The F Word (2017) s05e09 Episode Script

Season 5, Episode 9

Welcome to the F Word.
Tonight are the last ever heats.
This time we are opening our doors to the rest of the world.
As the year comes to an end, so does my search for the F Word's best local restaurant.
Each week I've been picking two of your favourite restaurants to compete in the kitchen.
Make sure every dish you send out is perfect cos that will make the difference between winning and losing.
I've held nail-biting heats for eight international cuisines and I've found five of my semifinalists already.
Argentinian steak house, Santa Maria del Sur.
Indian restaurant, Lasan, Chinese, Sweet Mandarin, Simply Thai from Teddington, and British restaurant The Pheasant.
23 out of 24.
They are all through, but who will I choose to join them in the semifinals? So far we've concentrated on the most popular international cuisines.
But Britain also boasts restaurants serving delicious food from many other countries.
So tonight we feature the very best of these in my Rest Of The World category.
With New Year just days away, it's party time in the dining room as Moroccan restaurant Doukan take on Greek restaurant Retsina.
I want all these desserts to be absolutely perfect.
Both of them are hoping to secure a place in next week's semifinals.
Also in this extended New Year's special, I'm taking on not one, not two but three recipe challengers Kate Silverton, Fay Ripley and Johnny Vaughan.
Read it and weep, Big Jock! Plus I make my own version of a classic Greek ingredient - haloumi cheese.
That's not a very big teat, is it? Janet Street-Porter learns how to make a Moroccan pigeon pastilla.
So not flying rats.
That is a free-range wood pigeon.
And Greek duo Stavros Flatley road-test the F Word's crockery.
This programme contains strong language and scenes that some viewers may find disturbing.
Good evening.
How are you? I'm nervous.
I'm nervous.
Nervous and excited to be here.
What's the secret of success behind Doukan? Simple dishes from my mum's cooking.
Zeta, what's the secret behind your cooking? Good quality cooking and keeping customers happy.
That's what tonight is all about.
If you want to make it back to the semifinals, you need to do bloody well tonight.
Because only the top six highest scores go through to the semifinals.
This needs to be the best service of your lives.
Tonight, Greek restaurant Retsina and Moroccan restaurant Doukan will battle for a place in next week's semifinal.
Here's why I chose them.
The ninth and final category in my search for the F Word's best local restaurant is the Rest Of The World.
From Japanese to Lebanese, from Polish to Portuguese, here in Britain we've got it all.
My team and I have been all over Britain checking out your favourite restaurants.
If I had this for lunch every day, my backside would be the size of a bus.
After months of searching through an extraordinary array of cuisines, we've whittled down the nominations to two truly outstanding restaurants.
Both serve food from the Mediterranean and I couldn't wait to put them to the test.
The first is Doukan, in Wandsworth, south London.
Doukan serve classic Moroccan food, and the man behind it is hospitality manager turned owner, Abdesslem Khalil.
I'd been asked time and time again if I could recommend a good Moroccan restaurant in London.
I generally couldn't and I opened my own.
Doukan opened a year ago and is a hit with the locals.
Everything I've ever chosen off the menu has been just delicious.
Khalil left Casablanca 20 years ago to study hotel management in London.
But, as his yearning to cook grew, he started to teach himself in his spare time.
I am not a trained chef.
I am self-taught.
When I make dishes I don't look at a book, I just think of the core ingredients and keep on tweaking them until it reaches all of the senses that are important for you to taste.
Service.
F Word viewers had nothing but praise for his food so I decided to pay Doukan a visit.
Shall I come through this way? Please come through.
Excellent, good to see you.
Tell me the success behind the restaurant.
It's just passion for Moroccan cuisine.
I just cook because my mother cooks beautifully.
I grew up in a household where having lunch was the most important thing that happens.
I'm glad that you are so passionate of the fact it has to be authentic.
Passionate guy.
Very passionate.
What a quaint little place.
From the outside it looks like a cafe bar.
You walk inside and it's a mini oasis.
Nice.
'To kick off my Moroccan feast, 'Khalil brings me a lamb's liver tureen.
' It's the way my mum used to make lamb's liver.
Lovely.
The liver has been sauteed? Yes, they've been cooked twice, very gently.
Thank you very much indeed.
'The chopped lamb livers, delicious, authentic.
'Sauteed with cumin, and he cooked them twice very quickly, ' chopped them and quickly again.
For a guy that's self-trained, he definitely knows how to cook.
Next up is chicken breasts stuffed with figs and almonds with spiced couscous.
In terms of the couscous, do you steam that or? It's steamed.
A lot of people ask, "How do you get your couscous right?" It really is the simplest thing you can do.
You don't leave it alone.
You need to give it a bit of love and attention.
My God, that's lovely.
Chicken stuffed with figs and apricot sauce sounds very sweet but he's managed to get the balance spot on.
If we win the competition, it will mean so much to me.
It's like the underdog winning the race.
Great lunch, really enjoyed it.
It's been a tough decision.
I can only put two restaurants through to cook in the F Word kitchen.
And Doukan is one of them.
Congratulations.
Thank you very much! Brilliant, really good.
I'm very happy.
You've kept that authenticity and that's really important for a local eaterie.
Thank you very much, you've filled my heart with joy.
We went through! Thanks a lot, cheers.
For a chef that's not even professionally trained, he's certainly been listening to his mother, that's for sure.
I think my mother would be proud.
The other restaurant I've chosen from your nominations in the Rest Of The World category is in Belsize Park, north London.
Retsina is a traditional family-run Greek restaurant.
Since his father retired 13 years ago, son Minas has been managing the business.
Retsina is our family business.
It's been going on for around 25 years.
It's our life in one way or another.
His mother, Zeta, has been cooking for over 50 years but refuses to hang up her apron.
I like to be in the kitchen, I enjoy to be in the kitchen, it makes me really pleased.
What makes my mum a great chef - she's a perfectionist.
She was brought up with Greek food and knows what it's all about.
Zeta's delicious Greek recipes keep Retsina's customers coming back for more.
The food is absolutely fantastic.
You feel like the quality of it is brilliant.
I've been to quite a few Greek restaurants before but this is definitely the best, without a doubt.
'F Word viewers gave Retsina such glowing testimonials, 'I decided to go there for lunch myself.
' Hello.
How are you? Minas.
Nice to meet you.
Good to see you.
It smells amazing.
