Check you've got theParmesan there, ready to go, maybe a few more scrapings.
Italian cuisine at its best, northern and southern, I can't wait to hear the feedback from the customers.
It will be a close contest.
Absolutely fantastic.
Really good.
Gip, Chris, well done.
I thought the spinach and ricotta pasta was lovely.
The sauce was really lovely - buttery, but light.
I enjoyed it.
It was quite nice - all the ingredientswere quite nice.
But the pasta was a bit undercooked.
How were they? Very nice.
And that was Salvo's? The kind of thing you would seeon Prosecco? No, no, no, it Something a bit more refined? Not refined, Diego's would be a cleaner presentation.
Are yougoing to pay? I am.
Glad to hear it.
Good to see you.
Thanks, Gordon.
I thought the flavour was fantastic, overall, quite a tasty dish.
I felt it was slightly under-seasoned, it was lacking some taste in there, for me.
I won't be paying.
Did you enjoy the starter? Yes, it was fine.
It clarified the difference betweennorthern and southern Italy.
Southern Italy, it's about the flavours talking for themselves, northern Italian, a little bit, dare I say, a little bit fancy, a little bit richer flavours.
Very different style.
Are you going to pay for it? No.
Wow! Are you paying for yours? I'm not.
You both liked it, but you're not going to pay? It's just not, I'm being polite, it is not good enough quality.
Enjoy your main course.
Good to see you.
'One wife's paying for the opposition starter 'and the other isn't.
' Couldn't wait to try these and see what they are made of.
Pasta a bit thick, from Salvo's.
Really good flavour, sauce not too heavy, in terms of flavour, rustic and charming.
Prosecco's, got to try that.
Pasta, nice and thin.
Pasta is cooked perfectly, sauce vibrant, got a wow factor.
The unfortunate thing is, inside, theravioli is slightly bland.
It could do with a touch more seasoning.
A shame.
'I like both dishes, but some diners have found a lot to criticise.
'I don't know what the result will be.
' JB, please, right, thank you.
Let's start off with Salvo's.
The number of customers that are happy to pay for your starter tonight is 19 out of 25.
Well done, congratulations.
The six customers thatdidn't pay for their starter, why? Mainly, thepasta was too thick.
Did you both roll the pasta? I rolled it, mea culpa, perhaps I didn't get one or two lines.
However, 19 out of 25, well done.
Prosecco, out of 25 starters, the amount willing to pay foryour starter is 15 out of 25.
Well done.
Prosecco, what happened? The crab meat was under-seasoned.
The crab meat was under-seasoned.
A slightly bland filling? I should have put more, a bit of salt and pepper would have made it better, OK.
You've still got your signaturedish and you can pull it back.
Head up.
Salvo's, you're in the lead.
A long way to go.
Now, think of it this way, you've got 50 portions of your main course to go.
Pull it back, guys.
Good luck, let's go.
Next on the menu, Katie Price's breasts go under the knife again in the recipe challenge That's a proper operation.
Nature gets its own back on Janet Street-Porter Ow! Fucking thing just kicked me in the leg.
And can Salvo's hold their four-point lead or will Prosecco fight back with their signature dish? I just want to win and cover them with shame.
Welcome back to The F Word.
Both restaurants will be cooking one of their favourite Italian dishes.
First up is Salvo's.
Check on, Gip, one pork al aceto.
The recipe for Salvo's pork maiale al aceto, is one of Gip's favourite dishes.
Pork is my favourite meat, it is the king of meats.
First, he cuts three medallions, and pounds them into escalopes.
Next he chops fresh mint, crutches a garlic clove, and adds white balsamic vinegar.
Then stirs in grilled courgettes.
I can smell the garlic just releasing its flavour with the heat of that.
He places in a hot oven to soften further.
He blackens and peels his peppers, and coats the escalopes in flour and shallow fries.
I'm putting the peppers in and the capers.
He then adds parsley, garlic, thyme and vinegar.
Then some sugar, vital to balance the acidity.
Now the vinegar has done its work, a bit of white wine, a bit of stock.
Gip finishes the sauce with a knob of butter.
Table five.
Table five, coming up, one maiale.
Pork escalopes with sweet and sour peppers, served.
Why did you choose this dish? It has a lot of southern roots to it.
Are you putting colour on the pork or just lightly searing it? A little colour on the pork.
It doesn't want to be too hard.
It's a soft escalope.
Diego, your venison dish, using the loin? Excellent, it cooks so quickly.
Serving that pink? Yes.
Prosecco have to pull out all the stops for the main course cos they're four points behind.
Has he got a winning dish in that venison? Check on one, venison special.
Prosecco's signature dish is a venison fillet with polenta and pancetta.
First, Diego sears a venison fillet then flambes with gin.
He roasts it in an oven for six to eight minutes.
