The F Word (2017) s05e05 Episode Script

Season 5, Episode 5

This program contains strong language.
I'm searching the country to find our best local restaurants.
Britain's independent restaurants serve fantastic food in the heart of our communities.
Each week, I'm choosing two unsung culinary heroes to compete in The F Word kitchen.
Guys, make this count.
There's only four points in this.
So far, Salvo's from Leeds has been crowned The F Word's best local Italian restaurant.
Come on! Bouchon Bistro from Hexham snatched victory from their French rivals.
Well done.
Really, well done.
Lasan from Birmingham were delighted with the Indian trophy.
I mean, I was just shaking inside.
It's just Chinese Sweet Mandarin from Manchester swept to the top of the leader board.
I'm bringing this home to Manchester! Tonight is all about Thai, a cuisine that's become incredibly popular in the UK.
Simply Thai from Middlesex take on Yum Yum from North London to fight for the Thai Trophy.
Scary Spice is in the The F Word kitchen.
Get out, while the food is hot.
We only serve the I don't want my food to get cold.
I'm going now.
Now! Now! And in the recipe challenge, let's hope Rory Bremner's trifle is better than his impression of me.
We've got everything.
Restaurants, yes.
Cameramen, yes.
Chef, yes.
Celebrities, yes.
Ingredients, yes.
Let's fucking do it.
I cook for some very special diners.
How is it? Hm? But will I make the grade? This is not Pad Thai at all.
This is not Pad Thai? No.
BABYBIRD: The F-Word Hello.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Great to have you guys here in my kitchen.
Now, the secret success behind Simply Thai is what? Heart and soul.
Love and care.
Now, Yum Yum.
Yum Yum.
Who came up with that name? Me! You? Good.
Good, good.
You are my two top Thai restaurants.
Make this the best service of your entire lives.
Yes, Chef.
Tonight, Simply Thai from Teddington and Yum Yum from North London are competing in The F Word kitchen.
This is how they got here.
Earlier this year, I asked you to log on to The F Word website and nominate your favourite local restaurants.
The response has been absolutely phenomenal.
You told us about nearly 5,000 different places you love to eat.
40 years ago, there was only one Thai restaurant in Britain.
Now there's one in nearly every town.
We're a nation of Thai food fanatics.
With the help of my team, I set out to whittle down your nominations.
So, you really rate the food? Oh, right.
We were looking for the very best.
It just gives you a very warm, nice, comfortable feeling that you are in a proper Thai restaurant.
We're traveling across the country, really putting these nominated restaurants under severe scrutiny.
We went to the Thai restaurants you really care about.
And, after months of searching, it was clear that two of your Thai favorites were exceptional.
First up, Simply Thai in Teddington.
With just 10 tables, it's a tiny restaurant run by a tiny chef.
But Patria Weerapan has a hugely passionate temperament.
Table three, please.
Table three! OI! Table three! 'I've just got a normal chef temperament.
' I'm possibly like Gordon in the kitchen, fiery tempered.
Patria works ferociously hard seven days a week, sleeping just five hours a night.
Plate now! Lala! She makes every dish almost single-handedly and each one has to be absolutely flawless.
Where is the prawn?! Where!? Wipe the plate, please.
Wipe the plate.
If you are a perfectionist you're not going to let anything go with even tiny, tiny faults.
Patria has dedicated her life to creating perfect Thai cuisine.
She left her family in Bangkok 37 years ago and she's never married or had children.
All my time is here in the restaurant.
The restaurant, to me, is my home, is my family.
I was fascinated to finally meet this culinary firecracker.
How are you? Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Good to see you.
Nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Tell me about the secret of your success? I cook very good food, traditional Thai food.
And I cook with my love, my care, my passion, everything.
My heart, I put into every single dish.
Absolutely amazing.
57 years of age, on her own, and cooks every day.
Sleeps five hours a night.
If that's not passion, I don't know what is.
Open-plan kitchen.
Sees the dining room, overseas the kitchen.
Everything's just about food, food, food.
'First up for me, king prawn special.
' Wow.
'And I also had to try Patria's crispy sea bass with jungle curry.
' Those eyes scare me.
Honestly! I feel like I've met the female Gordon Ramsey from Bangkok.
It's incredibly crispy.
I mean, really crispy.
Hot, spicy and everything you want from Thai food.
This lady shoots from the hip.
It's not a traditional Thai restaurant.
She's pushed the boundaries out.
It's not a selection of curries.
The menu's authentic, but she hones in on the ingredients.
I want the best and I give the best.
32 seats, yeah, is one thing.
What I need you to do is to start cooking for 50 because you're through.
I need you to work at cooking for 50, not 32.
OK? Congratulations.
Well done.
Really well done.
That food was delicious, really delicious.
And if you cook that crispy sea bass with your jungle green curry, amazing, really good.
Simply Thai? No, that's accomplished Thai cooking.
Yeah, a real thoroughbred.
My God, that woman's passionate.
She sacrificed her life for that restaurant.
It's really a dream come true.