Where's the chef? How are you? I'm very well, thank you.
Nice to see you.
You look beautiful.
What's for lunch today? What have you got as a special? I've got nice kleftiko in the oven.
We have souvla, kebabs, mousaka, roast potatoes Brilliant.
I'll leave it to you.
After Zeta's lovely warm welcome, I already felt at home, but would the food live up to its reputation? 'First up, classic Greek mezze.
'Kalamari, octopus and a selection of dips.
' How is the octopus cooked? It's grilled.
It really does smell amazing.
You can really balls up cooking octopus but that is done beautifully.
'So far, Zeta's cooking was seriously good.
'I couldn't wait to get stuck into my main course.
'Shoulder of lamb, beef stefado, 'roast potatoes and lamb, and chicken spit roast.
'The dishes kept on coming!' Delicious, really good.
'That shoulder of lamb, that's the cut that a lot of chefs 'don't understand how to cook.
She does.
' There should be a lot more chefs in London coming to spend a day with this lady here to see how to braise a shoulder of lamb.
It will be an honour for us.
We will be over the moon to win it.
The problem I'm faced with is the variety of restaurants.
So the unfortunate news is - and I'm really sorry to say this cos I know you don't like taking any time out you are through, congratulations! And it tasted fantastic.
Really, congratulations.
Authentic and delicious.
Now you have to take another day off.
If you couldn't spot the chef then you'd want to meet the person because you can't quite believe that that level of authenticity is there.
It's just the most amazing Greek food.
I'm very pleased.
I will try my best to keep those 50 customers happy.
So from your nominations I've chosen two extraordinary restaurants.
Will the F Word diners prefer the traditional Moroccan dishes Khalil creates for his beloved restaurant, Doukan, or Mamma Zeta's home cooking at the Greek restaurant Retsina? Next on the menu is a Mediterranean battle tonight as the fight for the last place in the semifinal begins.
I feel a fight coming from Zeta.
'And I go Greek, 'trying to make haloumi cheese but with an unusual ingredient.
' That is so creamy.
We're back in London at the F Word restaurant.
In tonight's New Year special, we're going global in our Rest Of The World category to celebrate local restaurants serving delicious food from all four corners of the Earth.
Thanks to your nominations and months of searching, we've found two exceptional restaurants - Greek Retsina in north London, and Moroccan Doukan in south London.
Sardines are popular in both Morocco and Greece, so I asked the brigades to cook their starters with this delicious Mediterranean fish.
Guys, it's not a race.
Tonight is about that level of excitement, consistency, and make sure you're happy with everything.
At Doukan in south London, Khalil's love for food stems from his Moroccan childhood.
I've always embraced food.
I was surrounded with food due to a mother that is very passionate about cuisine.
For his starter tonight, Khalil is making sardine fritters.
He mixes sliced sardines with shallots, cumin, lemon thyme, rolls them into balls, and fries until golden.
He serves with bulgur wheat, tomato and a green pepper dressing.
Khalil, you've gone for a modern interpretation with this round sardine dish.
The idea was to make a meatball without using minced sardine, because they go dark and horrible when you do that.
The idea came from where? It's the way we've always done them.
My mum always fried them.
She didn't fry them in balls necessarily.
She did them butterflied with some flour.
She was a big influence on your cooking? She was a big influence on your cooking? Very much so.
The only influence, really.
Zeta, on New Year's Eve, are you going to put your feet up and say "no more cooking?" Once a year, I'm not cooking.
New Year's Day.
Your night off? Yes.
That's the only day? Which I'm not cooking, yes.
And you wait till the end of the year to do that? Yes! Tucked away in the suburbs of north London is Retsina, a restaurant that serves classic Greek food in a warm, friendly atmosphere.
I've been coming here for 20 years.
It's got to say something for the restaurant and the people.
Retsina's food is all about simplicity, so tonight they're cooking grilled sardines with Greek tomato sauce.
They glaze their sardines in olive oil and sprinkle with oregano, then grill them on both sides and serve with salad and a Greek tomato sauce made with chopped tomatoes, garlic, coriander, cumin and paprika.
You're cooking the sardines on the grill? Yes.
On the bone? On the bone.
So you're convinced that your sardine, grilled plainly on the bone, is far tastier? Yes.
Why? You have to have the bone to give more taste.
Interesting.
Why do you think yours, without the bone, tastes better? I think Zeta's wrong, because I've got a few bits of bone in there to keep the flavour.
So you kept your bones? So you kept your bones? I made sure there are little bones.
Eating sardines, you can accept a few bones.
But not the main one.
Unless you're the Queen Mother.
I feel a fight coming here from Zeta.
Zeta from Retsina takes food very seriously, but for some Greeks, it's almost a religion.
Traditional home-cooked food is sacred to Greeks, and there's a group of keen Greek cooks who are about to put my skills to the test.
I've been given the ultimate challenge to create an amazing dish for a fantastic Greek cookbook.
Whether or not my recipe makes the grade will be down to this group, the congregation from a Greek Orthodox church in north London.
They're so passionate about Greek food that they're putting together their own cookbook.
For the Greeks in Cyprus, food is very important.
It's the most important thing in their life.
So we decided to make a book, and then sell it to raise money for the church as well.
Niki Rossou Andreou has collected dozens of traditional Greek recipes to ensure they're preserved for future generations of London Greeks.
Only the best will go in her book.
If Gordon's recipe is good enough, he'll put it in the book.
Otherwise, he's not.
I love a challenge, but to succeed I need to create a fantastic dish using a classic Greek ingredient.
I've chosen one that's doubled in popularity in Britain over the past ten years, halloumi cheese, and I'll make it from scratch.
I'm taking a risk here, because we're all used to eating halloumi cheese made out of cow's milk.
I'm going to push the boat out and make mine with 100% sheep's milk.
Today, cow's milk is used in mass-produced halloumi because it's cheaper.
But traditionally, Greek Cypriots use sheep or goat's milk, because it provides a richer flavour.
I want the best, so I'll do the same with the help of dairy farmer Kiley Threadgold Why is it that we're not eating and drinking more sheep's milk? A lot of people don't associate sheep with milk.
But if you think of famous French cheeses, you've got Roquefort, an unpasteurised sheep's milk cheese.
It's not a big teat, is it? No, that's why I say it's a finger and thumb job.
