The F Word (2017) s05e03 Episode Script

Season 5, Episode 3

The F Word's back and trying to find our best local restaurant.
I've always loved independent restaurants.
Across Britain you'll find them week-in, week-out, proudly serving their customers fantastic food at great prices.
And best of all every single one is unique.
I think they deserve our support now more than ever.
Earlier this year, I asked you to log on to the F Word website and nominate your favourite local restaurant.
We had nearly 10,000 nominations.
Together with journalist and foodie Janet Street-Porter and the F Word's Jean-Baptiste, we set out to find the very, very best.
All three of us are searching across the country, high and low, to put these restaurants under scrutiny.
We've had 10,000 nominations but there can only be one winner.
Who will be crowned the F Word's best local restaurant? So far, I've found the F Word's best local Italian restaurant.
And the F Word's best local Indian restaurant.
And tonight, the competition continues with French.
Our top two restaurants will be battling it out in the F Word kitchen.
Starting with succulent fois gras, then pan-fried mullet with puy lentils, up against Pyrenean rack of lamb with aubergine and a rosemary sauce.
And finally, both brigades make Crepes Suzette.
Plus, I go back to Paris.
My love affair with French food began here and my heart still belongs to this city.
Je t'aime! As the brigades go tete a tete, I find out who's the best tosser.
Big pair of Newcastle bollocks.
Why aye, man! The F Word's here And the F Word's bad Cuss my mother and cuss my dad But I love my mother And I love my dad Wanna have all that they never had.
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Excellent.
Bienvenue.
Welcome.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Right! Gentlemen, welcome.
Good to see you.
Congratulations.
You are the best two French restaurants in the country.
From now on in, it's a competition, there can only be one winner.
Yes? 'The French Table from Surbiton, Surrey, 'and Bouchon Bistrot from Hexham, Northumberland, 'are our top two French contenders.
Here's how I found them.
' I've loved French food for many years.
So I couldn't wait to start searching for the creme de la creme of French restaurants.
My team travelled all over Britain to visit the places you nominated, where you love to eat.
From Stroud to Cambridge, from Teddington to Tunbridge Wells, from Norwich to Battersea.
Presentation wise, it's very basic.
As a native Frenchman, the F Word's maitre d' can certainly spot exceptional French cuisine.
It's not pretentious, it's fairly small, it's friendly, you get well looked after.
It's modern French, you know, not stuck up their own backsides.
After whittling down your nominations, we finally found two outstanding restaurants.
Tucked away in Surbiton, 13 miles from London, is a gastronomic treat - The French Table.
How are you? Where's the chef? Bon soir.
Ca va? Oui, tres bien, merci.
Vous meme? Tres bien, merci.
What a beautiful place! Thank you.
'Head chef Eric Guignard' Ca marche.
One fois gras, one lamb! '.
.
runs his kitchen with French passion.
' A good plate is like a beautiful woman.
It needs to look good, it needs to taste good and you mustn't be disappointed because you don't love it any more.
Eric puts his heart and soul into the cooking and his wife Sarah brings charm to the front of house.
People think French cuisine is heavy sauces, snails and frog's legs.
And it's much, much more.
Thank you.
It's a classic combination, isn't it? Husband-and-wife team.
Lady at the front, hard-ass chef, French, behind.
It's great.
'First up for me, rillettes of mackerel.
' Is that how it's normally served? That's how they serve at the Ritz! Delicious! I know it's good because I like it! And, you know, I have all my love in it.
So I know it's good.
'For the main course, I try the house special - Pyrenean lamb.
' God, it's like butter! Incredible.
I wouldn't expect to find lamb of that quality on the menu tucked away at the back of beyond, in Surbiton, in a bistro.
The lamb is delicious.
What a find! For me, the hard thing is that there's only two restaurants that are going through to cook in the F Word restaurant.
And this, having been in love with French food for many years, has been a very tough choice.
With only two restaurants going through The French Table is one of them.
CHEERS Congratulations! Brilliant.
Can't believe it.
I really can't believe it.
It's quite exciting! I'm excited now! They have just raised the bar.
It's going to be fucking hard to beat them, I tell you.
That's one of the best dishes I've eaten all year.
Oh, thank you! Really nice.
The French Table in Surbiton is through.
And I've found an amazing restaurant to take them on.
Bouchon Bistrot is in rural Northumberland in a small town called Hexham.
It's a local favourite and I knew just the man to check it out.
Hi, how are you? Fine.
Nice meeting you.
Jean-Baptiste grew up in restaurants and his uncle ran one of the most amazing restaurants in Lyon.
So if there's one person that can spot an amazing bistro, it's definitely Jean-Baptiste.
Run by Greg Bureau, Bouchon has only been open for two years but its reputation is spreading as the most genuine French restaurant for miles around.
People here are well-travelled.
They've visited France many times and it feels like they are in France when they come to Bouchon.
Nicholas? Enchante.
Jean-Baptiste.