I wouldn't even want to win a jackpot, I wouldn't be excited, because it's my achievement, my hard work.
If you've got strong determination you will achieve what you want.
So, Simply Thai is through.
And from your nominations we found an opponent who couldn't be more different.
Yum Yum is on the high street in Stoke Newington, North London.
And you, The F Word viewers, loved it.
Yum Yum is run by Atique and Moy Choudhury.
This dedicated couple have worked for 17 years to build one of Britain's biggest Thai restaurants.
In contrast to Simply That's ten tables, Yum Yum has nearly 90.
We are very proud, myself, my husband and all my team.
Moy is the head chef.
This is the lemon grass, one stem of it.
When Yum Yum opened, she only had two people in the kitchen.
Now, she has an army of staff, 14 waiters and 16 chefs catering for up to 500 customers every night.
Always full of people.
Great atmosphere.
The customers say, it's brilliant, as usual, all the time.
That makes me very proud.
Moy is a talented cook who's also built up an amazing business.
I can't wait to taste her Thai cuisine.
Good to see you.
Your first name is? Atique.
Look at the size of his place.
It's huge.
Where's Moy? I can hear you.
What's your signature dish? Massaman lamb curry.
Your lamb curry? Yes.
Who's the boss? I am the boss, I'm the chef, I'm everything in here.
Good, I like to hear that.
Direct everybody, yes.
I'll get out of your way.
'First up for me, Yum Yum's most popular starter, the fish cakes.
'The presentation is beautiful.
' We eat with our eyes before tasting.
There is no secret ingredient.
It's just my passion.
That's why our restaurant is packed every night.
'For my main course, lamb and peanut butter curry.
' The lamb's just falling off the bone.
So you've got the effect of the bone marrow, the flavour is ten times greater.
It's cooked so slow.
When that lamb dish arrived, with those potatoes and the lamb cooked on the bone, it was definitely there, without a doubt.
Authentic Thai cooking.
If we win the competition, it would make the very proud.
This country's been in love with Thai food for many years.
I'm really sorry, you're going to have to take a night off next week.
Congratulations, you are through.
Well done.
Thank you.
Forget big numbers, that's nothing to do with it.
Just hone in on 50 stunning portions of your main course.
Just cook from the heart.
That's important.
Very important, cook from the heart.
I feel very, very excited and I will do my best on the day.
Moy, I mean, she's amazing.
There's a level of passion there from her and you can taste it through the food.
So, from your nominations I've chosen two extraordinary Thai restaurants.
Will The F Word diners prefer Patria's obsessive attention to detail? Or will they be seduced by the sophistication of mighty Yum Yum? Who will be crowned the F Word's Queen of Thai cuisine? Next on the menu: As the Thai teams go head-to-head in the kitchen, have I finally met my match? Too big! What did she just say? She's angry.
She's angry.
Don't make her angry.
Otherwise we're all screwed.
And cooking Thai food for Buddhist monks brings me to my knees.
His bowl is nearly empty! We're back in London at the F Word restaurant.
Tonight, a cuisine that has exploded in popularity in the UK - Thai.
With its irresistible combination of fresh flavours, exquisite presentation and healthy ingredients, it's no wonder that Thai food has become a hit with the nation's food lovers.
And thanks to your nominations and months of searching, we've found the F Word's best two local Thai restaurants.
Yum Yum in north London.
And Simply Thai food in Teddington.
25 portions of each.
It's not a race.
25 portions of each.
It's not a race.
BOTH: Yes, chef! Right, on order.
Four covers, Table 1.
Yum Yum.
Two prawn fishcakes.
Two prawn fishcakes.
BOTH: Yes, chef! Simply Thai, six cod fishcakes.
Yes, chef! Patria! Patria! Yes, chef! Thank you darling.
You scared me then! Hidden away in the London suburb of Teddington, there's a Thai restaurant so authentic, it wouldn't be out of place in amongst the back streets of Bangkok.
Table seven! The restaurant's success is a testament to the die-hard dedication of 57-year-old kitchen dynamo Patria.
I'm always got very high ambition.
I want to get the top of everything I do.
Simply Thai may only have 10 tables, but every single dish is cooked or finished by Patria.
Don't do anything! You understand? Her fiery temperament and obsessive quality control are remarkable.
I never, never take a shortcut.
Doesn't matter how busy the restaurant.
If things go smoothly, I get bored.
For Simply That's fishcakes, Patria uses only the finest, freshest cod fillet.
They're served with ajard, a traditional Thai cucumber salad.
What's in here? Pardon? Pardon? What's in here? It's cucumber, shallots, chilli and this syrup.
It is sugar vinegar.
And why does sweet and sour work so well in Thai cooking? What's the secret behind that? What's the secret behind that? The Thai knows how to use the sugar.
Because English cooking, you don't have sugar in your roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.
Definitely not, no.
You think these are better than Moy's or Moy's are better than yours? Or Moy's are better than yours? Yes, of course.
Mine are going to be the best.
Right, Moy, where did this recipe come from? From my mum.
How long has it been on the menu at Yum Yum? 17 years.
