The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s01e23 Episode Script

Let's take five, guys.
Will, was that really necessary? I'm sorry, Carlton.
You thought I was laughing at you? That's what it sounded like.
No.
See, when I laugh at you, it's more like this Just for future reference.
Man, y'all butchered that song.
Hey, C, I'm telling you, if the Commodores heard you singing they'd tie you down to the tracks and run you over with the soul train.
I can understand why you're threatened.
After all, you two possess absolutely no musical ability.
Face it, you're so jealous, you're green.
All right, but just out of curiosity, Carlton, what color are you? Here we go again.
Just because I grew up in the best neighborhoods and pronounce the "i-n-g"s at the end of my words doesn't make me any less black than you.
No.
It's that tie that does it.
Face it, C, I'm telling you.
If you went down to Jazz's neighborhood Iooking the way you look and talking the way you talk you wouldn't come home walking the way you walk.
- And what neighborhood is that? - Compton.
And if you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere.
I'd do just fine and dandy in Compton, thank you very much.
You know, C, talk is cheap.
What do you say to a bet? Name it.
I'll bet you you wouldn't last a day in Compton.
All right.
And if I do, you have to stop making those cheap shots at me.
I don't know.
That's my whole reason for living.
- Better make it two days.
- Two days? Piece of cake.
And I guarantee, when I get to Compton, I'll fit right in.
Damn! Why didn't we bet money? Hello, everybody.
It looks like the working girl is poised for a promotion.
What's up? I sold my first picture at the art gallery.
I think I'm going to get a raise.
Excellent, Miss Hilary.
You must let me know what that feels like.
If you wanna go to Compton, you gotta go through with this.
But I've never lied to my parents.
It even gave me the willies when Beaver used to do it.
Fine.
The bet's off, then.
Man, it's about to be Diss-fest '91 around here.
And I feel one coming on now.
All right, I'll do it.
- Hi, Aunt Viv.
- Hi, guys.
Hi, Mom.
Dad, did you sign our permission slips yet? I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
Two weeks ago, when Will and I gave you a permission slip for our field trip this weekend.
You said you'd think about it and sign it later.
It doesn't ring a bell.
Dad, you're always saying how important these opportunities are.
And when they come up, you completely ignore them.
It's like you don't even care.
I remember.
Where are you going, baby? Mr.
Fellows is taking the class to San Francisco to visit Mark Twain's house, and all the literary sites.
I don't know.
I thought it was important.
Philip, how could you forget something like that? I didn't forget, Vivian.
Now, where did I put those permission slips? Dad, don't bother looking.
I found it in the trash can, underneath a banana.
Honestly, forgetting your son and nephew like that Here you are, guys.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Thanks a lot, Uncle Phil.
I mean, really, Philip, I think you ought to review your priorities.
I'm going straight to hell.
Well, here we are, C.
Jazz's crib.
Crib: house, dwelling, domicile.
How did you know that? Hip-hop flash cards? I made them myself.
I've been cramming all night.
I just hope I can get it out of my head before I take the SATs.
- Yo, J.
- Prince.
Hi, roomie.
That's called leaving me hanging because my hand is literally left hanging in the air.
My brothers.
I want you to meet Boomps, Vidal and Tiny.
My cousin Carlton.
What was that all about? Where do I put my things? Let me have my butler get them.
Sorry.
I crack myself up.
You can put them on the floor, but watch out for my carpet 'cause it's imported from Persia.
I could do this all day.
Just take them to the bedroom.
Now that Carlton's unpacked, I could go for grub.
What do I do till you guys get back? Well, let's see.
Chill.
What's up? Don't mind me.
I'm just here on a bet.
Just give me some time to acclimate myself.
Applegate? That sounds like a school word.
I don't like school words.
I can't applegate myself to them.
- That's very funny.
- It ain't supposed to be.
- Sorry.
- I don't like you.
That's kind of a snap decision, isn't it? You've hardly had time to form an opinion.
That's real mature.
Everybody, put your hands in the air! What was that all about? Yo, fellas.
Brother, want to buy a Gucci bag? My sister already has about eight of them.
- $20.
- I'm really not - $2.
- I don't really need - 50 cents.
- What are you talking about? Maybe it is.
Maybe it ain't.
All right, look, homey.
You're never going to sell bags that way.
Maybe if you went out and bought a well-tailored suit and lost the earring, then you'd look like a real salesman.
And that grammar What? Are you trying to suggest that I don't know how to run my business? I don't know, Jazz.
I just feel bad for Carlton, man.
What does he know about living in the 'hood? I spent half the ride trying to convince him not to say, "Dyn-o-mite.
