The Fall Guy (1981) s02e09 Episode Script

How Do I Kill Thee... Let Me Count the Ways

(FINGERS SNAPPING) COLT: # Well, I'm hot the kind to kiss and tell But I've been seen with Farrah # I've never been with anything less than a nine, so fine! # I've been on fire with Sally Field Gone fast with a girl named Bo # But somehow they just don't end up as mine # It's a death-defying life I lead I take my chances # I die for a livin' in the movies and TV # But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies # Kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee # I might fall from a tall building I might roll a brand-new car # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made Redford such a star (FINGERS SNAPPING) # I've never spent much time in school But I taught ladies plenty # It's true I hire my body out for pay # Hey, hey # I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs Blown up for Raquel Welch # But when I wind up in the hay It's only hay # Hey, hey # I might jump an open drawbridge Or Tarzan from a vine # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine # DURWOOD: Well, I'm sorry, Mr Dial, but this is very, very urgent.
Mr Durwood, we've already been advised of your charges.
I'm sure that there are explanations for each amount of money which you suggest has been misappropriated.
Yes, but I don't see how you can justify the mysterious expenditures of millions of millions of dollars from the 618 account with no kind of invoices.
- I mean, I don't see - That's the whole point.
You don't see.
These funds pay for the elaborate precautions we've taken all over the world to protect, to protect, our chief executives.
Well, I can understand sending chauffeurs to defense driving schools in order to prevent possible kidnapping.
Do you realize the size of the intelligence network that this company supports, in order that we may know when some government might be coming into power in some godforsaken place across the globe? Mr Dial, I didn't come here to cause trouble.
Then I would suggest that you go back to your job till Monday, so that we can handle this matter more thoroughly.
- Good night, Mr Durwood.
- Yeah, good night, Mr Dial.
You handled him very well.
I didn't handle him, I delayed him.
- YOU'LL handle him.
- Why don't we just control him and then ease him out? Mr Durwood has learned too much, too easily.
On the other hand, he shows us how vulnerable we are.
We must use that information.
How? You have a CIA background, and you've learned all of the little tricks.
Surprise me.
It's coming up.
Press him a little.
- Get ready, McNally.
- We're ready.
When you hear the horn, go.
(HONKING HORN) (DURWOOD MOANING) DURWOOD: Oh, no.
No.
No.
- SYKES: The other guy's dead.
- Oh, no! No! I couldn’t help it.
It's okay.
It wasn't your fault.
We saw the whole thing.
- He pulled out.
It happened so fast - Get him in the car.
Come on! No.
No, it's illegal.
We have to stay for the police.
We witnessed the whole thing.
We've got to get you to a doctor.
We'll report to the police later.
Now, come on! Get in! Easy.
Here, I've got something for you.
- How about a drink? - No.
No.
No, thank you.
You just killed a man.
I suggest you swallow some of this -and try to pull yourself together.
- What is it that you want from me? What is it that you want from us? The books you had are GLP corporate records.
I was just I just asked a few questions about certain irregularities.
I don't think this is the time or place to discuss this matter.
Oh, I think it's absolutely the time and the place.
I mean, we can be very helpful in your predicament.
You see, we witnessed everything, and obviously the other driver was completely at fault.
- Do you follow me? - Yes.
Yes, I think that I do.
Then have this drink.
You just struck the bargain of your lifetime.
I mean, I don't understand exactly what you want from me.
You discovered a flaw in our system, and now you're going to erase that flaw.
Oh, no, I can't do that.
There are people in my department who would recognize that I was tampering with the tapes.
You're not going back to your department.
No, but I have to use the same kind of computer for that kind of work.
- Then you'll have it.
- You can do that? You'll find, Mr Durwood, that we can do almost anything.
COLT: You know, you meet all kinds of characters working in the movies.
When you work for the courts on the side, you're bound to have an unusual collection of friends.
Brewster Steele and Sweets McBride fit that description.
A couple of ex-cops who've been trying to make a go of detective business for about a year.