17 years.
Really? How many portions a week do you sell? 500 pieces.
It's that popular.
It's that popular.
Very popular.
Moy and her husband, Atique, have spent 17 years building up their glamorous north London restaurant.
A restaurant of this nature needs people who appreciate the quality of what we create.
Yum Yum has had to open up a series of new dining areas to make more room for the ever-growing number of customers.
I feel like I'm in Thailand.
That's probably the easiest way I can explain it.
Yum Yum has 36 staff and can handle up to 500 covers a night.
The success of this restaurant is built on fantastic service and a delicious dining experience, which keep their customers coming back again and again.
They'll ask me, "Are you expanding the restaurant?" I say, "No.
I want only one Thai restaurant to be the best.
" That's what I want.
Moy makes her fishcakes using grey feather back, a fish that's highly prized in Thailand and will give Moy's dish a truly authentic Thai flavour.
Would you ever cook these fishcakes in a pan, as opposed to deep-frying? Always deep-fry.
We used to try in the oven.
Quite nice.
But too dry? But too dry? Too dry, yes.
The last table of two.
Make these two as exciting as the first two.
Coming, chef! Go, go, go, chef! Complete the table first and I'll send them all.
Just in case.
Get it out while the food is still hot.
I don't want my food to get cold.
Yes, I'm going now.
Happy with them? Yes, I'm going now.
Happy with them? Yes.
Table six, please.
Let's go.
Moy, Simply Thai have only got 30 covers in the dining room, so they this should be a walk in the park for you, to beat Simply Thai tonight.
To beat Simply Thai tonight.
I'll be very ashamed of myself.
Service, please.
Table 14.
Some people say food is the new religion.
They may have a point.
Britain is home to almost 30,000 Thai people.
In the heart of south-west London is Europe's only purpose-built Thai temple, where I'll be serving up a very special meal.
I love Thai food.
I love cooking it and I love eating it.
But this has to be the most daunting task so far.
This small and revered group of Buddhist monks live in the monastery attached to the temple.
They spend most of their waking hours meditating and studying.
Buddhist teachings forbid them to cook.
So it's up to the local Thai community to offer the one meal the monks are allowed to eat at 11 o'clock each day.
Helping me fulfill this honor and privilege is Chang.
Executive chef of the Blue Elephant, one of London's top Thai restaurants.
Chang, good morning.
How are you? Good morning.
How are you? Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Thank you for coming to the Blue Elephant.
Little bit tight in here! Little bit tight in here! This is the Thai kitchen, no? Where have you gone, Chang? Morning, everybody! I'm here! I'm here! Pressure's on.
So they've got to eat before 11 o'clock.
Are they fussy eaters? Are they fussy eaters? No.
They are very nice, very kind.
Do they ever send food back? Do they ever send food back? No.
'The restaurant prepares the very best dishes to offer 'to the monastery, and every dish has to be perfect.
'Like these savory dumplings, known as money-bags.
' So that's a money-bag? And that's it? Yes.
So easy and simple.
Maybe you can try? 'These dumplings are usually served as a starter.
'Pork and crab meat are wrapped in a delicate bean curd pastry.
'And the tops are tied with thin strips of spring onion.
' Now the shoelace.
Now the shoelace.
That's the next step.
Nice and tight.
How do you call the money-bag in your language? Tong tong.
Tong tong.
Tong tong.
Tong tong.
Chang's authentic money-bags are delicious.
But I want to show him my take on a classic.
Thailand's national dish - pad Thai.
A quick pad Thai.
I fry shallots, garlic and chilli with salt and a little bit of sugar.
Color on the shallots.
Half the spring onions.
'This is a dish I love cooking at home.
'I'm using delicious king prawns 'and adding some extras like chilli and tamarind paste.
' I'm so excited I'm going to be cooking for the monks today.
I've never cooked for monks before.
I've never cooked for monks before.
Me too, you know.
Those prawns smell amazing.
'My pad Thai is made sweet and sour with fish sauce, salt and sugar.
' Turn up the gas.
I then add tamarind paste.
'A beaten egg is cooked in the wok and then added with the noodles 'and beansprouts to the sauce.
' I hope they're going to be happy with this.
I hope they're going to be happy with this.
I think the monks will be happy.
'Prawns and fresh coriander finish the pad Thai.
'But what will Chang think 'of my quick and easy version of this classic?' And then some peanuts around the outside.
Happy? But I have to taste.
But I have to taste.
I'd like you to.
Before you go and call that pad Thai, I have to taste this first.
What do you want to know from me? Ask me.
What do you want to know from me? Ask me.
How is it? Hmm? Oh, no.
Look at that face.
This is not pad Thai at all.
This is not pad Thai? This is not pad Thai? No.
It has to be sweet and sour and salty.
I think that doesn't taste too bad.
It's not perfect.
For you, but not for me.
You're a tough cookie.
I'm going to keep an eye on the monks and see how it goes down.
I'm going to keep an eye on the monks and see how it goes down.
Traditionalist Chang isn't impressed, but more crucially, what will the monks think? The food being offered today is brought to the monastery to serve to the monks bang on 11 o'clock.