Ca va? Tres bien, et toi? Oui, superb.
Nico Duhil is the head chef.
He first fell in love with cooking as a boy growing up in Brittany.
Cooking with shellfish and fish really reminds me of when I was young and when I first started to cook.
That's when I really discovered what we could do with fish.
Brings lots of memories, really.
For you, salade de faisan.
Lovely.
Thank you.
I wish you bon appetit.
Very tasty.
Very fresh.
The products are beautifully cooked.
You can't ask for better than that.
The reason I love to cook is simply because you get a whole fish, some raw vegetables and from all that, you can create something magical.
Mmm.
The veal, perfectly cooked.
So tender.
You can really see that the guy behind the stove knows his cooking.
Nico's obviously a very talented individual.
But running a successful kitchen relies on teamwork and his Geordie colleagues are very loyal.
Is your team, are they all French? No, none of them are.
None of them are? No.
So you're the only Froggy! Yes.
I'm the only one, yeah! Me and Nico have a good relationship.
I'll teach him how to reply in Geordie, he'll teach me French.
It's all good at the end of the day.
It'll be a new language before long! Why aye, man! JB said Bouchon Bistrot was faultlessly brilliant and I was prepared to trust his instinct 100%.
Hi, it's Gordon Ramsay.
How are you? Very good, thank you very much.
The French category has been huge.
I bet.
There can only be two restaurants that go through to the F Word dining room.
Right.
Right.
So, the Bouchon Bistrot Yeah? .
.
Is one of those restaurants.
Congratulations.
You're through.
Goodness me! Well done.
Fantastic! Bravo! Merci! A bientot.
A bientot, Gordon.
Bye-bye.
Au revoir.
Au revoir.
Nico, we are going to London! Bravo, bravo! Well done.
Wow.
Fantastic.
It's just amazing.
Absolutely amazing.
I can't believe it.
My eyes are filling up! We made it! CHAMPAGNE CORK POPS So I've found my top two French restaurants.
Will the F Word diners prefer Bouchon Bistrot's simple charm, or The French Table's elegant fine dining? Who'll be crowned the F Word's best local French restaurant? We're about to find out.
This needs to be the best service of your lives.
Now, don't let your restaurants down, and more importantly, the F Word diners.
Yes? They're here for a phenomenal experience.
Make it count.
Yes? Let's get cooking.
Bonne chance.
On your sections, let's go! Next on the menu, I'm off to Paris where my pastry skills are tested to the limit.
Trois, deux, un, zero! Shit! Janet Street-Porter's challenge to provide a mixed grill continues.
And tonight she gives birth! The mother and child! We're back in London at the F Word restaurant.
Tonight, we're going French.
From nearly 200 nominations, we found the F Word's best two local French restaurants.
Bouchon Bistrot in Northumberland.
And The French Table in Surbiton.
They'll both be serving 25 portions of their own starters.
If the F Word diners don't like it, they don't pay.
That includes family and friends.
Bouchon, one order, four covers, table 1 four foies gras, four mullet and four crepes.
Four mullet and four crepes.
Oui, Chef.
Four mullet and four crepes.
Oui, Chef.
Excellent.
The French Table, four covers, table four - four foies gras, four lamb, four crepes Suzette.
Yes, Chef.
Excellent.
They're underway and every single plate they send out is crucial.
I've challenged them to cook one of my favourite ingredients, foie gras, a French classic that is the ultimate test for these restaurants.
While they prepare their own recipes, here's how I do it.
Foie gras has to be the chef's ultimate ingredient, rich, sumptuous, melt in your mouth and absolutely delicious.
First off, caramelise your apples.
Core, peel, slice.
Hot pan.
Butter.
Just starting to foam, apples in.
Season.
Sugar.
Caramelise.
Calvados.
Thumb over the end.
Remove from heat.
Tarragon, chop.
Foie gras.
Heat knife, slice.
Salt.
Pepper.
Hot pan.
No oil, no butter.
Fry.
Remove.
Rest.
Slice.
There's the caramel from the apples.
Salt.
Foie gras with caramelised apples, done.
Gentlemen, remember, this is not a race.
I want those dishes looking, yes, perfect.
Oui, Chef.
Oui, Chef.
Sexy.
Both restaurants are cooking their own recipe.
It's a fascinating battle between fine dining and rustic bistro cooking.
But who will come out on top? Bouchon Bistrot in Hexham near Newcastle serves no frills, classic French food.
Basically it simple, rustic and flavourful.
Bouchon Bistrot are pan-frying their foie gras and serving it with spinach and pain epice.
This is a sweet French bread they bake in their own restaurant that will complement the richness of the foie gras.
What is that you put on there? It looks like a biscuit.
What is that? It's a pain epice.
It's a bit like gingerbread.
Gingerbread.
They look fantastic.
Are you happy with those? They look fantastic.
Are you happy with those? Very happy, Chef.
Why is the gingerbread on top, not underneath to absorb the fat? Just to keep the crisp of the gingerbread.