Next, polenta.
In Italian homes, this is traditionally cooked slowly, but in a busy kitchen, Diego uses a quick-cook polenta, just as delicious, but cooked in minutes rather than hours.
My grandmother would be horrified using something like this, it is betrayal.
Next, he fries, onions, carrots and celery, and then adds juniper berries to compliment the gin.
A nice gin kind of edge to your meat.
Diego adds a bay leaf and some rosemary, then pours on a glass of red wine and lets it reduce before adding venison stock.
Finally, he pan fries pancetta, adds blanched cabbage and crumbles in chestnuts.
You have salt, pepper and then a bit of sweetness with the chestnuts.
Venison fillet with polenta and pancetta, served.
Are you running the venison through the oven, or not? I give it a flash in the oven.
Bit of gin, juniper flavour.
Why did you choose your venison dish? It represents something from the mountain, it's something everybody eats in my region.
Are you happy with that? Come on, Gip, talk to me? Yes, just looking at each one.
Four more away.
Keep them all looking like that, yes? Indeed, chef.
You are already there, we make a triangle.
And you like the polenta runny? I like it to mop up the sauce with it.
Service, please.
Diego, they look fantastic and it smells delicious.
Four more, please.
I have got another four.
Take your time, it is not a race.
It is not a race.
It is not a race, but it is important to win.
Diego, these marks are very close.
Close is not 19-15.
What, four in it? Your wife, Heidi, agreed to pay for their dish.
Yeah? Gip's wife didn't agree to pay for your dish.
I wonder why?! Gip, did you know that your wife, and your brother refused to pay for Diego's starter? I didn't know that.
Diego's wife paid for yours, she thought yours was delicious.
Keep the energy up.
The energy is there, let me use it for cookingnot for conversation.
Watching your plate.
I had the pork, it was nice and tender, I really liked the mash with the crispy red peppers.
The courgettes were lovely with the mint and butter.
But the overriding taste was of vinegar.
I have elected not to pay for this dish.
I wouldn't pay for that, there was a lot of flavours, too many flavours, all a little bit mixed up, all a little bit too much.
The venison is beautiful, I really, really liked the chestnuts and the pancetta is really nice.
This blows the pork out of the water.
It is a beautiful piece of meat and excellently cooked.
I'm not paying for the venison because I didn't think it was cooked how it should have been cooked.
Right, pork dish from Salvo's, with crushed new potatoes.
The pork is cooked perfectly, moist, incredibly flavoursome, nice little sear.
Courgettes, they have managed to make a boring courgette into something quite tasty.
That is delicious.
However, the sad news is, the sauce is a little bit too acidic, too strong for the pork.
The venison dish, simple presentation, how is the venison cooked? Slice it in the middle.
Look at that, perfectly cooked.
That is harmony, absolutely spot on.
Damn, such a shame, that's just a little bit too acidic.
Now, time to get the diners' verdicts.
Well done.
Seriously well done, how do you feel? Excited, looking forward to the results.
That is probably one of the most intense services I have ever done.
All four of you did exceptionally well, and both dishes phenomenal.
JB, please.
Salvo? For your main course, those that were happy to pay out of 50.
34 out of 50, well done.
What was the feedback on the 16 that didn't pay? The main reason is too vinegary.
34 out of 50, well done.
Prosecco .
there's a lot hanging on this one.
The amount of customers out of 50 that are happy to pay for your venison.
40 out of 50, congratulations.
What was the feedback on the ten that didn't want to pay? Not enough sauce, and not very keen on the polenta.
How can you complain abouteh? Totals, so far, Salvo, your restaurant scores 53 out of 75.
Prosecco, your restaurant scores 55 out of 75.
You're now in front.
That is tight, very, very tight.
It all comes down to dessert.
Clear down, get ready for dessert.
Well done, guys, really well done.
Come on, Prosecco! Right, Janet's back, and she's not just rearing one animal, this time it is a whole mixed grill.
Last year Janet became a farmer for the first time, rearing two veal calves.
Argh, stop gumming me! Now I'm challenging her to raise all the meat for the series finale in The F Word restaurant.
In total, she will be raising over 30 animals.
It will be a huge challenge.
First up, I've sent Janet to choose some cattle to provide me with some top notch beef and dairy.
But not just any cattle.
I have selected Dexters .
a miniature Irish breed, which when fully grown, are still only half the size of a normal cow.
Penny Hodgson is one of the UK's top Dexter farmers, and she will give Janet help and advice on the breed.
It looks like a Shetland pony turned into a cow! I just find you fall in love with them.
I doubt it, Penny.
Janet will be taking away two pint-sized milkers, both come with calves.
The only thing when you are milking them is you have to bend a long way down.
A good milking cow should have a healthy udder and a placid nature.
Ow! Naughty girl.