I guess their business is just about as spotty as mine, 'cause whenever I get a call from Terri that I can't handle, they always sound really grateful for work.
Action! - He's terrific.
- He's nuts.
I'm a trained psychologist.
I'll be the judge of that.
You're right, he's good.
- Okay, next setup.
- Beautiful! Colt Seavers, I thought we were the only ones who'd do anything for money.
That one.
That was easy.
I got 400 bucks.
Later in the week, we do the dangerous fall.
What's going to make that one more dangerous than the one you just took? Well, you see, on Friday, I don't get the air bag.
He's just pulling your legs, boys.
Colt never does anything that's not carefully planned and completely sensible.
That's what worries me.
How come you're dumping this case on us? See, Sweets isn't happy unless he's worried about something.
You know we always appreciate it when you throw us a little work.
Good! Now let's go meet your new boss, Terri Michaels.
Okay, here's the scoop.
I've a man named Durwood out on a manslaughter charge.
He's due in court Wednesday at 9:00 in the morning.
- I want you two to make sure he gets there.
- That's it? Gentlemen, he's been staying in a motel room on Grand Avenue for two weeks.
- His court appearance is in three days.
- Sounds good so far.
He's given notice to the motel that he's checking out in three days.
Well, what's the problem with his checking out? It's just a hearing.
They can't send him to jail.
- So, where's he going? - Why don't you ask him? I did.
He said he'd be staying in the motel until the sentencing.
I know we're supposed to be the detectives, but I'm not proud, so I'll ask.
Why do you think he's lying? I bribed a friend of mine to check the readout on his motel phone.
Eight calls to different airlines, and four to the State Department.
- Passport? - Issued yesterday.
Visas to a dozen different countries.
I've got a great idea.
Why don't you just pick him up? He hasn't violated any of his bail conditions and I would like to keep my fee.
So, I just want a guarantee from you that he will be in court.
I don't know, it doesn't sound like something we can get our teeth into, you know.
Where's the mental challenge? The game of wits? We'll take it! There you go, Sweets.
Dinner at 7:00 sharp, just like clockwork.
- You want to follow him tonight? - I'll tell you what I want to do.
I want to find out why he's renting two rooms over there, instead of one.
- How do you know he rented two rooms? - Well, last night he came out the other door.
Do you think you can get in? Of course you can get in.
You'd eat the door if you have to, right? just don't get caught, okay? All right, but if he comes back early, ring the room once, and bring back two coffees.
Make that three coffees.
Yes, ma'am, two cups of coffee to go, please.
- Cream or sugar, sir? - No, black's fine.
What the heck's going on over here? I've heard of hotels loaning out a typewriter, but this is ridiculous! (PHONE RINGING) - Security, Dial here.
- DURWOOD: I am stiff being watched.
Now when are you going to handle it? I have to make a court appearance in two days.
Durwood, a manslaughter charge is no easy matter to sweep under the carpet, and I think I can promise you that if you come through with the tapes, we'll take care of our end.
Now, I still don't believe that I was responsible for that accident.
What's important is that you've got a job to do for the good of your country.
You know, there are people watching me.
Are they yours? No.
Yeah, well, there are two of them.
They make me nervous.
We're aware of them.
They'll be handled as efficiently as you were.
ROOSTER: How's that coffee coming along? MAN: Corning right up, Mac.
- Here's your coffee.
- Thank you.
DIAL: We're aware of them.
They?! be bandied as efficiently as you were.
Goodbye, Durwood.
You hear that? You know, the "they" they're talking about handling is us.
- Now doesn't that bother you? - No.
The whole point of letting him know we're watching him is to keep Durwood from skipping town.
Yeah, but what about all those computers and readout screens? I don't understand why a guy sitting around waiting for a trial is in a room full of computers.
Sweets, don't try to make this bigger than it is.
Our job is to simply watch Durwood until his court appearance.
I forgot.
You're not a regular cop.
Psychologists don't have a regular cop's instincts.