So it doesn't go soggy on the spinach as well? So it doesn't go soggy on the spinach as well? That's right.
Yes.
Right, Eric, what have you put underneath here, what is that? It is a toasted brioche with walnut.
Walnut brioche, and where did you buy that from? Walnut brioche, and where did you buy that from? We make it.
You made it, good.
I like that.
They look beautiful.
You happy with those, yes? You happy with those, yes? Yes.
Gorgeous.
You happy with those, yes? Yes.
Gorgeous.
Good.
The French Table in Surbiton serves fine dining French food in a relaxed environment.
When you're in the French Table, this is France.
You have to show your passport when you come in.
They are serving their foie gras on top of a walnut brioche.
With a fig and Muscat grape chutney, and pickled walnuts.
The chutney is seasoned with Mignonette pepper, a blend of peppercorns used in French cooking.
Eric, at the weekend you do cookery classes for your customers.
Eric, at the weekend you do cookery classes for your customers.
Yes, we do, yes.
What kind of things do you teach them? What kind of things do you teach them? We teach them There is one Saturday morning when we do bread classes.
Bread classes? And how do you teach them to make good bread? Bread classes? And how do you teach them to make good bread? It's a special secret rule.
Special secret? Please, whisper it to me.
The titties.
The titties.
The titties? Yes.
You need to feel like it is titties.
You knead the bread, so it feels It needs to feel like titties! You know, nice and firm.
OK, well done.
Well done.
Excellent.
Those two tables look fantastic.
Keep them all like that, I'll be surprised, if anyone refuses to pay for that foie gras.
Here's why French food is the envy of the world.
I'm going back to my beloved Paris to find out about one of the most famous French foods of all, the croissant.
As we Brits embrace coffee-shop culture, the croissant is fast becoming our favourite breakfast and last year we ate a staggering 60 million of them.
But the majority were mass produced by machines in factories and they can often contain additives for taste, colour and to make them last longer.
Sadly, the majority of croissants we get in this country taste like old cardboard.
I'm off to Paris to learn the art of a perfect croissant.
Bonjour.
We may expect inferior croissants in the UK, but even in Paris, the factory croissant is beginning to take over.
Many French boulangeries are now buying in the same mass produced dough.
If you want to find a traditional, authentic, hand-made croissant, you've got to look a little harder.
As a young chef, I spent a couple years working my arse off in Paris.
I was very fortunate to live above the most amazing boulanger, eating croissants seven days a week.
I never got a chance to perfect the perfect croissant, so I'm going back to the floor to see if I can turn out a batch of croissants as a pro baker.
Arnaud Delmontel has been hand making croissants for over 20 years.
Bonjour, Arnaud.
Ah, bonjour.
He's a Parisian baker who's still producing the delicious, rare hand-made versions we're all missing out on.
What's the secret behind your croissants? Love, butter, good ingredients.
And can you teach the perfect croissant or is it all in the feel? Ah, it depends on the student.
Right.
I hope I don't disappoint him.
So whose recipe is this? Did you steal it from an English chef? Um, not really.
The ingredients to make the dough are simple - flour, sugar The ingredients to make the dough are simple - flour, sugar Doucement! .
.
Milk, salt and yeast.
But they're perfectly balanced and the smallest mistake will ruin the entire batch.
With water and eggs added, the dough is then chilled and rested to use for the next day's baking.
24 hours.
So you're that far in advance, every time you're always in advance.
So you're that far in advance, every time you're always in advance.
Yes.
Using yesterday's pastry, the dough is gently rolled before we add the key ingredient.
That's the butter? That's the butter? That's the butter.
So it's like a whole slab of butter in the middle.
So it's like a whole slab of butter in the middle.
Voila! The French love rich foods and almost a third of every mouthful of Arnaud's croissants is butter.
The best butter you can find on the market.
Which is rare today because a lot of croissants are made with margarine and cheap forms of fat.
To produce the all-important layers in a croissant, the dough has to be rolled, then folded, rolled, then folded three times to create over 70 layers of dough and butter in each croissant.
The pastry is cut into triangles and rolled into the famous croissant shape.
You need to be gentle, so as not to crush the layers.
It's a technique the French have perfected.
Do it like this.
So you're caressing it? It's like you're caressing a Tu caresses mais tu n'ecrases pas.
Right.
Caress, but don't crush it.
Every morning he has the challenge of hand-rolling 400 croissants for discerning Parisians.
Can I match his lightning speed? So, there's 40 croissants here.
Normally, how long would that take you to make and roll? Around three minutes.
Three minutes.
OK.
3, 2, 1.
To match Arnaud, I needed to be able to roll one every 4.
5 seconds.
Attention! Tu caresses Don't crush.
Shit! Ah, merde! 15 seconds left.
Cinq, quatre, trois.
Deux.
Un.
Zero.
Shit! That's 30 in three minutes.
So I'm 10 behind.
I thought coming back to Paris wouldn't be like it was 20 years ago when I was getting my arse kicked.