Good morning.
Sawatdi torn chao.
Good morning.
Sawatdi torn chao.
'Tam is a regular worshiper at the temple, where respect and etiquette 'are crucial.
' Shoes off.
Yeah, of course.
My pad Thai is separated into dishes and joins the small portions of everyone's food.
Every day, all this food comes in.
In this wonderful palace.
So, this is one tray.
Each tray is for each monk? For each monk.
For each monk.
Look at all that food! Mr Chang doesn't like my pad Thai.
It doesn't taste very good, apparently.
I can see from the colour, it looks nice.
I can see from the colour, it looks nice.
Yeah, exactly.
'The monks pray and chant before eating.
'This is a far cry from a service at Claridges.
' This is incredible.
Absolutely fascinating.
People are donating money in envelopes.
'Now it's my turn.
'But it's hard to tell what they make of it.
'Because if you offer food, you're forbidden to talk 'to the monks while they're eating.
' Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Bon appetit.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
I knew it was going to be, you know, respectful and brilliantly done, but it's very serious.
But it's very serious.
Very serious.
Is it always like this? Is it always like this? Always.
To find out how well the pad Thai went down, I spy on the monks to see if they're enjoying it.
The bowl is nearly empty! Mr Chang, how can you say my Pad Thai is shit? Look! Mr Chang, how can you say my Pad Thai is shit? Look! For me.
For me?! But maybe the monk like that taste.
Look at that! It's the most eaten bowl.
'My pad Thai seemed to go down well, but I couldn't resist 'breaking the protocol by asking the monks about the food.
' One very simple question.
Did you enjoy the pad Thai? Yes.
'This experience takes respect for food 'to a completely different level.
'It's humbling and a fascinating insight 'into Thai Buddhist tradition.
' That was an amazing experience, and it was so nice to see such traditional Thai culture here in the middle of Wimbledon.
As for being a monk and eating my last meal at 11am, nah.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Last table.
Moy, table of two, please.
Yes? Thank you.
Well done.
Well done.
Is it finished? That's it.
Fishcakes were amazing.
The sauce, like a sweet satay sauce, complemented it really well.
Fishcakes were a little bit rubbery, but the flavours and the ingredients that went into them were really good.
Welcome to the F Word.
Really good to see you.
Atique, how are you? Absolutely fine.
Absolutely fine.
Nervous? Yeah.
Very nervous.
How do you think your dear lady's doing in there? You know, she is the kind of person that would hit it right at the spot.
So, I'm very confident.
So she can handle pressure brilliantly? So she can handle pressure brilliantly? Absolutely.
And what would it mean for you to leave here this evening with victory? For our area, Stoke Newington, it's very important for us to win.
I loved the presentation.
All laid out beautifully.
Beautiful dressing.
Not your usual sweet chilli sauce dumped on the edge of the plate.
It was too much spice in the cod cakes, and in the end I wasn't able to recognise what else was in there.
Welcome to the F Word.
Really nice to see you.
Welcome to the F Word.
Really nice to see you.
Oh! Nice to see you.
You work with Patria a lot? You work with Patria a lot? Yes.
Does she shout in front of the customers? Sometimes, she just "Get out from the restaurant! "This is my restaurant.
" If some customer is a bit rude or complain to her She throws them out? She throws them out? Yes.
What would it mean for her tonight to leave the F Word restaurant as a winner? She hope a lot she would get the winner.
I think.
Now, Yum Yum's are made with the grey feather back and prawns.
Basically, a Thai freshwater fish.
It's rather spongy.
Feel that little texture of a sort of sponge when you press it with a fork.
And Simply Thai, again, quite an interesting dressing.
Love the color.
Texture-wise Mmm.
That's delicious.
It's less spongy and more robust.
Both very delicious.
Going to be a tough one to call.
If it was me, I'd have to go for Simply Thai.
While the rest of the diners enjoy Yum Yum and Simply That's fishcakes, here's my take on this classic Thai dish.
Thai fishcakes.
Fragrant, delicate and packed full of flavour.
First off, start prepping the fish.
Fillet of coley.
Red curry paste.
Fish sauce.
Kaffir lime leaf.
Lid on.
French beans.
Just flatten it down a little bit.
Cucumber relish.
Chopped cucumber.
Lime dressing.
And mint.
Hot pan.
Vegetable oil.
They smell delicious.
Thai fishcakes with cucumber relish.
'So, all the diners are finished their starters, 'and the results are in.
' Now, they are tough customers out there.
How well do you think you did? I'm happy.
Very, very happy.
Out of 25 customers, how many do you think are happy to pay for that? All.
All? Wow! I love that! Moy, how many do you think out of 25? 25 out of 25.
What's with the confidence between you guys? It's amazing.
OK, let's find out the results.
Thank you.
Let's start off with Simply Thai.
The amount of customers that are happy to pay for your delicious fishcakes out of 25 is .
21 out of 25.
That's amazing.
That is amazing.
Patria, that's very good.