You know, you get cranky when you miss your nap.
- Why don't you Lie down for a while? - I'm wide awake! I'LL probably be up all night worrying about those computers.
About an 8 on the Richter scale.
You see, you were sleepier than you thought.
It's lonely work being a cop.
(WHIMPERING) JOHNSON: I'll take the little one.
McNALLY: No, I'll take the little one, -you take the big one.
- We'd better both take the big one, or we'll never get on that corporate jet in an hour.
SWEETS: There's nothing like arising at the crack of dawn on a brand new day.
Yes, it probably can be said that man's finest tribute to commerce are the great steel mills of Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh! - Howie! Where in the hell are you going? - I can't help myself, Colt.
I was born to the saddle.
But I'm the Chief! I'm supposed to be in the lead! It may be the first time in history an Indian leaped aboard a stagecoach to shoot it out against his own people.
Hey, no one was any more surprised than me, C].
I was, and so will the producer be.
He’ll just love it.
Now, go answer the phone.
A lady called twice before, her name is Terri.
Hey, give me some good news.
Tell me how great those guys I sent over are.
TERRI: Well, I might be able to answer that with a hair more accuracy if I could find them.
Find them? Wait a minute, they're at the motel.
No! No, I'm at the motel.
Mr Durwood's at the motel.
They definitely are not at the motel.
Come on, they called me to tell me how great things were going.
Well, I guess the only thing going was them.
Colt, what am I going to do? The court appearance is tomorrow morning at 9:00.
Wait a minute, I have an 8:00 call, and believe me, after what happened today, - I can't afford to be late.
- Colt, please.
Could you just babysit him until 6:00 and then haul him into court? I'll meet you there.
(SIGHS) ALL right.
I guess I can keep an eye on him.
But at 6:00 a.
m.
I dump him on you at the court and head for work.
Now, is that understood? Right, right.
Colt, thank you.
You're wonderful! Yeah, I know.
- Now what? - Brewster and Sweets have disappeared.
ROOSTER: Where are my eye drops? Is that all you can say? Didn't you get a good look out that window? I can't see anything.
I must have fallen asleep with my contacts in.
Rooster, perhaps it didn't sink in.
We were settling in to a long winter's nap in Los Angeles.
I didn't settle in for anything.
You know I never go to sleep with my contacts in.
Well, good, then maybe you can explain how we got here.
- How we got where? -Would you take a look around, please? Certainly made yourself comfortable, didn't you? I mean, I've heard of tossing and turning in your sleep, but this is ridiculous.
- Police! Open up! - You hear that? It's the police.
Of course I heard it.
It's my eyes that are bothering me, not my ears.
I'll put Brutus in the other room.
Come here, Brutus, come on, out.
Brutus hates uniforms.
- That's them.
They're the ones.
- OFFICER: You sure? You can't forget a scene like this.
The big one's harmless, but the little one's an animal.
A real animal.
Well, you guys throw quite a party.
Get your things together, we're taking you downtown.
Why downtown? We don't want perverts from California bringing your games to Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh? Why should you be concerned about Pittsburgh? I should think you would have your hands full trying to clean up our town.
Rooster, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
This isn't our town, it's their town.
See for yourself.
Go on.
Well? As a psychologist, I have but one comment.
Is this going to be a confession? No, this is going to be a scream.
Brutus! I'd stay put.
That dog's trained to go for your throat.
Put your head outside, and it's going to be quite unhealthy.
You might tidy up while you got a little time on your hands.
Gentlemen.
Colt, we don't use drugs.
We were given them.
And that's the way it starts.
They give them to you at first, and then you have to start paying for them.
Colt, what we need are plane tickets, not abuse.
We're at the airport.
All right, I'll front the money, but Terri is already pretty mad at you for running out on her.
- What airport are you at? - Pittsburgh.
- Pittsburgh? - Yeah, Pittsburgh.