The rolled croissant are then gently heated to activate the yeast, so they rise.
They're glazed with egg and then they're baked.
Right, see you in 20 minutes.
They'll come out crispy, golden and delicious.
Je t'aime.
Allez! The smell was taking me back 20 years.
The smell is amazing.
I couldn't wait to taste if all our hard work was worth it.
My God.
Inside, perfect.
Slight moist, crisp on the outside and that bit there.
You see all the layers here? 25 years of experience - dedans - inside.
Yeah.
And some love.
Oh my God! That is amazing.
Honestly.
Thank you for giving me a proper insight to a bit of French history.
It's my pleasure and my passion.
Delicious hand-made croissant are a world away from factory versions, but I want to put this to the test.
I am back at the Gare du Nord to conduct an unscientific, but very revealing test on some Francophiles.
Will they prefer a hand-made croissant by me or are they gonna be conned by something processed? That's the first one.
That's the first one.
We've eaten croissants for a week.
Eating croissants all week, great.
Which one out of both croissants do you prefer? Which one out of both croissants do you prefer? The flakier one.
I prefer this one.
It's got more taste.
It's got more taste.
My God, this is a whitewash.
The first one was drier.
The first one was drier.
The first one was drier.
The second one was more moist andcreamier.
Creamier, that's interesting.
The first one or the second one? The second one.
The second one.
The second one?! In terms of flavour, do you prepare the first one or the second one? In terms of flavour, do you prepare the first one or the second one? The second one.
Which one do you prefer? The first one or the second one? The second one.
The second one.
Second? Sir? The second one.
Second? Sir? Second.
Second.
Why? Why? The layers, there's more layers.
That one tastes like a proper one you might get from a decent restaurant.
Which one do you prefer, the first one or the second one? The second.
The second, why? The second, why? Tastier.
Tastier.
She's spot-on.
I'm so glad the public prefer the hand-made, buttery croissant.
Everyone should be asking their baker if theirs are handmade.
Croissants from a factory, in France, c'est du merde! Nico, how long have you been the head chef at the Bouchon? About a year and a couple of months.
And what's Craig like as a young sous-chef? Does he learn quickly? He does.
He is a good grafter.
He loves his job.
He's really fast.
Where are you from, Craig? Whereabouts? Where are you from, Craig? Whereabouts? I'm from Newcastle.
Newcastle? So you are a supporter of Newcastle? So you are a supporter of Newcastle? Yes.
Or you were until they disappeared out the Premier League? Or you were until they disappeared out the Premier League? Thanks for that, Chef.
Yes.
Last table, well done, yeah.
Two covers.
Let's go, you know where you're going.
Go, please.
The foie gras, to be honest, wasn't the most overwhelming of the tastes.
The biscuits are very strong and it stays in the mouth and the rest, not too tasty to be honest.
Paula, my darling, welcome.
How are you, sweet? Paula, my darling, welcome.
How are you, sweet? Hello.
I'm fine, thank you.
Welcome to the F Word.
How do you think Craig, your son, is doing this evening? I think he's doing amazing.
Yes.
He is a very determined, focused young man.
What would it mean for him tonight to win? It would mean everything.
Everything.
It just would mean the world to him.
You must be very proud I'm bursting with pride.
Now, why Newcastle? Why Newcastle? I was sent to Newcastle by my boss in France.
What was your first impression when you went up there? What was your first impression when you went up there? Cold! But the Geordie girls are very, very warm! What was the French Table's foie gras like? What was the French Table's foie gras like? It was good.
I really appreciated the dish, maybe a bit soggy at the bottom, because of the foie gras being on top of the brioche.
Would you steal that dish, put it on the Bouchon's menu? Would you steal that dish, put it on the Bouchon's menu? No.
More importantly, will you pay for the foie gras? More importantly, will you pay for the foie gras? We are paying for it.
You are paying for it? You are paying for it? Absolutely.
What a gentleman.
The foie gras, are you gonna pay for it? No.
No.
Why not? No.
Why not? Just.
.
It was the texture.
The texture.
Just in terms of undercooked, overcooked? Just in terms of undercooked, overcooked? It was undercooked for me.
A tough table, this one.
I thought it was perfect.
You're the customers.
Good to see, I hope you enjoy your main course.
Good to see, I hope you enjoy your main course.
Thank you.
Thank you, Gordon.
I thought the starter was very well balanced.
There was a lovely texture of the soft foie gras with the crunchiness of the bread and walnuts.
The texture was really, really nice.
Dressing was delicious and the grapes were They tasted really fresh and crunchy and full of flavour.
How are you? How are you? I'm a little bit nervous.
You look nervous.
You look nervous.
I am very nervous.
You look great but nervous at the same time.
You look great but nervous at the same time.
I am nervous.
It's funny, I look at Eric, then I feel really calm, because he looks really calm and controlled.
Where does that passion come from? He is incredibly passionate about food.
His grandmother, from the Loire Valley, always used to cook for ten children that she had.
