The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s04e13 Episode Script
'Twas the Night Before Christening
You go to sleep, Nicky.
I'm gonna go downstairs and make sure that Geoffrey remembered to put out some cookies for Santa.
Don't eat too many, okay, Daddy? Daddy, can you tell me about the four middle names? Come on, Nicky, you've heard that story a hundred times.
I know it, but I forget a lot of it, please.
Oh, all right.
All right.
Let me see.
Most children have one middle name.
But, you, my boy, have four.
And it all began the night before you were christened.
Yes, a lot of things were different back then.
Say, Uncle Phil, can I borrow 50 bucks, man? Of course, some things never change.
Yes, it was Christmas Eve, 1993.
Everyone's favorite time of year.
You know, these popcorn strings are looking a little skimpy.
But you wouldn't know nothing about that would you, Uncle Phil? I don't know what you're talking about.
And I suppose this is the one-armed man The Fugitive was looking for, huh? Hey, all right, thank you.
Yeah.
Hey, little fellow, Santa let you out of the workshop early? Oh, you like my outfit? I had jingle bells sewn into my cuffs.
Geoffrey, I need my Santa suit pressed.
We can't have Nicky thinking Kriss Kringle doesn't keep a sharp crease.
Oh, but it's all right for him to think Santa's only three feet tall.
- Hey, Hil, Ash.
- What happened to your coat? I was mauled in the Saks shoe department.
You need a license to drive, but they'll let anyone shop.
Boyz II Men were at the mall, and they autographed my new CD.
Oh, and I got Nicky the cutest present for his christening.
You may have gotten the cutest, but I got him the best.
Don't be so sure about that, bucko.
Children, there is no point in competing over who got Nicky the best present.
That's right, because you'll all lose to me.
Oh, yeah? Well, wait right here.
I thought we was gonna wait but we're having a gift-off now? Okay, that's cool.
Move, move.
Hey, G.
Wait till you see the gift that I got Nicky for his christening.
Hey there, G I don 't mean to be rude But take your jelly-roll butt And go get me some food So that's where the cereal box tops went.
What are you talking about? This is a great present.
Oh, no.
The 18-carat gold rattle from your uncle is a great present.
The handwoven silk sleeper suit from Miss Hilary is a great present.
That is a hand puppet.
Well, I can count on Carlton to make me look good.
He's so cheap, he'd probably make Nicky a vest out of the lint from his pocket or something.
Hey, is Nicky gonna love this or what? - Will.
- I wasn't doing nothing.
You're not gonna believe this.
Watch what happens when I play my Boyz II Men CD.
Oh, man.
Yo, me and this kid are definitely blood.
Let me tell you what used to knock me out of my high chair.
Remember: Good jam, right? - Greetings, y'all.
- What's up, Jazz? I brought little Ricky his christening gift.
Man, a cheap christening gift.
Hey, you mind if I take a peek? Go ahead, get your peek on.
Jazz, this is a Rolex.
Santa left it in the men's room.
So, what'd you get him? Oh, l Shoot, man.
I got him a real good gift.
I got him them.
Them? You got him a Boyz II Men CD? No, look, come here.
Come here.
I got him Boyz II Men, man.
I used to hang with them back in Philly.
They're going to sing at the christening.
- Will, that's wonderful.
- What's wonderful? Will got Boyz II Men to sing at Nicky's christening.
- I can't wait to tell Reverend Boyd.
- Aunt Viv Whoa, woman, look I've got to tell Hey, hey, hey.
Come back here! Well, this is a christening your family won't forget.
Come back here! As usual, Will had put his foot in his mouth.
But lucky for him, Boyz II Men were in town recording a radio special.
Will managed to sneak in.
This should be cool, man.
Oh, man.
Let it snow, man.
Let it This is a dirty studio.
You all got bugs.
This is a closed session.
You gotta step.
- Hey, hold up, man.
Listen, I know them.
- How was that, man? Hey, y'all.
Y'all, hey, I'm from Philly, man.
West Philly! Hey, you know, cheese steaks, Liberty Bell, man, West Philly! Get rid of him, Charlie.
Nate, I used to play ball with Jerome Brook, man.
- You know what? He do look familiar.
- I do? I mean, I do.
Get off of me, get off me.
He said I looked familiar, man.
But it ain't from basketball, though.