Look, would you consider first class accommodations? - Pittsburgh? - Pittsburgh! Colt! (KEY TURNING IN DOOR) Do you want to dance or what? Why didn't you guys phone from the lobby? We figured it was the same guys who shanghaied you coming back.
We didn't have a dime.
- Is Durwood still in that other room? - He never leaves.
ROOSTER: Good.
We've got some questions we'd like to ask him.
Wait a minute, fellows.
I promised Terri I'd have Durwood in court first thing in the morning.
Now, nothing's coming between me and that promise.
Colt, the man wanted us in jail to keep us out of the way.
That tells me he's doing something he doesn't want us to know about.
It's tied in to that court appearance.
Whatever it is, it's coming down today.
How do you know that? Do you think we imagined waking up with two hookers who framed us? In Pittsburgh? (RINGING) Hello? It's time.
I told you I would choose the place for the last tapes.
You've run out of choices.
Just walk straight out and climb into the limousine parked across the driveway.
Suppose I don't? Hello? How could a guy like Durwood arrange to have you two sent to Pittsburgh without you even knowing it? I don't know, but there's more to this thing than meets the eye.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna have that twerp hauled off to court.
HOWIE: Colt, he's leaving.
Well, now's as good a time as any.
Come on.
There he goes! Pull out! Pull out! DIAL: Do something! SYKES: What do you want me to do? Hey, I think the machine's busted.
Hey! - You! Out! Out! Get out! Get out! - Hey! You! Hey! Hey! You don't have a ticket! What are you doing? You can't do that! Get back here! - MAN: Where does he think he's going? - Any way off this track? No, sir, it's a complete circle.
- There he goes! - Wait here! I'LL get him.
MAN: Not you, too! Hey! Hey, come back here! Hey, you! Come back here! Hey! Bring my car back! Hey, you! And you, too! Come here! Wait! Wait! Where're you going? Get back here! Hey, you! Surveillance to Chopper 1.
Come in.
What's going on? Surveillance, this is Chopper 1.
The subject has taken some kind of toy car.
Shouldn't be any problem keeping track of him.
- Well, how about our backup? - They're standing by, sir.
(HORN HONKING) I'll never let you killers get your hands on me! Never! That's a roger.
The guy in the back car is holding a gun on him.
They're heading for the Vine Street off-ramp.
- Get off the road.
You can't drive! - You get off the road! You can't see! Yeah, up close.
At a distance, I'm blind.
No, no, don't shoot! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Well, pull over! Out of the car! Hands high and drop the gun! - Hey, it's only a movie gun.
- I said drop it! If you check my identification, I think you'll find that I'm on call as a police psychologist.
- That's right.
I can vouch for that.
- Don't you listen to him.
They tried to kill me! They're criminals and I have the proof! You'll get your chance to show your proof downtown, buddy.
Unless you want Chief Coburn to use you for target practice, I suggest you look at my identification.
I'll be damned! He's a police psychologist! - So what does that make this guy? - In my opinion? A nut.
Okay, Steele, I guess it's your ball game.
Let's all go downtown and get this thing straightened out.
Well, he's due at Superior Court, Division 11.
But if you don't mind going on ahead, I've got a partner that may be hurt back there.
Yeah, I know.
I picked it up on the car radio.
I've already ordered a backup car and an ambulance.
Tell you what.
Maybe your friend here could stay here with these kiddie cars -until we can get a police tow back here.
- Yeah, I'll take care of it, Officer.
Where are my glasses? I can't see without my glasses.
You don't need them to answer questions, Durwood.
Where are the tapes? I know that voice.
You were the man in the back of the limo the night of the accident.
That's very good, Durwood.
I was also at the motel.
- Where are the tapes? - I don't have them.
- Look, all I want to do is stay alive.
- The tapes will keep you alive, Durwood.
I left them at the Grand Prix track.
I hid them in the ticket booth.
- Let's go to the track.
- Well, suppose they're not there? - Suppose somebody stole them? - They'll be there.
I mean, after all, we have you, don't we? Let's go.
Colt, where in the world did you get this car? Jody, do me a favor.