What didn't they like, the four guests? Slightly overcooked.
Slightly overcooked.
Slightly overcooked.
Couldn't taste as well the fish.
OK, don't show those four customers to Patria she'll kick them out.
Very good start.
Are you happy? Thank you.
Thank you.
Are you happy? Thank you.
Are you happy? Very happy! Good.
I'm glad.
So you should be.
Now Moy My heart is pounding! OK, let's see.
The number of customers out of 25 willing to pay for Yum Yum's fishcakes is .
22 out of 25.
Well done! Well done! That is incredible.
Really well done.
22 out of 25.
Both fantastic scores.
Yum Yum, you're now one point in the lead.
Yum Yum, you're now one point in the lead.
Thank you.
Clear down and get ready for the main course, as it could all change on this main course.
Well done.
Next on the menu, with Yum Yum and Simply Thai virtually neck and neck, could this be the closest contest yet? Good luck.
There's only one point in it.
Good luck.
There's only one point in it.
ALL: Yes, chef! Thank you, ladies.
king hell! And Rory Bremner takes me on in the recipe challenge.
And he's brought David Blunkett for back-up.
Don't pat the dog.
He'll have your fucking head off! Now 50 portions each, you can do this.
Good luck, there's only one point in it.
Yes? Good luck, there's only one point in it.
Yes? Yes.
OK, let's go, right.
Simply Thai, four pork curry.
Four pork curry, yeah.
Four pork curry, yeah.
Thank you.
Yum Yum, four chicken curry.
No one's answering me.
(ALL) Yes, chef! Thank you, ladies.
Now, both restaurants are cooking the main course.
First up, it's Simply Thai.
Patria Weerapan is an incredible driving force behind Simply Thai in Teddington.
Absolutely love her food.
I've been coming since I was about 10, I think.
Lots of the people here are very faithful regulars.
Patria's amazing work ethic is matched only by her passion for the food she serves.
Every dish that's on the menu is my favourite.
One Sweet Spicy Pork, please.
Simply That's signature dish tonight is Spicy Sweet Pork.
To make a paste, she finally cuts lemongrass, chops galangal Similar to ginger, but it's much more subtle.
Peels and slices the skin of a Thai lime.
Coriander root.
And Thai shallots.
The smell, the aroma is much stronger than the continental shallot.
Next, she adds red chilli, black pepper and crispy pork fat and grinds to a fine paste in a pestle and mortar.
I learned to make this recipe with my aunt when I was very little, must be about 13 or 14 years old.
I had to sit on the floor and my hand, at that time was so small, and this is big, and it's really hard work for a little girl.
She fries the pork loin and puts aside.
In a saucepan, she fries off the paste, adds coconut cream and the fried pork loin.
Next, she adds steam pork belly, palm sugar, white sugar, some fish sauce and chopped fine green beans.
She serves with deep-fried salted duck egg and a salad with sweet Thai dressing.
Service, please.
Spicy Sweet Pork - served.
Now, tell me about the recipe, what's so good about it? It's quite a complex recipe.
Very, very complex and hard work.
It took me six hours last night just to make the curry paste.
Because we have to use a pestle and mortar.
I got a neighbour came round knocking on the door.
A neighbour knocked at the door? Yes, said, "Why are you banging?" I've never heard it before, are you dancing or something? Was that in the middle of the night? Was that in the middle of the night? No, 10pm.
Was that in the middle of the night? No, 10pm.
10 in the evening.
In the evening.
Did you throw him out? Did you throw him out? Yes, I did.
Now, Moy, you're one point in the lead, are you feeling confident? Yes, Chef.
Head chef, Moy, has been serving up a flavour of Thailand to Yum Yum in north London for almost 20 years.
I've been to Thailand a few times, and it's most probably the nearest I would get to it.
Absolutely fantastic.
From starters right through to dessert, absolutely amazing.
Food has always been a huge part of Moy's life, and she was trained to cook the traditional Thai way.
In Thailand, yeah, Thai girl, in a family, must go to the kitchen and learn how to cook.
Yum Yum's signature dish tonight is Red Chicken Curry with Plantain.
Moy starts by peeling and slicing green plantain.
She peels a green papaya and slices it.
In Thailand, we have this in our backyard.
So, we grow up with this, and it's easy to get, and we don't have to buy it.
Next for the red curry paste, she cuts lemongrass finely.
Chops galangal, the rind of a Thai lime, a coriander stem and crushes garlic.
Oh! It's going away! (LAUGHS) Then she adds deseeded red chillies and blends.
She fries the red curry paste in a hot wok for 10 minutes.
She adds coconut cream, fish sauce, sugar, chopped chicken, the plantain and papaya.
She then cooks it for five minutes.
Finally, Moy adds red and green chillies and Thai sweet basil.
(SHOUTS FOR SERVICE IN THAI) Red Chicken Curry with Plantain - served.
Moy, you're currently in the lead.
What would it mean for you to win tonight? What would it mean for you to win tonight? Very happy.
Very happy? Yes.
What would it do for the restaurant? What would it do for the restaurant? Party.