I'm so sorry.
The fucking thing just kicked me in the leg.
She is feeding two calves, she's probably thinking someone else is trying to get some milk.
That was a real one off.
She is one of the most placid girls in the herd.
Did you see that?! That placid woman just head butted another animal.
I like a bit of spirit, I'll choose her.
Next I want her to pick a couple of male Dexters, called steers, for beef.
I have asked her to choose Dexters with good frames, long backs and the beginnings of fatty pads on their rumps, that will fill out and give superb, dark, richly-marbled meat.
Are you a bit of a Gordon? You are Gordon, aren't you? How many animals is that all together? You will have seven little Dexters.
(SIGHS) The seven cows are happily loaded up for their journey to the new home.
It's the eighth cow I'm worried about! As far as I'm concerned, I didn't sign up to get kicked and, you know, knocked about by them.
I think there's too many of them.
But if anyone can keep this unruly bunch in check, Janet can.
I'm your new mum.
(BELLOWING) Look, I'm in charge now, so get over it.
Gordon! Good to see, you look great.
It's always good to be nice to me early on.
Starts off that way.
Then it goes horribly wrong.
I've always been taught to respect my elders.
Really good to see you.
The pressure in the kitchen is bigger than ever.
The pressure in the kitchen is bigger than ever.
You have put me under so much pressure, did you choose the Dexters because they are so very small, just to wind me up? You're a giant andthey will know who is boss from day one.
They did kick me.
Top notch meat for the final.
Look after my cows, don't scare them.
They won't be stressed out.
You look great, not a grey hair in sight, amazing.
Right, now it is time for the recipe challenge, and tonight's challenger is Katie Price, who promises to eat the most delicious horse meat sandwich if she loses.
Oh! I Oh, get that away! Horse meat! That is disgusting.
What are you cooking tonight? What are you cooking tonight? My favourite dish, chicken Kiev, sweetcorn and chips.
I thought I would do it different.
I'm brilliant at mashed potato, but with me it is not about presentation, it's about slapping it in and it tasting good.
You chosen chicken Kievs, I'm going to do my version.
I'm putting my spuds on.
I always put sugar in, don't ask me why.
It seems to taste better.
Sugar in the mashed potatoes, I'm feeling confident already.
Garlic butter, crushed garlic, fresh parsley and tarragon.
A touch of paprika for the heat.
I'm not used to these crushers.
I buy it already chopped.
Can't get anything out of it.
Squeeze really hard.
Can you manage? How important it food in your life? I absolutely love food.
Who does the cooking at home? I do some, but we have nannies, because I'm very strict that the kids have fresh food, don't like them having any processed food.
The kids have fresh food, don't like them having any processed food.
What kind of things would you cook on your own, what would you eat? If if it is just me, takeaways, curry, Thai.
Do you feel energetic after a curry? No, but I do like going to bed on a full stomach, you sleep well, even though it's not good for you.
Favourite aphrodisiac food? I don't have one.
In fact, people say if I'm sober I shouldn't give these secrets away.
I'm better well performed in bed when I haven't had a drink.
More filth, like the kitchen at the moment.
Now you're trying to put me off my cooking! Is that too much butter? Don't forget 30% of it will leak out anyway.
The more the merrier.
Stupid thing.
Shall I do it up for you? Do it up tightly, in a double knot.
Jesus Christ! There we are, is that tight enough? Brilliant.
The books have sold millions, the biographies, to the updates to the follow-ons.
Have you stopped and thought how much you're worth? My brother deals with my money, only gives me pocket money each month.
What's your allowance? My horses cost 6,500 a month to keep.
What about yourself in terms of spending? I'm not high maintenance, believe it or not.
Katie Price, that's like saying I'm a vegetarian.
You're not high maintenance? OK, my hair every three months costs 15,000, that is because I go to LA, and it is the flight that costs a lot.
What do they do?! Extensions.
That's 60 grand a year.
Look at the state of that.
If you beat me, I'll be gutted.
You do it properly.
It is a piping bag to go into the centre.
You can tell here who the cook is.
That's a proper operation there.
Looking at your hands there, your breasts are bigger than mine.
I'm not surprised, look at the shit I'm putting on them.
Oh, very funny! No, the chicken breasts.
No, the chicken breasts.
Everyone is going to know whose is whose.
They are blind tasters.
Oh, yeah! They're blind, ain't they? They are just called blind tasters cos they don't know who is cooking what.
Egg wash, breadcrumb, into a pan lightly seared and coloured, and into the oven.
Who is the better cook, Peter or Alex Reid? Completely different, Alex is more healthy, complete health freak.
Really? So Alex is a cage fighter, what was your mum's reaction when you told her? She says next time you go for someone, make sure he's a man's man.
I showed 'em his YouTube.
My dad was like "Bloody hell! "Yeah, he is.