You know Nicie Taylor, don't you? Hey, I guess I do look familiar.
Yeah, I used to date Nicie back in the day.
Listen, I stole her from this old four-eyed, big-lipped dude, right? Used to be singing these stupid songs on the corner.
- It was him and his three - Yeah.
- Sisters.
It was him and three girls.
- You don't know how much I loved her.
I cried myself to sleep every night about that.
Did I say I was from Philly? I'm from Pittsburgh, man.
Go, Steelers.
Stealing.
That's what you did.
You see his face, memorize it.
- We don't wanna see him here again.
- Okay, Romeo, let's go.
Look, do you guys validate? My car So in less than five minutes cousin Will had totally alienated everyone in the group.
Meanwhile, back at the house Daddy, I hate to interrupt, but I have to go potty.
Okay.
Be sure you're back here in two and a half minutes.
Go on.
- Remember to put the seat back down? - Do you? Good point.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah.
Cousin Will had gotten himself into quite a fix.
So he did what most men do when they get their backs against the wall.
He begged.
Nicie.
Nicie, Nicie, baby.
Nicie, baby.
Look, could you just talk to Nate, please? No? Where's your Christmas spirit? You're a nun for God's sake.
Aunt Vy just arrived and she needs you to take her suitcase upstairs.
Then put out another plate of cookies, make fresh eggnog and replace that broken string of lights on the tree.
And wipe that frown off your face.
It's Christmas.
You know, I am really getting sick and tired of Geoffrey's attitude.
Well, you have to imagine how he feels this time of year.
Wash this, carry that, cook this, clean that.
Ashley, what's your point? We work him too hard this time of year.
We should get him a present.
What am I gonna get him, a mop? - Let me take your coat.
- Thank you.
Oh, Vy, you look wonderful.
- What, did you lose some weight? - Oh, yes, I did.
And I guess you found it.
Okay, now I remember where Will gets it from, right? How come ain't nobody tell me Halle Berry was going to be up in here? That's my mommy.
Hi, baby.
Oh, all right, Geoffrey, I'll get it.
Your generosity knows no bounds, sir.
Oh, Mom, it feels so good to have you here.
- Yes.
- Listen, listen.
- I got a little problem.
- What's the matter, baby? Well, it's about Nicky's christening.
Don't you say another word, baby.
Your Aunt Vivian told me what you're doing.
When that group stands up to sing, I'm gonna turn to the congregation and tell them, that gift is from my boy.
Oh, damn.
Come on, Will, turn that frown upside down.
Santa's gonna be here soon, and no one can resist jolly old St.
Nick.
You know what? You're right, Carlton.
You're a genius, man.
- The house looks beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Merry Christmas, Aunt Helen.
- Merry Christmas, baby.
Let me take this.
It's so good to be with the family for the holiday season.
Now, where's my big sister, Vy? Diva? - Diva! - Diva! Hey! Helen, it is so good to see you.
Yes, likewise.
I think I'll go change.
Vy, honey.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Good to see you.
Excuse me just a minute.
Helen, let me talk to you just a minute.
Wait a minute, Helen.
Excuse me, what are you wearing to the christening? If I'm gonna be godmother, I don't wanna walk in church Iooking like the Full House twins.
Honey, I think your wig is on too tight.
I'm gonna be Nicky's godmother.
Vivian asked me herself.
Wait a minute, she asked me too.
I guess she would have asked Janice if she wasn't out of the country.
- Vivian.
- Vivian.
No, you're not gonna leave me alone with these two after they started sharpening their claws.
Did someone say Claus? Because that's just what this family needs right now.
When you hear this story, you are gonna laugh.
I accidentally asked both of you to be the godmother.
- Isn't this funny? - That's not funny.
- That is ridiculous.
- Nothing's funny - How you gonna ask? - Ladies! It's Christmas.
Let's not argue.
My Santa suit.
It's been stolen.
It's stolen.
It wasn 't exactly stolen, more like borrowed.
Merry Christmas.
Hey, Santa.
Mind the booth.
Gotta tinkle.
What a lucky break.
I can't believe the schedule we made for ourselves.
Yeah, man.
I never thought I'd be working on Christmas Eve.
For real, partner.
Merry Christmas.
I recently received a letter up at the North Pole from a young man whose only Christmas wish was to have you sing at his cousin's christening tonight.
Yo, is this for real? As real as I am.