Get it back to the amusement park.
I got to get to the set.
The amusement park? There's no money in the world that'll make me drive this car on a public street! Colt? Jody, have you seen Colt? I Yeah! And, you know, he wanted you to do him a favor.
Well, what? He wants you to take this car to the amusement park.
- Well, how am I going to get back? - I'll follow you.
The things he makes me do! Here! Stash these things, will you? They're going to bounce all over the floorboards.
- I'll put them in Colt's trailer.
- All right.
ROOSTER: They weren't real cops.
TERRI: Fellows, come on! Spare me! We're dead serious.
There's a lot more to this case than manslaughter.
We checked out that suite of rooms that Durwood was living in.
We found enough computers to intimidate the Strategic Air Command.
- Computers in a motel room? - Terri, you'll see for yourself.
We didn't understand either, until we decided to broaden our investigation.
That's right.
Now, how is it possible for two guys just to wind up in Pittsburgh with two ladies of the evening and not remember anything about it? You don't really want me to answer that.
- We resent that implication.
- We don't deny it.
But we resent it anyway.
Look, Terri, even if we were those kind of guys, there wasn't a commercial plane that got out of here late enough last night.
You know, the only other answer is a private jet.
- The kind owned by the big corporations.
- Like GLP, for instance, which, incidentally, is the company where Durwood works.
Come on! Now you're talking about the American flag and apple pie.
Look, Terri, all you have to do is pick up a telephone and call the Pittsburgh International Airport.
Find out whose corporate jet made an unscheduled stop there Late Last night.
- GLP? - Right.
And further checking on the part of the world's two greatest detectives Anyone I know? happened to uncover the fact that the plane was signed out to the Special Securities branch.
- Special Securities? - Ex-CIA, ex-FBI, dirty pool on a corporate level.
These guys were investigated by a special senate committee a few months ago.
They play to win and they play rough, and they cheat.
Come on, guys! Now what does any of this have to do with Durwood and my bailing him out of jail on a manslaughter charge? We're going to find out right now.
For a man in a hurry, he did a nice job packing.
Computers, guys.
I don't see any computers.
Right through that door.
Wait till you get a load of this.
Fellows, where are the computers? Could this be the wrong room? After watching it a couple of days? No, the computers were here.
I believe you, Sweets.
Sorry, guys.
You had me going for a while there, but it won't wash.
No, you see, if there were heavy computers in here, there would be imprints on the carpet.
And there are none.
Let's go.
Look at this.
A remnant of fiber.
- A remnant of fiber.
Yeah! - Wonderful.
What does it mean? - Tell her, Rooster.
- It's very simple.
You're right about the indentations in the carpet.
I mean, if you had computers and a lot of heavy equipment in here, there'd be imprints and drag marks all over the place, unless the carpeting was new.
In which case, there'd be remnants of fibers laying around.
Are you trying to tell me that the entire hotel management is in on the conspiracy? Would you like to know what major corporation owns not only this motel, but the one in Pittsburgh? - I'm afraid to ask.
G - L.
P.
What'll I do? Who do I call? This is worse than Watergate! I mean, you can go to jail for even suggesting something like this can go on within the ranks of a major American institution.
Well, you don't know if it's the whole institution.
It may just be the security boys that are power drunk.
Yeah! Or else they just learned so many bad tricks while they worked for Uncle Sam, now they don't know how to quit when they're back in the private sector.
ROOSTER: There goes another one.
TERRI: Hey, guys, you can't take that.
What do you think you're doing? Where are you going? Wait! That's my car! They stole my car.
They made a good clean switch back at that motel.
They got juice.
We've got to find out where it's coming from.
Chopper to Security Mobile 4.
Mr Dial, you have a red sports car following you.
Ground Mobile 6 is standing by for an intercept.
Go ahead, set up the intercept.
If we have to kill them, it simply isn't our fault.
This is a good idea, Sweets.
Everything we're looking for is in that limousine.