Jesus! 'The fat content in sheep's milk 'will make my halloumi creamier and softer 'than cheese made with cow's milk'.
You make it look so easy.
There's an art to it, isn't there? I think she's just about empty, Gordon.
Do you sell that unpasteurised? We do.
Obviously, we produce it normally in a clean milking parlour.
It's so creamy.
Incredibly creamy.
That looks fantastic.
Thick, rich, creamy, and about to be turned into the most amazing halloumi.
That was harder than I thought.
Well done.
With a churn full of the freshest sheep's milk, I leave Essex and head to West Sussex to meet one of the only halloumi cheesemakers in the UK.
Mark Hardy produces halloumi using nothing but sheep's milk.
I'm relying on his expertise to teach me to make the very best.
This is halloumi we made three days ago.
I'm dying to taste it.
Nice squeakiness to it.
Lovely.
Really good flavour.
As it breaks down in the mouth, it gets more creamy.
Beautifully seasoned all the way in.
Very nice.
That's the objective, for mine to come out as good as this.
My halloumi will be made using the most traditional Greek Cypriot methods.
Never made it before, always been fascinated by its texture.
Bring the milk up to 32 degrees.
An enzyme is added called rennet, and in 30 minutes it sets the milk, so it can be split into curds and whey.
The curd here, that's basically the foundation for cheese.
It's where the cheese comes from.
As the curds and whey are warmed, the consistency constantly changes.
Looks like scrambled egg.
The curd is then pressed into a mould and left to cool.
The halloumi is simmered in the whey for 45 minutes.
This process stops it melting like other cheeses when you cook it.
Now they're floating.
Still quite soft, aren't they? When you lift it out, it should bounce back.
To preserve the cheese and give the halloumi is salty flavour, it's dropped into brine for 24 hours.
Then it'll be dressed with mint to enhance its flavour.
Now I've got to think of something exciting to do it justice.
I've a recipe in mind that will complement the salty flavour of my hand-made halloumi, but will it be good enough for Niki's all-Greek cookbook? How are you? How are you? I'm OK.
What about you? Very well, thank you.
That looks amazing.
That's good.
Niki set me the challenge of coming up with a recipe that can sit alongside these authentic Greek dishes.
I've got my work cut out big time.
All I've got is this amazing halloumi, hand-made.
I'm going to do a salad and pan-fried scallops with some wonderful, sauteed 100% sheep's milk halloumi.
Slice the scallops and coat them in flour, egg and Japanese breadcrumbs.
Get them nice and crisp on the outside, and very sweet in the middle.
That sweet flavour will go brilliantly with the salty halloumi.
The good thing about halloumi made with 100% sheep's milk is that it doesn't crumble.
Discs of halloumi, to sit on top of the roasted scallops.
Hot pan.
The halloumi is fried alongside the scallops in olive oil.
The nice thing about halloumi when you saute it like that is, it doesn't melt and disintegrate.
What it does do is get a nice flavour.
Seasoning on the scallops.
To go with the halloumi and scallops, a caper and sultana vinaigrette.
Simply boil both in salted water.
Touch of olive oil in there, and a teaspoon of white wine vinegar.
Then blitz.
Scallops onto the plate.
The golden-brown halloumi is then served on the scallops with the vinaigrette.
That looks amazing.
I hope I've done justice to my halloumi, and more importantly, it passes the test for their authentic Greek cookbook.
Right.
Please take a slice.
You like that? It's delicious, really.
Now, first and foremost, how was the halloumi? Very good halloumi.
It's like the halloumi we make at home.
It's very nice.
And the combination with the scallop? The combination is brilliant.
The most important question - is it going in the cookbook? Yes, 100%.
Excellent! With more lemon.
We wish you all the best.
Thank you very much indeed.
Last table is at two.
Four, Chef.
Last table, yes? Little wipe down first.
That's your last table, yes? Clear down and get ready for the main course.
Well done.
It was very tasty, and the sauce was complementary to the fish, once you managed to get it off the bone.
Nice to see you.
Are you well? Very well.
Very well.
Good to see you.
What would it mean to you tonight to walk out as the winner? Fantastic, for my mother, all the years she's worked in the kitchen.
It would be fantastic.
Extraordinary woman, so passionate.
Hasn't taken a holiday in two years.
When will she retire? The reason I bought a big restaurant was for her to calm down a bit.
You could do a deal with her.
Promise to shave properly, and then she can retire.
Maybe! Maybe.
Yes, I will! You could shave it for him.
Good to see you both.
It didn't have much taste.
When you see a sardine, you expect it to be like a sardine, fresh and grilled, not messed around like that.
Isabella, nice to see you.
How are you? Very excited.
Watching him in action, how does it make you feel? He's not normally like that.
He's a bit stressed today, but I'm sure he's enjoying himself.
Do you think he'll win? I really hope so, because he's so passionate.
He really cooks with his heart.
Nice to see you.
Hope you enjoy the main courses.
Right, Retsina's simply grilled sardine.
Hopefully, they'll just flake off the bone nicely.
Beautiful.
Touch of sauce.
Flavour - delicious.
Seasoned beautifully, and it falls away from the bone.
Delicious.
Now, Doukan.
It looks like a plate of meatballs on couscous.
He's left the skin on, which is a bit disturbing.
Does it deliver in flavour? It's quite mushy and floury inside, and it doesn't taste much of a sardine.
It's a clear winner for me.
Definitely Retsina's chargrilled sardine.
Simply done, tastes delicious, no fuss.
If the diners don't like their starters, they don't pay.
The results are in.
Thank you.
Doukan, let's start off with you first, yes? The number of customers that are happy to pay for their starter, out of 25, is Congratulations, 21 out of 25.
Great start.
What did they like, JB? Great presentation.
And a great zesty sauce.
21 out of 25, a great start.
Well done.
OK, Retsina, the number of customers that are happy to pay for your sardine out of 25 is 23 out of 25.
Well done! Thank you! That is a great start.
Thank you very much.
That is a great start.
Thank you very much.
JB, what did they like? They thought the fish had a great, smoky flavour, and the sauce complemented the fish very well.
Thank you, everybody.
Two very good starts.
21 out of 25, 23 out of 25.
There's only two points in it, and there's 50 main courses each.
Great start.
Clear down.
Let's concentrate on the main course.
In keeping with the party atmosphere in the dining room, I've supersized the recipe challenge.
Tonight, it's the best of three.