Now, listen.
Please, find it in your hearts to grant this young man's wish.
Is there gonna be a reception? So much food, you'll think a supermarket blew up.
- Beats room service turkey.
- For real.
- Let's go for it, ya'll.
- Yeah.
Merry Christmas.
All right.
Hey, you guys be at the First Baptist Church of Bel-Air at 5:00.
Hey, thanks a lot, fellas.
Yo, that's that fool that stole Nicie.
Merry Christmas.
Hats, T-shirts, buttons, Boyz II Men paraphernalia.
Get your hats, T-shirts - Why, Vivian and Philip, welcome.
- Thank you.
Reverend Boyd, these are my sisters, Helen and Vy.
Good evening.
Nice turnout.
One too many if you ask me.
- Hello, are you part of the family? - Yes.
I'm the part of the family who does the cleaning, cooking and mending.
I guess Will's coming with Boyz II Men.
Do you think I should report my missing Santa suit to the police? I'm sitting next to Vivian.
I don't want my godson smelling that cheap perfume.
That's it.
I have had it.
Do you wanna know who Nicky's godmother's gonna be? Go on, tell her, Vivian.
Geoffrey.
- Geoffrey! - Geoffrey! Somebody spill something? Geoffrey, nobody loves Nicky more than you do.
Would you do us the honor of being Nicky's godfather? Oh, madam, I don't know what to say.
This is the best Christmas gift I could ever get.
Thank you.
Hey, how's everybody doing? Master William, I'm Nicky's godfather.
- Yeah, congratulations, G.
- Are Boyz II Men here yet? Can I have everybody's attention, please? I wanted to do something special for my cousin Nicky's christening.
You know, everybody was getting him all these big, expensive gifts and everything.
So I said that I could deliver Boyz II Men.
Look, the truth is Merry Christmas, Will.
Because it was such a special honor to have them sing at your christening we took all four of their names, and we christened you: Nicholas Michael Shawn Nathan Wanye Banks.
That's a good story, Daddy.
Can I see my godfather now? Of course you can.
Geoffrey! - You rang, sir? - Nicky wanted to see you.
Oh, yes.
- I love you, godfather.
- I love you too, godson.
Now, get me some hot chocolate.
I'm gonna go downstairs and make sure that Geoffrey remembered to put out some cookies for Santa.
Don't eat too many, okay, Daddy? Daddy, can you tell me about the four middle names? Come on, Nicky, you've heard that story a hundred times.
I know it, but I forget a lot of it, please.
Oh, all right.
All right.
Let me see.
Most children have one middle name.
But, you, my boy, have four.
And it all began the night before you were christened.
Yes, a lot of things were different back then.
Say, Uncle Phil, can I borrow 50 bucks, man? Of course, some things never change.
Yes, it was Christmas Eve, 1993.
Everyone's favorite time of year.
You know, these popcorn strings are looking a little skimpy.
But you wouldn't know nothing about that would you, Uncle Phil? I don't know what you're talking about.
And I suppose this is the one-armed man The Fugitive was looking for, huh? Hey, all right, thank you.
Yeah.
Hey, little fellow, Santa let you out of the workshop early? Oh, you like my outfit? I had jingle bells sewn into my cuffs.
Geoffrey, I need my Santa suit pressed.
We can't have Nicky thinking Kriss Kringle doesn't keep a sharp crease.
Oh, but it's all right for him to think Santa's only three feet tall.
- Hey, Hil, Ash.
- What happened to your coat? I was mauled in the Saks shoe department.
You need a license to drive, but they'll let anyone shop.
Boyz II Men were at the mall, and they autographed my new CD.
Oh, and I got Nicky the cutest present for his christening.
You may have gotten the cutest, but I got him the best.
Don't be so sure about that, bucko.
Children, there is no point in competing over who got Nicky the best present.
That's right, because you'll all lose to me.
Oh, yeah? Well, wait right here.
I thought we was gonna wait but we're having a gift-off now? Okay, that's cool.
Move, move.
Hey, G.
Wait till you see the gift that I got Nicky for his christening.
Hey there, G I don 't mean to be rude But take your jelly-roll butt And go get me some food So that's where the cereal box tops went.
What are you talking about? This is a great present.
Oh, no.
The 18-carat gold rattle from your uncle is a great present.
The handwoven silk sleeper suit from Miss Hilary is a great present.