I think from seeing that from a very early age he just took it on.
What do you think of Bouchon's foie gras? What do you think of Bouchon's foie gras? Beautifully cooked.
Melty in the mouth.
I have to say, I think it wasn't seasoned enough.
I think that let it down.
The most important question, are you gonna pay for it? The most important question, are you gonna pay for it? I said no.
You said no.
Bouchon's foie gras, pain epice, it's like a gingerbread on top.
Foie gras, it's very pink in the middle there.
The sauce, finished with apricot and some proper spinach.
Flavour, delicious.
For me, needs a bit more colour on the outside and a bit more salt.
Slightly bland.
French Table - presentation, lovely.
Really nice colour on the foie gras.
Foie gras is more cooked inside.
Really good.
Foie gras is nice and crisp on the outside.
Cooked perfectly.
Bouchon, just a little bit too pink.
But what did the diners think? The results are in.
How well do you think you did out of 25? I don't know.
I would say 14, 15.
Pessimistic.
How well do you think you did out of 25, Eric? 26! You had one.
You had one.
You had one.
Ah! Excellent.
OK, first of all, before I announce the results, congratulations to you both, yeah.
I thought you did bloody well.
Thank you, Gordon.
Thank you, Gordon.
Thank you.
So, Bouchon Bistrot, you go first.
The number of customers out of 25 that were happy to pay for their foie gras is 15 out of 25.
APPLAUSE Pretty good! Ten customers not wishing to pay, feedback? Slightly too oily.
Slightly too oily.
Slightly too oily.
And a bit undercooked.
A bit undercooked.
Right, French Table, the number of customers out of 25 that are willing to pay for your foie gras is 20 out of 25.
Well done.
Really well done.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Really well done.
Really well done indeed.
And the five customers that aren't paying, feedback? A bit too bland.
Too bland, in terms of seasoning? Both of you, well done.
Both of you, well done.
Thank you.
You're only five behind, this can change.
You'll now be cooking 50 portions of your lamb and 50 portions of your grey mullet.
Make it absolutely exceptional, you can pull this back easily.
Clear down.
Get ready for the main course.
Well done.
Next, Janet's mission to provide the meat for the competition final is getting even harder.
Come here, you bugger! And will Bouchon Bistrot be able to fight back in the next course to give themselves a chance to become the F-word's best local French restaurant? The scores are incredibly close.
There's only five, yeah? Points in front of you.
You can pull this back.
Welcome back to The F Word.
Right.
Now both restaurants are going to cook their main courses.
First up, Bouchon Bistrot.
Are you ready to order? I will have the grey mullet, please.
I will have the grey mullet, please.
Coming up.
Three mullets.
Bouchon Bistrot's signature dish is fried grey mullet with puy lentils.
First, Nico dices a carrot and onion, adds puy lentils, a bouquet garni, some veal stock, and simmers.
For the shellfish bisque, he fries off langoustine heads and shells, flambes with cognac, and adds shellfish stock.
Cooking with shellfish and fish really reminds me of my time in Brittany.
He strains the mix, adds cream and butter and leaves to reduce.
Nico fillets the mullet, scores the skin, and fries, leaving it pink in the middle.
He quarters cep mushrooms and fries in butter.
We get the ceps from a guy we call Andy Mushroom.
We don't know his name really.
Puy lentils Mushrooms Mullet Shellfish sauce.
One grey mullet on Table Two.
Bouchon's grey mullet with lentils and ceps - served.
When you cook grey mullet, would serve it a bit pink inside, or cook it all the way through? Slightly pink.
Just a little bit of moisture in there.
Because the English are somewhat squeamish with slightly pink Yes.
.
almost translucent Every now and again the fish comes back and they ask for it to be cooked through.
I love that langoustine sauce.
It needs that kind of luxuriousness with the lentils, yeah? Very good.
Service, please.
Eric, you have an English wife.
What is wrong with French ladies? They are too cocky.
They're too cocky? Oh, toosnobby.
Too posh.
I used to have a French girlfriend.
Hairy.
Hairy? Yeah.
Four plates please, Gordon.
Here is what The French Table are cooking for main course.
Come on, guys.
Ca marche! One foie gras, one lamb.
The French Table's signature dish is Pyrenean rack of lamb with aubergine tempura.
Eric first prepares the spatule, a different take on pasta popular in Alsace.
He whisks with water, eggs and creme fraiche .
.
and pipes the spatule into boiling water to blanch.
Very cold water stops the cooking straight away.
To make his puree, Eric scores an aubergine, adding oil, salt, nutmeg, herbes de Provence, then bakes.
He blends the baked flesh with a knob of butter.
We serve loads of portions every night.
Eric seals his lamb and adds garlic and rosemary.
For the gremolata, a chopped herb sauce, he mixes garlic, parsley I do not like when it is too thin as you lose too much flavour.
.
.
with lemon and olive oil.
A tiny pinch of salt, and that is it.
He deep fries aubergine in tempura batter.