First up, it's motormouth DJ Johnny Vaughan.
Ready? I'm born ready, mate.
Born ready.
What in hell is going on with that apron? Come on.
You look like a yob.
You look like a yob.
Over the weekends, I generally wear a pinafore.
Anything underneath, or just? At home, no.
Normally just a light support.
What are you cooking? What are you cooking? I'm going to cook schweiner schnitzel.
Sounds like a dog.
With wiener schnitzel, you've got your veal.
Very popular in Germany is schweiner schnitzel.
They like theirs made of pork.
It's great for the kids, great for me and it involves one of our great English things, which is apple sauce.
I'll do a veal Holstein.
Lovely.
Johnny's using apple sauce.
I'll use a fried egg as a sauce in terms of a garnish for the veal.
Hold on, what is that? Check it out.
Check it out.
Don't tell me you haven't got gadget envy.
I know you have.
I can see it in your eyes.
The recipe, whose is it? My recipe? I went to Stuttgart once, and I had some amazing schnitzel.
I'd never had it.
I'd only had boring old veal.
I do it when I cook for the kids for their tea.
They like it because it involves meat hammers.
There's nothing better to keep your kids quiet than hammering meat.
That sounded really bad.
Give your meat a good hammer! I've lightly flattened my veal escalope out, a centimetre thick.
Hopes to cook it quicker, but more importantly, it tenderises the veal.
The potatoes have been half-cooked with a bit of rosemary, touch of garlic.
Just leave them there to get nice and crispy.
You've put parsley in the breadcrumbs? It's an Italian touch.
It's an Italian touch.
I'm seasoning mine with Parmesan.
I'm putting Parmesan in as well.
You're copying me.
I'm not! Most of Italy does that.
Pane is a chef's term for flour, egg wash and breadcrumbs.
It protects the veal, gets it crispy on the outside and keeps the veal nice and pink.
You're getting technical.
Water bath, cool down the apple sauce.
It's horrible having the apple sauce too hot.
Your potatoes are looking delicious.
I'd have flaked that rosemary.
I wouldn't have had it draped over.
I don't want it overpowering the veal.
Crushed garlic, ready? Oh, the smell of garlic! You can cook any old shit, but if when your guests arrive, they smell the garlic wafting up, they're all right, aren't they? I know that's worked for you all your life.
I'm not coming round your house for dinner.
I'm not coming round your house for dinner.
Don't.
Are you competitive? Really competitive.
Are you going to be on QVC next? Is that the next move? No, I'm happy with radio.
If a nice live television programme came along, I'd do it, but I'm only interested in live.
I can't handle retakes.
Say that again? I can't stand the aggravationoh! At least I pretended to fall for it.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What's the matter? My apple sauce is so good, it's not even funny.
Come on! Bring it in for the real thing! Read it and weep, big Jock! Your pork's burning.
How did you know that? You're like a Jedi round here.
I can smell it! Where are the plates? Are you ready to plate up? Jesus Christ.
I should do something really pro here, like garnish it with something on top.
No, don't overdo it.
I'm just going to put a bit I'm just going to put a bit What's the matter now? One second.
Bit of seasoning.
He's going to fuck it up now.
Two away! Hi, everyone.
Bon appetit.
That's lovely.
The breadcrumbs are soggy, though.
The anchovies really adds to it.
Do you think it adds too much salt? Do you think it adds too much salt? Yeah.
Potatoes are good, though.
This looks entirely different(!) I'd like to try it anyway! The meat is a bit overcooked, maybe? OK, JB.
He's got that face again.
Happy face.
What was the score? 5-0.
Of course it's 5-0.
5-0? You must be gutted.
To? 5-0 to Well done, Johnny.
You're kidding! Come on! Inyourface! In your face! You've either got it or you haven't in this game.
Why did he get five votes? Why did he get five votes? They liked the apple sauce.
I fucking knew they would.
As soon as you tasted it, you knew I'd won.
What didn't they like? What didn't they like? The anchovies.
And the capers or the egg? 5-0.
5-0? Your boys took a hell of a beating! The apple sauce was delicious.
In your face, Jocko.
You go back above Hadrian's Wall and stay there, because I'm getting English Heritage to rebuild that sucker and keep you out.
Next on the menuDoukan launch their fight back in the main course.
Every table has to go out like the first table, with that level of exact perfection.
Janet Street-Porter learns how to make a tasty Moroccan pigeon dish that you can try at home.
It looks fantastic.
I lost the first challenge, but can I level the scores by beating Kate Silverton in the second of tonight's best-of-three recipe challenges? Tied me up and put a hood over my head, and I was his.
Now both chefs are going to cook their main course.
First up, Doukan.
Doukan is run by Addsslem Khalil, who is passionate about Moroccan food.
I'm Moroccan.
I grew up in Morroco.
What I wanted to put on the plate is very much home cooking transferred into a restaurant.
And his authentic comforting flavours are a huge hit with the locals.
Every time I eat here, it takes me straight back to Marrakech.
It's fantastic.
Doukan's signature dish tonight is king prawn and mussel tagine.
I take a couple peppers from there.
Khalil starts by making chermoula paste with chopped coriander, sliced garlic, salt, cumin, paprika and lemon juice.
He adds finely chopped preserved lemons and mixes with olive oil to make a paste.
He puts the chermoula into a sizzling pan.
Two generous teaspoons there.
And adds king prawns and harissa.
It's a beautiful smell.
A really, really beautiful smell.
He adds chopped roasted red peppers, mussels and covers.
Really mostly what I'm trying to get is the flavour and the colour for the dish.
Then adds sliced potatoes and simmers.
He serves in a tagine pot and garnishes with grilled lemon and coriander.
King prawn and mussel tagine, served.
What's so special about this tagine? It's made with chermoula, a very well-known Moroccan marinade.
How successful has this tagine with prawns been in the restaurant? This is very successful.
I've got people coming in just for this dish.
Zeta, where did you learn to cook? I learnt at a very young age.
I liked to be in the kitchen with my mother At Greek restaurant Retsina, head chef Zeta's menus are inspired by recipes learnt from her mother.
I learned the Greek way.
The Greek style.
I always used to follow my mother in the kitchen, so whatever she was doing, I was copying her.
Retsina's signature dish tonight is a Greek mixed grill.
For the chicken kebabs, Zeta cubes a chicken breast.