A party.
if we win.
(LAUGHS) You'll have a party! What other Thai restaurants do you think are good in London? What other Thai restaurants do you think are good in London? I don't know.
Only Yum Yum.
Wow, wow, wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
What makes yours stand apart? I'm quite confident that my food is good.
Yes, chef.
Yes, chef.
Have you ever been to Nahm, the Michelin-starred Thai restaurant? What? Nahm? I've been several times.
Did you enjoy it? Did you enjoy it? Yes, I did.
Did you enjoy it? Yes, I did.
Fantastic food.
Moy, have you ever been to Nahm? Moy, have you ever been to Nahm? No, I haven't been.
Moy, have you ever been to Nahm? No, I haven't been.
No, never heard of it? I heard of it.
I heard of it.
Think you'll be the second Thai restaurant to get a Michelin star? Yes.
We will be.
We will be.
Soon? Soon.
I like that.
I like that.
Yes, chef? What does your husband think about your food? What does your husband think about your food? I haven't got one, and I don't need one! I'm capable of looking after myself.
I'm sure you are, but would you like me to introduce you to a nice young French boy? I'm sure you are, but would you like me to introduce you to a nice young French boy? No, thank you.
No? No, thank you.
Sorry, JB, she said no, she wants someone a bit younger! Too big! This Honestly! She's getting stroppy now.
What's the matter? What did she just say? What did she just say? She's angry.
What? She's angry.
What? She's angry.
She's angry.
Don't make her angry, otherwise, we're all screwed.
Are you demanding with men as much as you are in your kitchen? No compromise.
No compromise.
No compromise.
Service, please.
Patria? Yes, chef.
Seriously, when was your last day off? Last Easter Sunday.
Last Easter Sunday?! Oh, my God! You don't take Sunday and Monday off as your days off? You don't take Sunday and Monday off as your days off? No.
Can't afford it.
You are an Iron Lady, aren't you? You are an Iron Lady, aren't you? Determined.
Is it all done now? Is it all done now? Bloody good job.
Thank you.
Spicy Sweet Pork - done! Spicy Sweet Pork - done! That's a good line, I like that! The chicken was very well cooked.
It was well presented because the rice was out of the bowl, which was a lot more easy to consume.
It had the classic Thai taste to it, but the only thing that didn't work for me, was the plantain.
It was a little bit hard, a little bit bland.
The pork was cooked very well.
Very tender.
Nicely, thinly sliced.
The actual curry itself was quite greasy and a lot of the meat was quite fatty.
And I found the rice to be a bit cold, so I was a bit unhappy with this course.
Right, Simply That's pork curry.
Very authentic, pork cooked twice, slow roasted and then a loin of pork sauteed.
Flavour is amazing.
Texture, delicious, not too hot, but a real nice depth of flavour.
This is a very authentic pork curry.
Absolutely phenomenal.
Yum Yum's, that's the kind of colour you'd expect in a chicken curry.
Such a difference.
A huge contrast.
Simply Thai tastes and looks authentic.
Yum Yum comes across mainstream and not that exciting.
I'd imagine that the diners would prefer the authenticity of Simply Thai.
'With only one point between the teams, it couldn't be tighter.
' OK, let's find out the results.
John Baptiste, please.
OK, let's go, Simply Thai first, yeah? So, bearing in mind they are a tough, tough bunch of diners this evening, the number of customers that are happy to pay out of 50is Wow! 39 out of 50, well done! 39?! That's really good.
Really good indeed.
That's a great score - 39.
JB, feedback.
JB, feedback.
They found the meat a bit too fatty.
They found the meat a little bit too fatty.
Would you like to throw out the 11 people that aren't going to pay for it? No.
That's OK, because they've still got Still dessert to go.
Still dessert to go.
Pudding, yeah.
Well done, 39 out of 50, really good.
OK, Yum Yum, the number of diners that are happy to pay for your chicken curry, yeah? Is Wow.
APPLAUSE That's a bit of a shock.
OK, JB? The main problem was too spicy.
The main problem was too spicy.
Too spicy? The portions, as well, not balanced.
Some were big, some were smaller.
Moy, it's not over yet.
Moy, it's not over yet.
Yes, chef.
You can pull this back.
Clear down and let's go for the dessert.
Damn, that was a shock.
Now, time for the Recipe Challenge.
Now, time for the Recipe Challenge.
Everything here, restaurant, yes.
Cameramen, yes.
Chef, yes.
Celebrities, yes.
Ingredients, yes! Let's fucking do it! It's good to see you.
Oh, we don't need this.
Now, what are you cooking? Now, what are you cooking? I'm going to do a trifle.
It's so simple to do, because, I can see you faffing around with eggs and vanilla pods and all that sort of stuff.
This is just sponge fingers, lemon curd and liqueur, and you're off.
You're making trifle.
I'm making my version.
Shouldn't you be doing the custard first? Or are you doing the sponge first? No, doing the sponge That's a good point.
It would be quicker, probably, if I did the cream first.
How does this work? Hang on.