And we're going to get it! That's them! Howie, what should I do with those tapes I found in that racing car that we returned for Colt? Take them to Colt's house.
They might be important.
I'll see you there later.
I'm late.
- But I have a date! - Well, take them there, drop them off, keep on going.
I got to go.
Nobody cares about me.
I'm going to end up lonely and alone.
Excuse me, lady, I think you have some property that belongs to me.
I don't know what you're talking about, mister.
Computer tapes.
Property of GLP.
I'm from Security.
I still don't know what you're talking about.
I happen to know that you have them in your possession.
It would be best for you just to turn them over now.
Look, mister, as far as I'm concerned, these tapes are property of my boss, and you're just going to have to take it up with him.
I said, I want them now.
Hey, look, there's still security on this lot, and some of the crew.
And if I scream, there's going to be a mob scene.
But you won't scream.
You won't have a chance.
Now, come on, lady, we're going to take you and the tapes.
Get in! Thank you.
Colt! Thank God you're here.
I've been looking all over town for you.
- Yeah.
Sweets and Rooster have disappeared.
- Well, have you tried Cleveland? It was Pittsburgh and it's not funny.
Durwood's missing, too.
-We know there's a connection.
- Well, now I know you're crazy, because I turned Durwood over to the police myself.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to check my messages and take a hot bath.
Colt, those men you turned Durwood over to were not real police officers.
- That's impossible.
They just happened along.
- No, they didn't.
- They were directed by a helicopter.
- Owned by GLP, who also owns the motel Durwood was staying in.
Yeah, and the corporate jet that shanghaied Rooster and Sweets.
I mean, you're making this sound like an international conspiracy.
Apparently it had to do with some computer tapes that Durwood was holding.
- And Jody's been missing since sunset.
- The gate guard said she left in a limo.
Whose limo? She said she was coming here.
- The plate number says it belongs to GLP.
- Did you call the police? Well, they thought I was nuts, and so would I, except for one frightening fact.
- Yeah.
You're not going to like this.
- So far, I haven't liked any of it.
If we're right about GLP grabbing people illegally, they are not going to let them hang around here for us to find them.
Another unscheduled flight? They just booked a departure window of midnight.
Well, if you're right, three close friends could be on their way to losing their lives.
I don't know how to go about finding out without tipping them off and losing any chance of seeing them again.
Yeah, well, I know one way, and that's to be there to see who gets on that plane.
Let's go, kid.
It doesn't look like they're here yet.
Come on.
Put that on.
See if there are some tools in that kit.
And don't forget to use Channel 6.
- They fix the coffee maker? - That's what I'm going to check.
We didn't get the word you were going out.
It's another one of those last-minute jobs.
Yeah.
- All right, everybody out.
Immediate seating.
- Think we could upgrade to first class? - I won't go in there.
- Oh, yes, you will.
Do you read me, Colt? - Yeah, but I can't talk real good.
- They're here.
Jody, Sweets, Rooster, Durwood, all of them.
And there are some guys in suits and ties.
Well, it doesn't sound like friends of ours.
Shall we go, please? They're going aboard, Colt, three or four of them.
Okay.
That's it.
Let's go.
They're sealing in, Colt.
Can't you think of some way for them to open it up again? Well, I'll try.
Wait a minute, guys, I You belong out here, son? - Well, yeah, I think I left my tools up there.
- That's too bad.
They're on a tight schedule.
I'll see that you get it back.
Well, if that's the best you can do.
Colt, unless I can rent a fighter plane, you're on your own.
- Howie, what is it? - Hey, you! Who you talking to? (sum FIRING) AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER.
019, you are clear to taxi to Runway 24, left.
Winds 270 at 15, altimeter 2992.
019, you are cleared for immediate takeoff.
Hi, fellows.
Everything's all right now.
I don't want to go to Cuba.
Matter of fact is, I don't want to go anywhere.
I just want you to slow this thing down.
We're on the ground, rolling.
We got a jumbo breathing down our necks.
I'd really like to trust you fellows, but I don't have time to explain.