That is a hand puppet.
Well, I can count on Carlton to make me look good.
He's so cheap, he'd probably make Nicky a vest out of the lint from his pocket or something.
Hey, is Nicky gonna love this or what? - Will.
- I wasn't doing nothing.
You're not gonna believe this.
Watch what happens when I play my Boyz II Men CD.
Oh, man.
Yo, me and this kid are definitely blood.
Let me tell you what used to knock me out of my high chair.
Remember: Good jam, right? - Greetings, y'all.
- What's up, Jazz? I brought little Ricky his christening gift.
Man, a cheap christening gift.
Hey, you mind if I take a peek? Go ahead, get your peek on.
Jazz, this is a Rolex.
Santa left it in the men's room.
So, what'd you get him? Oh, l Shoot, man.
I got him a real good gift.
I got him them.
Them? You got him a Boyz II Men CD? No, look, come here.
Come here.
I got him Boyz II Men, man.
I used to hang with them back in Philly.
They're going to sing at the christening.
- Will, that's wonderful.
- What's wonderful? Will got Boyz II Men to sing at Nicky's christening.
- I can't wait to tell Reverend Boyd.
- Aunt Viv Whoa, woman, look I've got to tell Hey, hey, hey.
Come back here! Well, this is a christening your family won't forget.
Come back here! As usual, Will had put his foot in his mouth.
But lucky for him, Boyz II Men were in town recording a radio special.
Will managed to sneak in.
This should be cool, man.
Oh, man.
Let it snow, man.
Let it This is a dirty studio.
You all got bugs.
This is a closed session.
You gotta step.
- Hey, hold up, man.
Listen, I know them.
- How was that, man? Hey, y'all.
Y'all, hey, I'm from Philly, man.
West Philly! Hey, you know, cheese steaks, Liberty Bell, man, West Philly! Get rid of him, Charlie.
Nate, I used to play ball with Jerome Brook, man.
- You know what? He do look familiar.
- I do? I mean, I do.
Get off of me, get off me.
He said I looked familiar, man.
But it ain't from basketball, though.
You know Nicie Taylor, don't you? Hey, I guess I do look familiar.
Yeah, I used to date Nicie back in the day.
Listen, I stole her from this old four-eyed, big-lipped dude, right? Used to be singing these stupid songs on the corner.
- It was him and his three - Yeah.
- Sisters.
It was him and three girls.
- You don't know how much I loved her.
I cried myself to sleep every night about that.
Did I say I was from Philly? I'm from Pittsburgh, man.
Go, Steelers.
Stealing.
That's what you did.
You see his face, memorize it.
- We don't wanna see him here again.
- Okay, Romeo, let's go.
Look, do you guys validate? My car So in less than five minutes cousin Will had totally alienated everyone in the group.
Meanwhile, back at the house Daddy, I hate to interrupt, but I have to go potty.
Okay.
Be sure you're back here in two and a half minutes.
Go on.
- Remember to put the seat back down? - Do you? Good point.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah.
Cousin Will had gotten himself into quite a fix.
So he did what most men do when they get their backs against the wall.
He begged.
Nicie.
Nicie, Nicie, baby.
Nicie, baby.
Look, could you just talk to Nate, please? No? Where's your Christmas spirit? You're a nun for God's sake.
Aunt Vy just arrived and she needs you to take her suitcase upstairs.
Then put out another plate of cookies, make fresh eggnog and replace that broken string of lights on the tree.
And wipe that frown off your face.
It's Christmas.
You know, I am really getting sick and tired of Geoffrey's attitude.
Well, you have to imagine how he feels this time of year.
Wash this, carry that, cook this, clean that.
Ashley, what's your point? We work him too hard this time of year.
We should get him a present.
What am I gonna get him, a mop? - Let me take your coat.
- Thank you.
Oh, Vy, you look wonderful.
- What, did you lose some weight? - Oh, yes, I did.
And I guess you found it.
Okay, now I remember where Will gets it from, right? How come ain't nobody tell me Halle Berry was going to be up in here? That's my mommy.
Hi, baby.
Oh, all right, Geoffrey, I'll get it.
Your generosity knows no bounds, sir.
Oh, Mom, it feels so good to have you here.
- Yes.
- Listen, listen.
- I got a little problem.
- What's the matter, baby? Well, it's about Nicky's christening.