" My chicken is about to go in the oven.
It may look messy, it is not about how it looks, it how it tastes.
Would you like to go on the top or bottom? Middle, have you got middle? Yes.
Where are you going? I'm going on top, I like on top.
Look at that already.
They have to cook for 10-12 minutes, then the blind tasters will pick a winner, there can only be one.
Excited? Very, I'm shaking with excitement.
Next, who will I crown the F Word's best local Italian restaurant? There's only two votes in this one, make it count.
'And will Katie Price's secret ingredient' What are you putting in there? Sugar.
bring her sweet success?' If you beat me, my career is screwed.
Welcome back to the F Word.
Time for the results of the recipe challenge.
Da da dah! The final countdown.
I like the look of those Kievs.
If you beat me, I will be so gutted.
Right! Come back with the right result.
Good luck! Hi, everyone.
Hi, everyone.
ALL: Hello.
Excellent! Chicken is really tender.
Garlic butter is lovely.
It is quite dry.
I prefer the texture of this one.
It is really sweet mashed potato.
I prefer the taste of the potato.
It's more buttery.
JB, what was the score? It was five to nuil.
If you beat me, seriously As if I've beaten you! No, if you beat me 5-nil on this one, my career is screwed.
5-0 to who? Don't do this to me! The winner is The winner is Yes? It's you.
Yes! 5-nil? Yes.
Thank God for that! I saw the sugar in the mashed potato and then I thought, I've got it! Now, get out of my kitchen and don't forget your sandwich.
Nice to cook with you.
See ya! Bye! Now, it's time for my dessert.
Fig and frangipane tart.
Almondy, luxurious and delicious.
First off, the frangipane.
Butter, icing sugar, sieved.
Ground almonds.
Two eggs mix.
Puff pastry cut discs Prick.
Smooth on frangipane, egg yolk, dust with icing sugar The secret is to pre-bake the tart before you put the figs on it.
Bake for four to five minutes.
Mascarpone, icing sugar, lemon zest.
Now a nice spoon of lemon mascarpone on top.
Fig and frangipane tart with lemon mascarpone.
Done! Four tarts on table one! Diego! Four tarts on table four please.
Only two votes in this one.
Make it count! Use a nice warm spoon so it spreads out the frangipane.
Soon as the icing sugar is on there, make sure the pastry is right in the oven.
I want absolutely perfect, yes? Too much vinegar in your sauce is your fault.
This I want absolutely perfect.
Keep it going.
There is only two votes in this.
This is how close it is.
They look beautiful.
Yep? They look beautiful.
Let's go! Service please.
Five tarts away on table five.
Let's go! They look nice! They look lovely.
Keep the pace up, Diego.
Come on! Come on! Who's going home as the winner or loser, it is down to the tart.
Diego, service please, table one, very nice.
Let's go.
Good! Table one.
Prosecco started this course really well.
Unfortunately he has gone pear-shaped.
Salvo's are steady with better organisation.
This is too close to call.
The tart was really fabulous.
It was fresh, the mascarpone was fabulous with the lemon zest, lovely.
This is a great dessert.
It is two votes.
That is all that is in it.
We can pull it back at this stage.
The pastry was quite light, the figs were spot on, and the mascarpone had a nice zing to it.
The dessert is lovely.
Really nice.
The puff pastry is perfect.
Very crisp, so this is beautiful.
Thank you.
There's only two votes in this.
It's all down to dessert.
The amount of customers that are happy to pay for dessert is 16 out of 25 that are happy to pay for the dessert.
Well done! Salvo, if you get more than 18 out of 25, then you have won.
Good luck to you all.
The amount of guests that are happy to pay for your dessert is 20 out of 25, congratulations.
That was close.
Salvo, congratulations! You and your restaurant are the winners.
Really well done! Yes? Yes! You are now on the leaderboard.
Yes? You are now on the leaderboard.
Yes? Yes, indeed! In nine weeks' time we will find out who goes through to the semifinal.
Well done! It has been an absolute pleasure working with all four of you.
Now, do me a favour, get out there and get a large glass of Prosecco.
Off you go.
Well done! Salvo's are number one on the leaderboard, but will their score be high enough to earn them a place in the semifinals in the F Word's best local restaurant? We don't know what the next round will bring, but we're ready for it, aren't we? But we're ready for it, aren't we? Of course! But we're ready for it, aren't we? Of course! Bring it on! Next week, the competition hots up as we search for the F Word's best local Indian restaurant.
Is your favourite in the running? Fucking amazing! Janet takes delivery of more animals for her mixed grill.
And in the recipe challenge, Lenny Henry uses unusual ingredients.
Put your willie on this block and let's make toast! Thank you for watching.
If you would like to find more about the nominated restaurants, visit the F Word website.
Good night.