She then coats the chicken with a marinade of oregano, Greek yoghurt, pepper puree, crushed garlic, lemon juice and olive oil.
I make it taste moist and not dry, because the breast of chicken, if you're not very careful, is very dry.
For the lamb kebabs, Zeta marinates cubes of lamb in pepper puree, lemon juice and oregano.
Next she chops onion and tomato for the kebabs, then grills.
And bastes with olive oil and lemon juice, oregano, salt and pepper.
She grills the lamb cutlets.
And, finally, Zeta grills the calves' liver, then plates everything up with fresh tzatziki, tabouli, some rocket leaves and a wedge of lemon.
Retsina's Greek mixed grill, served.
Why do you think the diners will be excited about this? Will be excited about this? It's very juicy, very tasty.
Very nice.
Now, your son said that if you win tonight, he's going to shave Yes!.
.
that stupid beard off.
Have you got a sharp knife? Oh, my God.
If you win tonight, it's coming off.
That's the good news.
That's it.
Before he leaves the studio, we have to do it.
Definitely.
Guys, remember, every table has to go out like the first table, yes? With that level of exact perfection, yes? Absolutely.
Good.
Now for some festive pie-filling, Moroccan-style.
Traditional British mince pies have been around for centuries.
They used to be filled with fruit, real mincemeat and spices brought back from the Middle East during the Crusades.
Over time, the meat has given way to the fruit and spices.
They still do something similar in Morocco, but it's called pastilla.
But Moroccans use a meat seldom seen on British menus, pigeon.
BLUR: Park Life Who better to send on a taste test then my favourite old London bird, Janet Street-Porter? Most people think of pigeons as nasty vermin and wouldn't dream of eating them.
It's not surprising, is it? The scruffy feral pigeons we see in our cities hardly look appetising.
I wouldn't even think about eating them.
Pigeons are scroungers.
OK, so flying rats don't exactly get you going.
But wood pigeon, the feral pigeon's clean living country cousin might.
In Morroco, they absolutely love it.
Now, I love Moroccan food and I think they've got exactly the right idea when it comes to making pigeons tasty.
Wood pigeon is on the menu of one of the finest Moroccan restaurants in the UK, Momo in Central London.
I'm here to meet executive chef, Mohammed Ourad.
Hi, Mohammed.
I'm Janet.
'Wood pigeon is prized for its rich red meat but you'll probably need 'to order it from your local butcher.
' So they're not scummy.
So they're not scummy.
They're not flying rats.
So they're not scummy.
They're not flying rats.
They're not flying rats.
That's very good.
They're not flying rats.
That is a free-range wood pigeon and it looks absolutely delicious.
'Mohammed's going to be showing me 'a classic Moroccan dish that you can do at home 'pastillas with a pigeon filling.
' Tell me what it is.
It's a pie.
It's a pie? It's a pie.
With this very complicated filo pastry? Exactly.
'First, the filling.
Mohammed fries 'finely diced onions in butter.
' How many of these do you make in a week? I make about 30 a day.
30 a day! 'Next, we take the breast meat off the bone 'and add the carcasses to the onions.
'Moroccan cuisine is all about spices, scents and colours.
'So we also add chopped coriander and sliced ginger.
' Five sticks of cinnamon in.
Bosh, bosh, bosh.
'And a pinch of saffron.
' Now leave it for Two hours.
At least.
OK.
Great.
'The pigeon breasts are coated in olive oil, seasoned 'and seared in a separate pan.
'We remove the carcasses and cinnamon sticks 'and add sugar.
' It smells delicious.
'Sugar helps to create that mouth-watering Moroccan mix 'of sweet and savoury flavours that reminds me of Christmas.
'As the filling mixture reduces, we dice the pigeon breast.
'Two beaten eggs are added to thicken and bind the filling mix.
'We add an extra sprinkle of cinnamon and the pigeon meat goes in.
' It's an unusual combination of smells.
It's very, very unusual.
'The pastilla filling is now ready.
' Now for the next stage.
'Brush the edge of a sheet of filo pastry with egg white.
'Place the pigeon meat filling in the centre and top with roast almonds.
'Fold the pastry.
' So it's like a very sophisticated piece of origami.
'Wrap a second sheet around the pastilla 'and stick down with egg white.
' All right.
I'll have a go.
OK.
I go in.
Yeah.
Try toNo, no, no Don't worry, I'm on it.
I'm on it.
I think what I really like about Moroccan food is combining meat with sweet things.
It's just fantastic.
Look at that! 'We glaze the pastillas with butter and stick them in a hot oven 'for five minutes.
' They look fantastic.
That's my one and that's your one.
'Finally, we dust them with icing sugar and finish with cinnamon.
'Truly moreish.
' It's delicious.
It is, yes.
It's the combination of sugar and meat together.
Right, I'm going to take mine for Gordon.
Right.
it was nice having you.
Let's hope Gordon likes it.
Thank you.
CROSBY, STILLS, NASH & YOUNG: Marrakech Express My darling.
Good to see you.
Gordon, hi.
You look great.
Thanks.
Gordon, hi.
You look great.
Thanks.
Moroccan food in the house tonight.
Yes.
Yes.
You've also been cooking a spot of Moroccan cuisine.
Today, I learnt how to cook a pastilla.
Amazing.
So this is pigeon pastilla.
This is something that I've eaten in Morroco.
It's meat, sugar and eggs together That's deliciousin filo.
Delicious.
Really good.
Now they're not the pigeons that fly over Nelson's column.
These are wood pigeons.
They're wood pigeons and they're very plump.
When you cook pigeon, it overcooks within seconds.
That is moist, delicious, slightly gamey, but sweet.
What you're supposed to say Gordon, if you don't mind me saying so, was, "Janet, what a beautiful pie you made "with that the filo pastry, folding it round your meat.
" No, you just mashed it up! Beforehand it was I mean, it was like origami.
Well done.
Happy New Year.
Give me a kiss.
Happy New Year.
Good to see you.
Last table.
Four stunning grills, yes? Make them perfect, guys, yes.
Well done.
Thank you, chef.
Thank you.
Really well done, everybody.
Job well done.
Thank you.
The meat was all cooked to perfection.
I thought it went really well with the tzatziki and the tabouli it was really nice, actually.
The only thing that let it down was the prawns, they were overdone.
But the presentation was fantastic.
Lifting off the lid was really good.