Then Eric fries girolles, a chopped shallot and his spatule with butter.
He adds white wine and cream.
Aubergine puree Girolles Tempura Lamb.
It is just pink.
Beautiful.
It's not nice to ask for well done in a restaurant.
Pyrenean rack of lamb with tempura aubergine - served.
It looks fantastic.
I love the smell.
Are you using rosemary or thyme? No, rosemary, a little bit of rosemary.
A bit of Parmesan instead of the salt as a seasoning.
So the French have got a reputation for being arrogant.
Would you call yourself an arrogant Frenchman? No, I am becoming more English.
More English? As you're getting older, you're getting more mellow.
Exactly.
Now, thescores are incredibly close so far.
Only five points in front of you, so you can pull this back.
Keep it going.
I will.
Make sure all of the seasoning is exactly the same way.
Fred, aubergine nice and crisp.
Gremolata to finish on top.
Craig, taste those lentils.
Not just the first pot, everything, yes? Oui, chef.
Eric, the last table, make it as good as the first.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Eric, really well done.
Bravo, Nico.
Merci.
For me, I think the mullet was my preferred course.
The flavours in it complemented a lot better.
I loved the fish.
The sauce on the fish was lovely, really subtle.
Good to see you again.
Talk to me about the grey mullet.
When I saw the presentation, I thought the colours looked a bit bland and it looked quite flat, it didn't look .
.
inviting.
No wow factor.
No, no va-va-voom! Are you going to pay for it? No.
I had lamb - it was absolutely beautiful.
It melted in the mouth.
Every texture complimented the next.
It was a pleasure to eat.
I thought my lamb was really, really well cooked.
I like it rare - the others thought it was undercooked but I absolutely loved it.
It was really moist and tender.
How was the lamb? For me, the lamb was too salty.
Just a little bit chewy.
The big question - are you going to pay for it? No, I'm not.
My goodness me! You're one tough cookie, aren't you? Bouchon Bistrot Grey mullet.
Now, not the most widely renowned fish.
However, lentils, ceps and a really nice langoustine jus.
That's delicious.
Because he's managed to enhance the flavour of the grey mullet with that amazing, light langoustine bisque sauce.
I hardly ever use grey mullet, but the flavour of that is delicious.
More importantly, highly sustainable.
And the ceps go brilliantly well with it.
Really good.
Right, The French Table's lamb.
Beautifully cooked.
Nice and pink.
Auberginepuree, that's quite interesting.
Girolle mushrooms and a very light, fragrant lamb stock.
There's a lot of things going on on that plate, however the balance is absolutely perfect.
My one slight concern is all this raw fat here.
Two really seriously unique dishes, but I think the grey mullet just has the edge.
Right, first of all, before the results, well done.
Seriously well done.
OK, JB.
Thank you.
This time I will sit you round and start with The French Table.
The number of customers happy to pay for your rack of lamb out of 50 is 36 out of 50.
Well done.
That's good.
14 didn't pay.
Why not? It was slightly undercooked.
Seasoning? Yes, lack of flavours.
That's hard to believe.
There were lots of flavours.
The balance worked brilliantly.
Fred, what's the matter? Because I was expecting a bit more.
Do you want to go and kill a customer? No, I am not like that! I am failing to understand because we gave all our love and passion to that dish and we're a bit disappointed, but that's fine.
We have the dessert to come.
OK, Bouchon Bistrot, the number of customers happy to pay for your grey mullet, out of 50 is .
.
40 out of 50.
Well done.
To convince the diners to pay for grey mullet is bloody good news.
Well done.
Bouchon Bistrot, so far you have 55 out of 75.
French Table, you have 56 out of 75.
That's amazing.
Well done.
Great job.
OK.
It all comes down to dessert.
Clear down, get ready for your crepes.
Well done.
Good job.
Right, this week Janet finds out which came first - the chicken or the egg.
Ow! I have asked Janet Street-Porter to provide rare Mangalitsa pigs and miniature Dexter cattle to ensure we have the best possible meat for the final of our local restaurant competition.
But I still think she's still got room for one more breed I have chosen rare Eggsworth poultry because they are good egg layers and great to eat.
But before she can begin, sheneeds to ask the age-old question.
How do chickens have sex? There is a man in Yorkshire called Chris who knows the answer.
And Chris has got just the cocky cockerel for the job.
He's gone without it now for about two weeks.
All right, girls.
Are you ready? Sex God is coming.
Sex bomb, sex bomb Look at it Hot to trot.
He's having a look.
COCKEREL CROWS What is that? Is that saying he's ready? That's it.
That's saying, "Come and get me".
Can I ask you something really stupid? Do chickens have willies? No, they are all internal organs.
Not even a little? No, nothing.
.
.
bobbly bit? Well, his bum's quivering.
I don't know if that means he is aroused.
Oh no, hang on.
We're getting somewhere That's it! That's it, Janet.
What's in it for her? Nothing? I think he's getting the taste now.