Whoa! (SINGS) Normally, if you're doing it for six people you'd need half a liter of double cream.
Just over 100 grams, 120 grams of caster sugar.
That's quite a lot of sugar.
It is something that you remember from your childhood? Yeah, a Scottish childhood.
Like yours.
It was about getting as much cholesterol as you could into your kids, until they died.
It was massive.
It was meat pies, haggis, it was cream.
So, Rory is doing his version of his trifle, I'm doing exactly the same.
We're using panettone.
First, going to make a very nice, delicious custard.
The fun part - the Cointreau.
Sprinkle a bit over there.
If I was doing Keith Floyd, a little bit over there and quite a lot in here.
(AS FLOYD) There we go.
Ooh, God, fuck me, that's got a kick! Right, pretty good, that's all wonderful, don't forget, Keith Floyd, sadly missed, he was the man who invented all that thing that Gordon is so good at, which is of course, swearing on TV.
(AS GORDON) OK, how are we doing? Where's the cream, going round and round and round.
This is the thing, your voice is hard to do, because you've lost the Scottish accent.
It's that difficult to do? It's that difficult to do? Yeah, there's a bit of Birmingham in there, but I just, listen to you, I've done you in shows.
What works is the make-up.
It takes an hour and a half to be you.
It takes an hour and a half to be you.
The scars.
How do you do that every morning? Yeah.
Your forehead looks like mine already.
Come on! I do! I know.
I do! I know.
The scares you put on the chin.
We are the before advert in the botox thing.
I'm going to put lemon juice into this to make some lemon custard.
How old were you when you first started doing impressions? About eight or nine.
I watched Mike Yarwood a lot.
Remember Mike Yarwood? Yes.
And he was the first person to do Bob Monkhouse.
All of that He used to, lovely Bob And David Attenborough or, all of those, Prince Charles.
In front of your parents? Yes.
Do you do any impressions of people alive? Do you do any impressions of people alive? Get off.
Yes, I do.
We had David Blunkett last year on the F-word.
What did he cook? Shepherd's pie.
But he was always so aggressive, David Blunkett.
(AS BLUNKETT) Don't pat the dog, he'll have your fucking head off.
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER No, today, I'll be launching daft legislation, no, sorry, I'll read that again.
Draft legislation.
How long does it take you? You perfected Blair.
How long does it take you? You perfected Blair.
That took me about 12 years, I think.
George Bush, we miss, he went, it was the end of an era.
So now we have Obama.
Can you do him? Can you do him? (AS OBAMA) He's cool.
He's authoritative.
And I just want to say, he speaks slowly.
If there's anyone out there who still doubts We haven't got time to do the whole thing We haven't got time to do the whole thing Can you do an impression of Obama? (LAUGHS) Come on! You're so serious tonight! I'm not, I'm doing my best.
Now, the custard has thickened, grate a touch of the orange zest in there.
That makes it nice and light and fragrant.
Less rich.
The panettone, slice nice and thinly.
Not too thick.
And then, cut the slices in half and spread a little thick cut marmalade, and then, from there, slice that down into cubes.
A little touch of Grand Marnier on top.
That really nice, rich flavour running through, and then from there Can I watch you, because my recipe means I've got loads of time.
From there, the thing is, Rory, I'm going to beat you.
This isn't a race, it's about perfection.
You know how competitive I am.
Put in the fridge to set.
The blind taster will pick a winner.
Feeling confident? Yes.
I hope that's the fridge, isn't it? Yes.
I hope that's the fridge, isn't it? It's definitely the fridge.
I've just put it in the dishwasher.
(AS GORDON) In the dishwasher, cycle two, 25 minutes, fantastic, lovely clean taste.
(LAUGHS) Next, will Patria be able to maintain her lead or will the cool, calm Yum Yum girls be able to pull off a comeback? This is the most important course and one of you is going to come out as the winner.
And will Rory Bremner's trifle make a good impression? We'll find out the winner of the Recipe Challenge.
Come on, who? I hate it when you've got that smirk on your face! Welcome back to The F Word.
Time for the results of the recipe challenge.
Ready? Time for the results of the recipe challenge.
Ready? Yes, absolutely.
Excited? Yes! What are you putting on top? Crystallized violets.
Violet petals.
So you've got silver balls.
I have on the trifle.
On top of the trifle! I'm finishing my cream with lemon zest to give it that little bit of a wake-up, and grating on some chocolate.
Chocolate, orangeArgh! Don't worry, it's OK.
Right, ready? Mine doesn't look as flash as yours.
One for kids and one for adults.
Yeah, that is no Right, JB.
No, don't put your fingers in there! Don't drop those.
Those bowls weigh heavier than you! Hi, everyone.
Hi! Hi! There we go.
There's a tang to it but it's quite subtle.
I like the lemon.
I think that's really nice.
The lemon flavour is really nice.
Very different, actually.
Very different, actually.
Completely different.
This is very vanilla-y.
It's quite sweet as well.
OK, results.
Right, JB.
Oh, no.
He's got that French smirk on his face.
What did they think of the trifles? They liked both of them.