Right, I've been dying to taste these.
Retsina's grill.
Lamb.
Nicely marked.
Beautifully cooked.
And That's delicious.
Again, simply done.
Beautifully chargrilled chicken, marinated with pepper and the onions.
Yes.
The whole thing looks simple, but the most important about this is getting every little component right and they have.
Doukan.
Erawkward.
Mussels in their shell, prawns with their heads on and then potato in the bottom.
Prawn's slightly rubbery.
That's a great shame.
And when they're bright white like that inside, it's a sign of the prawn actually being so overcooked.
Potato at the bottom.
That's really weird.
The potato is rock hard.
Overcooked prawn and a slightly undercooked potato.
What a shame.
I hope the diners didn't get what I got.
So, if it was up to me, definitely the mixed grill.
'The votes had been counted and the results are in.
' Right, the results of the main course.
JB, please.
Good luck to all four of you.
Right, Zeta the number of customers happy to pay for your mixed grillout of 50 is Well done.
37 out of 50.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What did they like? They thought the meat was delicious.
And the tzatziki was full of flavour.
And the 13 that didn't pay, what did they say? The liver was overcooked and the vegetables undercooked.
And the vegetable on the skewer undercooked? Yes.
OK.
Right, Khalil.
The number of customers that were happy to pay out of 50 for your tagine is .
.
19 out of 50.
SIGHING What went wrong? Um, the prawns overcooked.
The potato undercooked.
That's a kick in the balls.
So much for the season of goodwill.
You can pull this back.
Do not give up.
OK? Sure.
Thanks, chef.
Well done.
Watch your eyes! WHOOPING 'Tonight I've got a recipe challenge triple whammy.
'Earlier, I lost to Johnny Vaughan.
But my next challenger 'is journalist and newsreader, Kate Silverton.
' What are you cooking? Apple crumble.
Where did you steal the recipe from? Where did you steal the recipe from? Well, it's my mum, obviously.
Originally and then I appropriate different ingredients along the way.
Kate's making an apple crumble.
It's based on her mother's original recipe.
So I'm doing my version.
Hazelnuts, flour and a classic crumble mix.
I've caramelised, put some caster sugar and some water in the pan which is caramelising very quickly and I'm just chopping and coring the apples at the moment and then I'm going to put the apples in the pan.
What's the most dangerous place that you've eaten? Iraq.
Iraq? What kind of ration packs do you remember? I had a really good sweet and sour chicken, because I went out onto the front line when I was in Helmand and I said, "This sweet and sour chicken's quite good.
" They are like, "Silverton, you haven't eaten here day in day out.
" But actually they're pretty good now, the ration packs.
Yes.
They're doing amazing work out there.
This time of year istough on their families.
So sweating the apples off with a bit of star anise, cinnamon and a nice little bit of ginger.
What's your fiance like at cooking? He's better than me.
He's fantastic.
How did you meet? He's a former Royal Marine and now he basically trains journalists who are going off to hostile environments.
I was going to Iraq and I joked and so he tied me up, and put a hood over my head and that was it.
I was his.
But literally, they do that.
So, he's a security expert, right? Yes.
And you find expertise attractive? Yes, very.
Come on! Yes, I do.
I find it very attractive.
(CHUCKLING) Good! I put the flour and the butter in and I've just pulsed it to try and get some form of breadcrumbs and I've put in the pine nuts, cinnamon, nutmeg, bit of semolina, bit of coconut When your mum made it, she did it by hand.
Have you done yours by hand? I'm making mine by hand out of respect for mum.
OK, so I've made a classic crumble mix.
Oats finished with Demerara sugar, hazelnuts and then a nice pinch of cinnamon and then on top.
Come on, come on.
Right.
Are you happy with the crumble? Yes.
Yes? OK.
Good.
Now, top or bottom? Top.
Top.
Excellent.
Yes.
I like it underneath.
They cook for 20 minutes and the blind tasters taste, them pick a winner and I will be very happy.
'Next on the menu, can Doukan snatch victory from Retsina?' So I want all these desserts to be absolutely perfect, yes? 'It's D-Day for the meat that Janet has been preparing 'for next week's Grand Final.
' I'm sorry, cos you've been good fun but you are going to make the most fantastic meat.
'And will Kate Silverton's apple crumble win over the blind tasters?' 3-2.
.
to who? So, it's three to Welcome back.
To celebrate the New Year, I'm taking on three recipe challengers.
So far, I've lost to Johnny Vaughan.
Now it's time to find out if I can pull one back against Kate Silverton.
Excited? Excited? Yes, I am, actually.
They smell amazing.
Lovely colour on there.
They smell amazing.
Lovely colour on there.
Ooh, hello! Ice cream on top.
JB, come back with the right result, yes? Hi everyone.
Bon appetit.
Bon appetit.
Thank you.
It's very nice.
Definitely lots of cinnamon in that one.
The apple's well done.
I think that's really very nice.
This definitely looks more crumbly, doesn't it? Not nearly as moist as the first one.
It's crunchy.
It's crunchy.
It's less traditional, isn't it? Right, excited? You've got that glean in your eyes.
Right, excited? You've got that glean in your eyes.
I am, yeah.
JB, put Kate out of her misery.
What was the score? 3 to 2.
3-2 to who? It's three to Come on! Gordon.
Gordon.
Yes! Fantastic! I was sweating there.
That's very good news.
Very, very tight.
Very, very tight.
Doesn't matter, it's a result.
3-2.
Yours was delicious.
Happy New Year.
Thank you very much, it's been a pleasure.
Thank you, see you.
Out of my kitchen! Well done.
The diners are sitting in judgment on two brigades determined to make it through to next week's semi-finals.
If they make it all the way to the grand final, they'll be cooking with meat provided by Janet from her farm in Yorkshire.
This series, I've asked Janet to provide meat for The F Word's Best Local Restaurant competition final.
Hurry up, you bloody lazy birds.
Get off your arses.
Along the way, she picked up a few prizes of her own.
Both her Dexter cattle and her Mangalitsa pigs won rosettes at the prestigious Nidderdale Show.
Oh, my word.
Janet, well done.
Oh, fantastic! A sure sign of the quality we can expect in the F Word kitchen.
Janet's Dexter steers and Ixworth poultry have already gone for slaughter.
But the three porkers have clearly got under her skin, and Janet is faced with the hardest farewell of all.