He will be straight on to another one now.
He pushes her on the ground, her tail lifts up Yeah, and his sperm is literally dropping out of him onto her and she then stores it in a sack within herself and that sperm, she uses for the next two to three weeks.
You'll see by the end of the day, his back end will be covered.
It will be dripping.
Dripping with what?! Sperm.
Oh no! Too much information! Pretty vile, isn't it? It's been a week since Janet sat in on some hot chicken sex action and now she's taken delivery of a batch of fertilised eggs ready to hatch within 24 hours.
Oh, get on with it.
The first of Janet's chicks begin to hatch but its stuck in its shell.
Acting on advice, she performs an emergency egg-sarian.
I've got to give this one a bit of a helping hand.
He's got stuck.
CHEEPING I'm taking a bit of the shell off to give him a bit of a help.
All right, all right.
I've got to put it out of its misery.
I can't stand that tweeting.
There's a leg.
I have a leg out.
Stop muckin' about! That's it.
The mother and child.
New chicks need to spend around three weeks gaining strength and weight under a broody lamp before they can go free range.
So, Janet takes her new arrival in with a neighbouring farm for some heat treatment.
Looking healthier.
I tell you what, you're just like Peter Mandelson, the ultimate survivor.
I'm going to call you Mandy.
23 chicks from another batch have hatched and joined Mandy under the lamp.
With the birds settled, soaking up rays, all Janet can do is leave them to grow under the care of her neighbour, Jack.
When Janet returns to check on her chicks, she is amazed at their progress.
God, they're huge! Where's my Mandy? Where's the one I hatched? Um, well, she never grew, actually.
I came in one morning and she was Dead.
Dead as a doornail, I'm afraid, yeah.
The thing is, I have never given birth and I brought Mandy into the world and I'm pretty pissed off that Mandy couldn't shape up.
Oh, Mandy, When you kissed me You stopped me from shaking So this is what we are left with.
But these have grown so much.
I can't wait to see how big they are in four weeks.
Yes, they will certainly have grown by then.
Janet's got a healthy batch of chicks.
Eggsworth mature rapidly for the table, so our diners in the final can look forward to some fantastic chicken in the F Word restaurant.
Next on the menu, my recipe for a delicious French classic, Crepes Suzette.
It smells amazing.
Beautiful.
And the pressure builds, as the brigades battle it out for a place on the leader board and a chance to go through to the next round.
Why have you clammed up and gone into one? I thought you would rise to the pressure! Welcome back to the F-word.
Now it's time for dessert.
Crepes suzette, basically pancakes.
A real old-school classic.
First off, you make your batter.
125 grams of flour.
Salt.
Two eggs.
Beat, make a well in the flour.
Combine.
Slowly add 300 mil of milk.
Add melted butter.
Whisk.
Orange zest.
Set aside to rest.
Sauce Oranges - peel and segment.
Keep juice.
Heat 50 grams of sugar.
Look at that caramel - really nice and dark.
Grand Marnier Add the orange juice.
Remove from heat.
Coat oranges.
Crepes Butter.
Flip and cook the other side.
Fold into quarters.
It smells amazing.
Spoon over orange sauce.
Crepes suzette - done.
Let's go.
Every crepe perfect, yes? Watch your face.
Fred, no wonder you've got no fucking hair left.
Nico, you've got five pans at the same time, Eric, you've only got four going at the same time.
Is that the difference between Brittany and Paris? Brittany are the experts on pancakes.
'The French table were beaten in the main course by Bouchon Bistrot.
'They seem less confident now, 'maybe because they're just one point in the lead.
'It's neck and neck.
' For The French Table, winning could catapult this exciting suburban restaurant into the London superleague.
Just to win, there's no English word for that.
There's no English word, so I'll have to find a French word - fantastique.
For Bouchon Bistrot, success tonight could really put this rural, northern restaurant on the culinary map.
If Bouchon were to win, it would be just amazing.
I think it'll really boost our confidence.
'The pressure is on.
' You've just burnt your eyebrows.
If you go crazy with the sauce, you're going to flood the pancake and make it soggy, yeah? They look delicious, well done.
Service, please.
Nico is a great tosser of pancakes.
You're folding yours with a palette knife.
Why are you not tossing? You're folding yours with a palette knife.
Why are you not tossing? I'm concentrating.
It's an important toss.
Are you gonna flip it or use a spatula? I think you've got the balls to flip it.
Go on.
Well done.
Well done.
A big pair of Newcastle bollocks.
Whay-aye, man.
Watch it Don't worry, I've got another one.
This is fascinating - they're pretty much neck-and-neck.
However, Nico's got the edge because he's calm, collected, and those pancakes are absolutely delicious.
Eric has sunk into one.
Slightly disappeared.
All that swagger's gone and is less arrogant and more focused.
This is neck-and-neck, yeah.
Those crepes are sat there.
Sauce coming? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah? You don't serve as much sauce as Nico.
Why is that? You just want it less? I think it'll be too soggy otherwise.