Don't you say another word, baby.
Your Aunt Vivian told me what you're doing.
When that group stands up to sing, I'm gonna turn to the congregation and tell them, that gift is from my boy.
Oh, damn.
Come on, Will, turn that frown upside down.
Santa's gonna be here soon, and no one can resist jolly old St.
Nick.
You know what? You're right, Carlton.
You're a genius, man.
- The house looks beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Merry Christmas, Aunt Helen.
- Merry Christmas, baby.
Let me take this.
It's so good to be with the family for the holiday season.
Now, where's my big sister, Vy? Diva? - Diva! - Diva! Hey! Helen, it is so good to see you.
Yes, likewise.
I think I'll go change.
Vy, honey.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Good to see you.
Excuse me just a minute.
Helen, let me talk to you just a minute.
Wait a minute, Helen.
Excuse me, what are you wearing to the christening? If I'm gonna be godmother, I don't wanna walk in church Iooking like the Full House twins.
Honey, I think your wig is on too tight.
I'm gonna be Nicky's godmother.
Vivian asked me herself.
Wait a minute, she asked me too.
I guess she would have asked Janice if she wasn't out of the country.
- Vivian.
- Vivian.
No, you're not gonna leave me alone with these two after they started sharpening their claws.
Did someone say Claus? Because that's just what this family needs right now.
When you hear this story, you are gonna laugh.
I accidentally asked both of you to be the godmother.
- Isn't this funny? - That's not funny.
- That is ridiculous.
- Nothing's funny - How you gonna ask? - Ladies! It's Christmas.
Let's not argue.
My Santa suit.
It's been stolen.
It's stolen.
It wasn 't exactly stolen, more like borrowed.
Merry Christmas.
Hey, Santa.
Mind the booth.
Gotta tinkle.
What a lucky break.
I can't believe the schedule we made for ourselves.
Yeah, man.
I never thought I'd be working on Christmas Eve.
For real, partner.
Merry Christmas.
I recently received a letter up at the North Pole from a young man whose only Christmas wish was to have you sing at his cousin's christening tonight.
Yo, is this for real? As real as I am.
Now, listen.
Please, find it in your hearts to grant this young man's wish.
Is there gonna be a reception? So much food, you'll think a supermarket blew up.
- Beats room service turkey.
- For real.
- Let's go for it, ya'll.
- Yeah.
Merry Christmas.
All right.
Hey, you guys be at the First Baptist Church of Bel-Air at 5:00.
Hey, thanks a lot, fellas.
Yo, that's that fool that stole Nicie.
Merry Christmas.
Hats, T-shirts, buttons, Boyz II Men paraphernalia.
Get your hats, T-shirts - Why, Vivian and Philip, welcome.
- Thank you.
Reverend Boyd, these are my sisters, Helen and Vy.
Good evening.
Nice turnout.
One too many if you ask me.
- Hello, are you part of the family? - Yes.
I'm the part of the family who does the cleaning, cooking and mending.
I guess Will's coming with Boyz II Men.
Do you think I should report my missing Santa suit to the police? I'm sitting next to Vivian.
I don't want my godson smelling that cheap perfume.
That's it.
I have had it.
Do you wanna know who Nicky's godmother's gonna be? Go on, tell her, Vivian.
Geoffrey.
- Geoffrey! - Geoffrey! Somebody spill something? Geoffrey, nobody loves Nicky more than you do.
Would you do us the honor of being Nicky's godfather? Oh, madam, I don't know what to say.
This is the best Christmas gift I could ever get.
Thank you.
Hey, how's everybody doing? Master William, I'm Nicky's godfather.
- Yeah, congratulations, G.
- Are Boyz II Men here yet? Can I have everybody's attention, please? I wanted to do something special for my cousin Nicky's christening.
You know, everybody was getting him all these big, expensive gifts and everything.
So I said that I could deliver Boyz II Men.
Look, the truth is Merry Christmas, Will.
Because it was such a special honor to have them sing at your christening we took all four of their names, and we christened you: Nicholas Michael Shawn Nathan Wanye Banks.
That's a good story, Daddy.
Can I see my godfather now? Of course you can.
Geoffrey! - You rang, sir? - Nicky wanted to see you.
Oh, yes.
- I love you, godfather.
- I love you too, godson.
Now, get me some hot chocolate.