Bye, guys.
I've come to say goodbye.
I'm afraid it's off to the slaughterhouse for you.
I'm sorry.
You've been good fun, and you've got great personalities.
But you're going to make the most fantastic meat, I know that.
Do you want one last game of football? Shall we just have one last game? I'll be in goal.
Come on, pass! Pass it! Go on, pass! They'll make the most brilliant meat, I know that, and they've really fattened up well.
They're really happy animals, so I don't feel that bad about them going to the slaughter.
Yeah.
Right.
Really good.
Janet takes the pigs on their final journey.
I'm sad the pigs are going to be slaughtered because, of all the animals, they've got the biggest personalities, and they've been a real pleasure to be around.
On the other hand, they were never going to be pets, they were always being bred for food, and I think they've had a terrific life.
Hello, Janet.
Hello, Martin.
Oh! Terrible weather.
Beautiful weather! Beautiful weather! Ugh! Slaughterman Martin Macintyre leads the pigs to a temporary pen.
This brief respite allows the pigs to relax, and is called lairage.
Nice pigs.
I don't want the last time they see me to be looking like this.
The pigs will be slaughtered as humanely as possible, so before they're killed, they'll be stunned.
Electrical tongues pass 240 volts through the pig, knocking it out.
They'll know and feel nothing.
The pig's throat must be cut within 15 seconds of stunning to ensure a painless end.
I mean, it is hard to watch.
You're sure they don't feel anything? Not a thing.
Not a thing.
The pig now dead, it's carcass goes into a hot water tank to get rid of its extraordinary wiry hair.
Feel that, Janet.
Like a baby's bum.
Feel that.
Smooth.
An inspector from the Meat Hygiene Service monitors the slaughter process to make sure all the meat and offal is fit for human consumption.
The pig is then gutted and his organs inspected.
So, does the meat inspector inspect all of this? Yes.
Yes.
They have to be certified before they can pass into the food supply chain.
Next, she inspects the carcass.
That's nice, I think that's very good.
You think that's a good pig? You think that's a good pig? A good pig.
Right, so we can serve that in Gordon's restaurant? Yes, you can.
Yes, you can.
OK, get your stamp on it, then.
Finally, the carcass is split and hung in the chiller, ready for shipping.
Pork should hang for two to three days for its best flavour.
Back at her smallholding, Janet has time to reflect on her once-in-a-lifetime farming experience.
Mothering, it's not something I took to.
I'll miss the pigs.
Ixworth chickens, Dexter cattle, Mangalitsa pigs, the two restaurants lucky enough to go through to next week's final are sure to have some fantastic meat.
For the dessert, the brigades are cooking my recipe for apple cake, which is inspired by the sweet and spicy flavours of Morocco and Greece.
Spiced apple cake, aromatic, sweet, and really easy to make.
First off, start preparing the apples.
Hot pan, butter, apples, chop.
Cinnamon powder.
Honey.
That starts to get the apples really nice and caramelised.
Then add dates, orange zest, and spoon into baking dishes.
For the sponge topping, sift 125 grams of plain flour, add a pinch of salt, caster sugar, baking powder, butter, and blitz.
What you're looking for is this really nice soft breadcrumb texture.
Then add orange zest, mix in beaten egg, milk and vanilla extract.
Spoon on to the spiced apples, sprinkle with flaked almonds, and bake for around 18 minutes.
Dust with icing sugar, and finish with vanilla ice-cream.
Spiced apple cake - done.
I want all these desserts to be absolutely perfect, yes? This is my recipe, and there's no excuse on this one, yeah? The secret is in the caramelisation of the apples.
Add the dates, season with the cinnamon, glaze with the honey.
Do you wish you were grilling the apples on a grill, or are you happy to be doing this in a pan? Ice-cream's melting.
Let's go.
It should be melting in front of the customer, not in front of us.
Next on the menu, Stavros Flatley kicks off some early Greek New Year celebrations.
It's one-all in the recipe challenge best of three, but will I beat my final challenger, Fay Ripley? Well, it's just what you do.
You go to work, you suck someone's nipple And will Retsina be able to hold their lead and clinch a spot in the semi-finals? Zeta, it's not over till the fat lady sings.
The hard work is now.
Welcome back.
Tonight is the best of three New Year's recipe challenge special.
I lost to Johnny Vaughan, but I pulled one back to Kate Silverton.
With the score at 1-1, it's time for the decider.
I am going up against Cold Feet star, Fay Ripley.
If she loses the challenge, she promises to eat this little baby a plate of cold feet.
I am going to have to win, aren't I? You definitely have to win.
Now, what are you cooking? Brownies.
We are going to do my break-your-diet brownies.
I'm making my favourite recipe, chocolate brownies.
Confident? I'm aware of the fact that I don't have any Michelin stars.
If I beat youit would be the greatest achievement of my life.
I'm going to include the birth of my two children.
Is that wrong? I feel very honoured to hear that.
Is that slow-motion whisking there? My sugar and my eggs.
I don't need to show off my equipment.
This is very much back to basics.
In a minute, when that's cooled down, I'm going to combine that, just fold it in there.
What are you doing? My bain-marie, I've got my butter and my chocolate melting nice and slowly.
And then, eggs, vanilla, sugar in, and I'm going to go for some electricity.
So excuse me while I have a quick whisk.
Go on.
You were 30 when you got your big break on Cold Feet? It gripped the nation.
And quite moving as well.
Quite emotional.
It had a massive effect on my career and my life, that show.
It had a good old combo.
People are still very nostalgic about it, and they're sweet.
People still talk to me about it in the streets and stuff.
Now, your husband is Australian.
And he is a lot younger than you.
Does that make you a Cougar? He's not that much younger than me! He's not that much younger than me! Four years in men's terms My wife thinks he's quite hot.
He is quite hot, yes.
Your husband did an amazing naked scene in Muriel's Wedding.
My husband gets to often be naked on screen.
He had his lips around Emmanuelle Beart's nipple once? He what? He what? It's what you do.
You go to work suck someone's nipple, it's what you have to do.
He gets to have sex on screen with loads of beautiful women.
I get John Thompson.
Jesus Christ! Would you ever do a naked scene? I don't think anyone would want to see it, to be honest.
No-one is going to pay money.
Perhaps in a light comedy, they might.
You are copying me because everything I do from adding You are copying me because everything I do from adding You're copying me! What do you mean l'm copying you? Stop copying my recipe, it's embarrassing.