And if we roll this thing back to the ramp, I got a feeling I'd be shot before I got to say my piece.
Now, you, come on, out of that chair.
Stay right there.
Hey, buddy, if you knew anything about airplanes, you wouldn't be I know a lot about them.
Now slow your ground speed down to 50 until we get down to the last 100 yards.
We can't take off in 100 yards! That's right.
We ain't taking off.
- Aren't we going kind of slow? - Yes, as a matter of fact.
Are we still on the taxiway? No, this is the main chute.
We're definitely slowing down.
- What is going on up there? - Yeah, this is your pilot.
There's no reason for alarm.
We've encountered back-up delays due to heavy traffic and will be proceeding along surface streets to an alternate airport.
Where in the hell is 019 going? Open up in there! AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: 079, are you in trouble? DIAL: Have you lost your minds? Keep going.
If we don't start doing something, he'll shoot his way in here.
Hang a right here.
Slow it up to 40.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: go around.
We have an aircraft at the departure end of the runway.
PILOT: We're heading right out onto Sepulveda Boulevard.
Yeah, well, it's nice and wide and pretty empty this time of night.
(HORNS HONKING) Good thing it's not the rush hour.
- Jackson! What's going on in there? - He's armed, Mr Dial.
Be careful.
Don't stop for the lights.
Colt.
Huh.
Colt.
SWEETS: They put the wing out for a left turn.
Attention, all units.
We got us a Well, it's a I mean, it's What the hell's the code for something like that? (PHONE RINGING) Sergeant Coburn, LAPD.
What? You saw a 747 driving down Sepulveda Boulevard? Well, thank you very much.
Yeah, they're all out tonight, man.
OFFICER: Yeah, why should tonight be any different, Sarge? Must I tell you again, Officer, I am not drunk! (HICCUPPING) I am not a drinking man.
Okay.
I'm counting to three.
Turn right at the corner.
(HICCUPPING) I swerved to avoid a disaster.
Nice landing, Jackson.
Nice landing.
I know a bunch of people that owe you their lives.
You know, I don't even want to ask.
But,just tell me, is this going to be a long story or a simple plea for mercy? Well, you see, it all started when I was jumping off of this roof You know, Sweets, for most people that's more than one swallow.
Nerves, Rooster.
It's going to take us a long time to pay for that police station.
Forget it! We're off the hook.
GLP is so anxious to squelch any publicity about the runaway security squad that they've agreed to pay all our costs, including mine, no questions asked.
Well, when you submit our bill, you might remind them that we did run into a little more than we bargained for.
How can you say that? You got a flee mp to Des Memes.
- Pittsburgh! - Pittsburgh! And you almost got to go to japan.
- How do you like your steak, Sweets? - Large, cooked Dracula-style.
Hey, guys, now that everything's turned out so well, can anybody tell me what it was all about? It's a changing world, Howie.
A dangerous one, too.
A lot of the large corporations are hiring security experts to make sure that their executives are safe when they travel, you know? Only the guys that GLP hired are mostly ex-CIA.
Some of them are pretty quick on the trigger.
That's right.
And then someone in the unit got carried away in the name of protection and started using the kind of dirty tricks you can go to jail for.
And that's where poor old Durwood came in.
There you go, Sweets.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Durwood had the misfortune of finding it and confronting those guys.
Well, under the circumstances, I mean, not knowing who we were up against, I think we're lucky to be alive.
Luck has nothing to do with it.
Sweets McBride is the greatest bloodhound since Sherlock Holmes.
Nothing evades his keen sense and his watchful eye.
You're the best, Sweets.
But it was my psychological profile that told us the exact kind of professional we were up against.
Yes, but it was my street sense, the old eyes in the back of the head, something that took years and years.
- Hey! What happened? Who did that? - Did what, Sherlock? I said rare, Colt, not moving.
Eyes in the back of the head, huh? Now, if something happens to this steak, the next steak is going to be Great Dane.
(WHIMPERING)