" I just feel like I'm tossing him to the lions.
You know what I mean? The Detroit Lions still got those cheerleaders? Open the door, man.
Yes, that's right.
You can buy property for no money down.
Yo, what's up? Carlton, what the hell are you wearing? Yo, this? Carlton, you look like a pirate.
Yo, stop fronting.
You know this gear is chill.
Why are you talking like that? Yo, how you playing me, Prince? - What? - Yo, you dissing me.
Come on, man, stop it.
Hey, Prince, lay off of him, man.
We like C-note.
C-note? Yeah.
He was a little stiff, but he's coming around.
Yeah.
He's helping us with our business.
Hey, C-note, how do I figure my net worth? Yo, how many times do I gotta tell you? Write your questions down.
I'll hook you up later.
I'm sorry.
That was rude of me, man.
Yo, we cool.
They love me.
Jazz, tell me that this isn't happening.
I don't know, Prince.
I'm starting to like him, too.
Yo, C, I want to thank you for that tip.
I'm going to get me some of them douche marks.
That's deutsche marks.
Yo, check it out, C.
I'm leaving, right? I'll get back with you later so you can help me open that Schwab account.
Peace.
C-note, are you still coming to MacArthur Park tomorrow night? Yo, I'm with it.
You're going to MacArthur Park at night? Yeah.
My squad's going to sell some Gucci bags.
It's a sales bonanza.
Sorry.
There's no hip-hop word for sales bonanza.
C, I don't go to MacArthur Park.
What's up, Will? Not man enough to swing with the brothers? Get over here, man.
You have no idea what MacArthur Park is like.
It's dangerous, man.
If there's any danger, I'll call the park rangers.
It's not that kind of park, Boo Boo.
Listen, people get killed there.
You have no idea what you're getting yourself into.
I know exactly what I'm getting myself into.
I'm tired of you always talking down to me.
I'll win our bet.
And you'll never be able to make fun of me again.
You know what? The bet is off.
Come on, let's go home.
Hey, leave C-note alone, man.
He ain't leaving till he does my taxes.
Yo.
I'm gonna sleep on the floor.
When are Carlton and Will coming home? They should be here any minute.
These two days have just flown right by.
Geoffrey, did you really enjoy having Will out of the house that much? The closest I'll ever get to a bonus.
Yo, my squad, what's up? - Carlton? - What happened to you? Weren't you on your school trip? I'm quitting school.
That's for suckers.
I'm starting my own business.
- I can get $20 for this china dog.
- No, you won't.
$2.
Who's responsible for this? Listen, I can explain.
Daddy.
Stop it! This is the police! Carlton, come out with your hands up.
You'll never take me alive.
- Is Hilary ready yet? - Would you like me to go get her? Could you? I don't know what takes her so long we're never this late for church.
Has anybody seen Geoffrey this morning? - No.
Why? - Just wondering where he is.
Philip, his weekends are his own.
It's none of our business where he goes.
Madam.
I assumed you'd be in church by now.
Maybe you'd care to join us.
On reflection, perhaps I should.
I'm ready to go, but we can't drive too fast because things haven't set yet.
If we hurry, we'll get there before the service starts - but we'll have to sit toward the back.
- The back row? The light is completely different there.
I have to change.
Uncle Phil, Aunt Viv, I'm glad I caught you.
- Why aren't you in San Francisco? - Where's Carlton? Before I tell you that, Uncle Phil, I just want to Where's Carlton? In Compton.
What is he doing in Compton? A very bad imitation of me.
What? Look, he just started tripping, Aunt Viv.
See, we had this bet that he couldn't hang out in the 'hood.
He's just taking it too far.
He's going to MacArthur Park tonight to sell Korean Gucci bags.
- MacArthur Park? - Where is he right now? He's down at Jazz's crib.
I am going down there and I am bringing my baby back.
Vivian.
Calm down.
Now, nobody's going anywhere.
Except Will.
Will? That's me.
Where am I going? You're going down to Jazz's and you're bringing Carlton back here by the time we're back from church.
- See, I can't exactly do that, Uncle Phil.
- Why not? It's just the way things work down in the 'hood.
If a brother comes between a brother and his brothers then that brother's considered a mother.
I'll tell you who's a mother: Me.
And I am going there and I am bringing my baby back.
Vivian.
Put your earrings back on.
I don't care how this makes you look to your friends.
I'm tired of bailing you out.
Why should I always be the heavy? No.
I'm in enough trouble as it is.
Vivian Carlton! Grab a seat, man.
Dude's about to explain variable rate mortgages.
- Later.
You gotta come home.
- I'm not leaving.