Melted the chocolate with the butter over a bain-marie and folded in the cocoa powder and the flour and then broke through these nice little lumps of milk chocolate, dark chocolate and white chocolate throughout the mix.
Quite dense so it will melt and cook at the same time.
Greaseproof paper at the bottom to stop it from sticking and then straight in, yeah? 'This the last of three recipe challenges tonight.
'It's one-all so this is a decider.
'Time to find out what the blind tasters make of the brownies.
' Let's plate up.
Look at that baby! Whatever.
Let's go, side by side.
Yours looks really good.
Yours looks really good.
Right, where is he, my little French fighter pilot? Off we go.
Don't forget - I pay your salary.
But I might do one day.
(LAUGHS) Hello.
It's very crumbly, isn't it? Very, very light.
Very dry, but quite nice.
It's sweet and bitter, which is nice.
It's not as light on the outside.
It's caramelised almost.
This one is a bit sweeter as well, which I quite like.
The texture holds up better.
Crispy on the outside and soft in the middle.
Rightquietly confident? No! You are.
.
.
Right, JB, results.
Oh, no, he's got that smirk on his face.
I don't like it.
How did they go down? It went very well.
What was the score, first? Four to one.
Four to one.
Four to one? Four one to who? Well done.
Oh, no! Come on! I'm going to punch the air.
You're joking, aren't you? 4-1? So, the Michelin stars? Why didn't they like mine? It wasn't cooked enough.
Wasn't cooked enough?! Mine was perfect, soft and gooey in the centre, crisp on the outside.
Too gooey, actually.
Too gooey? 4-1, 4-1, 4-1! 4-1! I'll send you the recipe.
Bye, babes.
Thanks.
With a place in the semi-finals at stake, everything rests on this last course.
Come on, you can pull this back, yes? Yes, I can.
It's about reputation, restaurant, what you stand for, what you believe in, and why you opened that restaurant.
Absolutely.
Don't let one dish put you off.
Yes, it's a kick in the bollocks.
However, you can pull it back.
Thank you, Chef.
And, Zeta, it's not over till the fat lady sings.
No, no.
We have to give a fight.
The hard work is now.
It's not over, yet.
No, it's not over yet.
For Doukan, victory could be the start of something really special for Khalil.
Winning the competition would definitely change my life.
If Retsina win tonight, it will be an outstanding achievement for 63-year-old Zeta.
Winning the competition for us, it will be an honour .
.
and we are going to be over the moon to win it.
Stavros Flatley, good to see you.
Welcome to the F-word restaurant.
How are you? Good to see you, how are you? Good to meet you.
Likewise.
Now big fan of Greek food? What do you reckon?! Looks good, healthy eating! Tonight, in the kitchen, Retsina, an amazing Greek restaurant.
Are you here to support them? An amazing Greek restaurant.
Are you here to support them? I am.
There are one of the restaurants we go to, and they are very, very good.
What is the secret behind Greek food? It makes you feel happy, I think.
For us, it brings back a lot of memories of sitting in Cyprus, by tavernas and by the sea.
You had your own restaurant at one time? You'd have killed me! No, you would have done, it was really bad.
Why do think we did cabaret? People would pay the bill at the end of the night and say, "Thank you very much, had the best night ever.
Do you know where we can get something to eat?" Congratulations on the act on Britain's Got Talent, that went down a storm.
Was that the kind of routine you did in the restaurant? Was that the kind of routine you did in the restaurant? Yes, but the thing about that was, I thought, if I do some cabaret at least people will stay, and they did.
So you're here to support the restaurant? Boys, take it away.
Thank you very much.
MUSIC PLAYS, CHEERING Excellent! 'Stavros Flatley has gone down well, 'but what do the diners make of the brigade's dessert?' It was beautiful.
Lots of cinnamon.
Perfect.
Massive, enough to fill me for two.
It was a good seasonaldessert, nicely spiced, lots of cinnamon.
Really good, nicely flavoured dessert.
Right, dessert.
Retsina's.
The secret behind this dessert is they are cooking the apples to begin with.
That's delicious.
Not overcooked.
Not undercooked.
And really nice and moist.
It doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.
Beautifully done.
Doukan.
Nice.
A lovely colour on the apples.
Nice and fragrant with the orange running through and a nice, generous caramelisation on the apples with the honey.
Delicious.
Between the two, it is a tough call because they both taste delicious.
It is my recipe, however, I think the slight edge goes to Doukan because they've got that nice flavour in the apples.
'With the last semi-final place up for grabs, the fate of the brigades 'is in the hands of the diners.
' Right, JB, results, please.
Doukan, going to start with you.
Now, the number of customers that are happy to pay foryour desserts out of 25 is That is amazing.
23 out of 25, well done.
Really well done.
CHEERING That is fantastic, well done.
That is a very high score.
Pretty good.
Right, Retsina, that means you need four or more out of 25 for your dessert to win tonight.
But that's not the only target, because, only the top six, the top highest scoring restaurants on the leaderboard go through to the semi-final.
So, to get in to the top six, you need to get 15 out of 25 or more.
That's how tight it is.
Very tight.
OK, the number of customers that are happy to pay for dessert out of 25, bearing in mind, what's at stake, is .
.
17 out of 25.
Well done.
That is amazing.
Congratulations.
Absolutely brilliant.
Every point you earned.
Well done, what an amazing night.
Really, seriously, well done.
I'm going to put it right in the front of the restaurant so everybody coming in, they will see it, how proud I am.
So Retsina clinched the final spot in the semi-finals.
They will be joining my best Indian, Chinese, Thai, Argentinianand British restaurants.
Next week, my semi-finalists will battle it out for a place in the Grand Final.
I'll be secretly watching them with hidden cameras.
I keep trying to catch his eye and I can't get him.
He's doing his best to ignore me.
The restaurant has been abandoned by all staff, I think! Testing them to the limit with 30 demanding F-word diners.
Table three, oi! Table three! It's fucking bullshit.
I'll be putting the reputation of my three-star flagship restaurant on the line as they go head-to-head in the kitchen.
I think you're quite a talented guy, but your cockiness rides over your talent.
Then I pick the best two to battle it out in the Grand Final at the F-word restaurant.
Not long before we crown the overall winner, the F-word's best local restaurant.
Have a happy new year, good night!