What, the silver balls? Yes, they really liked it.
Yes, they really liked it.
What were the scores? Um, five to nil.
5-0? Hold on a minute.
That is pretty emphatic.
Come on, don't do this.
I hate it when you have that smirk on your face.
Watch his little hands where they wave.
This is a trial for humiliation.
This is a trial for humiliation.
Come on! Who? Bravo.
Yeah! 5-0! Fantastic! Woo hoo! Excellent.
That's a hammering.
Now, please, leave my kitchen.
He's winding you up, it's the wrong way round.
He's winding you up, it's the wrong way round.
It's been a pleasure.
Being humiliated? Thank you.
Yes! 5-0, fantastic.
Now back to the competition and it's time for dessert.
Both Thai brigades will be cooking my recipe.
Mango, lime and coconut rice pudding, an Asian twist on traditional rice pudding.
First off, rice into the pan.
400ml of coconut milk.
80g of caster sugar.
Vanilla pod.
What the vanilla pod does to the rice is helps it really perfume and make it nice and fragrant.
Simmer for 20 minutes.
Hot pan, desiccated coconut.
Toasting the coconut really helps to bring out that nice, nutty flavour.
When the rice is tender add 150ml of double cream, the toasted coconut, and chopped mango.
Fold it in.
Top with mango, pistachio, toasted coconut, and finish the rice with a little grating of fresh lime.
Thai mango, lime and coconut rice pudding Done! Moy.
Yes? This is the most important course for you.
Can you pull this one back? This is the most important course for you.
Can you pull this one back? Yes, yes, yes.
I'll do my best in here.
There's only 25 more plates each, yes? They've got to be perfect.
They have to be perfect.
One of you is going to come out as the winner.
If Simply Thai win tonight, it'll mean everything to Patria.
I will be so excited, just like a dream come true.
And for Yum Yum, victory means the restaurant will be fully booked for months.
All my local customer, they'll be very proud of Yum Yum Thai restaurant.
Now, please don't give up.
No, no.
I'm not.
I know you're behind but you can pull this back.
I'm not worrying.
I'm not worried.
Patria, what desserts do you have at Simply Thai? Coconut creme brulee.
And your recipes, but I substitute I change the milk to coconut.
It's my recipe for creme brulee but with coconut in? Yeah.
If you keep pasting it, it will break it up.
It'll end up in the bowl like wallpaper paste.
No, still paste it.
This is interesting.
Unfortunately Moy has dropped her confidence and become very, very quiet.
On the other hand, Patria has raised the bar and she really wants to make sure this rice pudding is perfect.
She's having fun with it as well.
Have you been drinking Champagne? I can't believe you're this happy.
You haven't won yet.
If you mess the dessert I was just about to put two portions of sugar in one pan! Oh.
I haven't done that, so Not yet.
The rice is ready.
If it sits here longer it's overcooked.
Moy is doing everything.
Get a system going.
You put the rice in, you put the pistachios on.
You put the mango on, you put the lime on.
My dessert was absolutely lovely.
Ten out of ten, absolutely delicious.
I think it's amazing.
I think with the fresh mango as well.
We're happy.
I thought the rice pudding was delicious.
I thought the mango was perfect, the coconut you could really taste it.
The consistency of the mango and the lime, amazing.
There we go, all finished.
Right, desserts, simple fragrant Thai rice pudding.
My recipe, but how have they done it? Yum Yum's.
The unfortunate thing is the rice is slightly pasty, a bit overcooked.
Simply Thai.
Rice is perfectly cooked.
That is delicious.
Mmm, yeah, I like that.
Time to find out who's going to be crowned The F Word's local Thai restaurant.
OK, time for the results.
JB, please.
So Thank you.
Let's start off with Yum Yum.
The amount of customers that are happy to pay for dessert, out of 25, is 17 out of 25.
That's amazing.
That is amazing.
Well done.
And you didn't give up, well done.
Really good.
OK, Simply Thai.
The number of customers that are happy to pay for your dessert, out of 25, is Damn.
Oh 22 out of 25.
Well done! That means in total you have 82 out of 100.
You are now joint top of the leader board.
Really, really, well done.
Moy, Mantana, well done.
I've enjoyed it.
Now, do me a big favour, yes? Get out of here and get a big drink.
Ladies and gentlemen, Yum Yum and Simply Thai.
I enjoyed it very much and on top of that I got this.
That proves if you put your heart and soul into everything you work, you're going to achieve.
So Simply Thai are joint top of the F Word leader board.
With the top six brigades guaranteed a place in the next round, their stunning performance means they go through to the semi-finals.
Next week, another culinary treat.
The F Word's best local Spanish restaurant.
The food's amazing, what a find.
Will your favourite be joining me in The F Word kitchen? Will Kelly Brook crack when she takes me on in the recipe challenge? Oh, I got all nervous then.
Argh, under pressure! And I'll be in north-west Spain risking my life in search of an extraordinary delicacy.
All that fucking work for these things.
Blimey, what a night.
If you like what you've seen, all the recipes are on the website.
Thanks for watching.