I like my pancakes not too soggy.
I get nervous when you're this quiet.
Why have you clammed up? Why have you gone into one? Are you sulking? It's a bit thick.
Well, let it down, no? Yes.
Do you need some more milk? Do you need some more milk? Yes.
(SPEAKS FRENCH) I told you to say something.
I feel like I'm cooking with a completely different chef.
Starter, main course - confident, bien.
Now you've gone into one.
What's the matter? Now you've gone into one.
What's the matter? Nothing, it's OK.
Come on, keep it going.
I thought you would rise to the pressure, not sink.
Go.
Excellent.
Delicious-looking crepes and job well done.
It was absolutely delicious.
Really nice and moist and went really well with the tang of the orange.
It was fantastic.
Do you have a bit of a sweet tooth? Do you have a bit of a sweet tooth? Yeah, actually.
How were the crepes suzette? Fantastic.
Fantastic.
What did you like most about them? They were just so light and the sauce was absolutely fantastic.
It wasn't too bitter, it wasn't too sweet.
Are you going to be paying for your pancake? Are you going to be paying for your pancake? I am.
You are? You are? Yes.
Good, I'm glad to hear it.
You've closed your restaurant to be here tonight.
You've closed your restaurant to be here tonight.
Absolutely, yes.
If you don't win, will you regret closing the restaurant? Not at all.
It's been a fantastic experience, we loved it.
No regrets.
Our customers are supporting us all the way.
Fingers crossed - it's going to be tight, this one.
More importantly, whatever happens, you should be incredibly proud.
Absolutely.
And you should beincredibly proud.
And you should beincredibly proud.
Definitely.
Thank you very much.
If we win, you'll be able to hear her from Newcastle.
I'm not kidding you.
She'll be like an atomic bomb going off.
'I thought my dessert was OK, to be honest.
' The crepes were well cooked.
They had good flavour.
But it lacked a bit of sauce.
The fruit could have done with a bit more.
The flavour wasn't as strong as it could've been.
I love the crepe.
Absolutely.
Just really soft.
Crispy on the outside as well.
Just perfect.
Not overcooked, not stodgy.
Light, fluffy.
Went down really nice.
Dessert.
Yes.
It was a little bit too thick.
There wasn't enough sauce.
I was waiting for a bit more of a punch.
They were cooked by your husband.
I'm sure they were.
I'm sure they were.
Damn! So it's really nerve-racking now.
So it's really nerve-racking now.
Are you going to pay for them? So it's really nerve-racking now.
Are you going to pay for them? No.
You're not paying for your husbands crepes? You're not paying for your husbands crepes? No, not today.
That's very fair-minded.
Yeah.
How is it going to be in the back of the taxi on the way home tonight? Not very good, I shouldn't think.
Not very good, I shouldn't think.
One in the front, one in the back? Yeah, I think so.
One in the spare room! One on the roof! Yes! So the results are in, and it's time to find out exactly who will be crowned The F Word's best local French restaurant.
Good luck to you both, yes.
JB, OK.
French Table, going to go first with you, yes? And for your dessert, out of 25 you got .
.
9 out of 25.
Oh.
That is a big kick in the bollocks.
Why? OK, the main reason is the crepe was too thick.
Lack of the sauce as well - no sauce on the plate.
You adjusted the thickness almost halfway through.
Did you know they were going out that thick? Did you know they were going out that thick? It was thicker than I wanted, yes.
But not thick, no.
And they were that thick that your wife didn't pay for them.
OK, Bouchon, if you get 10 out of 25, you tie and then I'll decide who wins.
If you get more than 10, then you are the F Word's best local French restaurant.
Cool.
OK.
Out of 25 customers, the amount that were happy to pay for your crepes suzette is .
.
is 17.
Well done.
Well done.
Well done.
Really well done.
Oh, God.
Two fantastic courses.
Absolutely fantastic courses.
Lamb, superb.
Foie gras, excellent.
Really, really, really good.
OK, Bouchon, congratulations, you're now third on the leaderboard.
I hope to see you in the semi-final.
Congratulations.
Now all of you, go out and get a glass of champagne.
Well done.
Well done, well done.
I can't speak, honest to God.
I'm just so proud.
Really, really proud.
To win this is phenomenal.
I really can't believe it.
It's just amazing.
Great.
It's, you know, the biggest moment of my life.
So Bouchon Bistrot have made it onto the leaderboard in third position.
But with six weeks to go, will they hold on to their place in the semi-final? Next week, I'll be searching for the F Word's best local Chinese restaurant.
What an amazing little find.
Is your favourite in the running? I go searching for an amazing Chinese delicacy.
Look at the size of them, my God.
And my new confidence coach gives me some surprising advice.
How do I get rid of those? Shall I have Botox? If I had a lot of wrinkles like you, I'd be single.
Nobody want me any more.
If you'd like to cook tonight's recipes or find out more about all the nominated restaurants, visit the F-word website.
Good night.