Listen man I called Aunt Viv to tell her how we was doing in San Francisco she gave me some bad news, man.
Geoffrey fell down the back steps, split his wig.
We gotta go to the hospital.
Knock it off, Will.
I'm not lying, man.
The whole family's down at the hospital.
Do what you want.
I'm going down there.
- You're serious? - Yes.
C-note, you better go, man.
Yeah.
Later.
My condolences.
Great.
Let's go.
- Carlton.
- Mom.
Aunt Viv, what are you doing here? What does it look like I'm doing here? I came to get my boy.
Mom, I can explain.
We were on our way to San Francisco when I realized I had a Sociology report to do Don't even try, Carlton.
Will told me everything.
It was a bet.
A bet? I don't care.
You are not going to MacArthur Park tonight.
In fact, none of you are going to MacArthur Park tonight.
Wait a minute.
- Boy, do not test me.
- Yes, ma'am.
Carlton, Will, get your things.
I will be waiting downstairs in the car.
And another thing, this place is a disgrace.
You have a trashcan, honey.
Use it.
You went home and told Mom and Dad? You dimed him out.
I did the right thing.
Carlton was acting irresponsibly.
Carlton was acting in what? In Cosby? Prince used a school word.
You 5-0'd your own cousin.
- Man, you're getting soft.
- Sellout.
Man, you're about to catch an eye jammy.
You're getting a little pale on us, ain't you? - My brother, you wanna take this outside? - Yo, Prince, chill out.
I can't let him say that stuff about me, man.
Maybe now you know what it feels like.
What's it like to be in this much trouble? Why don't you ask Will.
He's been there before.
Well, they're going to do all the talking anyway so you just pretty much nod and say, "I'm sorry.
" And cry if you can.
Have Mom and Dad talked to you yet? No, but I think I heard Uncle Phil upstairs testing his belts out.
Look, guys, I know you're worried but earlier I was upstairs with Mom and Dad and even though they were initially upset now I really think they'll overlook the whole thing.
Really? What, are you kidding? They're going to kill you guys.
All right, guys.
Stand up.
Okay, this is new.
The only way we're going to make it is if we stick together.
Explain.
It's all Carlton's fault.
Will started it.
- You got there and started tripping.
- You were the one who made the bet.
- It was your idea in the first place.
- You're the one Hold it.
I am ashamed of you two.
Not only did you lie to us but you put yourselves in danger for a stupid bet.
But, Mom, we were never in any real danger.
Well, you are now.
Uncle Phil, at this juncture, I just want to ask is one of us in any more trouble than the other? Will, you were the one who started this whole thing.
- I'm sorry, Aunt Viv.
- "I'm sorry"? How many times are we going to hear that? When will you start taking responsibility for your actions? When are you going to grow up, boy? I'm sorry, Aunt Viv.
Will, sit down.
None of this would have happened if you hadn't insisted on making fun of your cousin.
For a person who's always going around saying "I wish people would let me act the way I want" you're awfully hard on Carlton.
- That was my point.
- That's no excuse.
Just because Will teases you, you have to do something this foolish? I know it seemed foolish but I had to show him I had the courage to survive down there.
That's not courage.
Courage is being the way you are, no matter what anybody says about you.
Will teases me but you don't see me going, "Yo, yo, yo, homey, yo.
" There's no "yo" at the end of it.
I'm pretty sure of it.
I'm glad you two had such a fun time down in the 'hood.
Because we're going to have a fun time dreaming up your punishment.
Peace out.
I'm gonna go test the lock on my door.
Good night, Carlton.
What do you mean, "Good night"? This is my time to gloat.
- Gloat? - I won the bet.
I humiliated you in front of your peers.
Plus, you said I couldn't handle Compton, and I did.
I'd say it's time to gloat.
Good night, Carlton.
You're just embarrassed because I beat you at your own game.
I never judge you for being the way you are but you always act like I don't measure up to some rule of blackness that you carry around.
Hold it.
Wait a minute.
You don't judge me? You do everything but carry a big old gavel around.
You treat me like some kind of idiot just 'cause I talk different.
Differently.
Good night, Carlton.
Just so I don't need to tell you later I did win the bet.
- No, you did not.
- Yes, I did.
Our bet was you couldn't spend the weekend in Compton and you didn't.
That's because you came and got me.
If I hadn't, you'd have gotten yourself killed.
And why was that important to you? It wasn't.
Yes, it was.
Admit it, Will.
You care about me.
I do not.
Yes, you do.
You like me.
You like having me around.
Carlton, take it back, man.
Face it.
You've just got to face it.
You love me.
My brother, you wanna take this outside?